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  • File :1225424521.jpg-(166 KB, 500x375, allen_radio_telescope_array.jpg)
    166 KB We made a mistake !!Qso1Kr9WQWm 10/30/08(Thu)23:42 No.2911901  
    !MESSAGE BEGINS

    We made a mistake. That is the simple, undeniable truth of the matter, however painful it might be. The flaw was not in our Observatories, for those machines were as perfect as we could make, and they showed us only the unfiltered light of truth. The flaw was not in the Predictor, for it is a device of pure, infallible logic, turning raw data into meaningful information without the taint of emotion or bias. No, the flaw was within us, the Orchestrators of this disaster, the sentients who thought themselves beyond such failings. We are responsible.

    It began a short while ago, as these things are measured, less than 6^6 Deeli ago, though I suspect our systems of measure will mean very little by the time anyone receives this transmission. We detected faint radio signals from a blossoming intelligence 2^14 Deelis outward from the Galactic Core, as photons travel. At first crude and unstructured, these leaking broadcasts quickly grew in complexity and strength, as did the messages they carried. Through our Observatories we watched a world of strife and violence, populated by a barbaric race of short-lived, fast breeding vermin. They were brutal and uncultured things which stabbed and shot and burned each other with no regard for life or purpose. Even their concepts of Art spoke of conflict and pain. They divided themselves according to some bizarre cultural patterns and set their every industry to cause of death.
    >> We made a mistake !!Qso1Kr9WQWm 10/30/08(Thu)23:42 No.2911904
    They terrified us, but we were older and wiser and so very far away, so we did not fret. Then we watched them split the atom and breach the heavens within the breadth of one of their single, short generations, and we began to worry. When they began actively transmitting messages and greetings into space, we felt fear and horror. Their transmissions promised peace and camaraderie to any who were listening, but we had watched them for too long to buy into such transparent deceptions. They knew we were out here, and they were coming for us.

    The Orchestrators consulted the Predictor, and the output was dire. They would multiply and grow and flood out of their home system like some uncountable tide of Devourer worms, consuming all that lay in their path. It might take 6^8 Deelis, but they would destroy us if left unchecked. With aching carapaces we decided to act, and sealed our fate.

    The Gift of Mercy was 8^4 strides long with a mouth 2/4 that in diameter, filled with many 4^4 weights of machinery, fuel, and ballast. It would push itself up to 2/8th of light speed with its onboard fuel, and then begin to consume interstellar Primary Element 2/2 to feed its unlimited acceleration. It would be traveling at nearly light speed when it hit. They would never see it coming. Its launch was a day of mourning, celebration, and reflection. The horror of the act we had committed weighted heavily upon us all; the necessity of our crime did little to comfort us.
    >> We made a mistake !!Qso1Kr9WQWm 10/30/08(Thu)23:44 No.2911914
    The Gift had barely cleared the outer cometary halo when the mistake was realized, but it was too late. The Gift could not be caught, could not be recalled or diverted from its path. The architects and work crews, horrified at the awful power of the thing upon which they labored, had quietly self-terminated in droves, walking unshielded into radiation zones, neglecting proper null pressure safety or simple ceasing their nutrient consumption until their metabolic functions stopped. The appalling cost in lives had forced the Ochestrators to streamline the Gift’s design and construction. There had been no time for the design or implementation of anything beyond the simple, massive engines and the stabilizing systems. We could only watch in shame and horror as the light of genocide faded into infrared against the distant void.

    They grew, and they changed, in a handful of lifetimes they abolished war, abandoned their violent tendencies and turned themselves to the grand purposes of life and Art. We watched them remake first themselves, and then their world. Their frail, soft bodies gave way to gleaming metals and plastics, they unified their people through an omnipresent communications grid and produced Art of such power and emotion, the likes of which the Galaxy has never seen before. Or again, because of us.
    >> We made a mistake !!Qso1Kr9WQWm 10/30/08(Thu)23:45 No.2911920
    They converted their home world into a paradise (by their standards) and many 10^6s of them poured out into the surrounding system with a rapidity and vigor that we could only envy. With bodies built to survive every environment from the day lit surface of their innermost world, to the atmosphere of their largest gas giant and the cold void in-between, they set out to sculpt their system into something beautiful. At first we thought them simple miners, stripping the rocky planets and moons for vital resources, but then we began to see the purpose to their constructions, the artworks carved into every surface, and traced across the system in glittering lights and dancing fusion trails. And still, our terrible Gift approached.

    They had less than 2^2 Deeli to see it, following so closely on the tail of its own light. In that time, oh so brief even by their fleeting lives, more than 10^10 sentients prepared for death. Lovers exchanged last words, separated by worlds and the tyranny of light speed. Their planet side engineers worked frantically to build sufficient transmission infrastructure to upload the countless masses with the necessary neural modifications, while those above dumped lifetimes of music and literature from their databanks to make room for passengers. Those lacking the required hardware or the time to acquire it consigned themselves to death, lashed out in fear and pain, or simply went about their lives as best they could under the circumstances.
    >> We made a mistake !!Qso1Kr9WQWm 10/30/08(Thu)23:45 No.2911924
    The Gift arrived suddenly, the light of its impact visible in our skies, shining bright and cruel even to the unaugmented ocular receptor. We watched and we wept for our victims, dead so many Deelis before the light of their doom had even reached us. Many 6^4s of those who had been directly or even tangentially involved in the creation of the Gift sealed their spiracles with paste as a final penance for the small roles they had played in this atrocity. The light dimmed, the dust cleared, and our Observatories refocused upon the place where their shining blue world had once hung in the void, and found only dust and the pale gleam of an orphaned moon, wrapped in a thin, burning wisp of atmosphere that had once belonged to its parent.

    Radiation and relativistic shrapnel had wiped out much of the inner system, and continent sized chunks of molten rock carried screaming ghosts outward at interstellar escape velocities, damned to wander the great void for an eternity. The damage was apocalyptic, but not complete, from the shadows of the outer worlds, tiny points of light emerged, thousands of fusion trails of single ships and world ships and everything in between, many 10^6s of survivors in flesh and steel and memory banks, ready to rebuild. For a few moments we felt relief, even joy, and we were filled with the hope that their culture and Art would survive the terrible blow we had dealt them. Then came the message, tightly focused at our star, transmitted simultaneously by hundreds of their ships.

    "We know you are out there, and we are coming for you."

    !MESSAGE ENDS
    >> Anonymous 10/30/08(Thu)23:46 No.2911927
    fuck yeah!
    >> Anonymous 10/30/08(Thu)23:50 No.2911945
    This is beautiful work.
    >> Anonymous 10/30/08(Thu)23:53 No.2911957
    How would we know it was they that sent the Gift?
    >> Anonymous 10/30/08(Thu)23:53 No.2911959
    FUCK YEAH WRITEFAG!!!!

    CLOSING OTHER THREAD!!!!

    CRUISE CONTROL!!!!!
    >> Chill Penguin 10/30/08(Thu)23:55 No.2911960
    Gonna kick some alien ass! Also, -2 for blatant liberalism.
    >> MR. RAGE !D9l9S8Lio6 10/30/08(Thu)23:55 No.2911961
    >>2911957

    PRESUMABLY WE DIDN'T IDENTIFY THE EXACT CREATURES RESPONSIBLE, BUT OUR HUMAN SCIENCE! ALLOWED US TO RETRACE THE OBJECT'S PATH AND TAKE A STAB AT ITS ACCELERATION RATE TO FIGURE OUT WHERE IT STARTED.

    OTHER THAN THAT, WE WERE PROBABLY JUST MEGAPHONING TO THE GALAXY IN HUMANRAGE.
    >> Anonymous 10/30/08(Thu)23:56 No.2911970
    >>2911957

    Follow the radiation that the ramjet left
    >> MR. RAGE !D9l9S8Lio6 10/30/08(Thu)23:58 No.2911977
    >>2911961

    SCRATCH THAT LAST LINE, I'M AN IDIOT.

    I DIDN'T CATCH THAT THE MESSAGE WAS SO TIGHTLY FOCUSED.

    >>2911970

    IS PROBABLY RIGHT.
    >> Anonymous 10/30/08(Thu)23:59 No.2911984
    >>2911961
    >OTHER THAN THAT, WE WERE PROBABLY JUST MEGAPHONING TO THE GALAXY IN HUMANRAGE.

    I lol'd
    >> Anonymous 10/30/08(Thu)23:59 No.2911986
    >>2911962
    >>2911973
    is this from one of those BOLO books?
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)00:01 No.2911994
    this would be an interesting future for Transhuman Space. I had thought about first contact with alien AIs but hadn't considered them nukeing Earth.
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)00:04 No.2912004
    >>2911901
    I think you should submit this short story to one of those science fiction journals.
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)00:05 No.2912019
    Fucking awesome
    >> Chill Penguin 10/31/08(Fri)00:06 No.2912026
    >>2911994
    That might be a bad idea for them. Even if we don't retaliate, someone else might notice the event and trace the attack back to them. In self defense they might choose a quiet means of eradicating whomever did it.
    >> MR. RAGE !D9l9S8Lio6 10/31/08(Fri)00:08 No.2912040
    SHIT LIKE THIS MAKES ME WISH WHATEVER GENRE MOO AND SPACE EMPIRES BELONGED TO HADN'T DIED, UNAPPRECIATED AND UNEXPANDED UPON.

    JUST IMAGINE THE DEPTH YOU COULD PUT INTO AN INTERGALACTIC 4X GAME, ANYMORE.
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)00:08 No.2912041
    >My eight powerful limbs propelled me upwards,
    wat
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)00:08 No.2912043
    >>2912011
    Honestly, I think you should have shorthand for the machine and the soul. Like, the machine is named daisy, for instance. "Daisy had no problem at all calculating the complex firing vectors back to their source"

    Just my two cents.
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)00:09 No.2912046
    This is some of the best writefaggotry I've seen in a while. It's actually better than the sci-fi book I'm reading at the moment. Please, write more!
    >> Eldrad, Insane Individual of Incomprehensible Incompetance (Just as planned.) !!srlFJqQzH9+ 10/31/08(Fri)00:09 No.2912052
    >>2912040

    MOO?
    >> MR. RAGE !D9l9S8Lio6 10/31/08(Fri)00:10 No.2912056
    >>2912041

    YOU THINK WE'LL REALLY STICK WITH OUR GOD-GIVEN 4 WHEN WE START BUILDING OUR OWN BODIES?
    >> MR. RAGE !D9l9S8Lio6 10/31/08(Fri)00:12 No.2912063
    >>2912052

    MASTERS OF ORION. NORMALLY IT'S SET APART FROM "MOO COW SOUND" BY THE SMALL CASE MIDDLE "O", BUT WHAT WITH THE CAPS...
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)00:12 No.2912065
    >>2912004
    Seconded
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)00:13 No.2912073
    >>2912041
    Probably some sort of armored suit thing, only without the guy inside. Sounds like we stopped relying on squishy flesh during combat.
    >> Chill Penguin 10/31/08(Fri)00:14 No.2912078
    >>2912004
    It probably CAME from a Science Fiction journal.
    >> We made a mistake !!Qso1Kr9WQWm 10/31/08(Fri)00:14 No.2912081
    >>2911957
    Relativistic weapons are not subtle, and they don't turn so well. It would mostly be a matter of backtracking its trajectory until you find a star.

    >>2911986
    I was heavily inspired by the whole concept of "Properly applied technology makes things fucking badass" from the BOLO books.

    >>2911994
    No human, you are the AI

    >>2912004
    It's tempting, if only because I wouldn't have to chop my story into 30 pieces to make it fit.
    >> Chill Penguin 10/31/08(Fri)00:14 No.2912083
    >>2912073
    No, I get the impression the "guy" is 100% machine.
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)00:14 No.2912085
    >>2912052
    Moo Moo.
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)00:15 No.2912086
    >>2912040
    Galactic Civilizations II.
    Still going strong. Published by a company more interested in doing it well that doing it quickly.
    >> Eldrad, Insane Individual of Incomprehensible Incompetance (Just as planned.) !!srlFJqQzH9+ 10/31/08(Fri)00:15 No.2912087
    >>2912063

    Point taken and no harm to your reputation, Mr. Rage.

    So I'm guessing the Message is the aliens, and the Recording is the "humans".

    Though how I could call them humans when they have chitinous bodies is debatable.

    Continue anyway, OP. You've written and excellent story.
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)00:17 No.2912093
    Nice work, OP. I got all tingly when I read the last line.
    >> MR. RAGE !D9l9S8Lio6 10/31/08(Fri)00:17 No.2912096
    >>2912086

    GCII IS PRETTY GOOD. PLAYED IT AND LIKED IT, BUT IT JUST DOESN'T HAVE THE SAME FEEL.

    I FELT MORE LIKE AN RTS COMMANDER THAN A GALACTIC EMPEROR. NOT THAT THE FORMER IS BAD, JUST NOT WHAT I'M LONGING FOR.
    >> Eldrad, Insane Individual of Incomprehensible Incompetance (Just as planned.) !!srlFJqQzH9+ 10/31/08(Fri)00:19 No.2912114
    >>2912096

    >I wish to be the Emprah?
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)00:21 No.2912124
    >>2912083
    I kind of implied that with my post. I was referring to the scale. He seems to be some sort of infantry, as opposed to the "tanks" he meets.
    >> We made a mistake !!Qso1Kr9WQWm 10/31/08(Fri)00:21 No.2912125
    >>2912041
    Yeah that part sounded kind of dumb. I need to think up a better segue into "horrific arachnid battle cyborg."

    >>2912043
    I could probably have handled it better, but the idea is that in the future, anything that machines can do better than humans will be done by machines. The part of you brain that handles math and physics? Cut out and replaced with a fancy calculator that perfectly integrates with your brain. It's not a pet robot, it's a part of the person.
    >> We made a mistake !!Qso1Kr9WQWm 10/31/08(Fri)00:24 No.2912132
    >>2912056
    Yeah I'm always wishing I had an extra arm or three when carrying shit.

    >>2912073
    Why use flesh outside of combat? Do you know how many people die in car accidents or fall down stairs and cripple their fragile bodies every day?
    >> Eldrad, Insane Individual of Incomprehensible Incompetance (Just as planned.) !!srlFJqQzH9+ 10/31/08(Fri)00:25 No.2912142
    >>2912125

    Four limbs. Just make them faster and more powerful than the aliens due to superior technology or something.
    >> We made a mistake !!Qso1Kr9WQWm 10/31/08(Fri)00:27 No.2912147
    >>2912078
    It came out of my head, but I've got so many sci-fi books and journals bouncing around in my skull that I probably ripped someone off unintentionally. I thought I might be channeling a bit too much Starship Troopers in the drop pod scene, but I couldn't find my copy to check.
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)00:27 No.2912152
    >>2912132
    It's kind of implied that such problems are taken care of.

    Besides, flesh is fun.
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)00:28 No.2912154
    When I saw this story posted before, I liked it because it was simple, and awesome, and didn't fall into the trap of the other stories, where mankind was SO FUCKING AWESTREAM AND SUPERTECHED UP AND ABLE TO KILL FUCKING GOD WITH THEIR HYAHYAHYAHYAHYA AND ATATATATATATATATATATAT.

    And here we are again.
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)00:34 No.2912172
    >>2912142
    >Four limbs
    >faster and more powerful

    Fucking super-monkeys, man.

    Come up with a body that can sprint at several hundred MPH and leap a tall building in a single bound. Use and considerably augment the human brain's own ballistic calculation ability for this.

    Think about it, actually - would a race that didn't descend from arboreal tree-hoppers have nearly such intuitive capacity for and interest in artillery and other indirect weapons?
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)00:34 No.2912173
    >>2912154
    sux to be you, xenos scum.
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)00:34 No.2912176
    >>2912172
    Except man didn't, dumbass, we were plainsdwellers.
    >> We made a mistake !!Qso1Kr9WQWm 10/31/08(Fri)00:36 No.2912183
    >>2912142
    Four limbs bad, eight limbs good. Bipedal sci-fi super soldiers are a dime a dozen, and the human tech isn't necessarily better, they did lose a couple of tanks and a bunch of infantry off screen. It's not about superior tech or strategy, it's about dropping a few million seriously pissed off cyborgs on an alien planet and having them do horrible things to the populace with no regard for their own survival.
    >> NOT MR RAGE, BUT A FAN 10/31/08(Fri)00:36 No.2912185
    >>2912154

    GODDAMN IT WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? THIS SHIT IS THE EXCEPTION, NOT THE RULE. MOST SETTINGS HAVE HUMANS SITTING THERE PICKING THEIR NOSES WITH LOL HUMAN SPIRIT AND INN-U-VA-SHUN DESPITE OUR RETARD TECH LEVEL.
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)00:39 No.2912198
    This short story sounds like the prequel to total annihilation.
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)00:42 No.2912213
    >>2912185
    BECAUSE HAVING A STORY WHERE THE BAD GUYS ARE NOT EVEN UNDERDOGS, BUT MORE LIKE RETARDDOGS, ISN'T REALLY ENTERTAINING EXCEPT TO PEOPLE WHO JUST WANT TO BE SATISFIED THAT NOBODY HAS DONE ONE LIKE THAT. AND DBZ FANS.
    >> We made a mistake !!Qso1Kr9WQWm 10/31/08(Fri)00:44 No.2912227
    >>2912154
    The first story kind of happened by accident, I'm not sure where I got the inspiration for it, but it was too good to not follow up on it. Unfortunately, I kind of wrote myself into a corner with the ending. How else are the surviving humans supposed to react to such an attack? Hallmark cards and flowers? I hate that Star Trek "please stop shooting us, can't we be friends?" bullshit. When aliens blow up the earth, the only logical response is to kill some fucking aliens.
    >> EVERYONE DO THE CAPSLOCK DANCE 10/31/08(Fri)00:45 No.2912230
    >>2912185
    WEEEEELLL LETS SEE NOW, WE HAVE A STORY THAT WENT FROM BEING A SHORT POIGNANT STORY THAT LEFT YOU SILENTLY NODDING YOUR HEAD ABOUT HUMANITY'S REACTION, TO A STORY THAT WOULD MAKE HEINLEIN JIZZ DOWN HIS LEG ABOUT HOW INVINCIBLE HUMANITY'S WARRIORS ARE AND OUR FOES ARE BARELY INTELLIGENT SLOTH-BUGS WHO WERE COMMITTING SUICIDE IN DROVES IN THE FIRST PART BUT ARE NOW FEEBLY ATTEMPTING TO COMBAT THE RIGHTEOUS FURY OF THE HUMARINES LIKE IT WAS STRAIGHT OUT OF 40K'S PROPOGANDA
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)00:50 No.2912249
    >>2911901
    heed not the sage storm. this was good.
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)00:58 No.2912292
    >>2912230

    Firefighters vs trained soldiers = pretty unbalanced, and it's not like the human forces aren't taking plenty of casualties in the background.
    >> EVERYONE DO THE CAPSLOCK DANCE 10/31/08(Fri)01:05 No.2912312
    >>2912292
    AND TELL ME, WHERE DID THIS OCCUR? SOME TANKS LOST THEIR BUDDIES AND THEIR INFANTRY, CONSIDERING THEY WERE SHOT FROM ORBIT, MEH. THE ALIEN BUGS WEAPONRY WAS ONLY "POTENTIALLY" DANGEROUS TO THE *INFANTRY*MAN. THEY WERE DISTRACTED AND RAVAGED BY WIND AND WEATHER. THEN SOME FLASHBANGS MADE THEM USELESS, WHILE THE NINJAHUMAN EFFORTLESSLY KILLED THEM ALL.

    GODDAMN, MANKIND IS FIGHTING AN UPHILL BATTLE AGAINST THESE MURDERMACHINES.
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)01:12 No.2912331
    >>2912312
    When you're at home reading a novel you don't like, do you put it down and read something else or do you keep reading and start yelling at the book? I'm getting the impression it's the latter, because you could always hide the thread.
    >> We made a mistake !!Qso1Kr9WQWm 10/31/08(Fri)01:13 No.2912336
    >>2912230
    I'll tell you what, I'm gonna get some sleep, and tomorrow I'll finish writing what was supposed to be the original ending to Part II, and post it here just for you. Part II stopped when I got tired of typing, not when I had reached any kind of satisfying conclusion. I got a bit carried away on the violence, originally I was just gonna have him butcher civilians for a few more paragraphs and then feel kind of bad about it. Then I realized, the aliens have been watching our TV for hundreds of years, and have known we were coming for a good while, they should at least try to put up a fight.

    Post more criticism.
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)01:16 No.2912342
    >>2912331
    He's trying to give some feedback to the author; namely that the story is more powerful if you keep the first part and take out the second (I happen to agree). Perhaps he is getting too excited over the issue, but it is always upsetting if something you like ends up changing.
    >> EVERYONE DO THE CAPSLOCK DANCE 10/31/08(Fri)01:21 No.2912356
    >>2912336
    WELL, TO BE HONEST, I REALLY ENJOYED THE FIRST PART IMMENSELY. I JUST FEEL THAT YOU REALLY CHANGED DIRECTION AND FEEL. WE KNEW THAT HUMANITY WAS READY TO BUST DOWN THE DOORS WITH AN ANGRY LOOK ON HIS FACE AND START VOMITPUNCHING PEOPLE UNTIL THEY DIED, AND RATHER THAN CARRY ON YOU JUST KIND OF TURNED IT INTO GURO/SCI-FI GUN PORN. I REALLY DID THINK THAT FIRST PART WAS AWESOME, AND WORTH SENDING INTO A SCI-FI MAGAZINE, BUT THE SECOND PART... WELL IT FEELS LIKE I JUST FINISHED WATCHING THE KICK-ASS INTRODUCTION TO A VIDEO GAME AND NOW I'M STUCK WITH THE WATERED DOWN VERSION FOR THE MAIN GAME WHERE THEY SUBSTITUTE VIOLENCE TO MAKE IT PLAYABLE.
    >> EVERYONE DO THE CAPSLOCK DANCE 10/31/08(Fri)01:23 No.2912371
    >>2912331
    >>2912342
    I'M NOT REALLY THAT UPSET, I GUESS, I JUST LIKE TALKING IN ALL CAPS. LIKE I'M JUST BEING REALLY LOUD WHILE CALM.
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)01:24 No.2912377
    >>2912336
    Well, the aliens did consider mankind as barbaric before, and also said that humans advanced, technologically, really fast.
    So humans would still rape the aliens, as they seen to be focused on something different than war, unlike the enraged humans.
    IMO, make humans discover the original message, after eradicating the aliens, and finish the text with a line similar to the original "we made mistake".
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)01:28 No.2912395
    This is pretty awesome. The first bit was really enjoyable, and the second bit was ok so long as the aliens show they aren't going to go without a fight.
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)01:32 No.2912409
    >>2912342
    agreeing on keeping the first and ditching the second. I couldn't even tell they were related until someone pointed it out, and the first one is far better.
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)01:32 No.2912412
    >>2912377
    perfection... i feel almost like i read a spoiler of the ending.
    >> PointMan 10/31/08(Fri)01:37 No.2912438
    Op, this is decent enough writefaggotry, ignore the contrary happy retards who say otherwise. Also, consider some sort of bipedal infantry in power armor for the humans in this setting. It may not be realistic, but it is more entertaining.
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)01:37 No.2912439
    >>2912412
    Heh, thanks, I hope that OP likes it.
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)01:39 No.2912448
    >>2912438
    >Op, this is decent enough
    >ignore the contrary happy retards
    Well fuck you with a howdy do.
    >> PointMan 10/31/08(Fri)01:49 No.2912491
    >>2912448I have never written anything at all, or drawn anything, or been creative at all, and yet, i will insult those who do in order to make up for my microscopic penis.
    Awww poor baby can't take a little insult.
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)01:50 No.2912498
    >>2912312
    An answer to that would have to be simple shock tactics. Besides, he regarded the vehicle weapons as extremely threatening, and from the sounds of it, the enemy's forces were taken extremely off guard.

    Besides, the fucking point of flashbangs is to make the victims useless while the attack has no problem.

    But still, you've got a pretty good point. It'd worked better if it had been a more pitched battle, and he did seem to really be channeling Hein.
    >> We made a mistake !!Qso1Kr9WQWm 10/31/08(Fri)02:02 No.2912555
    >>2912439
    I'm totally stealing it.
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)02:03 No.2912561
    i've seen some write faggotry in my time, and this is better than most of it
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)02:07 No.2912574
    >>2911901

    Xiombarg wouldn't approve, but Donblas might. Too much lawful vengeful going on there.
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)02:24 No.2912643
    >>2912498
    How were the enemies taken so off-guard when their observational technology, at least, seems to have been pretty damn good? Did they predict the humans to go about attacking them as if they were their enlightened descendants going about a brutal but necessary cleansing, rather than reverting back into their primordial HUMAN SMASH XENOS nature augmented with SUPERSCIENCE?
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)02:26 No.2912648
    >>2912574 Xiombarg
    I knew this story was missing something!

    LESBIANS!
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)02:30 No.2912663
    >I knew this story was missing something!

    >XENOPHILIA!
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)02:32 No.2912669
    >I knew this story was missing something!

    >LESBOXENOROTICA!
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)03:04 No.2912742
    >and finish the text with a line similar to the original "we made mistake".
    Or you could add a distinct human touch to it:
    "To whatever uglies that may still be out there, we... We are sorry..."
    >> Amazing 10/31/08(Fri)03:05 No.2912745
         File :1225436726.gif-(344 KB, 180x100, You're Awesome.gif)
    344 KB
    >>2912669
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)05:18 No.2913328
    \o/
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)05:22 No.2913342
    >>2912742

    or something along the lines of "fuck with our shit and we will take your face to the curb HUMANS FUCK YEAH'
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)05:29 No.2913360
    >>2913342
    You spelt "FUCK YEAR" wrong.
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)05:29 No.2913362
    >>2913342
    A constant, megaphone to the universe broadcast from the wind-swept ruins of a planet of ash and bone dust, stating only, "In exchange for fallen Earth, this desolate ball of death is now Mankind's. A home world for a home world."
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)06:00 No.2913445
    well fuck
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)06:08 No.2913465
         File :1225447697.png-(140 KB, 1016x545, Humans, fuck yeah.png)
    140 KB
    >>2913362
    But what happens when somebody/thing else sees that? I'd figure out a way to take whatever insane, vengeful planet destroyers out of the picture for good.

    Then again the scum did bring it on themselves.
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)06:15 No.2913484
    Bearing in mind that the xeno race are portrayed as being enlightened, sensitive and collectively wracked with guilt for their destruction of Earth, it might expected that they don't put up as much of a fight as humans would. They're also older, slower to develop, and nowhere near as warlike as humanity. The humans have fallen back on stuff they've been doing for thousands of years, now augmented with futuretech. The xenos aren't naturally predisposed to war, and are trying to learn it from scratch.

    Also, bear in mind that the human (or rather transhuman) revenge-fleet has had centuries of interstellar journey time to refine their weapons technology, and have a HUGE score to settle.

    Do not underestimate the killing power of tricked-out cyborg monkeys with a grudge.
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)07:15 No.2913645
    >>2912227
    IMO the aliens could've just sent a honest explanation of what happened, and why. If humankind was at the point they were terraforming planets into pretty designs they'd be compassionate enough to understand.
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)12:23 No.2914652
    Does anyone know where those Human Pride-threads were saved, if anywhere?
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)12:43 No.2914755
    >>2914652

    http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/2709630/
    http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/2710711/
    http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/2711290/

    Those you mean?
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)12:50 No.2914782
    >>2914755 here

    I also did go and asked to archive this here.
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)13:37 No.2914955
    So why didn't the aliens surrender immeadiately? They clearly expressed regret on the level of mass suicide of thousands if not hundreds of thousands of intelligent beings, but instead we get HUMAN SMASH XENO BUGS HEH HEH, with the bugs fighting back feebly.

    Yes yes, I'm sure you can come up with all kinds of realistic and sensible reasons as to why the Humarines would Exterminatus the planet with infantry, but the point is that the story took a sudden and abrupt turn. The first story was about humanity's changes, when they dealt with themselves, and when they were attacked. By comparison the second part of the story was just a base gun porn story/battle report about how OOH RAH the humans are and how nothing can stand before their invincible might.
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)13:43 No.2914974
    >>2914755

    Yes, exactly those. Thank you.
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)13:44 No.2914976
    >>2914955
    The story isn't over yet. Maybe they will surrender shortly. Then the human get to end the story by saying "we made a mistake."

    Also, I imagine that most humans didn't ship off for war. Even if only 1% of the human population RAGED hard enough to go to war, given that the human race has expanded to fill the solar system, that would still be billions of soldiers. Then multiply each soldier by the number of extra machine bodies she can control simultaneously, and the number of clones of she can make of herself, and you've got more soldiers than earth's current human population.
    >> e l i t e !!hN3cVk7VMv6 10/31/08(Fri)13:51 No.2915002
    This is a good story.
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)14:21 No.2915125
    I think that the second part shouldn't be some report, it should be some kind of log, maybe a book, from the human perspective, years after the war, so they, clearly, are ashamed from the bloodlust and the eradication of that alien species, and how they degraded to their old ways.
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)14:22 No.2915131
    >>2915125
    Fuck off alien-lover
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)20:50 No.2916571
    >>2915125
    Only a treasonous Liberal would regret wiping out a species that annihilated trillions of humans in a single act.
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)21:06 No.2916643
    fucking liberal faggots go back to your mom's teat if you can squeeze in
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)21:24 No.2916696
    First off, I'd like nothing better than to see this fixed up and put in a sci-fi mag. With that in mind:

    Part one is awesome. Part two is generic. Why? Possibly because the nonspecific nature of the first part lets the imagination roam, while the detailed second part has been written scores of times by numerous (and frankly, better) writers. If you're going to have a Part two, you shouldn't tell how the humans kill the aliens. You should just emphasize how swift and brutal it is in a very laid-back manner. Leave the details to the reader again, and let them imagine that it's even worse than you are describing. I understand that doing this will make it harder to show rather than to tell, but it should be a worthwhile fix. It will let you play to the strengths in your writing.
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)21:30 No.2916715
    >>2916696
    gb2mommy, liberalfag
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)21:31 No.2916720
    >>2916715

    0/10

    Try harder, troll.
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)21:32 No.2916722
    >>2915131
    >>2916571
    >>2916643
    >>2916715

    Fuckingstupidmind
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)21:36 No.2916737
    >>2916643
    wat
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)21:45 No.2916773
    I'm enjoying this writefaggotry.

    Also -
    >>2916571
    >>2916643
    >>2916715
    /tg/ - Totally Gay (for McCain)
    >> Stranger 10/31/08(Fri)21:54 No.2916825
    I'm much pleased by this writefaggory. Much pleased indeed.

    I mean, the themes of lashing out at a perceived threat and the revenge that would follow have been done, but I feel this is done well. I think we should have a big place set aside for all our badass scifi stuff, cause we have been gifted with some talented writefags. Damn talented.
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)22:17 No.2916997
    Damn good stuff, Mistake, damn good! This is seriously better than most professionally published scifi. I do agree that the first part was clearly superior, but part II is still pretty good, just different. My favorite part about it was the implication that the human revenge force was fighting some kind of decentralized, anarchic, crowd-sourced war. Very cool.
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)22:25 No.2917067
    I think it's better titled "The Gift."
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)22:43 No.2917213
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    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)22:53 No.2917289
    Writefag wins 1000 internetz.
    >> Anonymous 10/31/08(Fri)23:04 No.2917353
    First part was bland and meh, second part was AWESOME. Don't let the faggots tell you otherwise, OP, the second is WAY better.
    >> Anonymous 11/01/08(Sat)00:53 No.2917905
    >>2916696

    I probably should have done something like that, I suck at details. I thought the style of the first would get boring if I dragged it out for too long, and Mr. Alien Narrator wasn't going to be alive to write a sequel. Oh well, I'll call it practice and hope I'm a marginally better writer by the time everyone is finished bitching at me for the next couple of chapters.

    Anyways, good news and bad news /tg/!

    Good news, I deleted Part II from this thread!
    Bad news, I'm going to repost it.
    Good news, it's better now! Maybe.
    Bad news, it's still mostly about killing aliens.
    Good news, Part III is done!
    Bad news, It's a lot like Part II, sorry.
    Good news, I'm working on a part IV, and it might not suck.
    >> We made a mistake !!Qso1Kr9WQWm 11/01/08(Sat)00:54 No.2917914
    !RECORDING BEGINS

    In darkness and silence I fell, and for a while I was at peace. Within the armored hull of the pod, suspended in shock gel and a hundred layers of ablative film, I could pretend the universe didn’t exist, had never existed, and that the last 50 years relative had never happened. But in the dark, in the absence of action or stimulus, my machine-self idled and my soul-self let its imagination wander. In my mind’s eye I could see the other pods falling around me, decoys and comrades alike, indistinguishable to the keenest sensors until the rising flak broke them open to spill their contents into the burning sky. I waited for one of the questing beams of light to single out my refuge and end me, and to my surprise some part of me felt afraid. My machine-self counted the seconds and calculated my altitude. It would be a simple thing to end it all, to just empty my mind and wait for the ea- the ground to strike me and erase the memories. The temptation was strong, but I’m not capable of dying quietly, none of us are, or we wouldn’t be here.
    >> We made a mistake !!Qso1Kr9WQWm 11/01/08(Sat)00:55 No.2917921
    A thousand meters above the city, my survival instincts asserted themselves and machine-self triggered the deceleration protocols. Micro-explosives shredded the remains of the heat shielding, filling the air around me with a cloud of glittering, laser-scattering chaff. The drogue chutes deployed, pulling the retrorockets to the end of their tethers a microsecond before they ignited and gravity returned. Spy drones launched themselves from the pod’s exposed skeleton and flew out over the city, relaying telemetry and images to machine-self. A map grew in my mind, heat sources and weapon emplacements highlighted across my vision. Through the eyes of my drones I watched my pod finish its deceleration with the aid of a relatively soft building, and machine-self suspended the detonation of the pod’s release system. Under the building’s rubble, the explosive bolts would only damage my body and bring more wreckage down on my head. I would have to dig my way out.
    >> We made a mistake !!Qso1Kr9WQWm 11/01/08(Sat)00:55 No.2917928
    I probed the debris with ultrasound and machine-self analyzed the composition and distribution of rubble encasing me, finding a small opening above me. I punched one of my limbs through the top of the pod’s skin and placed a small demo charge in the gap, dialing it down to minimum strength before pulling my limb back into the safety of the pod’s confines. The blast cleared the rubble, and the remaining shock gel crystallized around me as it absorbed my half of the energy. I pushed my body upwards through the brittle foam, clambering up through the hole I had made, and took a moment to scan the burning corpse of the building I had landed in. My eyes flickered across the surroundings; soul-self sought meaning in the pictograms and murals that decorated the walls, while machine-self analyzed their material and estimated their resistance to my onboard weaponry. Both my selves snapped to attention as a strange, patterned chattering became audible over the roar of the flames, and one of The Enemy entered the hall.
    >> We made a mistake !!Qso1Kr9WQWm 11/01/08(Sat)00:56 No.2917929
    Machine-self studied it dispassionately, carefully measuring and noting every feature of its alien form. It stood two meters tall and roughly three across, looking very much like a crab wrapped in Mylar film. It was made of fours. It had four arms and four legs, four eye stalks, four “fingers” at the end of each arm and four claws on each “foot.” It was lugging some kind of breathing apparatus on the flat shelf of its back, and clutched a hose and nozzle contraption in two of its hands, spraying fire-retardant foam onto the smoldering walls around it. My soul-self didn’t care about its function or purpose; I felt only hate and rage. Soul-self formed an intent, machine-self calculated a course of action, and my body leapt from behind the rubble that concealed me from The Enemy’s sight.
    >> We made a mistake !!Qso1Kr9WQWm 11/01/08(Sat)00:57 No.2917939
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    Eight cybernetic limbs propelled me upwards, faster than the monster’s twitching eyes could follow. I pushed off the high ceiling, my inorganic frame and pre-programmed responses moving with unnatural speed, and landed behind the creature with a loud crash. It let out a high frequency chattering and spun to face me, dropping its hose in panic. This specimen of The Enemy was clearly not a soldier, it wasn’t prepared to face anything like me, but I didn’t care. I darted forward and clamped two of my forelimbs onto the upper segment of its body and two on the bottom half, and pulled it apart like a lobster. I felt its chitinous exoskeleton crunch under the Mylar clothing as it helplessly beat its arms against my armored carapace, and something inside of me felt joy for the first time in a very long while. From behind me came a noise I would quickly come to recognize as a scream, and I swiveled to meet the new targets.
    >> We made a mistake !!Qso1Kr9WQWm 11/01/08(Sat)00:59 No.2917948
    There were three more of the things in the next room, looking at me with what could only be terror. My machine-self noted their size and numbers, the digging tools clutched in their claws, the potentially explosive tanks of breathing gas that each one carried, and the unstable structure of the building around me and determined they might actually pose a threat to my combat chassis. Dispensing with theatrics, I simply fired a high velocity electomag slug at a point on each of their shells equidistant from all four eye stalks, assuming (rightly so) that it would be a major nerve cluster. As the three fell dead, I turned my attention back to my original target, which remained alive despite its gruesome bisection. I hesitated in thought, it had been nearly seven minutes since my landing and military personnel couldn’t be far behind the damage control teams. But there were billions of these monsters on this world, and we would need a good understanding of their anatomy to kill them all. I unfolded a combat blade from my right forelimb and went to work.
    >> We made a mistake !!Qso1Kr9WQWm 11/01/08(Sat)00:59 No.2917954
    The skies of this world had been clear and cloudless before we came, the ground bright and hot with reflected sunlight from their endless days, but that had quickly changed. Towering mountains of reflective chaff filled the atmosphere, reaching up to the edge of space and casting dark shadows across the cities that had known the continuous light of two suns for thousands of years. Sinking chaff met rising smoke, hot and cold air mixed for the first time in recorded history and micro-storms formed between the glass and stone towers that had housed this world’s murderous denizens for untold generations. A small squad of four Enemy soldiers had gathered around the entrance to the building I had landed in, unwilling to enter, and seemingly incapable of simply leveling the structure with explosives. It mattered little, I had slipped out of a window when a brief whirlwind had blown down the main avenue, spitting out harmless ball lightning that crawled across their emplacements and left them cowering on the ground. I clung to a shadowed wall a block to west of them, my body recharging itself from a power line, machine-self analyzing their weapons and technology while the weather quickly eroded their fighting spirit. A lucky shot from their powerful but clumsy handheld weapons could easily damage or destroy my body, and the vehicles approaching from the east mounted some seriously threatening equipment. Fortunately I was not alone in this place.
    >> We made a mistake !!Qso1Kr9WQWm 11/01/08(Sat)00:59 No.2917958
    Somewhere down the road a heavy gun spoke and one of The Enemy’s tracked vehicles erupted into flame. The remaining three vehicles turned their armored prows toward the threat and began firing into the distance, trying to pick out the source of the attack in the storm lit gloom. The armored infantry rose from cover and began firing, their backs to me. I launched a volley of smoke bombs and sonic strobes into their emplacements and dropped off the wall, bounding across the road in a heart beat and tearing into them with my combat blades and Electromag Cannon. I hit the first one from behind, shoving it forward into the low marble wall it had been crouched behind. Diamond edged claws peeled back a plate in its bulky ballistic armor, and a Low-V EM slug liquefied everything inside the suit before it could make a sound. The screaming sonic strobes and swirling smoke left them disoriented and blind, but the howling wind was rapidly thinning out my cover. My inertial compass and internal map told me there was another of the Enemy’s troops six meters south of me, assuming they hadn’t moved very far since I popped the smoke grenades. I hunkered down low to the ground and scuttled forward until I could make out the muzzle flash of its weapon as it fired wildly into the surrounding smoke.
    >> We made a mistake !!Qso1Kr9WQWm 11/01/08(Sat)01:00 No.2917960
    I was two meters from it when a section the wall next to me exploded, sending fragments of hot stone bouncing off of my metal skin. I responded with a hasty HV shot at the muzzle flash and was rewarded with a brilliant flash of light and an exclamation of pain. The creature darted forward through the thinning smoke, three arms and a smoldering stump outstretched. It bowled into me, a metric ton of meat and armor pushing me backwards across the polished ground. I tried to push it off of me with two of my forelimbs, but it simply grabbed them with its powered gauntlets and began to squeeze. I felt my carapace compress under the strain and lashed out with my other two forelimbs, impaling its “face” with my combat blades, but the armor and exoskeleton were too thick for me to reach its primary nerve cluster. I had only seconds before the smoke was completely gone and its allies noticed our struggle, when machine-self calculated a firing solution. I wrenched my body to the side, straining my limbs even further, and fired a HV round into the stump of its missing arm. The slug punched through the gap in its armor and shattered into a hundred pieces of razor sharp shrapnel that bounced around inside of its armor.
    >> We made a mistake !!Qso1Kr9WQWm 11/01/08(Sat)01:00 No.2917963
    By the time I pushed its shredded corpse off of me, the smoke was gone, and with it went most of my advantages. Five meters in front of me, one of the troopers brought his weapon to bear. I tapped into my dwindling power reserves and sprung from the ground as it fired, covering the distance between us in a single bound. I landed hard on its back, driving it to the ground, wrapped all eight of my limbs around the upper half of its body and squeezed. Armor plates built to deflect bullets and distribute sharp impacts buckled and folded under the pressure, pulping their contents. As my foe collapsed, I franticly scanned my surroundings for the last of the soldiers, and found it crouched three meters away. I didn’t have enough power left for an HV shot, and I had barely enough strength to close distance between us, but it proved unnecessary. A small hole was burned in its armor where one of its fellows had hit it in the chaos of the fighting. Satisfied that the infantry threat had been eliminated, I turned my attention to the guttering wrecks of their vehicles, rent and torn by the superior firepower of my approaching allies.
    >> We made a mistake !!Qso1Kr9WQWm 11/01/08(Sat)01:00 No.2917967
    Dressed in matching black, 8 meter tall bipedal tanks, they identified themselves as Jonathan Kymorez 482 and 739. A third stood at an intersection three blocks to the south, the smoke billowing from its cracked hull indicating the reason for its silence. My machine-self noted the superficial damage the remaining two wore on their scarred hulls and requested a Datanet relay from their machine-selves, while my soul-self thanked them for their firepower and made meaningless small talk. They thanked me for the targets and informed me of a semi-organized push on the well defended northern quarters of the city. They had lost their infantry support and two of their clones shortly after landing, and requested that I scout their path northward. I agreed, and after a brief respite to recharge from the local power grid, I used JK739’s high-gain antenna to pull compiled maps and tactical reports off of the fleet’s Datanet, upload my logs, and then we set off to join up with the rest of the horde.

    !RECORDING ENDS
    >> Anonymous 11/01/08(Sat)01:01 No.2917975
    IT TURNS OUT IT'S MAN
    >> We made a mistake !!Qso1Kr9WQWm 11/01/08(Sat)01:01 No.2917977
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    !RECORDING BEGINS

    It was a city of empty rooms, I reflected as I moved through yet another abandoned building. Every structure was gleaming and pristine on the exterior, but empty and decrepit on the inside. What had happened to the people who had lived here before we came, and who had gone to so much trouble to maintain the exterior of this dead and lonely city? From above, this world had seemed to be the home to tens of billions, but since landing here I had seen no one save soldiers and a few fire control teams. If every city on the globe was like this, there might only be a few million soldiers and groundskeepers. Where had the population gone? At first I thought they had been moved to shelters in preparation for our invasion, but the decaying furniture and rusted appliances spoke of decades of neglect. No, they fled this world long ago, but why leave anyone behind to face our wrath? Were they clones and criminals, left here to harass and delay us, or sacrifices intended to sate our vengeance?
    >> We made a mistake !!Qso1Kr9WQWm 11/01/08(Sat)01:02 No.2917983
    I passed a window and noticed once again the perfectly maintained and polished streets, the civilian vehicles that had become fused to the ground by successive layers of paint and rust, and the meaning became clear. This world was a decoy, a deception and sacrifice in one. They expected us to fight like them, to coldly kill from a distance and go home confident that we had avenged our loved ones. But there was no home left for us, and they didn’t expect that our anger and our rage would take this form. This wasn’t a war to us, it wasn’t some cold and calculated competition for resources or survival, it was about revenge. We were probably the only race in the universe crazy enough to fly across the galaxy and drop and army on our Enemy. No, that’s not true, we’re not an army. Armies have command structures, ranks and organization, ideals and goals. We had just the one goal and a million individual motivations, we were a mob with a direction and nothing more. A muffled scratch interrupted my thoughts and returned me to the job at hand.
    >> We made a mistake !!Qso1Kr9WQWm 11/01/08(Sat)01:02 No.2917990
    The Jonathan Kymorezes told me I had been fortunate to land in one of the quieter parts of the city, they had faced organized resistance the moment they set down and lost most of their armor and all of their support within the first few minutes of fighting. One of their clones had detonated his power core to cover their retreat into the quieter sections of the city, and the explosion had taken out most of their pursuers. Now they were trying to make their way north and join up with the main body of the horde for a push on some important looking and well defended structures. Their tanks, while imposing, were incredibly vulnerable in an urban environment, and it fell upon me to keep them safe from harm. Right now that meant scouting ahead for ambushes, clearing them out if I could, relaying targeting telemetry to the Kymorez brothers for bigger threats, or sneaking them around the most dangerous obstacles. The Enemy was quickly learning the art of the ambush, and my vigilance was being sorely tested.
    >> We made a mistake !!Qso1Kr9WQWm 11/01/08(Sat)01:03 No.2917993
    I crept across the ceiling of what must once have been an extravagant apartment, and listened carefully to the sounds coming from the other side. The Enemy was cold blooded, their respiration almost completely silent, and they were proving they could be almost impossible to detect when they want didn’t want to be noticed. Directly above me, I could hear the soft chatter of alien words and the faint clunk of a rocket launcher being loaded. The anatomy of The Enemy’s appendages and eyes made it difficult for them to aim small arms reliably, but their missiles and vehicle mounted weapons made good use of computer aided targeting, and a lucky shot from a high explosive warhead could cripple or destroy one of my wards. I reached into my pack and pulled out one of the aforementioned warheads, confiscated from a similar ambush attempt five blocks to the south, and glued it to the ceiling. I activated the timer, dropped from the ceiling and ran from the room. The timers on the missiles only had one setting and, not for the first time, I regretted not being more conservative with my demo charges.
    >> We made a mistake !!Qso1Kr9WQWm 11/01/08(Sat)01:03 No.2917996
    The initial blast took out the room and the squad above it, secondary explosions from their ammo cache tore open half the building, and thirty floors of empty rooms slumped into the street below. I clung to the building next door and waited for the smoke to clear, carefully scanning every window and doorway along the street for movement. Half the city was on fire and the sky was a solid mass of lightning, so I didn’t anticipate anything coming to investigate the noise. When the rubble had settled without further signs of life, I signaled the Kymorez brothers to advance from their hiding place. I would have preferred to conduct a building-by-building search to root out any other potential threats, but the brothers were eager to reach the northern front where their heavy weapons could make a difference and, truthfully, so was I. There was something in the north that The Enemy felt compelled to defend, and I would be there to watch it burn.
    >> We made a mistake !!Qso1Kr9WQWm 11/01/08(Sat)01:03 No.2918002
    Two blocks to the north I found the first signs of friendly activity, and three blocks further there was a patrol of a dozen bipedal infantry and a couple of fast, wheeled tanks burning dead crabs in the street. They told us that the route north was clear, dozens of teams were running patrols through the surrounding city to clear the path for reinforcements before the big push got under way. The Kymorez brothers were happy to hear this, and immediately set off to join up with the forces massing at the edge of the Enemy controlled territory, but I wanted take a look around first. I found the largest building on the block and rode its clattering, rusted lift system to the topmost floor, then climbed out onto the windswept roof to survey the surrounding cityscape. Thick, heavy smoke had settled over much of the surrounding city, like an ocean of airborne ash. To the east and south fires were rapidly advancing across the skyline, hot smoke billowing into the sky and mixing with small but violent thunderclouds to create a spectacular lightshow. To the west, silent, sprawling industrial complexes gave out to a wide expanse of water, one of this world’s few, small, landlocked seas. And three kilometers to the north, a thousand meters tall and lit with the reflected light of the burning city, a tower of black crystal rose from the gloom.
    >> We made a mistake !!Qso1Kr9WQWm 11/01/08(Sat)01:04 No.2918005
    Even from this distance I could see it was something special, too thin and graceful to be another of the same residential complexes I had spent hours fighting through. The base of the structure seemed to merge into the ground, as if some bored god had melted the sand into liquid glass and pulled the spire up from it. I could make out the shapes of the Enemy’s forces, infantry manning hardened emplacements and heavy weapons where the tower’s tapering base rose out of the surrounding buildings and smoke like an artificial hill. Our forces would have to fight uphill across the open ground to reach the central spire, without the benefit of the concealing smoke. I tapped into the localized Datanet our forces had set up and scanned the local chatter for any useful information. Gavin Yukoro 176 was making a speech, trying to rally troops for the upcoming assault. The Gavin Yukoros were always making big, grandoise speeches about abstract concepts like glory and honor, and I quickly filtered him out. Reports were coming in from other cities, some were so completely deserted that the assault groups had simply started fires and hijacked transports to other parts of the globe, and some were so heavily fortified that the fleet had to nuke them from orbit to soften them up for the ground attack. I uploaded my observations and theories to the Speculation>Population? Forum and made my way back to the lift. There was no information on the tower to the north, so if I was going to satisfy my curiosity, I would have to do it on my own.

    !RECORDING ENDS
    >> Anonymous 11/01/08(Sat)01:24 No.2918121
    Kind of disappointed. Felt like you really are setting up a video game plot now. Ready to open up to a MMO where everyone is a part of this mob and using the datanet forums while pwning bugs
    >> Mootzarro !moot/UIi/o 11/01/08(Sat)02:19 No.2918491
    >>2917983
    >fly across the galaxy and drop and army on our Enemy
    >drop and army
    >> PointMan 11/01/08(Sat)02:44 No.2918587
    This is also good writefaggotry OP. I DEMANd MOAR!! AGE
    >> Anonymous 11/01/08(Sat)03:02 No.2918650
    MOAR

    because MOAR.
    >> Anonymous 11/01/08(Sat)03:04 No.2918654
    >>2918121
    Fuck you fuckfag, you're just butthurt nobody gives a shit about your stupid huggy kissy bullshit.
    >> Skribulous !hbSw2YmOa6 11/01/08(Sat)03:55 No.2918840
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    I approve of the direction of this thread.

    Oh, and /m/ says hi.
    >> Anonymous 11/01/08(Sat)04:39 No.2919062
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    Thats awesome. Internets to u good sir!
    >> Anonymous 11/01/08(Sat)04:48 No.2919089
    will OP please upload a full text file?
    >> Anonymous 11/01/08(Sat)04:49 No.2919091
    >>2918840
    Ah my balls the only porn I read and forget its a porn. I can't seem to bust a nut while I bust my gut.
    >> Anonymous 11/01/08(Sat)04:54 No.2919104
    >>2918840
    What did this come from?
    >> Anonymous 11/01/08(Sat)04:56 No.2919108
    >>2919104
    My Balls.

    What? I'm serious.
    No, really. There is a manga called My Balls.
    I'd fap to it, but I'm usually too busy laughing my ass off while reading it.
    >> Anonymous 11/01/08(Sat)04:57 No.2919114
    >>2919108
    I thought "ah my balls" was just...I dunno, a really weird expression.
    >> Anonymous 11/01/08(Sat)05:22 No.2919181
    >>2911960
    How? I fail to see how your 1960s logic applies to this excellent piece of writing. It is neither 'liberal' nor 'conservative' in nature.
    >> Amazing 11/01/08(Sat)05:24 No.2919185
    >>2918840

    Humanity's two greatest strengths are our willingness to copulate with anything that has organs to do so (and some things that don't), and our endless inventiveness and perserverance in the field of technology.

    In TL;DR: We are strong because of fucking and SCIENCE!
    >> Random Death Star-Sized Sapient Disco Ball of Tzeentch !4T1uHiOuyE 11/01/08(Sat)05:32 No.2919203
    Hey, a fellow 'My Balls' fan!
    >> Devil 11/01/08(Sat)05:36 No.2919209
    >>2919108
    It is awesome.
    >> Blank 11/01/08(Sat)05:52 No.2919247
    >>2912081

    >>>>2911994
    No human, you are the AI

    no, john, you are the demon?
    >> Devil 11/01/08(Sat)06:07 No.2919305
    >>2919247
    Is John the demons? Who knows any more.
    >> hamster boy 11/01/08(Sat)15:03 No.2921194
    bumping for awesome
    >> Anonymous 11/01/08(Sat)15:17 No.2921288
    Are you all humiliated that the clone of this thread on /r9k/ is still running? It's gotta be one of the longest-running zombie threads on there :)
    >> Anonymous 11/01/08(Sat)20:23 No.2922539
    >>2919181

    > >>2911960
    > >>1960
    > How? I fail to see how your 1960s logic applies to this excellent piece of writing.
    > 1960s

    Witty.


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