Posting mode: Reply
Password(Password used for file deletion)
  • Supported file types are: GIF, JPG, PNG
  • Maximum file size allowed is 3072 KB.
  • Images greater than 250x250 pixels will be thumbnailed.
  • Read the rules and FAQ before posting.
  • このサイトについて - 翻訳

  • File :1207961900.jpg-(109 KB, 944x742, science.jpg)
    109 KB Doc Aquatic Presents: Doc Aquatic !qtfTMdDxaQ 04/11/08(Fri)20:58 No.1513305  
    -Motherfucking Crazy Liches of History (An Exercise in Bullshit and Fluff)-

    A delusioned wizard nobleman whose entire kingdom was wiped out by a vicious plague to which he was miraculously immune. Driven mad, he continued to rule over his barren, empty lands, partaking in all his official duties, as though nothing ever happened. He sought out lichdom in order to eternally ensure the prosperity of his hallucinatory subjects. He occasionally sends his vast, non-existent army to attack other nations, which essentially ends up being him, standing outside the wall, yelling things. Most scholars agree: by now he's probably figured it out and is just fucking with us.

    Two twin necromancers who each lost nearly half their physical forms during a botched lichdom ritual. To save themselves, they combined what remained of their bodies and became one entity. Their form currently consists of two heads (Vilos to the right and Sivol on the left), three arms (one protruding from the chest), one three-elbowed super arm protruding from their (one and one half of a) spine, and one leg that has two knees. They have invented numerous powerful spells that only they can perform the incredibly complex somatic components of, including, but not limited to: Sivol's Unfathomable Horror, Vilos' Plain of the Disturbed, and the Siamese Fiend's Eternal Mach 13 Pimpslap. In their spare time, they enjoy composing duets and partaking in competitive doubles badminton.
    >> Doc Aquatic !qtfTMdDxaQ 04/11/08(Fri)20:59 No.1513307
         File :1207961957.jpg-(45 KB, 500x511, Aquabats1.jpg)
    45 KB
    One of the Big Three. Despite not being a dwarf, but rather, a human, his beard has been described as anywhere between 50 nautical miles and 40 acres large. In truth, it exists in the fourth dimension, and cannot be percieved in its true form by mortal eyes. Roughly one half of his undead legion is devoted to the grooming and upkeep of his quantam beard. His phylactery is hidden deep within a labyrinth located inside of his enormous, jungle-like beard. His beard contains immense magical energy and a single clipping can sell for over half of one million gold coins. When threatened, he is known to curl up into an invincible ball of beard and roll to safety. His beard can strike the head from a giant's shoulder and contains many deadly neurotoxins. He is completely bald and frequently uses his beard as a large combover.

    A demented warlock master chef who lived a secluded life attempting to unlock the secrets of true flavour. Many of his most famous and delicious dishes were prepared through the use of dark and forbidden lore. His most disastrous recipe involved the fresh blood of a demon who had just commited thirteen murders, five virginial rapes and one indecent exposure. It resulted in a massive wave of negative energy that laid waste to three square kilometres of happy fruit-ed plains and cursed Luigi Luigi with eternal undeath. Now free from the bounds of mortality and safely secluded in his dark tower, Hell's Kitchen, he continues his culinary experiments, creating fearsome and delicious animated beasts. He has to come to believe that the true appreciation of flavour comes only once you've earned the right of taste, by coming within inches of death and nearly having your soul forcibly clawed out. Do not order the kiev.
    >> Doc Aquatic !qtfTMdDxaQ 04/11/08(Fri)20:59 No.1513309
         File :1207961988.jpg-(28 KB, 414x645, facialhair.jpg)
    28 KB
    Little is known about MacDoff's life before lichdom. Scholars theorize his eternal life is fueled solely by his enormous ego. He is an extremely dapper gentleman, wearing a fine suit, a dashing cape, a polished top hat, and at least two corncob pipes and five monocles at any given moment. He spends all his time strutting around the earth, wielding his cane, which has had a powerful enchantment known as "MacDoff's Unequivocally Classy Jaunt" permanantely cast upon it. Everything within 100 yards of this cane instantly becomes a catchy MacDoff-themed musical number. MacDoff is rumoured to have once dispatched a Tarrasque by making a snide comment about its mother. He has slapped 57 kings and 2 demigods.

    >> Anonymous 04/11/08(Fri)21:02 No.1513314

    This is going to be my new BBEG
    >> Anonymous 04/11/08(Fri)21:03 No.1513317
    God I love you
    >> Anonymous 04/11/08(Fri)21:05 No.1513325
    MacDoff is now the best villain to have ever unlived.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/08(Fri)21:07 No.1513331
    Fuck. This is awesome.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/08(Fri)21:12 No.1513348
    >> Anonymous 04/11/08(Fri)21:14 No.1513358
    I fucking lawled. He must have balls that span dimensions.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/08(Fri)21:15 No.1513363
    You never cease to amaze me Doc Aquatic
    >> Doc Aquatic !qtfTMdDxaQ 04/11/08(Fri)21:35 No.1513442
    It seems MacDoff has become the fan favourite. I can't say I didn't see that coming.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/08(Fri)21:37 No.1513452
    Me either. The first two are way better to me.
    >> Doc Aquatic !qtfTMdDxaQ 04/11/08(Fri)21:39 No.1513457

    You missed my double negative. That said, while I predicted MacDoff would be liked, I prefer Belthasar.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/08(Fri)21:41 No.1513466

    You certainly described his beard very lovingly.

    Bismark's the only one I could see in an actual serious campaign, though.
    >> Doc Aquatic !qtfTMdDxaQ 04/11/08(Fri)21:42 No.1513475

    The first part, at least. I purposely made it seem viable before ruining it in the last two sentences.

    >> Anonymous 04/11/08(Fri)21:43 No.1513479

    Even that, theres just something sad about a lich standing outside walls screaming instead of blowing things apart.
    >> Doc Aquatic !qtfTMdDxaQ 04/11/08(Fri)21:45 No.1513482

    Good point. Maybe even have the townsfolk get so used to it that they start pretending to fight his army and feign death, just to humour the guy.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/08(Fri)21:46 No.1513484
    He's my favourite.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/08(Fri)21:47 No.1513493

    For the visiting heroes, this would be simultaneously utterly hilarious and completely stupefying.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/08(Fri)21:52 No.1513516

    Wouldn't he recognize the same people doing it over and over?
    >> (The Last Mechwarrior) Veteran of Xom 04/11/08(Fri)21:52 No.1513517
    Nice work Doc. I like the first chap. The end had me coughing.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/08(Fri)21:53 No.1513519
    They put on a combination of wigs, mustaches, and eyepatches.
    >> Doc Aquatic !qtfTMdDxaQ 04/11/08(Fri)21:53 No.1513523

    We've established that's he's fucking crazy.

    Specifically, motherfucking crazy.

    It's the title!
    >> Anonymous 04/11/08(Fri)21:55 No.1513529
    Drew the Lich?
    >> Anonymous 04/11/08(Fri)21:56 No.1513537

    Drew isn't bat fuck insane. He's just lovably incompetent.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/08(Fri)21:59 No.1513545
    Damnit /tg/, stop giving me campaign ideas! I have too many already!
    >> Doc Aquatic !qtfTMdDxaQ 04/11/08(Fri)22:00 No.1513548

    Just as planned.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/08(Fri)22:01 No.1513553

    My current campaign is in serious danger of Too Many Awesome Things is Stupid and Terrible thanks to you guys.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/08(Fri)22:05 No.1513563
    Bismark is my new hero
    >> Anonymous 04/11/08(Fri)22:25 No.1513628
    I love Belthasar.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/08(Fri)22:29 No.1513645
    Bismark wins.
    >> Commissar Iratus 04/11/08(Fri)22:44 No.1513695
    MacDoff and Belthazar need to form an unholy alliance to rule/destroy the world.
    >> Anonymous 04/11/08(Fri)23:28 No.1513905
    I'm just curious as to what it means that Belthasar is one of the "Big Three".
    >> Anonymous 04/11/08(Fri)23:36 No.1513953

    There's gonna be a sequel that reveals the other members

    and then doc is gonna reveal he's been making a legitimate campaign setting out of them the whole time

    punch will be served
    >> Anonymous 04/12/08(Sat)00:07 No.1514081
    >> Anonymous 04/12/08(Sat)04:28 No.1515260
    Greatest liches ever.
    >> Anonymous 04/12/08(Sat)04:31 No.1515274
    MacDoff made me smile.

    Delete Post [File Only]
    Style [Yotsuba | Yotsuba B | Futaba | Burichan]