OP here, I want to apologize for the mass amount of typos and poor punctuation. I don't know what's up with all the weirdly place quotation marks.

wow. how did your team mates react?

To be fair, do you really think it would have mattered? I don't think a pissed off Wookie is going to take note of much detail.

>>796520
At first they were like =|. But then, they =D

>>796520
Not well. Alarms were set off, the guys in the vehicle bay were forced to face off with piloted AT-AT's, and the group raiding the armory were suddenly surrounded by half the bases staff, who were going there to gear up. It was a well laid plan turned slaughter.

Genius

>>796540
I admire the simplicity of your actions. It's... really, a brilliant in character move. Did you survive?

I was running a Cyberpunk 2020 game. Everyone except me and one other guy were totally unfamiliar with it, so I gave them an easy starter mission. All they had to do was burn down a warehouse for a mafia guy.

The group knew enough to know that you die incredibly easy in CP though, so they all spent like 2 hours preparing for it. They learned about a concert being played on the docks close to the warehouse, and where all the local fire stations were. I didn't think much of it, since all I put in their way were a couple security guard mooks.

So they come up with this elaborate plan to start a riot at the concert and use it for cover, by kidnapping the lead singer. Meanwhile, the Corporate guy would cause a distraction for the fire fighters.

The kidnapping went surprisingly well, even though they accidentally killed 2 band members with hydrological powered punches to the face.

The Corporate though, he wasn't paying too much attention during the planning phase. He drives to the nearest fire station, and starts whipping incendiary grenades thought the window. After a few seconds. Firemen start pouring out of the front door, only to have their brains splattered all over the front door from his revolver. After he empties it, he starts cutting them down with his katana. Eventually he stuffs his remaining grenades into the gas tank of the firetruck and blows the fuck up.

The rest of the group realizes they didn't have anyone set aside for the actual burning down of the warehouse. So they go back to the concert, walk through the crowd, kill the security guy who asked for a ticket, and one of them tries to whip a cocktail at the building. He misses, horribly, and hits the crowd. Now bullets and fista are flying everywhere, and the party barely makes it out alive. They ditch the car in a river (with the rocker still in the trunk) and walk away.

>>796579
Let's see... wearing Stormtrooper armor... enraged Wookiees... I'm sure they were fine. Just another tea and crumpets day.

D20 Modern game I was playing in. We'd been told that there were some strange creatures around; a hyena-like bipedal creature (Gnoll) and some lizard/dog-like creatures (Kobolds). So we went to investigate

Eventually figured out it would probably have something to do with this family, and decided to trail the most suspicious of them, the 13-year old boy.

So, when he left the house, with some heavy books under his arm, all 5 of us started following him. For some reason we thought that this would be subtle. Eventually he came to a house, knocked on the door, and went in quickly when it was opened.

We stood around outside, discussing what we would do, thinking that they might be up to some strange magic-y stuff in there, and finally decided the best thing to do would be bust down the door.

So, we break down the door, run into the house and point our guns into the first room we get to, finding...3 teenagers sitting around playing D&D. Our leader thought quickly, saying: "Sorry, wrong house!" and we all piled out again

That was embarrasing

Reminds me of a Shadowrun game.

Basically it was like the OP (though we were freeing elf hostages not wild wookies), we had dressed up as Lonestar guards and basically forced our way in yelling that we were here to take over. (oh, it was a rogue group of assorted securty firms that was the hostage takers) After we got in (A large Ork and Troll making inimidate checks is better then any passcard), I decide to be a hero and look for bigger guns. On the table, the GM says, is a rocket launcher, used by the guards to bust in in the first place. Now, I should have gone "Oh, that's good to have just in case shit goes bad", because when that pops up in our games that's the GM saying "We gonna get Droned, and lots of them".

Instead, I grab the RPG launcher, aim it at the cell they were using to hold the elves, and fire away.

In retrospect, I should have realized that a small cell+large boom=dead elves. Mr Johnson was not pleased.

>>796579
-9, then I stabilized. We ended up captured.

>>796589
any more to that?

>>796589
Why is it that Shadowrun games always have the most entertaining fuckups?

>>796598
Ok. Well. I still think that was hilarious, but your party obviously was going to have some words with you.

>>796602
In the next session they thought the best plan would be to expand the riot as best they could, and rob a bank. They stole a bobcat and ran through the crowds, squishing all in their way. And they also killed a bunch of woman and children who were hiding, by accident. Grenades and Molotov's are horrible weapons.

>>796607
In the prison cell, as soon as I was healed up to like 1 hp, the Jedi took a swing at me and knocked me the fuck out again. He got a dark force point, but he didn't care.

Dumbest brilliance was one time when we were on the eve of a major battle, and were supposed to assassinate the orc general and his officers (well, DOA and preferably alive, but that was assumed impossible), presumably in their "planning" tent. We sneak up succesfully with a group of rangers, and start preparing an elaborate plan, when I had a stroke of brilliance. I (Rogue naturally) had managed to get my hands on a portable hole a few session previous. Instead of using some complicated distraction, we chucked some thunderstones outside the tent, I cut a flap in the back of the tent, bagged the orc general, and gtfo'd. The rangers unleashed a torrent of arrows into the tent and set it on fire, then magicked in some mists and we took off while only losing a few of the NPC rangers as the orcs started to respond.

We returned to the Dwarf that assigned us the mission and handed him a bag 'o Orc. Being the gleefull repressed sadist he was, we got shit tons of extra lewt.

Needless to say, I never did get my portable hole back and our DM has sworn that it will never appear again in any campaign ever.

>>796604
Its cyberpunk, but yes cyberpunk settings have the most entertaining fuckups

This was all my fault.

We're playing D&D, and we're on our way to negotiate with some Ork warlord to allow a mining interest to continue exploiting his land for mineral wealth in exchange for... I can't remember. Probably a bad deal. But we had promised to help out our Noble NPC friend.

Anyway, en route we come to a deserted base camp at the foot of the mountain. Not quite a shanty town, but a pretty ramshackle assembly of buildings. NOBODY IS TO BE SEEN ANYWHERE. We move towards the center of the camp, which is situated around a well that has a currious sign errected in front of it. And then we see the dead bodies.

Paladin immediately informs us they are radiating evil, and had I known more about the magic system at the time, I would have realized they were zombies. They don't get up to come after us, however, and so we move towards the well. I make a beeline for the sign, because I think that it might have something important, like a record of what the fuck happened to these people. Paladin is right beside me, because he's getting anxious.

I set about deciphering the sign, as it is written in a language I'm not entirely familiar with, and I only get as far as "FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLS!" And then it explodes. And all the zombies get up. And the necromancer, whose explosive runes I just read and triggered and exploded both me and the paladin, comes waltzing out from behind a building. Fuck.

Needless to say, I'm a bit rune shy now.

Cyberpunk 2020.

One of us had already died twice, and so his new character was basically a walking weapons battery, almost completely impervious to bullets and flame and explosions and so on. We dubbed him Tanko and pretty much ignored any attempt he made to roleplay.

Anyway, we made it to the thirtieth story of a corporate tower and assassinated the CEO all stealth-mode style. Of course, once the CEO was dead, alarms started blaring and security guys started pouring in from all directions.

Tanko lept out of a thirtieth story window, abandoning the rest of us to our fates and incidentally dying after taking a stupendous amount of falling damage.

D&D, my party was busting up dragon eggs, because the dragons were working with the evil army that was conquering the world blah blah blah. Anyways, the dragon comes home, and we all hide. But we're trapped in the cave, with a very pissed dragon at the entrance. Before it can get a chance to sniff us out, the party rogue decides we should get some cover and try to slip past. So he uses his horn of fog. The last thing we see before the cave got misted up, was the dragons head snapping around and looking directly at the rogue who just blew a FUCKING HORN IN A CAVE.

>>796511
"Gentlemen, as you all know, the key element to victory is surprise.

Surprise!"

>>796631
Sup Belkar!

>>796659
Haha, nice.

I love threads like this

This was in one of the first (and last) Fantasy d20 campaigns I DM'd for my buddies in high school. I'd created this great opening to the campaign involving a giant battle between two armies that the baby adventurers found themselves in, in which through gentle manipulation, they'd try to escape from. Well instead, they decided to just attack a random side. They chose the side with the juvenile black dragons to fight. Each of the dragons had a rider that was casting spells, and our ranger decided he was going to pull out his bow and nail the rider. Well he's standing behind our mage, who is readying a magic missile to do the same thing. He fires as soon as its his turn, critically misses, and ends up burying the arrow in our mage's ass. After getting yelled at out of game, the ranger tries to fire again, but once again critically misses and nails the mage in the ass! The mage is down to 1 hp at this point, our warrior and paladin get raped by the dragon, and the ranger falls on his sword. Last campaign I ran for that fucktard.

>>Kashykk

Needs more yyy's

I am currently running a WHFRP game.

The group has pissed off a Von Carstein by killing its mate. So now they have a number of vampires chasing them.

Group leader: okay, we will travel by day and let one person keep watch at night while the rest of us sleep by a fire.
Group: Yeah, sounds good to me.

Me(gm): (secretly) *facepalm*


I mean seriously, they are just asking to be ambushed when the character with ADD (halfling) gets his watch.

>>796733

Does running WHFRP games sorta go similar to D&D?

(Also, does anyone have the WHFRP rulebook .pdf on rapidshit?)

Raising the Dead near Lawful Good Monk NPC's

>>796743
Yeah, except people are much more likely to die.

>>796743

It's here
>>795580

>>796655
Fucking lol'd hard.

>>796765
Short and sweet

>>796655
I really cant stop laughing.

>>796810
I'm this guy.

A word of advice my friends, never eat a dragon heart.

>>796904
Your character died from protein overload?

>>796938
No no, he rolled a critical 1. [spoiler]Heart failure[/spoiler]

This story requires setup.
I play D&D at a gaming store.
Its 15% friends who rock to play with, and 85% weeaboos and neckbeards.
Naturally, when one of the 85% gets into one of our games, or we have to play with them (it is a store afterall, and the owner would kill us for driving away customers) we get to hear comments you would epic to be said from behind a guy fawks mask.

Samples include-
1= Player willingly touching the SEED of transmutation magic. A literal seed, 10 feet tall, blinding anyone detecting magic and amping all effects around it. He touches it.

2= For gameday, we had a lvl 25 tower adventure. Your lvl 25, you need to get to the top, and some role playing cause most of my friends just remade old epic characters.
2 weeaboos play.
one is a lvl 25 fighter. pure. fighter. Duel wield. +28 to hit. 1d10+9 damage. This player, although new to epic, has been playing D&D for half a year.
A catfolk (aka furry) ninja. 23 ninja. Total ranks in hide/move silently= 0. Understanding of sudden strike= 0. Vow of poverty and magic items? Check.

3= Im not gonna describe it, but imagine a 18 year old girl who looks like she got hit by a truck playing a high charisma elf hitting on you in game. Scariest day of my life. What was worse is the rest of the weeaboo males fawn over her like shes not a 1.

4=The worst I saved for last.
1st time DM, runs a lvl 18 game.
In this game is me and 2 friends (we really wanted to show this guy his mistake.) and 4 other players. 3 of these players are BRAND FUCKING NEW TO D&D. The fourth is a neckbeard who thinks everyone wants to hear about his characters. I dont want to explain in full detail what happened, but lets just say we ended the one session with 5 divine ranks each.
I think i win?

Our GM set us in a high politics D&D world where almighty great archmagi and priests were doing the whole "controlling the fate of nations" things and routinely manipulating us at every turn (we were about level 10 or so). Needless to say we were getting pretty pissed both IC and OC at having our attempts to make the world a good place thwarted at every turn. Things came to a head when were in this dungeon we've explored about three fucking times already (but it's prime real estate so new bad guys keep moving in) and one of our group "falls a long way"^TM and it looks like he's going to get captured. We need a diversion to get him out, we cant kill the guards without causing a political upset and being thrown out of about three different nations at once.

We start devising this elaborate plan.. get about halfway through the tedious "you set of this alarm then i..." and look at each other. As a group we all announce "Fuck It" and they all look at their fearless leader. We all ran down the corridor singing the Numa Numa song as loudly as fucking possible, slaughter all the guards, free our mate and make a beeline to the coast, right across most of a country and a large stretch of wilderness slaying everything we meet that's remotely hostile or trying to manipulate us. Then we buy a ship and become pirates.

Not sure if that counts as dumb but you should have seen the look on the GM's face as he kept trying to railroad us back into politics and we just kicked the shit out of every challenge. To this day it is referred to as "The Pirate Incident", but it worked really well and breathed a spectacular amount of life into the game. Also made the gm think a bit harder about the world too which was fun.

>>797028
I loled heartily.

>>796938
>>796986
Lol no, apparently when your from the Iron kingdoms universe and you cross over to the Forgotten realms, and you eat a dragon heart you explode

>>797046
What the hell kind of awesome campaign were you running?

>>797028
I always wanted to do that. I hate being railroaded.

>>797028
this is brilliant. A+ for derailing the DM's Politics Train.

>>797046
Why did this make me think of A Song of Ice and Fire?

>>796511
LOLOLOLOLOLOL

“Alright, you’ve just decapitated the security rigger. On the screen in front of you, a red flashing box appears. It says ‘Internal Security compromised. Alert!’ The alarm start ringing. What do you do?”
“Is there a toolbox here? With a screwdriver inside?”
“Uh…yeah.”
“Can I cut the plastic bit off of the screwdriver?”
“Oooookay…”
“Great! I stick the guy’s head onto the screwdriver and jam it back onto his neck! Is the alarm still going off?”
“. . .”

>>We all ran down the corridor singing the Numa Numa song as loudly as fucking possible, slaughter all the guards, free our mate and make a beeline to the coast, right across most of a country and a large stretch of wilderness slaying everything we meet that's remotely hostile or trying to manipulate us. Then we buy a ship and become pirates.

epic

The best bit was the actual plan was accompanied by one of the group revealing he had three bottles of Captain Morgans rum in his bag.

I have never seen a GM look so horrified in all my life, but he got over it. To this day I'm still being asked by my friends "not to derail their plots". Still we explored a previously unknown part of the world, made some enemies, got a small island nation entirely overtaken by undead, caused a minor war and pissed off the "king of the pirates".

Previously we had also found an incredibly powerful illusion orb thing, which when we worked out how to use it apparently responded to requests... the half dragon bard (jokingly and not expecting it to work) asks it nicely to make "the entire ship and all who sail on her invisible whilst they are on board". Rolls diplomacy... artifact gets nat 1, bard gets about forty something... Cue invisible pirate ship with three mages on sailing up to shipping, wiping the entire deck in the suprise round with fireballs, gust of wind takes out the fire, we swing over and capture the ship. An entire ship taken over in two combat rounds... a few make whole spells or a feather token here and there and we have another ship....

the party decided to get drunk and hit up a brothel, they woke up the next day in a dark alley, no belongings,half of them got HIV, the other half got some other STD's and 2 weeks later a half orc woman went up to the elf with a baby in her arms and drug him back to her house yelling. then the game ended and we started over

Cyberpunk again.

We were chaising down an assassin who specializes in mono-filiament wires and traps to kill. We broke into his hideout, and in the middle of the fight he ducks out a door and hits a switch extending webs of mono-wire over the doors and windows to escape. The solo, bless his everloving empty head, rolls a grenade at the door to blow the wires out of the way...

Solo- "There's enough room under the wire mesh to roll the grenade under it, right?"
GM- "Yeah, but..."
Solo- "Good, I make sure to roll it out into the hallway, past the mesh, so we'll have a better chance to avoid the blast."

About the time we take cover, it dawns on the rest of us that Explosion + Mono-wire = Monofilamnet Shrapnel.

We survive, if only barely, and then make our way out after the assassin, who's waiting at the end of a long alleyway, flips us off, and dashes off around the corner. The Solo shouts, "AFTER HIM!" and we charge down the alley.

Headfirst, full speed, reckless charge down the alley.

After the Mono-wire specialist.

Who's had about 10 minutes to escape but was still at the end of the alley when we got there...

Yeah, long story short, our groups' headcount was down by about half after that...

>>797052
Well it all started out when our DM bought some Iron Kingdoms stuff, and he decides HEY! lets do an iron kingdoms campaign(without looking too deeply into the rules of magic, which are completely fucking stupid). We start off in the usual multi-plane bar we always start at, the "Nymphs Nipple"(this bar is literally in every one of our campaigns, even the star wars ones) as soon as our characters sit down we get conscripted into service of those blue guys(I don't remember the faction name). We start out as a scouting party, move up to raiding party, then occupying force.(All the wile I the Scout/Gunmage fumbling my rolls and generally being useless). The less and less helpful my character is the more and more uninteresting in the campaign I become (during this time the DM does some reading and discovers that healing and spellcasting in Iron Kingdoms is all FUBAR) so we venture from our captured steam punk soviet base into a town and then a nearby cave. Literally each door in the cave is trapped, and I become vastly bored browsing the interwebs on my laptop as they find and disable each trap. We get to 3 doors and out of my stupor i announce "Ill take the one on the left" and kick down a door. The DM gos "Are you sure" and I say "Dude Im hella bored we've been disarming traps for the past hour and a half of fucking course I kick the damn door in"
cont*

>>797104
continued*
Sooo *poof* we end up in the underdark.(even the DM was getting tired of Iron Kingdoms) The only problem is that only me and a few others even have dark vision and are basically being assholes and leading the others into walls an stuff.

Skip a few sessions I missed and we are fighting a Young Red Dragon. We manage to kill it and my friend who is actually role playing decides its a good idea since he is a trollkin that a dragon heart sounds just damn tasty. He eats the damn thing and boom he pops like a baloon. Im sick of my gunmage who is now totally useless in Forgotten Realms I say Im standing close to him and am fragged by exploding trollkin. We both rolled new characters, and mines going to be exceptionally vicious.

>>797084
>>got a small island nation entirely overtaken by undead

Do tell.

Lemme see... one of my friends groups is time traveling to the future om the same world as the crazy pirate guys (one of the groups is an oracle in training). They've done this one or two times before and they know that if the oracle dies the vision ends and everyone wakes up in their beds nice and safe (ish). They're standing outside the door to the throne room of BBEG and discussing the fact that he's an ass and they need to kill him.

Cue BBEG's head adviser opening the door and going "treason much?". Cue the party druid saying "Treason? That's on my list of things to do, right after leaving here!" and the entire group getting chopped up by palace guards.

Oh... see also the same group de-railing the plot for five sessions to get some old guy a raddish for his lunch (level 5, quest lasted nine days, gp earned: one chicken), Randomly murdering some guy who MIGHT become a BBEG in the future (level 7, quest lasyed 22 days, gp earned: 17 silver) and finally... agreeing to hunt a magically immune goblin like creature for a hugely powerful archmage for 20gp (group ECL 12). Cue the party being teleported halfway around the world into a trap laid by their enemies... Quest duration? one weeks and still counting. Although they have currently managed to befriend a clan of bronze dragons and received the mantle of dragon riders + full kit. I have to admit for a bunch of naive fools they do have SO much fun...

>>796715
ITT Rolling poorly = stupidity

>>797121

Turns out a bunch of free minded undead were hanging around and we might have "accidentally" assassinated the only people on the island powerful enough to hold them off because they were being arsey and trying to steal our stuff... (well i say OUR stuff... it might have had the govermnents stamp on it and technically been their property but we stole it from some pirates... so it kinda made it ours. Right?)

We kill the harbour master and his guards, steal their stuff and sail off into the sunset. We come back two weeks later to find the island completely overrun by undead and merrow.

It was dumb, but also epic. We had a psi-warrior, and a psion. We were in a dungeon that was sort of maze-like. We knew the magic item we wanted was a room away, but there was some kind of puzzle to get through the passageway. So, the psion summoned up some ectoplasmic creatures with ridiculous strength, and bufffed up the psi-warrior, and they drilled through the wall. It took us a few days, but we did it.

I've never played a game like this. What's a good one to start on?

>>797121
I second this request.

I wasn't in the group at the time but my friends group where all convinced to run to the top of a burning building just cause. They also started the fire.

TPK

Cyberpunk, yet again.

We raided a Corp base in broad daylight. The Solo used his powered arms to rip open some blast doors which we knew had a tank prototype behind them.

This took about ten minutes.

"Okay, so you rip open the doors, eventually, and..."

"FUCK YEAH I LEAP THROUGH TO STEAL THAT TANK"

"The tank is already activated. You can see the crew in it. The barrel is pointing right at you. You can see the seventy security guys and all their guns. They're also pointing at you."

"...fuck."

>>797134
i'm suprised the DM didnt make the wall a loadbearing wall and make the entire place fall down on you when you got through.

>>797028
>>797084
>>797125
>>797132

I'M THE GODDAMN DM FOR ALL THOSE GAMES.

FUCKING PIRATES.

Oh, and my players have their own ways of messing up things. Their idea of questioning someone usually involves "lol, cut off his arm".

Now, who would it be who's posting on /tg/.... I must work it out to take revenge....

>>797183

HEY No fair! that was a perfectly lawful act ye git! (guy was undead, cant feel pain and we had an easy way to re-attach lost limbs afterwards... it was hardly actually dangerous) at least i didn't crawl up his ass like I threatened to... i swear i must be the only PC in the world named after a god-damaned laptop. (PS... hi DM ^^... m booting up msn now so you can castrate me online)

Noob, called is characters "builds", Little Fears, "No Dad No", etc.

>>797197

This is what I get for making a homebrew world and letting the players change events... chaos, and complaints about politics :D

Charged The Nightbringer with a dozen Genestealers.
Nightbringer won.

Charged the side of a Russ with a Carnifex who had Rending Claws and got in the mid-twenties for vehicle pen.
We decided to use the ordinance chart.
Twenty-ish nearby gaunts were then incinerated, and the Carnifex who was on his last wound died too.

"Those three Space Wolves look improtant, I bet I can take them down with enough Gaunts."
Nope.

>>797132

You and your group are awesome and I wish I'd gamed with you.

>>797280

You would be welcome anytime your in dear old Blighty. We do indeed have far too much fun :P

>>797183
>>797197
ITT talking to oneself.

>>797296

Hah... lies. check the IP's before insults.

>>797314
ITT stating facts is an insult.

>>797322

There is only one person posting every post in every topic on every board of 4chan.

ITT: Overuse of ITT

I run an WtWW game made up of mostly new players. Well unknown to the players, their Caern was once in the possession (and was still being used by) the Nuwisha. The Get took it so Coyote began presenting himself to the Garou as Loki (a totem from the breedbook). In the first session the new cubs are given a chance to think about everything and come to terms with their new lives, as well as get to know each other. Well in about 30 secs the two Get Ahrouns egin throwing punches, so I decided the totem shows up just to watch. While it did get the two to stop punching each other, they decided to focus on the blonde guy laughing at them. By this point the whole rest of the pack has figured out who this spirit is, but the two warriors are too focused on killing the guy to listen. Needless to say, the Get and Silverfang elders didn't take to kindly to the cubs trying to throat ther totem.

Oh and one of these two ALSO threw rocks at a Raven totem of one of the established packs. I told the theurge (Iron Rider) that with his track record, if he was ever unsure if something was a spirit, wait for the Get to attack it.

>>797314
How do I checked IP?

>>797377
You don't. I've been on 4chan since there was a loli board and I have never found a check IP function.

>>797336
ITT how much should we use?

>>797377

it's kind of an insult rather than a request, although if your a fully fledged mod you can check ip's. Oh and ITT.

One of my groups was playing as a bunch of art thieves in nWoD with the psychic template from second sight. they're all fairly weak psychics, mostly with their skills invested in standard mortals characters. They have to raid a painting from this house... there are five thieves in the group and about seven or so guards in total in the entire building, a TV repair man who's irish (and happens to be really quite good at fighting), the owner of the house and a couple of maids (sleeping). Now rather than sneak in like all good burglars they decide that they need a plan to deal with the guards... animal mind control boy wanders off into the woods whilst the rest of the group are discussing the plan and comes back with... of all things. a warren of rabbits, a pigeon and most of a flock of starlings. Whilst the rest of the group are still discussing what to do he directs the pigeon onto one of the security camera's and gets it to mostly obscure the camera view. He then starts passing the rabbits over the wall one by one...

What followed was absolute chaos as he ordered the swarm of twenty or so rabbits to attack the guard dogs and handlers with the starlings running distraction whilst the group ran inside, climbed UP a chimney and nabbed the art... finally escaping on bicycles. We shall not talk about the super-soakers filled with what was essentially essence of stink for spraying in peoples faces and confusing the guard dogs.

Absolute madness... complete insanity. but very lulzy

Our Dm included Noh in my Forgotten Realms campaign. Half-orc barbarian, RPed and statted to be a vicious warhammer wielding monster by one of my friends, was trying to get after one of the other players for using him to test for traps.

When Noh says 'Don't take the.." he says:

"I grab her by the head and slam it against the wall."

The DM laughs, knowing the original story, and says, stuttering (with supressed fits of giggles) "Sh-he rep-eats "don't-'t take these tre-sa-sures" (Or however that goes)

Half-orc guy roars with laughter and says: "Is that what the bitch says after I scramble her brain?!"

Okay, so it was my first time running a DnD game...

My players were walking in a desert, trying to find dragon eggs to give to a vampire who is blackmailing them, etc.

Soooo... They come over a dune and see some strangely goldish creatures down in this little desert valley. As I'm describing the scene the cleric says, "I'm using Sound Burst!" and I'm like "crap." Well, one Sound Burst later two very angry Dragonnes charge up the dune and prepare to eat my players. Fortunately... The Sorcerer knows how to speak Draconic and convinces them that the cleric is a retard.

So, no one was eaten, though the cleric continued to be retarded in later adventures.

>>797422

>>797372

That reminds me of an WtA game we were in. Basically a bunch of BSD (think evil werewolves) had stolen a bunch of the players kinfolk. Well, while the rest of the group tried to come up with some plan of attack and basically just sat and talked, our Ragabash (a bone gnawer) just said 'fuck it' and charged out, trying to find a trail. The rest of the pack took a double take as the cub raggie rushes out alone. Even the ST was shocked, but through some lucky rolls and weird chance, he manages to find them, then kill two while waiting for the pack to catch up.

This is the same character that simplified 'no mateing with other werewolves' to "No cousin' fuckin'".

>>797126

Not so much the crappy rolls, but the fact that he fired at a monster who was directly on the other side of his ally. Twice.

Our gaming group was heading to a Cloud Giant's castle to regain the skull of an Efreet's dead brother. The party consisted of a warlock, a Druid, a few other guys not important to the story, and a Lizardfolk fighter with 4 Int.

We reach the entrance of the castle, and find it guarded by a large pack of wolves. The druid calms them, but we still find it too dangerous to try and work our way past them. The warlock casts his invisibilty and flight spells, flies through a window, and snatches the skull without alerting anyone.

So we're on our way to leaving, when the Lizardfolk's urge to pet the fuzzy puppies becomes too strong. He scoops up one of the wolves, hugs the crap out of it, and breaks the calming effect the druid had on them. They start barking, the Cloud Giant storms out of his castle can chases us along the edge of a cliff;

Druid: "You freaking idiot! Why did you have to grab that wolf!?"

Lizardfolk: "Mr. Fuzzythumpkins wanted me to pet him!"

Warlock: "Well now that Giant is going to kill us! Get rid of that thing!"

Lizardfolk: "So that big, beardy bastard chase us if we keep puppsies?"

Group: "YES!!!"

Lizardfolk: "Alrighty. Bye bye, puppsies."

The Lizardfolk then tosses the wolf over the edge of the cliff. We made it out of there alive, due to the fact the Giant was shell-shocked because one of his beloved pets was tossed into a ravine, and the fact that the DM had an asthema attack from laughing so hard.

Rifts - Merc Campaign

En route to our objective, our driver (the smuggler) falls asleep at the wheel and wrecks the van into a ditch. Whilst the party tries to pull the van out, me (bounty hunter) and the LeyLine Walker head out to explore the area. Long story short, the LeyLine Walker levitates me about 200ft into the air to a better view of the surroundings. Coincedently, our combat borg happens to look in our direction and sees me levitating.

You see, our combat borgs' backstory was that he was put into that metal casket because he had been blasted by a giant fireball from an evil sorceror. So he hates all magic ppl and me and 5 other players didn't know this.. However up till this point of the game, our magic users had not used anything noticable till now.

So we head on back after we were unable to find anything. I walk into the winnebego and sit down near the door. I look up to see the fucking "Terminator" looking at me with those eyes, proceeds to the back of the winnebego, and next thing I know, I hear a chainsaw crank to life. The borg bursts through the wall and I narrowly avoid this. I dive out the door and bring my sniper rifle up to find that he had cut the top of the barrel off. We then begin this game of cat and mouse around the winnebego until I finally crawl into a tiny ass cave the borg can't get to. The GM and others are ROFLing at this point so hard they fall out of there seats. Frustrated, the borg proceeds to self-destruct with a small tac-nuke in his chest. Everyone stops laughing and try to frantically negotiate with the borg only to fail miserably and everyone died.

Women getting their heads bashed in? Sounds awesome to me. Explain this Noh thing...

>>797656
the druid's opposition to these actions is a mystery.

>>797672
absolutly fucking not
we are NOT starting that pedo shit up again

>>797677

Pedo shit? Oh, sorry I asked.

>>797656
INT = WIS, amirite?

>>797685

It's a stupid distinction that makes it really hard to actually act in character. "So I have a low Wis, does that mean I can't figure things out or that I can't tell good ideas from bad ones?"

>>797685

The Lizardfolk's WIS was 6....

The Druid made him plant dozens of trees for his stupidity.

>>797672
If you don't know what it is, there's no point in explaining it. It'll just stir up more shit and you probably wouldn't see why people think it's so great anyway. It's the sort of thing you just had to be there for.

>>797734

Better answer:
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/epic/threads/noh.htm

>>797667
God I love RIFTS, I should run one again for the lulz.

>>797046
I think I shat a little I was laughing so hard when I read that.

I got one.

So me and my party were in the Underdark trying to rescue some of a Rakshassa's "Pets" (Two Catgirl Slaves) from a Drow Slaver party. The Slaver Party had camped out in this huge open cavern. The Drow were in the open area of the cavern, and to the right of them, were some ruins of some old Svirfneblin outpost and among the ruins, were some Rothe. A herd of 30 (10 males, 10 females, 10 Calves/Juvies/Teenagers).

Rogue guy has the bright idea of causing a stampede to distract the Drow so some of us can rescue the catgirls in the confusion. The rest of us nix the idea citing the possibility the Rothe won't act the way we want to plus the confined space of the cavern.

To make a long story short, the plan me and the others conceive goes horribly wrong after the rogue, miffed at not being able to cause a stampede, shoots a sentry he wasn't supposed to take out. This then causes the sentry to discharge his crossbow in his death throws, and the arrow finds it's mark in the ass of the Dominant male Rothe in the heard. This in turn causes the Rothe Herd to begin stampeding. My Fighter and the Aristocrat/Rogue (Not the rogue that wanted to incite the stampede) barely escape being trampled to death, the Drow wound the catgirls in the ensuing confusion, which in turn, makes them prey to the stampede. They become kitty pancakes.

Needless to say, the Rakshassa torments us for a few levels before we manage to dispatch him via another induced (and planned) stampede of Holy Cows in a setting based on Pre-British India (Or think of the movie The Legend of the Kama Sutra for an idea of the time frame).

I am officially giving this thread the Leeroy Jenkins Card of Approval.