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  • File :1207244908.jpg-(45 KB, 500x404, thisisinadequate.jpg)
    45 KB Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)13:48 No.1464058  
    /tg/, I'm a fag. But then again, you already knew that. So to encourage you to encourage me to kill myself, I'll write some FANFICTIONZ

    "Space marines. Suh-Pay-Seh Ma-Reens. Space Marines," Brother Tullus nodded, "Now, you try."

    "No, no, ACE. AAAACE."
    "Good. Now say 'Spay."
    "Now say both of them."
    "Spay. Ace."
    "And all together now."

    Brother Tullus delicately plucked the spectacles from the bridge of his nose while the other massaged his much aching head, "No, no, Emperor damn it..."
    "I have failed..."
    "No, no, no Boreale you-" Tullus leaned back in the chair, as it cried out in protest, trying in vain to think of something-
    He fell back out of his chair in surprise at the sudden exclamation.

    Brother-Captain Indrick Boreale was but one of many held at the Mental Reclamation Convent of Saint Gimpus, and really, Tullus reflected as he righted his chair, one of the better behaved ones.

    For instance, one cell over...

    "METAL BOXES!" Came muffled through the wall, shaking the diplomas bespangling it.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)13:51 No.1464070
         File :1207245102.jpg-(118 KB, 774x962, METAL BOXES.jpg)
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    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)13:51 No.1464072
    not reading, sage anyway
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)13:54 No.1464083
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)13:55 No.1464090
    Sister Equis stared through the grate, staring as the captive Chaos Lord ranted.


    Sister Equis turned, looking daggers at Director Harbrin, who only shrugged sheepishly, "You got the short straw this time."

    With a sigh, she entered, as Director Harbrin moved on, reading down the list, flanked by nervous attendants, before stopping before another iron plated door. "Ah, here we are. Brother Academnis? You have Gorgutz, right through there."
    "What..." Academnis licked his lips, "What afflicts him? I mean, aside from the obvious habitual tendencies of being an ork?"
    "You'll be able to tell as soon as you can get him to talk, now just run along then," murmured Harbrin, leaving the Doctor behind, "We have many, many patients."
    >> Sorcerer of Tzeentch !UNUZCBsleo 04/03/08(Thu)13:58 No.1464106
    I kinda lol'd.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)14:01 No.1464116
    And I don't suppose in the next cell they treat chronic masturbation, and in the next they have speed dating.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)14:01 No.1464117
    Brother Tullus delicately plucked the spectacles from the bridge of his nose while the other massaged his much aching head, "No, no, Emperor damn it..."
    "I have failed..."
    "No, no, no Boreale you-" Tullus leaned back in the chair, as it cried out in protest, trying in vain to think of something-
    He fell back out of his chair in surprise at the sudden exclamation.

    I laughed.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)14:03 No.1464129
    Doctor Academnis entered the cell, to find a good three tonnes and twelve feet of ork sitting precariously on one side of the table. Doctor Academnis sat on the other side of the steel construction, nervously eying the door as it swung shut, and locked behind him.

    "Ah, heh, ah, ahem, er," He pretended to consult his sheet, was always good to consult the sheet, make the patient understand that they were one of many, or something like that, "Ah, W-W-W-Warboss Gorgutz?"

    The great mass inset with two beads of pure red hatred nodded slowly.

    "Aheh, uhm, yes, a-a-a-anyway, you, ah, you voluntarily arrived at our facility, three months ago, complaining of-" The next sheet, the inquest, was blood stained rags of paper, enscribed with obscenity-, "Well, we'll just leave that to the side," murmured the doctor, shaking out the ragged paste of blood and paper on the floor next to him.

    Gorgutz remained silent, staring ahead at the Doctor.

    "Ah. Well, Gorgutz," He said, taking on a lecturing tone, "If you don't tell me the problem, I can't help you, now c-c-can I..." His voice trailed away, as the orken warlord rose, disentegrating the chair and cracking the ceiling, rage and fury marking his face. Then, slowly, Gorgutz stopped, sat on the floor, looked down, and murmured something.

    "I'm sorry, what?"
    "Say again?"
    "OI SEZZZ," Screeched Gorgutz, "MOI VOICE IS FOONY!"
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)14:13 No.1464206
    Academnis blinked, ork spittle and slobber running off of him.

    True, true, there was a change in Gorgutz's voice, since last he had arrived at the facility, hunting the Farseer Taldeer's head as she was going through marriage counseling. And now that Academnis had thought of it, Gorgutz was certainly larger and-

    Gorgutz's sulking and murmuring in the corner was interrupted by a light chuckle from the doctor. Immediately, he stood on his feet (His horns breaking through and interrupting Kharn's aromatherapy course) shouting, "IS NOT FOONY DOKTA! ZOGGIN 'OOMIE, OI'LL GET SUMFING TO LAFF ABOU-"
    "No, no, no, hold on Gorgutz, please! I'm sorry, I just wanted to say I know what the problem is!"
    Gorgutz hesitated in mid pulping, and sat back the slivers of chair, "Ohright, watsit then."
    "Tell me, Gorgutz," Doctor Academnis leaned in, trying his best to look serious in ork drool peppered with squig bits, "You've been growing lately, right?"
    "Yer. Oi'm a Warboss," He puffed out his chest, "Oi'm da biggest!"
    "Mmhmm," Academnis wrote down, 'desire for superiority in social groups,' "And, lately, you've been more aggressive?"
    "Oi've been krumpin' gits ifn thass wot yoo mean, yer."
    "Right, and...Have you been developing new and strange feelings?"
    "Oi now, wots wiff vis foony feeling business then eh?"
    "Let me rephrase, have you found someone on your mind often?"
    Gorgutz furrowed his brow together, attempting to remember...Oh right. The winged 'oomie.
    Slowly, distrustfully, he nodded, "Yer, yer, wot uvvit?"
    Academnis put on a smile, making the last of his notes, and flipped the folder shut, "Well Gorgutz, after hearing your case, I think it's safe to say this is something altogether innocent. It's simply a case of growing up."
    "Puberty Gorgutz," Academnis spread his hands, "Everyone goes through it."
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)14:21 No.1464276
    "Okay, and do you remember where the apple is?"
    "Bitch, I'm Vance motherfucking Stubbs I don't have to remember shit."
    Sister Elgala gave him a level stare. Stubbs leaned back in his chair, his arms crossed.
    "This was the only way out of being executed, Mr. Stubbs, so please, for the sake of us both?"
    "I'm Vance motherfucking Stubbs," He narrowed his eyes, glancing left, then right, "In your pocket?'
    Sister Elgala lifted the box on the table, revealing the apple. Then she put it back down again. After a pause, she took out a marker, and wrote "APPLE" on the box.
    "Now, Mr. Stubbs-"
    "VANCE, motherfucking, STUBBS," Said the general, leaning over the table, pointing a finger in her face.
    "...Yes, yes, Mr. Vance-" He raised his eyebrows and tilted his head, "MOTHERFUCKING," He gave a smug nod and leaned back again, "Stubbs."
    "Where is the apple."
    Stubbs frowned, scratched his chin, before rolling his eyes and shrugging, "Who the fuck cares? It's a fucking apple bitch and I got an important day of fucking hos and slapping...Joes, I can't remember where a God damn apple is!"
    "How about remembering where a hundred baneblades are," murmured Elgala as she stared down.
    "What'd you say?"
    "Nothing. Apple. Where is it."

    Slowly, Stubbs narrowed his eyes, raising his hand, casting it over the table, his finger straight, pointing, pointing, nearing the box-
    "Your boob has a spot on it."
    "Please stop touching my breast and look in the damn box."
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)14:24 No.1464301
    This is getting more epic by the post.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)14:29 No.1464335
    Keep going.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)14:29 No.1464337
         File :1207247363.jpg-(111 KB, 800x600, Monitoring this thread.jpg)
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    This pleases me.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)14:32 No.1464359
    Lollin @ work.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)14:35 No.1464375
    Oh Stubbs, you silly fucker.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)14:36 No.1464385
    I wonder what the Canoness would suffer from?
    Something like Pyromania would be funny.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)14:39 No.1464406
    Gorgutz was happy. He had learned that he would be getting bigger, stronger, and would be getting hair in weird places. Academnis was alright for a 'oomie, giving him some cream to fight acne which apparently would attack him, and he couldn't krump real well because they were small. Staring close at the tube, Gorgutz could imagine the boyz inside ready to start fighting. "In good toime ye gitz, in good toime," he rumbled happily, imagining the fights that would take place on the surface of his skin.

    "Okay," said Academnis, coming back in with an armload of books, "Here's Roboute Guillaman's 'Whats this Fuzz: A Codex to make Boys into Men,' got me through high schola, 'Cartoon History of the Immortal Imperium,' easy to read and'll get you through most classes, er, ah, lessee 'How to Get into the Academy Terra,' eh, a little outdated, they changed from the S.P.E.S.S's to the S.P.E.H.S.S's, the H is for history, you should be able to breeze through that with the cartoon history- and, *Ahem*-" Quietly, Academnis slid a well worn thick magazine with a vid chit attached entitled, 'Convent Sororitas Naughtius Maximus does Cadia,' "-Hrm, hrm, and uh that'll be all," Academnis turned away, unaware as Gorgutz took the books, and with only passing glances through them tossed them over his shoulder, though he stopped at the last one and cocked his head at the weird 'oomie fighting, before chucking that one as well.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)14:39 No.1464409
    Oh my, this reminds me of that STEEL REIHN song from Boreale yesterday. Did anyone manage to save it? It was also epic in proportions.

    OP, keep up the good work. Im lollin' like mad.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)14:39 No.1464410
         File :1207247976.png-(62 KB, 151x260, Penises guy.png)
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    Doctor Psychiatricus held up another card, "Now, vat does zis be remindink you ov?"


    The doctor changed cards, "und zis?"


    "I see," the doctor held up another inkblot, this one little more than a circle, "and zis last kart? Vat do you see?"

    "Genitalia, I guess. For instance, penises."

    Doctor Psychiatricus sighed inwardly, and placed the inkblots in his bag, "You haff not been practicink you exercises, mein freund. Don't you vish to get better?"

    "Well, yeah."

    "Zen you must zink of something besides penises," the doctor paused to light a cigar, "Practice your exercises like I said und I vill be seeink you next veek. Oh ja, und vear some clothes next time."

    "Hey doc,"


    "Your cigar there reminds me of something,"

    "Und vat vould zat be?"

    "A penis."
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)14:41 No.1464422
    here you are
    Steel Rehn
    Some steh dry and others feel the pehn
    Steel Rehn
    Landing drop pods makehs infernahl din

    Steel Rehn
    Our eterhnel fureh strikes the hearts of mehn
    Steel Rehn
    Deep strikeh is our vehry own bent

    Steel Rehn
    No matteh how hard our enemeh’s try
    Steel Rehn
    They all see our reputashen is no lie

    Steel Rehn
    Forecast to be fallen yesterdeh
    Steel Rehn
    Yet it will likeleh also fall todeh

    Steel Rehn
    We fall to earth at enormouehs rates
    Steel Rehn
    The Empra’s foes cannot stop ourh haet

    Steel Rehn
    Our drop pods coveh the light of dehy
    Steel Rehn
    Our enemeh’s flee but there is no weyh

    Steel Rehn
    Fiereh blood rushing throuegh our vehns
    Steel Rehn
    Afteh we finish we prepare to fall back down agaihn

    Steel Rehn
    We are called dowehn by the radio
    Steel Rehn
    The purpose is to gain grouend controhl

    Steel Rehn
    We could not call it aneh otherh nayme
    Steel Rehn
    Everything else soundehd quite insayhn

    Steel Rehn
    We are preparing to fall onceh moreh now
    Steel Rehn
    The Empra will someday rewaredh us, somehow

    Boreale stopped singing once he reached the end of what he had composed, and sat down silently, sitting his head in his hands. On paper, it was brilliant, a hymn that could be sung by billions of the Emperor’s servants across thousands of worlds in countless joyous anthems.
    But what was the point if he couldn’t sing it properly himself?
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)14:41 No.1464426
         File :1207248104.jpg-(122 KB, 614x446, Data LMAO.jpg)
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    >Convent Sororitas Naughtius Maximus does Cadia
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)14:43 No.1464442
    "weird 'oomie fighting"

    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)14:44 No.1464450
    Goddamn. Soulstorm has given us so much win.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)14:44 No.1464451
    I find this thread humerus.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)14:48 No.1464474
    "And, that should be it. A few years and it'll all be over."
    "Thanks dok!" Said Gorgutz happily, "Whaddo I owe ya," he murmured as he took out his bag of 'oomie teeth, picking through them with his colossal fingers.
    "Oh, don't worry about that," Chuckled Academnis, "Just stop by when you're through growing and you can buy me a beer."
    Gorgutz nodded along, before a piece of information stuck in his brain.
    "...THROUGH growin'. Like stop."
    "Err...Yeah. I mean, three, five years at the most, you should stop with about three more feet."
    Gorgutz's teeth slipped through his fingers, as he stared down, the implications striking him about this horrid disease.

    He could never be the biggest now.

    A cry of unmitigated rage and despair emerged from the cell.
    "Wha-wha-wha-what's the mattAAAAAGGHHHH."

    Sister Equis glanced over her shoulder, and then ignored it, staring straight ahead, stone faced, neutral, as Lord Carron ranted in front of her.

    "And that's when you came here."
    A pause.
    "No, actually, Sindri had me over for a drink then I woke up on the door step in a meTAL BOX IT PROVES THAT THEY HAVE IT OUT FOR-"
    "This building is a cube."
    Carron paused, turning to Sister Equis.
    "A cube is a box."
    He stared, in utter horror, as Equis finished with a smile.
    "And this is a steel building."

    Director Harbrin barely managed to get out of his office when he heard another wail from another cell, and a pounding on the door to Lord Carron's. He rolled his eyes, murmuring, "Another one of THESE days," passing by Boreale's room ("Baneblade." "AH'M NOHT BALD" "What?") and the room entitled, "Archon."
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)14:51 No.1464503
    so much win in this thread
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)14:52 No.1464506
         File :1207248734.jpg-(177 KB, 768x788, fucking awesome.jpg)
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    I'm going to run out of pics to describe my feelings for this thread.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)14:53 No.1464516
    The various speech therapies of the denizens dwelling within the Mental Reclamation Convent of Saint Gimpus were interrupted by thunderous footfalls and shouts. The intercom crackled, "Attention, all orderlies to wing 2A, Lord Bale has broken out again."

    Brother Tullus glanced apologetically at the Brother-Captain then rose only to stagger in shock as the door was smashed completely off its hinges. The former Chaos Lord Commander, Bale, stood in the doorway, bloodlight in his eyes.

    Boreale snapped into action. "FOR THE..."
    "I was wondering if any of you have seen a Tzeentchian marine around, going by the name of "Sindri". If you see him, please tell him that I would like an explanation for his actions on Tartarus."
    "Emprah?" Boreale did not know what to make of the morose ex-Chaos Lord. Tullus stared.

    Nodding politely at the stupefied Space Marines, Lord Bale attempted to affix the crumpled door to functionality to no avail. Sighing, the ex-Chaos Lord tossed a few coins on the table between Boreale and Tullus. "I apologize for the trouble. Now, gentlemen..."

    Lord Bale took off at a sprint, the orderlies in hot pursuit.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)14:57 No.1464536
    Fucking lol at the last sentence. Got some funny imagery from that.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)14:57 No.1464539
         File :1207249048.png-(67 KB, 714x714, GASP.png)
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    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)15:00 No.1464548
    Copy&Pasted every section into my special 4chan 40K document.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)15:02 No.1464554
    "So then I stuck cat in her anus. Turned out she was right," Tahril drummed his fingers against the table, as he glanced around, "Say, you do anything like that? I bet not. Y'know. Cause. I'm awesome like that. I mean, I bet the most amusing thing you've done is stuck your penis in a vagina, hah!" Tahril shook his head, "Queer."

    His psychiatrist meanwhile looked over at the door, "Mmhmm, I think we might have to cut this session to a close," the psychiatrist stood, checking the locks to his door, when it burst open.

    "I'M VANCE MOTHERFUCKING," He pointed behind him where Elgala miserably echoed, "motherfucking," "STUBBS, AND I'M TRYING TO FIND A FUCKING APPLE!" He rounded on Tahril's confused psychiatrist, "You think I'm retarded or something, huh? You think JUST because I lost one hundred motherfucking baneblades that I'm stupid, huh? Well I'm going to prove you wrong motherfucker, now you give it up," Vance Stubbs moved forward, his teeth a centimeter from the psychiatrist's eye, "Or...Else." For want of a better finish, Stubbs clacked his teeth in the psychiatrist's eyes.

    Elgala, the whole time, standing behind Stubbs with the open box.
    "Isn't it in the box?" Said Tahril.
    "WHO SAID YOU COULD TALK, DICK NIBBLING CUNT HOLE?!" Shouted Stubbs, rounding on the dark eldar.

    "Oh that reminds me of this one time, at raider cam-" Vance Stubbs fell upon him immediately, before he could start another lame story.

    "It's in a box. It's in a goddamn, little, white, metal box, why can't he see that?" Whispered Elgala, staring at the apple.

    "METAL BOXES!" Shouted Carron, in a moment that everyone, save Elgala, saw coming a mile away.

    She stirred, glancing up at the matronly Doctor Kruger. The sounds of combat dulled by the steel plated walls.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)15:21 No.1464669
    The Necron Lord of Kronus was in a bind. It did not know why it decided to leave the tomb world behind and it did not know why it decided to come here, of all places in the galaxy. The lord turned its unblinking gaze to the smiling face of the human. It shook is head, nothing made much sense anymore. Why only several weeks earlier it would have ended the human's life for simply living...but that was then. Something had happened during the destruction of its catacomb headquarters and the long crawl out.

    "Hi there! My name is Livia and I've been recently assigned to St. Gimpus's from the Segmentum Medicae! I'm excited to be working with you and hopefully we can overcome whatever is ailing you! You see, I have been dreaming about this moment all my life and when the superior informed me..."

    The human was utterly unintimidated by the Necron Lord of Kronus's silence continued to ramble on enthusiastically about her brief-brief-brief life and her aspirations.

    "So, with that done. How about you introduce yourself?"
    "Let us start with your name!"
    "How about your homeworld?"
    "Any siblings?"
    "Friends or comrades?"
    "Favorite food?"
    "Hopes and dreams?"

    Livia had been growing more and more concerned as her questions elicted no response from the skeletal figure seated before her and her mind spun with reasons it did not answer. She started. Perhaps...?

    "You lost your beloved...?"

    The Necron Lord of Kronus cocked its head as dim memories were recalled. Curious. Perhaps coming to this place would prove beneficial after all. It leaned slightly forward, its electric green gaze never wavering.

    Delighted at a response. Livia proceeded to babble about her experiences with love, some real some imaginary while the Necron Lord of Kronus silently listened.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)15:22 No.1464675
    "Alright, thank you for coming in, and using our services Macha, we promise only the best and tha-" There was a long, agonized scream, and then a *THUMP* against the wall, which made both of them flinch, "THAT we will help you through your troubles with all due-" *Squelch* "...Speed. So with that in mind-"
    "Is...Is that REAL blood?" Macha whispered, staring at the red juices seeping under the door.
    "Hah, no of course not," Murmured Doctor Kruger, rising from her chair and snatching a mop, "This is a stress relieving exercise, with all the varied personalities we have here, you must understand that this is a necessity-" After wiping vigorously, and jamming the crack of the door with towels, Doctor Kruger returned to her seat. "Now, you have trouble with intimacy then?"
    "Yeah. People have trouble getting intimate with me," Murmured Macha.
    "Well, I don't know about that... Let's go through some slides. Tell me your thoughts."
    The slide machine whirred to life with a minor prayer, and on the far wall was the image of a heroic Warp Spider outside of his armor, posing on a Falcon grav tank.
    A ranger, his helmet off, staring down the scope.
    A dire avenger, staring over a battlefield.
    A familiar looking warlock, undressed down to his skivvies, holding forth some Valentine's candy. Doctor Kruger frowned, looking down at the machine, "How did that get there..."
    "I'm confused," Macha said, furrowing her brow.
    An eldar Autarch, spreading his arms, in a clear profession of love to the viewer.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)15:24 No.1464693
         File :1207250694.jpg-(14 KB, 199x299, Mummy lol.jpg)
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    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)15:26 No.1464702
         File :1207250779.jpg-(69 KB, 345x719, awesomebodies.jpg)
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    This thread is more awesome than this Brazillian cop.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)15:27 No.1464715
         File :1207250855.jpg-(227 KB, 742x554, Awesome Manly Man.jpg)
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    And this german soldier.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)15:30 No.1464730
    A human guardsman, helmet off, bloodspattered, smoking a cigarette standing over a guardian corpse.
    A scarred vindicare assassin, reaching out to someone off camera.
    "Wan- Hey, is that from sis's honeymoon pictures?"
    "Knowing that he is married to your sister, does that affect anything?"
    "No," A pause, "Makes him kind of hotter."
    A zoat.
    An eight foot tall abomination of mouths, dripping orifices, covered in blades and surrounded by a steaming pool of acid.
    "...Maybe for a dinner date. A NICE dinner date," After the incredulous look from Doctor Kruger, "Hey! He might clean up."
    A necron warrior, souless, expressionless.
    "He's kind of cute," She cocked her head.
    Eldrad, winking and pointing both fingers at the camera.
    "That was from earlier today when I was treating the Emperor of Man, sorry about that."
    "How'd he take it?"
    "Driven into a sleep from which it is doubtful he'll ever awaken."
    "Sounds like my dad..." She murmured.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)15:37 No.1464767
    The Convent of Saint Gimpus needs more Primarchs.

    Also, Ciaphas Cain, but what mental illness would he be suffering from?
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)15:38 No.1464775
    All of them.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)15:39 No.1464780
    Obsession with luck.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)15:40 No.1464794

    Nawh, let's stick with DoW stuff.
    There's a disturbing lack of Pyromanic Canoness however...
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)15:41 No.1464798
    We're missing:
    Sisters of Battle
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)15:42 No.1464803
         File :1207251737.jpg-(25 KB, 271x327, Zoat2.jpg)
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    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)15:49 No.1464847
    bumpan for win
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)15:53 No.1464864
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)15:55 No.1464879
    I wonder what reason Stumpy would have to be in the Mental Reclamation Convent of Saint Gimpus...
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)15:55 No.1464885
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)15:57 No.1464905
    Ficfaggotry called off due to nerd rage.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)16:02 No.1464948
    >>1464864 Not OP, but
    "Brother Pious, the Tau did it again."
    "Ah, my apologies, sister. We believed he was having a "Good Day". You have my permission to leave duty early to wash your face clean."
    "My thanks, brother." Sister Repentius Harlot turned, walked a few steps away, then said over her shoulder "He does seem to be making progress, though. It seems that including him in the weekly Sisters' Weightlifting sessions has, finally, curbed his use of that strange insult."
    Brother Pious seemed pleased. "Ah, sister, he um... appears to have gotten the back of your hair, as well."
    The awkward moment was dispelled by a call to duty; as he was escorted to a counseling session, one of the inmates screamed "I BET HE DID THAT WITH A PART OF HIMSELF! FOR INSTANCE, HIS PENIS!"
    Brother pious sighed. It was only morning, but many of the patients were flaring up already.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)16:03 No.1464956
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)16:07 No.1464994
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    This thread is awesome.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)16:09 No.1465004
    His heart of gold isn't welcome in the grim darkness of the future?
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)16:11 No.1465019

    He's too good to be true, IT MUST BE HERESY!
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)16:11 No.1465024
         File :1207253514.jpg-(267 KB, 800x800, 1202990549335.jpg)
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    His little jokes tend to scare men of IG, so they would try to make him less of a comedian.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)16:14 No.1465044
    Holy shit.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)16:19 No.1465077
    I'm bad with memory. Tell me who to do next and I'll do my best.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)16:22 No.1465101

    Pyromanic, if you so wish.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)16:25 No.1465123
    And she shouts. A lot.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)16:28 No.1465141
    Doctor Andronicus chewed his pie with some suspicion, but before he could finish, Director Harbrin burst into the kitchen, wringing his hands.

    "Carron AND Gorgutz are running amok, no progress with Baldea-"
    "Boreale," Adronicus mumbled through his mouth of food.
    "Yes, yes, yes, Mr. Stubbs is assaulting Tahril who appears to be getting," he looked left then right, then leaned into Adronicus and whispered, "sexually," then leaned back and continued as normal, "Excited by it, Doctor Kruger just keeps asking for more slides, we've had to call off the Marriage counseling, and poor Kharn's aromatherapy class was ruined entirely!"
    "Mwhy you telling me?"
    "Academnis is going to the hospital, and his next patient was XP54-7."
    "XP54-" Adronicus's eyes widened, "NO."
    "You have to!"
    "Why don't you do it?"
    "I have to get Carron and Gorgutz back into their rooms!" he took on a pleading look, "Plllleeeeaaaasssseeee?"

    The last door at the end of the hall. Flanked by three guards, Andronicus approached. The three guardsmen swept in, two flanking the third, as he went down, unlocking lock after lock. Andronicus always lost count after eight.

    The door swung to the side, revealing a figure bound to a hand cart, heavy leather and chain wrapped around his hands.

    "Hello Andronicus," said the faceless mask, as it cocked its head, "Did you bring me any literature?"

    Andronicus shivered. If they didn't need him to find the Kauravan Flasher...

    Faptau smiled, "I won't give you advice without something to read."
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)16:35 No.1465180

    Oh lord, now I imagined Faptau licking his lips obnoxiously behind glass walls.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)16:35 No.1465183
    I luled
    >> Yotian 34 04/03/08(Thu)16:37 No.1465195

    That is all.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)16:38 No.1465208


    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)16:40 No.1465217
    Was not expecting this. I almost shit myself from holding in laughter at work.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)16:40 No.1465219
    >> Rick Dominated 04/03/08(Thu)16:42 No.1465230

    No seriously
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)16:54 No.1465311
    wait what

    an IG officer got initiative against an Eldar Archon?

    well, unless he wanted it
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)16:55 No.1465317
         File :1207256140.jpg-(92 KB, 647x804, tahril.jpg)
    92 KB
    >well, unless he wanted it
    There you go.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)16:59 No.1465332

    that face needs to be shopped
    >> Vestigialante !!AV5mT4smp8X 04/03/08(Thu)17:06 No.1465366
    Believe it or not, the original model was WORSE.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)17:15 No.1465423

    that's a shop?
    >> Vestigialante !!AV5mT4smp8X 04/03/08(Thu)17:19 No.1465451
         File :1207257546.jpg-(56 KB, 563x422, Archon.jpg)
    56 KB
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)17:19 No.1465457
    Dark Eldar were never good
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)17:20 No.1465469
    Preserve this thread for future generations.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)17:25 No.1465498
    Maccabee had followed his lord after the disaster on Kronus and while he had gained a measure of insight into his lord during his campaign on Kronus, his inscrutability now frightened him greatly. The minutes passed as he sat in the reception room. Orderlies and sisters bustled about with their duties. Time continue to drag and there was no sign of his lord. Maccabee chanced a glance at the reception room's other inhabitants.

    A giant power armored figure, human but not human, sat in a corner wearing a depressed expression. Most surprisingly was that both of his arms were bandaged. Interesting. Maccabee made note of the staring eye engraved on the giant's breastplate. Where had he seen that before...?

    To the giant's left sat a colossus, dwarfing even the giant. He wore rust red power armor gilded in gold and a strange peaked hat with a double-headed aquila. Noticing Maccabee's stare, the colossus remarked matter-of-fact, "It's my day off and aromatherapy was canceled."

    Maccabee nodded slightly.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)17:27 No.1465506
         File :1207258062.jpg-(120 KB, 675x992, Eversor oh yeah.jpg)
    120 KB
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)17:28 No.1465508
         File :1207258083.jpg-(201 KB, 1200x766, Imperial Assassin Daycare Cent(...).jpg)
    201 KB
    This thread reminds me of this.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)17:29 No.1465514
    "I fapped on his liver, some Cava beans and a nice chianti..."
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)17:30 No.1465522
    If tau even have livers
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)17:46 No.1465603
    "Chaplain Brimstone, Her Grace is here on break from her care-in-the-community rehabilitation. She's requested further counseling."
    "Good, good, nurse, send her in."
    The Living Saint Celestine edged into the room, looking for all Her shining glory, quite embarrassed.
    "Now, remind me again why you are here."
    "I, uh... Tend to get overzealous..."
    "There is no such thing as too much good zeal. You told me so yourself."
    "Well then, I tend to focus my zeal on one... aspect"
    "Which is...?"
    "I purge everything with the Emperor's Cleansing Fire, as all should be!"
    "Now, there you go again. I've been told your work as a fire prevention official is going well, despite the earlier teething problems in the Home for Orphans of the Imperial Guard..."
    "I have been doing well, yes."
    "So I have a test for you. I have here a picture of a normal, healthy human being."
    "Yes, and what am I meant to do?"
    "Absolutely nothing."
    "Why must I do this?"
    "Because you must do absolutely nothing, while holding this..."
    The chaplain held out the flamer; As soon as it was in Celestine's hands, he flung himself under his desk.

    One month later, in the Severe Burns unit of the Order Hospitalus, she visited to extend her sincerest apologies - she had assumed that, in handing her a weapon of the cleansing flame, he was giving her the authority to purify.

    Her treatment is ongoing.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)17:52 No.1465643
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)17:53 No.1465645
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)17:54 No.1465649
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)18:03 No.1465698
    I thought it was funny. Good jaerb
    >> Inquisitor Eisenhorn 04/03/08(Thu)18:04 No.1465707
    Bump in the name of the Inquisition.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)18:05 No.1465712
    Great jaeaoreoaebaophv
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)18:06 No.1465713
         File :1207260386.jpg-(36 KB, 689x182, undying guardsman.jpg)
    36 KB
    I can think of someone who needs psychiatric assistance now.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)18:09 No.1465721
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)18:10 No.1465724

    Kane and Holt double-teamed that guy so hard,
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)18:10 No.1465731
    Holy shit, this just got even better! THE RETURN OF SADCRON
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)18:10 No.1465733
    ...that he ended his sentences with commas?
    >> Anonymous, Xom's Champion !!0aKrfPDoCW4 04/03/08(Thu)18:11 No.1465735
    Its already archived.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)18:13 No.1465744

    WHo knows.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)18:16 No.1465754
    /tg/ fluff is way better then real fluff. Or at least has a hell of a lot more personality.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)19:04 No.1465929
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)19:06 No.1465939
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)19:07 No.1465943
    bumpity bump
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)19:10 No.1465956
    bumpity bumpity bump
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)19:35 No.1466106
    I love you, Anon.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)19:45 No.1466158
    This is delicious fluffy goodness. Bump.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)19:51 No.1466185
    Oh, no way, no fucking way. This can't be it, can it?
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)19:54 No.1466198
    God damn it all I have a life.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)19:54 No.1466199
    Patience, grasshopper.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)19:55 No.1466205

    Don't worry, some of us are still around.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)20:11 No.1466266
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)20:18 No.1466303
    OH LAWD.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)20:41 No.1466435
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)20:45 No.1466461
    I am going to cry if there isn't more.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)22:00 No.1466886
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)22:16 No.1466947
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)22:18 No.1466957

    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)22:24 No.1466984
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)23:11 No.1467139
    bump for archival
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)23:11 No.1467140
    Shouldn't this have been Canoness Agna instead?
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)23:12 No.1467142
    The Saint in DoW is Anais, not Celestine.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)23:13 No.1467147
    Also, Canoness Selena Agna is the batshit insane firebug, not the Saint.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)23:15 No.1467153
    I don't think the OP wrote that one.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)23:16 No.1467155
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)23:21 No.1467162
    herp derp
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)23:34 No.1467207
    Most epic thing since Love Can Bloom. MOAR PL0X
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)23:37 No.1467215
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)23:38 No.1467219
    So...am I writing more of this or is someone else currently on it?
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)23:42 No.1467231
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)23:43 No.1467237
    I'm busy. You can take up the reins if you wish.
    >> Anonymous 04/03/08(Thu)23:59 No.1467294
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)00:13 No.1467360
    moar because moar?
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)00:36 No.1467489
    Brother Freud looked to see who his next appointment as Carron left the room, silent for the first time today. The aggression therapy seemed to be working, though the Mental Reclamation Convent was quickly running out of scale Rhino-replicas.
    Freud saw who was coming in next, and had to rub his eyes to be sure the paper wasn’t lying to him.
    A double appointment with Captain Boreale and Canoness Agna could not be a good idea.
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)00:41 No.1467516
    Boreale entered first, loudly proclaiming: “Eh salueht you Freud, in the nehm of the EMPRA!” and sitting down. Agna followed, constantly flicking a las-lighter on and off (part of her questionable therapy). Not to be outdone, Selena shrieked at the very top of her lungs:


    Boreale stood up quickly, and not to be outdone bellowed: “AS A SPESS MAHREEN, I THANK YOU IN NEHM OF…THE…EMPRA!” Agna let out a shrill scream like she had been hit by a power-wrench, and if it were not for Freud’s timely intervention a screaming match of epic proportions would have broken out.

    “Heresy.” He said, comparatively quietly in an attempt to get their attention. It was a terrible misjudgement on his part. Agna jumped at the mention of the word, suddenly look wild eyed, and turned to point an elegant finger with a heavily-chewed nail at Boreale. She opened her mouth gradually, building up to a screech:

    “I MUST KILL THE HERETICS!” and began flailing at the power-armoured giant with the las-lighter. Boreale roared and began to bat her arms away, responding:

    Freud attempted to speak, but the bodies of two orderlies came flying through the wall, completely destroying part of the room. Carron came back in, screaming:

    Selena screamed like a Catachan Harpy, and tore her cloak off her shoulders, setting it aflame with her lighter. She began swinging the flaming fabric around her like a flail, attacking Carron.

    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)00:41 No.1467517
    Boreale launched into the fray, swinging his massive arms into both Selena and Carron and carrying them through a different part of the wall into the next room.

    Freud, despite his shock at the surreal situation, could not help but be surprised there was a room through that wall.

    “I wonder what co-“


    A huge crashing sound could be heard from the holding chambers, and Freud saw orderlies running in a blind panic away from the source of the noise.







    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)00:44 No.1467526
         File :1207284249.jpg-(66 KB, 369x660, thread-delivers2.jpg)
    66 KB
    >> Guardsman Gary !p24mrXpa8I 04/04/08(Fri)00:44 No.1467532
    /tg/, you certainly have gotten shit done.
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)00:46 No.1467543
    As the OP, I must applaud you good sir. This is perfect.
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)00:47 No.1467550

    Thanks. I thought since yours was better thought out than mine, I'd just mishmash alot of batshit insanity together.
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)00:49 No.1467556



    Don't we always?
    >> Clarence, Mage 04/04/08(Fri)00:51 No.1467561

    Chang bang of DoW personalities.
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)00:55 No.1467573
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)00:55 No.1467576
    I wonder if these show up on the Relic forums...
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)01:03 No.1467615

    They better not, we need to keep this win to ourselves.
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)01:13 No.1467661
    Someone please continue this...
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)01:34 No.1467753
    Alright, well this thread hit epic.

    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)01:35 No.1467761

    Put it under a Dawn of War: Lulzstorm article. That game has given us heaps of epic win.
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)01:36 No.1467770
    "Guardsman, You should be proud to have made such a complete recovery," spoke Brother Jung reaching for a nearby data slate. "we have your new assignment here to the 64th Regimental Cadian Crusaders."
    Blood quickly began to drain from the guardsman's face.
    "Its led by the famous Commissar Holt, and I hear he asked for you by name," Jung finished.
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)02:51 No.1468112

    I see what you did there. And I lol'd hard.
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)03:24 No.1468272
    Bump to stay alive. Until morning.
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)03:30 No.1468297

    How long until morning?
    >> Synbios !TUyewbhdRo 04/04/08(Fri)03:32 No.1468302
    Define morning. It's 3pm here.
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)03:39 No.1468328

    It's closing in on 4 AM EST here. I'll see if I can write something up around 9 AM EST. No guarantees though. So we still have the primarchs, Kharn, Eversor, Callidus, Culexus, Sturnn, Lord Crull...Ciaphas Cain, Jurgen, anyone else? My memory fails me.
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)04:01 No.1468399

    The Eversor and Crull were in there somewhere.
    >> Yotian 34 04/04/08(Fri)04:22 No.1468479
    Clank on in, wearing a pair of small reading glasses over it's crystalline eyes, a large book held under it's four jointed arm, a pack of Camels in the other.

    "I shall protect this wonderful thread till mornings first light. Vigilance is a wonderful trait sometimes."
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)04:26 No.1468489
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)04:40 No.1468532
    oh god lol
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)04:41 No.1468534
         File :1207298499.jpg-(77 KB, 850x531, BIFF MCBIGTHREAD.jpg)
    77 KB

    I shall join you in this, brother.
    >> Yotian 34 04/04/08(Fri)04:41 No.1468535
    Neatly grabs the thread and throws it back up towards the top where it belongs.

    Licks it's thumb and flips through another page of it's tech manual "Awww yah... CPU on CPU action"
    >> Chaos Gardener 04/04/08(Fri)04:50 No.1468557
    I'm... I'm so happy... this thread...
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)04:57 No.1468586
    this thread has pleased me greatly.
    >> Chaos Gardener 04/04/08(Fri)05:04 No.1468609
    Hmm, alright, to keep this thread interesting and not just on the front page, anyone want to request a particular part of this drawfagged? I did one or two pieces for the Uberstadt thing that was going on a fair while ago, and I'm a little rusty.
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)05:04 No.1468611
    Gorgutz, peering at the anti-acne cream.
    >> Yotian 34 04/04/08(Fri)05:05 No.1468613
    Kharn at his aromatherapy session!
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)05:09 No.1468630

    >> Chaos Gardener 04/04/08(Fri)05:14 No.1468647
    I'll try this first. Something's up with my computer, it's all laggy lately even though it's an absolute beast.
    >> Random Death Star-Sized Sapient Disco Ball of Tzeentch !4T1uHiOuyE 04/04/08(Fri)05:14 No.1468648
    Either this, or a really sweet version of the pic where LIIVI is looking at the camera at Taldeer. Sure he's scarred and all, but in the pic he's grinning widely, maybe even motioning for Taldeer to come closer (which may contribute to Macha's WANT reaction).

    Yeah, I'm a fag, so sue me. I cry at romance media, for Emperor's sake!
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)05:18 No.1468661
    Pfyeah, what a fruit, I mean, imagining...Bright sunshine and lensflare, maybe they took it on the beach, surf washing up around his ankles, a rare, if uncertain grin, reaching out her...Maybe she a hint of a finger over the lens, on which you can see a wedding band...Just being, happy-


    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)05:23 No.1468685
    >Eldrad, winking and pointing both fingers at the camera.
    do this
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)05:25 No.1468699
    Fuck this shit.

    Taldeer in a bikini. The end.
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)05:27 No.1468707
    But I'm gaaaaaaaaay
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)05:28 No.1468710
    All of /tg/ is gay. I don't know why the hell I come here.

    Oh yeah, Xiombarg.
    >> Yotian 34 04/04/08(Fri)05:28 No.1468713

    I do not understand your fascination with members of the opposite gender glad in as minimal clothing as possible, being posted on this board. There are much better ones for getting material to beat your reproductive organ to.
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)05:30 No.1468716
    Then go request Taldeer in a bikini from, say, /e/. Gets you nowhere doesn't it?
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)05:30 No.1468717
    Also, that's because you're gay.
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)05:31 No.1468718

    Selena going after Boreale with a las-lighter while Boreale fends her off and Carron comes through the wall screaming METAL BOXEEEEEEEEES.
    >> Yotian 34 04/04/08(Fri)05:34 No.1468728

    "I believe one requires a gender to have a sexual preference..."

    Stares down at it's smooth crotch, scratching the bronze plate a little.

    "Something which I seem to be lacking."
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)05:34 No.1468729
    >> Chaos Gardener 04/04/08(Fri)05:39 No.1468747
         File :1207301965.jpg-(103 KB, 800x800, greenkleenanmean.jpg)
    103 KB
    I have an idea for one involving >>1468699 , but I need some more warmups. My computer is laggy as shit for some reason. So next one after this post gets done.
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)05:41 No.1468752
    I love it. My /r/ has been fulfilled! Glorious day!
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)05:43 No.1468758
    ...Off topic, but how about the ex-Guardsman Telemachus? If you don't feel like diverging from the topic, Faptau done up like Hannibal Lector.
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)05:43 No.1468760
    Vance mofoin' Stubbs seaching for the apple.
    >> Yotian 34 04/04/08(Fri)05:44 No.1468763

    I approve of Hannibal Tau.
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)05:51 No.1468786
    40k casual is pretty damn awesome.
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)05:51 No.1468788
    >Selena going after Boreale with a las-lighter while Boreale fends her off and Carron comes through the wall screaming METAL BOXEEEEEEEEES.
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)05:54 No.1468793
         File :1207302858.jpg-(90 KB, 600x902, review_cc5_1.jpg)
    90 KB
    For a reference, if you needed it.
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)06:03 No.1468822
    It's ok, you're allowed to swear here.
    >> Synbios !TUyewbhdRo 04/04/08(Fri)06:07 No.1468828
         File :1207303662.jpg-(67 KB, 600x902, fapnnibal.jpg)
    67 KB

    >> Chaos Gardener 04/04/08(Fri)06:09 No.1468832
    I'll do one of these two next. But now... I saw the request of Taldeer in a swimsuit, and was inspired. So, /tg/... do you Want?
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)06:15 No.1468842

    >> Synbios !TUyewbhdRo 04/04/08(Fri)06:16 No.1468846
    Will attempt a drawfagged version of this.
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)06:20 No.1468853

    >> Chaos Gardener 04/04/08(Fri)06:24 No.1468862
         File :1207304693.jpg-(43 KB, 429x684, justasplanned.jpg)
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    You asked for it.
    >> Yotian 34 04/04/08(Fri)06:25 No.1468863
    "System Error, shutting down."

    The clockwork warrior goes inert. Planned reactivation set for 6 hours from now.
    >> Chaos Gardener 04/04/08(Fri)06:34 No.1468883
         File :1207305257.jpg-(38 KB, 390x519, fapibbal.jpg)
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    Dammit, and I just finished my rendition. Though I did make some mistakes.

    Anyway, I can't really do Stubbs justice. Next request after this post gets done as per usual.
    >> Yotian 34 04/04/08(Fri)06:38 No.1468899
    *Turns back on, sparks shooting out of various parts*

    I love it. Faptau just got grimdark!
    >> Clarence, Mage 04/04/08(Fri)06:41 No.1468910

    This is hilarious, and you should feel hilarious.
    >> Chaos Gardener 04/04/08(Fri)06:46 No.1468933
    Why thankyou. Gotta do something at this time of night until my girl comes online after work.
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)06:53 No.1468965
    i was not expecting him to be so...

    >> Synbios !TUyewbhdRo 04/04/08(Fri)06:53 No.1468966

    You got ahead of me. Impressive, I must say.
    >> Clarence, Mage 04/04/08(Fri)06:56 No.1468981

    Kindly draw Macha looking at a projector, blushing, while saying "Want.", while the psychiatrist holds the doo-hicky controlling the projector in the background.
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)06:56 No.1468983
    i love this thread heap much
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)06:57 No.1468986

    When I saw the name Freud, I was expecting him to be talking to lucius the eternal about boning his mother.
    >> Cheezinz !p4pp0y1m5Q 04/04/08(Fri)07:22 No.1469038
    Brother Examiner Charlston's fingers drummed loudly on the desk, his entire room a cacophony of minute noises. His chair squeked ever so lightly under his weight, years of service making itself known under the rapping of his fidgeting hands.

    He flicked open an ornate pocket watch, and studied the hands...they were never wrong. But right this moment they showed an impossible number of hands, numbers in impossible places...

    ...It was time.

    The door opened silently, and his 4pm walked in - only a recent volunteer, but as always, one in great need of help.

    The expressionless mask nodded as the figure placed his staff on the rack provided and laid his ornate bolt pistol on the table provided. His power armoured frame, wrapped in a ragged cloak, sank into the chair - it's reinforced beams creaking loudly.

    Brother Examiner Charlston's stood and extended his hand. "It is great to finally meet with you, I feel we can help you with your inferiority complex Mr.....Mr....I am sorry, How is this pronounced?"

    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)07:22 No.1469039
    Do a pic of faptau in a stealth suit. Y'know, just a disembodied penis floating in front of a heat haze.
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)07:22 No.1469041
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)07:34 No.1469079

    Xiombarg would approve of this.
    >> Chaos Gardener 04/04/08(Fri)07:35 No.1469080
         File :1207308938.jpg-(75 KB, 778x538, morelikekharomatherapy.jpg)
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    Well it's getting late, and my mind is derailing. And my computer is being a douche-fag. So whatever I manage to squeeze out from now on will be pretty whimsical. Here's Kharn's Aromatherapy.
    >> Clarence, Mage 04/04/08(Fri)07:37 No.1469083

    I lol'd.
    >> HiddenKrypt !kbKrhQTmts 04/04/08(Fri)07:51 No.1469111
    I do believe that "Kharn's Aromatherapy" was meant to be Kharn *teaching* aromatherapy, not taking it.
    >> Clarence, Mage 04/04/08(Fri)07:52 No.1469115

    If you havn't noticed, the trend was 40k characters RECIEVING therapy.
    >> Chaos Gardener 04/04/08(Fri)07:56 No.1469122
    Clarence my man, you got it in one.
    I need sleep now, though. Gotta try and fix my computer AND my Tablet And go into town to get pieces for a costume themed party. (I'd go as a Chaos Cultist, but instead it's Sherlock Holmes.)
    I'm out. See you in other Drawfag-enabled threads in the future, you namefags and anons.
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)08:47 No.1469281
    Let's try and fill the thread with original content anyway before it hits 250 posts. Also, newfag writefag here, sorry for posting, etc. etc. etc.

    The good doctor Kruger sighed, and looked up from her clipboard. She was just about to run out of slides, and hadn't yet gotten to Macha's problem with intimacy. "Well, we're out of time Macha. Would you like to come in tomorrow, and we can continue our session?" Hopefully she'd have some new, more relevant slides then.

    "Oh sure!" Macha replied happily. "That was a fun slideshow!" She left the office in a cheery mood, no doubt going home to masturbate to all the photos she claimed to want. The doctor looked back at her clipboard to see who she had next. Brother-Captain Davian Thule, fresh from the Dark Crusade, it seemed.

    Davian Thule came into the room and sat down, and was surprised to see the slideshow. Pictured was the Eldar Taldeer, and the Vindicare Temple Assassin who had saved her when he brought his Brothers to her doorstep. "What is this heresy I'm looking at, Doctor?"

    Doctor Kruger flipped the slideshow off and put the projector back into it's box. "Sorry, I was using that to determine the last patient's problem... but let's not get into that. Why don't you have a seat over there and talk to me for a minute? Why have you come here?"

    The Captain took a larger chair to support his larger size, sat down and leaned back into it. "Some time after the Dark Crusade, the Inquisition questioned the Blood Ravens Chapter after the actions I took on Kronus; namely leading my Brothers against the Imperial Guard. While they haven't dismantled us or anything like that, they have been watching us carefully, and limiting the actions that we may take. I have been labouring under no small amount of guilt since then."
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)08:48 No.1469284
    Doctor Kruger fiddled with a pocket watch as she listened to the Captain ramble on and on, and had already decided that he was lying to her. "I doubt that's why you're feeling all this guilt. Nobody feels that way after the Inquisition decides to inspect something and doesn't burn it. You should be feeling relief if anything. So tell me the truth, why are you feeling this guilt?"

    "Well, I dunno..." the captain muttured. "I know I've been feeling guilty about SOMETHING, but that's the only thing I could think of."

    The doctor grabbed the pocketwatch by it's chain. Finally an excuse to try this. "Well, it might be a repressed memory. How about you lay down on that couch over there, and I'll try to hypnotize you to figure out what it is?"

    The captain looked over her shoulder, and saw the couch she was talking about. Which was strange, because he didn't remember seeing one when he came in the room. He went over, lied down and watched Kruger swing the watch back and forth, drifting slowly off to sleep. "Now, Davian, I want you to go back... go back... look for things that you aren't proud of. Look for things that fill you with guilt."

    "I keep a porn mag under my mattress."

    "Uh, other than that..."

    "I masturbate in the commons room when I'm the only one there or when the other brothers are sleeping."

    "Uh, no... I don't think this is going to work... um, tell me about your family, do you ever think about them?"

    "I don't think about doing my sister, that's gross."

    "Uh, I never said anything about... Um, stop that... Captain? Please take your hands out of your pants... Wake up, wake up!" She snapped her fingers at the Captain, and he awoke. He looked down and saw his hand in his pants, and he quickly removed it, and looked markedly confused. "I think I have an idea of what's making your feel so guilty."
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)09:11 No.1469352
    Bumping for epic-ness
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)09:18 No.1469371
    fuck i lol'd.
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)09:43 No.1469483
    Eliphas the Inheritor sat, confined to his bed, now little more than a vegetable. For his failure on Kronus, he was crushed to death... and yet, somehow he survived. His mind was screwy, and his body was beyond further use. The Inquisition had deemed his current punishment far worse than death, and since he was no longer able to spread the word of Chaos, he was deemed harmless. The once great Eliphas, deemed harmless by the Inquisition. Oh, how the mighty do fall.

    The door to his room opened, and the nurse he had come to know as Livia entered. On and on she would babble every day, telling him the every detail of her life, making him rage with envy for her ability to live. He could not express this rage, he could only lay silently there, his eyes moving this way and that, or simply closing, hoping that she would understand and stop. She never did. She needed to talk, and he couldn't do anything to stop her. A tear fell from the side of his face as she talked. She grabbed a tissue and wiped his face, pain shooting through his skull as she did so, and she went on talking. Never. Stopping.

    Livia looked down at her watch. "Oh, my time with you is up. I have to go back and check on the Necron Lord of Kronus. Thanks for listening to me like always, Ellie." She left the room, left Eliphas to his sulking and sorrows. Doctor Academnis entered the room as Livia left, with little more than an excuse me. Academnis went about as usual, making sure that Eliphas was going to survive through the night, and more importantly, ensuring that he would never make a full recovery.

    And for the first time since he was nearly killed, Eliphas managed to breathe out a single word. "Wrrrrrryyyy...?" Academnis looked up from the machine that kept Eliphas alive, and silently increased the sedative Eliphas received.
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)10:28 No.1469603

    Doctor Academnis is a dick.
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)10:34 No.1469625
    okay, all I read was "Wrrrrrryyyy...?"

    and that was enough to make me not read the rest.

    jesus christ, fail less.
    >> Random Death Star-Sized Sapient Disco Ball of Tzeentch !4T1uHiOuyE 04/04/08(Fri)10:44 No.1469658

    >Pfyeah, what a fruit, I mean, imagining...Bright sunshine and lensflare, maybe they took it on the beach, surf washing up around his ankles, a rare, if uncertain grin, reaching out her...Maybe she a hint of a finger over the lens, on which you can see a wedding band...Just being, happy-





    Lulz were had. Oh they were had.
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)10:50 No.1469678
    Brother Freud was glad beyond words to escape the fiasco that had levelled his office and quite a few surrounding rooms. Boreale had finally lost his temper and thrown Selena's armoured form through a reinforced window, though she managed to set parts of the building on fire as she fell. Gorgutz simply went around smashing things while Carron and the Eversor fought in a cacophony of "MEEEETAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa-RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"

    His next patient was far more sedate, intellectual, and reasonable. Deeply disturbed and twisted perhaps, but at least Archon Tahril had no troubles carrying on a coherent conversation.

    Freud knocked on Tahril's chamber door:
    "Hold on a moment..."
    The sound of Tahril putting his armour back on was clearly audible, and Freud didn't bother thinking about what he may have been doing. When Tahril opened the door, Freud tried not to notice the just-below-waist-height hole in the wall poorly concealed by a stack of...disturbing magazines.

    "Archon Tahril, how are we today?"
    "Better than ever, Mon-keigh. The magazines you gave me...'guro', you called them? They are fantastic. However, lately I have been having new desires..."
    "What desires would these be?"
    "I like...little girls." Freud sighed, and prepared to launch into a psychological analysis when he heard someone clear their throat behind him. Where had he come from? The tall man, dressed in the manner of an Inquisitor, spoke:
    "I am Inquisitor Hansen. I will be needing a moment with the Xeno", he said while flashing his Inquisitorial badge. Freud reluctantly left the room, and Hansen closed the door behind him.

    Freud distinctly heard the Inquisitor say; "Take a seat over there..."
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)10:55 No.1469701
    Read more, rethink. Stop, look and listen before you shoot your mouth off.
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)10:57 No.1469709

    Inb4 "Tahril mumbled "I knew that, I knew that" while he walked towards the exit. He did not know there was a squad of Adeptus Arbites just waiting outside..."
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)10:59 No.1469715

    this thread wins
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)11:18 No.1469808
    this thread cant be allowed to end!
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)11:23 No.1469838

    All good things must come to an end.
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)11:24 No.1469841

    Oh by the way, this should be added to the actual 4chanarchive and not just suptg.
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)11:25 No.1469847
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    my final gift to the thread
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)12:10 No.1470187
    Bumping thread.
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)13:34 No.1470621
    toasting in epic bread
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)14:29 No.1470788
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    So I fucked up fa/tg/uys and ca/tg/irl and let a spike chain fighter in my d20 SRD campaing (core + unearthed arcana).

    I've never seen the fighter in action, so I've pretty much written off the first adventure's encounters. If he can consistently keep people on the ground, future encounters will look different. The first adventure will set the precedent with some ranged attackers, so I can throw them in often and not get a 'Hey WTF?' look.

    Let's see the encounter options though - Ranged attackers, spellcasters, Large+ creatures, and creatures with 4 or more legs. Is that about right? I'm not a DM vs PC kind of guy, but I don't want a well planned encounter go down in flames because they can just keep the BBEG prone.

    tl;dr What does /tg/ know about thwarting spike chain fighters.
    >> d20modernfag 04/04/08(Fri)14:32 No.1470812
    Wrong thread, start enough.

    ..try oozes.
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)16:25 No.1471374
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)16:34 No.1471430
    Ciaphas Cain glanced uneasily at the beatifically smiling woman beside him. He was still overwhelmed at the speed at which Amberley had made all the necessary arrangements and now he was. In an ecclesiarchy chapel, before an altar and a priest, before Inquisitors, Sororitas, the Imperial Guard, and the Emperor about to be married.

    Amberley was about to place a ring on Cain's ring finger cementing their union when Cain heard it before he saw it, the question, "WHAT IS LOVE?" sundered the air, exploding a plane of stained glass. Shocked, the audience turned as one, craning their necks to see the source of the question. As if the question were the precursor, a steady cresendo beat began before the bass kicked in. All the windows, except the one depicting the Emperor shattered.

    Cain stared in disbelief, "Jurgen!?" Indeed, Cain's aide stood on one of the many balconies. Cain's gaze shifted to the source of the sounds and what he saw froze his blood in his veins. A Noise Marine in full combat regalia stood beside Jurgen shoulder-mounted amps pulsing as music issued forth. Strangely, the Noise Marine was bobbing his helmeted head in time to the music...

    The audience caught sight of the Noise Marine then and frenzied shouts and curses flew as they searched for weapons.


    To Cain's surprise, he found himself beginning to bob his head in time to the music. He found himself smiling , a first in a long time. Ciaphas turned to an enraged Amberley who was shouting commands at her retinue to silence the abomination and the heretic and then looked out at the audience, at the visages of hatred. Taking a deep breath, Cain took Amberley's hands in his own, "Amberley?"
    "Yes, Ciaphas?"
    "I must apologize my dear, I'm not ready for this."
    "By the way, you look ravishing in your robes."
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)16:37 No.1471447
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    Leaving the stunned Amberley at the altar, Cain ran down the aisle to meet Jurgen and the Noise Marine who had vaulted off the balcony to meet him. Chaos in the audience ensued as guardsmen dove for cover and Sororitas turned their eyes to the Emperor's statue and prayed.


    The chapel's door blew inwards and Doomrider idled his bike into the chapel. "DA DA DADA DAAA DA DA DADA DAAA DA....EXCELLENT BEAT! COME ON, ELDRAD'S HAVING A PARTY AT HIS PLACE. EVERYONE'S GOING TO BE THERE. CLIMB ON! YEEEAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

    Strangely unlimbered by his passengers, Doomrider revved his bike and accelerated down the isle before jumping the altar into warp space music still blaring.

    Amberley could not hold back her tears nor her wrath. A comforting hand fell on her shoulder and she glanced into a scarred Inquisitor's face. "Ms. Vail, as a veteran Inquisitor, I'm a keen observer of human nature and I can tell you that Ciaphas was not ready for this sort of commitment."

    Later, witnesses swore that the Emperor's icon smiled and whispered, "JUST AS PLANNED" after Cain departed
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)16:38 No.1471461
    It's incredible this thread made it this far without a raped guardswoman or Kane.
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)16:47 No.1471514
    While investigating Cain's disappearance, Inquisitors concluded that Cain's actions had inadvertently distracted an Emperor's Children warband from attacking the system and he was awarded a medal for "carrying the fight deep into the enemy stronghold at great personal cost". Ciaphas Cain returned to active duty some weeks later with the 597th Valhallans some weeks later. Amberley forgave Cain after a heated argument and some soul-searching. Of his experience, Cain has said nothing.
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)17:01 No.1471601
    ending the thread on a pile of fail. sad.
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)17:04 No.1471621
    >>1469678The sound of Tahril putting his armour back on was clearly audible, and Freud didn't bother thinking about what he may have been doing.

    Oh jesus, i thought he just assraped Stubbs
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)17:11 No.1471670

    don't see you doing anything motherfucker

    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)17:11 No.1471673
    I sort of lold
    >> Lil piece o´fluff 04/04/08(Fri)17:19 No.1471711
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    Now you say that...
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)17:22 No.1471728

    If you write one you know what we'll get...

    the question is do you want that?
    >> Lil piece o´fluff 04/04/08(Fri)17:28 No.1471760
    Is that a trick question? >:3

    Nawh. I don´t feel like writing anything. I´ll leave it to anyone who wants to pick up that idea.
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)17:30 No.1471780

    Well we have ten posts until this hit autosage.

    Ten posts left for guardswoman rape.

    Ten posts left.


    Think about it.
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)17:32 No.1471795
    Ten! AH AH AH!
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)17:33 No.1471799
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)17:33 No.1471804
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)17:35 No.1471816
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)17:35 No.1471818
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)17:36 No.1471820
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)17:36 No.1471821
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)17:37 No.1471825
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)17:37 No.1471828
    NO YOU!!!
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)17:37 No.1471830
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)17:37 No.1471834
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)17:38 No.1471836
    Oh man! Someone should draw Maccabee and Kharn in the waiting room. After Kharn's aromatherapy was ruined by Gorghutz and Maccabee is just waiting for his Tomb Lord.
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)17:38 No.1471841
    Thread has hit autosage, Good night, and good luck.
    >> Anonymous 04/04/08(Fri)17:38 No.1471844
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    >> Cheezinz !p4pp0y1m5Q 04/04/08(Fri)17:54 No.1471944

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