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  • /con/ is open for discussion of Otakon 2008.
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    56 KB Unknown Armies in Real Life Anonymous 08/16/08(Sat)17:57 No.2356939  
    Last year, I answered an ad for clerical work. When I got to the place, it turned out to a house - I've temped for home offices before, so the alarm bells didn't go off. I rang the bell, heard a yell to let myself in, and did so.
    The entire front room was full of sheets of plywood balanced on top of the actual (quite nice) furniture. On top of the plywood there were various papers - an entire lifetime's worth of mail and junk mail, scattered around, some open, most not. There was a pile of posters for rock shows and plays on the floor. A desk had been dragged in front of the fireplace. Moldering R. Crumb comics sat on shelves. The place smelled like dust. And then I met my employer.
    He told me to call him "Yancy". He wore a red plaid shirt, the same shirt he would wear every day I saw him, and his white hair and beard were a mess. We talked a bit, and he laid out the job he'd hired me for. He'd been living with his mother for decades (he was well over 60). She'd died recently, and the house would be turned over to his siblings, who I gathered were eager to kick him out. My job was to try and arrange the "records" (the mail) so he could turn them over to the family accountant, who would presumably do some kind of wizardry to save his ass. It didn't make a lot of sense to me, but not much about Yancy did, and I was bored and needed a job, so I figured what the hell. I was paid in cash every day.
    I stayed for three weeks. In that time I learned:
    - That Yancy had lived off his mother's pension and his own welfare checks.
    - That he ate dinner every night in the same bar - He was banned for two days and didn't know what to do with himself
    - He had a copy of a furious letter he had written to the creators of "Mad About You", of all fucking things, in which he denounced their 'racism' and said he was glad his mother hadn't lived to see this.
    >> Anonymous 08/16/08(Sat)17:58 No.2356943
    - Another letter, received from the government of Nevada, explaining that there had never been a two-for-one special at the Lipstick Ranch and they would not pursue prosecution for false advertising.
    - He had dozens promissory notes. God only knows who kept lending him money.
    - He had a daughter (maybe a niece) somewhere who he was apparently not supposed to see in person but who wrote to him pretty regularly.
    - He collected every word-find puzzle from the back of the paper, and said he had "proof" that they were repeating puzzles.
    - An entire room was filled with old (sixties-seventies) sci fi novels on makeshift shelves like the ones in the living room.
    - The basement, what parts of it weren't water-damaged or perpetually under construction, was filled with posters like those in the living room. Every day before dinner at the bar, he would collect all new posters off the poles in the artsy part of town. The collection went back years.

    I thought a lot of things about that job - It was sad, it was hilarious, it was a stern warning of what happens if you slack off too much. It wasn't until months into the new job I realized that Yancy was probably as close as I would ever see to an actual Adept.
    >> Anonymous 08/16/08(Sat)18:02 No.2356968
    Did he show you his proof on the puzzle thing? That sounds like an interesting line to examine.
    >> Anonymous 08/16/08(Sat)18:07 No.2356988
    I was pretty much stuck in smile-and-nod mode by that point.
    >> TSEG 08/16/08(Sat)18:13 No.2357021
    What /kind/ of adept?
    >> Anonymous 08/16/08(Sat)18:13 No.2357028
    Sounds like a Chuck Palahniuk novel.
    >> Anonymous 08/16/08(Sat)18:25 No.2357107
    I think that's the thing. He had such a jumbled (lol) life and so many different fixations, I don't think he would have qualified as an actual adept. He'd just be some crazy bastard.

    Although the obsessive poster-collecting does seem like a ritual action...
    >> TSEG 08/16/08(Sat)19:06 No.2357405
    So do I have the be the one to make a shoddy Adept/Ritual Mage class out of this, or will someone else pick it up?
    >> TSEG 08/16/08(Sat)19:06 No.2357406
    So do I have the be the one to make a shoddy Adept/Ritual Mage class out of this, or will someone else pick it up?
    >> Anonymous 08/16/08(Sat)19:11 No.2357433
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    ITT UA-ishly insane shit that happened to you IRL.
    >> Anonymous 08/16/08(Sat)19:20 No.2357494
    Yancy is no adept. Yancy sounds dim-witted, possibly insane. He and his kind are NOT to be tolerated. They are to be rounded up and exterminated to ensure the general public will not be exposed to hardship/awkward relations with persons of such. Furthurmore, the medical resources will be more available when not burdened by the mentally 'ill'. And if that were not reason enough, the genetic stability of future generations will be enhanced by weeding out the weak.

    Maybe I'm trolling. Or maybe I'm VERY serious.
    >> Anonymous 08/16/08(Sat)19:23 No.2357511
    >>Yancy is no adept.
    >>possibly insane.

    Do you even know how adepts work?
    >> Anonymous 08/16/08(Sat)19:27 No.2357531

    Protip: you were just troll'd.
    >> Stranger than fiction 1 Anonymous 08/16/08(Sat)19:39 No.2357602
    I live near a city called -removed- wherein there lives a woman (?) who appears to be in her 70's.

    So far, so not strange eh? Well, she has a beard that would put Gandalf to shame; not a few hairs on her lip as old women may suffer from, but a lengthy and carefully groomed beard in the tyle of the old circus/freak show 'bearded' lady.

    While this combines with her shockingly pale complexion and one eye being so clouded it appears white, in totality (chemical scarring can do that?), to make for a freakish and unnerving appearance that isnt what brings me to the conclusion that she belongs to or would fit in with the occult underground of UA.

    She wheels around a shopping trolley full of parking tickets, the kind you get issued in a multi storey, all of which the previous owners have give her. She only carries aroudn tickets that had time left on them.

    It has become something of a strange little tradition on one street where there are two interconnected multistory carparks to drop your ticket into her trolley as you leave- her usual haunt being on the street just outside. Quite why she compulsively collects them no-one knows why, but she will block the road with her trolley if she thinks you are keeping one of her tickets from her.
    >> Stranger than fiction 2 Anonymous 08/16/08(Sat)19:39 No.2357607
    The really wierd stuff:

    1.) She rarely speaks to anyone, there is a social worker that goes and trys to talk to here every week but has yet to get anything meaningfull out of here apart from that: She thinks she was born in 1893 and she misses someone called Jack; now she looks old, but my grandmother looks older than her.

    2.) She has been hit by cars aroudn town (she wanders across the road when its dark and seems to ignore traffic) and hospitalized four times now. She has made a complete recovery each time. The last such incident saw the driver who wasnt wearing a seatblet, fly through the window and break his neck when he swerved to avoid her (and failed to do so) and hit a wall.

    So, /tg/ i ask you: Batshit crazy old woman or an Adept that can siphon off the unused time from parking tickets to extend her own life?
    >> Anonymous 08/16/08(Sat)19:45 No.2357631
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    One of the number of crazy homeless people who haunt the main drag near my house is known simply as "The band-aid lady".
    She's covered in bandaids, all over her face hands and any exposed skin. They don't seem to actually be covering anything or have any actual purpose.
    >> Anonymous 08/16/08(Sat)19:54 No.2357689

    She died years ago.

    Now, she keeps herself alive through black arts; each plaster is inscribed with a potent ward drawn in the blood of a cat, designed to prevent death from claiming her.

    The plasters themselves are actually keeping her soul in her body, much as a patch keeps the air in a bike tyre; 'cause after a few hundred years the body tends to get a little leaky you know?
    >> Anonymous 08/16/08(Sat)20:46 No.2357911
    >> Anonymous 08/16/08(Sat)23:03 No.2358631
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    >> Drawde [Graveborn Acolyte] !F8wHraWURw 08/16/08(Sat)23:10 No.2358652
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    b) is there one of those for /tg/?
    >> Anonymous 08/16/08(Sat)23:17 No.2358674
    Get her to take you on as her apprentice.
    >> Anonymous 08/16/08(Sat)23:18 No.2358676
    I'm more curious about one for /b/.
    >> Anonymous 08/16/08(Sat)23:23 No.2358702
    Or /d/ and /tg/... Maybe one manly leg and the other more feminine, possibly with the zipper of a Guise of the Thespian?
    >> Anonymous 08/16/08(Sat)23:26 No.2358712
    having lived for a while in hollywood, and now living in chicago, i've come across a few crazies that might qualify as UA material

    So i'm stopped at a red light somewhere in hollywood when i look to my left. In a Del Taco parking lot is some lady who looked to be in her late 40s, with frizzy bleached hair, a red tube top, a black miniskirt, in a wheel chair, pulling her and her wheelchair around using the points of her high heels by way of tiny little steps. She appeared to be laughing hysterically. This happened during my 1st week in LA. On my last week in LA, i passed by the exact same lady this time in non-hooker clothes, still waddling herself forward with her heels in her wheelchair.

    more to come
    >> Drawde [Graveborn Acolyte] !F8wHraWURw 08/16/08(Sat)23:26 No.2358714
    Someone just told me /tg/'s had a chess piece.
    >> Unholy Clown Ninja Anonymous, Xom's Champion !!0aKrfPDoCW4 08/16/08(Sat)23:29 No.2358728
    It needs a universal stillpoint rod.
    >> Anonymous 08/16/08(Sat)23:29 No.2358729
    Holy crap, that's awesome
    >> Anonymous 08/16/08(Sat)23:34 No.2358754
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    >> Anonymous 08/16/08(Sat)23:35 No.2358758
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    >> Anonymous 08/16/08(Sat)23:36 No.2358762
    /tg/ will never touch a woman like that.
    >> Anonymous 08/16/08(Sat)23:37 No.2358766
    I remember once just randomly walking around this little kind of spare forest area in California a few years back. There was this one part that was basically just a desert ravine, almost like a desert, And in one little part up a hill, there was a table. There were also two chairs, but one was practically shattered. And on the table there was a small checked part, as if for a game of chess or checkers. And there was a stone figurine on the table as well, with a picture of a laughing man on it. I believe there was another figurine to, but I can never remember much about it, nor can I remember what the name of the place I lived in was.

    I never went up there again. It was spooky as hell.
    >> Anonymous 08/16/08(Sat)23:40 No.2358783
    >>2358712 cont

    When i was still looking for an apt in LA, a craigslist ad i had sent an email off to before arriving in the city got me a response. It would have been a roomate setup and my rent would have been a mere 500 bux with most utilities included. Well hell, that was cheaper by a few hundred to anything else i could find. So i set up a meeting with this guy i would have been sharing an apt with.

    I get there and the guy is this almost skeletally thin guy in boxers and a silk robe with dragon print all over it. Looking around the guy had wiccan or occult books lying bout. He told me that the room that i'd have belonged previously to his daughter and that i'd get a free computer if i lived there. (the room in question was in sorry shape with peeling walls and still full of toys and decorations) In conversation he mentions that all of his food is at the "proper vibrations," that he is a master martial artist, master video game designer, master movie director, and probably a master of a few other things i can't remember. At one point, he's going through a little notepad when a nude pic of his hairy girlfriend fell out of it. He refered to her as his goddess. But not in a pet name manner, but more as if that was her actual title. He claimed he was working on a website that would totally blow myspace out of the water and would make him rich. I gave as polite as i could a "dont call me i'll call you, i'll think about it" answer and GTFO'ed
    >> Anonymous 08/16/08(Sat)23:41 No.2358785
    by the way, the reason why I can't remember where I lived in California was more of the way of forgetfulness then the mysterious table. I am very bad about the names of places I've lived in. For instance, I know I lived in Germany for a short time for college, but damned if I know where.
    >> Unholy Clown Ninja Anonymous, Xom's Champion !!0aKrfPDoCW4 08/16/08(Sat)23:41 No.2358790
    Neither would any of the other boards.
    >> Personguy 08/16/08(Sat)23:43 No.2358797
    Down in the bush near where I live there's an almost perfect circle of dead trees, devoid of all life. The weirdest part is how the the dead part cuts off halfway through some of the trees in the outer ring, leaving the rest looking healthy and unblemished.
    >> Anonymous 08/16/08(Sat)23:44 No.2358804
    stay the fuck out of that circle.
    >> Anonymous 08/16/08(Sat)23:46 No.2358810
    Yancy is really just a retired mythos investigator. Make sure you don't read any of that junk mail too closely.
    >> deleted 08/16/08(Sat)23:47 No.2358823
    take a giegercounter to the area, or drink some vodka and antirad pills.

    make sure to pack plenty of urchins and fireballs.

    Watch for snorks and bloodsuckers
    >> Anonymous 08/16/08(Sat)23:51 No.2358837
    goddamn I hate bloodsuckers
    >> Drawde [Graveborn Acolyte] !F8wHraWURw 08/16/08(Sat)23:51 No.2358838
    Not true. I touched a woman like that once.

    I'm up for parole in a few months though, so 'sall good.
    I still have to register though... ;_;
    >> Anonymous 08/16/08(Sat)23:54 No.2358855
    I know of a similar circle of dead trees in a nearby graveyard. The grass in that circle is dead, too. Everything else seems fine.
    >> Anonymous 08/16/08(Sat)23:57 No.2358865
    Fuck man, I mean, free computer? Are you sure you made the right choice?
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)00:01 No.2358885
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    In theory, it could be a "fairy ring"; mushrooming fungus often grows out in a radial pattern, choking the roots of the vegetations in the area. Spooky, but mundane.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)00:02 No.2358889
    this does not surprise me in the least.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)00:02 No.2358890
    Yeah, that's what they fucking want you to think.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)00:05 No.2358904
    >>2358783 cont

    So in downtown chicago, below the washington/wells train station is a seven eleven. Next to the seven eleven is a plastic drink crate. On that drink crate, every day sits one of a handful of homeless guys. Usually it'll be the same guy for a few days, and they seem to alternate. At any rate, there is this one guy who is abnormally fat. We're talking 400lbs - 500 something pounds. I've passed by that area almost every day for over a year. That guy has never gotten any thinner.

    You'd think he'd lose weight on account of being barely able to afford to eat, or buy some fucking shoes for his nasty bare feet. But no. Man is as fat as ever. Which always makes me ponder as to what is keeping him so santa claus-esque in proportions

    Also i've seen some crazy guy walking through millenium park just screaming a primal roar intermittenly as he walked through the pedestrian traffic on the sidewalk.

    Shared a train car with a guy with shit and urine stains caked into his white jogging pants and was talking to himself.

    on a different train ride, there was some middle aged black lady hauling some huge plastic bag over her shoulder and she was walking though all the emergency interconnecting doors on the train while talking to herself, going from one of the train to the other, back and forth. At one point shoving past some lady and causing the bag to totally smack that lady's face without ever apologizing or even slowing down.

    Seems trains attract crazies
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)00:10 No.2358930
    This may or may not be applicable, but I had some fairly up close interaction with local bums when I lived in Monterey, CA. We had a local hooker with a colostomy bag nicknamed "The Colostitute".

    There were several bums that lived on the beach, and would wander around panhandling. One we nicknamed "Strangler Bob", because he wore rope around his neck in a noose with denim overalls...and that's about it. Huge guy, had big straggly hair and beard.

    Ran around with a guy we nicknamed El Capitan. He said he was a captain in the army in his country, where ever that was, obviously somewhere in South America. Wore a beret with Captain rank and camo pants, with these dark black shades. He took them off once, and I swear his eyes were going to fucking explode from his skull they stuck out so much and were bloodshot and completely red.

    There was also some guy that had a placard with some religious phrase on it, and a purple and silver magician's hat. You know, like Merlin from Sword in the Stone.

    Separately they gave some local color, but to talk to, you got the feeling that they needed meds and had some stories to tell.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)00:11 No.2358935
    lol not worth it.

    forgot to mention, the guy claimed that he owned the entire apt. complex, meanwhile his place looked like he could barely afford owning anything really

    every alarm in my head between conartist, serial killer, cultist, psycho, molester, etc was going off
    >> Drawde [Graveborn Acolyte] !F8wHraWURw 08/17/08(Sun)00:13 No.2358949
    A friend told me the following story. A little background: It was three AM, we're walking around the residential neighborhood around our homes, actively avoiding the streetlights because it was funner. The whole night it had been a whole bunch of us doing this, and even going down the treelined alleyways between streets that were pitch black. The rest of our group was at one guy's house making breakfast while me and him went to take his garbage out. Moments earlier we had decided to go down one of the previously mentioned dark alleyways next to a neighborhood bar and grill. About five yards into the alleyway, we heard a strange noise, stopped, and I brandished a stick like my life depended on it. I take a little half turn to see him backing up and hightailing it out. We then had a short conversation about how a group of two wasn't big enough to go down an alleyway. Four, we decided, was the perfect number. One of you gets snatched, and then the other three have time to react. If there's three of you, when one gets snatched the best you can do is back to back. One is right out.

    Well, after the conversation, he told me a story of what he and some other friends did. They drove to the cemetery with the intent of getting high. Not my cup of tea, but whatever. He points out to me that the only time someone will be in a cemetery will be to get high or because they're a crazy cultist.
    Now, the cemetery was beneath a hill, and the church cast it's shadow right down there. So when they were coming down the hill, the three of them were nigh invisible. I think one of them even made a joke about serial killers or something. Then they heard the sound of a pig squealing and metal going through flesh to hit stone. The girl next to him then asked if he heard that.
    The three of them slowly backed away.

    The next day they heard on the news that a few people had been found dead.
    Okay, I made that last part up, but the rest is true, or the lie I was told.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)00:14 No.2358956
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    Holy fuck, NPC goldmine. Did the Colostitute have a dedicated clientele who paid extra?

    The best I have is the guy who was ranting outside a metal show with a tree branch shoved up the back of his shirt. He became a recurring character who wielded a length of pipe and believed he was "King of the Wood". It worked shockingly well.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)00:15 No.2358961
    It's true. Crazies seem to like hanging out in public transports. The most obnoxious ones will never get off and keep screaming prophecies in your ear. I find it funny when that happens.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)00:17 No.2358973
    >>2358930 We had a local hooker with a colostomy bag nicknamed "The Colostitute".
    How much for the special?
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)00:22 No.2358998
    I'm a poor as hell student who rides the bus everywhere, and I have met a few crazies. My favorite one thus far was this Mexican guy dressed in really badly torn up and dirty clothes, who was smoking a cigar with the far right side of his mouth, a cigarette on the far left, and carrying 6 packages of Oreos. He stepped off the bus and just stood there in front of the doors looking at the various people waiting to get on like we were shit on his shoes before shaking his head and wandering off.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)00:23 No.2359001
    She was old and not all that attractive, but I was stationed on the military base there, and she would hang out trying to get some action from all the fresh-from-boot young soldiers. Dunno if she had regulars, but there really wasn't a "bad" section of town in Monterey, maybe a town or two over, so I dunno who would take her up.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)00:24 No.2359005
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    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)00:25 No.2359013
    oh man I fucking lol'd
    There used to be this homeless black communist rastafarian I rode the bus to college with. He was convinced his neighbor was a government agent, and he became homeless because he was evicted from his apartment for ripping up the drywall looking for microphones and assaulting his neighbor when he couldn't find them. He also didn't pay his bills because he believed money was a part of the jewish conspiracy, and so they contained locater beacons to track our every movement. He was pretty cool, and literally lived under a bridge, which he would proudly point out to me when ever the bus passed by it
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)00:31 No.2359035
    sounds like a pretty cool guy, besides the rampant paranoia.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)00:37 No.2359063
    your story reminded me of something that happened to my friends.

    As a sort of tradition among my friends, and being the man-boys that we are, we would go over to this one friend's house and at night play hide and seek on the block, wearing black clothes and camo. It was a tradition since gradeschool that we carried on till most of us were around 19 and it finally hit us that maybe sneaking around other people's property while wearing black was a bad idea. Anyway, what happens next happened while i was out of town.

    Their game was going just fine when it came down to finding only one last person. The friend who's block we always play on. lets call him tony for the sake of the story. Tony's little brother is on the seeking team and is on the far end of the block, far from anyone else. He sees someone in the bushes. He goes "aha i see you tony." At roughly the same time, from the opposite side of the block, the rest of the seeking team shouts out that they have found tony. On hearing this the little brother practically shits some bricks as some total stranger also wearing black bolts out of the bushes and runs off
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)00:37 No.2359067
    In the cemetery in my home town there is an old grave marker that has had all information on it erased from abuse by the local tribe of whiggers.
    Being a Eagle Scout, I decided to look into the official records at city hall to try to find the person and fix the marker. The marker was in the newer part of the cemetery, the part annexed after 1920, and should have been recorded.
    It was not.
    There was no record of any grave on that plot, no record at all. There were records for all of the other plots, even the ones from the oldest part of the graveyard, but not for this solitary plot.
    >> Drawde [Graveborn Acolyte] !F8wHraWURw 08/17/08(Sun)00:43 No.2359102
    >being the man-boys that we are, we would go over to this one friend's house and at night play hide and seek
    Being the man-boys WE are, some friends and I started playing Flashlight tag last year or so. With Airsoft guns.
    Hiding in the dark is all the more fun when you've played Metal Gear and decided to sneak around like Snake. Also, brickshitting.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)00:44 No.2359105
    ITT and /tg/ turns into /x/

    not that i'm complaining, just noting
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)00:53 No.2359152
    Fuck. Now I want to go exploring my city at night. I'm also regretting that most of my friends are girls.

    Not that there's anything wrong with female friends it's just that there's no real good way to go, "So, uhh, do you want to come and explore alleys at night with me?" that doesn't come across as "So, I'd like to rape you."
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)00:58 No.2359168
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)00:58 No.2359170
    we had a homless guy come in once a week like clockwork an buy one can of soup we called him soupy joe (yeah i know original..) he had apparently been coming in every week for like 8 years he lived under one of the train bridges that ran behind the store. when id leave at night id alway see his cooking fire. i never heard him talk but he always seemed to smile like everything was a joke. he died like 2 years after i started working there the cops said he had well over 3 grand in dufflebags and had kept every single lable of soup he ever bought.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)01:02 No.2359182
    Fuck, definitely an adept.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)01:08 No.2359194
    I also do the walk around the city at night thing, with a few friends. We've had a few close calls, but nothing especially freaky, except the abandoned car park.

    It is fucking strange. its set in a miniature valley, just outside of the town center, in the middle of a miniature nature-park bit, but its always completely empty. the lights are on, the machines work (We bought a ticket once, just to check) but there are never any cars there.

    Except once. we were taking some friends from out of town there, when all of a sudden a convoy of old, busted up cars rolled in, all parking on the top floor, and then all the people getting out and proceeding down to the bottom. One old man looked up at us and said "You should move along boys. Nothing to see here".

    We were seriously creeped out, and we left. now i wish i'd stayed to see what they were doing.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)01:09 No.2359198
    >b) is there one of those for /tg/?

    Yeah, Didn't save it but its a fat dude instead of a loli.
    >> Drawde [Graveborn Acolyte] !F8wHraWURw 08/17/08(Sun)01:14 No.2359207
    >I also do the walk around the city at night thing, with a few friends
    I know, right? It's awesome. That's why we're going to do it more often. But I need something to carry as a weapon.

    A sword is too obviously illegal, a swordcane equally so. I can't carry a stick around town at night, because that's suspicious. A bokken is also suspicious, and weeaboo, not that I care. I'm thinking I'm going to use a cane. Not only is it good for beating, it's also going to give the impression of feebleness.

    Flashlights though... who needs em? There's the need for one to take a closer look at things, but there's also the whole "it's there, let's use it" temptation.

    What are some good tools to carry on a creepy walk, /x-- /tg/?
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)01:17 No.2359217
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)01:18 No.2359220
    Good flashlight = club
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)01:18 No.2359221
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    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)01:19 No.2359224
    Contraceptive pills if you're a girl.
    >> Drawde [Graveborn Acolyte] !F8wHraWURw 08/17/08(Sun)01:20 No.2359226
    Yes, but what will I do when I've eaten my weapon?

    Also, it seems a friend has popped by at 1am. Two of them. I think I'm going to go walking.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)01:21 No.2359232
    A good pair of sneakers.

    No, seriously, if something happens you do NOT want to start a fight, you RUN LIKE HELL.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)01:22 No.2359237
    Serious, get one of those flashlights that use a fuckload of D cell batteries. Thing'll brain someone something fierce.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)01:25 No.2359244
    Anything more than the 3-cel is a waste. I mean, yeah, you get more reach, but you'll also wear out faster making it harder to get out of dodge if things go further south than you're prepared for.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)01:25 No.2359245
    As much as I would love to see Edward killed on the street in the middle of the night, you really should avoid confrontations in these sorts of situations.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)01:26 No.2359247
    Wear a backpack and carry whatever fits in it that makes you feel safer, and wouldn't be terribly suspicious if the police search you, or couldn't be explained by "I wanted to have something to defend myself". Remember though that whatever you bring is only to make you feel safer. Don't take silly risks just because you've got a mace in your backpack, but if it makes you feel safe enough to walk around your home town in the dark, go for it.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)01:28 No.2359258
    We had a homeless guy that walked down the street twirling this big, worn, walking stick around and swinging it like he was practicing staff and spear fighting. He'd do it across most of the town, I'd seem him like 5 miles away from where he was the last time I'd seen him, doing it right down the middle of the road. The town's near the border, and eventually a border patrol agent took his stick from him. He didn't fight or anything, didn't even answer, he just stared at the guy until the agent left. Now all he does is sit near the war memorial staring at the ground. I haven't seen him in a few weeks.

    He's either dead, or he's looking for his goddamn stick.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)01:28 No.2359260
    Fuckload of friends works good. O coarse, I live in a fucking ghetto area and walk around in the middle of the night drunk off my ass alone. I guess I have good luck.

    Actually, scratch that, I have natural bum camouflage with my terrible neckbeard and hueg unwashed hair.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)01:30 No.2359268
    A Ka-Bar knife would probably be concealable enough.

    But a 3+ D cell Mag-Lite with a LED bulb would be better, First you blind them with it and then crack them over the head.

    Cell phones or handheld radios would be good for communications.

    Maybe a pair of small binoculars for looking at stuff.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)01:31 No.2359271
    A backpack would slow you down if you have to run though unless it's really small.

    I'd go with something like a maglight on a belt loop. It's close to hand if you need it and in a confrontation you can use it like a club and then leg it while the other guy is stunned. It's heavy enough to be effective but not too heavy that it'd slow you down.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)01:31 No.2359272
    Now I don't know where you live, but around here, drunkards and stoners come out at night, and while a cane is a nice, solid bludgeoning weapon, I would much prefer a stun gun - it's small enough to be useful if it comes to grappling, and easy to conceal.

    >>2359232 is right, though. There's no need for confrontation when your feet can lead you away.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)01:33 No.2359281
    ITT, Dukes and the movers and shakers of the occult underground.

    Glamorous, ain't it?
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)01:36 No.2359286
    Agreed. my bum camo leads me to several interesting encounters, giving me insight into their sordid underground.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)01:38 No.2359291
    Oh, And don't use a weapon if they come at with you bare handed, You'll end up the badguy. If they have a big stick or something, Its okay to shoot them.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)01:39 No.2359298
    Carry two knives?
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)01:39 No.2359299
    Without fail, every single day at precisely 5 in the afternoon, Zorro appears in my university. Now he looks nothing like Zorro mind, that's just what he just calls himself. Not that the name doesn't suit him, seeing as he looks like a superhero.

    He is decked out. He wears durable green gloves, each with a slashed Z on them. Shin Guards with the same Z. And finishes off with a white shirt and camo pants. His head gear consists of the Zorro bandana, only his is blue for preference, and along that mask various unintelligible scrawls are inscribed on them, except for one, It says "Go Zorro. Go." And he even has a freaking cape! And it is no less than the national flag. What rounds out his gear is a bright yellow boomerang, which he stylized with the same scrawls and with the epitaph Zorro. And here's a note on his attire. It is not his first, and it won't be his last. Some were bizarre, some were downright creepy. He changes his wardrobe periodically, perhaps he is constantly upgrading and improving.

    And every afternoon, he patrols the grounds, always staying on the same street. Walking at a constant pace, again and again. Sometimes he stops at a particular spot. And waits. And waits. For what? No one can tell. He maintains this vigil regularly. What else can be said about this person? He started doing this several years ago, and no one can give a reason why. He certainly isn't telling. He can be talked to, and is quite smart. He can solve puzzles like nobody's business. He is updated on current events, quotes from the bible, and proposes solutions to problems. Some of the solutions are strange though.


    "You know how to fix the president? Rocks like Streams, Streams like Rocks! Rocks like Streams, Streams like Rocks!"

    Several rumors surround him. Some say he's a professor who got so damned smart, or discovered something that it broke him. Other versions say he's a former student. At this point, rumors are mixing up with the truth.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)01:40 No.2359301
    4-cell is close enough. Its a little slower on the swing, but it also looks nastier. Intimidation is a very important part of avoiding trouble.

    Also: carry a decent pen with you, like a Pilot Precise or a fountain pen. They aren't exactly good weapons, but they aren't suspicious, and those fuckers can sting if you stab someone hard enough. You reach in your pocket, knock off the cap, stab for the stomach, and run like hell.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)01:42 No.2359306
    kind of a shitty way to die, bleeding out from a pen wound, no?
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)01:44 No.2359317
         File :1218951880.jpg-(32 KB, 900x1200, 1199059680161.jpg)
    32 KB
    Mightier, sword, etc.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)01:46 No.2359319
    I'm currently trying to discern the MO of the guy who keeps shitting on the floors/shelves of the major-chain bookstore I work at.

    And also how in the hell he's getting away with it.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)01:47 No.2359323
    Which shelves (how high)?
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)01:48 No.2359330
    You only take mid shelves or something?
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)01:50 No.2359339
    Oh, waist high I'm sure.

    I wish we had cameras, so we could at least catch the guy in the act.

    What's even weirder is that there doesn't seem to *be* a reason, given that he does it in random spots. Kids, religion, fiction...

    I think the crapping is his only goal.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)01:50 No.2359340
    Five years ago when I was just starting college, a friend from high school was visiting me and we decided to walk through the college cemetery. The oldest graves there are from the mid-1700's.

    We were in the section filled in the 1800's when we found a fairy ring - 8 concentric rings of tiny white flowers (each flower half the size of a penny) growing in the grass. The outermost ring was a yard and a half across, while the innermost ring was only several inches across. I'm certain that it was natural and not planted by people.

    I thought it was cool, but my friend believes in ghosts and spirits so she was pretty creeped out.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)01:50 No.2359341
    I don't really have many creepy stories to share but I'll tell one of the ones I have.

    We were camping on a school excursion. The area was bushland in rural Victoria, Australia. It was just your typical woodland with dirt and gravel tracks running through it with an area designated for campsites in a large clearing.

    We were in year 9, so we were 15 or so. We'd just gotten back from a hellish bushwalk. It was meant to have taken an hour but due to the teachers being equipped with a 2" x 1" black and white map of the track and a low number of teachers the group got broken up and scattered accidently as kids would come to a fork in the path and just choose one. This resulted in the trip taking three hours and caused a great deal of stress to the teachers who went off to do teachery things, like preparing night activities or drinking grain alcohol to recover from the giant fuck up that they believed would get them fired, when we got back to camp.

    This gave us free time in which to explore and at another campsite we found this oil painting of the Virgin Mary in an empty camping spot. So we grabbed it and took it back to our camp. However, then the question arose of what the fuck were we going to do with our treasure? Somebody promptly solved that problem by throwing the painting onto our campfire.

    The painting quickly caught and flames spread up over the frame, the edges of the canvas and over the blue robe but they would not spread to her face. We sat there watching it for close to five minutes or so before someone kicked the painting, breaking it and causing it to burn completely.

    Creepiest thing I've ever seen.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)01:52 No.2359353
    He's probably crapping outside of the store (in a bag or something similar) and then dumping it in place. That's a lot harder to catch, and gives him the chance to dump it wherever he feels like.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)01:53 No.2359358
    Sly bastard.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)01:54 No.2359360
    Some kind of poop ninja.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)01:55 No.2359363
    Right. Search at gunpoint everyone who enters the store. If anyone is carrying poo in a baggy, shoot them.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)01:56 No.2359366
    I attend school in the Bay Area; that entire region is filled with crazies

    In Berkeley there's a particularly notable one who's usually referred to as "Mr. Happy". He's this old Chinese man who once in a while shows up between Bancroft and Telegraph. Basically, what Mr. Happy does is stand on a step ladder with several signs that are basically nothing but a random jumble of words that have a political meaning but are too disjointed to make any sense ("BUSH WAR LOTUS RUMSFELD GREEN 666 RIVER" etc.). As for Mr. Happy himself, every few seconds he begins chanting "I'M SO HAPPY! HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY! HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY! I USED TO BE SAD BUT NOW I'M HAPPY! HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!" or some variation thereof. According to my friend who claims to have tried to talk to him, those are the only English words he knows.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)01:58 No.2359376
    If anybody defecates from fright, shoot them twice.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)02:00 No.2359384
    Does he, perhaps, wear a blue shirt, pants and hood?
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)02:03 No.2359401
    that is awesomely creepy
    >> MonkeyToho 08/17/08(Sun)02:03 No.2359406
    rolled 52 = 52


    Benny is obviously mentally retarded, by both speech and habit. My friend isn't sure of where he lives, but the man's a trooper; he walks all the way from the south end of town, through downtown, and all the way to Six Flags. Then, back again.

    This would not be so strange if it wasn't for his outfits. Most often its Superman; other times, Spiderman, and yet others as a samurai. In full garb, mind--Benny doesn't fuck around when it comes to his clothes.

    He goes to Six Flags as Superman to ask them if they need his services. Every time, he's turned down, but we wonder if they'll ever say yes.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)02:08 No.2359440
    My friend Sky was hiking through his little western town once when he came upon a plastic bag.

    Curious, he opened the bag.

    When he related this story to me, the only details he could provide were "There was an organ in it. Don't know what kind, dropped it and ran."
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)02:09 No.2359444
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)02:10 No.2359449
    My friend and I got into a hobby of going hiking since we live up in Washington and we figure it'd be good to use the many nature trails at our disposal.

    One of the first times we went walking we stumbled upon some blueberry bushes. They led back into a large field of them, all carefully tended. We immediately started picking them and eating them, only to hear a giggle and look over to our right at this hippy chick sitting there with a basket picking berries. She was really nice and helped us pick some to eat, then she left by going straight into the forest. No trail, just right in. Said she lived around there.

    Another time a huge adventuring looking guy stepped right out of the bushes in front of us, then, kinda surprised, asked us what we were doing. The guy had two pistols (one on each hip and an empty shoulder holster), several pouches, a rifle over his back, and a massive bowie knife. Big beard, really lumberjack looking besides all the guns. We told him we were hiking and he gave us directions to an abandoned mine that was an interesting sight, then he left by walking back from where he came. We followed his directions to the mine, found it, it was pretty cool.

    Most recently, and we're never going back there, we walked past two Korean guys in kinda nice casual suits. Both had grim expressions, stared straight ahead and didn't even glance at us. One was holding a .40 cal pistol at his side. Both were walking briskly. I know they had to be triads or something.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)02:12 No.2359467
    This story mught not fit here, but it's the best one I've got which could be related so here goes:
    A couple of years ago, when I was in my last year of high school, wizards invaded my school. It started with a few fat guys wearing cloaks and pentagrams, carrying staffs and doing all these fight moves with them really slowly. Pretty standard wicca stuff, really, until one monday morning we turned up to school to find an emormous magical circle painted on the ground. It was about 6 metres wide, bright red, looked like something out of Full Metal Alchemist. The cleaning staff got rid of it by lunch time, and no more thought was given to it.
    Until the next morning, when we turned up to find a smaller version of the same circle painted, with "DONT MESS WITH FUKING WIZZARDS" painted underneath it. Many a hearty lol was had, and the only thing that really happened was that the same circles started appearing all over the school (usually in chalk, and really badly drawn), and it's still possible to see where the original circle was after it's rained.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)02:12 No.2359469
    anyone else getting a flashback of the phantom shitter?
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)02:12 No.2359470

    You have just experience the real life version of a fa/tg/uy yelling HERESY at you. You lit the Virgin Mary on fire and her face didn't burn. She just stared at you, pleading with her eyes to make you put the fire out. And than you smash her up. Great job.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)02:16 No.2359483
    To be fair, _I_ didn't light her one fire or kick her. I just didn't stop others from doing it.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)02:17 No.2359489
    And Manson never actually killed anyone.

    You monster.
    >> Personguy 08/17/08(Sun)02:17 No.2359491

    What kind of person throws an oil painting of the Virgin Mary into a fire.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)02:18 No.2359493
    Bajor! Patron asshole of /tg/.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)02:19 No.2359498
    A 15 year old boy?

    Does it make matters better or worse to know that we went to a private Catholic school?
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)02:19 No.2359501

    "Officer, I swear that I didn't light that infant on fire! I just didn't put her out and stared as she agonizingly burned to death. Why are you arresting me!? I didn't do anything wrong!"
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)02:22 No.2359513
    No. Also, pooper.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)02:23 No.2359517
    What kind of person leaves an oil painting like that out in the middle of nowhere?
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)02:24 No.2359521
    This one's kinda weak, but here goes.
    Back when I was 13-14ish, a friend and I used to walk around after midnight. We live in a very small town on the edge of a rural district, so there's nothing to worry about in terms of safety. Sometimes we bring friends, but most of the time its just the two of us.
    We were getting tired of blazing the same trail (we usually walked in/around the woods that lead to the beach) and we were told that there was a differant trail on the other side of town.
    We were given some general directions, and off we went.
    Of course, its pitch black and we have no idea where this trail is. There's woods, alright, but no way in. So we walk around the streets for a bit until we see someone else. This is the first time in nearly a year we've seen someone else wandering the streets at 3 in the morning. And he's got a flashlight. We follow him about 30-ish feet back, following his flashlight, and he goes into the woods, walking on a trail that we'd missed, apparently.
    Then his flashlight goes out. We both stop, and there's no noise, no motion, nothing. This guy just up and dissappeared.
    We blaze the trail and come out in the middle of some old back road. We're completely lost.
    Enter flashlight man. 60~ish feet to our left, a flashlight goes on, and the same figure goes back through through a wooded pocket.
    We follow.
    We see one of the main streets that took us into the woods 30 minutes ago, and were led back to it through a differant trail in like, 3 minutes. And of course, once we're back on the street, the flashlight figure is nowhere to be seen.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)02:25 No.2359529
    Catholic school will fuck you up. Still no excuse, though.

    That's the point of the story, man.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)02:27 No.2359538
    secretly they want raping
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)02:29 No.2359544
    Fuck, if I ever go into the business of painting religious icons, I am SO going to fireproof the faces; miraculous brick-shits will be had.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)02:31 No.2359550
    I've actually had a conversation with one of them who has said that in a situation like that she'd likely just freeze up and not fight.

    I don't think it's a vieled request of "RAPE ME" as much as it is her just commenting that she doesn't react well in crisis situations.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)02:32 No.2359553

    Perhaps an artist who gets inspiration from nature left it there while he went to go take a crap? Perhaps some kind of monk who raises money for his monastary by selling pieces of art?

    I could understand taking it and brining it home to keep and like, I don know, shpw off at parties and stuff. But burning it was a waste.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)02:33 No.2359558
    To be fair, fighting probably isn't a good idea. Run if you can; if you can't, you're fucked.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)02:34 No.2359562
    Maybe we wouldn't have to burn his artwork if he would stop crapping in our bookstore.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)02:38 No.2359578
    Oh, for sure. She's a tiny thing and doesn't know how to defend her properly in any event, so fighting wouldn't be a good option. Freezing up, however, is possibly worse though.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)02:39 No.2359583
    LARPer gathering grounds?
    >> Drawde [Graveborn Acolyte] !F8wHraWURw 08/17/08(Sun)02:55 No.2359643
    So, went walking. Didn't see anything of import.
    Used a cane as my weapon of choice. Easy to pass of as just having a bad knee.
    After things like this thread though, I really am thinking about doing this night walking as a hobby. I might mapquest my area and start taking different paths around.

    So to take with me:
    Notebook for recording creepy shit.
    messenger bag to carry things

    Well, I haven't seen but a few cars in my few quests. Though tonight there were a lot of people sitting on their porches drinking. Who invites some friends over to sit on the porch and drink at 2am?
    The cane is mostly for dogs. And other things. A lot of the alleyways have sheds that look like Silent Hill shit. Or, exactly like the sheds from RE4.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)02:56 No.2359647

    Archive this shit.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)02:59 No.2359669
    suptg is superior.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)03:00 No.2359672
    lol, newfag.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)03:00 No.2359673
    And already archived, apparently.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)03:04 No.2359695
    Suptg has an unstable web presence at best, and it's so easy to archive something there that it doesn't mean anything. 4canarchive is better for archiving the important threads.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)03:09 No.2359710
    >Suptg has an unstable web presence at best, and it's so easy to archive something there that it doesn't mean anything.

    LL does go through and prune out any low rated archived threads.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)03:15 No.2359738
    me, the CNT-FAI, and every other right thinking worker
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)03:20 No.2359768
    What the hell is a CNT-FAI?
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)03:30 No.2359804
    Cunt-Fail, a common term for tripfags.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)03:34 No.2359822
    I have a friend with pretty serious bi-polar disorder. Long before she was clinically diagnosed something strange happened when we were out diving.

    She always drove like a maniac and this night was no exception. Speeding down back roads and empty state routes in the rural part of Ohio where we are from. She had swung us out onto a particularly hilly stretch and cranked the speed up to almost 70. We had the radio up all the way and were singing along with a song we had both liked in jr high. As we came up on a huge hill she got a perplexed look on her face and said ‘Cows?”. She stepped hard on the brake and as we crested the hill a family of deer looked up at our headlights from the middle of the road. There was no way she could have seen them as we came up the hill and if she hadn’t slowed down we would likely have been killed. The deer ran off and she looked at me and said “Not cows” with this blank expression. She will not talk about it to this day.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)03:38 No.2359837
    Also, bring a camera. A cheap disposable works.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)03:41 No.2359850

    Yep. Although sometimes he wears a straw hat instead of a hood.

    The funny thing is that he's not the craziest person I've met; when I was a kid in private school there was this one kid named Brendan who was obsessed with eyes. He'd draw all these different eyes in his notebook, on his books, on his backpack, on his desk, and on his arms. Also, when we had do some dumb photo collage about our faith (Catholic school lol), he took all of these magazines like Elle and Vanity Fair and Cosmo and, you guessed it, cut the models' eyes out and stick him on the fucking paper. I pretty much lost contact with everyone but my close friends when i graduated from that school, so I don't know if Brendan became a serial killer in the making or perhaps a really diehard Tool Fan.

    I don't know a lot but UA but I always thought his story had more in common with Condemned (which would making a fucking awesome setting) than with that.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)03:51 No.2359873
    ....... gun?
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)03:57 No.2359889
    Well yes, although it might be best to not be caught trespassing while carrying.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)03:58 No.2359895
    When going to college the first time (before dropping out), I lived at an apartment complex that was originally built to be a dormitory. You share a kitchen, bathroom, and half-bath with up to 3 other people. Rent was way cheap in a town where everything else is way expensive. So I get in a quad with, let's call him Ted.

    I was way socially oblivious at this time. Ted is nice, doesn't bother anyone, he just stays up late and smokes and paces in front of the building and drinks lots of Diet Pepsi. He is clean, and never bothers me about noise, so we coexist with no difficulties.

    It never occurs to me that maybe Ted never sleeps, or hardly ever. After living beside the guy for almost a year, I actually did sit and have a meal with him once, he talked about being a psych major, we talked about parent issues, in his case, issues with his mother.

    2-3 months later, I hear a lot of yelling from Ted's room. Lots. The guy hardly ever spoke above a whisper since I've known him. He sounds upset, enraged. Sometime in the next couple of days he is gone, moved out.

    About a month later, one of the maintenance guys on the property asks me how I got along with Ted. 'Fine,' I say, 'he seemed great, no problems'. He gives me a funny look. 'Why, I ask.' The guy says, 'He was crazy, you know. Thought the devil visited him every night. None of his other roommates could stand him.' I thought, THANKS, ASSHOLES, for fucking TELLING ME!! But, here I am, not dead.

    Later on, when my girlfriend moved in with me, we rented that room. I dunno if it was me or leftover Ted-vibes or what, but that room did give me some odd gut-feelings for awhile.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)03:59 No.2359896
    Not always easily available or legal due to gun-contrlol. It also ramps up the lethality in a confrontation and if you're in spooky situations it increases your likelihood of shooting some poor fucker's dog. And due to appropriate force limitations in self-defence legislation even if you are threatened shooting someone might be excessive force.

    It's generally best to just leg it.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)04:01 No.2359906
    A bad idea, only because there is little more dangerous than a scared person in the dark with a gun.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)04:01 No.2359907
    Carrying a gun is rarely illegal, especially if you've got papers to prove it's registered and such.

    But carrying a gun on you if you're committing any crime, even something as simple as jaywalking...and suddenly, you find your ass in jail.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)04:02 No.2359912
    >Carrying a gun is rarely illegal

    Depends on where you are. Not everybody has gun laws like the US. In places like Australia or the UK being in possession of a firearm is very illegal.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)04:04 No.2359925
    True, very true.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)04:05 No.2359928
    Concealing a firearm is a fine, minimum, in many states of the U.S. Walking around with one on your hip is just going to make people scared of you.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)04:13 No.2359954
    >> !UnUBASHOTA 08/17/08(Sun)04:16 No.2359967
    I work in hospitality a lot at nightclubs around my city and consequently I've run into a lot of hobos and seen a lot of crazy people.

    One guy asked me if I wanted to buy weed- I turned him down and then he tried to sell me speed/ecstasy- I refused again, and he looked disappointed. He assured me that the drugs were the 'dardy wickedest'.
    The weirdest part about him was that he was riding this bike that had all these saddlebags, you could hardly see the bike.

    Another time the city was covered in dense fog, and as I was walking to my car I could hardly see 100 meters in front of me. I saw a humanoid shadow that was convulsing as it walked- the movements were jagged and erratic. As I approached the guy, (I gave him a pretty wide berth) he was shaking all jacob's ladder style and his eyes were closed. He was dressed in full punk kit- Engineering boots, black leather jacket and pants, zippers and safety pins everywhere.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)04:18 No.2359971
    Lame spam game shit.
    >> !UnUBASHOTA 08/17/08(Sun)04:21 No.2359982
    I saw another guy at the bottom of an escalator, sitting on a little bench off to the side. He was really fat and he was wearing shorts and and t-shirt in the middle of winter. When I got closer he wasn't breathing and he looked asleep, he certainly didn't notice that I was in front of him at all. His chest wasn't moving and his arms were limp, hanging by his sides. I think his fat was keeping the upper body buoyant. I think he might have died there.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)04:25 No.2359990
    That's the point where you find a child and promise them two dollars if they give the fat guy on the bench a little shove. Give them one dollar up front and claim you'll give them the second one when they're done.

    Then walk off and wait for the screams.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)04:38 No.2360013
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    That would be epic lulz.
    >> Vicious Mole !!qsTYT+/pVNs 08/17/08(Sun)04:38 No.2360016

    I would just like to say that that is the best UA to RL comparison I've ever seen. Still reading the thread.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)04:56 No.2360062
    >- An entire room was filled with old (sixties-seventies) sci fi novels on makeshift shelves like the ones in the living room.

    fucking HELL i would KILL EVERYONE HERE for a crack at a treasure trove like that! i fucking love old scifi books.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)05:00 No.2360070

    Me again, i remembered another odd experience we had.

    It was the day before christmas, and six friends were walking down a back alley, a shortcut to my house. we were slightly drunk, slightly stoned, but not completely out of it.

    A tall, wiry guy stepped out of the shadows. he must have been hiding in them or something, because the street was pretty well lit.

    He said "Wrong time for you boys". and stepped forward.

    Then he said "Wrong place for you boys" and stepped forward again.

    By this point we were severely freaked.

    Then he stepped forward one last time, into a shadow, and said "Wrong, all wrong".

    And then he was gone. we have no fucking idea how he did it- jumped over the wall or something, but we were all badly shaken up.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)05:01 No.2360073
    That's when you decide never to get drunk or stoned again.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)05:03 No.2360084
    He disappeared because it wasn't the right time or place (for you boys).
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)05:05 No.2360091
    I remember walking along this drainage creek with my friend that they were building a large public transit railway across. It was fairly undeveloped territory in what is a rather large city, with just a retirement home and a few old houses nearby. I saw my first dead dog there in that wood, near a dirtbike track that I can't imagine anyone ever managing to transport a bike to.

    One time we followed the concrete overpass of the new railway as far as it had been built and came upon a natural clearing. In the center were three ramshakle huts obviously built with supplies pilfered from the contruction. They were covered with nails driven outwards through the plywood and plastic walls, and the insides had apocalyptic warnings scrawled everywhere and blunts covering the floor.

    The funny thing was, even before the construction started it would have been a piss-poor spot for a drug hide-out, and both the structures and their warnings looked fresh. In fact, the drug leavings looked older than the shacks sheltering them.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)05:06 No.2360094
    One day, you and your friends will get together again. You'll be walking along, a different time, a different place. Maybe another city.

    And out of the shadows, the man will appear.

    Right time. Right place. Right, oh, so right for you boys.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)05:08 No.2360098

    God damnit /tg/, your freaking me out... but i have the strangest impulse to go walking tonight.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)05:10 No.2360103

    Then, it is time.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)05:10 No.2360104
    Man, I used to go night walking with a buddy of mine all the damned time when we were in high school. but we never ran into shit other than drunk/high teenagers doing the same crap we were. Stupid goddamn suburban Ontario.

    I am full of creepy envy.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)05:14 No.2360112

    This guy does this, every day, in the same spot. He is always there at lunchtime, and has been for the last fifteen years. He's changed up his act somewhat and now, occasionally, wears a bad Elvis wig and plugs a microphone into his boombox to croon along with songs.

    Phonomancer, maybe?
    >> ZombiePanda 08/17/08(Sun)05:17 No.2360124
    >I don't know about Concealed Carry laws.

    Just remember, kiddos, if you do for some reason feel threatened and in danger enoguh to A) carry a gun with you(better be registered for concealed carry, asshole), and B) feel that your only chance at survival is to shoot the thing threatening you, remember one important rule:

    Aim for torso or lower. If your wrong about it being life threatening, at worst your looking at footing someones medical bill, since it isn't attempted homicide if you aim fro the waist down. At very worst, you'll get sued, but its better than getting it jammed in your pooper in buttrapejail.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)05:18 No.2360125
    Not particularly creepy, but a little bit odd.

    Over a three year time period I ran into the same Hare Krishna four times in three cities. He always introduces himself the same way, "Hi, I'm Glenn. I'm a monk!". I always take one of his books whenever I run into him because Holy Shit, It's Glenn AND HE'S A MONK.

    I asked him to sign my book the last time I ran into him and he just signed it "Glenn", which was a little boring but I got him to write a little dedication in the book of the friend I was with.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)05:20 No.2360130
    So I counted /tg/ /x/ and /k/ all in one thread with a small reference to /d/. What boards do fa/tg/uys not frequent?
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)05:22 No.2360134
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)05:22 No.2360136
    We control 4chan, much like the Jews control the world.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)05:23 No.2360144
    This one time when I was about 12 or 13, I was walking to the local park for this after school program. It was late autumn, and the sun had already set below the line of bungalows and apartment buildings in that neighborhood of Chicago. The street lamps flickered on, one after the other down the street. I was happy... Autumn, my favorite season, and dusk my favorite time. And I could clearly see my shadow shift as I walked down the street. I always got a kick out of that. Especially in those regions where I could see my shadow split off into multiples in the overlap between two lamps. This day, however... I stepped into one such overlap, and my shadow moved in a way I hadn't seen before. It pointed itself straight towards the street lamp whose light I was stepping into, and it seemed darker than usual. At first, I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me, but when I stepped forward the shadow stayed aligned to the lamp. I ran a few steps, and the shadow stayed strange. I stopped, and the shadow refused to orient itself properly. When I cleared that lamp, my shadow reverted back to normal. I went down that street hundreds of times before that evening and hundreds of times after, but I have never seen anything like it again.
    >> ZombiePanda 08/17/08(Sun)05:25 No.2360152
    I'm sad that I frequent three boards, thats too many to check 2-3 times daily and still consider yourself to have a life.

    Long live /tg/, /k/, and /f/.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)05:27 No.2360155
    Reminds me of the time I was working a late show at my high school and when I went to fetch a binder found an entire hallway bathed in blood red light, from an exit sign that promptly turned off when I approached it.
    >> Sage McSagington 08/17/08(Sun)05:29 No.2360160
    I think I've met that motherfucker. And I'm in Britfag land.
    He stopped me and a mate in the street. My mate was wearing a crucifix round his neck (long story short-trying to bang a Christian chick). Old dude points at it and says' That ain't gonna help come the time.'
    We politely thank him and move away. Just as we're about to leave he grabs me hard by the arm, looks me dead in the eye and says 'Just cause the rides free, don't mean there ain't a price'.
    I didn't really feel like pointing out that 'free' by default means no price.
    Postscript-5 months ago (Moved from that place a Looooong time ago) a mate of mine stops by me on the street. We're talking, he offers me a ride downtown to Gamestation (where I'm headed). I get this real itch between my shoulder blades and it feels...wrong. I pass on the ride and my friend drives off.
    The next day I hear not 15 minutes after he left his car got T-boned by a truck on the passenger side-exactly where I would have been sitting.
    I NEED to find that old bastard again and find out exactly what he knows.
    >> ZombiePanda 08/17/08(Sun)05:29 No.2360166
    Sounds like an image rendering problem. Seems it fixed itself when you restarted your computer and cleared your cache.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)05:30 No.2360169
    One night a couple years back stands out. I was nearly asleep when there was a loud sort of clattering skitter along the floor around my bed. By the time I had the nerve to turn the light on, whatever made it was gone. I've heard rats and mice before, so I would like to think that an energetic crustacean would make that kind of sound in passing. Actually, to tell the truth I wouldn't like to think, because I'd rather not remember it. Now excuse me, I'm turning on a light.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)05:33 No.2360176
    Weirdest thing that ever happened to me was that one time while walking home after a party (drunk/high so even I don't trust my memory entirely) every streetlight I walked by would go out as I approached it and come back on a few seconds after I passed. It amused me more than it creeped me out at the time, I remember thinking that something was trying to conceal me for my protection or some such shit. Anyhow, apart from that the entire walk home was a blur so for all I know it was an hallucination or a dream or something.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)05:33 No.2360178
    Could it have been a coconut crab?
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)05:35 No.2360183
    Holeeee shite
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)05:36 No.2360188
    I live in Canada.
    Also, that would've been cool. I'd just have it give it something shiny to make it happy, right?
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)05:36 No.2360191
    I can tell you what happened.

    One of the streetlights went out. Happens all the time, actually. Your buzzed brain blurred that one occurrence into an entire trip.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)05:39 No.2360199
    That's what I figure. The streetlights in my town are poorly maintained and it's not uncommon for several lights on one street to be either flickering or just blown for months at a time.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)05:40 No.2360207
    I'm going to become a homeless man, just to fuck with punks
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)05:41 No.2360209
    Reminds me of my favorite scene in Douglas Adams' second Dirk Gently book, where the Norse gods live on Earth in retirement and Thor comes looking for this girl. She's walking home and every time she passes a streetlight it goes out, every time she passes a house it goes dark. Finally she's standing in a dark street and the light at the end flickers back on to reveal a huge muscle-bound behemoth standing there with hammer in hand.

    And she flips out, screams at him to turn the lights back on. He tries to explain why he's there, tries to explain that he's a god and did it for effect, but in the end gives up and lights the street back up.

    Except for the light above her, which flickers and goes out again. She starts again, and Thor just shrugs and says one of my favorite Adams lines, "It was an old light, weak and infirm." I say that all the time when streetlights go out at my approach, and I wish someone would catch the reference (or at least think me godlike).
    >> OP, former personal secretary to a crazy person 08/17/08(Sun)05:42 No.2360215
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    Holy shit, this went really well. And there's a bevy of fantastic shit for me to steal for my game.

    That said, I'm surprised
    >> two-for-one special at the Lipstick Ranch
    didn't draw more attention. The man was trying to sue a brothel for not giving him a free fuck, for chrissakes.

    Anyway, shit, I was going to pick favourites, but the entire goddamn thread is maximum amazing.

    So I'll just mention the time me and a bunch of friends (around a dozen people altogether) were on our way to the local convenience store, and came across a guy sitting at a bus stop and just beating off like there's no tomorrow. Even as we passed wihin ten feet of him and everyone had the obvious reaction, he didn't miss a stroke. I have to say, I admire his commitment.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)05:44 No.2360225
    Not everybody knows the name of your local brothel.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)05:45 No.2360226
    Now, this being /tg/, I gotta make the joke.

    Obviously, Faptau was doing some recon dressed up as a human.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)05:45 No.2360229
    I assumed it was a brothel, I just didn't much care enough to comment.
    >> OP 08/17/08(Sun)05:48 No.2360235
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    Fair enough, I kinda thought the mention of Nevada would cover it, but I do regret not making it clearer.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)05:51 No.2360244
    I actually thought it was a cosmetics store and that he was upset he couldn't buy his mother makeup in bulk.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)05:53 No.2360247
    A while back some people I was chatting with online at the time and I found a website talking about channeling ki/chi/psi/whatever the fuck you want to call it. Well, we were all internet-obsessed no-lives at the time, so we figured, "hey, why not? what do we have to lose but time?"

    So we started meditating a good couple hours a day, focusing on what we were told was a primal energy that anyone could harness... We began to compile emails of our experiences and email to them each other at specific times in order to make sure that the other person wasn't just going "Yeah, me too!". Eventually, we got to the point where we were feeling ready to try things like astral projection and manipulating other people's energies. When we first started that, the only other person out of all of us that started that was still hanging in there said "why don't I try projecting myself to you to see if I can describe the room you're in?" Now, I didn't have a webcam, hadn't described myself at all to this person, and certainly didn't tell him where I lived or the layout of the room I was in. I told him to bring it on... He then figured out which state I was in using me as a beacon. I wrote that off as possibly him hacking something to figure out where I lived. It creeped me out, but not as much as when he then described the room I was in, my brother and mother (who were also in the room), and myself. Down to the color of my eyes.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)05:53 No.2360248
    Now, at this point, I was trying to keep my poker face on - I was 16 and an internet-obsessed no-life with more online "friends" than people who would bother to say my name in real life, so naturally my time on the computer was SRS BUSINESS and I didn't want my parents to ground me from having internet access because it made me crazy. So I just text back to him when he's right, and I try something else without telling him. I try draining his energy from the bit he sent to me as his projection... and he texts me back saying "wtf, stop that... stop draining me". Now, even if he were hacking to spy on me and had broken into my home to check out the furniture and had further guessed that my family was in the room with me, THIS was something he couldn't have known any other way. So I used my energy to push him out of the room, out of the state, and pushed him back following his trail to what I think was Georgia.

    I could be crazy. I could have just been some teen who desperately wanted to be special (and thank god I'm out of that whole "INTARNETZ BUDDIEZ!" phase). But that day I experienced something I cannot explain away. Hell, only reason I stopped messing around with… whatever the hell it was I was messing around with was because I lost touch with the other guy when I realized I could actually try talking to people I can actually see face to face instead of pissing my life away on internet drama…
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)05:58 No.2360257
    Reminds me of one cold, dark winter night here in canada. I was walking to the bus stop to head home, it was only about 10, but it gets pitch dark up here. Anyways, in the alleyway, facing the wall under a light was an incredibly sketchy looking homeless man beating off. I was spooked and ran like the wind for the bus stop, but thankfully he didn't seem to notice me.
    Just a gross story, I guess, but it was impressive because he had the biggest erection I'd ever seen. Like just impossibly huge, and it must have been under minus thirty, plus windchill which is FUCKING COLD for you americans.
    That the old guy felt he just had to whip it out when it was cold enough to freeze right off, and the fact that I have yet to see a larger cock despite the frigid weather...
    Er, I'm really not sure how to close this anecdote.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)05:58 No.2360258
    You should have devoured his energy and made it your own. There can be only one!
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)05:59 No.2360261
    The first time I had sex, the girl was very Christian and I had to pressure her a bit. The next morning I woke up to find I had stigmata. Rug burns on both hands and feet, and a breakout on my forehead like a crown.

    That's just weird. The scary thing is that none of these wounds healed or even scabbed until I broke up with her nearly six months later. They were disgusting and weeped so often that I had to take to wearing gloves, but when I called to say that we were over they healed within a week.

    I still have serious scars on my hands, although the ones on the feet have long faded.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)06:02 No.2360267
    When I think Nevada brothel I think "mustang ranch" or "bunny ranch" - for some reason those are the two you hear about.

    At some point when I was a teenager a friend of mine and I were walking by a lake that was right across the street from our high school. It's basically a large park in the middle of an urban area, trees all around. The side we were on was much higher than the lake itself, so it didn't see many visitors, other than joggers running by on the sidewalk.

    We had found a section of paved road that ran into the trees that the city had blocked and allowed to grow over, and thinking it might lead somewhere we followed it - and promptly lost it in the trees, but about 20 feet later we stumbled out into a little clear area with a big black circle burned into the ground, next to a stump with a pentagram carved into it. It wasn't so creepy, being daytime and all, but it was definitely the kind of place you get a bad feeling about.

    We talked about staking it out, but we didn't know when and eventually lost interest. Lately I've noticed a lot of the trees there have caught a blight of some kind.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)06:04 No.2360274
    Read >>2360257
    and then >>2360258
    straight afterwards.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)06:05 No.2360277
    He was probably beating off to keep warm and not freeze to death.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)06:06 No.2360279
    And that is the creepiest thing that has ever happened to me.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)06:14 No.2360299
    wait wait, where the fuck did you meet this guy.
    I'm shitting bricks here.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)06:15 No.2360304
    Genestealer lurking in your bedroo
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)06:17 No.2360305
    This is an oddly /tg/ related one, but its /tg/ related all the same.

    I was a at a game shop, playing a couple of rounds of magic on a saturday and waiting for my exalted group to show, when i glanced out the window and saw the fattest and most disgusting person i'd ever seen. he had pustules on his hands and face, and his fingers looked like sausages. he appeared to be scribbling in a notebook of some form. after a while, he tore the page out of the notebook, attached it to the outside of the window. he then proceeded to the next shop window.

    when i checked outside, there was a nigh on perfect rendition of the inside of the shop, but with no people. just the objects, in perfect detail, from the pictures on covers to the names on spines. i looked up the street, and he'd done this to at least six other shops.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)06:22 No.2360311
    Fuck, that's awesome.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)06:27 No.2360316
    Man, I've lived a sheltered life... I've found unlikely deposits of cash out in the world before, usually just 5-20 dollars, enough to help pay for whatever we were doing that day. 11 dollars in the wilderness being my favorite one.

    I'm reasonably certain our Air Conditioner has some control over the weather. We brought it home and set it up during the hottest day of the year. Immediately, it began to rain and become cold, lasting the rest of the season. This year, when we got it out (again when it was getting hotter and hotter every day) we immediately experienced about a week of cold and rain. But apparently its powers have worn off, it's record highs again.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)06:30 No.2360324
    Thread's on autosage, new thread @ >>2360320

    Saving all stories for the next edition of Sif's list.
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)06:30 No.2360326
    Oh shit help tg. Sudden panic existential crisis.
    >> Sage McSagington 08/17/08(Sun)06:55 No.2360401
    >> Anonymous 08/17/08(Sun)07:28 No.2360519

    bitches don't know 'bout my save or dies

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