drizzt

reference your own picture. if you can't think of a way to bug people with a deitous reptile, you shouldn't be DMing.

Anything Kender.

A lizardman that insists he's an orc with a skin condition.

A minotaur that goes around saying: "I'm a cow, moo! I'm a cow!"

>>909460
kobold favoured soul?

>>909460

Who says he's DMing? He's probably some fourteen-year-old, looking to bug the shit out of his older brother whose Mom said he had to let him play or he couldn't invite his friends over.

OP here, im not DMing a game, one of the newer players to our group is trying to have a crack at it, only problem is he's bieng a total facist about character creation, certain classes can only be certain races e.g. only elves can be wizards, although he says that all races mix equally, so i dont see why elves couldnt teach the magic to other races and he's not giving me a reason for it. So in conclusion, i want to fuck over his entire campaign.

>only elves can be wizards

THE FUCK?

Shank that bitch. Shank him hard.

And then play a gnomish barbarian/bard.

Should you happen to play Hero or Gurps or similar that allows disadvantages take maximum amount of those. That's usually really hilariously annoying to everybody else.

Meet my überfighter with both of his legs and a arm missing, but boy can he swing that sword with his remaining arm. as long as there's somebody to push his cart along.

>>909474
gnomish illusionist is even more annoying.

If the DM's being a fascist about character creation, he probably won't allow the more interesting builds. So you'll have to make do with a normal build and just roleplay him retarded.

OP again, should have told you that he's only letting one of each basic class (3rd D&D), and weve already got a rogue and a wizard.

>>909462
Fun fact: Kender only exist because Hickman's wife could/would only play kleptomaniac too-cute-for-words halflings that looked like miniature elves.
She's also responsible for their fucked up social standards and education system. "LOL THEY'RE TAUGHT TO DO THINGS BY 'GAME MASTERS' TEEHEE'

Concept is important, but details are crucial. Speak with an accent or other speech impediment "for roleplaying purposes". Maybe a lisp, maybe you're French.

For class - take as many as you can! Pick fighter as your first class, most of your friends will assume that you're the meat shield, then take whatever you want. By lvl 5 you could be a fighter/rogue/sorcerer/bard/something from a retarded splat book.

Or you can go for a race with a huge LA and be the healer. This is fun because while it might go undetected at first, you will really suck at your role in the group.

How defined is the world in this game, specifically the religious aspects? For instance, is he as restrictive about race and religion, or is that something he forgot?

Another thing that I recommended a while ago, is choose a practically worthless non-combat skill (like baking) and say that you resent having been raised for what ever class you are. Refuse to do anything that isn't related to that single skill.

Okay.

Human fighter. Use the age modifier rules, make him over fifty - that gives you a bonus to INT and WIS, a negative to STR and CON.

Have absolutely no patience for spellcasters or trickery. You've been a grunt for decades, and you've never needed any sort of tomfoolery when you helped put down the goblin invasion of aught-six.

Constantly wear three day's worth of grey stubble, and be chewing on a used tindertwig. Don't take any mastercraft weapons or armour - your sword is a godsdamned piece of metal, just like your father's before you and his father's before him.

Play him slightly racist, and constantly question the sexuality of the casters. Go off on tangents every so often about military experiences you've had. Do the voice like Clint Eastwood, if you can.

Make a fighter so stupid that he has to be pointed at battle. However, be certain that he stays at bars the entire campaign. If the DM tries to pass you up insist on your turn. Occasionally get very serious and hit on the bar maids when that turn happens.

>>909532
WINRAR

half-orc half-minotaur pimp

>>909532
O_O this is made of win and awesome old coots.

>>909532
That can just as easily become something horrendously badass, depending on how you flesh out the idea.

Give him some mage-slaying/anti-magic class or prestige class, and send the seasoned wizard/sorceror/priest-slaying old fart out into the world.

>>909532
YOU MUST DO THIS

stat me

Tourist from Sigil. Make patronising comments about how quaint and wonderfully rustic everything is.

Actually, just play Ford Prefect. Stat him up as a human... rogue? Then focus all your skills and feats on wandering around looking at cool stuff and writing it up for a travel guide, and limit your combat abilities to brawls and surviving being kicked out of bars for not paying your tab.

>>909618
Wait, crap, can't take Rogue. Try for Expert or Aristocrat from the DMG - IIRC they're not too much weaker than PC classes, and you can either ask for an extra feat or something to bump you up a little or live with the weakness. Not that it matters for a hoopy frood like you, mind.

>>909618

And don't forget your towel.

>>909594

The Saint of Killers is a rank 16 diety of Vengeance (always gets the maximum result on his rolls), with DR 51/epic and Immunity to Fire. He wields +10 Keen Quick-loading Consumptive Hunting revolvers.

Salient abilities are Annihilating Strike, Banestrike (humans and evil outsiders), Divine Ranger, Divine Shield, Divine Weapon Focus & Specialization, and Frightful Presence. Feats include Far Shot, Ranged Sunder, and Stable Footing.


Of course, if we were playing Mutants & Masterminds, he would simply have X-Stats in all fields.

>>909641
+1

>>909532
Take Shaky Hand and Murky Eye.

Your feats are Improved Initiative (so you always hit first), Improved Unarmed Strike (so you can still smack a bitch when you lose your sword), Endurauce (because you learned to march in heavy armour when you were fifteen, not like these punks today), and Toughness (because you're fucking tough, that's why).

>>909532
Problem: He wanted an annoying character. That character sounds awesome. Save it for a good game.

>>909668
Damn right.

>>909664

He gets yet another feat for being a fighter.

Take Power Attack. Not much good on its own, but it's a prerequisite you'll need later.

>>909647
Just play Nobilis. Basic invincibility is pretty cheap, even for starting characters, and the game is already set up for him to be, well, the Saint/Noble of Killers.

Starting characters can, with a basic Rite taught to most Nobles by their Imperators, handle nukes with ease.

>>909677
Not much good on its own? Son, you haven't looked very long at where that and a greatsword'll get you.

Focus on absolutely nothing but jacking up your AC in all ways possible. Do full defense actions whenever possible. Start singing "Never Gonna Give You Up" as the enemies flail on you uselessly. Might want to get a Ring of Evasion and some form of perpetual miss chance (Cloak of Displacement'd be good) ASAP. Monk miiiight be a good choice for this and would let you scratch the ring, though you can twink your AC up more cheaply in full plate + shield.

The most annoying thing you can do? Be a thief and steal everything, all the time. You meet the king to learn of Ye Important Quest? Pick his pocket. You go to the local tavern? Steal the barstools. Orcs attack your party? Forgo fighting back to try to steal from them.

Since he's a newbie DM, he probably won't let the party be wiped out like it ought to be but will keep giving you a pass until he can't take any more.

Also, insist upon speaking Shakespearian English.

>>909792
This works better if you've never read or heard any Shakespearian English.

>>909484
Wow, I don't even know that much about Kender, but those sound retarded.

>>909812
And not even in a funny way.

>>909718
Do this, but you'd need more songs.

Warlock.

Based on Jack Black. Claim that you're actually a bard, and that your Eldritch Blasts are the power of your ROCK and METAL, channelled through your crappy old guitar.

>>909818
Nah. The point is you're Rickrolling your enemies. Besides, more songs might risk it becoming actually entertaining.

Wait. Grab a Bard or Sorcerer (I'd say Wizard if that weren't taken). Use nothing but illusions. Start the Rickroll routine every time someone's fooled by them.

monk with a vow of poverty

>>909849 druid with a vow of poverty
Fixed for awesome. Monks tend to do better with gear, but Druids are excessively powerful even when they're prevented from using any. VoP lets them have the benefits of gear even when they can't carry any, and fuck, it fits the class pretty well.

I WANDER THE WILDS WITH A STICK AND NO SOAP.

>>909809
True. You must use random words as inappropriately as possible, and use the -eth suffix on all your verbs.

>>909866

Remember:

thou = you
thy = your (is this your cat?)
thine = yours (is this cat yours?)

Make sure everyone else knows how to use them, and use them wrong.

>>909827

Just be a regular Bard but ALL you say are the lyrics to Never Gonna Give You Up, as appropriate to the context.

Bard who sings ROW ROW FIGHT THA POWA?

A kobold that's convinced that every female wants to get in his figurative pants.

McGyver as an antagonist.

A cleric who's taken a vow of chastity.

And won't shut up about it.

McGyver.

As the BBEG.

A cleric with a vow of chastity.

Who won't shut up about it.

>>909966
A kobold that's convinced that every female wants to get in his LITERAL pants....

...Mind you he really like those pants. his mother made them for him, and these larger size-class women threaten to stretch them out.

a fat ugly ass hyper chick who hates men, but loves the idea of seeing two male elves have sex. She also thinks that every man wants her because she can "fight".

My best bet, try to make a really obvious rip-off of someone supposedly unbeatable. Here we go.
Nuck Chorris.
Have a big'ol lead up to this huge amazing boss battle, lot of uber graphics, blah blah blah...
Then give him roughly the stat adverage of a Lvl 1 Commoner.

That oughtta get some people riled up.

Or a character that rearanges your inventory whenever he's talked to, but you get quests from him. That's horrible too.

A kobold that's convinced that every female wants to get in his LITERAL pants! Damn larger size-class races will stretch them out! Thats real dragon leather too, do you know how hard it is to find kobold sized dragon leather pants?

Play as a wizard wo is obsessed with meat and whose only major goal in life is teh construction of a Meat Golem.

>>909966
This shit is more hilarious when you realise kobolds abhor such "bestiality."

>>909894

Also -

You = You, but either to an inferior or intimate acquaintance.

Middle English is fun fun fun.
Also, the 'e' in Olde is silent.

>>909498
A gnome bard with excessive ranks in cooking and lisp, making him picky about using only the "finess eeengreediants"

Play a Digester as a PC.

Play a Digester as a PC.

"Hey guys, you gonna eat that apple? I really want that apple. It looks so good and tasty and *SQUIRT*!"

hey guys

>>909664

Why not Diehard instead of toughness? Or are we still trying to make really weak characters?

>>909498
A gnome bard with excessive ranks in cooking and lisp, making him picky about using only the "finess eeengreediants"

>>909532
This Is an awesome idea. I may have to try using this.

Make a troll bard with an INT of 3.
Now, bring a large number of rustic instruments with you to the table. Make sure you have no idea how to play any of them. And every turn that you use a musical ability, play the fuck out of that instrument. And sing. In the voice of a retarded troll. EVERY. FUCKING. TIME.
If that doesn't piss him off, nothing will. Save the fighter class for a good DM that can appreciate such badassery.

>>909966

The idea of a kobold casanova sounds full of when. I think I have my next character...

>>909532
Fucking win

>>909498
A gnome bard with excessive ranks in cooking and lisp, making him picky about using only the "finess eeengreediants"

>>909532

Legend!

>>910150

>>sounds full of when

>>909823
You need to party hard.

>>909966
>>910031
are nice

>>910138
fucking lol

>>910052
It's not silent when you want to be annoying.

Crossclass as a bard/rogue.

Elf wiizard with intelligence 10, who is contantly "correcting" everyone else around him with bad logic

If you want to be even more supremely annoying with AC, get yourself a tower shield and use it as total cover every single turn. For even better results, Antimagic Field yourself; you are literally impossible to attack.

I cant believe that nobody mentioned Rood, the warforged who used to be a magic door.

>>909822
Too good. Not annoying enough.

>>910557
Howzabout a warforged that used to be a magic Bidet? He chases after people trying to shoot jets of ice cold water up their asses.

>>910491
That sounds like a lot of the gamers I've met over the years, actually. Only slimmer.

>>910553
Eeexcellent- Rood's the perfect character for both serious and non-serious games.

Also, OP, what classes have been chosen? Any racial restrictions?

>>910578
I would love to hear how that would turn out.

>>910188
wolfgang puck?
>>910138
MUSTAKRAKISH