“Of all the violence-capable sophont clades, Humans are the only ones who strap themselves into armored shells and drop out of the atmosphere onto enemy positions. And that’s only after they soften up any ground resistance with orbital bombardment. We are certain that they have secretly developed mind-upload technology (and thus a kind of technical immortality). The other possibility, that they are willing to throw themselves into the path of anti-starship weapons without hesitation and risk their consciousnesses, is unthinkable.”

“I once met a Human at a waystation on a Class 1 world. It did some kind of rough work for one of their colonies. It called itself a “search and retrieval expert” but I’m guessing the translation software couldn’t find the proper words. A few weeks later, it returns to the waystation, sans its trans-grav (rented, I might add). Apparently the people it was hunting took down its transport, but it continued on foot after escaping the wreckage and patching itself up. The scary part was that it was wearing clothes fashioned from Tharge pelts, had its targets’ ears on a necklace (DNA proof, I guess), and had fashioned a spear from a jagged piece of the trans-grav’s hull and an Iron-root. And it was honestly none the worst for wear, just sauntered over to the AENet terminal and collected on its kills.”

Humans, fuck yeah.

Sauce?

I want to cast humans as the warlike-type, with a great endurance (physical and mental) as compared to the aliens.

Ouuuughh those are some pretty manly humans. Conan in space.

Humans: Fan-fucking-tastic.

Holy fucking shit. Sauce, or failing that, moar.

This shit is great.

Basically, humans are Rorschach in SPAAAAACE. They're the fuckers who hid in your cryo-compartment and then twist off yoru mandibles.

>>2709653
The picture? No clue.

I wrote the text.

Aliens prefer to use only robotic armies while the humans have a living/machine mix of cybernetic soldiers in power armor and straight up AIs.

>Of all the violence-capable sophont clades, Humans are the only ones who strap themselves into armored shells and drop out of the atmosphere onto enemy positions. And that’s only after they soften up any ground resistance with orbital bombardment.

The Codex Astartes names this maneuver Steel Rain. We shall descend upon the enemy, we shall overwhelm them, we shall leave none alive!

It's kind of nice to have a universe where humans are thuggish brutes with little or no compunction regarding genocide. Oh wait, 40K. OK, another universe.
I'm actually kind of interested in the aliens. Maybe I'm just more civilised. Or maybe I prefer bigger guns.

Sorta like Mass Effect.

Humans are so fucking hard-core that we make the other alien races piss themselves with fear at thought of us turning on them.

Fuck yeah, Humanity! We'll free the shit outta you!

>>2709671
write more nao

>>2709671
Hello, fellow rpgnetter.

Nice to see a scenario in which humans ARENT pissed on by every alien race and their macbook-aesthetic tech.

Fuck Yeah

This was Heinlein's greatest lesson - Mankind always wins because mankind is the baddest of asses.

It's definitely way better than the usual "Oh humans are not as good as us space elves" crap sci-fi likes to throw at us. We're a race that's constantly at war with ourselves, and most of our important technology starts as a military application first, you'd think we'd be good at fucking over the other guy by now.

Also seconding sauce/moar.

>>2709693
I saw that thread, but I was channeling this one:
http://forum.rpg.net/showthread.php?t=353845

Humans seem quite hardcore, OP.
May I suggest Supernova-ing all star systems they inhabit? Then dumping all remaining matter in black holes.

It's the only way to be sure!

ITT, basement-dwelling neckbeard losers try to pretend that BEING HUMAN MAKES THEM AWESOME.

I am disgusted.

>>2709713
Well, yeah, the flip side is that it doesn't really help you if you're a species that can benchpress their own body weight when we remove your atmosphere all the way to the Oort Cloud.

>>2709720

I was thinking of giving humans their own space (centered around Earth, I guess) and have them encroaching on the aliens' Union space. So, a little border conflict, resource wars.

Each side taking on traits and culture along the edges, with more insulated communities deeper inside pushing a more reactionary stance.

Or perhaps the aliens are really old and have genetically- and socially-engineered violence out of most of the clades. So these humans show up and are totally badass compared to what exists.

Suddenly you have humans out-performing and out-competing centuries old alien institutions, etc.

>>2709720
... what are you, some kind of typing monkey?
OF COURSE BEING HUMAN MAKES US AWESOME!

>>2709720
ITT: We put little to no effort into our trolling attempts.

Pretty neat stuff, OP. It really catches you off guard because, as some people pointed out, it's not often you see the Humans shown in this kind of light. We're normally the generic, jack-of-all-trades ones. Frankly I think it's bullshit, and would welcome seeing more Human portrayals like your own.

Good stuff. Now write more.

I'll work on some stuff and post it tomorrow. I need to collapse and sleep. Or sleep-type. I don't know.

>>2709741
>ITT: We put little to no effort into our trolling attempts.
Putting effort into trolling is a bad idea, as you risk getting no result for a substantial investment; it's best to troll frequently and with no effort applied; you'll get lucky at some point, and until you do, the sheer quantity of trolling is in and of itself a troll.

I've always liked sci-fi that had humanity's dominant traits as tenacity and adaptability. Aggression is all well and good, but if we're ever at a stage where we have a unified world governement, I believe there will be less MUST KILL ALL WHO ARE DIFFERENT and more EXPLOIT THEM FOR OUR OWN BENEFIT.

>>2709755
No there won't. That's all humans have ever been really good at.

>>2709630
>>2709633
I whole heartedly, 101% support this writefaggotry.

>>2709720
... What are you even getting angry at?

Us enjoying the idea of humans being a dominant species in the galaxy in the far future?

OH HEAVEN FORBID! NEXT WE'LL BE SAYING SOMETHING HORRIBLE LIKE WE ENJOY BEING HUMAN!

>>2709762
You read 4chan. This is what humans are like. That's shameful, not enjoyable.

tl;dr double nigger

>>2709762
Ko'vash tau'va vor shi.

>>2709770
Then perhaps you kill yourself, what with you being one of us 'shameful creatures'.

>>2709786
You first.

>>2709755
I must have missed the part where the OP said humans were at a stage where they had a unified world government.

That's another good way to make humans unique. Humans could be one of the few species in space who's homeworld hasn't become a monoculture.

>>2709671
After today, this topic made my night. You've helped me believe we humans probably could outkill anything among the stars. And if D&D is right, we'll probably fuck and impregnate anything we don't kill immediately.

Fucking awsome ! I had thought about this before, also read about it in a few books, but didn't see anything with this level of badassitude.

Anyway, humans breathe oxygen, one of the most poisonous materials in the universe. It's the same fucking thing that makes FIRE. It fucking kills METALS, and we need it to BREATHE.
From a totally alien being's viewpoint that must be at least startling, if not outright scary. I read in arthur c. clarcke's book odissey 3010, that this is what enables us to be so fast, compared to his slow, amphibious aliens. The chemical reactions that fuel our body are pretty powerful, relatively speaking.

Also, check out the local fauna, which from a sci-fi viewpoint, was turned into wallets and clothes.
Even our cows, which we eat, are FUCKING MONSTROUS. An alien will shit himself if a cow moos at him, it's a fucking 500kg slab of muscle and fat, capable of crushing a man to death. We made an industry of killing , eating, and using their bodily remains.

I like this viewpoint. In a multi-alien galaxy, making human the "baseline" is silly, forcing every alien playable race to be "humans in a funny suit". May be good for fantasy, but not sci-fi.

>>2709823
This.

wait a second. does this mean +4 str ?

ITT Star Control.

>>2709857
+4str +4stam.

LEATHER BELT.

This needs to be developed a little, i think. not too much, just flesh out some different perspectives, i.e. what humans think of the aliens etc.

still, bloody awesome job. Is that an oh-so-subtle Heinlein reference in the second section?

Best part of this thread was "EYE OF THE TIGER" came on as I started reading.

>>2709823
This is why I don't like Star Trek "lol we advanced beyond that", bullshit. People are innately aggressive and predatory, we want our territory.

We also want our bitches, if it has a hole or a vaguely phallic proturbance someone somewhere will fuck it.

Fuck yeah, humans. Aliens can suck on our terrifyingly rigid genitalia.

"Humans are not only immune to our Gifts, but nullify their effects in a large radius. For this reason, they refuse to believe in the existence of 'psionics' (as they disparagingly call the Gifts)."

>>2709839
Look at what else we do!
We roll POISON into little cylinders and SMOKE IT TO RELAX!
We expose ourselves to harsh environments with nothing but nylon for shelter for pleasure!
Some countries even allow Everydayman Pissant to carry around death dealing projectiles.

I'd be fucking terrified of us too!

>>2709630
>Vuux
>Vux
>VUX
Animooted.

>>2709818
>Humans could be one of the few species in space who's homeworld hasn't become a monoculture.

Exactly. I mean, we're able to fly into space NOW and have been killing each other for thousands of years. What makes anyone think we would drop that habit once we can fly out a bit further?

Human Pride niggaz.

We're hard as fucking nails.

I shall bump this thread, for the glory of Mankind.

All that you see around you is the work of human hands.

>>2709948
there are way too many Captain Zelnick/Admiral ZEX fanfics out there.

goddamn i love this thread, talk about an ego boost

We take our own violent nature, and turn it into entertainment. Action movies, violent video games, even sports like martial arts or fencing are all derived from actions which, in the end, are intended to end the lives of sentient beings. and we enjoy them in our spare time.

>>2709950
We're willing to purge entire subsections of our species on the flimsiest of ridiculous and completely nonsensical justifications.

Imagine what we'd do to the fucking xenos.

>>2709963
Not enough.

Oh, how I long for your squiddy embrace, ZEX.

One Human can be bad enough, but get a few of them together and you better watch what you say.

>>2709630
This topic is one reason why I like 40k so much. Because humans were a bunch of psycho mother fuckers that willingly killed off any alien and treated them all like the bitches they really were. Not the other way around.

>>2709933 The good countries even allow Everydayman Pissant to carry around death dealing projectiles.

Fixed.

>One prisoner slammed his brain case into a guard, and then beat them to death with his bare hands.

FUCK YEAH BRAINCASE

That's what I'm calling my head from now on.

Orks.

End of Thread.

"Humans present a substantial problem for the Theory of Evolution. It is difficult to find an aspect of human biology that is remotely competitive. They metabolise a variety of corrosive gases, their process of reproduction is lethally dangerous and their respiration and food orifices are combined in such a fashion as to almost guarantee suffocation by misconsumed food articles. And that's not to consider the damage done to their spine and musculature by an inexplicable instinct to balance on the hind legs."

>>2709983
I've always wondered what the Orks thought of the other races.

>>2709978

Don't fuck up a good thread. I won't comment upon your viewpoint, but I'm sure others will be tempted to, and it has potential for shitstorm. take it to /k/

Humans cook their food by blasting it with microwave radiation. They're scary.

>>2709932
"Yeah, that's why our ambassadors keep 'em away from regen facilities and the Academies. I mean, in the first, half the patients would die. In the second, all those especially Gifted students would get Blanked." *shudders in his carapace* "Excrement! It's eerie enough for me to be around them, but for someone very sensitive like Academy students... Well, you remember the infamous 89939 experiments, right?"

>>2709990


Humies are made for gettin' stomped by da WAAAAAAAAGH

>>2709995
And they consider that the lowest of the food they make.

>>2709982
WATCH OUT, YOU ALIEN MOTHERFUCKERS, I'VE GOT A BRAINCASE AND I WILL USE IT TO BEAT YOU TO DEATH.

We poison our air and water to weed out the weak. We set off fission bombs in our only biosphere. We nailed our god to a stick. Don't fuck with the human race.

>>2709990
dakka dakka choppa choppa?

A human is always armed, so long as he has his braincase.

>>2710000
Yeah, most of the time they use small, controlled fires.

>>2710017
Some of even us use the verb for sex as both an insult and an implication of violence.

Language shows a lot about us.

I kind of want to ehar about an alien ivnasion that goes instantly and terribly awry for the aliens. None of this heroic struggle by outgunned human resistance fighters stuff, I want to see alien generals having an O SHI moment before they get stomped and kicked off our planet.

Pursuit predators. Humans are the goddamn terminator.

Or the Luggage.

>>2709933
We drink poison too, and derive enjoyment from the temporary malfunctioning it causes in our higher brain functions. The higher the toxin level the greater the beverage; diluting the toxin with water is severely frowned upon.

Alan Dean Foster wrote a trilogy based on this premise of humans being the ultimate insane warrior race. The Damned was about two collectives, one a mind controlling bunch of aliens called the Amplitur who absorbed other cultures as semi-mind controlled communists, the other the allied races of the Weave. The problem was no race was actually good at war.

And then they found humanity....and humans were insane. And they fought well....so well they scared the hell out of everyone.........and were naturally immune to the mind control powers of the Amplitur.

This only made the weave even more nervous about their new found allies......

"You want to know about the humans? Let me tell you something, comrade. You want to stay far away from them if they're in a fighting mood, because there are plenty of them to go around, and they're not at all shy about killing each other to get the pleasure of killing you."

"Eighteen years back, I was serving with the Coalition in the Battle of N49. Us, the [Andromedans], and the [Milky Way Defense Command], all against the Red Star Council. And about halfway through the battle one of their big cruisers- you know the type- gets into a direct gun-duel with one of the Council's big gunships. They get torn apart in short order, but we've got our hands full and no way to evac them. We expected them to sue the Council for their surrender, and I think they did too."

"Instead, the crazy [untranslatable] fire up the main engines and drive their ship STRAIGHT INTO THE COUNCIL BATTLECRUISER. And as if that wasn't enough, while everyone's staring at the debacle, they touch off their reactors!"

"There were seventeen thousand humans crewing that ship. I saw the battle report afterwards- the Council folded almost immediately after the battlecruiser went. They deemed it "a regrettable but acceptable loss."


"Stay far away from the human sectors, comrade."

>>2710038
RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE

>>2710041
Jesus christ I can only apologise for the huge pile of typos in that post.

>>2710041
I think I've only read one instance of that, and it was in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy series, of all places.

>>2709933
FUCK YEAH DRUGS!
We synthesise chemicals that are put into our brains to trigger chemical shock for the EXPRESS PURPOSE OF HALLUCINATING!
We are FUCKING HARDCORE!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Damned_Trilogy

>>2710043
Humans are actually ambush predators par excellence. Pursuit and all that? Not so much. But Jesus Christ we will fuck your shit up in a surprise attack with everything we have.

>>2710068
We cover our food in neurotoxin.

For the flavour.

Entire sectors of the Human leisure industry are dedicated to the production and sale of liquid inebriants which damage the body's internal organs and cause dehydration. Humans sometimes make a GAME out of consuming these inebriants.

>>2710072
huh, doesn't look like it's on bookchan

>>2710075
Actually, we're exceptional at pursuit. There's plenty of stuff that can run faster than us, but there's very little that can run longer than us.

There's tribal hunting methods that just consist of constantly chasing an animal over a long stretch of land until it dies of exhaustion, and it works surprisingly well.

>>2710075
I think following things for days until they literally fall down dead counts as pursuit. We're ok at ambush, but only really good at it with weapons - pursuit just involves out-Luggaging everything else.

Also we're pretty much the fastest thing on the planet, for sustained travel.

The Alan Dean Foster trilogy is actually pretty entertaining for a light read.

This thread MUST be archived. For the glory of humanity!

>>2709969

Add paintball and airsoft to the list. Hell, add nerf. We make harmless versions of weapons as toys for children.

actually... that is actually pretty fucking disturbing...

>>2710046
>>2710081

Almost BOOZEMIND

>>2710097
>but only really good at it with weapons
Note that the very first technological innovations of humanity were ways to more efficiently kill other creatures.

>>2710102
What are the books called?

Humans. The only species willing to strap explosives to themselves, infiltrate a public facility, and kill or maim an untold number of innocents to prove a point.

For great justice, ARCHIVE THIS THREAD!

>>2710118
see
>>2710072

Humans are so hardcore their first innovations were ways of making killing easier. Don't mess with homo sapiens sapiens.

>>2710111
My grandpa was stationed in Korea after the war. They had little league football.

It scared the SHIT out of the Asians!

>>2710097

And they are constantly in pursuit of building and owning machines that will allow us to go faster, despite the damage they may cause to the biosphere. In fact, the faster a human is capable of going, the greater his status appears to be.

It took more than 50 Terran years from the invention of the "motorcar" before laws were passed to ensure the use of safety restraints in said vehicles.

I am the Emperor of Mankind and I not only approve of this thread, but I demand archive for the honor of our race.

>>2710132
Similar story with Canadian troops and hockey.

>>2710077
Out of curiosity what?
I know a number of things in food are poison but which one is neurotoxic?

This thread is awesome.

We should make a second one of this sometime, maybe tomorrow

>>2710137
Yet weapons were mounted in said vehicles almost instantly.

If you're going to compare humans to aliens, keep in mind that humans have LUDICROUS endurance compared to other members of the animal kingdom, because there were substantial periods in human history when anybody who couldn't keep tracking prey for days at a time without proper rest would starve to death right off.

Any race with ANY significant physical advantages is likely to lack that, and the mental traits that come with it.

>>2710097, too.

>>2710145
OP said he would do more writefaggotry tomorrow...

>>2710142
Hot Sauce.

The burning effect comes from extremely diluted toxins.

Humans consider one of the greatest career paths available to be piloting conveyances that use explosions for thrust.

>>2710138
It's already on sup/tg/.

>>2710151
That's a really good point I hadn't really thought of.

This thread has filled me both with "FUCK YEAH HOMOSAPIENS!" and terror of my own race.

Humans are constantly conditioned almost from birth to regard lethal violence as valid entertainment, and are taught to revere those who choose to kill other humans as a career.

We routinely bombard ourselves with high amplitude sonic vibrations as a recreational activity. The more intense energy output used in this activity, the better the experience.

Rock on Humanity!

"I was attending a gathering at the human ambassadors residence of Seare, and happened upon the children of the human occupants. They were watching what appeared to be live footage of a war, but was revealed to be a tactical simulation, analogous to that used in our military education establishments.

We must keep close watch on these children, and others like them. there must be some thought of training them as the next generation of generals. The thought of otherwise exposing infants to the horrors of war is ludicrous"

Legion commanders! Dare not underestimate the humans! Their main means of locomotion burn up unreplaceable parts of their home world made from the bones of dead animals! It doesnt end there Dur'as'ka! These locomotion devices can explode with simple pressures! Who are these death craving fiends?

>>2710153
Mmmm....
Jalapeno Chili.

>>2710162
I can't seem to find it.

>>2710151

"Log, day six. [Pursuit/flight] continues. Crew mental status worsens. Have increased [combat drug] dosages. [Expletive] hyom'ns."

>>2710179
The resultant damage to the senses is a badge of honour.

"Rock on humanity."

"Pardon?"

"I said ROCK ON HUMANITY."

The human taste in literature is highly disturbing, to say the least. While they have some civilised pieces, regarding philosophy and emotion, too much is simple obscenity. murders are glorified, and the more they kill, the more famous they become, while wars are remembered almost fondly, referred back to time and time again in tale after tale of slaughter and debauchery. What kind of race could revel in its own sociopathy?

Just to add to the thread a little.
Humans are as "hardcore" as they are because we evolved as territorial, tribal predators. Frankly, even at our most primitive, we're little walking gangs of rape for most other animals. We're even instinctively programmed to find a way to destroy, rather than flee, superior threats. Notice how every monster movie ends with the monster getting fucked over?
Admittedly, there might be some hardcore stuff out there, but it's going to have to work very hard to be scarier than us.

>>2710185
Nevermind I found it.

Large and potentially dangerous doses of highly toxic chemicals and radiation are widely accepted as valid treatments for a variety of ailments. Even in medicine, the humans are exceedingly brutal.

>>2710190

I'm now imagining an entire human division throwing up the horns before diving into battle with the foul otherworlders.

That and tanks equipped with massive banks of speakers blasting AC/DC and KISS as sonic warfare. The aliens are surrendering and whimpering, and their captors are headbanging as they direct them to the back of the lines.

Humans took a long time to fully develop methods of preserving history, and so much of their past is only remembered by what methods of war were currently being waged and what ores were in use for weapons.

>>2710185
http://www.alandeanfoster.com/version2.0/frameset.htm

>>2710190

do I hear some GOLDFISH WARNING all up in this

(rock band + powerful transmitters + enemy communication frequencies...)

>>2710207
Put your tentacles in the air or we WILL play Iron Maiden.

Also consider that our tech might be WAY in advance of any aliens we encounter. Its our turn to gang probe.

The fact that Humans expose themselves to sunlight in order to damage their skin and make it assume a darker hue just adds weight to the theory that this species is in love with death.

Some humans even worship a insane sociopathic god that commits all kinds of atrocities like killing their own children and yet they consider this god to be loving and merciful.

>>2710218
If it has holes, it will be fucked by some enterprising soul. No exceptions.

>>2710215
"Put hands, claws, tentacles or whatever fucking extremities you have in the air or we will play Korn at 150 FUCKING DECIBELS MOTHERFUCKERS!"

Fuck, if I was an alien and I saw our world history... FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

I mean, we tested the A bomb when several people WHO BUILT IT said there was a chance that it would END ALL LIFE AS WE NOW IT.
And now we're firing up the LHC which MIGHT make a black hole.

We are ALL crazy motherfuckers.

>>2710225
In fact they routinely thank this god for allowing them to sacrifice children to him.

>>2710041
"Of the mighty armada that had left Imperial space to claim the blue planet there was no word. The transmissions had ceased abruptly, but long range communication was prone to mishaps, and no one was overly concerned."

"When the transit pod dropped from hyperspace it was assumed to be space junk at first, but a very weak transponder signal caused enough interest that the Governor-General ordered an investigation. The pod's sole occupant, a technician from the Armada's flagship had been driven to insanity by what he had witnessed, but he still managed to push a box into the Governor-General's grasp before collapsing."

"None of us were quite expecting what we found inside, if we knew to expect anything at this point. Staring back from the box were the lifeless eyes of the Lord Admiral, well two of his lifeless eyes at least, the third had been destroyed by a projectile which had left a gaping exit wound amongst his antennae. Accompanying the head was a small piece of paper on which was drawn a crude representation of a four-limbed biped, raising the middle digit of his forelimb in some sort of gesture."

"A translation of the short accompanying text proved to be a suggestion to do something physically impossible."

>>2710221
You only have to look at the gloomy obsession with treatment of deceased humans in early cultures (see embalming, insistence on using 'special' ground to bury the deceased) to come to the conclusion that the entire race is close to being a violent death cult.

Humans can make implements of death out of ANYTHING, despite lacking any built-in weapons.

Now consider the (rather different) mindset a, say, defanged and declawed intelligent tiger (or whatever) would have.

>>2710153
It's not really a neurotoxin, but it does trigger pain receptors, which is just as badass.

Humans preferentially select foods that mimic their response to damage. For the flavor.

Also, it think it was a series of Niven stories that had humanity narrowly stalemate our first interstellar war, but the second time we were invaded we kicked so much alien ass that we were an overnight superpower. Apparently the rate at which we coopted tech was completely unheard of.

It doesn't matter what weapon you use against the humans, within [ten years] they'll be using it against you at a scale you could hardly imagine.

Rather than fight disease directly, humans deliberately inject themselves with crippled versions of deadly plagues, so that their bodies will shrug them off with minor effects. Their immune systems are so hardy that even the quickest-mutating pathogen barely effects them; they call this "just a cold" and treat their infection like a minor inconvenience!

>>2710218
Actually, I think it's more likely that we encounter a species that is similar in overall advancement, but has very different specialties. For example, a race with advanced travel and communication technologies owing from a social structure based on peaceful expansion and fleeing as conflict resolution. Then the encounter us, where deadly ballistic weapons are common among civilians and there is more than enough nuclear bomb to make our planet uninhabitable.

This "human" race is an interesting topic of debate. While it is easy to simply dismiss them as an entire race of demented sociopaths, the fact that their culture has not self-destructed in an orgy of uninhibited violence seems to imply there is something more to them. The manner in which their culture adapts these violent tendencies to survive past the lifetimes of its individual members can possibly be explained in the brevity of their own existence. A "human" seeks out every avenue of its existence and takes from it all it can before being snuffed out like the flames that spawn from the poisonous gas they breathe. Is it so hard then to admire their passion. We see them as monsters, but perhaps in them there is something we ourselves can aspire to.

by Alan Dean Foster. The 'alien' is a human.

The alien scrutinized the trooper as casually as if different life-forms in radically different shapes were more common than pebbles on a shingle beach. This inspection continued for several minutes, during which time communications flew across the ether but no one took any action. All waited to see what the alien would do next.
As for the trooper yclept Yadiz, he became so embarrassed by his own futility that he began swapping his weapon from hand to hand and back again.
“Surely it’s not that heavy,” remarked the alien with complete and surprising fluency. As he spoke he eyed the weapon and sniffed.
Startled, the trooper dropped the gun, which promptly went off with a high-pitched, ear-splitting crash. A piece of rock flew into shards and something whined shrilly through the air. The alien turned and followed the whine with its eyes until the sound finally died out.
Then the creature said gently to Yadiz, “Wasn’t that rather silly?”

>>2710232
Hahaha, bravo.

>>2710206
Their own physicians claim that, "it kills the same number of human and cancerous cells, but the human has more."
They do this with their own bodies! Imagine their willingness to expend people with whom they have no personal connection!

There's an Asimov story with a similar theme to this thread. An ancient alien empire allies with earth, but is conspiring to take us over, as they consider us weak and young (They are about 500 times older than us or some shit). When it comes to the battle, we completely and utterly obliterate them, because while they have been in peace for millennia, we have been fighting and, well, necessity is the mother of invention.

>>2710207
>>2710215
So humans are... Noise Marines.

This is a species that traditionally provides nutrition for its helpless, live birthing young, for up to the first or second orbital year of their lives. By dispensing a fluid from engorged fat-surrounded glands.

When the human larvae are dispensed, they are still physically attached to the gestation chamber of the female. No wonder they are so enamored with violence... the first act the young witnesses is this connection with its mother being severed with a sharp knife.

>>2710231
Many believe that they will be rewarded for detoting garments packed with explosives in public spaces whilst still maintaining that the deity is benevolent. The belief that a deity can be glorified through the detonation of crude explosive devices has been present in almost all sects almost since the invention of explosives.

The Human Navy has preserved the use of boarding parties as a primary means of victory. After pursuing their quarry to the point of total exhaustion on both sides, the Humans will summon up the energy for one last push: they set upon the vessel in small landing boats with the intent of overrunning the crew. These teams often pack sufficient munitions to scuttle the ship in the event they do not overtake their intended victims, for while looting is always in the forefront of the Human mind their leaders are not by any means above committing these teams to suicidal missions if it appears they may lose the upper hand. Woe betide any crewman who does not parish in the initial fighting, as the Humans are well known for their brutality and willingness to leave any survivors to drift through space until their eventual death.

>>2710200
Note that most tribal warfare in our prehistory revolved around systematic genocide of opposing social groups. Not in pitched fights - those were usually more for ritual & show than anything - but hideously lopsided ambushes and night raids on women, children, and men unable to defend themselves. In virtually every primitive culture documented, at least 20% of the death rate is/was from interpersonal violence, and that is an absolute baseline.

Extermination: the uniquely human excellence.

>>2710258
Humans are the Chaos gods.
Tzeentch's ingenuity, Nurgle's endurance, Slaanesh's lust for experience, and of course Khorne's RIPNTEAR.

>>2710247
Well that guy's done for. I mean he'd be scrwed with a regular human, but that's not a regular human he's got there, it's Michael Caine!

>>2710271
And our dedication to self-destruction must be Malal.

I don't exactly remember what happened. I was on Ta'Kee, in the single bar they had. It's this tradepost station above one of their mining colonies.

These little Mara'Kee skittering around, making little "tap-tap" noises. They didn't drink anything though, no. They were just moving around, cleaning, or some such. I don't know. Only patrons at the bar were humans, anyway, and one Soo.

Anyway, I was sitting there, yeah ? minding my own bussiness and all, drinking some vodka, and suddenly here comes this 'kee, with his crew of eight or something, and walks up to my table. So this damn bug, much bigger then the rest, reaching almost to my ribs yeah ? I'm talking really big. Anyway he walks up to me, and says "Human Claydon Nash, you must accompany us to the detention cell, there you will await trial".

I spit my vodka, which causes the little bugs to move back and make these "krick krick" noises really fast.
The big one raises this baton thing in one of it's arms, or legs, or whatever. "Cease all attacks, Human Claydon Nash, and accompany us immediately".
I look around, of course everyone is looking away, except the soo, which stares at me with these freaky eye things. I tell him, like, "fuck it, buggy, i'll go". I hear his translator clicking at him, then some of the little ones go around my back, and we start walking out of the bar.

>>2710268
This seems appropriate, somehow. Fuck your scything space-lasers. We've got men with future-shotguns slamming into your hull AND THEY ARE GOING TO SKULLFUCK YOU WITH MAGSPIKE BOOTS.

>>2710263
that works damn well, really.

Things get serious at the detention block, though. I ask the big one what's going on, only it takes a few tries because his translator doesn't get me. Then he tells me "The Vau-Vau-X unity has requested you for
questioning". I start shitting my pants, yeah ? few months before that I was with the crew of bastards and we hijacked a few of their electronics convoys. Maybe broke a few Vau along the way, but it's not like they care, yeah ?

So I say to him, "look, mate, no way i'm going. They want me bad. Just let me get outta here, i'll make it worth your while."

I swear, bugs can't blink, but he managed it anyway. "I do not comprehend. You want me to act against my orders, and compensate me with credits ?"
"Hell yeah, buggy. The Vau are going to kick my ass bad. I need to get out of here. Didn't do anything bad to you and yours, mate."

"I have been given strict orders, human. The Vau-Vau-X have expressed a high degree of will to aquire you, and my superiours have issued a legal warrant for your deportation".

So this is serious, yeah ? So I see I have one option.

Partial transcript follows.

"Humans are quite resilient as implant carriers. They can survive receiving a full neurotransfer suite... after reaching their FULLY GROWN PHASE[1]. They can even learn to use it. Not to its full potential, obviously, but passably well."

"I think I can explain why they can learn to use such things. They quite often use the brute-force approach."

"Brute force? I suppose they have muscle in excess, but how is that relevant?"

"Brute force in the problem-solving sense. The technique in which each possible solution is tested. They'll attempt anything, if desperate enough; they're heedless of low success rates, of risk. The problem [with humans using these methods] is that it sometimes works. Remember when they [2] captured that trade combine freighter?"

"Yes. They use technology [from that ship in]... all their new ships now."

"Exactly. Let me give you of some privileged information [3]. They had no idea how the interface worked, when they initiated a Jump away from the escort ships. Doing such a thing is obscenely unlikely. They did not attempt it twice. [4]"

[1] Medical report on human resilience is in the public database. M2.9718
[2] A human subfaction, see infogather report 7.422
[3] Gathered using standard methods for nonconsentual information dissemination
[4] They spent nearly half a cycle determining the interfacing functions before attempting a second jump, back to their primary system. See infogather report 7.582

>>2710124
It is done.

>>2710258
\=/- FUCK YEAH! SLAANESH! -\=/

I jump the buggy, head butting it in the fucking face. It falls.
Now the small ones are jumping all over me, stinging. They have this poison, yeah ? and i'm half drunk on vodka anyway. So i'm like "DIE FUCKERS", pummeling left and right until I hear them running away.

Turns out buggy poison makes you a bit high, and with the alcohol, I could barely walk straight. I think I stepped on the big one when I started walking, they make this "crunch" sound, heh, anyway...

So I start walking out of detention, and at the doorway back to the common area, I see this team of bugs
holding their tazer things. I start to run out, and they all shoot me at the same time. Here I am , with like five tazers stuck in me, high on poison, drunk, I swear to god, fuck it.

Most tazers just annoy, but one stuck in my leg, and I can't work it because it locked up, I guess it hurt like a motherfucker too. So I limp as fast as I can towards the door, throw the baton at one of the bugs, knocking it out, the door is looked so I fucking KICK IT OPEN, with a bit of the wall around it crashing on a few bugs outside.

Tazers fall out, more bugs are comming, and I run like MAD. In the common areas no one even tries to stop me, and I think when I passed the bar, I could hear some human chearing for me.

Bugs are waiting at the airlock to my ship. I rush them, I swear to god I love the crunch sound. they hit me with their batons a few times, they supposed to stun you or something. Gave me some nasty burns, but I didn't feel at the time.

The various human cultures seem incapable of forming a single coherent whole as is the norm throughout the rest of the galaxy. Whereqas others formed a single coherent cultural whole for the species, the humans obstinately refuse to do the same and regularly indulge in brief but highly destructive bouts of intercultural culling.

Humanity also has a habit of keeping the sub-species 'canine' as a pet. This animal varies in size and shape, but most have enough jaw strength to bite through flesh and bone...

And they keep these things as PETS, often bought for their children!

However, it must be noted that humans go through some lengths to train these beasts to the point of absolute loyalty.

The human capacity to change is fascinating.
I myself have witnessed a human military officer, who is tasked solely with the purpose of abusing his subordinates until they bond, take a group I suspected of severe genetic ailments - excess fat tissue, panic during crisis situations - and turn them into the perfect murder machines that have come to know and fear. We have long suspected that humans in their homelands are weaker than those we regularly encounter, but it is clear that even the weak ones can become dangerous with minimal effort.
I would not advise an invasion of any human-controlled system at this time.

Lame HUMEN IZ BESTEST thread designed to make neckbeards feel less insecure about themselves even though 40k already sucks massive EMPRAHREEM cock

So the inner airlock door is fucking locked. I have no idea what to do, when I see the Soo from the bar slithering at me from behind. I almost jump him when he says "I come to you in peace, human. I will help you."

He looks at the broken bugs with no emotion, and back at me. "I have urgent need of transportation, and I can help you. Do we have an accord" ?

I'm like, groaning inside. Here I am, running from bug and vau law, about to make a deal with a SOO. maybe I should go turn myself in, yeah ?

No. I say, after a few seconds "Sure thing, mate." I make room for the little guy at the door. He takes out this electronic kit, and messes around with the lock until it opens. I hear click click sounds of bugs running from behind, but the Soo was good, and the door opened fast.

So I was out of there in a few minutes, And now I'm burned on 'kee stations too. And I owe a favor to a soo.
And the vau are after me. I'm high, drunk, bleeding, covered with electric bruises.
And i'm thinking "GOD DAMN, I DIDN'T EVEN FINISH THE VODKA !"

>>2710312
Token troll is token.

FUCK YEAH HUMAN WARLUST.

I can just imagine an entire army of aliens being outright terrified of a single slightly maladjusted US Marine with a combat knife or a hatchet because their directed-energy weapons might kill one of them, but gives us a mild sunburn.

"Look out! It has a sharp piece of metal! All is lost!"

>>2710312
way to read the thread, WH40K stuff is barely mentioned

>>2710312
TROLL. GET. THE. FUCK. OFF. MY. THREAD.

"Your basic human is between three and twenty-five feet tall, and is mostly composed of an oily goo wrapped in a t-shirt."
"Is it true that they bite you on the neck to drain your transmission fluid, and then you become human yourself?"
"Sure, why not?"

>>2710316

Like that Simpsons episode when Kodos and Kang are ran out of town by Moe with a nailbat.

Humans are an incredibly odd species. While most creatures couldn't dream of putting themselves in danger, they do it for the sake of health. They put all sorts of chemicals in their body to cure ailments. They don't even understand how any of it works. They simply know that it doesn't kill them, and they're happy with that. They even frequently experiment with new chemicals, trying to cure more ailments with potentially deadly ingredients!

>>2710316
If I was an alien, I'd be more worried about people like disgruntled arab farmers and angry yokels of various kinds.

>>2710326
>are ran

>>2710312
A butthurt alien! Get him, men!

>>2710308
They'll keep slaves of ANYTHING they can get their grippers on. From the tiniest aquatic invertebrate to massive land herbivores, and carnivores of various sizes. Even other humans, as part of their utterly bizarre monogamous mating habits, though a good number of them seem to have the common sense to defy those bonds and safely disperse their genetic material through a variety of outside mates.

Did I mention some of them keep inanimate rocks as "pets"?

>>2710331
Some humans even deliberately put themselves in incredible danger just for fun.

>>2710336
IT'S FUCKING ON, NOW.

>>2710316
Dark-skinned people don't even feel it.

>>2710331
Addendum: This anthropologist has found evidence that humans once excised parts of patient's brains, unknowing of the consequences, in order to attempt to 'cure' them. It seems that even their medicine is based around destruction and experimentation.

>>2710340
The preoccupation with hurling themselves out of moving aircraft and off cliffs and bridges is another symptom of a species-wide psychosis.

All human children, from the earliest stages of post-uterine development, are encouraged to partake in feats of violence and strife with one another, to establish which group is the victor. With no tangible benefit presenting itself, they compete purely for the sake of dominion and ego. Often these competitions will involve forceful physical contact and injuries, which is considered a part of the developmental process.

It should come as no surprise that the species is so malajusted.

>>2710354
they have claimed that they do this for the "high," which is a release of endorphins easily achieved by amusing oneself in any number of safe and prosocial manners.

"Observation indicates that many of their tactical simulations- used to desensitize their offspring to violent actions- are not given freely, but instead must be purchased of the offspring's own time and money. In this way, training for what is often bloody combat, simulated homicide, and sometimes even wanton acts of destruction is seen as a sort of commerce and reward."

Read up on some human history. During their early evolutionary history, there were several human sub-species. One among them called "Neanderthal". Do you know what the humans did to all of their species brothers? They utterly exterminated them down to the last one until they were the only kind of human left. They will willingly exterminate members of their own race for any reason and sometime none at all. Think of what they would do to use if they could?

>>2710373
WE'RE COMING FOR YOU NEXT, ET.

This thread seems to be slowly slipping away from human badassery to condescending space elves looking down on our violent ways.

It has been suggested that the harsh environment the human species originated in is responsible for much of their aggression. The environment of Sol-3 (or Earth, colloquially) is volatile in the extreme. Massive salt water oceans are pulled about the surface of the planet by lunar tides. This combines with a constant colossal movement of air about the planet to make storms of mind boggling size and ferocity. “Hurricane” is a water/air hybrid storm that flings masses of water and air about, sometimes leveling or flooding whole cities. “Tornado” is an electrically charged vortex of winds that can demolish even the strongest human structure, yet they commonly build vast both vast cites and, even more astounding, clusters of flimsy dwellings called ‘mobile homes’, in areas renowned for the violence of these storms. The planetary temperatures create both vast areas of frozen water and dehydrated desert, and humanity has filled even these inhospitable climes with everything from crude structures hand made of local materials to large ‘resorts’ where humans PAY to subject themselves to prolonged exposure to solar radiation or swim in large tubs of water filled with chlorine!

>>2710386
And they are terrified by us. My Species boner is so hard right now.

>>2710373
Perhaps, then, their constant infighting is for the best. With any luck, they will not turn their attentions to our confederation of species in full force ever. We are dealing with a race bred and trained to slaughter other creatures.

>>2710386
You misunderstand. We're pantomiming space-elf criticism of our species in order to remind us of what makes us human and fill us with pride.
Some of these things are horrible, yes, but they are uniquely human. I am clannish, aggressive, and lustful, and while I seek to control and direct these traits, they feel good to have.

>>2710041
Harry Turtledove's "The Road Not Taken"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Road_Not_Taken_(short_story)

The Road Not Taken is a short story by Harry Turtledove, set in 2039, in which he presents a fictitious account of a first encounter between humanity and an alien race, the Roxolani. The story is told through limited third person point of view, with most of the story concerning a single Roxolani captain. During a routine journey of conquest, they happen upon Earth. The Roxolani anticipate a simple and rewarding campaign, as they can detect no use of gravity manipulation, the cornerstone of their civilization. Humanity is awed by the invaders, as the maneuverability granted by that technology suggests the rest of their civilization is equally impressive. But as they begin their assault, things take a turn for the absurd - the Roxolani attack with flintlock weapons and black powder explosives. Humans retaliate with automatic weapons and missiles. The battle is short, and most of the invaders are captured alive.

I am so hard right now. It's like there's a monolith in my pants.

>>2710403
When they are interrogated, the truth becomes evident. The Roxolani's method of manipulating gravity is absurdly simple, and they were thus able to begin utilizing aircraft, spacecraft, and even faster than light travel during their Age of Sail. This enabled them to engage in of wars of conquest not only on a planetary but a galactic scale. However, gravity technology by itself had no application other than transportation, and was such a bizarre discovery that their scientific theorems couldn't accommodate it. As a result, the scientific method was abandoned and their technological development ground to a halt. They have never achieved, for example, their equivalent of the Industrial Revolution, much less the Information Revolution. Most civilizations experience this at an even earlier stage of development, and the Roxolani found conquest a simple and productive endeavor.

In contrast, humanity somehow missed developing gravity technology, and its unfocused expenditure of creativity and resources thus resulted in less immediately rewarding and ultimately more versatile applications and development of a very wide range of knowledge - medicine, heavy industry, electric motors, computers, nuclear power, etc. But without gravity technology, they were restricted to a single solar system, and until recently a single planet.

The key phrase being were. The captured Roxolani ships reveal their secrets to any moderately trained eye, and gravity technology will spread like wildfire. Earth is overpopulated, the galaxy is filled with civilizations even less advanced than the Roxolani - the stage is set for humanity to build an interstellar empire.

Impact events have been a huge influence on the development of the Humans and their "culture." Although the chemistry of the planet was extremely toxic, it did follow a fairly standard progression from invertebrate to aquatic to amphibious to lizard, and showed great promise when sauropods ruled every biome. According to their scientists, this all came to an abrupt end when a large stellar mass fell into a shallow sea, but that seems to be a little bit too convenient.

It has to be seen to be believed, but the Humans have the bones of their saurian ancestors on display in grotesque, aggressive poses. Some say that it's a form of religion, others say that it just serves the curiosity of the mammals, but I know the truth; somehow, those filthy Humans are responsible for the death of the sauropods, and they like to display the trophies.

No, I don't know how they did it. But they thrive on conspiracy and extermination.

Hey hey hey! Human's aren't all savages! We've made PLENTY of diplomatic and economic trade agreements!
There have been Multiple instances of Human's responding to emergency beacons of other species!

Just don't overestimate yourself humanity.

"Oh these temples have been empty for billions of years according to the radi- ALL HAIL AZATHOTH!"

I met a terran once. At first, I was wary - any other sentient would be - but he turned out to be a friendly and hospitable character. Confused by the discrepancy between his behavior and the common portrayals of his species, (I believe it was male), he replied with a proverb:

"Speak softly and carry a big stick, you will go far."

>>2710424
for each treaty your species has made, our archivists can find a score of violations for each.
Even the ones which are seemingly harmless, like the Brzln-Vrs Copper Export treaty, have been flagrantly violated, time and again.

http://www.terrybisson.com/meat.html

They're made out of meat. No joke. I'm fucking serious.

>>2710422
Them's fighting words.

>>2710410
In the course of the story Turtledove presents what might happen if a technologically inferior species, with two advanced technologies unconnected to anything else, were to engage humanity in warfare. The story directly references the poem The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost when the conquered aliens are discussing why humanity is, in their eyes, so advanced.

In the discussions among the characters, the possible problems of life on Earth in the future are mentioned, with the expanded population and food shortages referenced as possible causes of war. One Roxolani wonders if there is truth to the Earth weapons of which they have heard, but not seen. His comrade said he believed them, because he heard the fear in their voices when speaking of nuclear weapons.

As the characters realize the impact of the narrow but critical Roxolani technology for another, generally more advanced society, the story closes with the characters asking themselves, "what have we done?"

Such awesome humanness!

The Terran Empire approves of this thread!

>>2710437
But think of all the valid applications of innate human savagery!

>>2710442
http://turtledove.wikia.com/wiki/Togram

Captain Togram commanded a company of foot on board the Roxolan star warship Indomitable. He participated in the invasion of Earth in 2039.

When the Indomitable came out of hyperdrive, Captain Togram first saw to his soldiers and then went to see the steerers Ransisc and his apprentice Olgren. They were busy attempting to locate habitable planets in this new star system. While Togram was there, the steerers discovered first Jupiter, then Mars and finally Earth. Ransisc sent Olgren to report this to Warmaster Slevon and the fleet proceeded to Earth.

>>2710448
Our diplomats have long since found ways to resolve any and all conflicts without violence. Your adaptability and endurance are admirable, but I'm afraid you and your kind are far too dangerous to trust fully. I do not mean to anger you, of course. We do not wish to risk your ire with careless words.

I now have the urge to run a game with the PCs as a group of beer-buddy hunters that get flung into the greater universe where they're revered as a crack squad of hardcore mercenaries. What system should I use?

>>2710456
On arrival, the ships congregated above the pole of the hemisphere with the most land. This doctrine made visual rendezvous easy prior to invasion. The Roxolan tested the atmosphere by using a flyer to take a luof down in an airlock and see if it survived. In this case it did.

The fleet landed and Togram deployed his foot from airlock three in two lines, one crouching and the other standing and aiming over the first's heads. He saw alien warriors already present and a delegation of local nobles approaching. He ordered his troops to fire, and then reload for a second volley before charging with bayonets. This show of force and superior technology always demoralized the primitives.

But not in this case. The first volley, which had brought down the delegation of nobles, had less effect on the warriors. Their returned fire did not sound like any gunfire Togram had ever heard. And it made none of the thick, choking clouds of smoke that gunpowder did. It did scythe his company as though they were a field of grain. Only a squad's worth of soldiers remained to begin their bayonet charge and they only advanced a half-sixteen paces before falling.

from the rpg.net thread

Humans are the only race to develop sarcasm.
Yeah... /that/ will do us a lot of good.

>>2710465
Hope rose when Togram saw a flyer swope down and musketeers began to fire from firing ports. Several pots of gunpowder were also dropped. But hope died when one of the local's aircraft destroyed the flyer. In addition, the local's cannons began firing making exploding sounds in the starship rather than the usual crashing sound solid shot made. One explosion flung debris towards Togram and the world went black.

When Togram regained consciousness, he first thought he had indulged in too much water-of-life the night before, especially given the way his head ached. But then he saw that the room he was in was as bright as day and yet the lamps in the ceiling did not flicker or smoke. His memory returned and he realized he was a prisoner of the aliens.

A few minutes later, two of the aliens entered the room. One was a warrior and was extremely alert. The other was a female in a white coat. To Togram's surprise, the female directed his education in the alien's tongue and in his interrogation. The female, whose name he had heard as Hildachesta (actually Hilda Chester), also learned his language.

>>2710448

Humans as the choice mercenaries for the entire universe.

Well, right up until the massive network of military force turns on everyone else after a few thousand years and creates the Grand Galactic Empire.

>>2710386

"Oh, Nine Gods, don't talk about humans around me. I had more than enough of them back on [M33-6]."

"Jungle world. Absolute nightmare, and to this day the Collective refuses to say why we were fighting there. I saw ONE of the humans during my entire stay on the planet. He jumped up from behind me with a gun- powder-based ballistic weapon, and the only thing that worked on that rock, since the damp shorted out our energy rifles. Anyhow, he was lathered in mud and leaves as a sort of camoflauge, and as long as I live I will never forget the look in his eyes. That was a look better attributed to a yx-hound gone mad. Sat vids would later show that he had been lying there for nearly 4 cycles, barely moving at all, waiting for someone to come by. And then he jumps up and doesn't even USE his weapon, but rather the sharp blade on the end of it. *long sip*"

"So he stabs me through the [lower torso], and I fall down, unable to move my lower appendages. He severed my spinal column with that one blow, and yet he continued stabbing me- FOUR MORE TIMES- until my squad opened fire. He turns around, not even bothering to dive for cover, and kills two more of them, injuring five, with that archaic rifle of his before he gets torn in half by an energy beam."

>>2710479

*long pause* "That was the ONLY human I ever saw. One of them nearly killed me- crippled me for life- wounded five, killed two, and this man was almost completely unarmed, with nothing but his pants, boots, helmet, and gun. Maniac. And then there were their other tactics- burning the forests, using toxins to kill the plantlife, mowing down vast swathes of green with orbital bombardment. Nothing would stop them. Nothing."

"[M33-6] was a complete and utter defeat. To the humans, it was merely a minor skirmish- I'm told they've had wars among themselves with higher body counts. The humans won the world, and its industry, after stripping it of nearly half its plantlife and a quarter of its cityscape. They lost maybe eighty thousand troops. We lost nearly ten times that many. Don't speak to me about humans."

>>2710462
beer buddies?

man, that's too highly trained

how about some internet tough guys instead

>>2710472
When the two had learned enough to communicate, Hildachesta probed to learn why the Roxolani attacked. To Togram it was obvious, to take what the aliens grew and make use of it for themselves, and said so. She also probed into the Roxolan hyperdrive but Togram was a soldier and could not provide much information. However, to his surprise, he was not mistreated for his failure to answer as he would have been if he were a Roxolani prisoner.

A few moons after his capture, Ransisc limped into Togram's room. Aside from the limp and a few new scars, his air of amused detachment remained. He indicated that Olgren had been killed in the attack but that he had meet several others before he came there.

They discussed the possibility of rescue but agreed that there were too many things that could go wrong in space for their superiors to be suspicious of their failure to return. Also, even if the High Warmaster did send a second fleet, it would be no more successful than the first. The humans had too many war machines.

>>2710484
Togram said rhetorically that they must be wizards who sold their souls to the demons to gain this knowledge. But Ransisc disagreed. He had raised this with a human savant who replied with a poem by a human named Hail or Snow or something of the sort. The poem described someone at a fork in the road who took the less used track. Likewise, the humans had failed to discover the secret of the hyperdrive and so developed other technologies.

During the discussion, Ransisc reminded Togram that the humans now did have the hyperdrive, thanks to the failed Roxolan invasion. They then looked at each other, appalled and said "What have we done?"

Humans are pretty close to immune to memetic viral attacks. In other cultures, memetic attacks are devastating weapons of war, that are carefully researched in hidden facilities where the researchers go through daily psychological analysis to keep the attack from escaping- and occasionally it does anyway, and they have to vaporize the sector. Humans use them to sell hamburgers. Human memetics is the flat-out most advanced in the universe, and they don't even have clinical immortality yet. Individual humans can make memetic attacks untrained.

>>2710483
OPERATORS

Fuck yeah Humans.

This thread reminds me of "The Gentle Earth" by Christopher Anvil. Aliens decide to invade Cold War Earth before we become an even greater threat to the galaxy. Unfortunately, they don't do as much research as they should have.

http://baencd.thefifthimperium.com/13-TheBalticWarCD/TheBalticWarCD/The%20World%20Turned%20Upside%20
Down/0743498747__24.htm

You can read it here, it isn't that long.

>>2710476
We deserve a bit of imperial domination of the galaxy.

>>2710495
Yeah, there was also a post about how aliens receive our TV and radio ads, take them to be a massive, nuclear-scale attack, and respond in kind.

We post the response on youtube.

>>2710495
Humans use memetic virii as a form of entertainment, seeing how far an individual idea can be spread, glorying when it becomes knowledge to the general public.
They take pleasure not only in destroying the body, but in infiltrating the very mind.

>>2710495
DESU DESU SHOOP DA WHOOP

Curse you human! Curse you!

>>2709975
Xeelee books
did something like that for humanity, at least in some ways.

>>2710041
Someone, anyone, do this!

>>2710049
hell yes, we are awesome

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genesis_Rising
Genesis Rising motherfuckers. Mankind hasn't conquered the galaxy, it's conquered the entire UNIVERSE excluding one galaxy.

Notable in local history is the occasion of one human, designation “Foster Bent”, and his arrival on Vox 12 in a nearly disabled spacecraft.
It is recorded that when “Foster Bent” crawled from his landing pod to look upon Vox 12, the locals took him for an invader and issued a mating celebration in his honor. It is little known that the Voxi use mating as a weapon, luring in other races to mate uncontrollably until they expire from discharge sickness, dehydration, exhaustion, or pleasure, depending on species.
Foster Bent is said to have pleasured and ‘satisfied’ an entire village of Voxi females and at least half a dozen Voxi males as well. Upon his departure a stature of his likeness was erected in pure coal, a holy substance on Vox 12, and his name is now used in a powerful social utterance of ill will translated as; “May Foster Bent descend on your mate.”

>>2710543
Hahaha, marvelous.

You know /tg/, while this is awesome, there ARE some nice humans too. That being said I reckon once we achieve space travel, we'll split into 3 different empires: The Islam Something, the Western/White Something and the Asian whatever

And now we charge ever forward, with auto-sage at our side to conquer the next frontier: PAGE 10!

>>2710543

>>2710559
Godspeed, good thread.

Can I get a FUCK YEAH HUMANITY before we go?

"Yeah, so there I was out on the Fringe as part of the last Force Colonial aggregate group, right? Part of the 178th/92nd OIS Composite. ExpCom had picked up a habitable world and IntCom had confirmed that those slimy-skinned Vak fuckers had already set up shop on it, so the Composite and a few other task forces were earmarked for the IIO. SOP.

We launch from HAO in our Glove from the Endymion; make landfall shortly and without serious complication. Verechenko's Glove had some issues on AE and his vis systems were fucked, but the rest of us were fine. Orders from TacCom were to silence some forward posts. Easy enough to pick out the things - huge garish scenes. Neon lights, giant glass constructions, the works. Don't know what the fuck those Vak think, and I don't want to know. Anyways, we're advancing in loose order and manage to flank the position. The LT figures fire would be too loud and would betray our position, so he tells us to fix monomol; gonna take 'em quick and hard by storm.

Does anyone have the picture of that skinny southeast asian kid puffing out his chest at two police officers with the caption "IT'S GO TIME!"

>>2710566
Well, as we're sneaking up on the Vak FP, Verechenko's fucking fucked vis sensors means he can't see shit. He stumbles his Gauntlet right into a goddamned tree. The Vak in their little glass palace-dugout perk up, spin towards us...and start shooting in the air. Huge light show. Noise was deafening. Not a single shot came anywhere near us.

With all this the LT figures our cover is blown, so he switches on his Gauntlet's external vox and starts screaming like a madman, sprinting forward. Rest of us follow. The Vax are still spraying fire all in the air above us as we do so, and as we reach the last fifty yards or so they start screaming at us in whatever fucking halfassed excuse of a tongue they use. We close the gap and introduce the lot of them to bellies full of monomol bayonet. The slimy fuckers die writhing and screaming all the while. Few of them try to get away; none do. Position's mopped up and we comm in the next wave of OI. Real easy, nobody down.

We found out afterwards that the Vak considered that show they put on for us to be a display of *strength*, and that as we could produce no similar light show, we were obliged to surrender. Hah! "Obliged to surrender!" Like a bunch of fucking peacocks squaring off!

No wonder we're mopping them up halfway across the spiral arm..."

FUCK YA!
HUMANITY!

I can't help but wonder, as scared as aliens are of us. What would they think of the stuff that scares US?

<-- Like this motherfucker right here.

>>2710587
"D'AWWWWW! It's adorable, and just the right size to ride as a noble steed!"

>>2710587
Probably declare a war of extermination and ask for our help.

>>2710594

and this?

ALIENS YOUR GAME IS THROUGH
COS NOW IT'S TIME TO ANSWER TO

HUMANITY, FUCK YEAH!

TERROR MUST BE MAINTAINED.

>>2710606
The coroner's report indicates that this member of our search party died after he voided his waste violently enough that 16.6% of his internal organs were prolapsed.

>>2710502

This story raises something that's good to keep in mind - introducing an even-stranger enemy is always the best way to get two human groups that hate each other to unify.

Going the other way from the post that suggestion that humans be immune to and anti-psionic.

Humans are the ONLY ones that can use psionics. They're less rational than many species, fleshy, hedonistic, recreationally poison themselves, and often stimulate their pain receptors willingly. On the other hand, they're fairly acrobatic (a new concept, taken from human language), and can BEND REALITY WITH THEIR MINDS.

>>2710622
>acrobatic

Now I'm thinking about the effects of krav maga vs. a race with natural weapons but (with a lack of anything to compensate for) little in the way of technique-based fighting.

>>2710622

Human brain uses simple electronic impulses to work. How the could we use psionics with that?

>>2710639
Something to do with electromagnetism and ley lines.

If this thread's dying, anyone starting a new one?

I had a concept running around in my head for a setting where mankind's big advantage was 'muscle memory'. All the other races had crazy uber tech and telepathy, but humans? They can train themselves to act without thought.

In effect, human soldiers have reactions the other races considered impossible except for machines, and human cyborgs can out-think and out manuever logic-bound battle engines.

Then there's sleight of hand...

One of the greatest ironies of the universe is that, despite their inherent military superiority to all other species, a vast section of human literature, particularly a genre they call "sci-fi" includes the theme of humans being vastly outmatched by older and more technologically advanced species. This is a trope that is repeated in practically all forms of human media, particularly in what humans call "video games".

...There is something terrifying about a people that have to make-up a species tougher than themselves just for the sake of challenging entertainment.

Runckel groaned, then a sudden thought seemed to hit him. He reached into his wastebasket, fished around, and drew out a crumpled ball of paper. He smoothed it out, read for a while, then growled, "Scientific reports. Here's some kind of report that came in right in the middle of a battle. According to this thing, the native name for the place where we've set down is 'Cyclone Alley.' Is there some importance in knowing a thing like that?"

Bade felt severe prickling sensations across his back and neck. "'Cyclone,'" he said, "Where did I hear that before? Give me that paper."

Runckel shrugged and tossed it over. Bade smoothed it out and read:

"In this prevalent fairy tale, the 'cyclone'—corresponding to our 'sea serpent,' or 'Ogre of the Deep'—makes recurrent visits to communities in certain regions, frightening the inhabitants terribly and committing all sorts of prankish violence. On some occasions, it carries its chosen victims aloft, to set them down again far away. The cyclone is a frightening giant, tall and dark, who approaches in a whirling dance.

"An interesting aspect is the contrast of this legend with the equally prevalent legend of Santa Claus. Cyclone comes from the south, Santa from the north. Cyclone is prankish, frightening. Santa is benign, friendly, and even brings gifts. Cyclone favors 'springtime,' but may come nearly any time except 'winter.' Cyclone is secular. Santa reflects some of the holy aura of the religious festival, 'Christmas.'
Fuck yes this is the best story ever.

>>2710648
Is there much call for a new thread?

>>2710649

Interesting... I was mulling over the 'muscle memory' angle but taking 'memory' to the extreme. A character with the ability to use 'muscle memory' for complex actions.

so who'll make the next thread?

>>2710680

I think there definitely is.

>>2710649
You know what this reminds me of?

THE WIERDING WAY

Gimme a sec, I'll start the next thread.

>>2710711
Is the next thread.

"In this prevalent fairy tale, the 'cyclone'—corresponding to our 'sea serpent,' or 'Ogre of the Deep'—makes recurrent visits to communities in certain regions, frightening the inhabitants terribly and committing all sorts of prankish violence. On some occasions, it carries its chosen victims aloft, to set them down again far away. The cyclone is a frightening giant, tall and dark, who approaches in a whirling dance.

"An interesting aspect is the contrast of this legend with the equally prevalent legend of Santa Claus. Cyclone comes from the south, Santa from the north. Cyclone is prankish, frightening. Santa is benign, friendly, and even brings gifts. Cyclone favors 'springtime,' but may come nearly any time except 'winter.' Cyclone is secular. Santa reflects some of the holy aura of the religious festival, 'Christmas.'

"'Christmas comes but once a year. When it comes, it brings good cheer.' Though Cyclone visits but a few favored towns at a time, Santa visits at once all, everyone, even the lowliest dweller in his humble shack. The natives are immensely earnest about both of these legends. An amusing aspect is that our present main base is almost ideally located for visits by that local Ogre of the Sea, 'Cyclone.' We are, in fact, situated in a location known as 'Cyclone Alley.' Perhaps the Ogre will visit us."

At the bottom of the page was a footnote: "'Cyclone' is but one name for this popular Ogre. Another common name is 'Tornado.'"

>>2709738
Welcome to Ringos Posleen Universe ?

A distinct reason for humanity getting dicked over by the Galactic Federation was "They breed likerabbits and are violent*"
*Other species are, sans the Space Mongols, are genengineered, not by their choice to abhor violence or unable to perferom violence, ie. Fight reflex kicks in they transform into drooling idiots.

>>2709755
GalCiv backstory has an humanity that got an United goverment due to "Of fuck Aliens" and afterwards concentraded on trade and diplomcy due to other race having well established empires.
When an other race put the boot down on the upsart terrans they got an ugly surprise.

>>2710200

Assume the Aliens have distinct soldier castes/classes, what happens to them is of little consequence to civilians.
Say they manage to overwhelm/surround a planetary corps, they surrender and are executed because that is the same that would happen to the aliens soldier caste would they surrrender according to the aliens law of war.
A typical humans response would probably involve glassing a alien core world or two.