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    File :1207611038.gif-(1 KB, 150x59, bux_pill.gif)
    1 KB Players will be Players... Anonymous 04/07/08(Mon)19:30 No.1490328  
    This might have been a bad idea, but at least I've got a story to tell.

    I always try to give my players interesting items. It's almost like I use them as guinea pigs, just throwing all sorts of things at them and seeing which ones stick. Of course, rings of protection and cloaks of resistance are always used (but forgotten) and the more interesting ones tend to simply be abandoned. I've had a few hits in the past, but I was really trying to get at least one item that all the players would love.

    So, I went and did my research. Going through various compendiums, collections, video games, legends, stories, and all sorts of things, I amassed a list of about a hundred items. I then shortened it down to twenty, which I then converted mechanically to work at the players level. With this list of what I thought were to be instant hits, I started the players on their quest.

    This is when something very interesting happened.
    >> Anonymous 04/07/08(Mon)19:30 No.1490330
    Some of you may be familiar with the Buxomise Pill. This item, from Princess Maker 2, does nothing other than increase the bust size of the adopted daughter you are raising. It's expensive, is sold only a few times, and if you do buy it, you have to pass up buying some of the best items in the game. Being a little off in the head, or simply very primalistic, I always ended up purchasing it.

    Now, there are other games that have similar items or even quests, that do nothing other than increase a character's bust size. Why are they there? I sought to understand this, and my own strange attraction to the item, and so I decided to simply to toss the item on the list.

    The players were having fun with the adventure, especially with three of the items that they had picked up early. Then, they defeated a spellcaster, and along with two other items from the list, I placed the Buxomise Pill, thinking that the players would simply think it was funny.

    All hell broke loose when the wizard identified it.
    >> Anonymous 04/07/08(Mon)19:31 No.1490333
    I think, however, I may have skipped a step in this story. You see, all the players, as well as the characters, are male. However, they all have intricate back stories (most of which I could not make myself finish reading) as well as a heavy load of in-campaign NPC interaction and story crafting. To my understanding, each of the players either had a significant other, lover, daughter, or in the case of the wizard (who I found out had practically sneaked this little bit of info into the very bottom of his backstory), a human-shaped advanced homunculus.

    The wizard at first tried to keep the knowledge of what the pill does a secret, but the other players wouldn't let him. In a very aggressive few minutes, they managed to get him to say what the pill did in-game, and that's when the strangest conversation/argument I had ever heard in my entire life began.

    Each of them at first began to explain why they deserved the pill, who they would use it on, why the person they would use it on deserved it, and on and on, bickering back and forth. One of them (the monk) then suggested that they bid on the item with the rest of their inventories. This only made things worse, as they began to squabble over everyone's individual assets.
    >> Anonymous 04/07/08(Mon)19:31 No.1490335
    As time went on, I tried to restore order, but at the same time I was curious as to why they were so impassioned by this item. After the first hour, I even toyed with the thought of simply saying that they would just all receive a pill, but I let them continue, all the while listening carefully and keeping track of the time.

    About two and a half hours in, and not one of them had backed down yet (two would do so every so often, but be reminded of something and then leap back into the argument), I was about to simply write the whole thing off as Nystul's Magic Aura and take whatever hatred the players would give me. But just then, the wizard, with the grace and tact of crazed berserker, announced he was casting a fireball on everybody.

    Before I could say anything about all of this having been taken too far, the other players were already rolling their reflex saves followed by rolling initiative. Knowing this had gotten to the point far past simply being silly, I asked whether or not everyone was serious about this whole battle, over a pill that could probably be purchased for less than a +1 sword.

    As they unanimously agreed to finish what they had started, I simply placed a check mark on my list next to a particular line. After a second of thought, I placed a second check mark.
    >> Anonymous 04/07/08(Mon)19:37 No.1490358
    You are an evil bastard...
    >> Anonymous 04/07/08(Mon)19:50 No.1490408
    Oh my god, that was epic. Best story I've read all day. I will definitely be doing this some day.
    >> Anonymous 04/07/08(Mon)19:55 No.1490424
         File :1207612533.jpg-(26 KB, 465x275, 44a2f03f30768574bc6d68d702ca38(...).jpg)
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    This needs to be archived for future lulz.

    I salute you, DM anon.
    >> Anonymous 04/07/08(Mon)20:06 No.1490443
         File :1207613180.png-(35 KB, 736x736, awesome.png)
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    See picture
    >> Anonymous 04/07/08(Mon)20:07 No.1490447
    >> Anonymous 04/07/08(Mon)20:07 No.1490449
    >>1490447 BUST AS PLANNED!
    >> Anonymous 04/07/08(Mon)20:08 No.1490450
    I'm obviously missing something. Was the point to drive the players insane?
    >> Anonymous 04/07/08(Mon)20:09 No.1490454
    If you read the intro, then you would have realised that it was a psychological experiment the GM orchestrated to reflect on his own obsession with the item in the game Princess Maker 2.
    >> Anonymous 04/07/08(Mon)20:10 No.1490458
    I truly lol'd. Now here is where at the end of the campaign you reveal that twas not a Pill of Buxomise, but a cursed pill of Delusion.
    >> Anonymous 04/07/08(Mon)20:10 No.1490460


    Also, Two checks.

    First was to fuck the players over...

    The second?
    >> Anonymous 04/07/08(Mon)20:17 No.1490479
    This is made of awesome and neckbeard.
    >> Anonymous 04/07/08(Mon)20:31 No.1490515
    So who got the pill in the end? And on whom did they use it on?
    >> Anonymous 04/07/08(Mon)20:44 No.1490552
    But only after they gave it to the woman of their choice did the OP inform them of the pills slow, lethal effects...

    >> Anonymous 04/07/08(Mon)20:44 No.1490553
    I would so lol if one of them decided to be an ass and take the pill themselves.
    >> Anonymous 04/07/08(Mon)20:46 No.1490554

    >> Anonymous 04/07/08(Mon)21:25 No.1490647
    >You see, all the players, as well as the characters, are male.

    ... because if there had been a sorceress in the party, she wouldn't have waited two hours to fireball you.

    (Another girl and I got into a ridiculous catfight over a treasure horde once... I'm not even sure what it was we were fighting over, a broom of flying maybe? I think the rest of the party threatened to BREAK it if we didn't shut up.)
    >> Anonymous 04/07/08(Mon)21:35 No.1490674
    So, did you manage a total party kill, Head of Vecna style?
    >> Anonymous 04/07/08(Mon)22:21 No.1490838
    That item is silly and you should feel silly.
    >> Anonymous 04/07/08(Mon)23:15 No.1491139
    I have to try this.
    >> Anonymous 04/08/08(Tue)00:05 No.1491425
    post the whole list
    >> Ishallcallu !!Xsvs25wRLg9 04/08/08(Tue)00:19 No.1491533
    >> Anonymous 04/08/08(Tue)00:25 No.1491573
    /r/ whole list

    can anon deliver?
    >> Anonymous 04/08/08(Tue)08:12 No.1493353
    Dagger of Dimension Door
    Rod of Magnetism
    Twin strike jewel
    Foe Hunter ink
    Seeker caltrops
    Memory crystal
    Robe of chances
    Drowned Man Stout
    Adamantine Axe of Sundering
    Vestment of Many Styles
    Flying Lantern
    Possum Pouch
    Earring of the Wolf
    Buxomize Pill
    Mask of the Ancient
    Staff of Somaria
    Animate Wheelbarrow
    Ebony Fly
    Boots of Reverse Gravity
    >> Anonymous 04/08/08(Tue)08:21 No.1493387
    I'm intrigued by this story, and the item. But I failed to grasp one part...What happened in the end? And why was it that your players had such a quarrel for the item?
    >> Anonymous 04/08/08(Tue)08:22 No.1493391
    Mind naming the sources for some of those other ones?
    >> Anonymous 04/08/08(Tue)08:27 No.1493397
    So the players wanted it for their fictional wimminz? That's creepy, in a way.
    >> Anonymous 04/08/08(Tue)08:30 No.1493403
    The staff of Somaria is from LoZ: A link to the past, and allows Link to make large blocks, as well as to explode these blocks.

    Foe Hunter Ink come from Aborigine folklore, and is used to gain combat bonuses against a specific type of creature.

    Mask of the Ancient comes from an old Greek tale, and revolves around an old man that's always at the strangest of places.

    Animate Wheelbarrow is pretty much an animate wheelbarrow.
    >> Anonymous 04/08/08(Tue)08:31 No.1493404
    At least it's better than wanting it for themselves.
    >> Anonymous 04/08/08(Tue)08:36 No.1493415
    Do you have the effects of some of these?
    >> Anonymous 04/08/08(Tue)08:38 No.1493419
    Well, yeah. But still, why would a pill that increases bust size be deemed so valuable in a group of male adventurers?
    >> Anonymous 04/08/08(Tue)08:42 No.1493424
    Fireball vaporises the pill, everyone inhales the vapor.

    >> Anonymous 04/08/08(Tue)08:43 No.1493425
    I'm gonna have to call shenanigans on the OP's part.
    >> Anonymous 04/08/08(Tue)09:05 No.1493458
         File :1207659920.png-(58 KB, 1280x1024, 1207646251534.png)
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    >>1493353 Foe Hunter ink
    >> Anonymous 04/08/08(Tue)09:06 No.1493464
    Saitama, Saitama, F.O.E.
    >> Anonymous 04/08/08(Tue)09:07 No.1493467
    Godammit, why oh why did I lol?
    >> Anonymous 04/08/08(Tue)09:07 No.1493470
    F.O.E. ANIKI!
    >> Anonymous 04/08/08(Tue)09:08 No.1493471
    Douman, seiman! F.O.E.
    >> Anonymous 04/08/08(Tue)09:08 No.1493473
         File :1207660096.jpg-(39 KB, 480x640, 1206760122146.jpg)
    39 KB
    >> Anonymous 04/08/08(Tue)09:08 No.1493475

    Gossun Gossun F O E!
    >> Anonymous 04/08/08(Tue)09:11 No.1493482
    Most are in the item compendium, or simply self explanatory.

    Trust me, I'm the last person who thought this would happen.
    >> Anonymous 04/08/08(Tue)09:11 No.1493484
    Erin, Erin! F.O.E.
    >> Anonymous 04/08/08(Tue)09:13 No.1493488
         File :1207660389.png-(79 KB, 986x553, foeadvance.png)
    79 KB
    >> Anonymous 04/08/08(Tue)09:14 No.1493494
         File :1207660470.jpg-(103 KB, 785x594, 1207647508312.jpg)
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    Always Multiplying, F.O.E.!
    >> Anonymous 04/08/08(Tue)09:14 No.1493495
         File :1207660475.jpg-(56 KB, 400x224, 1183344406084.jpg)
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    >> Anonymous 04/08/08(Tue)09:15 No.1493498
         File :1207660525.jpg-(21 KB, 797x451, didsomeonesayFOE.jpg)
    21 KB
    Did someone say F.O.E.?
    >> Anonymous 04/08/08(Tue)09:16 No.1493500
         File :1207660588.jpg-(156 KB, 773x580, FOE.jpg)
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    >> Anonymous 04/08/08(Tue)09:17 No.1493502
    I don't think I like where this is headed (see: gay)
    >> Anonymous 04/08/08(Tue)09:19 No.1493504
         File :1207660778.gif-(39 KB, 480x360, 1156534152.gif)
    39 KB

    Cause I think I heard somebody say F O E

    F O E

    F O E
    >> EF-OO-EE! Anonymous 04/08/08(Tue)09:21 No.1493507
    >> Anonymous 04/08/08(Tue)09:24 No.1493513
    Goddamn. I hate PnP rpgs players. Worst fanbase evar amirite?
    >> King in Yellow 04/08/08(Tue)09:25 No.1493515
         File :1207661135.png-(132 KB, 320x240, 1181886558930.png)
    132 KB
    You are already F O E
    >> Anonymous 04/08/08(Tue)09:27 No.1493521
         File :1207661228.png-(167 KB, 801x451, 1179976020379.png)
    167 KB
    >> Anonymous 04/08/08(Tue)09:34 No.1493545
         File :1207661693.jpg-(29 KB, 620x480, 1207647218917.jpg)
    29 KB
    >> Anonymous 04/08/08(Tue)09:38 No.1493553
    >>1493494 Always Multiplying, tribbles!
    Fix'd. Now, what in blazes is this 'foe' nonsense? A foe, as I understand it, is simply an enemy, an opponent. Why has this driven you all nuts?
    >> Anonymous 04/08/08(Tue)09:39 No.1493559
         File :1207661981.jpg-(88 KB, 450x550, 1207646647879.jpg)
    88 KB
    Coming for you in your sleep! F.O.E.
    >> Anonymous 04/08/08(Tue)09:39 No.1493561
    OP, finish the story. I demand MOAR.

    Also /r/ the longer list you did
    >> Anonymous 04/08/08(Tue)09:41 No.1493564
    Formido Oppugnatura Exsequens

    From the DS game, Etrian Odyssey. They're boss monsters that will rape you up the ass if you're not prepared for them. Made famous by a flash animation seen here >>1493507
    >> Anonymous 04/08/08(Tue)09:42 No.1493568
    So who got it?
    >> Anonymous 04/08/08(Tue)09:43 No.1493571
         File :1207662200.png-(347 KB, 640x400, 1204061639229.png)
    347 KB

    EO2 is coming. With new FOEs.

    Prepare your Anus.
    >> King in Yellow 04/08/08(Tue)09:45 No.1493575
         File :1207662322.jpg-(50 KB, 320x375, 1181255604734.jpg)
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    >> Anonymous 04/08/08(Tue)09:48 No.1493583
    >>1493564 From the DS game
    Ah, so I may safely ignore.
    >> Anonymous 04/08/08(Tue)09:52 No.1493593
    Um, I fail to see how anything like OP's story could have happened in real life uless he and his players are a bunch of basement dwelling delusional weirdos.
    >> Anonymous 04/08/08(Tue)09:55 No.1493602
    /r/ moar list
    >> Anonymous 04/08/08(Tue)09:55 No.1493604
    >> Anonymous 04/08/08(Tue)10:42 No.1493782
    This thread went from awesome to even more awesome
    >> Anonymous 04/08/08(Tue)10:47 No.1493799
    'Sup Guu.
    >> Edward !F8wHraWURw 04/08/08(Tue)18:58 No.1496213
    OP, you are a sick frakking genius.

    I salute you
    Also, I'm taking that list.
    >> Anonymous 04/08/08(Tue)20:51 No.1496761

    Thanks to you, my RPG vocabulary has just +1'ed. F.O.E.
    >> Anonymous 04/08/08(Tue)21:06 No.1496830
    Who got the pill?!?!?
    >> Anonymous 04/08/08(Tue)21:06 No.1496834
    I'm fucking doing this when I DM my next campaign
    >> Anonymous 04/08/08(Tue)21:16 No.1496871
    we need to combine this with Noh to create the Ultimate 4chan dungeon reward

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