>>1798742

>>1798756

Sir, I do believe you just defined the use of "Epic Bluff." Good god, you must have pissed everyone else off.

>>1798761

>>1798768

>>1798765
actually they weren't that pissed.
it still didn't equate to the sorcerer casting AOE spells when our paladin, cleric and fighter were in CC. and killing us instead of him.

>>1798765

?

>>1798799
The more I think about this scenario, the funnier it gets. I could just picture the Powers That Be just watching all of this on God-O-Vision, watching all five of their destined groups of champions get their asses whomped, then turning off the tube, facepalming, and muttering something along the lines of "Paul, draft up another fucking Ancient Prophecy..."

We were running a stormwrack campaign and at one point had been entrusted a ship to investigate an island. Did so and in the process ran the ship over a shoal that had been magically hidden and did adventurer type stuff on the isle. Get back, turn in the booty minus our share and then they start haggling about the ship. The first mate then says to them "the ships not damaged. Those are SPEED HOLES!" He then proceeds to roll a nat 20. And we thus earn a bonus.

Only topped by his later successful attempt to fake his own death and manage to convince the paladin with spectacles of truth who was watching the whole time. (And was hired when the speedy ship was found to not be as speedy as advertised)

fuck it.
this thread is about uses of epic bluff.

Playing as a Human Factotum in a party with a wizard, cleric, rogue and warblade (none were even close to min-maxed, just flavored for roleplay) we get ambushed by a mindflayer group. I was the only one that made the save against all the mindblasts in the first round.

DM: Allright, so what do you do?
Me: Three mindflayers, right?
DM: yeah, one is an Ullitharid.
Me: ....I bluff the Ullitharid into thinking it is perfectly rational to eat the brains of one of the other Illithids, appealing to his inherant sense of self supremacy.
DM: WAT
Me: The fiend folio even says that Ullitharids hold themselves as a cut above normal mindflayers, so it shouldn't be impossible, per say.

I made the roll, and got to haul the party off as the remaining illithid and thralls attempt to pacify their leader who just nom nom'd the second generic mind flayer.

We later run into the Ullitharid again (MANY levels later) who, as a result of feeding on mindflayers, had acheived Paragon status. He no longer even cared for non-mindflayer minds, which was good, because he would have raped us.
CONT.

>>1799317
Cont.

Still later, we are investigating a potential Aboleth/Illithid alliance and have disguised ourselves as mindflayers, and run into him again, only now he thinks we look plenty tasty. We can't drop disguises and run because we have infiltrated a treaty meeting and are surrounded by aboleth and illithid. We figure that they and the guards outside will take care of him. Five rounds later half the room is dead and he is still standing pretty, at which point we run like hell.

Still later, we are trying to stop an ethergaunt incursion (most of them leveled up with class levels, and mostly black ethergaunts at that moment), when he shows up again. Only this time, as a result of further years of consuming ever greater minds, his body has warped, and he is now Pseudonatural (in addition to the existing Paragon and Ullitharid status, so he is fuck scary). He tears his way through the ethergaunts, and basically ends our quest to stop the invasion prematurely by virtue of having eaten all our opponents.

Still later (it was a long ass campaign) was are fighting some homebrewed godbabies (basically living atropals) and he shows up AGAIN, and EATS THE GOD BABIES.

So yeah, one bluff early in a campaign ended with god babies being eaten. Who knew.

>>1799317
>>1799318
I... I think this is awesome.

>>1799318
God babies being eaten = /thread

>>1799317
>>1799318
Oh holy fuck that is LEGENDARY.

One of my favorite stories involves my sorcerer and my friend's rogue. The rogue is in combat with some damaged yuan-ti, and they're all in lightning bolt formation. I say "You've got evastion, right? What do you have to roll to make my DC?" Turns out he succeeds on a 2.

I cast the spell, roll absolutely massive damage on the bolt, fail the Yuan-ti's SR, and the rogue rolls a 1 on his save and dies.

We couldn't believe it.

>>1799317
>>1799318

I was in the process of making a bluff focused character, but after that, fuck it. I can't top that and it would be an insult to you to try.

Group of 4 10th level PCs. We're in a city that's been quarantined because of some supposed virus which is total bullshit. I'm getting the vibes that we're supposed to rendezvous with some underground movement and sneak out of the city and eventually give the bastards who staged the whole quarantine what-for.

The party's fighter, who is also the regular DM, doesn't stand for this. He starts yelling at and bitch-slapping the locals to come with him. They're scared shitless and anxious to get out the hellhole so they oblige. Eventually he's got a wall of bodies slamming themselves against the main gates that's high enough to break the ridiculous strength DC, and proceeds to lead a mob of peasants to slay the regiment of soldiers on the other side manning the quarantine.

Good use of diplomacy/intimidate I suppose, in the "fuck up all of a DM's main plans" kind of way.

>>1799317
>>1799318

ITT: DMs thing bluff = mind control, but end up redeeming themselves with creative use in the future.

>>1799355
A good enough bluff can do that.

>>1799355
yeah, i've seen player try and argue to the GM that "they believe me, they have to act the way I want them to" before

>>1799355
A weel enough crafted bluff has greater control than a thousand mind control spells.

>>1799355
Yeah... Arguably, it would be bluff to get him to think you're an authority on his life, followed by two Diplomacy checks: one to shift the Ulitharid to, at the very least "Indifferent", one to shift his stance on his allies from "Helpful" to "I WILL FUCKING EAT YOUR BRAIN".

>>1799360
It would have been more reasonable for the Ullitharid to think "you know what, you're right. After I'm done eating your brains, I'll take theirs." and act accordingly.

You have to have the creatures behave rationally. You're not going to be able to approach a military lieutenant, who you're about to fight, and say "your entire battalion is plotting against you, you should have them executed" and expect him to do that, regardless of whether or not he thinks you sound believable.

That's where a suggestion spell comes in, when it's actually forcing someone into an alternative course of action. Otherwise, just cast glibness on yourself and bluff every enemy into either running away from your superior power or every enemy group into attacking and killing each other.

>>1799355

Isn't there something about a high enough Bluff check (might've been DC50 or something) acting like a Suggestion?

>>1799381

Maybe at epic levels, or something, but from the SRD:

"Bluff, however, is not a suggestion spell."

Still, creative use of the bluff, and well played by the DM in future encounters.

Also, WHAT HAS SCIENCE DONE?

>>1799384

BOO RULES AS WRITTEN! Hoo-raaaaaaay bluff!

One time I was a female low level rogue, I got caught, stripped and tied up to be burned at the stake by some underground lizardmen. When the high priest came along to start the burning I rolled 20 on bluff to 'channel' their god. I did this in character and acted it out with all the supernatural twitching and the deep voice and so forth. I told the lizardmen that I was actually a divine champion sent to lead them to everlasting glory and release their god from bondage. They untied me and I ordered the entire clan to journey to the center of the earth where I would 'meet up with them later' I had to stay naked until they all left for fear of seeming less godly

>>1799527

Same character with unlocked ability to shape shift goes on to go around town propagating rumors, changing form, repeating and stiring up a revolution to go kick some insect guys ass, then everybody gets killed.

>>1799374
...Oh.

In that case, I'm an idiot.

>>1799352
This was one bluff, and the unintended consequences
>>1799355
>>1799362
>>1799372
I actually had a debate with the GM about it, and I justified it with the descriptor I referenced in the fiend folio about ullitharids. Basically, since they view regular illithids as less then them, their mental hierarchy would go: them > all other mind flayers > everything not mindflayer, as a result of both their almost racially ingrained arrogance, and their obsession with both racial and self superiority. I then used that as a base to basically bluff to him that eating non-mindflayer brains would be the equivalent of a food connoisseur eating ramen noodles and macaroni all the time (I have nothing against either food, both rock), and that to get the most out of each meal, it was only logical he consume more developed minds. In this case, that would clearly be his cohorts. So I would say it was less using bluff for mind control and more using bluff for tweaking an inherent racial flaw of the race.

>>1799594 God !jKivQN915w
>In that case I'm an idiot.
facepalm

SO....
Does anyone else have tales about bluff being used?

>>1799617

I BLUFF!

>>1799645

Roll.

>>1799680
...shit, I rolled a 1.

This one time we were imprisoned in a big one way dome that let you in but if you tried to leave you'd die, I got fed up with it and went to go find the most depressed guy in town, he stabbed himself in the heart rather than talk to me. . . . but the second most depressed guy in town I bluffed to test my theory that one could escape if one had their eyes closed . . . . he got disintegrated. . .

>>1799720

>>he stabbed himself in the heart rather than talk to me

Was your character very unattractive or is your DM just an idiot?

>>1799726
I remember being unattractive, and you are a funless faggot with no sense of humor.

>>1799734
OMG he stabbed himself in the heart rather than talk to you htats SO RANDOM xD LOL

>>1799759
smells like your neckbeard needs delousing, honestly, the aim of the game is to have fun, it is not intended to simply be a grim and dark ultra real escape from your pitiful joke of a life.

Stop taking things so seriously, and at any rate shut the fuck up, your point may possibly be valid to you, but no one else wants to hear it.

This one's usually a thread-ender, so brace yourselves.

I was DMing a campaign with some variant rules that gave the players a cr5 or less monster companion based off the Druid's companion rules. Anyhow, our Neutral Evil Cleric of Nerull (Whom we shall call "Chris") decided he grew bored of his character and wanted to make a new one. This left it up to me to kill off his character. So, one day while the halfling rouge (who we'll call "Jeremy") and his Cloaker companion were out exploring the little port town, they heard some screaming down by the docks. There, he found Chris and his Bearded Devil companion attacking an elderly couple because he wanted to take their boat. Chris and Jeremy have a short exchange and Jeremy leaves him to his work so he can round the building and sneak up on him.
When Jeremy gets in position, he finds the old man dead and the Bearded Devil is having his way with the old lady while Chris watched. After many disdainful OoG "Awwww"s and the like Jeremy sprung into action. Having his Cloaker moan on them, Jeremy succeeds in nauseating all of them, the old lady included. So Chris is doubled-over with illness while the bearded devil and the old lady are vomiting on each other. Jeremy uses this time to Sneak Attack the hell out of Chris, killing him and making the Devil disappear. With that, Jeremy merely dusted his hands, cut the rope holding the boat to the docks, and left the old lady on the ground violated and traumatized. Job well done.

It doesnt quite compare to the rest of the thread, but once when I was a neutral evil sorcerer with everything I had funneled into CHA and diplomacy skills, I managed to talk the lawful good paladin of the party into suicide with a well-rolled 20.
The guy playing the pally looked like he wanted to kill me when he failed his saving throw. The GM just sat back laughing his ass off.

Copypasta:

Allow you to tell you the story of my favorite character of all time. A neutral evil Human Sorcerer who had max ranks in Profession (Lawyer) since game one.

He was a scrawny man, tall and lanky. Fine black hair and the like, and the traditional evil goatee, And yes, he did stroke it occasionally.

Well, It all started when the party went to a little farming village who's average IQ was likely on par with a jar of mayo... On the way out, my Lawyer had a brilliant idea to get some money... The only shop in town is essentially a pawn shop, so I go out to the fields and pick up a few rocks... I cast Light on them... And bring them back to the shop as "Health Stones, As long as you carry one, you'll never grow ill! Look at how they glow!" The moron gobbled it up because the town didn't know I was a spell-caster of any acclaim.

That was the start of it..

Second major evil act of mine was using my characters extensive expertise in the law to force a Ma & Pa style Inn to sell to him otherwise he was going to have the place seized for owed taxes... He then turned it into a whore-house... And then burned it down for the insurance money.

After that the party Paladin got fed up with my way and challenged me to a duel of blades, I accepted and surrendered quickly.. And then using my insanely high charisma I convince the Paladin that I've changed my evil ways, that I'll give it all up... So, he allows me to buy him a drink... Next thing he knows, he wakes up in a motel room with a dead hooker on the floor, and outlawed narcotics on the nightstand.

I retired the character shortly thereafter, going off the RP reason that he went into hiding to avoid retribution from the Paladin's Order.

Good times..

>>1799800
It may be copypasta, but holy fuck its great

>>1799787
Part 2
It was around that time where the NG Human Druid (Collin will be his name) came stumbling about after a long stay at the pub. Seeing the horrified old woman and the boat lazily drifting out to sea, he took a dramatic pose and said "Don't worry, Ma'am. I'll save your boat!" And then proceeded to run full-tilt towards the docks to try and long-jump onto the deck of the ship. He fails miserably and lands in the water. Mind you he's currently wearing a breastplate made of Green Dragon scale. So, before he sinks like a rock, he manages to struggle long enough to call his Griffin companion which swiftly scoops him out of the bay and land him on the deck of the ship. There, he proceeds to wheel the ship around and crash it through the dock before weighing anchor and getting off. He then comes across the Old woman. Seeing that she's covered in various... substances, he decides its a good idea to clean her up. So, he carries her into the water and proceeds to shake her about the water almost violently while she is flailing and screaming wildly. Another job well done, Collin carries her to shore, leaves her there and stumbles away.

>>1799787 rouge
fail

>>1799828
the irony is that my spellchecker will never pick up that typo

>>1799834
That's because Rouge is a word.
Just a word with a totally different meaning than Rogue.

I wish I could say that I had awesome tales of Bluff checks, since I enjoy playing characters with maxed out interaction statistics and trying to use my wit instead of my blade.

Unfortunately, to my DM a Charm Person spell is Dominate Person, a Suggestion spell is Dominate Person and a successful Bluff check is Dominate Person. Unless any of the above would conflict with his stupid plot or make him reveal something prematurely. In which case it wasn't. One of his most common complaints against us (me) was, "You were supposed to kill them all. not capture them for interrogation."

And you could *never* trick his characters into slipping up and revealing something, either. I could lie to them (because you can't really argue with a 35 Bluff check) but never force them to make a Freudian slip and reveal something potentially useful. He suffered from this complex DMs get where they make all their NPCs as intelligent as they are; in other words, "if I wouldn't fall for it, neither would they".

tl;dr Crappy DM haet Bluffs.

So, I was playing a sorceror (wierd how many sorcerors have stories to tell), dragon heritage, blah blah. I was also neutral evil in a primarily chaotic good group. Which quickly shifted to chaotic. Then chaotic evil. I was so proud.

Lets see.. we broke into a local corrupt magistrate's house to kill him for some reason or another, and after we'd murdered him and his gargoyles, a platoon of warforged show up at the door. We blockade the door, but they've seen us, and we know even if we get away they'll chase us down. So I turn to the rest of the group, and talk very loudly.

"Mwuhaha! Our plan has worked perfectly! These potions of disguise self will fool the simple warforged into believing that these poor adventurers are the culprits! They will never suspect us, the Emerald Claw, of this deed!"

Natural 20. We escape, and read in the Sharn Inquisitive that a massive manhunt is on for members of the Emerald Claw who killed a magistrate.

Sometime later, after comitting a further series of crimes that we got away with (extortion, arson, theft, all completely justified), we were in fact arrested for crimes we didn't comitt! I, as a known sorceror, was locked up in a room with an anti-magic field, which pretty much negated anything I could do. I had spells, spell-like abilities, and wands. So, after testing that all of these weren't working, I turned to the guard with a panicked look on my face. "Do all magics fail here? That's all that's keeping... me... alive.." Fall down, play dead. 19 on the dice, action dice for 6. Guard drags me out of the room, fetches a medic. I summon a fiendish monstrous centipede and ride it to freedom. The rest of the party made their own way out.

>>1799317
>>1799318

Awesome. I wanna know though, how the hell did you end up fighting BLACK Ethergaunts? Those guys are hella powerful.

>>1800640

>>1800640
>I summon a fiendish monstrous centipede and ride it to freedom.

Right here. This is where the story went from amusing to awesome.

I had a warforged fighter with swords for limbs, a keg of beer in his chest that dispensed via nipples, saved Hitler, killed LBJ and JFK, and committed 9/11 in a green van.

Top THAT, motherfuckers.

>>1800727
At that point, we had just crested into epic levels, so Black Ethergaunts were appropriate. They definitely made our Wizard BAWW about their ability to absorb lvl 6 and under spells. Also, I had previously shwon our DM that topic on.... I think it was Gleemax, I lost the link, that expanded on ethergaunts, adding extra items and types, so he had them set up to be a bit more ominous, than normal.

>>1800851
For some reason, I always love Summon spells. Mostly useless. Except the time when our airship got knocked out of the sky, I rode a celestial bumblebee to land, then sent celestial dolphins to save everyone. I have a lot of really good memories about that game.

Our cleric rolling a -26 for move silently. It was decided he had a Move Silently Siren. Our discussion that concluded that since babies are evil, dead babies go to hell. Zombies with brain cannons. Derailing the entire campaign in my first session with "Diplomatic Bull-grappling". Constantly blaming the Emerald Claw for everything. Our Warblade having an ongoing fued with paper. My grandmother is a dragon. Bugman! needs oxygen. And Bob Gnoll. Who became a major plot point.

I need to convince that guy to GM again.

>>1801085
I came.

First off, does Bluff count as a mind-affecting effect for purposes of immunity? My rules-lawyer DM said it did, but it doesn't make any sense. Yay useless 34 Cha.

Anyway. I was in an epic-level party, playing in Eberron. (Half-Drow many-classed Dragonmarked of Lyrandar. NOT DRIZZ'T) As the DM lurves psionics, we were in Sarlonia for fuck-all of the campaign, until we left to go to my Xendrik, at my insistance. We hated Sarlona. Hated it so much.

Fast forward, we beat up Pazuzu, the demon lord of all that is evil and flying. He didn't get to act. We had two wizards, and they both cast Time Stop at least once.. Lawls. So he's dead and we claim the 503rd layer of the Abyss for our own, until another player speaks up. He tells us, from reading Hordes of the Abyss like nine times, that it's only a matter of time before other demon lords start vying for control of the place. We reluctantly accept that we can't take them all, so we leave. As we step through the teleportation circle, I turn around and shout "AND TELL 'EM THE INSPIRED SENT YA!". Roll 20, action points makes it 70 even. It was the last meeting of the campaign, but I hope they bring the pain.

As an interesting side-note, I commited Pazuzu's soul to Vulkoor. Forcefully. As a gift.

>>1802171
>>First off, does Bluff count as a mind-affecting effect for purposes of immunity?

I'm 99% certain it doesn't. Mind-affecting means only magical shit, and bluff is one hundred percent natural.

>>1800640
A++

>>1798906
A++

>>1799317
>>1799318
holy shit A+++

>>1799353
nice A+

>>1799800
but profession doesn't work like that. still A+

Hmm, we seem to be tapped out on Bluff stories, maybe we should swing this open to other verbal feats of expertise, such as intimidating.

*Ahem*
I was asked to play in a campaign that was going to be, and I quote, 'totally serious' No tongue in cheek supported or even allowed, which struck me as pretty restrictive. So, I rolled up a Halfling Monk who, while tiny was allowed to take the Powerful Build feat at character creation, which meant I had a mean, muscled mighty midget. As the game progressed, played a totally serious character, eventually progressing into a few levels of reaping mauler, all the while roleplaying very well and being a good party member.

Then I progressed into Drunken Master, and decided on a rather odd improvised weapon: My teeth. Now I know that this might not sound like an improvised weapon, but halflings have no bite attack, so I got OKed, and now had an angry and bulky midget who was prone to grappling you and biting with devastating effects when drunk.

So we have fought our way to a mid-boss of sorts, a.... Half-Giant Barbarian, I think, and we did wage a most righteous battle. I am absolutely shitfaced in the fight, so my strength is through the roof, and I decide, fuckit, I'll grapple the Half-Giant. I make the roll with ease, and now am faced with an epiphany, as follows:

CONT

>>1804409
cont.

DM: You have successfully grappled the Half-Giant, now-
Me: How tall is he?
DM: What?
Me: How tall is the Half-Giant I am grappling?
DM: Let's say he is seven feet tall.
Me: I'm all of three feet tall, so how can I be grappling him?
DM: .....Stop looking for realism, its a damn game. The dice say you are good so roll with it.
(If you can't tell, this is where things went horribly awry for him)
Me: ...Allright, because I am proportionately half his height, my head should be around crotch level on the Half-Giant, since a leg tackle would be the only thing I could do, right?
DM: Well, I guess-
Me: I Bite off his balls in a drunken rage.
DM: Wha-
Me: My mouth is right there, we have already established I am a vicious biter when drunk, and I have him grappled. You even described him as having a loincloth, so there is no way he has armor enough to stop this.
DM: But-
Other party members, laughing their asses off: Dude, just go with it!
DM: Fine.

So, from then on, my signature move would be biting foes balls off in a drunken rage. It got so bad that when we got to the BBEG's lair, and he was taunting us from the top of the keep, I rolled an Intimidate check, basically saying I was here for his balls and there was nothing he could do to stop me.

There was a pause, an agonized scream, and a ball-sack was tossed down. I promptly grabbed it and walked away, leaving the party forever.

And that is the story of how I intimidated a BBEG into cutting off his own balls.

Not my story, but from a session my old group had:

The party is running a puzzle-heavy campaign, 3 PCs. They are at a door possessed with an evil spirit. The door can only be opened by making the door speak its own name twice.

So the Wizard asks it its name, and the door, with no qualms says "Kathoolahoo(not to be confused with Cthulu)." After several minutes of thinking, the Rogue makes a Bluff check:
Rogue: Knock Knock
Door: Who's there?
Rogue: Kathoola
Door: Kathoola who? Dammit!

>>1804416
Oh fucking Christ that's epic.

>>1804416
I don't believe this actually happened.

>>1800640
Jesus Christ. I am now going to have to play a Sorcerer when my current character dies. If nothing else, then just to be able to ride monstrous centipedes everywhere. It might even be better then playing my current Barbarian with a limestone fetish.

>>1805099
>Barbarian with a limestone fetish

For some reason, when you said that, I automatically suspected some seriously fucked up home brew prestige class.

>>1805118
wat. Just. wat.

...how would that even work?

Epic thread. Here's my best.

It's our GM's first game, and he's a wacky one, so things've gone a bit off. The party wizard was infatuated with his donkey(provoking cries of 'BENJAMIN!' in every round of combat), the bard turned undead(deathtouched template)by accident, the dwarf picked up an ooze template somehow, and the druid was geased for gust of wind'ing another druid into a tyrannosaurus rex.

So yeah.

The main plot has us picking up items attuned to certain gods and occasionally talking to them, and wouldn't you know it, the rogue picked up a belt dedicated to Olidammara. When we were captured by the goblin army in the typical DM railroad plot. Basically, we were left to talk to the goblin guards as we travelled. Of course, we wanted to play with their minds in hopes of escaping, so we let the rogue talk to them. His first shot?

"Undead shit pies!"

A 31 on the bluff meant that Olidammara's ears perked and sad noises started coming from the (undead)bard's cage.

>>1804683
Awesome, just awesome

Me and my party got dragged into gladaitor match and Me being (a palidin) came along to make sure they didn't hurt themselves.

Any way two gates on opisite sides of the ring open in one a gaint fiendish stag beetle enters and in the other a gaint fiendish spider.

For some reason I am the only one who goes after the spider and everyone else ditchs me for the stag beetle. I go up and begin owning up the spider.

But then the spider traps me in a web net and deals me 23 damage to me.

HERE IS WHERE IT GETS EPIC

Our wizard runs over and casts some frost spell on the web. I then roll a stangth check to break free. I get a 16 and the glass shatters. I then roll a grapple check and get a 22.

With me now grabing the spiders leg I then ask the DM if I can roll a climb check he lets me and I pass.

I climb up onto the spiders back and the spider starts bucking I have to roll a ride check and get a 27 (I have 15 ranks in it) I then rool an attack an get a natural 20.

The DM's discription

You plunge your blade into the spiders eye it whales as you wrench it from the eye socket it collapses dead.

Walking up to the wizard I say "That is how we do it in our order." and walk away dramatically.

>>1805318
Would have been more epic if you beat the spider soundly about the head until it consented to be your mount. As a paladin, you're allowed to consort with evil as long as you are trying to bring it to the side of Good...

>>1805340
I am waiting till I can get the dragon mount feat to be even more bad ass than I already am

>>1805352
Dragonmounts are overdone. Go with something more unique, like a hyppogryph or a wyvern.

>>1805369
I thought about a wyvern but there choatic the only way I could get one is if I redeemed it (book of exalted deeds) which can only be done to intelligant creatures.

>>1805382
Axiomatic Wyvern?

>>1805382
Thats the problem with palidins they are limited to lawful good or nuetral good mounts

>>1804964
You would likely scoff at any group I play in (or the rare occasions I DM) I don't try and derail campaigns per say, so much as find ways to make them more entertaining.

>>1805382
>>1805369
Wyverns are just armless dragons, anyway.

>>1805393
How about a Celestial Purple Worm with Boots of Flying?

>>1805464
They're also extremely stupid and have little to no magical properties. And a poisonous spike on its tail.

>>1805464
What about a Couatl?

They may not be a dragon but they're still a flying reptile.

Alright. This isn't DnD, and I've already mentioned this story, but fuck it. Superhero campaign. I get a call from the android that there's something wrong with the room he's in. I Open the door to check and, lo and behold, I've been transported to Hell. So throughout the course of our journey to escape, I have to explain spiritual symbolism to the robot, who thinks that everything should function exactly like the physical realm (i.e. flying over Styx instead of taking the ferry). He also thinks that everyone is so very helpful.

After a while we make it to a courtyard with a lake of burning sulfur in the middle. Some Malebrange (pitch fork demons) come after us. I HAPPEN to speak Enochian, the language of the angels, so I roll a bluff check as I scream something to the effect of "I was sent by He who would have you do His will. If you so much as dare to strike one of His messengers, His wroth shall be poured upon you." Nat 20. I bullshitted a bunch of demons into thinking I'm an emissary of Satan. They bow, scrape, and get the fuck out of my way.

>>1805483
tame it through physical superiority, what better way to show you own someone than to sexually assault them in a way that'd break their minds. Any arguements claiming a paladin wouldn't do something like that can be debunked by saying "well I'm doing it to bring them to the light".

Some other funny stories include the time I rolled a nat 20 on a seduction check using the line "But if you don't sleep with me, the aliens will come get you."

I say there is nothing more badass than a palidin on a silver dragon clashing in mid air with a black guard on a blackdragon sure it may be an over played over powered combination but hey in the end its all about effectiveness so

>>1805369 can go ahead and keep your wyver, hyppogryph, because a dragon one of the most powerful creatures in the game and a palidin the second most powerful class in D&D combine forces evil should clench its ass.

>>1805540
Dragons? Paladins? Powerful? You're either trolling or... or...

Oh. You're trolling. Carry on then.

>>1805533
A funny story is when a squirrel rolled a grapple check on our cleric and on his stregth check to pull it off and 1 and he had a negative 2 modifier. He spent a day with it attached to his face.

>>1805564
HA HA you've sunk my battle ship

Try a celestial dire tyrannosaurus mount.

>>1805662
I vote use the animals in op as mount. Both at once.

>>1805861

I'd like to mount the animals in the OP pic, if you know what I mean.

BUMP!

>>1805887
In what order, in what manner? Come on, spell it out completely for us as a step by step guide.

Do we archive here? I feel we should archive this.