>>3323726

"But Mr. McClure, isn't combat just hitting things?"

"Not any more, Billy. Fourth Edition is designed to work more like a massive multiplayer online RPG or Mugamorp! This can be new and scary for certain players. Whereas old D&D let each player optimize for defense and offense and split up to focus on foes they could specifically overpower, Fourth Edition requires the group to work in a fluid pattern to ensure success. A physical fighter shouldn't be able to reliable hit an opponent of his level; instead, he needs clerics, warlords, and wizards to apply status effects to boost his own attack and lower the monster's defense. That's why they're called Leader and Controller classes -- tactics depend on their decisions in combat and without them, physical fighters have no options."

"But how does that work, Mr. McClure?"

"You see, Billy, the powers of clerics, for example, provide bonus to adjacent allies. Those bonus nudge their friends -- say, a couple of rogues -- into the attack range that can beat the monster's armor class. Combined with the rogue's own dependence on flanking opponents, providing further bonuses, they can reliable hit the monsters and uses their sneak attack abilities to deal out massive damage."

>>3323731

"But doesn't Sneak Attack require an enemy have discernible physiology?"

"Not anymore, Billy. Now you can even sneak attack undead. Only constructs and incorporeal creatures are immune. Sneak Attack relies on hitting the opponent in an optimal way -- the cinematics of it are entirely subjective."

"Uh... what?"

"It's like a video game, Billy!"

"Oh, boy! I can't wait to start! I've gotta find me a cleric!"

"Not so fast there, Billy. There's something else you ought to know."

"Oh, man, do I have to use action points...?"

"This ain't Exalted, Billy. No, no, you have to remember about the four defenses?"

>>3323735

"Four? But aren't they just wearing one suit of armor?"

"That's just their AC! Armor Class is the defense against wild blows and blunt trauma. The other three defenses are Fortitude, Reflex, and Will. Fortitude protects against attacks on vital internal systems, while Reflex guards against attacks that merely have to hit you and bypass armor. And Will protects against attacks of pure mystical might! Each of these four defenses set the number you have to beat on a roll to hit. Check the description of your class powers. They'll tell you which defense protects against that specific attack. Different monsters specialize in different defenses, so just because one kind of attack fails doesn't mean you're out of options! Large monsters will have good AC and Fort, but attacks targeting Ref are their weakness. And vice versa. Pay attention to the monsters you fight and judge what kind of attack will work best on them."

Win, continue.

>>3323735
>subjective
>video game

SO CLOSE!

7/10 FOR DELIVERY METHOD, 5/10 FOR THE SLIP UP.

>>3323750
Shh, don't interrupt Mr. McClure.

>>3323744

"But what If I'm in a non-standard party? Nobody likes to tank."

"That's right, Billy. Tanking's for (racial slur removed at the request of the McClure estate). But that's up to your friend, the GM. His mighty powers lets him justify the arbitrary numbers used to decide combat, so he can set up encounters that play up the strengths of your class choices. For example, wizards have large area of effect spells good to destroying large groups of minions! Without a wizard, minions only waste the players' time and concentration without adding anything to the game. Likewise, a game without minions leaves a wizard with less to do and bored. It's like sending a man to cook dinner!"

"So a GM who throws a bunch of minions at a wizard-less party might be a son of a bitch?"

"He probably is, Billy. Ha haa~! And a communist."

I'm curious, why can't you just play 3.5?

>A physical fighter shouldn't be able to reliable hit an opponent of his level; instead, he needs clerics, warlords, and wizards to apply status effects to boost his own attack and lower the monster's defense.

not how it works

Phil Hartman is...


DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!

>>3323764
see
>>3323758


also: http://4chanarchive.org/

but isn't 3.5 just like the pre-WoW MMOs?

>>3323770

Shit threads don't deserve to be archived.

>>3323779
butthurt much?

>>3323764
Because some people enjoy the new edition. Don't stir up shit, this is amusing.

>>3323773
WoW did not invent MMOs. Don't blame everything about MMOs on WoW.

>>3323773

YES, BUT *THAT'S* A CASE OF MMO'S COPYING D&D, NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND. THAT'D BE SILLY!

3.5E COPYING MMO'S, WHAT A RETARDED LITTLE BOY.

>>3323759

"Do you feel better about it now, Billy?"

"I sure do, Mr. McClure! But wouldn't it be easier if I just keep playing 3.5?"

"Don't be silly, Billy. Nobody likes a stick in the mud. Like Benjamin Franklin. Would you want to disappoint Benjamin Franklin?"

"Golly, no, sir!"

"That's the spirit, Billy!"

"Maybe we can get some girls to play, too!"

"That's called dreaming, Billy. It's Unamerican. Come on, scamp. I'll buy you your first case of syphilis."

THE END

>>3323767

killed by this man

Everybody stop interrupting Mr. McClure!

>>3323773

Dunno, 3.0 was like Diablo II. A goddamn videya gaem

>>3323793
I love troy maclure so much

>>3323726

I read this in his voice. Gosh I miss his voice and his character so much ;_;

lol awesome

>>3323783

"why can't i sneak attack undead/constructs even though the book says how to"

"why can't fighters hit without warlord powers even though they can!?!?!?"

"it's an mmo!"

It's fucking idiocy and not worthy of getting archived.

>>3323808
itt: butthurtfags

>>3323808
You and Mr Rage both needed to sit back and wait for the OP to finish. You'll note that, over all, it's pretty pro-4e, or, at worst, neutral. Don't let a few little phrases get your knickers in a twist.

>>3323811

It's good to see that, as always, /tg/ has amazing logic and arguments.

Never change.

When John Lovitz went to confront Andy Dick, Andy Dick said he put a curse on Phil Hartman

then he said he put the Phil Hartman curse on John Lovitz

the night ended with Andy Dick's bloody head slammed through a wall by a raging Lovitz, tears of vengeance streaming down his face

>>3323750

Are you kidding? 10/10 for delivery. Maybe 15/10. I want to read more trolls like this... if this even counts as trolling.

I'm disappointed, /tg/. I really am.

>>3323814

I APPROVED OF IT OVERALL. I CHUCKLED, BUT THE PHRASING NEEDED A TOUCH-UP.

>>3323770

>>3323808
>I'M ANGRY ABOUT A PARODY THAT ISN'T 100% SPOT ON RAAAAAAAGEEEEEEE

also, age -- just to piss you the fuck off

Y'know? Honestly, this feels like a pretty good primer for 4e.

>>3323844

TOUCH UP SOME OF THE RULES ERRORS, SURE.

>A physical fighter shouldn't be able to reliable hit an opponent of his level

Fail, fighters have the highest attack bonuses in the game, because they can afford an 18 in Strength from point-buy, and they get a +1 bonus on weapon attack rolls (except for battleragers).

>tactics depend on their decisions in combat and without them, physical fighters have no options.

I'll have you know that fighters are the most well-rounded class in all of 4e, in terms of options and array of builds. Seriously, fighters have the most options out of any other class, especially with Martial Power. You can have an invincible Battlerager fighter, an insanely damage-dealing Tempest fighter, a sliding-and-proning polearm fighter, or hell, even an attack penalty stacking Mindiron bow fighter.

>Only constructs and incorporeal creatures are immune.

Also fail, constructs and insubstantial creatures can be Sneak Attacked.

>Likewise, a game without minions leaves a wizard with less to do and bored.

Around the paragon, tier, however, minions become extremely easy to auto-kill for any class, and wizards start getting powers that make them shine more as single-target disablers than minion wipers.

>>3323844
It does especially once you realize 4E is wowfaggotry.

>>3323856
0/10

Also read this in his voice.

This was magnificent.

>>3323864
That wasn't a troll so no point in rating it. Just reality, bro.

>>3323844
That's why I'm saying archive it. It's a really good primer, the OP honestly put a lot of work into it, it's spot on for a Troy McClure thing, the delivery is awesome. There are a few poor word choices here and there, but oh well, I still give it a 9.9/10.

3.5 = Dungeons and Diablo II
4th = World of Dungeons and warcraft

>>3323876

oh, well, if it's not a troll, that's alright then.

>>3323818
Tell me this is true. In some way, shape or form, tell me this is true.

Don't archive this shit.

Troy should post on /tg/ more often.

I thought he was purposely getting parts wrong becuase it was Troy McClure

this was wonderfull

do ho ho

This is superb.

wonderful

>>323906
It would fit.

ARCHIVE THIS!!!

>>3323759
But I like tanking. It makes me feel like a big man when the enemies can't hit me, and the party would die without me.

Archive, FGJ!!

>>3323879
"Dungeons and Diablo"? FUND IT!

>>3323900
cracked .com has an article on it in their celebrity section, the 10 most something or other celebrity fistfights.

>>3323995
Tanking lends itself to a certain personality set. Or the type of person who is willing to take a role for the fun of everyone else, rather than his own. The 4th Edition game I'm running right now, the defender is our usual GM.

>>3324048
Yeah, it does take a certain personality set. I'm playing a Paladin with a Ranger(who sucks at Rangering) and a Warlock. Jesus, if I'd chosen any other class, they'd have died so hard so many times due to the fact that they don't understand "Stand behind me, I'll take the hits. You guys zap."

But I've always liked tanking. I was never that into kicking the shit out of baddies, I get the most pleasure, like I said, out of surviving onslaughts with little wear or tear.

My favorite memory of 3.5, for example, was playing a Fighter/Dwarven Defender who, at level 12, managed an AC of 42. Not the highest possible of course, but my DM's look of lamentation was well worth not doing any damage.

>>3324075
Okay, I'm not sure I even want to know how you pulled that off. But yeah, I know the feeling. The party is, currently, a paladin, with plate and heavy shield, a wizard, and a Rogue. It's kind of a pain on my part because, on one hand, I have to find monsters that actually CAN hit him. And, on the other, it needs to be something that isn't going to nearly auto-hit the other PCs whenever they even look at them funny.

>>3323900
http://www.cracked.com/article_15760_p2.html

>>3324147
>>Okay, I'm not sure I even want to know how you pulled that off.

Shit, I'd have to dig through a LOT of my sourcebooks, but I didn't even go the optimizing route, just straight Fighter & DD.

And yeah, my first group sounds like yours. I had to learn to keep my fellow PCs from getting knifed in the guts by screwing around. It was all in fun for us, but was also great practice for me, because they REALLY liked to screw around with NPCs.

Actually, my 42 AC Dwarf was the last game I played with them. I guess not getting killed was no fun for them. Who knew? Looking back, they always played Chaotic characters to my Lawful, so I shouldn't have been surprised.

>>3323960
Thanks for your request.
It has been added to our database and the thread will be archived as soon as enough request for that thread have been made.
This thread has been requested 5 times now.

Congrats, your request has just triggered the archival process for thread 3323726

>>3324264
http://4chan.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/3323726/

I was enjoying this greatly till IT IS A VIDEO GAME.

It makes me sad. This had so much potential for win too. I was going to save this for future generations.

>>3324380
I'm going with it being only partially accurate because Troy McClure was never spot on accurate, ever.