"I don't expect you to believe me. No one ever does, 'scept the boys down at the Union hall. We know...we all know. Every plumber in the city who's ever had to go down under the streets has either seen one, or is just waiting for his first sighting. Hell, I shouldn't be telling you this...we ain't supposed to talk about it. Union rules. But who can you tell who'd believe it?

The Pipes are down there.

Oh, real funny asshole. I ain't talking about no steel or plastic pipes, or even the old lead ones we sometimes gotta replace. The Pipes were down there when they started diggin' the sewers. No one knows who, what, when, or why - none of that stuff - all we knows is where.

They're green, and shiney - even though they gotta be older than even the whole damn country. The green is the metal...it ain't no paint - we tried scrapin' them once, but we can't even scratch the damn things. No, it ain't no corrosion! I been a plumber for thirty years, you think I don't know what a corroded pipe looks like?

Anyway, if you're lucky, you'll only see a small one. About as big around as your arm, maybe smaller. Cold air always blowing out of them, like a soft breeze.

>>2776664
If you're unlucky, you'll see one of the big ones. One big enough for a grown man - even one with a belly like mine - to crawl through, no problem. Some go up and down, coming out of the floor or ceiling to hang open in the middle of the room. Some come out of a wall sideways, like a tunnel. Doesn't really matter, though. No one wants to find one of the big ones, however it runs.

Because sometimes things come out of them, that's why! Bigass turtles - mean things...smart, too. Or these crab-lookin' things. All kinds of crazy shit.

Stop laughin', I'm serious here! I saw one of the turtles, once, and it was as tall as I am! Mario was the first to get everyone to believe it. He and his brother found six pipes, all together, and got attacked by a whole pack of the things. They fought for hours, but finally managed to kill 'em all. We laughed at them both, too, until they hauled in a shell.

Since then more people have seen the things from The Pipes. Union policy these days is that if you find one of The Pipes on a job - don't matter what size, you come right back and report it. The Union sees you get paid more, and that you don't go back down alone. That's how the mob got in with the Union, but hey - we needed protection, y'know?

>>2776667

What's that? Oh, I don't know where Mario is these days. He came back up one day, saying he found one of the big ones, and that he swore he'd heard some dame yelling for help in it. He thought maybe one of the things had grabbed one of the crazies that live down under the city. No one wanted nothing to do with no kidnappers from The Pipes. So he marched right back down there - we followed along, since some of our 'friends' went with him - and damn if he didn't walk right into that hole, head held high...like some sorta hero, or something.

Well, after we yelled after him for a couple of minutes without no answer, Luigi - that's Mario's brother - went a running after him before anyone could get ahold of him. Last we heard of either of the brothers was Luigi yellin', "Maaaariiiioooo! Maaaaariiioooo!" like he was a zillion miles away.

And that, my friend, is why the Union sent me over here. We gotta talk about what you're paying our boy Antonio, because guess what you got down in your sub-basement?"

Let me tell you of the days of high adventure!

Mario fanart/fic always seems grimdark as fuck. Did you write that? Good stuff.

"Seven times I've faced this thing. Seven times I've dumped it into burning lava. It hasn't killed it yet. I think...I think it swims away, down in that red-hot rock.

It's a giant lizard, like godzilla, only spikier. I think it can talk, but it hasn't said anything to me yet. They say its name is Bowser, and it's the king of these turtles.

(God, the turtles! Some of them have wings! Nothing that big should fly, nothing!)

At first it only jumped up and down, trying to crush me under a ton of scaly meat and shell. Then it started breathing fire. Now hammers are flying out of its head!

(I don't know what to think anymore. It's like a goddamn cartoon, only I feel the heat and the hammers chip away at the brickwork behind me...)

Each time, I found one of the Mushroom Folk. They tell me this is their kingdom. They tell me that monster has Peach...the princess, I mean...in one of the forts. But none of them know which one. I haven't been right yet...

...but there's only one left.

(I have to find her. I dream about her, now...if I sleep. I have to find her. It's like something...like this whole crazy world...is pushing me to save her. I can't think of anything else...)

I think I've heard Luigi a few times. I haven't seen him. We haven't met up...but I think I've heard him behind me. But I can't stop and wait for him...

(She's waiting for me.)

>>2776722
I hope it's just wishful thinking. Wait...that doesn't make sense. What I mean is, I hope that I don't wish for Luigi to be here. This place...it's fucked up. I've barely slept since I've gotten here...I've been underwater for hours without breathing...I keep taking fort after fort after castle...I haven't had anything to eat but mushrooms and flowers. Sometimes they make be big. Sometimes they let me throw fire from my hands.

I grabbed a big star once...a big, glowing, bouncing star...that's when a turtle the size of my truck, wearing a helmet and throwing hammers, came out of nowhere and dropped on top of me. He must have weighed half a ton, at least.

(He had hammers, too. Is that something about these Koopa turtles? Why hammers? They're tack hammers, for chrissake, not even those old hammers knights and shit used to have!)

He died, not me.

(I don't understand any of this. I don't need to. I just need to save her.)

Now there's only one castle left. There's nowhere else for the monster to run. There's no other castles for her to be in.

(It has her. I have to save her.)

I have to kill it.

I'm coming, Peach."

>crab-lookin' things
Uh... What?

I got cold and shivery from reading these...

>>2776713
Does wishing I'd written it count? Because if so, then yes.

>>2776725
The first Mario Bros. game (not Super Mario Bros.) had turtles and butterflies in the sewers coming out of pipes.

>>2776742
Also crabs.

>>2776725

Sidesteppers. From the original Mario Bros, not Super Mario Bros.

>>2776742
Oh yeah, I forgot about that...

O HAI GUYZ, what's going on in this thread?

Seriously, though, grimdark Mario is always fun. And the movie, though campy, is also fairly grimdark if you think about it.

I absolutely loved the grimdark Union rules fluff at the start of the thread.

Grimdark Mario is damn awesome. But thinking about warp pipes, eating or holding items that effect your physicality, and weird but familiar creatures makes want to see a little more Alice in Wonderland worked into it.

This is awesome.

YOU ARE NOW IMAGINING THE MUSHROOM KINGDOM SET IN THE WYLD.

IS THIS AWESOME?

Y/VY/FUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKKKKKKK

"We were completely suprised when the Koopa King rose up. We always knew he was a threat, but somehow he enlisted the Goomba tribes into his forces without us knowing. Suddenly, his army covered the span of the horizon and marched out of the hills en masse. Bullet Bill bombardment rocked the foundations of our fortresses, and one by one, our castles fell in a cascade too fast to belive.

My father underestimated Bowser, and now he is dead for it.

I languish in my own dungeon, because Bowser knows that he who controls the crown controls the Mushroom Kingdom, but only those of royal blood have that power. He needs me.

My father was not just the king, he was the kingdom, by ancient bond and pact.

My father is dead.

The rule falls to me.

So King Koopa keeps me here - for now, as my father before me, we are one and the same, my homeland and I. By controlling me here in the darkness below my greatest citadel, he controls all the Mushroom Kingdom.

Or so he thinks.

>>2776965
Bowser is strong and vicious, mighty and irresolute...but he is not wise. Though the sages amongst the Koopa are great in the arts of dark sorcery, they are not keepers of lore. There are enchantments in my land that the Koopa King is unaware of, and which are now mine to use.

I have asked the land to bring me my Hero. Not some mere brave adventurer, but the man or woman that best suits my plight and that of the kingdom. The pipes laid by the ancients have heard my plea and sought throughout all the lands that the Warp Zones touch. My land obeys me, and has found the Chosen One of my rule.

The pipes have brought him here, and the Kingdom aids him. All the weapons of my land obey his will. I feel the fire flowers bloom and the mushrooms of power appear once more. I feel the urgency of his mind as the will of us both, my domain and I, call him to me, to my aid.

He answers readily, not merely because of the enchantment, but because he would have done so anyway.

So I sit in the gloom, patient. All the while, I feel a bright beacon of hope...a blazing star of valor, draw ever closer to this place, the heart of the darkness cast over my lands. Soon the hero shall face King Koopa here, where there is no where else for him to run.

Then I and the kingdom shall be free again.

What surprises me that there is a second, dimmer light, following the first. Not the Hero of my Realm, but so very nearly the same. This one is not compelled to me, but to follow the Hero...to aid him. His devotion is as strong as the Hero's, but more the kinship of comrades then the compulsion to greatness. He is Loyalty to the Hero's Valor.

Has my Hero brought a Squire?

The legends have never spoken of such a thing happening before.

What might this mean for the future of the Mushroom Kingdom?"

Copypasta from old grimdark mario thread:


(At the front of the hall, the doors slam open. An undead skeleton topples down the steps, splaying out at the bottom to clearly reveal the crushed skull. The massive figure seated at the dining table looks up to the entrance.)
B: So. You've come.
M: You thought your paltry defenses would stop me, monster?
B: Monster? I who have kept my honor, who stood by and watched as those under my charge were slaughtered without mercy?
M: You will pay for abducting the princess. Your reign ends here.
(Bowser sweeps the table aside with one crashing swipe of his arm.)
B: And who are you to challenge my sovereignty, human? What has that princess offered you, an outsider, that you might fall to her will as readily as those servile Toads?
M: What has become of her?
B: My subjects brought word of your deeds to me again and again. My most loyal of subjects, the best of Koopas- crushed. Even as you struck down my child did I stay my hand, for I had given my word that she would come to no harm, and I have kept it.
M: Say what you will, fiend. You have brought this fate upon yourself.
B: Enough! The gods have made me as I am to lead the Koopas to glory, not so that I might simper at the will of some fair-haired maiden. It is you who shall meet your fate this day!

>>2777075
And a prequel, while I'm at it:

B: So it is true. You intend to seek him out.
(Bowser Jr. continues to don pieces of armor for several moments before replying.)
J: You speak as though there can be any other option.
B: Do not do this, my child. You know how many have fallen at his hand-
J: Precisely why I must now meet him on the field of battle. My blood allows no less.
B: Would that I could hear such proud words in times less cruel! You bring such pride to us all, boy, but think of the cost. Would you deny your art? Truly it is your murals that give our castles their soul-
J: I have painted of grand deeds enough, I think. I do not go alone, father. Wario will stand beside me-
B: He is a human, boy, and a brigand among brigands at that.
J: His selfish nature serves my purposes. I can handle him.
B: Again I beg you. Think of the future of our people-
J: What comes first, father? To rule the Koopas, or to be one worthy of that title? Do you really expect me to believe that your actions in my place would be any different?
B (quietly): I would know that I go to my death.
(Bowser Jr. silently meets his father's gaze).
B: Oh, my child. In my desperation I deny the truth even as it lies plain before my face. Forgive my insult; you are no boy, but a man. And you are everything I could ever hope for in a son.
(The two embrace tightly.)
J: And I in a father. Farewell.

>>2777094
>>2777075
;_;

>>2777094
I don't know, as cool as this is it still can't make me not hate Bowser Jr.

Bump for win

>>2777075
>>2777094

jawsome thread

>>2776654
>Makaimura whose knights wore lance and armor and boxers
Fuck yeah, Ghosts 'n' Goblins!

Grimdark Mario?

http://therewillbebrawl.com/episodesEpisode1.php

>>2777075
>>2777094

Goddamn, I remember this. It was awesome. There is nothing I want more from Nintendo than for them to make a game like this. Or even better, hand out the license for somebody to make a roleplay system. I'll be forced to homebrew it.

So... What would /tg/ think to be the best system to run this in?

"MAAAARIO!"

My words echoed in a mocking chorus. It was so dark. Brooklyn couldn't have been that far behind me. The worst part was that the pipe was straight.

What had he been thinking? If it was anyone else I would have turned back, gone to get a crew of firemen or something.

But he was my brother.

I walked further into the stagnant black, my footfalls echoing back at my face with each step.

Suddenly something that might ave been a scream. A shout?

"Mario!" I yelled back. The dead silence afterward put fear into my heart. I could feel the dark, round space crushing me, the unknown things that dwelt in the darkness regarding me like a lion looks at his quarry.

Every part of my body wanted to turn back.

But Mario was my brother.

I walked cautiously into the darkness, each step increasing the tense anxiety in my heart, until I finally broke into a full on run. The cool air from the pipe rushed at my face, and I ran forward, feeling the darkness close in on me.

Suddenly, the ground was gone beneath my feet. I was beside myself with terror, for just a split second, before I hit something full-force and fell into both the pit and unconsciousness.

>>2779548
Savage Worlds. There's a Mario conversion for it, anyway:
http://savageheroes.com/conversions/mushroom%20kingdom%201-5.pdf

Also, bump.

I found this browsing the cracked.com forums one day:

http://www.cracked.com/forums/topic/27480/my-super-mario-world-fanfic

(I know, I know, non-/tg/ fanfiction. Just read it, it's good).

>>2780865
Wow, that actually is pretty damn good.

>>2780865
Because throwing fireballs and rescuing princesses from dragons isn't /tg/ related?

LOST PRIMARCH MARIO

>>2781068
I smirked. Excellent point.

>>2781068

Mario is about running around a hostile world trying to grab money, do drugs, and get with a woman.

It's far too realistic and gritty a setting for me. I prefer lighter fantasy fare.

Bumping because this thread has potential

moar 8-bit opera plz

>moar 8-bit opera plz

No one was left who could remember how it had happened,how the world had fallen under darkness.
At least no one who would do anything.
No one who would oppose the robots.
No one who would challenge their power,
or so Dr. Wily believed...

Twenty Floors above the dark streets of the city, Dr. Light lived in a run-down tenement.
An eccentric and brilliant man.
Light was a loner, a thinker, a man of ideas.
Ideas forbidden in Wily's society.
The society for which he worked.
The society in which he lived.
The society that he would set free.
And so Light worked, far into the night, when the watchful eyes of Wily's robots weren't upon him.
He'd set his skillful hands to the task of creating a device to bring about a change, to create a machine to bring freedom, to create a man to save the world.
Twelve years Light worked and on a cold night in the year 200X, Protoman was born.
A perfet man, an unbeatable machine, hell-bent on destroying every evil standing between man and freedom, built for one purpose, to destroy Wily's army of evil robots. Ready, willing, prepared to fight

SPOILERS: Protoman is Megaman's version of a fallen paladin.

>>2783192
Cutman
Gutsman
Elecman
Bombman
Fireman
Iceman
Proto

Fireman:
Attack!

And as the smoke cleared.
Wiley rose above the countless robots remaining. Protoman was wounded, low on energy, struggling to remain standing as Wily ordered the final attack.
The death of Protoman.

The crowd had gathered there to watch him fall, to watch their hopes destroyed.
They watched them beat him, they watched them break him, they watched his last defense deployed.
There was not a man among them who would let himself be heard.
But from the crowd, from the collective fear, arose these broken words:
We are the dead

>>2783204
The Drizzt of Megaman

>>2779546

Holy...
Fucking Shit...
GODDAMN!!!...

.......


NO, there are no words to describe how awesome that was!!

/r/ the copypasta about the Star Children

>>2779546
This was a Hellsing page. Does anyone remember what chapter and page number it was?

GRIMDARK MARIO IS FUCKING AWESOME

>>2783318

This shit is godly.

>>2783450
This?

The next big order of business is a note on the protagonists of the Mario universe. I'll start by referring people to http://www.mariowiki.com/Star_Children; but what I really want to focus on is what the Mario series tells us about Mario and Luigi.

Here's the thing about these twin brothers: The events of Super Mario World 2 are canon in that *before they were born*, the two brothers had an adventure in the Mushroom Kingdom. Luigi was snatched up by Kamek, and baby Mario had to get the Yoshis to go rescue his brother.

Now, Luigi was rescued and the brothers were able to proceed on to the real world- though their past experience makes it possible to call them back to the Mushroom World, they have no conscious memories of this first experience by the time this occurs. Still, the incident shapes their relationship and respective personalities from the very beginning.

Mario's experience was to witness an incredible series of battles in the care of the Mushroom kingdom's bravest and most valorous warrior race. Luigi, meanwhile, was a helpless prisoner/test subject for the Mushroom World's foremost master of dark magic- his prebirth experience was a traumatic ordeal, to say the least.

Now, think about how this shapes a child. Even at a very young age, when something distressing occurs to these twin brothers, what happens? Luigi would naturally shy away, while his brother would be much less fearful and much more inclined to play the role of protector (in an imitation of his own 'pre-birth' parental figures). From the very beginning, Mario naturally steps forward to play the role of the hero, leaving his brother to hid in his shadow. And that in turn means that Mario is the one to face the challenges, unwittingly denying his brother chances to grow and develop into his own.

>>2783944
cont.

You could almost imagine the mushroom kingdom, as portrayed in the games and so on, as the brother's childhood recommendations of what they now think was an imaginary world they invented together. So it would come as quite a shock when they return to the "real" mushroom kingdom, with Mario quickly identifying himself as the sixth of the prophesied Star Children with his newfound ability to throw fire.

Say that things start to play out in classic fashion. Mario meets the Princess and so on, Koopas kidnap her, Mario volunteers to go to her rescue. Luigi, not being a mighty prophesied hero and not having any eagerness to throw himself into danger, stays behind.

Then things get derailed into Luigi's Mansion territory- Mario gets tricked and captured, and can't escape without outside assistance. It's worth noting that this is a crucial milestone for the "king of second bananas", as a certain SSBB sequence referred to him. Luigi's been in danger plenty of times, he can put up a fight (if not a good one). But this is different- with his brother in jeopardy, Luigi willingly seeks out danger in order to confront it.

>>2780865

>The confetti on the ground was beautiful. It was such a simple existence. Luigi was scared.

God. Damn.

Has there ever been any attempt to GRIMDARK Mario Is Missing?

SOMETHING good has to have come out of that game.

This thread needs the epic Mario/Donkey Kong /v/ crossover thread pics, but I don't have them.

>>2786333

Fuck that, how about GRIMDARK Mario's Time Machine?

>>2786333
WEEGEE.png ?

Rescuing from page 9.

>>2786974

bump for /r/

>>2776654

First to spot the Conan quote? Why, I do think that I win.

>Know, O prince, that between the years when the oceans drank Atlantis and the gleaming cities, and the years of the rise of the sons of Aryas, there was an Age undreamed of, when shining kingdoms lay spread across the world like blue mantles beneath the stars -- Nemedia, Ophir, Brythunia, Hyperborea, Zamora with its dark-haired women and towers of spider-haunted mystery, Zingara with its chivalry, Koth that bordered on the pastoral lands of Shem, Stygia with its shadow guarded tombs, Hyrkania whose riders wore steel and silk and gold. But the proudest kingdom of the world was Aquilonia, reigning supreme in the dreaming west.
Hither came Conan, the Cimmerian, black-haired, sullen eyed, sword in hand--a thief, a reaver, a slayer, with gigantic melancholies and gigantic mirth, to tread the jeweled thrones of the Earth under his sandaled feet.

>>2791157

If only I could properly copy & paste quote aswell.

What do I have to do?

The question seeps like a broken sore in my brain. That cold fear returns, and with it a sense of inevitability. An answer sneers out of the darkness, like a ghost that lurks in the shadows, waiting to rush out when I turn my back. "Nothing," it says, "You know this is hopeless. You're a joke. You're not worth a damn, and you never were."

It ain't the answer I want, but it's the only one that makes any goddamn sense.

That dago fuck just won't die.

Then it hits me. My god, how long has it been? How long has this charade gone on? How many have died in our names? It's nights like this I know I'll never get any sleep. Whenever I close my eyes all I can think is that even death won't release us from this farce. There's a special corner in Hell for both of us, full of damned souls we've sacrificed like chess pieces. Full of broken shells and the stink of charred meat. I smell it with every breath I take.

I wonder if he even knows why I try. I'm not talking about the money, the stars, or the dames. That's the excuse, not the reason. What does he get out of it? Power? Drugs? Tell me he's not just in it for the pussy. Please, God, let there be something more to it.

>>2791292
Me? Yeah. I got a reason. I got a lot of reasons. One by one I watch my children rolled past on slabs, cold and stiff, his boot prints all over them. Their necks splintered. Skulls crushed. They had to ID my little girl by dental records. Charred into an unrecognizable mass. Dropped my eldest son out of an airship at 50,000 feet. He probably doesn't even remember.

But I fucking remember. I remember every fucking one, and when I get that rat fuck wop of a plumber I'm gonna carve their names into him. Even if this goes on and on and on for decades, I know one thing for a fucking certainty.

I'm still here, asshole. I'm still the king. He's going to get old. He's going to get slow. One day he'll slip, maybe catch a Bullet Bill in between the eyes that he never saw coming. Maybe not. But time catches up with everyone eventually, and I was ruling this fucking kingdom before that scarlet shit was an itch in his daddy's nuts. I'll be here long after he's gone. I'm gonna live to see it. I'm gonna stand over him when he's on his death bed, and all the mushrooms in the world aren't gonna save him.

And I'm gonna show him what inevitability really is.

He shoves my face down into the pillow, one hand knotted tight in my hair, the other hooked around my thigh. Thinks he's a big man, thinks he plays rough. He likes to hurt me because it's the only way I'll make any noise when he's fucking me, and when I scream it makes him feel like he's rocking my world. I barely feel it anymore. I've taught myself not to. It's the only way I can stand it when he stumbles into my room, stoned off his balls on mushrooms and looking for some action. I tell him I like it best doggy style, in the ass, whatever. As long as I don't have to look at him. I just focus on my stuffed animals, or the stars outside my window, and pretend I'm somewhere else. Anywhere else.

"Say my name," he drools between gritted teeth, his speech slurred and his movements nearly epileptic, "Say it's-a me, Mario. Say it, whore. Say you're my dirty whore."

I say it, just like I always do. I've said it enough that he even believes it now. Even I believe it, which is why I've got to do something about it. I can't do this anymore.

Finally he freezes, lets out a shuddering sigh and rolls off my back, asleep before he's hit the pillow. He smells like sweat and fouled meat. I have to get away from him before I retch. My skin feels sticky and cold as I stumble painfully to the toilet, hand clamped over my mouth to keep from throwing up. I'm not sure which is more nauseating: the junk he makes me take or the thought of him inside me.

I avoid the mirror. I can't even look at myself anymore because of how dirty I feel. Greasy hair, sunken pink eyes, breath like a sewer. And that was days ago. For the last week I've been so strung out I only left my bed to take a shit before passing out over the toilet. I woke up sixteen hours later realizing I'd never even flushed, and he hadn't bothered to check on me. Too busy driving his fucking go-carts or playing tennis with that whore next door. What's her name...Daisy?

>>2791307
I down a cap full of mouthwash to drown out the taste of him, spit it out into a sink full of cigarette butts. I light another one and sink onto the toilet seat to cry for a while. I need a drink, but Toad won't hit the liquor store, not since he got caught running my morning-after pills out of the pharmacy for me. It's my fault all this happened. I let it get this bad, and damn me for it. I'm supposed to be in charge, but after all these years I'm still just his dirty whore.

But I can't leave. You don't leave him. You don't tell him "no." On instinct, I raise my hand to my eye, still half-swollen shut. Probably turned into that sickly yellow-blue color by now, but it doesn't hurt much anymore. I can't run. Can't trust his brother. Part of me wishes I was still kidnapped, being fucked by that monster instead of being trapped in this ivory tower. At least Bowser doesn't hide what he is. At least he doesn't need a mushroom to make himself big enough to make me feel it. At least I know he'd keep me safe.

I'd never make it out of the gate, and even if I did, he'd find me.

I step up to the window and look out over my kingdom. It looks so beautiful, so peaceful, so innocent. He's got all of them fooled, doesn't he? I wish I could just fly away from here, away from him. My own kingdom is so far away.

But there's one way to get there. I step over the threshold, into the biting night air. The clouds rush up to surround me in a chill embrace, the rush of wind dancing through my hair. I'll never be Queen. But I have this one thing. I made a choice of my own. At last, I'm free.

Sorry Mario, but I'm not your fucking whore anymore. She's in another castle.

>This whole thread

"Fuck you and the pipe you came from," snarled Bowser.

My favorite excerpt from some BOWSERxPEACH WRITEFAGGOTRY.

http://www.mediaminer.org/fanfic/view_ch.php/142426/492209#fic_c

>>2791311
Even though I knew where this was going, I could help but picture her skirts billowing out and her floating away.

>>2791157
Should have been obvious enough for most fa/tg/uys.

BTW, is this GRIMDARK Mario thread, or Swords and Sorcery/Hollow Earth Pulp Mario thread?

>>2791649
yes