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    File :1217669830.jpg-(52 KB, 590x738, Commissar Motivational Poster.jpg)
    52 KB Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)05:37 No.2284586  
    Interrogation and imprisonment by the Inquisition after accusations of heresy. His loyalty was in question, his reputation ruined. Nope, this wasn’t where Commissar K59 had seen himself on his 40th birthday. And now he was even calling himself K59, like his interrogators. It wasn’t possible that he was becoming more like them, however. He had already been just like the kinds of people who had been torturing him for weeks now, and he imagined that was the reason he was here. He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

    His toothless mouth formed a genuine smile, the skin cracking open and beginning to bleed again. K59 imagined that he looked like shit, but he had always looked like shit. Now he just had an excuse, and no matter what the interrogators said, he was still the Emperor’s piece of shit. No more, no less. Today it would all end, and he would receive either the benediction or the oblivion he craved. He trusted he would get what he deserved too, as long as he answered truthfully.

    Light assaulted his eyes and dirty skin, blinding him, as the darkness of his world was interrupted by the entrance of today’s interrogator. Pain had been nothing new to K59 even before they brought him here, and even if he died unforgiven he would breathe his last content that he was one tough motherfucker.
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)05:37 No.2284589
    He wondered if they would ask him that. Fucking his own mother was probably the only thing he *hadn’t* done in service of the Emperor. Nope, he had shot her in the face and been done with it. He wasn’t sure she had deserved it, but it was always his policy to be safe rather than sorry. That’s what she had taught him, Emperor rest her soul.

    “Stand, K59.” The voice that assailed his ears was a new one, somewhat more powerful and handsome than the twisted, inexperienced little bastards who had been violating him so far. Somebody new then. The disgraced Commissar wondered if this one would ask the right questions as he climbed to his feet. A pair of Inquisitorial Stormtroopers rushed into the cell and dragged him out, his feet brushing the floor as they followed the new torturer down the dark hallways. Piteous moans erupted as they passed, and K59 grinned again. Pathetic swine, they were.

    The Stormtroopers threw him into a room he had not been in before. It was nicer, it had less blood on the surfaces and the table in the middle of the room didn’t smell of vomit. He also noticed a curious lack of torture implements along the walls. That was just disappointing, thought K59 as he clambered wheezing to his feet. Beatings were useless. K59 had beaten weaker men than he to death and not gotten a word out of them.
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)05:45 No.2284616
    “Sir, K59.” He sat. The new torturer gestured for the two Stormtroopers to stand back, and they took positions at the back of the room. Their massive hellguns were charged. The Commissar laughed, a sick, wheezing, phlegmy sound. Were they afraid he would try to escape, after all the better opportunities he had already passed over? K59 sobered up and prepared himself for another round of mind games as the new guy sat down on the other side of the curiously clean table.

    “I am Inquisitor Schrodinger. I have a motto: if you lie to me, you will die. Maybe.” K59 felt the corner of his mouth twitch involuntarily. This man was funny! An out of place element in the fucked-up personality of a professional torturer. “If you tell the truth, you will be treated fairly.” He remained silent. K59 saw the opportunity he was being given and took it:

    “Maybe”. Schrodinger smiled.

    “I am impressed that your mental faculties remain so intact. I have been watching you, K59, and you have been treated most harshly by the harshest of my interrogators under the harshest of circumstances. Would you agree?”

    “Maybe”, replied a grinning K59. The Inquisitor smiled again, and the Commissar wondered what his game was.
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)05:45 No.2284618
    >He also noticed a curious lack of torture implements along the walls.
    Inquisitorial Interrogators almost never torture - not only is it messy and unreliable, what is mortification of the flesh to a demon-cursed heretic or foul mutant?
    No, nerve induction is their thing.
    Place your hand inside the box, heretic.
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)05:48 No.2284635
    I'm not hating it... Do continue.
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)05:58 No.2284663
    “I am impressed that your mental faculties remain so intact. I have been watching you, K59, and you have been treated most harshly by the harshest of my interrogators under the harshest of circumstances. Would you agree?”

    “Maybe”, replied a grinning K59. The Inquisitor smiled again, and the Commissar wondered what his game was.

    “I am not here to torture you, K59. You have survived this long, something most of my prisoners do not manage. During this time you have answered many questions in a manner that I believe was truthful, and your answers do not make you a heretic. Now you will answer my questions, and you will do truthfully”. K59’s always-working mind reached an interesting hypothesis:

    “Can you detect truth and falsehood, Inquisitor?”

    “Maybe. First question, are you prepared?”


    “Your initial charge was heresy for excessively harsh treatment of the soldiers under your command. Do you agree with the charge?”


    “Why is that?”

    “They deserved it. There is no room for mercy in the Imperium.”

    “None at all?” K59 shook his head.
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)05:58 No.2284666
    i smell a fursona coming on.

    fanfic and cats never end up well
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)06:02 No.2284677
    Schrodinger had a cat. The cat was not named Schrodinger.
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)06:03 No.2284682
    >>2284677Schrodinger had a cat

    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)06:04 No.2284685
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)06:05 No.2284691

    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)06:10 No.2284707
    This would be a lot easier if we just opened the damn box.
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)06:23 No.2284744
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)06:59 No.2284860
    Bump, for great justice. And so OP will get off his arse (or rather, stay on his arse) and post a conclusion.
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)07:06 No.2284875
    “The Imperium of Man cannot have emotion. The Imperium of Man must be as merciless and uncaring as those it fights. The Imperium of Man is not about the people that make it up, but the big picture, the entirety. If I execute a thousand men for cowardice and ten thousand men fight harder as a result, then I have won a great victory. If I execute a thousand men and nine hundred fight harder, I have received a minor defeat. As such, next time I execute a thousand men, I must ensure it is effectively placed so as to motivate the most men possible. It is by sacrificing what is actually the minority to empower the majority.”
    “Very well. I bring your attention to your graduation from your Schola. Your mother was present, and she was absent from the compulsory Ecclesiarchal service. You labeled her a heretic and killed her. Was that strictly necessary?”

    “No. But it’s better to be safe than sorry.”

    “Indeed. Now tell me, the incident on Puryhn. What is your justification for your actions?”

    “We were fighting the hordes of Slaanesh, that’s hard enough. One thing that I understood quickly about the faceless masses of the Imperial Guard is that individually they are strong, but in numbers they are weak. I interviewed each of the men in my regiment before leading them into the warzone to ensure there was no weakness Slaanesh could use against them. Of twenty five thousand men, I only executed forty six. And trust me Inquisitor, I have an eye for these things.”

    “I’m sure you do. Please continue.”
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)07:06 No.2284877
    “Once we were down there, everything went quite poorly. Colonel Harrys was the most incompetent officer I had the displeasure of serving with, and the poor fuckers that were his soldiers ended up on the ground out of position, without define supply and support lines, communications were fucked, our defensive perimeter was irregular, and it took four hours to correct everything to my satisfaction. If we had been attacked in force during that time, I would have been forced to shoot the Colonel, shoot his officers, and then shoot myself as the 117th died around us.”

    “But you –did- shoot the Colonel.” interrupted Schrodinger. K59 frowned.

    “I’ll get to that. The first enemy attack was a nightmare, and was obviously intended to wipe us off Puryhn in one fell swoop. Poison gases, unnatural fogs, insane magicks, daemons, traitors, I even spotted a few traitor Astartes.” K59 stopped to spit a rather sickly looking glob of phlegm on the floor. “Anyway, we were hit from everywhere. Every flank, from the ground and from the air, they attacked both our minds and our bodies. Once it was obvious that we were going to hold under the command of myself and that fantastic Lieutenant Himmel, the dread legions of Chaos fell back to try a different style of attack.”

    “If I may interject, K59: are you afraid of Chaos?”


    “Are you afraid of death?”


    “Then continue.” K59 began to feel that this was more of an interview than an interrogation, but continued nonetheless.
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)07:12 No.2284909
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)07:13 No.2284913
    This intrigues me...
    please continue
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)07:17 No.2284926
    >This pleases me
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)07:21 No.2284939
    ITT psychology of commissar
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)07:24 No.2284950
    No K59, you are the daemons.

    And then K59 was a zombie.
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)07:56 No.2285072
    “Right, so here we are having fended off this massive attack. We went down with just under 25,000 men, a full regiment. After this battle we were probably left with 16,000 soldiers fit for duty. The rest were too badly injured or dead, and I ordered that those unlikely to recover be given the Emperor’s Blessing. Colonel Harrys protested, but I told him that we would not win if we allowed useless men to drain the energy of useful men. It’s quite simple, but he continued to disagree. So I shot him in the face and took overall command.” The Commissar paused for a moment to give the Inquisitor a chance to comment, but when he didn’t K59 kept talking: “Anyway, I noticed quickly that there was this…gas…fog stuff permeating the entire planet. After a few days of being there, it caused hallucinations and nightmares. A few men started acting like Emperor-damned degenerate heretics, masturbating in public and fucking each other behind fuel stores. You’d better believe I gave them what they deserved and set a good example. I was getting the hallucinations too but like me, most men were strong enough.” K59 stopped, and began to look extremely angry. Schrodinger was genuinely taken aback by the depth of passion K59 obviously felt as he continued to talk:

    “I was getting these dreams, but I was setting an example. I was out there in the camp, walking the walls and the trenches, talking to the gun crews and giving the men a good pat on the back. I had the preachers working overtime, I was giving a speech every second I had to spare between running the army, I did everything I could. But as I said Inquisitor, individually men are strong. Together, they are weak.
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)08:00 No.2285088
    >this…gas…fog stuff
    >caused hallucinations and nightmares
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)08:01 No.2285091
    In b4 sergal commissar
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)08:12 No.2285129
    Speed it up, writefag!
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)08:27 No.2285167
    It all started on the seventh night, and we hadn’t seen a thing of the Slaaneshi the whole time. Then some nameless, pathetic officer in a gas mask that I had kept alive only because he had a head for numbers ran in and told me that the men were rioting. Apparently some son of a bitch had taken his bayonet and castrated Lieutenant Himmel, and everybody else had just taken it as a sign that it was time to betray everything they lived and stood for.” A tear began to run down K59’s dirty cheek, and he began to shake with rage.

    “I had planned for some sort of uprising, because I knew that I was stronger than most of these men. But when I looked out the window of my command office, I saw men running around doing nasty things, men I had trusted. They were eating each other, raping each other, covering themselves with mud and mutilating themselves.” K59 then began to laugh maniacally.
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)08:28 No.2285168
    “But I had planned for it! I trusted most of them men out there, but there were some I trusted more. Our regiment didn’t have a full supply of gas masks thanks to some cheap, incompetent shit in the Munitorum, but I had a couple thousand. Enough for the Stormtroopers and the most loyal men. Ones I thought deserved to live. Only a couple of minutes after all hell broke loose did these men organize themselves and carry out the orders I gave them: kill everything not wearing a gas mask. It was easy too. I ran outside with my bolt pistol and a chainsword and just got stuck into every man I could see. First guy I killed was busy taking a dick from his best mate. I probably should have been quicker about it, but I was a little pissed off at the time. I broke his mates spine and cut his legs off, then had his first mate watch him die before I cut him in half. His tears made me laugh so hard, I remember it. If there’s anything I take pleasure in, Inquisitor, it’s serving the Emperor. And you can’t serve the Emperor any better than you can killing heretics. Any time I made a heretic cry before he died left me in a good mood all day.

    Anyway, we won that battle. We didn’t win the one the next day, but I didn’t expect to. With only a couple of thousand men left, we didn’t have a chance against the Slaaneshi. We launched ourselves back into orbit before they could finish us off.”
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)08:38 No.2285205
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)08:40 No.2285210
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)08:45 No.2285217
    For the love of the emperor, MOAR!
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)08:50 No.2285229
    that's the end because the inquisitor shot him in the head for enjoying killing his own men. that's chaos right there.
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)08:53 No.2285234

    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)08:54 No.2285237
    ITT: Chaotic Good.
    >> wat 08/02/08(Sat)09:02 No.2285257
    Fuck YES. Hurry the fuck up!
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)09:02 No.2285258

    Lawful neutral. He had to obey his orders. Orders are law. That he enjoys his work has nothing to do with it. That he was fighting daemonic forces has nothing to do with it. He would have done the same if he was fighting the Tau, the supposed 'good guys'. Ergo, Lawful Neutral.

    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)09:04 No.2285260
    This whole story reminds me of 1984, only less depressing.

    My bet is that if K59 isn't offed by the Inq, he'll be offered a job.
    >> wat 08/02/08(Sat)09:07 No.2285272
    Truth. This guy is anything BUT chaotic. He's not only willing to die himself to serve the law, but he's willing to kill his friends and comrades without question.
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)09:13 No.2285294
    Archive this awsome³
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)09:14 No.2285295
    Having been silent for some time, Inquisitor Schrodinger spoke once more:

    “And that was your first battle?”


    “It was the first time you had killed people?”

    “Oh no, don’t forget: I killed my mother a few weeks before that.” Schrodinger looked thoughtful for several seconds, then asked another question.

    “Tell me about the time you went missing on Teron.” K59 frowned, then nodded.

    “Right, so as you know this was a few years after Puryhn. I was a little more senior now, a little more hard bitten. I was the senior Commissar in charge of the best soldiers I’d ever had the pleasure of serving with, the 57th Krieg Death Korps. Damn good men those ones, each and every one. They knew the meaning of sacrifice alright, they and I got along really well. Teron was a good, law-abiding Imperial city on the planet of the same name, as you know, and it was my pleasure to serve there. Until the Dark Eldar landed, I think I only executed fifty or so people. Damn good people.

    Anyway, the damn aliens started raiding the outskirts. I, to my discredit, assumed it was a small raiding force. I accompanied the two companies sent to secure the outskirts, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. The Eldar pulled the wool over our eyes nicely, and we fell for it. We thought it was just a few raiders, but as it turns out it was a damn big raiding force that those faggot aliens tended to muster. Our vehicles were gone before we could see what was going on, and the rest of us went to ground. They came from all over the place, skimming vehicles and jetbikes, tall, lanky pussies on hoverboards with spikes that cut heads off as they passed, soldiers that flew and some that ran along the ground. Crazy drugged-up half-dressed women with whips and the like.
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)09:14 No.2285297
    But these weren’t any soldiers, they were the Krieg 57th. They took cover, they set up the heavy weapons we still had left, and they started fighting for everything they were worth. The terrain was on our side, and I think the Eldar were forced to jump the gun for a reason I’ll get to later. Their grav-tanks had to go high to get any good shots on our men, because as it turns out the destroyed tanks were more use than they would have been intact. You’d be surprised how good cover a Leman Russ could be when the Emperor gives it his blessing.

    Anyway, their vehicles took a hammering and backed off pretty quickly. The problem was there were only about 140-something of us, and there were still nearly eighty very dangerous alien warriors attacking us. If I was with anybody else, even Cadians, we would have been fucked. But I wasn’t, this was the Krieg 57th.” K59 smiled, and his lower lip shook with genuine emotion: “One guy, Konarsk, grabbed a few mortar shells and jumped off a blasted tank into the middle of a bunch of their dancing warrior-whores. One las-pistol blast to one of those shells while he was still airborne and that’s one less squad of aliens we had to worry about.” K59's eyes lit up. “THOSE are the sorts of men the Krieg 57th were! I didn’t have to execute a one of them, they fought to the death and took more aliens than I could count with them. They shot and stabbed and when they were deprived of their weapons they kicked and bit, I didn’t have to execute a single one of them. One of them even bit an Eldar’s finger off!” K59 laughed uproariously, and the Stormtroopers at the back of the room traded looks. The prisoner they had been mistreating for the last few weeks still made them nervous.
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)09:19 No.2285311
    MOAR, and ARCHIVE!
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)09:24 No.2285321

    Very well done writefag. Seems you adapted from porn fanfics to serious business pretty well.
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)09:28 No.2285323

    Now MOAR.
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)09:29 No.2285324
    Schrodinger leaned forward, interested in what he knew came next in the tale: “What happened next, K59?” The Commissar sobered up, and continued.

    “Well, we were taken. Myself and about seven others. We were all that had survived, we fought that hard. I’m ashamed to this day that I never got the chance to kill my men and then myself before we were captured, but I admit that the Eldar were just faster.” He mimed the action of placing a gun to one’s head then having it pulled out of his hands. “But I wasn’t having any of that, my men didn’t deserve it. The last thing I had done before they took us was spat out one of my teeth, one of those expensive ones that explode on a timer. Nobody knew I had one, but by the Emperor I never knew they exploded like that.” K59 nodded. “Killed the last living men among those brave two companies I led into battle, all seven of them. Best tooth I ever bought, and I saw the thanks in their eyes just before it exploded. It was the least I could have done.
    >> Random Writefag !Z9IbNzTANQ 08/02/08(Sat)09:30 No.2285325
    write it all at once in one post, then split it up and post it all at once.
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)09:32 No.2285328
    There were no more tricks up my sleeve, however. I was taken, tortured, torn apart and put back together, taken to the brink of death and all the way back”. K59 leaned back in the chair with a look of pure satisfaction on his face. “They taught me the meaning of pain, which is the reason your torturers didn’t get much satisfaction of me. The Eldar were rather surprised too, you wouldn’t believe how much effort –their- torturers put into making me scream. And scream I did, but I never broke. The Emperor blessed me, and while I had lost track of time I was eventually busted out. The rest of the 57th came after me, and as it turns out the Eldar had just tortured me out of spite: they never got the chance to take me off-planet. Eventually they were found by those brilliant bastards of the 57th. The Eldar tortured me for three weeks straight, and all I have to show for it is this damned phlegm!” As if to underline the point, he spat another globule of the stuff onto the floor.
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)09:38 No.2285346

    Wow, Guardsmen can be real assholes.
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)09:41 No.2285355
    “They left me in top notch shape after a few months with the finest surgeons money could buy. The 57th spared no expensive in rounding up the best care Teron had to offer, but I’m getting ahead of myself here: back to how the Death Korps busted me out.” Once again, K59’s face lit up. The skin around his eyes creased as he smiled wider than the Inquisitor had seen any man smile. “When the Guardsmen found me, the Eldar torturers were still at work on me. I remember listening to the aliens scream as those fantastic sons of bitches got creative with all the gear they found in the room. Music to my ears. I even got the honour of watching some of it and by the Emperor, when I say creative, I mean –creative-! It was brilliant, there was this clever young lad named Belski, he was a medic. He knew more about human and alien anatomy than any I’ve ever met, he was a real brain. He had-“ the story paused as K59 laughed uncontrollably, “-he had this weird contraption they had been using on me that repairs flesh that it is used on. Belski was having a fantastic time seeing how far it worked. He was popping the thing’s eyeballs and fixing them, digging holes in him, burning him, it looked like great fun. I was a tad blinded by pain at the time, but I think Belski knew cheering me up was the best thing he could do for me. When he chopped off the xenos’ dick and forced it down his throat I think he found the limits of the little contraption, but it was great while it lasted.
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)09:42 No.2285356
    So yeah, I woke up quite a while later in a hospital. But there was nobody there. I hobbled out of my bed and found that the doctors had done a real good job with me, which was always good. I grabbed the greatcoat some good soldier had left me and wandered out onto the street. The whole area was deserted from what I found, though I could hear fighting in the distance.”

    “Why was it deserted?” the Inquisitor asked.

    “Something to do with a plague zombie outbreak. The Krieg was busy killing them and decided that zombies being zombies I would be safe enough by myself. The civilians had all run for it, bunch of cock-eaters to a man. I had all of them killed once they got back, even those talented doctors. What’s the use being a genius if you don’t have the guts to use it when it’s needed? The Imperium doesn’t need talent, it needs talent backed by loyalty.”

    “How many people did you have executed?” K59 looked thoughtful.

    “Let’s see…about forty six thousand.”

    “That didn’t seem excessive?”

    “Perhaps it might, when you consider the drop in productivity the area suffered in the weeks it took to repopulate the area. But you have to look beyond that, Inquisitor. Productivity doubled after we left, because people were too scared to fuck up. And when the Orks invaded a few years later, the civilians fought back so hard that the Ork advanced was considerably slowed before some Space Marine chapter finished the job. That’s the sort of loyalty, the sort of Imperial citizen that you get if you kill the right people.”
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)09:42 No.2285359
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)09:42 No.2285360
    “Good. Now tell me, Commissar K59-“

    “You’re calling me Commissar now?”

    “Don’t get ahead of yourself and don’t talk back, I can have you killed at any time. Now tell me about the failed diplomatic actions near Medusa.”

    “That one’s easy. When I got there, the Imperial commander was in peace talks with the Tau. Something about sharing possession of the livable systems in the vicinity, I didn’t bother finishing the report he gave me. My first idea was to march down to his office and blow his brains out, but I had a better idea.” The Inquisitor raised his eyebrows. “Oh yes, it was my brains behind all of it. Tau Fire Warriors and Imperial Guardsmen solidifying their relationship with a join training exercise? What a wonderful idea!” K59 grinned his toothless grin, and pointed a finger toward the roof: “Ah, but no prizes for guessing whose Guardsmen took part in the exercise. Krieg 57th, those blessed bastards never once failed me. Once the joint maneuvers started, the Krieg blew near two hundred Tau to the Warp. I had the artillery completely annihilate the observing Ethereal and the Tau Command Cadre, and then I walked into the Imperial commander’s office and plastered his brains all over the wall! That was a fine day, Inquisitor. Fine day indeed.”
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)09:42 No.2285361
    Well, they are Krieg guardsmen, cloned death-fanatics of the Emperor, serving and dying to absolve their world of the stain of heresy and rebellion.
    And these xeno shits took a fucking COMMISSAR prisoner for torture. Like hell, boys. Like hell. Show 'em what torture means.
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)09:43 No.2285363

    OP deleted posts to fix an error I guess.
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)09:46 No.2285368

    Just as planned.
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)09:46 No.2285369
    Saved it.
    Six pages in Times New Roman 12pt.
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)09:46 No.2285371
    Time paradox.
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)09:46 No.2285372

    Damn skippy. My respect for IG has gone up tenfold.
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)09:48 No.2285381
    Krieg + K59= RUN HERETICS RUN
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)09:49 No.2285386
    “Do you consider that diplomatic talks with the Tau may have been beneficiary to the Imperium in the Medusa system?”

    “Oh yes, definitely. However, xenos are only good to be used then disposed of. The Eldar in the area were highly antagonistic towards the Tau, and it was –their- help the Imperium needed in the system. So by fucking over the Tau we pacified the Eldar somewhat, though they hardly trusted us. But that’s okay, because we fucked over the Eldar too. The end justifies the means, Inquisitor.”

    “Is that your motto?”

    “What? I’ve already told you my motto: Better safe than sorry.”

    The Inquisitor leaned forward, steepling his fingers. K59 assumed that now he would found out what this is all about.

    “Have you ever heard of an Inquisitorial Commissar, K59?”

    “There’s no such thing.”

    “Exactly.” Not sure what he meant, K59 stayed silent.

    “There’s a saying where I come from: the only thing harder than dying for a belief is killing one’s mother for it.”

    “Well that’s convenient then.”
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)09:50 No.2285391
    “Indeed. Now, I have heard all of these things about you. Now I need you to prove something to me.” K59 nodded interestedly.

    “Are you willing to die for the Emperor?”


    “Prove it.”

    “But you can detect lies.”

    “Prove it anyway.” K59’s mind whirred. He had no idea what the Inquisitor was getting at, but he would be damned if this bastard didn’t believe that he would die for the Emperor.

    “Give me a gun then.” Schrodinger immediately un-holstered his bolt pistol and slid it across the table. K59 picked it up, and put it to his head.

    “Is it loaded?” Inquisitor Schrodinger smiled.


    K59 chortled, and pulled the trigger.


    To: Inquisitorial High Lord, Terra
    From: Lord Inquisitor-Interrogator Schrodinger , Clearance Alpha-minus
    Subject: K59
    Priority: High
    Message format: Delayed astropath feed
    Received: 999.M41

    Thought for the Day: Better safe than sorry

    Message Body:

    He passed.
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)09:51 No.2285392
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)09:52 No.2285395

    >“Is it loaded?” Inquisitor Schrodinger smiled.

    I lol'ed
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)09:52 No.2285398
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)09:53 No.2285401
    Well played, good sir. Saved, would read again.
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)09:54 No.2285405
    Vote it up on the archives bitches. Perhaps save somewhere.
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)09:56 No.2285411
    A friend of mine would like this.
    I'll give him a copy.
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)09:56 No.2285414
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)09:56 No.2285415

    Give 1d4chan a copy too.
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)09:57 No.2285417

    Don't jynx it you fucker.

    Enjoyed it OP.
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)09:59 No.2285420
    Krieg 57th...

    Soldier Fanatics of the God Emperor
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)10:03 No.2285426
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)10:03 No.2285427
    A bit more than 7 pages...
    8 pages TNR 12pt total.
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)10:04 No.2285429

    It was about 9 pages for me.
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)10:09 No.2285439

    1. Open that word file.
    2. Copy.
    3. http://1d4chan.org/index.php?title=K59&action=edit
    4. Paste.
    5. ?????
    6. PROFIT
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)10:13 No.2285441
    OP, you are awesome. Plain and simple.
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)10:15 No.2285442
    First 40K write fiction I've been able to read properly and enjoy without getting bored.
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)10:15 No.2285443
    OP, thank you very much for an awesome thread before I went to bed.
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)10:19 No.2285451
    You could work for GW with this.
    >> SAGE MCSAGINGTON 08/02/08(Sat)10:21 No.2285456
    By the Emperor that was fucking awesome.

    What's his real name?
    Commissar Fuckwin? Commissar Titanium Balls? Or just Commissar?
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)10:21 No.2285458
    I'm glad you all enjoyed it, now I'm off to bed.
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)10:22 No.2285461

    His name is K59. That is all it needs to be.

    But if it had to be anything, Commissar Manlee Vandermassive McFuckhuge.
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)10:23 No.2285463

    Sleep well, he who brought us K 59.
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)10:25 No.2285468
    This story would go well with a certain chan. It must be saved for future generations of fuckwin Commissars.
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)10:41 No.2285510
    thats fucking awsome im gona draw some illastrations for this
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)10:56 No.2285552
    Thank you OP
    You have just made my day
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)11:30 No.2285690
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)12:55 No.2285994
    someone make this shit a movie!
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)13:07 No.2286022
    Don't. We all remember what happened last time someone tried to make a 40k movie.
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)13:31 No.2286122
    Bump for greatness.
    Long live the Emperor!
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)13:58 No.2286220

    yeah, I've never understood why illegal torrents of the Damnatus movie never got out.. anyone know where the makers live? = D
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)13:59 No.2286225
    Great story, my compliment, OP!
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)14:00 No.2286230
    Germany. Beyond that, not a fucking clue.
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)18:55 No.2287693
    I approve of this thread.
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)19:39 No.2287914
    K59 needs to be Drawfagged as soon as possible!
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)19:41 No.2287928
    Preferably chainswording some half-naked Eldar in the midst of the Krieg's RIP AND TEAR fest.
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)23:47 No.2289047
    Bump for drawfaggotry!
    >> Anonymous 08/02/08(Sat)23:59 No.2289110
    This thread has given me a +4 to manliness and a +10 to badass.
    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)00:00 No.2289113
    I love the Schrodinger references to "Maybe", and the question of whether or not there was a round in the bolt pistol.

    Brilliant stuff.
    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)00:05 No.2289134
    This shit kicked ass. Saving
    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)00:36 No.2289306
    this needs another bump
    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)00:36 No.2289307
    >the question of whether or not there was a round in the bolt pistol.

    I guess in the Imperium somebody passing a test does not mean they survived.
    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)00:57 No.2289456
    Nonono. I think he meant that the Commissar was unsure of whether or not the bullet was there, but pulled the trigger anyways, even though the Inquisitor said, "Maybe."
    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)00:58 No.2289457
    No, it doesn't.
    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)01:01 No.2289474
    I like to think K59 went on to live a long and healthy life.
    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)01:03 No.2289483
    the OP let it end with a feeling of unease, and you never know if he actually lives or dies.

    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)01:03 No.2289486
    and killed many heretical bitches.
    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)01:04 No.2289494

    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)01:04 No.2289495
    What is a "long and happy" life in the 40k world of GRIMNDARK?
    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)01:05 No.2289503
    >>2285355When he chopped off the xenos’ dick and forced it down his throat I think he found the limits of the little contraption, but it was great while it lasted.

    Give this man a medal.
    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)01:06 No.2289514
    If you tried, K59 would probably execute you, screaming something about "You need medals to prove your worth to the Emperor?!" And then he'd execute several people after that.
    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)01:21 No.2289625

    Maybe not, he has a real thing for the Krieg.
    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)01:22 No.2289634
    As a side note, the drawing from the OP Motivational is exactly how I imagine K59 when in uniform.
    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)01:24 No.2289646
    K59 has a raging hard on for the krieg
    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)01:27 No.2289669
    Who doesn't? They're a 12.0 on the 10 point scale of badassery
    >> sage Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)01:29 No.2289685
    Shit, so do I, and I don't even call myself gay.
    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)01:41 No.2289744

    Forgot your sage?
    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)01:42 No.2289752
    i think about them when i fuck my girlfriend

    o who am i kidding? i dont have a girlfriend....... so ronrey
    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)01:49 No.2289786
    So when do we get drawfaggotry of this ugly bastard with a crazy grin torturing dying Dark Eldar while Krieg go batshit around him?
    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)03:06 No.2290097

    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)03:15 No.2290152
    Sooner than we think. Drawfag seems interested.
    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)03:19 No.2290173

    Didn't he go to bed?
    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)03:26 No.2290200
    For a Commissar this guy's dialogue is extremely unbelievable in its low brow style. That's my only real negative point against it, as it prevented me from truly going onwards too heavily.
    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)03:37 No.2290253

    He does seem a tad unconventional however, even for a Commissar.
    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)03:51 No.2290296
    Best 40K fiction I've ever read.
    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)03:56 No.2290310
    Unconventional indeed. What's he being punished for anyway? Enjoying his work?
    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)03:57 No.2290318
    A number of summary executions so large it borders on mass murder, I'd assume.
    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)03:59 No.2290323

    >about forty six thousand

    And that was just early on in his career.
    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)04:28 No.2290425
    Bump, drawfaggits, etc.
    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)08:21 No.2291084
    Wonderful story. Bump for drawfags.
    >> DrawAnon 08/03/08(Sun)08:52 No.2291149
    Have no fear, drawfag is here!
    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)08:56 No.2291164
    Hurry the fuck up.
    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)09:02 No.2291177
    K59: if you absolutely, positively need to crush the enemy beneath HUGE BALLS. Manliness OVER 9000, about double the value of BRIAN BLESSED and GEORGE ZIMMER multiplied.

    >> DrawAnon 08/03/08(Sun)09:05 No.2291184
    Not so fast, Tim.
    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)09:08 No.2291190

    Make your time, good drawfag.
    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)09:11 No.2291196

    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)09:16 No.2291208
    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)09:20 No.2291220
    Bump for eventual awesome.
    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)09:30 No.2291245
    Needs a rewrite for bad grammar and structure, but good ending redeemed it.Not bad, not bad.
    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)10:46 No.2291457
    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)18:01 No.2292981
    So where is the drawfaggotry?
    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)18:02 No.2292986
    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)18:04 No.2293000
    i'm the bad drawfag, i wouldnt do this because my shitty skills wouldnt do justice to this character
    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)18:14 No.2293043

    How fast is fasT?
    >> DrawAnon 08/03/08(Sun)18:17 No.2293062
    Tommorow. I promise.
    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)18:22 No.2293084
         File :1217802164.png-(2 KB, 335x287, DrawfagSymbol.png)
    2 KB
    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)18:23 No.2293091
    God damn it you faggot.
    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)18:24 No.2293094
    It BETTER be done.
    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)18:24 No.2293097
    The fuck is keeping you from doing it today anyway?
    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)18:27 No.2293115
    Bump for faster drawfaggotry.
    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)19:14 No.2293325
    Bump for drawfaggotry.
    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)19:32 No.2293433
         File :1217806377.jpg-(169 KB, 780x694, Scarecron.jpg)
    169 KB

    "And dis is why we bring trolls!"
    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)19:39 No.2293458

    Scarecron making deals with the /tg/ mafia?
    >> Anonymous 08/03/08(Sun)19:47 No.2293495
    Faggots who don't think K59 is dead know nothing of the inquisition.
    >> Anonymous 08/04/08(Mon)02:11 No.2295092
    Faggots who think all inquisitors are use identical batshit-insane methods haven't read Eisenhorn.

    Don't get me wrong, all inquisitors tend to to be pretty batshit insane, but some are batshit insane in very unconventional ways. Like finding the hugest set of testicles they can find and forcing him to join the inquisition in some odd, roundabout fashion.
    >> Anonymous 08/04/08(Mon)02:45 No.2295287

    Very well, we await eagerly.
    >> Anonymous 08/04/08(Mon)05:21 No.2296133
    Bump for tomorrow.
    >> Anonymous 08/04/08(Mon)06:13 No.2296355
    >> Anonymous 08/04/08(Mon)06:51 No.2296460
    bump for good /tg/ lit
    >> Anonymous 08/04/08(Mon)07:16 No.2296536
    >> Anonymous 08/04/08(Mon)08:42 No.2296776
    Bump for Drawanon, HURRY UP OH LAWD
    >> Anonymous 08/04/08(Mon)09:25 No.2296868
    Is it tomorrow yet?
    >> Anonymous 08/04/08(Mon)09:47 No.2296908
    It's not often I can read fanfiction without cringing and wondering at what illiterate dumbfuck wrote it...thank you, Anon. My faith in the internet is restored.
    >> Anonymous 08/04/08(Mon)10:39 No.2297031
    that was fucking rad. well done fa/tg/uys for bumping this or i never would have read it
    >> Anonymous 08/04/08(Mon)10:43 No.2297036
    >> Anonymous 08/04/08(Mon)10:50 No.2297052
    I'm pretty sure Commisar BALLS killed himself.
    The whole "better safe than sorry" hinted pretty heavily towards that.
    >> Anonymous 08/04/08(Mon)10:52 No.2297059
    >Today it would all end, and he would receive either the benediction or the oblivion he craved.
    Protip: Emperor's Benediction = Mercy Killing.
    K59 is dead.
    >> Anonymous 08/04/08(Mon)10:54 No.2297066
    >> Anonymous 08/04/08(Mon)10:58 No.2297092
    >> Anonymous 08/04/08(Mon)11:07 No.2297144
    That's more commonly referred to as The Emperor's Mercy. Benediction in this context, I think, would be 'found innocent'.
    >> Anonymous 08/04/08(Mon)11:11 No.2297161
    There is no such thing as innocence.
    >> Anonymous 08/04/08(Mon)11:12 No.2297168
    Found 'not negligent or wasteful', then.
    >> Anonymous 08/04/08(Mon)11:14 No.2297183
    But oblivion would be redundant then and the sentence would literally read. "He would either receive the happy oblivion he craved or oblivion oblivion that he craved."
    >> Anonymous 08/04/08(Mon)11:38 No.2297304
    They took the humor out of 40k. So now are you taking the GRIMDARK out of it? You garner the attention of the Inquisition in any way shape or form and you die. IG helps an inquisitor get rid of an infestation of chaos from a city? Purge all the guardsmen to make sure they haven't been corrupted. There's a backwater planet devoted to chaos? Purge the entire fucking system. Space Marine chapter is under suspicion of having gene-seed degradation? Purge.
    Inquisitor Lord Karamazov killed a preacher who Thorians and the Ecclesiarchy thought may have been the next vessel of the Emperor because he was -too- good. This was after months of interrogation of course and judgement was found just before thorian forces were about to attack Karamazov's stronghold.
    There is never an instance where an Inquisitor says, "Oh sorry, I must have been wrong all this time. Please go about your business." No. Inquisitors don't apologize they kill. Now does this make them good or in the right? Probably not. Does this make them fair? Hell no. But K59s motto of Better Safe Than Sorry is the motto of the inquisition as a whole.
    I figured it was death with the Emperor's graces or the death of a heretic and traitor.
    >> Anonymous 08/04/08(Mon)11:46 No.2297334
    So you don't think he'd crave death+forgiveness more than just death?
    >> Anonymous 08/04/08(Mon)11:52 No.2297354
    >Pain had been nothing new to K59 even before they brought him here, and even if he died unforgiven he would breathe his last content that he was one tough motherfucker.

    He's a bad ass motherfucker. He didn't care which was given to him, the death of a loyal servant of the emperor or the death of a traitor. I think he was just tired of all this mucking about. I'm sure like anyone he'd prefer death as a Commissar but at this point he didn't care. At least that's my opinion.
    >> Anonymous 08/04/08(Mon)12:24 No.2297470
    what would happen if Uzgob and K59 fought?
    >> Anonymous 08/04/08(Mon)12:33 No.2297523
    I don't mind the Grimdark, it's all the stupidity that rankles me. Even comeing up with a new weapon spec that will sweep the xenos from the system will get you and all your co-workers killed by the tech-priests and the plans burned. I think the Imerpium should of been crushed long ago due to its own sstupidity, hatred, all the exterminus and feeding of millions to golden boy's corpse. Yet it still stands to minis can be sold.
    >> Anonymous 08/04/08(Mon)12:41 No.2297561
    And that's why I like Thousand Sons.
    >> Anonymous 08/04/08(Mon)12:43 No.2297579
    Perhaps the most fail of all the CSM. Congratulations.
    >> Anonymous 08/04/08(Mon)12:45 No.2297589
    >> Anonymous 08/04/08(Mon)12:50 No.2297607
    The reasons you listed as stupid are the same reasons why the Imperium is still standing.

    New technologies are avoid because if every asshole with a lab coat starts messing around with their super science, the Imperium is eventually going to make something that fucks the shit out of themselves. Again.

    You want to know why the Imperium has Servitors and not robots? It's because the last time Humanity made full-on robots, they ended up with unstoppable metal horrors whose sole joy in their vile unlife was the murder of humans.
    >> Anonymous 08/04/08(Mon)13:09 No.2297694
    You say that the Imperium's hatred is unwarranted?

    Hatred of what? You're going to have to be specific here.

    Do you mean the hatred of Xenos? Were it not for the hatred of Xenos, humanity would have devoured, mind controlled, enslaved, and raped to death. Xenos which are not actively antagonistic towards humanity are so few and far between as to be non-existent.

    And before you even start, Tau would not be happy with any association with humanity that didn't leave all humans subservient to them.
    >> Anonymous 08/04/08(Mon)13:17 No.2297723
    And sterilised. Don't forget that.
    >> Anonymous 08/04/08(Mon)18:04 No.2299630
    So how's that drawfaggotry coming along, Drawanon?
    >> Anonymous 08/04/08(Mon)18:14 No.2299727
    And now, instead of robots, we have Space Marines whose sole joy in life is the murder of non-humans and humans alike. Seems like an improvement to me!
    >> Anonymous 08/04/08(Mon)18:23 No.2299798
    Indeed it is.

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