catfolk

Okay, so one time we were playing, right? And in this campaign, we were supposed to go retrieve an item from a dead sorcerer's castle, and when we got there and fought through a bunch of dire rats, goblins, and skeletons, he was STILL ALIVE! Plus we had to fight him!

Doesn't that just beat all? It was totally nuts. I'm playing d&d again soon, but I honestly doubt any campaign can top that.

omg catfolk, furries in my DnD?? this furry disease is going out of control.

>>752722
Must we go over this again? Everything that is not a normal human commoner with no special abilities is furry. Dnd is one of the most furry games out there.

I was playing in a six-person party composed of two clerics (one was me), a swashbuckler/rogue, a barbarian, a duskblade, and a wizard/archmage. All of us were ECL 15-16 or so.

We were in an Underdark-ish underground vault with a fortress that we were trying to get into, but said fortress was in the middle of the cavern surrounded on all sides by a large drop into the black abyss, save for one 15-foot-wide bridge to the front gate. After several in-game minutes of walking on the bridge towards the citadel without a battle, we were all thinking, "The DM is going to throw a tough encounter at us." Sure enough, there turned out to be a CR 21 Mithral Golem at the end of the bridge, blocking our path to the entrance of the castle. We saw that the DM was getting pumped up since he obviously had a difficult fight for us in mind. First round of combat, the wizard casts Disintegrate on the portion of the bridge right under the Mithral Golem. He then casts Disintegrate on the doors and we all make our easy DC 10 Jump checks to hop across the chasm. The DM was speechless and was rude enough to not give us full XP for the encounter.

our party was in some drawven mines getting ready to try and take on the necromancers/evil priests that had teamed up and taken over the dwarven city. We know the large Temple in the middle of the city is where the important guys are most likely to be but the front door(only door) of the temple is surrounded by a horde of skeletons and a large, ominous looking box.
We'd recently had a warforge titan destroyed by a nasty construct we're calling Clicky so we were all pretty weary of charging into battle again.
So we devise a plan with the one surviving dwarven priestess where she'd use her stone shape spell to create a back door which we would then block with her shield guardian while two of the party members bolt to the other side to bolt and lock the main doors.
Not only did we ruin the DM's plans then but after we'd stormed through the temple we find a safe place to rest and heal up and decide to use stone shape again to go out on top of the hall that lead to the main doors where we can kill off the skeletons and whatever is in the box from range with fireballs and turning. Needless to say it was not the grand battle the DM had envisioned.
Afterwards our DM said she was pleasantly surprised we were actually starting to come up with good plans and would make things harder from now on....

An snippet from one of my recent games. I thought it was funny.

Jo3hn: “So, basically, Dwarfs are whores when it comes to gold?”
Anna: “Congratulations, you just summarized an entire species as having a penchant for spreading their legs for shiny yellow metals.”
Me: “Yeah, that pretty much covers all the bases.”

Fuck it, some quotes from my games.

Anna: “Circus freaks! We could be a roving warrior band of circus freaks!”
Me: “Your mind intrigues me.”

Jo3hn: “Mi nombre es Horatio Delalopez, y toda su mujer joven ahora es mi característica personal, perras.”
Anna: “I’m not sure what you said, but it sounds like something that could get you castrated.”

Anna: “So, does being bat-shit crazy mean you get to rape goblins with impunity?”
Me: “Could you quit with the depravity for, like, five minutes?”
Anna: “I’m sorry, I can’t help it! It’s like taking candy from a baby! And the baby as well!”

Tom: “I’m not going to get a experience bonus if I point out that Isabeux doesn’t have a wang, am I?”

Scott: “I scream in a manly way and terrify the Orc Warboss into fleeing.”
Me: “Are...you being…serious?”

Daryl: “So, we go to a bar in the middle of nowhere, looking to get work to raid a lost dwarfen mine that NO-ONE has tried to retake before, when all of a sudden two noble-looking dwarfs who just HAPPEN to be listening in decide to join us?”
Me: “Well…yeah, basically.”
Daryl: “I call shenanigans.”

Tom: “So, the front is guarded, we don’t know where the postern stair is, and if we go in from the top we risk falling a mile and a half to our splattery doom?”
Me: “More or less.”
Tom: “Well, fuck.”

Daryl: “Why don’t we climb?”
Me: “What?”
Daryl: “It’s only a little over a mile straight up, my character has some climbing gear and we all have a shit load of rope, we can do it.”

Scott: “The last time I was in a dark, wet tunnel like this, my mother was screaming for me to get the fuck out of her.”
Anna: “Isn’t incest great?”

>>752983

Cont.

Daryl: “Okay, I’m going to take an action aiming, track the Orc Warlord, then fire.”
*roll*
Daryl: “01. Fucking. Win. What were the odds of that?”
Jo3hn: “About one in a hundred.”
Me: “Okay, damage.”
*roll*
Daryl: “10! FURY!”
*roll…pass…roll*
Daryl: “FUCKING 10!”
Me: “Oh, fuck this.”
*roll…pass…roll*
Daryl: “And an 8…28 damage, plus 4 strength for the handgun.”
Me: “You fucked the orc thrice over. It’s head explodes outwards, coating the walls in an interesting colour called ‘Hint Of Brain’.”

Me: “Are you sure? You’re giving up a shitload of cash.”
Tom: “Two axes with Impact AND +1 damage? Fucking worth it. Gromril for the win.”

Anna: “No. No. No. I want to keep the shinies!”
Tom: “Fuck you. I’m not growing a tentacle from my anus because you have a fetish for semi-translucent rocks.”

Daryl: “Hooves? Like a horse?”
Scott: “Is that why he didn’t line dance with me?”

Tom: “We can’t risk it. If the gold and relics have been their for this long, then sure as shit they’ve been touched with the warpstone taint. Goddamn you, Josh.”
Me: “Welcome to Warhammer, and have a nice day.”

>>752983
Toss Anna on the plane, I want to fuck her mind. It is delicious!

>>753008

She is a harpoonable emo. Consider.

>>753020

Oh ho ho ho ho. Fatties are always funny.

>>753020

With great harpoonability comes stonkin' great knockers?

>>753026

Not quite fat, but certainly chubby. And very funny.

>>753027

STONKING GREAT TITS!

>>753037

Are we now allowed to invoke Tits or GTFO?

>>753048

If I ever convince her to let me take a photo of her, I'll deliver.

>>753051

She's a fatty and judging by the fact that you aren't a raving faggot, I'd say you could. Although, as has been mentioned many times before -- fatties aren't people.

>>753058

Protip: Fucking a fatty is like fucking a marshmellow.

And it's not as good as you might think it sounds.

While Anymouse attempts to get tits, let us continue epic gaming moments.

This moment happened just last night in a short Exalted session. So I'm playing as this Dawn caste Solar who I specced out for ranged combat and sorcery. I currently regret that decision, but meh. Anyway, so I had just gotten this pimped out Royal 1st Age Warstrider: It came with a flight pack, grand daiklaiv, thunder shield with integrated bolt thrower, and a 5-dot AI.

So my group has kind of become the defenders of Great Forks against the 7th Legion which is now controlled by the Realms. It turns out that while we were away getting my warstrider and other goodies, an army decided to attack Great Forks and was currently raping it with a Noble, 5 Common warstriders, and about 1k men.

But is her MIND fatty?

>>753070
Cont.

So my buddies and I run back to Great Forks, me in my strider and them in a Battle Carrier (giant ass hovertank thing). The enemy Warstriders have just breached the walls and so I go to head them off while the carrier rams through the army and into one of the commons.

So here's where I get my 3-die stunt. I fly up as high as I can right above the leading Noble and then cut my flight drive. As I fall I whip out my daiklaiv and get ready to chop the fucker in half. At the very last second before I hit the ground, I hit the afterburners to arrest my drop but let my daiklaiv keep going and hit the Noble right in the face.

The guy had 4 Ox-Body techniques and I knocked him down into the -2 penalty range with that one strike.

>>753076

...

I have no idea. Does drinking Absinthe fatten the mind?

>>753070

Awesome.

>>753084
Cont. again.

Now I have a problem. I'm a single Warstrider (a kick ass one, though) facing off 6 other striders. So I have my buddies take care of the thousand men while I handle the big guys. The Noble pulls himself back to his feet and tries to smash me with a Goremaul. Now, the first roll that the GM got actually would have killed me, but he had forgotten to add the -2 penalty. So he re-rerolled and it turned out that I barely dodged. +5 Dodge DV while hovering FTW.

So then I literaly dance around the Common warstriders as they try to hit me, failing horribly every time. Once it was my turn again, I decided to end the Noble bastard.

I'm just waiting for the Giga drill breaker moment.

>Jo3hn: “Mi nombre es Horatio Delalopez, y toda su mujer joven ahora es mi característica personal, perras.”

Fail. That shit doesnt mean anything in spanish. He even got the names wrong.

>>753100

I have no idea what he was saying. I'm not even sure I spelt it right. It sounded like that though, could you provide any insight into what he was trying to say?

>>753096
Cont. I like typing.

So I decide to use my jet pack again and bounce off the stumbling Common striders in order to get behind the Noble as he struggles to follow my movements. This gets me a 2-die stunt, though my bouncing made my action take a tick longer. Not that it mattered in the end.

So I come down with another aerial strike on the Noble and hit him SO hard that the Warstrider topples backwards and it's hatch pops open, releasing a bloody red mist which is all that remained of the pilot.

The enemy army takes a morale test and passes.

I activate my anima banner (a giant sun with the five elemental dragons circling it).

The army runs like hell, the warstriders attempting to lead the way.

So the battle carrier finally does something, ramming into 4 striders that had been fleeing in a line and toppling all of them like dominos. The last strider I ran down, landed on his back feet first, and then rode him like a surfboard through the last of the army.

>>753110
Cont. End.

So yeah. It's then that I notice a skyship bearing the 7th Legion colors and some white flags has been flying toward the battle. Upon seeing the horrible carnage (the entire enemy army was dead), the airship turned and ran like hell.

I said no by flying in front of it and we all learned that the army that had attacked us was rogue and marching under false orders. The airship had been coming to order them to stand down.

Oops.

We got to keep all the loot, though.

Anonymous demands:
Bosoms
Melons
Milk Factories
Busts
Knockers
Funbags
Balleeesteegs
Boobies
Jugs
Nipples
Jubblies
AND STONKING GREAT TITS.

>>753116

ROFLTWTL!

>>753123

Someone's been watching Zero Punctuation.

>>753125
Yup, Yahtzee is a genius

>>753127
I, for one, want his hat.

>>753107
>“Mi nombre es Horatio Delalopez, y toda su mujer joven ahora es mi característica personal, perras.”

The literal translation to english is:
My name is Horatio Delalopez, and all your woman young is now my personal characteristic, bitches.

Im not sure what he was trying to say with that "my personal characteristic". A better spanish name would have been: Horacio Lopez.

>>753132
But he is OF THE LOPEZ.

>>753132

I must definately have the transcription wrong. He never told me what he said and he never repeated himself, so I just had to take a guess at what he said.

>>753142
You only use the "de something" when you have two last names. Women of the high society often do that.
Example: Clara Fernandez de Lopez

The alternative is using "de la something", but last names only have that when "something" is a sustantive.
Example: Julia de la Rosa
(rosa = rose)

>>753152
Clearly a Lopez is a state of utter desperation when you are low on Pez candy.

>>753155

I think he just liked how it sounded. And, technically, not Spanish. His character was Estalian.

>>753155
I lol'd.

>>753152

Cool. You learn something new every day.

>>753125

Why is it not Wednesday yet? :[

As for epic moments (gone wrong), I was in a game playing a gnome illusionist (complete with technicolor dreamcoat) alongside a tiefling rogue and a human cleric of Hextor-converting-to-Heironous. His attonement/conversion quest tied in with what we were currently doing: stopping a gigantic light-consuming spacial body from impacting with the world and plunging it into eternal darkness. Which we'd brought about by fucking with an artifact. Thankfully one of those helpful ancient civilizations had set up a contingency plan involving a ritual. In a tower far to the South. In the middle of a goddamn jungle. A few sessions of pigmies, gigantic NPC-Ranger crushing snakes and raptors later we're finally getting down to the ritual, the doomsday looming overhead well ahead of our predictions on how long it'd take to hit. Bastard had sped up.

Now, the ritual involved placing 3 gems into 3 pillars at the top of the tower. This was complicated somewhat by an avatar of said light-eating apocalypse waiting there for us. We all rush to the pillars, gems in hand. Rogue places hers, cleric jams his in.

I ask the GM, to the horrified looks of my fellow players "so, how high up is this socket anyway?" And then the light of sun failed us, leaving us one gem down in pitch black magical darkness.

We still managed to succeeded in the end. Too bad the history books stated that the three human heroes perished in the resulting magical reaction. Which just goes to prove that even after thousands of years of progress nobody ever gives the short guy a break.

>>753177

It is Wednesday in Australia. Which is where Yahtzee is. Of course, it's 1 in the morning here.

>>753152
So in "Don Cardenio Cervantes de la Vega", I should get rid of the "la"?

>>753180

It's only Wednesday when he posts a new video. :[

I'm playing a fighter/paladin (Ftr2/Pal3) in a "Stop the bandit attacks" adventure. I have a Masterwork lance, Spirited Charge, and Powerful charge. The party is coming up to a cave that the bandit leader is supposedly hiding in. Three Draconians are engaging the bulk of the party when a dozen goblins come from behind in an ambush. With exceptional Cleaveage I dispatch the goblins (and the hobgoblins and bugbear that were with the horde). Just before my turn on the round after I had dispatched the goblins, two ogres come out to play. I'm 40ft away. I have a lance in hand there is only one thing to do.
I charge. Roll Critical on the lance hit, and one-shot the ogre straight into negative 18hp.

>>752983
>>752986
I wish to play in your games ;_;

>>753235

Living with my gaming group is the bane of my existance and the sauce of my greatest joys.

Morals and ethnic codes are funny

>>753242
Tartar or tomato?

>>753248

Chocolate.

Why is everyone babbling about Wednesday? Videos?

>>753255

Google "Zero Punctuation," though it's video game material. Funny, but I imagine most fa/tg/uys will just start yelling "GB2/V/!!!" at their monitors.

I've been in a relatively long-running campaign that started in BESM 2EAdv and moved into 3E, and we've had some crazy shit. The setting is your average fantasy world with some instances of tech. I decided, in making my character, to make use of that.

My character was a human child who was put up for adoption, and was taken in by this company called Extended, who basically experimented by merging her body with various metal additions fused together with magic. Her nervous system was magically enhanced, and she was trained in various methods of combat.

Well, she was the prototype, and so as she got older and they made newer units. She was sent on more and more dangerous missions in the hopes that she'd simply be killed. Didn't happen though.

After adventuring with the party for a bit, however, it turns out that Extended has developed the Omega series: WAR, DEATH, PESTILENCE, FAMINE.

DEATH is the subject of this tale though.

So the party had gotten tossed off of a ship and landed on this island with some people who were plotting to kill my character. A boat lands, and my character and the daughter of one of the party members (who my character had developed feelings for a while back) sneak on.

>>753306


Cue confrontation with DEATH. Destiny (character) fights DEATH, does a bit of damage. In an attempt to get her to fight more seriously, he turns his aim to Lily. Destiny dives in, takes the damage, and dies (note: this is the second time she's actually died taking a hit for this character).

GM IMs me and says "We'll cut away for half an hour. You have eighty extra points to spend on your character, but don't save over your original document."

The party does their thing, and then we rejoin Destiny lying in a pool of blood, DEATH laughing hysterically, and Lily about ready to cry.

Cue conversation with an invisible entity about what Destiny's wish is. She says that she wants to protect Lily. The voice says "Sure." and then takes over her body.

In the real world, Destiny slowly pushes herself up, but she's been changed significantly by the possession; eyes are a different color, hair is partially grayed, and she is so much stronger than before.

After a brief conversation with DEATH, she brutalizes him. She turns to Lily, and offers a smile. "I saved your life, according to Destiny's wishes. Now this body is mine to do as I please."

And then she walks out.

It was awesome.

>>753306
Sue sue is suuuuuuue. I mean, you even named her Destiny. Come ON.

>>753308
Be careful what you wish for, ololololol.

Well, I dunno how many here have heard the story (probably only a few) but I once ran a rather disastrous campaign in which the second session ended with the entire party being killed by a giant crab. The last player managed to trick it into killing itself (a heroic sacrifice, sadly).

So, fast forward to 19 sessions later, the seaside city of Port Tion, where the original party had departed from. Lately, it's come under siege from vicious sea elves, an unprecedented occurrence.

The current party is a duo of mercenaries who heeded the call and came to fight the bad guys. One player had been on that boat that fateful night, but neither character had been there.

Half the city is sunken into the sea by the elves undermining it, and then, a vast lumbering hulk appears out of the mist. It draws ever closer to the still standing chunk of city the players are on (along with their NPC "party").


<DM-Jay> There's the briefest flicker of green-yellow light as a distant mage, perhaps at the juggernaut's feet, fires a spell off at it. The shape is unfazed, and in the flicker of light you barely perceive a vast, barnacled claw reaching down and swiping at the street below...
<DM-Jay> It's the same crab as before, but it's not the same crab anymore.
<DM-Jay> Re-animated with dark necromancy and steamworks, the creature which can only be described as a Giant Undead Steam Mech Crab approaches the still-standing section of city.

>>753463
The player who'd been there got a good laugh and a bit of a scare out of the prospect. The other had read the logs and had an appreciation for the situation.
The crab (don't have the stats on hand) was previously a CR 7 Huge Monstrous Crab that lost its right claw and head. Face. Whatever.
The sea elves' necromancers and artificers had welded together a mechanical chassis and infused it with undeath to create a walking clanking siege engine of doom.

As the NPC sorcerer fires off spells at it and the NPC cleric healbitches the actual players, the crazy scout player leaps onto the crab's outstretched claw as it reaches out and kills the sorcerer's familiar. The scout runs up the claw and finds that the faceplate is a portcullis crafted into a cruel approximation of fangs.
... on a crab... whatever, it was scary lookin'.

>>753477
Clearly I can't properly judge post length.

One of the eyestalks turns and fires a volley of magic missiles at the NPC cleric. She bawwws then casts Searing Light on it. Her god, unsure if it's undead or a construct, declares it's d6/caster level damage.
So. Archer elf shoots the eyestalk to bits, sorcerer shoots an acid arrow and weakens the port, and the scout looks down into the vertical crab innards, elves strapped in, bad shellfish smell wafting up at him powerfully.

The casters and archer (and siege engines behind them, though being directly in front of the target isn't the best place to chill) fire wildly at the Zombie Construct, which we figured was -probably- immune to crits. Its integrity fails with the whole crew (minus one elf that jumps out on top of the crab with the scout) inside, and it begins to fall away from where the casters et all are standing.

The scout throws a rope to the archer, the archer catches it, and pulls him off the crab and towards stable land. Suddenly, a steely grip on his ankle! As the crab falls away, the scout and the crab's captain, an angry sea elf, swing and smack into some rocks. The crab crashes to shit behind them, the scout kicks the captain off him. She falls down some 20-odd feet to the rooftops of the collapsed city beneath them, and then casts fireball upwards at where the entire party is conveniently gathered. They survive (come to think of it, the rope should have burned away), the archer kills her, and the whole group relaxes for a moment.

And then the part of the city they were on began to collapse, setting in motion a delightful chase sequence. Really, one of the better sessions I've managed to put together, I feel.

>>753123
http://www.myspace.com/jesushchristrocks
3rd song

>>753380

Yes, because a PC's name is indicative of the amount of spotlight/ability she has.

Not to mention I had based her design and name off of the attached picture so your whining about Sue-ism is a moot point.

She was actually pretty much the party average in all stats. Never excelled at one thing over another. Everyone else in the party beat her in one manner or another.

Her background was actually downplayed in the grand scheme of things. It was basically an excuse to have a half-metal girl running around killing people in the setting.

So no. Mary Sue she ain't.

Fail post is fail.

Similar to OP:

I was playing a jb (15y/o) tordoran cloistered cleric of Asc Angellia (a bookish little orphan nun who got knocked up and ran away from the church), who concentrated on spells, mostly. The party leader, who was like a father to her (and later adopted her legally) gave her a heavy mace to keep as a weapon, after her crossbow (and most of her equipment and vestments) was eaten by green slime.

Flash forward, the village is being attacked by a tendriculous, and toward the end of the fight, we had barely scratched him, he had swallowed every fighting party member, leaving only my little nun and the party's sorcerer (who ended up becoming her love interest, but I digress). We run out of spells, and as the thing is about to squash us into little squishy bits, I try a last-ditch effort, pull out my mace, and huck it at the thing.

Not proficient, -4 because of throwing a non-throwing weapon (it was only masterwork anyway).

I rolled 20.
Then 20 to confirm.
Then 19. Auto kill.

The mace lodged between the thing's "eyes", and it fell over in a big shrubby heap.

One of those "I refuse to believe that worked" moments. I named the mace "Lucky" after that, heh. Never used it again for the rest of the time I played her (she ended up becoming the high priestess in the village they saved). So Lucky never had to follow that epic act.

>>752689
>a furfag Paladin of Tyranny

fixed

My two most shining moments were in nWoD Vampire while playing a Gangrel with the manliest name ever: Bones Brannigan

Since I have really shitty luck with dice I absolutely pumped the shit out of his close combat skills, so he wasbasically a bum from the street with a nasty right hook and a penchant for spouting Eddie Murphy quotes.

Epic moment number 1:
The party was me, a Daeva metrosexual and another character I can't remember right now. We stumbled into a room full of giant ghouled bats. There was no way in hell we could defeat all of them without a 2 hours+ battle.
However, I had a brilliant idea:
Me: So, you're metrosexual, right?
Dude who played the Daeva: Ummm... yeah.
Me: Great, then you surely have hairspray!

So, Bones ran around the room with a ligfhter and a can of hairspray, frying bats left and right.

The second epic moment was when the BBEG stood before us with his army of henchmen, spouting out his plans in good old villain tradition.
Me (while the DM talked): I sucker punch him right now, while he's still talking.

While the rest of the party and the DM watched with bated breath, I rolled and it was the first time I got really lucky with the dice. One 10 after another. Even with his titanic soak pool, I would've knocked him out cold with one punch, but thanks to plot armor he got away. Kinda disappointing, but still satisfying.

Shadowrun Moment:

Rest of the party is tied up, except for my character who is a Rigger (and didn't think the Run was on the up and up, and so backed out and didn't sign on originally) and a Weapon Adept that uses a sword. Big Bad Evil Guy is holding a magical sword of fuckall Do I know what it does, but its dangerous. He monologues, and eventually says "All you need to do is take the sword from me. Bahahah!" and starts into a duel with the Weapon Adept.

Well, my rigger had been monitoring the situation through tactical network he ran with the rest of the party, and he rolled up in his pickup truck and gets his gun case out of the back.

By now, the duel had been going for a bit, and the PC is getting his ass beat. Well, I walk up to the window of the abandoned manor home in Redmond that this is going down in. Big bay window. While they are fighting, I take out my handgun and pop two shots at the BBEG. He has a bullet barrier spell up, so they bounce off ineffectively. He makes some snide remark about not stepping into a "Duel of Honor".

So I says "Frag THIS for a lark" and go get my bigger gun case. In the middle of their duel, I fired a Panther Assault Cannon loaded with HEAT rounds at the BBEG. Cannon shot hits a load-bearing wall and blows a 20 foot hole through it and the next 2 behind it, dropping most of the 2nd floor of the building onto the fag with the evil sword.

"Looks like I win the duel, bitch"

>>753759
I had a similar situation in Shadowrun, only the BBEG had sequestered himself in a large estate (somewhere in Bellevue), around which was a garden riddled with artillery turrets and armed guards, and if that wasn't enough, the shrubbery was arranged in such a way as to form a giant glyph of warding when viewed from above. Bound spirits were set loose, the home itself booby-trapped to hell and back, and generally, he didn't want us getting our asses in.

I, the mage, couldn't do shit. If I tried to astral-project into that, I'd get my brain raped. The ork gunner was similarly foiled, even though he was usually great at sneaking into places. However, our rigger did have our solution--it came in the form of one large, unmarked van with a remote hooked up to it, and as much C12 as we could collectively afford, stuffed into the back of it.

Suffice to say, there was literally nothing at all left above ground of that estate when that van came rolling right up to the front door. All obstacles (that the GM had carefully considered) aside, we were free to stroll, at our leisure, up to the blast-shelter doors in the middling area of the compound, pry them open, and find our adversary dead of psychic trauma in the middle of his own pile of shitbricks. The magic he was maintaining and the spirits he was holding under control suddenly getting exploded beyond all expectation backlashed something glorious. It was a fine day to be a 'runner.

>>753898

Ha! I did that tactic once too. Bug spirit cult in an abandoned high rise in Polyeupp Barrens. My rigger sent in a spydrone, saw like a dozen fleshform bug spirits and said "Fuck that."

Stole a small Ford Americar, put 400 pounds of C12 in the back, 2 90 gallon drums of napalm, a crate of hand grenades, and for shits and giggles 2 pallets of RAID bug spray, and drove it through the front door remotely. The blast was visible throughout the entire Seattle greater urban area and actually caused the national guard to respond to the situation. Thankfully,I was well the hell away by then and all the evidence was utterly obliterated.

not a particularly epic moment, but in the first 5 minutes of my first game of D&D i started a bar fight with a lemon

Dwarf Slayer in WFRP that got a little bit out of control. There was a BBEG that was carrying a Big, Bad, Evil Axe. Should have fled, but the Slayer actually killed the Skaven bastard, Looted his BBEA, and really went fucking batshit with it. Gotrek would have been proud of the slaughter.
Trough sheer awesome and lucky rolls, he ended up bitchslapping a goddamn fucking Bloodthirster. Forced it down a cliff, smashing it up.

He finally met his demise in a small-scale war, his body falling onto piles of slain, his axe still lodged into the skull of the Orc Warboss. Sure, he might have taken the spotlight, but after his death, the whole party, all owing him tenfold, rushed in, determined to at least die like warriors and not some cowards, ashamed how they were about to abandon their comrade when it all seemed lost. The following battle was something different, epic even. A whole town facing off against a small army of Greenskins, with the characters right in the middle of it. The Priest of Sigmar howling for his god as his hammer sinks into the skull of the fiend. The Norse warrior fighting on, even after he has been run trough and his face has been smashed to pieces. And the ever so preserved and scaredy Hans showing his true colours in the direst moment.

None of the brave men lived, but they were announced heroes and brave beyond contempt, their likeness carved into the statues of the village.

mines D&D. I was playing as a minotaur barbarian, chaotic neutral, with a cleric, a mage and a ranger, all elves. We were going through a dungean when we got ambushed next to an underground lake. the mage and the ranger got knocked into the water, the cleric used a ring to turn invisible and a mind flayer was grappling me to the point where I "Couldn't move anything but my head."

I asked if I could eat the mind flayer and my DM burst out laughing and let me roll for it. 28 dex and 32 str and a natural 20 followed by another 20 to confirm.

I ate its freaking head, while my whole team was losing.

>>753970

...There's no way I'm reading that right.

>>753970
Wow. In my first game rolled a Natural 20 on a Craft check to make a cheese-sculpture of an NPC's ass.

Btw, could someone post the horrible butter-clone screen-cap?

So I'm playing a chaotic neutral gnoll bard amongst a party of a true neutral cleric, a lawful evil wizard, and a chaotic neutral fighter. We had just gotten a release of prison on the premise that we do this fetch quest for the king. (We all started the game in there for various minor reasons)

Apparently the king was in the middle of a tense situation with another kingdom. The other kingdom had owed some sort of payment to him but it didn't pay so the king wanted to send us out to show the other kingdom we meant business by grabbing that kingdom's princess.

So we were given mediocre gear and sent on our way. As we stop for camp, I realize we had no food so I volunteer to go hunting. I head off, and am able to track down a deer...which I roll a 2 at hitting. A rabbit...which I rolled a freaking 1 and almost shot myself in the foot for. The DM tells me to make one last attempt so I bust out the listen check and manage to get over 35. He pauses, and then tells me I hear a noise off to the side.

I sneak up, and see a half elf coming around the bend. At this point, hungry and pretty pissed off, I fire. And roll 20. And then another 20. And then 19. Needless to say I dropped him as he apparently was already pretty injured.

The DM gives me this look that lets me know I just changed the storyline and informs me that upon searching the body, I find a bag of holding that contained the payment the king was expecting, which was a bunch of platinum and gems. What was going to happen was he was going to get the payment while we were out and then send out another party to try to intercept us before we made a terrible situation.

But on the plus side, we got a nice armor upgrade as well as a decent meal that night...which I just told everyone was venison since I skinned and diced beforehand and they all failed their sense BS checks.

>>753977
He'd had a few drinks, and the fucker squirted right in his eye. Stung like a bitch. He tried to throw a chair at it, but with one eye half-shut and all bleary his depth perception was so bad that he missed the lemon and hit another patron. Things snowballed from there.

FUCKING WIN. Although most of my characters would have kept the cash and ran.

Catfolk? Sorry, as great as these stories are, I can't support furries.

Son of a bitch why won't it quote? meh I was No.754079 and my comment was aimed at No.754043. That said my greatest moment in an RPG was when I threw a rigged oil flask at 10 orcs who busted through a city wall, behind them was an army of thousands, so anyway there was some kind of explosive stuff(GM never said for sure what it was) in nearby barrels. The 10 fuckers are blown to hell and there bodies are on fire but that's not the best part, two of our mages pop up an invisible wall before the rest of the army can surge in so basically they all get to see their comrades blown up and burning while pounding on the barrier.

This shows that we really need more /tg/ games happening.

My moment comes from Aberrant, where my character who boasts Density Control, Mega Strength and Hyper movement.

Now for some backstory, the campaign centred on the X-Men formula with teens going to a special school for the gifted as Team Tomorrow and such were exposed as too corrupt and full of nogoodniks.

Anyway, in the first adventure a group of us were in a mall when a group of Aberrants showed up killing baselines, one of them the Human Torch, another your basic mega-strength, mega dex bitch, and by the end of the fight she was crippled and the rest fled.

Days later I decide to go and sneak into the hospital where she is being kept to see what her conidtion is and wouldn't you know it, the fire bastard was already there, probably planning to fight his way out, and of course he recognizes me.

Immediately I dash out of the room and look for a fire extinguisher(don't facepalm yet) abd he follows me out and laughs when he sees it, telling me that such a thing will barely affect his power. So I slump my shoulders, put my hands in my pocket and basically give up, putting the fire extinguisher down right in front of me, telling him that he wins.

At which point I tell the GM I roll an attack action to kick the extinguisher into his face.

Two success rolls later, he's out cold.

It was a Chaos vs Eldar game with a sorta rescue objective. Basically, since the Eldar avatar got raped by nids in the last game we played, we agreed that the avatar was only beaten unconcious by the offending genestealer horde, but not consumed thanks to being all molten steel and all that.

The Eldar mission was to get a powered up soulstone to the avatar to make it rise once again, while the Chaos mission was to go there and capture the helpless avatar. (I was slannesh and my partner in crime was nurgle. Rape n' Aids and all that). Basically, after two turns of MOVE AND SHOOT it ends up with his warp spiders zipping up to the ko'ed avatar before my 20 strong squad of slaanesh marines get there. So up pops the Avatar, full of fury and flame at first, then filled with 40 rapid fire botler rounds and pain dropping it down to a single wound.

The warp spiders charged into my marines while their shot up avatar quickly hobbled away to try and escape. Every single spider apart from the exarch died in the melee, the exarch choosing to smack my champion in the face before teleporting out of battle, leaving all my men in a huge pink scrum.

Not too impressive yeah..but I loved how the Eldar guy went from 'AVATAR FUCK YEAH!' to 'FUCK NO! AVATAR!!!' When the bolters raped him.

This was in one of my first dnd games, and I'm hesitant to call it that, because the DM was very loose with rules. I played a sorceror that specialised in fire spells.

We were in a cave, fighting what effectively was a molten elemental. Since all of my spells were fire-based I couldn't do any direct damage to it. The rest of the party was getting their ass kicked, so I decided to try something stupid and lay out the rest of my fireball-like spells(first level so tey couldn't have actually been fireballs) at the cavern roof over the elemental. This caused a cave-in, which killed the elemental, two story essental npc's and trapped me and another pc in a hole, which I tried to blast my way out of, burning up all the oxygen in our hole. The DM decided I had screwed things up too much, and turned back time.

That campaign ended with my character dominating the world, I have since learned that it's not really fun to manipulate your DM into making you a god.

>>754079
It was a pretty fun campaign overall. We did manage to grab the girl and haul her back for a reward from him, only to have been hired by the princess to help assassinate the king so she could rule a kingdom herself rather than marry some betrothed in her old kingdom.

The end result was her becomming a tyrant and going to war with her old kingdom, but by then our group decided to charter a boat and get the hell out of dodge. We sailed off and had the equivalent of a happy ending. And considering how 85% of our evil/neutral campaigns always seem to end up with the party backstabbing eachother to death, it was pretty great.

>>754166
girl

>>754177
you can manipulate people without using boobs.

>>754183
Knew it. A girl.

>>754186

Good job Sherlock..

>>754186
shit. Am I gay or something? That's not the first time I've been called a girl when posting anonymously... it's getting creepy.

>>754189
Only one way to find out.

Does this perfectly innocent-looking "cleric" turn you on? Y/N

>>754266

>>754303
Thanks Admiral, that was a close one.

So there I was, a bard with an intelligent whip on a vampire hunting expedition. As we breached the inner sanctum, a symbol of fear made me take off running. The bad news is that I dove through a portal which led to a cave by the sea. The last two characters who went there died. I spiderclimbed up the cliff (scrolls rule) and walked for three days to a village. I learned how to make bread. Everyone else in the party died except the cowardly mage who ran.

>A bard with an intelligent whip on a vampire >hunting expedition.

Hmmmm....

>>754388

Belmonts? Bards? I don't think so Tim.

>>754396
They certainly had enough games based on musical terms.

>>754396
>>754423

Warblade using a whip dagger.

Iron Kingdoms game, and we're in Bainesmarket, trying to break into a compound with a warehouse in it, in which Schardes are smuggling slaves out of the mainland. I'm playing a Ryn bard/truenamer who is decidedly of the hot hot hottie chick persuasion (and dressed like a Scharde, thanks to her backstory, to boot). The twist is, however, she was a slave in a harem growing up, so her bardic skills are limited to playing the drums, and exotic dancing. Aka, she's a stripper bard.

We decide the only way to get into the warehouse is to sneak, because if we barge in, we'll get arrested, or killed, and the slaves might be in danger. So we come up with a genius plan.

My character beefs up her skills with some truenaming as she approaches, then hails the guards at the entrance, where she proclaims she works at the local tavern, the Whore's Nipple, and is part of an advertisement they're running at the docks, as part appreciation for loyal customers, and to let potential customers know what kind of services they're implementing.

continued...

continued...

She proceeds to plant the blade of her glaive deep in the dirt, and pole-dance her way to victory, using her fascinate ability as she strips and poledances for them, to distract them. Thing is, she can only fascinate one, but hopes the boobies, ass, and vagoo will distract the other. Meanwhile, the rest of the party sneaks in over one of the other walls nearby.

After the party gets into the warehouse, after a while, she's basically naked and doing all sorts of lewd stuff to stall for time by this point, when the one guard notices the other is basically out of it. A little too out of it. He realizes what she's doing and pops a crossbow shot at her, but he misses. He then sounds the alarm.

Truenamer uses the utterance that grants you a speed boost and wall-running, grabs her glaive and her great coat, and runs up the wall, naked, and takes a pot-shot at the aware guard with her polearm. The rest of the party charges out to help now that they've freed the slaves, and they take out the guards, with my poor bard still naked, the entire fight.

Afterwards, she puts her coat on, and goes out to find her clothes. Lulz were had.

(Pics related, first one is her doing what she does best, second is a sketch of her and her big Ogrun boyfriend)

>>754554
Could you possibly have found a less attractive picture of a stripper?

I'll sum my epic moment up. I was the storyteller.

tl;dr version

A newbie to the system and a veteran power-gamer type are in a zombie survival game i've constructed(No real structure, it was an on the fly 'let's play som shit' thing). It was very freeform so the PCs could do as they wish. The power gamer gets it in his head he wants to kill the newb, so he does his typical power-gaming shit and tries to exploit the system, etc.

Long story short, the newb managed to match the powergamer in every situation and come out on top by sheer luck and eventually killed the bastard before dying himself of wounds. I Think between them they killed 2 zombies.

>>754579

Sounds like a challenge.

first Call of Cthulhu game I DMed (or Keepered if we're getting technical), come to find the BBEG locked in the basement ready for resurrection. GF asks what's he's wearing, I can't find anything so I say he's naked "OK, I put a blanket over him" The corpse uses his magic points and starts hovering over where he was lying. Figure out battle, my brother goes first "I throw my lanturn at it" "...ok" "...roll of 00-1". The corpse is lit on fire, being over dry skin and bone with a freaking blanket on top. I took 10 minutes to computer this ending, it was awesome

>>753898
heh. we've used that tactic in 2 different SR games.

more recently:
there was a cabal of nazi-linked blood mages we were hunting for the Big D Bounty, and personal vendetta. they holed up in the basement of some wreck in the barrens and set up mindfucked hobos as guards, nasty spirits, the works. we said "screw that" and "borrowed" an oil truck, pumped the ground floor full (and got our asses shot off for it) and threw in a road flare.

that got their attention.

the older one is better though...

>>754778
the previous game (same GM, comedy-enhanced SR3) the GM had painstakingly mapped out a huge underground temple that a mining company had accidentally discovered. it was occupied, so we were hired to clear it out. we blithely saunter into the huge cavern where this place is, and get mobbed by the hugest swarm of scarab beetles evar. so we're booking it out of there, and suddenly the rigger gets an idea.
"they abruptly stopped digging, right?"
"yes"
"and they use a tunnel borer for the main shaft?"
"yes"
"can it be rigged?"
"it's rigger-only, and not big enough for more than humans"
so the rigger disappears whilst the party flees beetles.
then we hear an ominous rumble, and as the party flees to the mine shaft, spells and guns blazing, the rigger busts through the wall nearby with a "YEEEEHAAAA"

and we break for christmas vacation.

>>753970
Josh?

>>754800
the next session we played, he plows through the bugs and the entirety of the temple with a chunnel-scale rigged borer, three floors straight down.
the Shaman astrally suckerpunches the BBEG with some phenomenal success, and the rigger drives right through his body.

i don't think we even saw the floorplan to that dungeon-crawl.

>>754800

Same character (I wuv my Rigger so much, he's a batshit loco CAS army rigger; think classic wacko Vietnam Vet), we're crashing a meet between the Yakuza and Humanis Policlub for I dunno what reason. But shit gets hot, like, real hot. Guns blazing, spells flying, a 4th party showed up and started shooting up the place. Big clusterfuck in the Barrens, right?

Well, I am sitting in my Moble Command Center, which is an armored semi-truck with about a quarter million creds worth of high end electronics gear and a launcher bay for my drones built into the back.

The party steals the thing the Yaks and the Humanis boys were negotiating over and books it; on the way out, the Yaks call in their reinforcements. A Yellowjacket equipped with a minigun and 2 rocket pods. Party takes a few pot shots at it while running from cover to cover, and over the radio they warn me.

"Holy shit, holy shit, they've got an assault helicopter!"
"We're so fragged!"
"We can't hurt that damn thing!"

They make it to the rendevous point, and I come roaring around the corner at 70 mph. I slide the truck to a stop, and absorb a burst from the minigun in the process as I threw my baby between it and the other PC's. I throw open the deployment bay and the "backup" drone powers up. The one with quad .50 calibur machineguns full of APDS rounds.

2.5 seconds later the yellowjacket bursts into flames and slams into a warehouse, then deflects into the street and lands on a Yakuza van full of reinforcements.

"You wanted a ride?"

Were fighting zhoguans (sp?) in a underwater cavern. The PC's could breath underwater (lol a wizard did it). THere were about 500 of the fuckers wanting to kill us. So, druid turns into a whale and just rolls around on the cavern floor. Kills about 300, the other run. I have never seen that much XP since.

>>754841

Sounds like a totally cheesy, totally cool action flick from the 80s

>>754844
That is full of lols and win. I love it.

>>753973

Reminds me of my Slayer I played for 8 years (real life) before he copped it at the hands of Archeon.

I can't think of any epic moments I have had as a PC.

I guess my DMs fucking fail.

>>754889
Wow what coincidental timing for a return.

>>754898

How so?

>>754844

Clever tactics - a DM's worst nightmare. A natrual players' opportunism combined with a superior intellect knows no equal under the sun.

Aaaah, why do I not spot these threads earlier than 1:30am? If this thread's still here tomorrow I shall regale you with the tale of how I killed a God at level 2.

>>754613

Not my moment, but it was there and it was epic.

We had a player in our superhero tabletop game who was a powergamer jackass, through and through. This was the guy that randomly tried to kill the other PCs, threw grenades at people, etc. Well, the player had to leave for the military, not going to be back again until forever, so of course, the last thing he does is try to kill one of our player's LITTLE SISTER'S CHARACTER before he leaves. She's playing a super-powered 12 year old ninja; he's playing a hoodie-wearing serial-killer that reeks of Venom. They're facing off, and combat goes as follows:

DM: Hey, little sister, you're first. What do you do?
Little Sister: I get in a defensive stance and reserve my action.
DM: K. What do you do, powergamer?
Powergamer: I roar and rush her at a full run, and then--
Little Sister: I punch him in the face.
DM: Called shot?
Little Sister: Yeah.
*rolls*
Little Sister: 01.
DM: what
Powergamer: what
DM: Well, uh.. damage.
Little sister: *rolls 2d8* .. uh.. 8 and.. 8. Plus three.. 19.
Powergamer: Well, I'm fine then, I just hit her--
DM: Wait, roll for being knocked out on percentiles. Four times the damage.. so.. uh.. sorry man, you have to roll 96-100.
Powergamer: *rolls like a 38* This is BULLSHIT
Group: BELIEVE IT

And so he left the game, character punched out cold by a 12 year old.

>>754852

Thats how I roll.

In one instance I managed to jump the signal off a UCAS Army rigger in the Chicago containment zone and took control of an entire forward firebase, turning all the turret defenses on the guards within said base.

>>754920

Through the power of not believing?

>>754948

In after BELIEVE IT!

>>754953

Planescape, hoooo...

>>754266
Everyone is gay for Bridget. No exceptions.

Playing WH40 one time, my Imp's versus Nids. I'm pretty much getting raped by the 4th turn, with my HQ completely dead from stealers, 2 squads all but nothing save for a flamer, missle launcher team with krak missles and 2-3 soliders left, a chimera and 1 priest with an evisirator. Seeing the game well and truely over, and my last full squad about to be turned into Nid Warrior food (3 of the fuckers), I charge my suicidal priest into combat, hopefully wishing that I kill at least one before he kicks it. Lucky me though, because the priest scores a whopping 5 wounds on the nids (killing 2 and injurying the last one) before the beaten last Nid turns around and thumps him into the dirt.
Shooting phase up, and my missle team nukes the last Nid. To my surprise however, my full Imop squad who were so awestruck by the priest sacraficing himself for their lives grow some balls and shoot the lving shit outta the stealers.

10 imps, 10 stealers, no misses, all wounds. Crunch.

In the end, I was able to force a tie from a smashing defeat. Long live the Imperium! (sorry if that was hard to read, I'm dyslexic)

>>754995

I hope you whispered "The Emperor protects" and shed manly tears.

>>755007
I did, and constantly harassed the shit out of all the other guys there for not playing Guard. I would go on to win the next 2 games against Iron Warriors, and Eldar (its funny watching a Wraith Lord get obliterated by 3 krak missles lol)

The only moment that comes to mind involved a potion of waterbreathing, and the knowledge that the dust of dryness will turn into a marble-sized bead after absorbing 100 gallons of water which will release said water if you break it on the ground.

After that event though, I had to start letting the GM know exactly how much of something I was trying to buy...where before he would just list off the price of something and I could just buy however many I had the funds for.

And for around 850 gold per, dust of dryness was very affordable...

Again, more quotes I found from a different campaign.

Wolfgar: “Do you take salt in payment?”
GM (as Trader): “No, but we accept gold, copper, silver and large bags of shit.”
Wolfgar: “Shit?…huma-“
GM (as Trader):”Horse. You better be saying horse.”

Gudlauz: “I scream and leap at them, whirling my axe in an over-head arc, aiming to remove the soldiers head from his neck. I rolled a…72. Fuck.”
GM: “How do you like your pwn’d? Medium or fucked over?”

So I'm playing with my group a few months ago, consisting of me, a CN Human Sorcerer, a LG Half-elf Wizard, a LN Human Fighter, a Halfling rogue, and LN Human Monk. We'd just entered a jungle temple, and my party is expecting some Indiana Jones shit.
anyway, we had just made our way up a set of stairs that were obviously trapped with poisoned darts in the walls. there was a pattern to the trigger plates in the stairs, but it's irrelevant really. anyway, at the top, there's a door, a pedestal, and vines and moss covering everything in sight. rather than clear everything by hand, I tell my party members to stand back, and I'll just use burning hands to clear away the vines.
I do, and as they burn, my DM says, "You see a HUGE diamond on the pedestal..." so naturally, my immediate response is "I grab it."

Gasps from my party, as it is clearly another trap, and the fact that I just grabbed a diamond the size of my fist simply because I was closest.

the DM says to me "are you sure?" in one of those tones that just screams "you stupid bastard"

A wall slides up, and a giant boulder rolls out at me and down the stairs. I succesfully reflex save my way up to a safe ledge, but my party is at the top of the stairs, which are still trapped.
They begin jumping down and out of the way, dodging the darts now whizzing by.
In the end, everybody survives, either jumping up to statues on the walls, or getting down the stairs and out of the way.

still had to figure out how to get the door open though.

I have a few good ones...

DnD: the party of 6 was all lvl 3, new story coming into play and we have a traditional "you've gathered at the local inn and are planning your next adventure" part. They're doing that anyway, my dwarf barbarian is drinking the strongest stuff his armwrestling winnings can afford when an event NONE of us have seen before happens. A large demon comes up from a pit created in the middle of town.

I think the DM is hinting that it's time to run.

But my dwarf is very "dwarven spirited" so he runs out of the in and hucks his +1 axe right at the thing.
Me: *roll* "20!" *roll* "20 again!"
DM: "I think you need to use THIS die now"
He hands me a giant d20 out of the "bitch dice" pile that we use as loaner dice for loosers that forgot thiers. This pile is composed of dice that nobody wanted cuz they rolled like crap.
Me: *roll new giant d20* "umm...20?"
DM: well....

As it turns out the demon exploded destroying half the town and myself in the prosses...but the fighter in the party was able to recover my axe that had been turnend into a +3 keen axe of demonbane.