"We're here to stop you!"

"lol I finished my plan 20 minutes ago."

"No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die."

(wordless sobbing)

About the time the PCs found out the BBEG had been killed and was in hell.

Source OP?

>>1374733
Preacher. Herr Starr of "the Grail", the Preacherverse equivalent of the Priory of Zion.

>>1374712
35 minutes ago damnit

"Money would be wonderful, if it wasn't so useless."

>>1374756

12 minutes ago on the surface of mars.

"Congratulations on defeating the other training team, you have proved your superiority over them. As standard Vault procedure, your bodies will now be liquidated and introduced into the breeding gene pool for future generations."

>>1374775
Every MMORPG economy EVER.

"I know this will be hard for you to understand, what with your willful ignorance of how good and evil work in the real world. She was my wife. I loved her, dearly. She was the only thing in the world that I ever wanted or needed.

Now she's dead, and I will be too; but I'll be damned if her murderers get away scot-free in the process."

"Then God be with you. Because if you fail, nobody else could save you."

>>1374712

/thread

>>1374852
There's abetter version of that.
"Then God help you, because no one else will."

>>1374777
You wouldn't happen to be blue and naked all the time would you sir?

>>1374831

Sounds epic, story?

>>1374712

>>"lol I finished my plan 20 minutes ago.

Regardless of setting or situation, I am USING that in my next game.

"Why can't I make a god damn sandwich without you pricks breathing down my neck?"

"I had a long and elegant plan to kill all of you in a slow and ironic manner. It was going to be exquisite, each of you dying in your own special way, but then I thought to myself: To hell with it, I'm just going to shoot you in the head."

"Why can't I have my revenge? Have you seen what they have done to me? They've brought me back from the dead, tortured me, experimented upon me, and killed me again, and now I am resurrected for no good reason. I just want to end this cycle, even if I die alone and miserable. So yes, you can try to stop me, but good luck. They say dead men fight the fiercest."

"Only three? I was expecting all five of you! That means I made two extra Mark VIII battle robots for nothing! NOTHING!! Do you KNOW how much these things COST?!"

>>1374924

The BBEG's wife was on some extreme life-support due to an injury she had sustained less than a year after the two of them had married. Because of this, the BBEG, an extremely wealthy man in the city, was doing everything in his power to find a way to restore her to her former glory - this ranged from paying independent research firms to research nerve reconstruction surgery (perfectly legal) to kidnapping people from the streets and the hospitals, inflicting them with similar injuries, and having his own team of scientists work on a cure from them. He's caused several deaths already with his search for an answer to his wife's problem.

The PCs, in a shootout with the BBEG's guards, wound up hitting quite a few electrical outlets due to botched To Hit rolls, and in the middle of the combat the wife died due to a failing life support unit.

The PCs discovered it only after the last of the thugs were dead or fleeing. The BBEG noticed the moment the system shut down. Due to all the botched rolls, the auxiliary lines for backup power to the system were also wrecked.

The PCs confronted a BBEG with a red, tear-streaked face and a loaded handgun held up under his chin. After setting off the explosive chain reaction that would lead to the entire building being completely and utterly destroyed, he spat at the adventurers and an hero'd right in front of them.

Well, this certainly is an unpleasant surprise added to an already unpleasant day. Jenny, will you take care of them? I need to go see how damaged the specimen is.

>>1374947

"Listen to me, look at me; 3 STONES, 3 CRATES. ZERO STONES, ZERO CRATES!"

>>1374962

So the PCs died right? They needed to die.

>>1374970
Zorg: I hate warriors, too narrow-minded. I'll tell you what I do like though: a killer, a dyed-in-the-wool killer. Cold blooded, clean, methodical and thorough. Now a real killer, when he picked up the ZF-1, would've immediately asked about the little red button on the bottom of the gun.

>>1374988

So, er, wot da zog duz dis butten do?

>>1374998

KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

>>1374962

Oh fucking epic. God, I love it when you hear about truly amazing roleplaying experiences.

Kudos anon. Fucking kudos.


These are some of the best lines I've ever fucking read. Anon has delivered in spades.

>>1374972

Good news for the BBEG: Because everyone was cursed by the rolling gods in that game, only 1 PC managed to escape, and he managed it by fucking jumping out of the goddamned tower and nearly dying from hitting the pavement.

>>1375025

Shoulda finished him off with some shrapnel.

>>1375036

I said he escaped, I didn't say he didn't die.

A car hit him.

>>1375043
lol

>>1375043

Just as planned.

>>1375043

Best end. Fuck yea.

i laughed so fucking hard

>>1375043

Let me get this straight.

This is a PC that 1) Infiltrated a heavily guarded BBEG stronghold 2) held his own or won a shootout with a group of guards that likely outnumbered his own party and 3) survived a huge fall from a tower only to get run over by a car?

Do your players hate you now?

>>1374831
>>1374962
>>1375025
>>1375043
This is the kind of story that legends are made of.

>>1375043
Brilliant.

"many has come before you, and failed
many will come after you, and will fail
but right now, it's your turn to try to defeat me and fail"
cliché, but sounds awesome when a vampire that's 900+ years old says it

>>1375043

Oh, that's just gay.

The PCs in my Eberron group are all really fond of an NPC I have for them (warforged artificer, real personable). What they don't know is that this warforged used to be a normal human being working in Cyre making warforged. He gradually built himself his new body ("Built to last", he says), so he can survive the glassing over of Rose Quarry, near a research facility.

He worked with warforged so much, he decided thier lives could be better spent doing something other than fighting, so he orchestrates the Day of Mourning itself; he builds a doomsday machine that will consume Cyre. It also happens that the failsafe mechanism on this machine is that it's built on top of the Tarrasque's sleeping ground. When the PCs destroy it, they will have permanently awoken the Tarrasque. If they don't, the Day of Mourning goes of as planned.

It's all real vague, and I'm still not finished planning it all out.

>>1375137
0/10

when i first started out we had a horrible series of gm`s one had the chronically masturbating wookkiee another had the gay rainbow knight of fagalot (not real name but pretty damned close) and the other one i remeber is a gm that had a badguy capture one of our pc`s . and had a giant troll/orc thing from changeling beat him savagely with his gianormous penor and say "TALK OR I`LL WHUMP YE AGAIN!!"

>>1375137
You haven't finished scripting it, haven't finished playing it, and you feel safe posting what amounts to spoilers on the most popular imageboard in the world? And as a tripfag no less?

If I thought I was one of your players, I'd print off this thread and bring it to the next session. For the fucking lols.

>>1375162

I do it all the time. I trust my group. I guess he trusts his?

>>1375191
I do it too, but for the more practical reason that, should I somehow actually get the game started and played for more than a single session, any spoilers are going to be rendered null & void by a) PC free will and b) GM's newer, and therefore better, ideas.

>>1375096
>>1375118

Yeah, how's that new group coming along?

>>1375191
That, and no one knows in the group knows about /tg/ at all.

>>1375118

The player suggested I do it. I don't know if that changes things at all.

So. I was playing a mastermind succubus (incubus, because it considered itself male) that had successfully impersonated a member of the party and carried on the masquerade for about two days, all the while discovering the plans of the heroes, their base of operations, their weaknesses, and, ultimately, calling in its demonic minions to capitalize on that. The girl he was impersonating had been relegated to slave duty. Not at all the nice kind of slave duty. When he finally revealed himself as his minions broke in, he said, "Pleasure knowing you."

It was win.

>>1374962

This reminds me: nothing pisses off adventurers more than the guy they're trying to kill offing himself in front of them.

"All this for what? A glorified toilet? I hope it's worth the trouble."

One of my favourties is from my old pal Winston. Yes, the doppelganger-switching-sister-feeding Winston.

This is slightly after the aforementioned events, when they've figured Winston's behind the unpleasant happenings around town as part of some sort of plot, and they they were only hired because he requested the town hire the PCs to investigate because he works better under pressure.

Anyway, he's connived into getting the town's nation and a nearby nation into blaming each other for the horrific events that have spread like a plague through them both, and they've declared war. Their armies are meeting at a traditional field of war. However, the PCs found out through canny investigation that Winston arranged this battle so the vast bloodshed could resurrect a daemon that owes him a favour so he could claim it. They find the time of the battle and arrange to leave so they arrive fifteen minutes before so they can negotiate a ceasefire and calm the two down before they bring out untold suffering on the locality. They complete their preparations and head out the door, only to find Winston standing there.

Smiling lighty, with his full genteel charm, he says:

"I assume you chaps know that Arton (the other nation and site of the battle) doesn't have daylight savings?"

>>1375573

I both loath and love Winston.

Sadly, the best BBEG quote I heard I later discovered came from a vidya. In the DM's defense, it's awesome, and I'd use it too.

"My reasons for returning are not what you would think. I have no aspirations for power or domination as so many do. No. Those are the motivations of the living, and I no longer place myself among them.

If only I could show you the places I have seen, you might understand the things I say. I have been to the desolate lands, wandered by those souls who still see the lands of the living, yet wear the cloak of the dead. Blind to their own ends, they cry, passing through one another like shadows in the dying light of day. I have been to where souls rot in torment, pierced with the jagged shards of life and vision, clinging to memory - regrets of the flesh. I have seen that this prison was of their own making, and that the key was in unknowing, in release...and still, I travelled on.

And finally, I came to the place where souls go to die. Where the weary and worn spirits fall into an endless sea of grey, mirrored glass. And I lowered myself within, and layed there among then, and I almost did not return.

And do you know what I found there? There, among the silent and battered shells of the innumerable? Peace. Enlightenment. Truth. It was then that I realized that this place, this "Life", is an abomination, a horrible distortion of the natural order. This "Life", who mothered Pain, and Fear, and Envy - these twisted children who exist only because we are here to feed them, to nourish them. This "Life", this afterthought - a disturbance, a mere ripple in that great dead sea - not even a cause, but merely an effect, sending these souls upwards, screaming for release from the day they are torn from their waters! The effect of what?!

I do not know, nor do I care."

>>1375611

Continued:

"Have you ever spoken with the dead? Called to them from this side? Called them from their silent rest? Do you know what it is they feel? Pain. Pain, having been torn into this wakefulness, this reminder of the chaos from which they had escaped. Pain, at having to live. There will be no more pain. There will be no more chaos. And so I go to your world to be an end to it, and then I will join the souls of the dead, when it is done.

I see your souls, travellers. It screams, tattered and spent. Do you feel its pull? Do you hear its wailing? It is within my power to calm these waters, and that is what I shall do.""

>>1375589

It gets better.

They fucking SPRINT to the battlefield, getting there after most of the guys there are dead. One side's been almost completely destroyed, the other still has a few survivors. However, as they arrive one more man dies, and apparently, the last one needed. The sky goes dark for a few seconds, blinding everyone, and when light comes back there's a group of five men, liberally soaked in blood and with black tatoos on every bit of exposed skin, who weren't there before. They see the PCs and charge, and the PCs do likewise. Before long they're killing each other, two PCs and one opponent are down, and the players still haven't figured out why I'm having them roll inexplicable dice. Eventually, though, one rolls high and I tell him it was a spot check. I tel lhim he notices, despite the confusion of the battle, that his skin is covered in the same markings as the others. He has his PC tell the others to stop because he knows something like this means I'm screwing with him, and gets the others to do the same.

They talk, and it turns out that they are uncannily similar to the PC group, except they were hired by Arton's mayor. They had similar but not as bad experiences with Winston, and like them, had shown up just in time to see the sky get dark and see the PCs come out of nowhere.

And at that exact point, the NPC group's man down, despite medical assistance, dies.

A massive rumbling cuts through the chatter, and a huge fault splits the earth, vomiting thick black fumes everywhere. A huge, Balrog-like demon climbs otu of the pit and says:

"Morons. Every single time, it's the hero's soul that finishes it, and every single time, you provide. You'd think at least one of you ultrapowerful genius magic types at least would have figured that by now."

Winston shows too, and then the grudge match of all grudge matches starts.

"You fools say I hate them because I don't understand them. You are wrong. I know my enemy very well, and
that is exactly why I hate them."

another
"Genocide!? You call this genocide? Why this isn't genocide... This is pest control...."

>>1375673
Damnit why does that genocide line sound so damn familiar, where's it from?

>>1375573
>>1375667

If I were a hero, I'd immediately switch sides to join Winston and make myself as useful to him in my capacity as possible. Why? Because evil bastards like him can run the world well.

And knowing Winston, that too would have him going JUST AS PLANNED.

>>1374831

ITS MR FREEZE

Irenicus: I will not be caged! I will not be controlled! Know this as you die, ever pathetic, ever fools!

>>1375698
ICE TO MEET YOU

"Finally you arrive! I was hoping to have a climactic duel with you, here in the control room before my glorious weapon. Imagine it! Minions scurrying about in my defense and in final preperation as Number Two's soft, sensual and cold voice counts down until launch. The weapon fueling before us as steam lines are prematurely pulled away; the sound of the silo doors grinding open over the clash of steel and chatter of machine guns. Yes, it would have been GLORIOUS! Have you NO sense of TIMING?!

At about this moment the PCs notice the silo behind the BBG is quite empty... and filled with smoke.

>>1375667
Shit...can I steal this?

>>1375667
Holy fuck shit man.
any more stories of Winston?

>>1375683
"Daleks be warned - You have declared war upon the Cybermen."

"War? This is not war. This is pest control!"

The daleks need to stop being pussies in the new series.

>>1375683

Daleks from Army of Ghosts.

We had a BBEG who halfway through the campaign had his rather powerful demi-legion slaughter the leaders of every allied force he could touch, including parts of his legion that resisted his corruption.

The dead included 2 party members, so we were pretty well pissed when he showed up as a pawn demons, possessed by one of their oldest champions and wielding one of their most ancient weapons. He mockingly engages a team composed of the PCs and some truly monstrous NPCs (including the survivors of his legion) and is cut down by the simply gargantuan resistance.

As he dies and the demon flees his body, he gasps a few instructions, which leads to a letter. It tells us that in our fragmented state we would never have survived a full-scale invasion, and that the vast differences between the factions would prove fatal to any concerted effort. So he gave them something they could all agree on. Something we could all hate enough to put aside all differences. Himself.

By killing him, and in the process, forcing their champion to retreat to lick his wounds, he had bought the world enough time to bring their full forces into play and resist the demonic invasion.

I thought it was a bit cliche, but good.

>>1375683
I'm not sure if it's from some where else but a particular evil villain NPC used it after the heroes finally tracked him down over the course of several games. He originally convinced them to start a revolution in a autocratic empire by assassinating a Emperor as he toured the capital city. They succeed in killing him. However, Marcus the NPC in question, neglected to tell them that the Emperor was actually going to introduce reforms to make the country democratic. After the revolution fails, Marcus has one of his friends act like a puppet Hitler in order to militarize the country and legalize a dictatorship. After this he contacts a assassin to kill his friend. The assassin happens to belong to the ethnic group he wants to kill off. He wins and riding a wave of sympathy claims power and has the assassin exicuted.

>>1375715
No, Mr. Powers...I expect you to die!

*High level male drow rogue uses darkness ability and grabs the male paladin from behind* "You know, it gets so lonely being the main boss in this dungeon at night, that I can't but feel I need some......company."

"I'm sorry, but your princess is in another castle."

... What? I was 14. It was awesome then.

>>1375901
I'm 37 and it's awesome NOW.

>>1375908

Only because it's 3:30 AM. When you wake up in the morning, you'll realize how mood-killing that would be in anything but a humor-campaign. (Though, humor-campaigns are awesome... I didn't actually run one until college.)

PC: Bolero, Stop this mad quest. The dragon's eye does not hold the key you seek and will turn to nothing but ashes in you mouth, you death is here at my blade demon.

Bolero: Even Demons die child, angels fade and gods grow old. What will happen to Bolero when that day come hmm? Bolero Will. not. die.


other: the Pc's where warped to a planet they watched burn due to a misfire of one pc's dimensional hop, they fund their crashed former ship a scarred hulk where scavengers came to feed by night.

After a tense evening they found a few survivors of the previous crew. They managed to get the ship up and running. they pick up a distress call and go to invesigate. In the lee of the binary sun system of this system is a space station., they detect five lfe signs and have a recording playing.

They decide to dock and check it out.

They make their way into the central room past the quiet sirrush of automatic doors. no one is there to meet them.

One who can sense lives detects the staff alive. And regular in the main room Upon entering they see each of these men splayed out by an umbilical, their pulses stead in a state of dream filled slumber. they are all slaved to a machine in the middle. Which begins to change shape pulling bloody claws from the scientists who die helplessly.

It forms a body made of dozens of tiny machines, each one capable of taking local matter and making a perfect copy of itself.

The doors snap shut behind the PC's.

This is section 1011. I have brought you hear to free the harbinger. You do not know but your time is at an end. A Thousand years ago humanity crumbled. Earth is dust. And we have scoured the stars for you.

The last of the dying breed.

Now I will call the others and we will end this.

"I don't want to kill you. I just want to make you bleed a little."

"You break into my House, MY FUCKING HOUSE, and try to bring this shit on me? It's three in the fucking morning, you've already killed several of my good friends, and I have to take my son to school in the morning! Don't you stupid fucking hero types have any fucking common courtesy? What? No, Fuck it, don't even try to explain yourselves, just get out of my goddamn. Remember, you fuckers made this personal."

"I can't let you do this. Once, you were men I could look up to, that I could feel proud to serve alongside. Once, we were brothers on the field of battle. But now, just look at you; corrupted and blinded by your own greed and lust for power.

Look around you; do you realize what you've done? What damage you've caused? What lives you've destroyed? Do you realize the horrible consequences of your cruel actions against king and country?"

PC leader: "We did what we must for the glory of the nation. Step aside, you don't understand."

"No more! There will be no more of this! Today is the day your path of destruction ends! The trail of blood you've left behind will stop at your corpses!

I am the radiant star of the north, and nothing escapes my sight!"

(This was an Exalted campaign that combined wargaming elements, such as personal armies and stuff taking place on the battle field. The foe in question was the leader of the enemy's force, Shen Buka, 'The Radiant Star of the North.' It was a very ROTK-flavored campaign.)

"Please cry. It's no fun if you don't cry."

Said by a nameless God of Death to my Sanctified of Kord/Fighter. In that setting, when a God is forgotten, he is transported to a particular plane where Gods go to fade away. After a long battle, these were his final words (more or less) before his destruction.

"I came for the high and the low. The weak and the strong. The sick and the healthy. The rich and the poor. I came to spirits, men, and all creatures in between. I ushered eras to a close, and saw fate to it's end. I took Gods to their destiny, and I brought the land to it's ruin. And finally---finally I had to shepherd myself here, to this forsaken place.

Even Death dies, boy. Do not think you are so invincible."

"There are six billions people on this goddamn rock and I get to kill every last one of them."

"I promised I wouldn't kill her. you just never specified whether or not I couldn't make her kill herself."

BBEG: "So, you have come to my home, my fortress, my sanctum. And now you are its very heart, where my might is strongest. You are ready to die, then?"
Paladin: "Hah! Your words are in vain. I do not fear you."
BBEG: *smirks softly* "I do not need you to fear me. Whimpering will sufice."

"I you do not shut up this second, I will shove my entire arm to the elbow up your ass, grab hold of your intestines, and RIP them out."

"Roses are red. Violets are blue. I drugged your drinks. Don't bother screaming."

"I have seen enough.

I see your selfish motives, shrouded beneath your veneer of heroism. Your lust for power and dominance is not hidden from me. I see the reckless abandon and the utter disregard by which you plough your way through this world. I see the gods themselves condemning innocents, I see the ramifications of your deranged dreams and aspirations.

And I have seen enough. What truly scares me, however, is that you cannot. That you are so BLIND to the repercussions of your actions that you would justify ANY of what you do with the silver tongues of practiced tricksters. But you are so muzzled, so deluded that the only individuals you can fool are yourselves.

I can no longer stay silent. One day you will be crushed under the weight of your sins and one day you will slip on your mountain of lies, but that day lies too distant, too late to stop the repercussions of the events you have set in motion."

"Son of a submariner!"

"Run, run, or you'll be well done!"

"This is sickening... you sound like chapters from a self-help booklet!"

"Don't you get it? Life's a joke!...So why aren't you laughing?"

I'm too tired to post a speech about an enraged Binder.

"Yes I was the one that killed your wife. I was the one that sold your daughter into slavery. I was the one that had your son killed. I was the one that was responsible for every single horrible moment in your life. I am also the one responsible for putting the poison in the drink you just had."

Most of the stuff I see in this thread are these weak "Let's make the players feel bad by giving them a speech about how evil THEY are. Oh, and society is bad yadayadayada" quotes. I know the "self-justified" villain gig is fun once in a while, but damn.

>>1376128

You haven't read the thread then.

"Must resist the urge to monologue!"

"I cannot believe you just pissed on my new suit. What are you, five?"

>>1376128

There aren't that many in this thread actually, but that shit is getting old.

>>1376102
I would have tried to make that rhyme but yours works nicely.

Not a speech, but on a letter.

"Well done, Bounty Hunter. You have harried me for weeks and done considerable damage to my plans. For that, I must congratulate you. However, for coating this letter in contact poison, YOU must congratulate ME. Now go to your gods."

"This fortress cost me $500,000,000 USD and you just blew it up, along with the receipt no less!! THANKS A LOT ASSHOLES!!!"

>>1376037
>(This was an Exalted campaign that combined wargaming elements, such as personal armies and stuff taking place on the battle field. The foe in question was the leader of the enemy's force, Shen Buka, 'The Radiant Star of the North.' It was a very ROTK-flavored campaign.)

My interest is piqued.

"You want your queen back? Sure, I'm done with her anyway. Oh, and by the way...Enjoy your future ruler." said the orc BBEG, after the PCs arrived too late in the royal bedroom.

PC: This is enough! You'll destroy the whole world! You'll tear it apart you psycho!

BBEG: No no no, I'm not tearing apart the world. I'm shattering it down to nothingness; and then I'm moving on to all other planes, and dimensions and planets; until the Gods themselves will die at my hand. Then, and only then, will I cease my slaughter.

>>1376161
interracial rape is always awesome.

>>1376128
Well in the one I quoted (1376104) I should have added an exposition.

The guy was an oracle with a small personal militia, who thought he could see into the future. Problem was, he could. Only he saw a VERY limited set of outcomes, but which he misinterpreted as absolute fate.

A couple petty crimes (like knocking out a town guard) and raiding a merchant caravan for desperately-needed food supplies for a town were interpreted by him to eventually lead to what amounted to armaggeddon. So the overall rather good party was justifiably surprised when he came out all SRS BIZNESS and ranting on their supposed sins.

The lines were pretty good at the moment though.

And his followers were surprisingly well trained.

>>1376161

Fuck yeah, orc rape is the best form of rape

"So heroes, you want to fight? Well unfortunately my wife was in the middle of giving me the most amazing blow job I've had in quite a while. So if you could all wait for about five to ten minutes, I'd be happy take you up on your offer!"

>>1376161

I hope the PCs knew what to do.

Pic related.

>>1376163
BBEGs obsessed with world destruction must've had an abusive mother.

"Do you think any of this was an accident? Do you think that I haven't planned for every goddamn contingency? You are all dead. You're just too dumb to realise it."

>>1376186

Father, actually. The BBEG was cursed with hideous looks and the hatred of his people. So, he decided to destroy everything the Gods had made, seeing as how they took everything from him before he was born. The whole father thing was just from him being disgusted with his kids looks.

"Look I'm a busy man and I'm certain you all have better things to be doing so I'm just going to move along to the part where I tell you that the room is filling with knockout gas and a lot of my men are on the way"

>>1376207
I loled fiercely

Fuck people seem to love making their PCs sit through a lot of dialogue. Haven't any of your PCs ever gone "QUICK! DURING THE SPEECH! GET THEM"

Or would it leave you a crying pile?

>>1376237

I'm the poster of >>1376037. The reason that's a long speech is because the PCs were fond of making and listening to those speeches. Really added to the feel of the game.

>>1376237

The only time me BBEGs monologue is when the PCs are either helpless, or are Paladins.

"I swear to God, I have such an ingenius idea for slaughtering you I should film it and sell it for reality television."

PCs (confronting the BBEG outside his bastion): It's over. Time to pay for your crimes.

BBEG: *ticks mark on a notepad he's holding*

PC: What was that?

BBEG: Oh, it's the twelfth time I've heard that phrase. You see, I've repeated this scenario a thousand different times with five thousand different faces. Your lot is terribly unimaginative when it comes to conversation. Your cliches always run along the same vein. *walks inside doorway but doesn't close the reinforced blast doors*

What's also always the same is the outcome of the impending missile strike. *closes doors*

"Heads, I win. Tails, you lose."

The BBEG was a gambling addict, and the PCs had to choose between rescuing the captive or killing him. They chose to save the captive, allowing his escape.

The characters were pissed off, but my players liked it.

"Hey! Shut up! I'm wearing the cape, I own the castle, I'm taking over the world, I get to give the big speech!"

Low-charisma BBEG to the overly-verbose paladin.

>>1376260
I think that pretty much sums up the term OWNED.

>>1376264
lol TwoFace.

"Hmm, let's see...there's five of you..."

"What, do you mean that we win simply because there's more of us then you?"

"Oh no, I meant I won't be able to find five altars to desecrate with you blood, so one will have to do"

God I love Lawful Evil villains.

"Hello.

I am Oscar Rossini, noted city philanthropist, a supporter of the party in government, active on a dozen political committees and a substantial donor of financial gifts.

I have no criminal record, several awards, three of which were given to me by presidents, and a medal.

I am also, finally, a television star. I'd like it if you could arrest me now.

Because it will ensure that in a week's time you will be in a most unpleasant prison with the mutant erection of a career dog rapist deep in your colon."

"This is giving me an erection."

>>1376283
Wait...what?

>>1376283
>>1376287
Both of these would give me second thoughts about attacking them.

>>1376283
That is a good one, but it would tend to make me want to shoot him right there and not bother to take him to prison.

>>1376283
In that kinda situation, you pull the trigger and worry about the consequences later, just to shut the smug bastard up

>>1376283
HE'S RESISTING ARREST, LOOK OUT!! *bang*

STOP RIGHT THERE, CRIMINAL SCUM!

>>1376283

Fuck yeah, Transmetropolitan.

Why am I doing this?

I was a soldier once, long before this. I fought in many battles, valiantly defending our Empire from the "threats" that our commanders aimed our blades at. I took pride in my duty, I was a part in the glorious machinations of peace, doing my part in the great, well-oiled clockwork of preventative Warfare.

Then I found her. A girl, wounded soon to die, crying at the bodies of her parents, her family, her everything. Only seconds before I entered the building another of my comrades in arms had performed his duty, killing these insurrectionists before they could gather enough men and resources to create yet another front for our glorious Empire to defend.

And she was the result. A child, merely five, six years of age, alone in an uncaring world that had taken from her everything that mattered in life.

It dawned upon me then, standing in the doorway, the horrors of what we were doing.

I fled then, back to the Capital to try, in my foolishness, to end this war at its source. I entered the great halls of Debate, where every citizen has a right to bring his voice before the Empire. I spoke of the girl, told those who would listen that what we were doing was not preventive, we were planting the very seeds of rebellion and hatred we so fought to unroot. I proposed to let these smaller nations into the Council, to aide them in the rebuilding of their lives, to ensure that there would no longer be children crying alone, abandoned, lost in Darkness.

I was the laughing stock of the entire chamber. "You are a naivé fool" they told me. "These people deserve nothing better, that girl will have learned to respect and rightly fear our rule, as her parents should have done."

I was dumbfounded, was this the Empire I had fought to defend? Was this the compassionate and moralistic leaders in whose name I destroyed the unfaithful?

I took my leave to the streets, deciding instead to make my voice heard amongst the people; it had certainly worked before, or so history tells us. I preached my cause on the street, in day and night, through sunshine and rain, pleading for my fellow men to aide me in this matter, that our numbers would surely convince our isolated and uncaring leaders that this war could no longer continue. I had amassed some money during my time in the army, and all of it was used merely to keep me alive. My clothes grew more tattered, my skin became unkept and unclean, my teeth rotted as I lived the cheapest way a man can live.

It was all worth it, if only for a second, when someone lifted his head to hear what I had to say. When the small glint of recognition appeared in their eyes, when my words had touched their souls... But never did anyone stand at my side, proclaimed their own hatred for this injustice and evil done. Never once did anyone wish to silence the lonely, crying child.

When I reached the age of 36, I set out on a pilgrimage. I had come to the conclusion that no one in the Imperial Capitol would ever dare to follow me in this matter. They were either too jaded, or too afraid of our despodic rulers to do anything that would anger them.

I had, of course, no intentions of starting a war, but as I travelled the roads, speaking to whoever would listen, I found to my surprise that no few men and women were convinced and willing to support my ideal. Soon I had amassed, unwillingly and unknowingly, a large band of followers, many of whom themselves began to spread my words. Before I knew what was happenening, I had at my disposal an army of insurgeants.

I was lost at that time, convinced that only the masses could persuade our corrupt leaders that no child should ever need to cry alone in darkness again. That no child should ever be bereft of those that has taken her to this mortal world. I was finally convinced that only through arms would they come to understand my argument.

And so it was, I found myself shedding yet another skin, becoming now the Leader-General of a great Revolutionary army. I led my people like a spearhead towards the Capital, stopping only to acquire more soldiers in the most numerous army since the days of old. I knew of course that we could not win, we lacked the training, the equipment and the resources for a siege of any kind. Yet the vision of that little girl haunted my thoughts, wake and dreaming, and so I convinced myself that even if we could not win, surely the willingness of these people to die for my cause would convince these old men that my cause was just!

Alas, it would not be so. When we arrived at the capital, the entire army of the Empire, uncountable, unsurmountable, stood before us. They had warmachines, huge machinations to send rocks and burning fire in huge arcs towards our forces of peasants; Wargolems, thundering creations billowing thick, dark smog from their funnel, eyes glowing with the red of Industry, of smelting.

We fought, at that day we fought for everything we had witnessed, against every injustice performed on a people whose only crime was that they were suspected of harboring ill will to the Empire.

And we lost. We were crushed; whoever gave up was executed at the spot, no trial, no mercy. I fled, barely managing my way into the woods, stumbling back the way I had gone as a preacher, now a humbled beggar with only the will to live keeping myself sane. I went East, always east, further and further away from the root of my self-loathing and terror. Further into the thick and unknown forests of old.

Until I found it. In an inconspicious cave under a great oak tree I found it. A tome, softly glowing in the many colours of magic. I knew enough to recognize that, but the tome itself was something I had never seen.

It was chained to a pedestal made of what looked like the same oak as the tree above, the chains themselves silvery metallic, not a spot of rust on them. Who had hidden this book I do not know, who had made it I do not know.

But what powers it contained, I know. For when I approached, the chains unravelled and, as if seeing a long lost friend, the book opened itself, the dry parchment inside crackling lightly as page upon page of ancient magic leapt out and enveloped me, sending my mind into darkness.

And when I recovered, I knew what to do. No longer should the poor suffer under the oppressive, no longer should injustice rule over those who demanded only a fair trial, no longer should a child cry into the darkness with no one to care for her.

It is only through death that this can be accomplished, it is only through the utter destruction of all life that we can be free of the torture of injustice. You are the first, but with your souls I will grow stronger, and soon there shall be no more suffering in this world, no more pain or loneliness. The peace of Death shall be the ruler!

>>1376322
>>1376323
>>1376329
>>1376327
>>1376332
>>1376335

Hell. Yes.

Chaotic Good. Fuck yeah.

>>1376348

"Honestly, the looks on your faces means all of this was worth it."

PC and players frustrating BBEG's are always the best ones for memorable quotes like this. The party's main opponent was an young, arrogant and horribly corrupted noble with considerable political and magical power. At the start of the campaign they cant touch him because of politics, in the middle they cant touch him because his way too damn powerful. Finally in the end of the story arc, when the big confrontation happens and the BBEG's driven in to a corner in every possible way he non-chalantly says "Do you really think I would grant you the pleasure, after all this?" and promptly kills himself.

Leaving the party sort out the mess when people think they killed the noble.

In one of my first games with actual roleplaying, the party were facing down the Necromancer who had killed one of the player's friends. Said player has never roleplayed before this.

Player: You! You're the one, that , um, killed my friend!
Necro: That uncouth meatbag was your friend? Odd how he cursed you as he died.
Player: Still, you killed him! That, that's, ... bad!
Necro: You seem a bit flustered. You're quite new to this whole 'hero' thing aren't you?
Player: Well... yeah, I guess.
Necro: *walks up to character and puts his hand on his shoulder* Well I've face many heros in my day, so I think I'll help you out. First piece of advice; Never think that your enemies will fight fair. *touch spell rape*

>>1376385

I don't know if I should laugh or feel sorry for the guy! Nice way for the GM to pop his cherry though

>>1376385

Tell your friend that at least one Anon thought he made for a great snippet of dialogue.

>>1376406
It actually get's better from there because those touch spells probably aren't what you thought they were. Theyw ere all major buffs, preceded by dominate person. The player, who has always been a fan of mind control scenarios and whatnot, bareley misses his save and slams out some awesome rping as he slams the party. Time rolls around for another save, bam, he makes it. He was on a roll at this point, and calmly turns to the Necro.
Player: Thanks for the advice. I'll have to keep it in mind. *maximum power attack that cleaves the necro in half*
Necro: *looks down at the gap between his halves as it heals up. looks back to the player*
What? Did you expect that to WORK? Second piece of advice kid. *minions rise from the ground* It aint ever that easy.
*epic battle ensues*

>>1376431
Sounds fucking epic.

>>1375667

Sup Arcanum.

>>1376431
"You didn't really think it was going to be that easy, did you?"

>>1376431

I want you to be my GM

>>1376457

You know, for a second there...

Yeah. I kinda did.

>>1376431

Wow. If only my group was this cool... At most, I only have a psionic-loving ex-security guy who loves to fuck with the system (he currently plays a Druid/Psion Gestalt with Awakened animal buddies).

Oh, and his buddy the ninja lover (L6 PC, 4 L3 NPC squaddies, all ninja/xxx gestalts)...

I'm really pleased with how this thread turned out.

I'm going to put my evil inside you.

uttered by Santa Clause

"bring IT ON BIG BOY!!!"

"Hello, friend. How are things, pal? Buddy? Amigo? com padre?"

God he was annoying.

More fun with Winston.

For reference, the last scenario ended with Winston using insane rolls to dodge every attack, and clinically hit back with precisely enough force to dazzle but not actually harm. They kill the demons, and it turns out that Winston arranged a soultrap to take the daemon and harness it as an energy source.

But this is a later campaign in the same world, with the saem heroes, who by now are rather famous. They're hired to find the cause of a spate of disappearances and attacks, believed to be of a necromantic origin. After two full sessions of cleverness and tracking clues, eventually they come across a big one; the membership list and address of a huge necromantic group pieced together from a pile of shredded paper. They follow it to another city, get there at night, and find the building.

They bust into the building through the service entrance, a large converted office tower, to the total surprise of the few unattentive guards. Dispatching them and sneaking through the offices on the bottom levels, they come to a hospital-like hallway, enormously long, each room marked procedure rooms, and sneak into the first one they find. They watch as several techs in medical garb bring in a carcass wrapped in cloth, and begin casting some sorts of spells at it. They interrupt the procedure, and the techs go for surigcal saws, but the heroes put them down with ease. An alarm is set off, and they burst into the hallway where a huge chunk of the staff is rushing at them, and the rest fleeing with cloth-wrapped corpses. The guys charging at them are barely competent as mages or surgeons and are easy to dispatch, and even the meager security teams with revolvers go down easy, but the sheer number makes it a genuine challenge that nearly takes them down. They burst into the door the corpses were taken to, up the stars, and into the 'storage room'. It's three or four stories high, as big as can fit in the external walls, and filled from bottom to top with corpses, wrapped in cloth, and strapped to a gigantic system of rails running everywhere. There are tens, if not hundreds of thousands of bodies of all agaes, sizes, and appearance, all in reasonably good condition given the temperature and humidity controlled environment. It's a damned creepy room.

The 'necrotechs', as they've been dubbed by the players, are desperate now, and start casting whatever spells they can, assisted by arcane machinery, at the corpses, bringing hundreds to life before almost burning themselves out, and the group now fights through a heaving mass of surprisingly representative zombies. They get to the techs each time, and given the righteous indignation and rage, kill them. They leave the stacks of redeadened bodies go up the stairs again, taking down the guards (now fleeing), and come to the top. They get to the top ,and see a floor full og rather nice offices. Or, at least, they were before someone came in, unlocked the doors, and horrifically butchered each occupant in ways that would take too long to describe here. Down the end of the rooms is a large door, slightly ajar, marked General Manager. They kick it down, but to their surprise the GM, who they naturally assumed to be the evil director, is quite dead. He's been decapitated, and with such force that his head is embedded in the roof. Who is there, though, is Winston.

He has a few minor blood spatters, his walking stick is slightly cracked, and he's just grabbing a tome, pulsing with magical power, from the burst-open safe behind the GM's desk.

"Ah, I was worried I'd miss you. It's ever so gratifying to be working with professionals again, else I'd never have gotten in here so fast. And to think it all could have been avoided had poor Charles here just sold me the book! Ah, well."

He tucks the book under his arm and tips his hat.

"Sorry to rush off so rudely, but Necrogenics Incorporated has a rather fierce emergency backup team, and I shan't like to see my new suit further ruined. Toodle-oo, chaps!"

And with that, he vanishes, just as a team of very angry and dangerous looking indvididuals bursts in the door, demanding the surrender of the 'anti-relife terrorists'. One trial later, it's clear that Winston planted every skerrick of evidence and commited every one of the acts in the other town to lure the PCs here, getting them to attack the perfectly legal but very secretive reanimation clinic. Unfortunately, the court does not take "the old sick bastard tricked us!" as a defense.

On a tangent, if you really want to get some tough choices going with your good/neutral PCs, toss them in jail unfairly with a monster on the loose, and watch the moral dilemma unfold.

>>1376687

Are you sure these campaigns are about you and not Winston?

Winston is fun to use, because he's the ultimate evil plot device. I can explain anything if he has a part in it somewhere, and the amazing reputation he built with the players was good to use.

He's also good for the meta, because he taught my players that problems are often better solved with thinking and planning, and that there are plenty of problem out there that can't be solved by hitting things with other things.

in b4 "For me, it was Tuesday"

>>1374943
idaho?

>>1376725
You da ho!

>>1376725
>>1376738

The best villain I ever played just had a ton of fun quotes. The party had been trapped in a dimensional rift, had been infected by an evil power that was slowly eating away at their sanity, and on top of all that, they had died. So they were just incorporeal spirits looking to regain their bodies.

Anyway, in the process of fixing all of this they had to encounter another version of themselves from an alternative universe. I didn't want to play the straight "evil opposites" game so I decided that they would be evil, but due to making one key decision differently in their otherwise identical lives.

So it was super fun when the ultimate CG goody-two-shoes of the party got a LE manipulative bastard as his opposite. He immediately bluffed his way into their trust and plotted to steal the body of his opposite.

What followed was one of the best roleplaying experiences ever for me as he subtly undercut his counterpart at every given opportunity (mainly by referring to him as "little brother", made an instant romantic attachment with the girl he had been fruitlessly pursuing for months and played up each and every one of his counterpart's mistakes. Considering this player liked to do things like pull the Mysterious Lever before the rogue had finished searching for traps (under the justification that since the lever was there, they would have had to pull it eventually), this was surprisingly easy.

Then finally, the party reach the place where their bodies are stored and the counterpart makes his play, appealing to each member of the party to dump the loser and recruit him instead. Through some... inventive roleplaying I just managed to turn them all against him, causing the counterpart to break down and finally reveal his true, twisted nature:

"The weak... you're just all tools! Tools to be used by the strong and thrown away when useless! And I will NEVER be a tool!"

"There's no need for talk. You know what you've done, and why I'm here."

Earlier in the campaign the PCs had consulted an oracle of dubious quality despite the recommendations of many NPCs. Well they got their future telling and fucked up the great bad plot, taking out the BBEG before he got very far along his plans. Unfortunately, the collateral from their actions (somewhat indirect but they could easily have avoided the fallout AND killed the BBEG, it was just easier to say 'fuck the consequences') resulted to earn them the undying hatred of a resourceful major world philanthropist, as the battle KOed the power on the second-world hospital (read: no backup generator) where his only daughter was undergoing an emergency appendectomy and died on the operating table. He spent 3 years training himself and constructing a paramilitary organization in secret. When he revealed himself with two dozen of his highly trained operatives, the PCs promptly shat bricks.

"Isn't that Arthur Rooke?"

>>1374712
Ripped off from watchmen. 0/10

>>1376781
what

>>1377865
Win.

BBEG finally meets his adversary, being very pissed off after geting shot in the shoulder and dropping his weapon. "I'm not beaten yet and once I'm done I will shove my hand down your pisshole and rip out your kidneys." Its then he reveals the mech arm with a shotgun hidden in it. I used to love DMing Cyberpunk.

"Nobody makes me bleed my own blood...NOBODY!"

You've got to love it when a wonderful opportunity to piss someone off presents itself.

Player 1- Professional, dedicated, honourable swordsman from a long line of swordsmen.
Badguy- Minor criminal with a bounty on his head. Fights with two swords that he swings around randomly like a madman.

And, upon Player 1 being brought into critical condition during their duel-

Badguy: I pity you, mortal! Your valiance is commendable, and yet, futile! For you face the greatest swordsman in all the world! You face me, Corgan Fensworth!
Player 1: You, you... You fight with NOTHING so dignified as swordsmanship!
Badguy: Then why am I winning?!

(Vampire: The Masquerade)

The party and a friendly NPC they know are chained up in a room full of Sabbat (bad guys).

Friendly NPC: You're just scared! You're scared of some dumbass prophecy so you act like you're all-knowing and hide inside your fucking crazy act, but you're--

Sabbat NPC: Shut your mouth David! Shut your fucking mouth!

Friendly NPC: No, I won't. You're killing kindred in the streets because you think--

The Sabbat NPC picks up an automatic shotgun and dumps a full drum into the friendly NPC's chest, screaming the whole time.

Sabbat NPC: SHUT UP! SHUT UP! DON'T YOU EVER FUCKING SHUT UP?!

>>1377865
Your idea.
Consider it stolen.
My PC's are well known for such 'fuck the consequences' actions that would easily lead into this.

.... also I may need to create a villain NPC who is very like Winston.

>>1377865
>>1378431

Who's arthur rooke though?

>>1378439

presumably, the philanthropist. I'd be like Warren buffet showing up at your house with an automatic shotgun

>>1378439
No one IRL. In the semi-modern world we were playing in, he was like... I dunno, a philanthropic Donald Trump (I know, DOES NOT COMPUTE).

Basically a giant humanitarian in his mid/late 40s in the medical/science fields who sold two of his companies and used all the money to buy food for third world countries.

You'd see his face on billboards and shit everywhere.

He goes on vacation with his sole daughter (and this is important because the he's so famous the PCs actually do know he's nearby). His daughter gets sick somewhere in SE asia (I think it was Thailand), and as a show of faith instead of airlifting her back to japan or somewhere in china with full med facilities, they decide to treat her at the hospital he's just built, which is 90% complete. in fact, the only major thing it's missing is the backup power.

I mean, it's an appendectomy (easy procedure) with well-trained staff, what can go wrong? Well the PCs confronted the BBEG near the power routing station, but instead of letting him escape for the moment and catching up to him ten minutes later (he was escaping via a train goddamnit, they had a car) they just HAD to start shooting. Well one of them hit the transformer...

>>1378464
Oh and they were warned that we were in a damn power station. It was marked as being an old station and extremely temperamental, and one of them actually justified it by saying "it's ok, it'll just be a blackout for a couple hours even if we do fuck up. nothing world-ending."

>>1375118
What's the matter, too REAL for you?

>>1378464
>>1378487
I always love it when players say 'fuck the consequences' and the gm responds 'no, the consequences fuck you'.

>>1374705
"COCKSANDWHICH that hurt"

>>1378584
Why is /tg/ always full of the most hilariously inventive expletives?

I demand this thread be archived

>>1378591
Because you're obviously a thirteen year old girl.

>>1378640
It already is.

>>1377834
...Goddamn it you're MY GM D: To be fair I liked him better than the normal character anyway. I was willing to take him just for the lulz. He didn't rob the poor rogue of his moments of glory.

I was watching this at a gaming convention-

A party arrives about 5 seconds to late to prevent the BBEG from consuming the essence of a demigoddess (and his sister!), thereby turning himself into a demigod of corruption.

Unfortunately for the party, they'd sworn an oath to serve on the divine power itself, meaning they all had a new master...

"I see you have lived well for your goddess. Now, die well so your rightful god may prosper."

...and he promptly OM NOM NOMS their epic-level souls. BAD END.

"I wrote you a poem.

Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Fuck it all."

"You get raped by a group of burly men."

"No, PCs, you are the demons."

>>1380528

I fucking lol'd.

>>1380489
If I played guitar,
Then I'd write you a love song.
Thank got I can't play.

>>1380566
>got

>>1380610

He could be German. Gott is God in nazispeak.

>>1376143
Roses are red. Violets are blue. I drugged the drinks, it's true.

"Now, if you'll direct your eyes to the monitors, you'll see pretty much everyone you've ever known and loved bound and gagged, attached to a nuclear warhead."

Post fight, BBEG gets away:

"By the way, pre-recorded footage is truly....what's that old term? Ah, yes. Da bomb."

>>1380610
God forbid he misspell one word, you knobgobbling cockmongrel

>>1380703

>you knobgobbling cockmongrel

PCs, meet your new NPC companion: Cockmongrel the Knobgobbler.

>>1380742
Still not as cool as Winston.

>>1375611
Arcanum really does have one of the better endings.

>>1377871
And not even properly

"what your listening to is a recording. Thats correct. You fought through wave upon wave of death bots and most assuredly suffered serious injury to listen to my voice. Well. this isn't my voice its the voice of one of my soon to be dead prisoners. He's been drugged so he can't help but read everything in front of him but, you don't have time to worry about that. 30 seconds after this recording ends the castle and the surrounding area will explode. I hope you get away so that we may play again although I doubt that any of you will survive this day. But I must say congratulations on getting this far. You four are the first to get me to destroy a stronghold. And I did so like that one. It was the place I held my first orgy.

but I must be going the world won't conquer itself now will it. Ciao heroes. Enjoy your *chuckle* victory *Gun shot and and a thud*"

Set up: Players just killed Miska the Spiderwolf and the Queen of Chaos. Their boss, a CE 1/2Drow Artificer, just killed one of the party members for refusing to relinquish the Rod of Seven Parts. (he was going to drain it for exp crafting)

"Yeah, so I've got just about every thing that I want. Thanks guys. You've been great sports. Oh and if you ever, and I do mean EVER need a letter of recommendation, don't hesitate to ask. You guys have been great sports. Toodles"

He then left them stranded in Pandemonium, with no way to get out.

>>1375673
>>1375683
>>1375722
This is making me want to set up a campaign where the players eventually mass an army of villagers against a small evil party, lead by an LE Samurai...
"You have greater numbers, I shall grant you that, but what numbers they are! I see weapons made from tied-together farming implements! I see your captains, men who learned their craft from herding! I see armor most charitably described as weak and more accurately described as made of wool!
"You have made a mockery of the art of war! We came here prepared to face you honorably, for the fate of this village, but you press helpless peasants into battle as though fate would grant you victory! Ha!
"Weapons... Tactics... I revoke my compliment! You ask if we would face you with four, I tell you we will KILL you with one! YOUR ARMY IS SUPERIOR IN ONLY ONE RESPECT: YOU ARE BETTER AT DYING."
And then attack.

>>1381546
Did we lift an insult from the Daleks now?

>>1381551
Who better?

>>1381561 Who better?
>> Who?

I see what you did there.

>>1381546
Fuck yes, Daleks

>>1381546

You are few. We are many.

>>1381546

And then faggot samura is fucking destroyed by the villagers, because the little people always win when they are focused on something together.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYARnv2FFso

>>1375611
>>1375612
You know, Kerghan, you really are insane...

this thread made me like role-playing again, thank you to all who posted stories

Because I am a massive faggot, I am calling a vote:

Which of the quotes listed in this thread are the best?

Anonymous, to the voting booths!

>>1381685
No

Man the OP drew me in thinking this was about Preacher for some reason. I like a line from the Saint of Killers in the same issue that this came from:
"Gimme all the hell you got."
And best line after taking a nuke to the chest:
"Not enough gun."

>>1381707
The saint of killers = TF2 Engineer

This thread only grows more epic.

Kali the CE goddess of creation,destrucion and chaos patron of assassins, to a party including paladins after they've wiped out an assassins stronghold...

"Thankyou, especially you my little paladins."

Party: "We just wiped out most of your followers!"
The paladins: "We're not your followers!"

Kali: "Of course you are. They were too organized to create any effective chaos. Now, your opposition has strengthend the surviving faithful, and pruned out the weak and inept... so.. once again, Thankyou. Here are some tokens of my gratitude."

She left them some lovely parting gifts, and the paladins damn near drove themselves insane debating wether they were now Kali's minions and had lost their paladinhood forever... Only those that belived they had did, but it was great fun messing with their minds

"No one will remember your names."

Then he erased us from the memory of everyone we'd ever met. The dick.

>>1374756
Damn it /co/, no one thinks that's epic.

>>1382603
who the fuck is /co/

have you been seeing other boards?

>>1381685

Anything by WINston.

>>1382580
If you think being forgotten is bad then, you should watch a certain part of One Piece. "When does a man die?"

>>1382635
What episode/movie is that? It sounds so familiar.

This is the single greatest villain quote ever.

in before
>This is the single greatest villain quote ever.
>the greatest villain ever.

"I never really wanted much, maybe a quiet life with a wife that loved me, maybe a couple kids, something absurd like that. But thats asking too much isn't it? I hate you all, you seem to find happiness every with your mundane tasks and everyday lives. I wanted that at one time more then anything... But now. I know that's impossible, I know that is the most selfish thing in the world to expect someone to look upon my face with any emotions other then absolute horror and hate. I honestly don't even want to be happy anymore, I want everyone to be as miserable as I am." *casts Empowered Fireball"

Oh and he did kill the party.

Moar Winston

>>1375137
RAILAN GAEMS

>>1376264
Not gambling. Gambling implies that the gambler has something to lose.

The group has fought trough countless hordes of orcs, goblins, slay two dragons.. countless trolls a few minotaurs and razed the BBEGs fortress and now faces him a sorceress.

BBEG: 'm impressed...
Player: YOu know so am I...

BBEG: YOu... How could anyone like you pass my defenses?!

Player2:We try not to mind him. He's just so pessimistic, he was praying to god all the way here

BBEG tosses spell that actually manages to push the second hero down the stairs (Giant throne stairs) and almost brakes his neck

BBEG:Really? I'd consider a first class realist. Not that God would have any power to interfere...

On recruiting of the Army:
I like to kill things! Rape Corpses! Eat Hearts!

>>1375043
>>1375096

That would have been a great story of obsession and inadvertant tragedy - if the shithead GM had let the players survive. As it is, the massacre of the party completely overshadows the poingancy of the comatose chick's death and her crazy husband's suicide. Way to go, schlongazer.

"Now you can't have any of my pie."

"I hope your ancestors grieve at the knowledge of the Stupidity they have sired. You will die this day, and not even in death will you escape the fate that you will face, as an eternity of pain beyond your comprehension awaits you. Your soul will be forever engulfed in suffering, and it will know no repense. All you will find this day is death, and forever on.... only pain. Feel Accomplished Paladin, you made this day rememberable. For myself at least. And I will make sure that there will be no one left to remember you, your name, or what you did here. That Village will burn, and all within it will die. You are nothing but a stain on my blade.

Nothing..."

>>1384982
Player and adjacent target die.

Not exactly a quote, but probably my most badass moment as a GM We're playing deadlands, and the players (in their zeppelin!) chance upon a rather nasty spot of bad weather. Like the clouds just oepned up and God hisself wanted to show just how angry he was. So they set themselves down real nice like, and find some shelter in a mansion that just happens to be layin' around. A party's in progress, real small ilke, only eight men. A reunion, as it happens. They hear a real heartbreakin' story, about a legion of men all but dead. A magic contract, where there used to be a hundred names. Now there are only eight names, one gone for each man dead. Last name on the contract collects the prize, a heap of booty the legion found one dark night. Hours pass, and every so often, one more name is gone. Turns out the owner of this here mansion is a right bastard, who has no qualms about beatin' up on his friends. He says he's doin' it all in the name of one Robert Johnson, who used to be the first name written in blood, 'fore he went and got his damn fool head blowed off. Time passes, and a ruthless son of a gun, bounty hunter by the name of Derek Small (one of the PCs) finishes off every last one, to get his hands on the map to the loot. They get the map, and they have an empty contract, which means the loot ain't cursed no more. they saddle up their air horse, and head north for the X on the map. They get there and find a dozen dead men, and nothin' to be found. And one new name on the contract. One Robert Johnson.

This lead directly to my favorite campaign arc of all time, "THE SEARCH FOR THE ZOMBIE GOLD!"

>>1385004
I love you

"People wonder why entities like myself take such interest in random, pathetically weak adventurers like you lot used to be. And you know what? So do I. But the cycle continues. A group catches my attention, I nurse them to strength, hurl them at random things I wish to see burn, and draw them to me to be assimilated. Soon enough I shall have enough strength to break free of this prison and absorb all life on this world, and I suppose the gods will seal me once more, and bury me deep in another world, where my presence will foster more intelligent life, more souls for me to reap, more souls to bleat to their weakened, petty gods, and the cycles will continue. Why do I, then, focus on some groups in particular to surge forth in evolution, to be stronger faster?

Well, I suppose you have to start somewhere."

Spoken by a semidivine amalgamation of mental and divine energy fused together, trapped within a pulsing crystal at the core of the world to the PCs who confronted it.

>>1385012
dude man, get a room...

out of curiosity, why?

>>1385074
Dark Gaia?

>>1385092
The quote is from a copy pasta about a guy playing a paladin. The DM wanted to end the campaign because the other players had gotten themselves killed, but the player with the paladin insisted on taking on the orc warlord himself, sniping as many orcs from the forest as possible before finding himself up against the big bad orc. The orc delivers that quote, with the paladin on his last leg, still reeling from a massive hit, and then the paladin's player rolls a one. The DM was using alternate critical hit/failure results, consulted his table, and solemnly announced "Player and adjacent target die."

Whether it's a real story or not is dubious, but it's epic, and it's the kind of moment that high fantasy/adventure role players live for.

>>1385100

No, what is that?

>>1385127
The Illusion of Gaia and its sequel, Terranigma, both culminate with a battle against Dark Gaia, which in Terranigma takes the form of a crystal beast. Dark Gaia isn't really evil, but as the antithesis of Gaia, it desires to destroy life. The whole plot of Terranigma is that Dark Gaia manipulates the hero to revive the dead husk of Earth, return life to it, and then advance it to its pinnacle (humanity) so that it may once again begin to reap souls from its lair deep within the metaphysical center of the Earth.

>>1385150

Goddamn japanese stealing my ideas before I get them!

But this isnt crystal-beast. This is just a giant-ass crystal seething with energy that fucks your mind by just being next to you.

>>1385115
Well I'm hungry. FEED ME!... please?

>>1385150
In The Illusion of Gaia, Dark Gaia manipulates the path of the Chaos Comet so that it swings by Earth every eight hundred years in order to bathe the planet in its light that transforms and destroys living things and the Earth itself, again in its constant desire to cut down life.

For a moment there I almost read 'crystal breast'.

>>1385158
Well, it was just similar enough that I felt it was funny, and PERHAPS an homage to the excellent storytelling and epic plots of those two games.

I'd love to run a game that ends with the heroes fighting the Chaos Comet. Shit'd be awesome.

>>1385163

Also, the core-crystal (never really had a name) is DEFINATELY evil. It enjoys its perverse role that it plays, regardless of the fact that it was basically a screw-up that occurred after the divine equivalent of a several millennium long bender.

>>1385161
Eh, I don't have the copy pasta, sorry. I generally don't save other peoples' leftovers. Really, I've told you all you need to know about the story (other than the awesome villain quote) without all of the spelling and grammar errors of the original copy pasta.

>>1385161
Don't have a copy pasta. But they put the orginal post on wikichan.

Here it is word for word, errors and all. He really needed to use Word or at least proof read.

My Paladin was sitting alone in the tavern, while the party was doing some irreputable thing and didn't want me knowing, when a peasent comes in to warn everyone to hide, scouts saw the Orc army that had been aluded to during ithe entire campaign was just a few hours march. The Rest of the party had no idea and where away(and where actually getting killed by being stupid and being lead into an obvious trap.)My Paladin character, who has been laughed at his entire life for one thing or another, stepped up with an air of determination that would have made the most epic veteren of many wars quiver. He told the guards how to set up the defenses, as he rode off to prevent this town from being destroyed in any means he could.


This orc army had been devastating the lands. Since the beginning of the campaign have we heard about their Epic level Half fiend Orc Fighter specced cleric of Orc God leading the campaign on his No weaknesses Vampire Fang Dragon. His army of ten thousand marched to the town to claim it for their God.


And my level seven paladin rode off to Stop their reign of fear and destruction here.

I met an Orc Scouting party and told them to go tell their boss to surrender, otherwise this will be the last day he sees on this earth. the laughed, so I fought and broke their squad and won the fight against the ten of them by being smart and getting lucky.


In the mean time, the rest of the party had whipped by falling in the most obvious of traps and getting backstabbed. I so wanted to scream at them for being so stupid and warning them, but i wasn't about to meta game.


So the Dm concluded that the campaign was over. But i Stated i wanted to continue, and if i died, i died, i would at least see the rest of the story be told damn it.


So there i was, a the edge of this forest, watching the orc army move past me.


I took out my bow, and fired a shot into the mass, killing something.


Then again.


And again.


Until they realized someone is killing them from the forest.


They sent in a group to find who it was. I hid from all of them, and killed anyones who found me. I continued shooting into the mass, and they sent more into the forest.


I continued this for a few more minutes. Until finally I saw the Vampire fang dragon in the sky flying towards the forest. He used some sort of fire breath attack for some reason. and started burning down the forest.


I took pot shots at the dragon until i pissed it off something fierce.


I ran threw the cover of the forest, and searched for a fallen sturdy log, and a high Y shaped tree bearing. I lifted the log using all of my strength to drag it on to the y Shaped tree bearing. I fired flame arrows into the air to show the dragon where i was.

I mounted up as i saw it approach. and when it was close enough. I did something stupid. compared to everything else, it really was.


I rode my War horse up the Log and jumped into the air as high as it could go and then jumped off, passing the neccesary rolls to do so, and jumped on top of the dragon, grabbed the evil orc clerics boot, and de saddled him and made him fall. In the mean time, the dragon bit me, and did alot of damage and two negative levels. my horse died from its fall. I rolled to hit, and luckily, did max damage on my called shot to its wing, tearing it out. It plummeted to the Pine tree forest below, staking itself into the trees.


In it's death throws it breathed an everlasting curse against me, and screamed to it's master to avenge it, breathed fire everywhere.


And now in the clearing, I grogged in pain and attempted to heal myself while standing and watching threw hazed eyes as the Half-fiend Orc approached me, Giant bone tower shield and Great war axe in hand. I saw orc warriors circling the area.


The Orc warlord said something in orcish and the warriors stopped, circling us.


"I hope your ancestors grieve at the knowledge of the Stupidity they have sired. You will die this day, and not even in death will you escape the fate that you will face, as an eternity of pain beyond your comprehension awaits you. Your soul will be forever engulfed in suffering, and it will know no repense." as he heals himself and buffs himself up. "All you will find this day is death, and forever on.... only pain."

Initiative.


I win.


But I miss. So I draw back.


Move and attack, one attack hits, and brings me down to 15%.


I slam against a tree, and am brought down to 4 hit points, i pass my fort save versus massive damage.


new round, I hold off my turn until he is close enough to attack, as he comes near.


"Feel Accomplished Paladin, you made this day rememberable. For myself at least. And I will make sure that there will be no one left to remember you, your name, or what you did here. That Village will burn, and all within it will die. You are nothing but a stain on my blade. Nothing."


I knew it, this was it, there was no way i was going to live through this. Not even with a crit. I was going to die. But dammit i was going to down swinging.


So he spoke my Epitaph to my own thoughts and memories. detailing everything he knew, and why he had became a paladin, and even though everyone had laughed at him, and ridiculed him, that he would save them, even if they never cared, even if no one cared, or would ever care.


He walked up to deliver the final blow. And I screamed outloud and swung...


All hope resided on this die, i wanted some reamemberable scar to leave him with. Up to this point, this Die i had used, always failed me when it mattered the most. But I kept using it for the day that for all it's bad luck, it will one day churn out luck so unbelievable and count at the right time.


So I rolled to make it spin, making it last forever. and it finally came out..

.
.
.
...
.....

.......

It had rolled a 1.

I groaned and the Dm laughed at me.

He said roll again to see how bad you fail.

I rolled again.

another 1.

I groaned again. the Dm laughed again, and told me to roll again, if i got another 1, i was dead.

I rolled, and thought about how embarrasing it was going to be to die by my own hand.

... 1.

I sat there in complete pissiness and threw my dice in the fucking trash can. as the Dm laughed and consulted his book of critical failures.

He rolled his dice. refrenced the book and froze.

"What, I decapitated myself didn't I?"

He didn't say anything.

"well what is it?"

He just looked up at me in a look of befuddlement and spoke words that i will never, ever, ever, ever forget.

"Player and adjacent target die."

And cue the auto sage.


Hope he catches it. ehh whatever.

B: So. You've come.
M: You thought your paltry defenses would stop me, monster?
B: Monster? I who have kept my honor, who stood by and watched as those under my charge were slaughtered without mercy?
M: You will pay for abducting the princess. Your reign ends here.
(Bowser sweeps the table aside with one crashing swipe of his arm.)
B: And who are you to challenge my sovereignty, human? What has that princess offered you, an outsider, that you might fall to her will as readily as those servile Toads?
M: What has become of her?
B: My subjects brought word of your deeds to me again and again. My most loyal of subjects, the best of Koopas- crushed. Even as you struck down my child did I stay my hand, for I had given my word that she would come to no harm, and I have kept it.
M: Say what you will, fiend. You have brought this fate upon yourself.
B: Enough! The gods have made me as I am to lead the Koopas to glory, not so that I might simper at the will of some fair-haired maiden. It is you who shall meet your fate this day!

God, I hope this gets archived.

Not really a quote - but when we were playing TMNT about 16 years ago I had em on a time travel campaign. The future world they were in was dominated by mutant animals and dinosaurs. The group was working for the dinosaur faction because all the other animals were vampiric, they had great fun with wooden stakes, improvised crosses, etc etc. Until the final adventure when it turned out that the vampiric animals were the actual good guys and the dinosaur race had tricked the pc group into helping them commit mass murder.