What's a kender?

>>2901276

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

I don't even play D&D and I know what a Kende......ooooooh. Eye sea wot ewe did thar.

8/10

My pixie barb is looking pretty fucking sweet compared to those two.

>>2901281

Wunderbar. Not only am I still lost as to what a kender is, I am now also lost as to what you mean.

>>2901276
Dragonlance, kleptohalfings hated by all

World's largest dungeon... Good choice, as far as throwing materials go. That book is huge.

>>2901294

It's like a nigger, only smaller and white.

>>2901301
AKA what halfings in 4th edition is based on.

Fucking kender.

>>2901315

>>2901281

I don't see what was done there...

I AM still raged about you-know-who's fucking furry sniper thing mentioned in there...it never ceases to be rageworthy no matter how often I hear it.

Am I the only person on the planet who LIKES kender?

>>2901359
Yes.
Stop. Either liking them or being on the planet, your choice.

>>2901342

Jesus Dicks.

>>2901359

Not once the furiously waddling fatguy hit squads catch up with you.

So to summarize:

Annoying version of Halflings that act like retards that have to go Rogue on EVERYTHING but everyone has to like them anyway? Is that what I'm reading here?

>>2901342

>>2901315
AKA what halfings in 3rd Edition are based on. RTFM

>>2901379

Yes. You know, like flarefags.

>>2901370
I never thought I'd get to say this about a living creature, but I bet I can outrun them.

>>2901379

Pretty much.

>>2901342
CAN'T CONTAIN THE RAGE

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

/r/ more of that comic?

Also, why do people hate kenders? Because they're small white niggers?

>>2901342

>>2901455
I have a few, I'll post some.

>>2901486
my favourite is the elf rape one, but I don't have it on this computer.

>>2901455
Because they're kleptomaniac halflings with ADD who "EVERYBODY LURVES"

>>2901455

Because its an excuse for the rogue in your party to be a complete cock bag ans steel shit from the party constantly.

I was in a game with a PC who was playing a kender, he took my ring of sustenance while I slept because he thought it would be funny. I didn't pack food or anything because I had the ring. It takes a fucking week to retune to your body, meaning I suddenly needed to find food, in a fucking cave. Two days later, I still dont know he's stolen the ring and my character has to beg other PCs for food, which was humiliating. He piped in that he stole it and how funy a joke it was, so I cut him in half with my great axe. The party paladin didnt even try to smite me for it, he just made me make reparations to the kender's family. Nothing brought a smile to my heart like going to what appeared to be a family of children and toss them a bag with their son's head in it and a few thousand gold.

Ugh, Kender... I've played in 2 games that had those little fagblasters. AND THAT IS 9 TOO MANY!
Every 5 seconds its "Is there anything shiny around?" or "I'm gonna grab [insert PC's name here]'s stuff." I've never instigated PvP before, but it takes every shred of patience I have to hold myself back from a Kender.

>>2901496

You're a hero to me. Did you know that?

>>2901507

Someone had to do it, and if I didn't the paladin would have probably lost it and killed the little bastard, potentially falling.

>>2901492

I find that even in most of the Dragonlance fluff the "everybody loves" part is practically nonexistant. At best, they're ignored. At worst, genocide.

>>2901511
I've fallen and I can't get up!

>>2901503

It's really not that hard. All you have to do is say, "Ok, I'm attacking you now. I just rolled my attack... by the what's your AC? Oh, it's a crit! Sweet! Here comes the damage... well, should I print off a new character sheet now or what?"

Honestly, I thought of this thing when I read the word "kender."

I don't think it's any coincidence.

So they're basically dickweeds?

>>2901511
Not necessarily. The Kender openly admitted to stealing the ring as opposed to "Oh I forgot to give it back." or whatever. This makes him a thief, not to mention cruelly letting you starve for about a week just for a giggle. Sounds pretty smite-worthy to me.

OP, here's your solution:
Put in the very first room a poison-laced neon-blue shrub. Have the kender player RP his shitty, shitty choice and touch it. Poison goes through his skin, and kills the fucker dead.

Problem solved.

>>2901491
Sadly I don't think I have that one either.

>>2901544

>>2901346
That picture is exactly what I imagine you looking like.

>>2901548
<3

Is there a website for all of these?

>>2901561
From what I've seen he just posts them on /tg/... we really need a complete collection stored somewhere though.

>>2901555
I actually look more like this.

In case he doesn't see this:

http://challengerating25.blogspot.com/

>>2901561
http://challengerating25.blogspot.com/

Can this thread be hijacked in the name of those comics?

>>2901571

I fucking love the expressions he does.

>>2901342
Kenders can go climb a wall of dicks.

>>2901581

No.

>>2901584

Anyone have the FINAL DESTINATION one?

>>2901610
?

All the old ones are on suptg.

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/epic/thisjusthappened/

Ettin makes these? Awesome.

>>2901342
WHAT THE FUCK


>>2901496
<3

>>2901674
>Ettin's been posting constantly in this thread to make a come back for e-fame? That's sad.

>>2901882
You stand out as a faggot on an imageboard known for faggotry.

Congratulations.

>>2901882
>HURF DURF EVERYONE IS SAMEFAG

This thread has inspired me to finally go ahead and mod kender into Dwarf Fortress. It's incredibly satisfying to go door to door in a town and shoot arrows into childrens' faces, knowing you're doing the gods' work.

The main priest (they're mostly modded humans, I left in their religious stuff in case they broke) was rather a tough customer, and kept ARROWing my murderous bastard characters. After the third adventurer he started pre-emptively attempting to kill me whenever I showed up because he hated humans and my civ in particular by that point.

I Scarred a kender and I've never been happier.

>>2901959
JAWSOME.

Though I'd have based them off Kobolds.

>>2901964

I would have, if not for the various problems kobolds have on occasion when modding (mostly language-related but I didn't want to bog down in fixing what didn't need to be fixed, e.g. setting all the permitted job classes et al.). Instead, I made them really short humans with tags guaranteed to make them universally hated:

[ETHIC:KILL_ENTITY_MEMBER:UNTHINKABLE]
[ETHIC:KILL_NEUTRAL:ACCEPTABLE]
[ETHIC:KILL_ENEMY:ACCEPTABLE]
[ETHIC:KILL_ANIMAL:ACCEPTABLE]
[ETHIC:KILL_PLANT:ACCEPTABLE]
[ETHIC:TORTURE_AS_EXAMPLE:UNTHINKABLE]
[ETHIC:TORTURE_FOR_INFORMATION:UNTHINKABLE]
[ETHIC:TORTURE_FOR_FUN:ACCEPTABLE]
[ETHIC:TORTURE_ANIMALS:ACCEPTABLE]
[ETHIC:TREASON:ACCEPTABLE]
[ETHIC:OATH_BREAKING:ACCEPTABLE]
[ETHIC:LYING:ACCEPTABLE]
[ETHIC:VANDALISM:ACCEPTABLE]
[ETHIC:TRESPASSING:ACCEPTABLE]
[ETHIC:THEFT:ACCEPTABLE]
[ETHIC:ASSAULT:ACCEPTABLE]
[ETHIC:SLAVERY:ACCEPTABLE]
[ETHIC:EAT_SAPIENT_OTHER:ACCEPTABLE]
[ETHIC:EAT_SAPIENT_KILL:ACCEPTABLE]
[ETHIC:MAKE_TROPHY_SAME_RACE:ACCEPTABLE]
[ETHIC:MAKE_TROPHY_SAPIENT:ACCEPTABLE]
[ETHIC:MAKE_TROPHY_ANIMAL:ACCEPTABLE]

I missed [ITEM_THIEF] somehow though... alas, everyone hates them enough as it is. I set all sorts of personality tags that would make them extremely annoying to any sane person as well.

So kender is just halfling thief turned up to 11?

>>2902056
# Alora: I don't think you are happy enough! I'll teach you to be happy!
# Alora: Happy-happy joy-joy!

Kender are awesome. You're all crazy.

The Kender only cause party conflict if the party is composed of fucking idiots, and only mess up campaigns if the DM is a fucking idiot. It's not their fault that people are too stupid to play them, or with them.

Kender are one of the very few D&D races that I actually have a respect for, because their philosophy and world view is so damn interesting. Nothing belongs to anyone, nothing has any value past what satisfies your momentary curiosity, nothing is anything more or less than an opportunity to learn something new etc. etc. I mean, by high fantasy standards, that's some profound shit, man. The constant thievery is especially awesome - they don't consciously steal anything, things just appear in their pockets. Our DM played it exactly like that - things just happened to appear in my character's pockets: boogers, rocks, twigs, the key to the high king's treasure vault, the ring of regeneration the paladin thought he was wearing... And equally randomly my character would just throw that shit away, regardless of its value or usefulness. It was so awesome.

They are a million times better than the current Halflings are, that's for sure.

>>2902917
0/10

Maybe your kender should go hang out with raisin or whatever the fuck his name is.

>>2902072
I'll teach your grandmother to suck eggs!

Anyone know the "Akuma the Happy Kender" song?

>>2902917
>world view is so damn interesting

Communism.

You're not a commie are you?

hay, I like Kenders!
Taslehoff was awesome.
Fuck you guys, go climb a wall of dicks!

>>2901342
That is obscene

I have never raged so hard in my life. If a player ask to play one in one of my campaigns, I will savage him with a chair. Not the character- the player.

Yeah man, Hasslehoff is the shit!

okay, whoever dislikes dragonlance and kenders should become an hero.

>>2903120
The bitch had a tendency to be "lolrandumb", a Silver Spoon (To bad it wasn't a spork) that could kill anything in existence IIRC, and went on Time Traveling Escapades in an effort to turn an Evil Wizard back to Good. And that's just the stuff I REMEMBER. He probably went on to stab a god in the foot for lulz, or something.

Fucking Canon Mary Sue Kender.

>>2903147
From the Wikipedia page on Tas:
>In order to force Chaos to part or remain on Krynn, the gods needed Chaos's blood, and so, at the end of the Chaos War Tasslehoff insulted Chaos, making the deity careless. Tasslehoff then ran up and stabbed Chaos in his big toe with a magical knife Caramon Majere had dubbed "Rabbitslayer". The resulting spurt of blood was enough of Chaos' essence to be used to force the deity into a choice--stay in the world and be forced to continually control himself (which Chaos had little patience for), or leave. Chaos decided to leave, but while he was leaving, he stomped on Tasslehoff, seemingly killing Tasslehoff, but leaving his items.

So, yeah, close enough to stabbing a god in the foot. At least he died for it.

>>2903147
>He probably went on to stab a god in the foot for lulz, or something.
He stabbed Chaos in a toe. Chaos. The thing that gave birth to gods. And he stabbed it for the lulz. So yeah.

>>2903147

Don't forget that he was close personal friends with the ubergod of the Good side of the Dragonlance pantheon, via the god's wacky retard-Gandalf/Elminster incarnation, and similarly visited the home realm of the all-powerful goddess of superevil and had an extended conversation with her.

And yes, wacky time traveling escapades. There's no situation that Tasslehoff couldn't Jar-Jar his way to victory from.

>>2903161
So he became a hero and an hero?

Works for me. SO LONG AS HE'S DEAD.

Wait, I forgot how characters like him work. Lemme guess, more Time Travel bullshit?

... Looking at the Wiki page myself now... Yep. A lot of timetravel BS before he arrives back in his own timeline to get curbstomped by Chaos.

>>2902917

Except they would have to be a fucking stone age society. Not a whole lot of societal/technological progress is made if noone in the whole damn race can ever focus on anything for more than a few minutes and there's no concept of property.

>>2903190
You got your logic in my D&D setting!

TAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSLLLLLEEEEEEEHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFFF!!!!

>>2903163
To be fair, Chaos didn't really create the gods. He went completely insane and convinced himself that he did.

>>2903238
Well yeah. Chaos was a bit insane. What with calling himself the father of everything and nothing. Was a bit hard to figure out what he actually did.

>>2903262
There was this big Cosmology guide at the end of one of the newer trilogies. The one where Takhisis took over the world and made it all GRIMDARK and then Paladine died to make sure Takhisis died.

Chaos was pretty much Satan. the world was created by this Uberdiety and Chaos wanted to take over blah blah blah he went insane blah blah

>>2903190

lololol capitalism is natural law lolololololololol

>>2903190
>noone

INTO THE RAY OF THE SUN
MACH OUR HERO, HUNTING THE DARK LORD
REBORN FROM THE BLOOD OF HIS GOD
HIS GOD, THE WARMASTER KRON

>>2903341
You're a retard.

I'm the biggest socialist around, and even I know that what Kender do is bullshit. You know why? If somebody from communist Russia came to the US and started snatching up food from open air stands because "It belongs to all of us, comrade" what do you think would happen? That fucker would be in jail. If Kender wanna be dumbfuck cleptos in their own little gay societies, well bully for them, I know which towns to avoid like the plague. The minute they team up with somebody who DOESN'T have this ridiculous ultra-communist world view however, they should have the common fucking sense to realize that maybe their new friends might not appreciate random pilfering.

>>2903787

u got trolled, nigga

Look, its very simple.

Tas was a very amusing and touching character, from some rather good books.

Still, Kender suck, don't let any of your players be one, ever, it just annoys the fuck out of everyone.

I had a kender in my party once. I knew about the little fuckers from before, though, so I just waited for a good opportunity--and I didn't even have to wait past the first session before the kender's player tried to steal my shit.

So I stuck my lit torch down the back of his shirt, and let his backpack pin it there. He dropped and started rolling around to put it out, and I took advantage of his flatfootedness to power attack for full. I cut his head off, and then paid the cleric to cast Gentle Repose the next day.

When the kender player's new character met the party, I greeted him with my kender-head puppet and said, "Look what I found!"

ITT: lies

>>2903895
I lol'd. Did you have another stick so you could make him "talk"?

Fighter: [falsetto voice] "Hi, I'm a thieving retard!"

>>2903944
No, it wasn't a puppet on a stick--I just stuck my whole hand inside and wiggled it around.

>>2903895
>>2903973

Awesome.

Last time I was in a party with someone that picked the Kender race, I was expecting the worst. The LOLSORANDOM and the theft and the "You have to like me because I'm cute as a button" bullshit...

But then I found out that the player just picked the race for the bonuses and didn't bother to read the fluff. To this day, we're still the best of friends.

Picture related. Dude made it on a lark.

>>2904209
Dude.

>>2904213

Dude.

>>2904228

Dude.

>>2904228

>>2904243

Dude.

>>2904209
I don't get it why use a hotdog? The wires are all connected it would work regardless.

>>2901975
>[ETHIC:TORTURE_FOR_INFORMATION:UNTHINKABLE]
>[ETHIC:TORTURE_FOR_FUN:ACCEPTABLE]

wut

>>2904209
Dude.

>>2904209
I desire the electric hot dog

>>2904247
The electricity is being conducted through the hot dog. Sticking the LEDs in causes them to light.

>>2904209
They poo-poohed my electric frankfurter!

>>2904247

I can't think of a proper way to convey the reasoning, save through a tired meme.

"For the lulz."

Seriously, adding hot dogs to electronics could probably cure cancer and end nuclear winter.

>>2904256
Its making something fun work, its horrible to take away from the fun for some other reason.

>>2904284
they said I probably shouldn't fly with just one eye!

>>2904247

What the fuck is wrong with you?

He's an electrician that was unfortunately born without a sense of humor. It's tragic, really, but there's nothing we can do about it.

>>2904209
Do they have good bonuses?