I see no problem with this.

I should not allow it.
In fact, I only allow wishes as a plot-device.

I'm preeeetty sure that even if you're starting off in an epic-level campaign, you can't declare yourself to possess an uber-powerful artifact that brings the game to a halt.

>>1748612
Well the way I interpret it, that book allows the player to make DM decisions.

So yeah, that's not happening, ever.

>no divine or greater interference may stop or meddle with the wish's effects.

Right there is where he means, "Fuck the DM, this is my story."

Give him "Tome of Greater Dishes" in stead.

I say let them have it.
Then say 'ok; you can do anything you like? You're the fucking DM now bitch' and pull out your own character sheet.

>>1748615
>Give him "Tome of Greater Dishes" in steak.
Fix'd

Agree to a "Tome of Grater Wishes" via email, so he'll assume it's a spelling error. Then if he tries to use the book for any non-grating-related wishes, shout at him.

>no divine or greater interference may stop or meddle with the wish's effects
Let him have it. Then trip him up on the technicality that these wishes can be meddled with by anyone who is of less than divine power.

>>1748618
Do this.

Don't even let him use your notes.

>>1748652

Make his wishes, in fact, made of glass. Anyone can undo them by deciding they cease to happen. The only way they're of any use is if he can conceal the tome, the use of the tome, and the ongoing effects of the wish (and there are always ongoing effects). Otherwise someone decides they disbelieve.

After all, you can wish upon a star, but what happens to those pumpkins after midnight?

>>1748664
"I wish that my wishes may never be undone, including this wish"

Give it to him.
Then, as soon as the adventure starts, tell him that his character trips on a rock and impales himself on an artifact arrow of slay (his race; no save allowed) that was left over from an ancient forgotten battle on that site. Death comes too quickly for him to use his greater wish to avoid his ultimate demise.
He fucked himself with his "not even with the death of the owner" idea. Now the book is useless.

>>1748673
Metamagic instant-cast Timestop while he's in the process of tripping, then wish the arrow away.

>>1748599

Have the first NPC encountered also possess a Tome of Greater Wishes.

He turns the PC's tome into a Wand of Infinite Pillows, because it's not immune to magic.

>>1748670
If I were the DM I'd still go with it, mainly because it'd be fun to find ways to constantly trip his character up based on the player's flaws. Although I'm sure it'd eventually get to the stage where "rocks fall, everyone dies".

>>1748685

And you can just assume that anything the PC tries to do with his wishes, the NPC has already prepared for and has made the proper wishes to counter it.

OP:

You're going to say no, right?

All enemies are genies. Pairs of genies who make wishes with each other to counter the player's wishes.

>>1748702

Genies with the personalities, habits, and mannerisms of Bob and Doug MacKenzie.

>Genies with the personalities, habits, and mannerisms of Statler and Waldorf.

>>1748670

Eeeexcellent.

The first measure is in place. He may now not reverse any wish.

All that is left is to make him execute a really stupid one.

>>1748599
> no divine or greater interference may stop or meddle with the wish's effects.

So basically he is asking to be raped by a Demon Prince or one of the Lords of Hell. Just have the book do a side effect unrelated to the wish and unknown to the user that replaces his soul with a malevolent creature. (This gets around that pesky ownership clause as well) Then tell him his character is an NPC who is running amuck unleashing hell everywhere across the multiverse remaking everything as they see fit who can't be stopped by anything deity powered or greater. Make him roll up a new character (while telling him other peoples wishes and miracles no longer work cause that was one of the wishes the new book user made) And now everyone has to fight the NPC as a new BBEG.

>>1748709

You've obviously never watched Hamlet while drunk and/or seen much Canadian television.

>>1748713
>You've obviously never watched The Muppet Show while drunk.

>>1748724
In my game, my in game way of subtly threating my players to stop being retarded is a White Slaad & Black Slaad appear and begin a Statler & Waldorf insult act, with the players as the targets.

>>1748756

I usually have modrons fall on them.

His head is quite suddenly taken off by an incredibly fast moving piece of metal.

>DM:"You step out of the Tavern. CLANG"
>PC:"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?"

>>1748724
>You've obviously never watched The Muppet Show while drunk.

>>1748780
oo bad unless they stand in a line, the USPR can only take out one.

Allow the book and either not have the PC as the owner or have the first NPC walk up and say "I own that book" and take it from the PC.

SUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNDER!

>Five times per day as a spell-like action

Rule that he can have it. When he tries to Wish something, point out that he can't use it because his character has 0 spell-like actions a round, as they don't exist.

No immunity to magic makes it pretty vulnerable.

But I'd interpret the "no somatic or verbal components" as "if you move or make a sound, the wish goes horribly wrong"

>>1748646
>>1748685

One of these.

>the owner may invoke a greater wish with no somatic or verbal components

So it requires a material component? Make the material component an artifact, any artifact, including the one he is using.

Round One, PC is crushed under a ton of Flying Tarrasque Poo that falls from the sky.

PC is buried with his leather book, and his player must roll up a new character... who can't have the Tome, because there's only one (it is an artifact, after all, and thus unique).

>>1748835

By that, are we talking about the Poo of a Flying Tarrasque, or some Tarrasque Poo which can Fly?

>>1748847

Does it matter. Either one is made of win!

>>1748853
>Either one is made of poo!

Fixed.

>>1748865

It could be that I haven't slept in two days, but I lul'd.

So only the player can use the artifact book'o'wish. Who made the book?

Have the book be sentient, and it acknowledges itself as the owner. Whenever the PC tries to use it, it tells him to fuck off.

>Five times per day as a spell-like action, the owner may invoke a greater wish with no somatic or verbal components.
>Five times per day

Just throw 6 ridiculusly horrible situations at him on day one. problem solved

>>1748712
DO THIS.

Have the book be trying to kill him. Basically, it eats away at his soul. Every minute it's in his possession, it does 1 incurable con damage. When he tries to ditch the book, remind him that it's impossible to remove it from his possession.

>>1748919
What's stopping him from wishing this effect away?

>>1748894
I like this.

>>1748894
>>1748894
>>1748894

it's so simple....

>>1748923
Because phrases like, "I wish this book would stop eating my soul" are easily turned into "The book devours all of your soul and then stops. Wish granted."

>>1748923
DM fiat, mostly.

Do you know who's going to want to get their hands on this:

Damn near everyone.

Have an assassin show up, gank him and steal his body. Sure, it can't be removed from his person, but nothing says you can't take his person with you and start using with his corpse lying right there.

>>1748939
You wouldn't need to take the whole body, would you? Just part of the body, yeah? Like the hands or something.

This book existing sounds like an effect that lasts one or more rounds...

>>1748933 fiat

What happens if the owner dies and then the body is destroyed? The book is indestructible, so it shouldn't be difficult to kill the owner then throw the body and book in a fire, incinerating the corpse and the just walk in and pick up the book from the ashes.

>>1748948
>it is indestructible and impossible to remove from it's owner's possession
Hands won't do, you have to take the body.

>>1748965
Well, it depends. If you kill the owner and dismember him into say, six seperate pieces, and then six people take the pieces and go in different directions, where does the book go?

The book certainly isn't immune to fire.

Good ol' fashioned fire.

Have them take a trip to the elemental plane of fire and inform the character that he smells burning paper. oooooops.

The player is just begging to be possessed

>>1748972

Start with "all demons in existance try to possess you at the same time"

Then keep rolling dice for demon possession of the body until he realise how retarded he is.

>>1748894
This makes the most sense. Figure out how many castings of Wish the party can do per day, then send that +1 many Tarrasques at them.

>>1748995
It's not even that hard to incapatiate a Tarrasque.

He would certainly need to have some collossaly huge weakness to make up for owning this book. I know it's not really the DnD way, but in the interests of having a fun campaign, strengths should be balanced by weaknesses.

I think you should tell him he can have the book BUT, the book is sentient, and refuses to directly mess around with living beings, this prevents "I wish this dragon were dead/10,000 miles away/suddenly a rabbit" Also, the book exacts a price for each wish it grants, the cost being proportional to the wish, so he can't just go around haxxing the campaign any way he likes, because the DM can then go "alrighty, the price the book takes is your sight, your character is now permenantly blind.

Sentient and highly powerful magical artifacts ALWAYS fuck their owner over.

>>1748991
>"all demons in existance try to possess you at the same time"
they all fight each other and now every demon ever is dead.

>>1749005
no

>>1749000

"I wish that these tarrasques are teleported next to the Neutronium Golem about fifteen parsecs away."

>>1749010
Well, fuck that guy. Your well argued counterpoint has swung me over to your point of view.

"I wish to be a Neutronium Golem"

ITT Terrible fucking DMs

Good DMs accommodate their players, not try to fuck them over at every turn

>>1749012
good

>>1749011
A neutronium golem appears next to you. The tarrasques teleport next to it. They are disoreintated for 2 rounds and then attack.

HEY GUYS

GUYS

I'VE GOT A CLEVER AND WITTY IDEA

HOW ABOUT THE DM TELLS HIS PLAYER "NO"

HAHAHAHAHAHA WACKY

But seriously, the best idea here is to make him a slave to the book. In fact, I think you should go above and beyond.

The book is as big as a person and weighs enough to encumber him at all times. It's literally chained to him. If you want to pierce flesh and bone, by all means. It can't be removed from the owner, right? Well, any pissed off Devils are free to try and pull it out, subjecting him to intense pain all the while.

And if he has to pass concentration checks to make a wish from the book during all of this pain...

>>1749015
>ITT Terrible fucking players

>Good players don't ask for a "fuck you, i'm the DM now" magic items.

>>1749026
That isn't half as fun as fucking up his faggotry.

Good players don't try to incorporate godhaxx skills into their characters so that it is utterly impossible for a DM to do anything to them at all ever.

Why the fuck would a guy with a book of greater wishes, that works exactly as he wants it to, even bother going on any sort of adventure? "Holy shit! a demon prince has gathered an army and is waging war on our world" hmm... I wish him and his army just went away. There, campaign over.

You've got to be the absolute worst DM in existance if you just let your players do whatever the hell they like, because there is always that guy who isn't interested in playing the game, he just wants to go "my character is godly powerful, I can do whatever I want, I'm so awesome" That guy should have his character obliterated in as cruel and amusing a fashion as possible.

>>1749026
>Well, any pissed off Devils are free to try and pull it out, subjecting him to intense pain all the while.
I bet he wish's that never happened. Haha.

It's probably a good idea to just say no.

If you allow him to have his item, he will INSIST that it is 100% utterly indestructible by any means, nothing can stop him from making wishes, and that the wishes ALWAYS go exactly as he wants them to.

For safetys sake you should probably make him play a level 20 commoner, the most fucking amazing potato farmer in the world or something.

>>1749015

ITT trying to deal with players who give themselves ridiculously stupid and overpowered shit.

Kick your player in the stones.

Problem solved.

Just have everything he wishes act as a hallucination, the 10 billion gold he just wished for? all an illusion, that dragon he wanted teleported onto the moon? now it's just invisible and PISSED, the full heal for the entire party? yeah it looks and feels like all their wounds are sorted but they're still bleeding internally.
Basically just fuck him over for being a colossal fag.

>>1749005
I like this one. make the price one of his vital organs, just for kicks. No wishing for organs back.

>>1749015
see
>>1749036
>>1749042
Seriously. Why would you even want this? It sucks all the fun out of it completely! Whoever created retardation deserves to be introduced to a field of gazebos!

have random people bump into him at random times. then one time, have one of those bumps be a level 20 thief npc that stole his book and he didn't notice because you secretly rolled a natural 20 on his sleight of hand. Then have the thief npc use the book against him.

alternatively, have him wish for the book to be destroyed. then what happens?

I know it is not the angry DM way, but maybe you should just explain to him that that shit is to powerful for any game, much less the one you're playing. If he's not a total cocksucker he will understand. If he is, then kick him out cus he wants to suck your cock and thats just awkward.

Make the Book the McGuffin, Lord of the Rings style. He has to take it to be destroyed at SPECIAL ARTIFACT DESTRUCTION SPOT X because everytime he uses it, it wrecks havoc with the structure of the universe.

DM imagination if he actually uses the damn thing during the campaign.

Can I just ask: did the player want any other gear?

>>1748599
the player doesn't have enough starting gold to purchase this item

So, basically, he's trying to give himself the Alter Reality salient divine ability. I think this requires a visit from the Lady of Pain.

>>1748599
>indestructible
If you fancy getting into a science fight you could set it on fire and say that though it may very well be indestructible he never said anything about not being able to rearrange it into a pile of ash and energy, the law of conservation of mass/matter is your friend in this situation.

>>1748599
Have someone knock the PC unconscious and then use the book of wishes on said PC.

It doesn't have to leave the PC to do this, as you can simply open the book while it is in contact with the PC's body. Make the wish something nasty and permanent, then make a wish for the book to never be obtainable for any PC no matter what.

Alternately, kick the player in the face IRL for obviously trying to break your campaign.

I suggest Psionics as your savior here. That says that it's immune to Mordenkainen's Disjunction and Antimagic field, but it lacks the important qualifier "and similar effects." Thus, have Joe Psion walk up to him with a Null Psionics field and fuck up his shit, then use the Annulus to destroy the book. Problem solved.

Doesn't the term 'owner' just meant the person who owns it at the time? Ownership is a very, very risky thing- especially with so many skilled thieves about the place...

>>1748951

"Tome of Greater Iron Heart Surge"
Artifact
It appears to be a simple leather bound book. However, it is indestructible and impossible to remove from it's owner's possession, not even with the death of the owner. This artifact is also immune to magical disjunctions, and functions in the presence of antimagic fields.

Five times per day as a spell-like action, the owner may invoke Greater Iron Heart Surge with no somatic or verbal components, and without needing any further knowledge of the Iron Heart martial style.. A greater Iron Heart Surge functions similarly to a normal Iron Heart Surge, but the consequences of the Iron Heart Surge are entirely up to the owner of the tome - the Iron Heart Surge may not be subverted in any way, and no divine or greater interference may stop or meddle with the Iron Heart Surge's effects.

>>1749013
Let's play "I Want to be a Neutronium Golem" RPG.

>>1749136

Holy shit, an appropriate use of Psionics.

>>1749137
An item can have multiple owners, i'd be less worried about thieves and more worried about the thousands of previous owners who's bodies are still attached to the book(cannot be removed, even in death, remember?).

>>1749152

Specifically, I'd be worried about the owners that are now some form of ridiculously powerful undead. A book covered in demiliches would be a fairly unpleasant thing to own.

Make a percentage chart of disasters and penalties.

Make his wish only have a 5% chance of succeeding, and in case of failure, make it fail in epic ways.

>>1749158
Holy shit, perhaps that's what's at the very heart of that giant ball of undead on the astral plane.

>>1749164
>fail in epic ways
You called?

If you allow it, which we all know you shouldn't, first allow a slightly weakened version (remove the no consequences clause and maybe limit the number of times per day). Then make the book your campaign's BBEG. For every wish your player makes, the book is allowed to make one of its own. Have it whisper to him "Why are you fighting that dragon? This battle would be over if you just wished it dead," and shit like that to make him use wishes. Have monsters appear right in front of him when the party is wounded and nearly out of spells so that he doesn't have a choice about whether or not he uses it. The book's wishes are immune to interference, even your player's. And then, when everything is in place, have the book work toward killing that character so that the book can possess his corpse and RULE THE WORLD!

>>1749183
I like this.

>>1749183
This.

>>1749183
I like that very much!

OMG Epic.
DO IT!

>>1749183
The book is the prison of some forgotten Deity mebe?

>>1749195

channel for a dead god? Its ultimate goal being the complete ressurection of that god? Sounds very much like a worthy campaign for epic level adventurers to me.

>>1749195
Interesting twist. This evil god is using his wishes tho bring back his priesthood and lieutenants. Hell, you could kill his second in command and the guy would keep coming back. I like where this is going.

Just don't let him have it. Doing anything specific to take the item away after you allowed it would be strange and conspicuous.

BUT, I do think you should give him a Tome of Grater Wishes... that sounds like an excellent idea. The player can wish for grated parmesan 5 times per day.

>>1749042
>I don't like Ed Greenwood.

>>1749183

Instead of trying to fuck the player over by making his toy destroy him, why not fuck him over by making his toy worthless?

Make everybody in the world have one. Now you have the D&D equivelent of a game of Defcon.

>>1749223
>No one likes Ed Greenwood

Fixed for you fat brother

Give everyone in the world Iron Heart Surge. If he wishes their Iron Heart Surge away, the removal of their abilities counts as an effect that lasts for 1 or more rounds, and therefore...

>>1749419
IRON
HEART
SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURGE

>>1749092

You fail for not knowing what a mcguffin is. A mcguffin is worthless to the characters, yet drives the story.

A uber-tome or necromancers phylactery (such as in LotR) drives the story, but it is VERY far from useless.

I vote for Tome of Grater Wishes or just twisting his words. Sure he decides the consiquences, but not anything else that happens after the wish is done. Just have a monk warn him that everything is suposed to be balenced, and useing the book cuases the unierse to need to rebalence.

"I wish the BBG dead"
"Sure"
"He arises as a lich, confused but angry"
"I wish him thousands of miles away"
"Sure"
"At the end of the day, you see him flying overhead on a skelatal black dragon, coming right for you"

And repeat. Or you could go with the book being owned before him. Clearly someone had to have made it, and was techinally the owner. So now he has a book that is stuck in a corpseshand and cant be pryed out.

Or just kill him.

Thinking about it, another good one would be the book being intellegent and suicidal becuase it has done so much wrong. Whenever he is near a deadly thing, it pulls him out and forces him to use a wish to save himself. He walks near a window, and it pulls him out and aims towards the lava moat. He is in a celestial bar with Gods, and the book insults their mothers. He will be come agoraphoic sooner or later.

>>1749183

Epic Level Characters tend not to start with artifacts. Even if this wasn't overpowered, no character should ever start with an artifact, unless he himself made it.

"Tome of Greeter Wishes"
Artifact
Automatically greets everyone and everything that appears in the player's presence by wishing them a good day.

>>1750427
"Tome of Bitter Wishes"
Cursed artifact
Makes forced snide remarks at people within 30ft. of the owner, with an Irish accent.

"Tome of Greater Washes"
Artifact

It appears to be a simple leather bound book. However, it is indestructible and impossible to remove from it's owner's possession, not even with the death of the owner. This artifact is also immune to magical disjunctions, and functions in the presence of antimagic fields.

Five times per day as a spell-like action, the owner may invoke a greater wash with no somatic or verbal components. A greater wash functions similarly to a normal Wash, but the consequences of the wash are entirely up to the owner of the tome - the wash may not be subverted in any way, and no divine or greater interference may stop or meddle with the wash's effects.\\

The solution to smelly PCs.

Tome of Grater Wishes

Automatically grates any piece of cheese the owner desires.

Tome of Greater Fishes

Summon a Megalodon twice a day, even on land, Anywhere.

"Tome of Greater Dishes"

Does your dishes once per day. That's it.

"Tome of Greater Welshes"

Allows the user to summon a ridiculously fat Welshman five times per day.

Tome of Greater Snitches

Tells Mommy whenever the owner does anything bad.

>>1750481

fish fall, everyone dies?

"Tome of Greater Witches"
Summons a witch; each more powerful, more ugly, and more devious that the one before it; up to five times per day.

Tome of Greater Stitches

+8 on all heal checks.

"Tone of Greater Wishes"

Allows the user to make any wish they desire, however the book only accepts pure musical tones as commands, so the user must attempt to tell their wish using a musical instrument. The Player must actually use a musical instrument of the GM's choice to perform the request.

"Tome of Greater Wishes"

Automatically adds extra effects to any player's "Wish" spell, heightening the effect.

"I wish the dragon was dead" => "All dragons, everywhere, die and are disintegrated into dust, every trace of their existence, including their hordes of treasure and the memories of them, vanish without a trace. Additional everything made from dragon parts or that has 'dragon' in it's name or title vanishes as well."

Oh Hi! I upgraded your wish.

"Tome of Greater Wishes"

Only grants wishes that are greater in scope than any previously conceived of wish. Unfortunately for the player, the previous owner wished the entirely multiverse and every person, monster, and thing into existence, meaning the book can not be bothered to grant any wish his pathetically trivial little mind can come up with.

"Tome of Greater Swishes"

The user can make any basketball shot perfectly, in fact any object the user throws will find a way to pass directly through the center of the nearest loop and fall harmlessly to the ground afterwards. This includes any weapons or magic spells that involve a ranged touch attack.

>>1750577
The potential for dickery intrigues me.

Christ... I started an epic level campaign with my own demi-plane and it wasn't as overpowered as that damn book.

>>1750683
how can a demiplane be overpowered? was it full of your subjects?

Give him one of these instead.

>>1750697
Honestly it wasn't really overpowered at all, beyond serving as a very difficult to assail base of operations.

>>1750697
It was the demiplane of dickery.

>>1750706
It'd only work on mortals. Outsiders, undead, constructs, elementals, etc. would all be immune.

>>1750712
i figured as such.