moé

Fuck this, a good dorf never rests!

The mausoleum of your ancestors is smaller than you remember.

>gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ

>Fuck this, a good dorf never rests!

...

FUCK YEAR DORF ADVENTURE II: THE DORFENING

LOOT EVERYTHING

>>3343344

Kick that fucking door down.

Find bitches.

Tordek is in for ALL the bitches.

how'd we get the ax back?

READ THE NOTE

>>3343357

Kick the door down, THEN see if there are bitches. If there aren't bitches, then go adventuring.

CUT THE COFFIN UP

MAKE A SHIELD

Use the coffin to make a fort in the corner, so you have a place to slip away to when you're feelin' imaginative.

READ THE DICKSHITTING NOTE.

Combine AXE and COFFIN to make +4 Graveaxe.

How did you fit through that tiny hole in that coffin!?

>>3343353
>>3343381
>Loot Everything
>Make Shield

Using your Dorfy powers, you loot the coffin, and find your previous possession! While you're at it, you make a shield.

YOU OBTAIN:
13 gold coins.
Shitty wooden shield.

Redesign the shield to be a circle

>>3343419

>13 gold coins.

Dorfs are superstitious. Thirteen is unlucky. Get rid of a coin.

craft a wooden codpiece to impress the hotties

>>3343427
You chop into the shield, making it round and more Dorfy.

...hmm. You always did do poorly in Craftsdorfs class.

Hack through the middle of the door and peek through.

KICK DOWN THE DOOR.

STONE GETTING IN THE WAY OF A DWARF?

ITS AN ABOMINATION AGAINST ALL DORFINESS.

Before you leave, carve your name into the wall, just in case someone gets worried.

OUR NAME IS HUGEBEARD MOUNTAINTHRUST. HUGEBEARD KICKS DOWN THAT DOOR BECAUSE KNOBS ARE FOR ELVES.

FFFF Forgot my pic.

>>3343448

You leave a tip for the nice coroner.

>>3343466

THAT DOOR WILL NOT STAND WHILE YOU'RE AROUND.

The pansy-ass door falls like a rock.

>>3343519
TAKE THE STONE DOOR AND CARVE A STONE SHIELD.

A DWARF USING WOOD?

ELVES USE WOOD.

FUCK THAT WE NEED STONE.

>>3343524

Elves do not use wood! The pansies don't want to harm the trees!

Real dorfs use TWENTY trees to make one shield!

>>3343547
FUCK YOU DUMBSHIT
PICK UP THE DOOR AND USE IT AS A SHIELD.
FUCK IT, BREAK THE HEAD OFF THE AXE, ATTACH THE HANDLE TO THE DOOR, AND USE IT AS A CLUB.

>>3343524
Carve? You don't have the tools for that! You take the door.

You are now in the MOUNTAINHOMES. Your tiny family mausoleum is behind you. You recall why you went adventuring now - for money, to buy yourself a better lot in life.

But hey, you have 12 coins and you're alive, baby! Time to hit the town!

>>3343561
BREAK THE AXE?

YOU LOST YOUR RIGHT TO BE A DWARF ON THIS DAY!

>>3343573
We don't hit the town. We go deeper into the mountains to ruin the shit of everyone else.

Go to the mountain homes and pretend to be a zombie and scare everyone... THAT'LL SHOW EM!

PROTIP: We are already dead.

>>3343573

See if there's anyone around.

SNOWBOARD DOWN THE MOUNTAIN ON YOUR DOOR SHIELD

>>3343599
Sadly, you lack mining equipment.

>>3343618
You're seriously planning to try to scare DORFS? Seriously?

>>3343656

If dorfs are scared of carp they are scared of zombies by default!

>>3343656
Go to Washington D.C. and take back the White House.


REEAAAAAAAAAARRRGGHHHH!

>>3343671
CARP ARE SRS BZNS. ZOMBIES ARE NOTHING.

>>3343672
DEAN

DEAN

DEAN

>>3343676

WHAT ABOUT ZOMBIE CARP!?

THE GREATEST EVIL OF THEM ALL!

>>3343643
NOW THAT'S A FUCKING PLAN.

You head outside, atop the tall mountain, ready to risk your unlife on the wicked slopes of fate.

...Fuckdamn shitcunts, its Spring.

>>3343684
THEN FUCKING ROCKBOARD DOWN THE MOUNTAIN ON YOUR DOOR SHIELD.

I DON'T GIVE A SHIT.

>>3343684

DO IT ANYWAY!

>>3343684

BITE down a TREE, wait for ELVES in ambush.

>>3343691
>>3343695
>DO IT ANYWAY

One moment, CUTSCENE'ING. [Fuck yeah Cutscene Technology]

>>3343701
make sure you press three sholder buttons and square. we want to land an uber

Look out across the landscape! Must be a nice view from up there.

>>3343684
Sun has a beard

THE FUCKING SUN A BEARD

Bumping so others jopin in

>>3343735

THIS AIN'T NO PUSSY SHAVEN ELF SUN BOY

THESE ARE THE MOUNTAINHOMES

EVEN THE MOUSTACHES HAVE BEARDS HERE BOY

This can take a few seconds...
Checking if the thread exists: >>3343335
The thread has been found, continue processing.

Thanks for your request.
It has been added to our database and the thread will be archived as soon as enough request for that thread have been made.
This thread has been requested 1 times now.

>>3343771
So awesome!

If only there was a way to archive threads that WASN'T 4chanarchive

But I know of no such way. At all. Because I know for absolute certain that there is none and never will be. Ever ever ever ever. I assure you, I'm not lying.

>>3343779

>>3343779
if you were really desperate, you could copy all of the comments into word, save all the pics and reconstruct it manually... however 4chanarchive takes far less effort on your part

>>3343794
Doesn't File>Save Page As... work just as fine?

>>3343799
still takes manual work... blah

Come awn

>>3343701
this cutscene better kick ass.

>>3343718
What kind of crappy dorf would forget to do that?

ANIMOOTED, BITCHES.

>>3343820
>>3343799
>>3343794
suptg. Learn it. Live it. Love it.

>>3343820
Jesus Christ, how lazy are you? It's like, 3 clicks.

... Wasn't there a thread about how some fa/tg/uy set up a pully system so he wouldn't have to get up to open his room/front door?

>>3343872
MAD TRICKS, MY DORF

>>3343881
I didn't make a thread about it, but I have that for my lightswitch so I can turn it on without getting up...

>>3343891
I just fudged with the wiring so there's a second light switch beside my computer.

Best. Undeath. Ever.

You're now in a forest.

>>3343915
Nice. I hate messing with wiring, it always fucks up my walls...

>>3343919
CUT DOWN EVERY TREE NEAR BY

FUCK THOSE ELVES

>>3343919

Chop down the nearest tree, it needs to be done.

Trees, chopping, blah-blah-blah.

>>3343919
Quick! Gear back up.

READ THE NOTE
>>3343943
>>3343935
>>3343933

Chop down the tree and make a canoe.

>>3343919
>>3343933
use tree branches to make your clothes seem full (a corpse), wait for the elves and attack them naked.

>>3343891
God damn it, /tg/...

And to a lesser extent this goes to >>3343915 as well.

Make a bow and arrow as a sign of your heresy.

>>3343945

I don't know where this Note is, or how to read it.

Enlighten us.

FUCK NATURE.
CUT TREES.
IF EVLES COME KILL THEM TO.

>>3343950
Only prissy elves ambush their foes. Yell like a madman and chop down trees until those faggots show up.

Cut down a tree or two. See if any elves come.

If they don't find the elves that live in the trees. They're elves, so of course they're SOMEWHERE.

>>Everyone

>CUT TREES

ANCIENT DORFEN FIGHTING TECHNIQUE: DEFORESTATION!

>>3344045
Those trees never stood a chance.

Defile the trees now.

FUCK YEAH

>>3344057
damn straight they didn't

>>3344015
Indeed.
FUCK THIS FORESET'S SHIT STRAIGHT UP DORF.

>>3344057
Use trees to cobble together a sign covered in insults directed at elves.

Burn anything left over, and pee on the bushes while we're at it.

>>3344098
DO IT FAGGOT

>>3344098
>make a sign to insult the elves

Its a little big, but it gets the job done.

>>3344144
Forgot to add: You don't have any way to start a fire, and as much as you try, it seems zombies can't pee.

You swear some, but settle for this magnificent sign.

>>3344158
Reason that if zombies cannot pee then there is a chance that zombies cannot drink.

Find alcohol to test hypothesis immediately.

>>3344158
Bugger.
Any elves yet?

>>3344144
Nothing left to do but yell really loudly in an attempt to attract elves to your location.

For murder.

lets get our door shield back. those faggots and their arrows wont stand a chance.

hed to town

>>3344178
ELVES LOWER PRIORITY
DRINKING HIGH PRIORITY

>>3344196
FUCK.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
FIND DISTILLERY.
DRINK UNTIL RAGNAROK.

>>3344176
>>3344196
>>3344208

You head back home, to go get some fine brew in your belly.

Unfortunately, on your way out, a pair of elves stop you. "Did you do this, heathen dwarf?" they ask, gratingly mispronouncing the name of your great race. Fucking elves. Always showing up as soon as you're done looking for them.

FIND A RABBIT IN THE WOODS. NAME IT RUBY

PUNCH IT'S FUCKING FACE

>>3344247
KILL ONE WITH YOUR SHIELD.
BEAT THE SECOND TO DEATH WITH THE FIRST.

>>3344247
Tell them it was probably one of those faggot Drow.

All elves are faggots, so its understandable that they'd do something like this.

And by this, you mean the fact that THERE ISN'T A GODDAMN BEER IN YOUR HANDS.

>>3344247
"Why of course not, say.. is that a lumberjack?" while there backs are turned kick the sword one's spine and Ax him a question. The other's shitty bow wont do shit to your stone tower shield

>>3344247

Point to the one on the left and shout "HE DID IT"!

>>3344247
RAGE AND DESTROY

As we are a zombie dorf, can we turn the elves into zombies by biting them? Or do our zombies not work that way?

>>3344247
Say we don't speak Elven in fluent Elven just to fuck with them.

If we actually do not speak Elven, say it in faux-Elven.

Cast magic missile.

>>3344250
>>3344258
>>3344259
>>3344268
>>3344272
>>3344274
So, blame it on a drow lumberjack, distract them by claiming to see him, then kill the faggots.

>>3344308
Sounds like a plan.

Put on a Christmas hat and claim that you are actually a gnome.

>>3344308
this

>>3344316
FUND IT

USE AXE ON FAGS

>>3344308
Too late, started drawing first.

>>3344272
Panel 1.

>>3344258
Panel 2 and 3.

The second elf is stunned.

>>3344395
I'm liking this more and more.

>>3344395
ASK THE ONE ON THE RIGHT "WHO CUT THE TREES DOWN NOW?!"

>>3344395
This is the best day of my life.

>>3344395
AX THAT FAGGOT A NEW ASS HOLE

>>3344395
MAKE LIKE A TREE AND GET CUT IN HALF

>>3344395
HOLY FUCK, giant stone door... just... cut? through his head

wat.

>>3344453
DORFISH WIN.

>>3344395

Tell him that you have dispatched the villain, he will not be harming trees any more.

Now that you have earned his trust tell him to look behind him because there is a another tree killer.

Then axe him.

This.

This is now /tg/'s official threadquest.

>>3344467

Seconded.

>>3344430

>>3344513
FUCK YES
YOU ARE THE BEST NAME/DRAWFAG EVER

>>3344513
fucking amazing!

kill/loot go to town and get drunk

>>3344513

Just keep doing that, for the rest of eternity.

Nothing else ever needs to be done.

Or until he dies.

THIS IS WHY WE TOOK A LEVEL IN ROGUE. BLUFF THE ELF, GET HIM TO TURN AROUND, THEN STAB HIM WITH HIS COMRADE'S EARS.

>>3344532

And while we're drunk, spark a war between the elves and the dwarves and launch a genocidal campaign against them.

>>3344570
not before tavern wench

Chop the little bastards up and position their body parts creatively next to the logs on the floor.

Loot elves.

Go into town.

Sell elf loot.

Go to tavern.

Haggle with Barkeep.

Demand three times the amount of ale offered.

DorfQuest > RubyQuest

>>3344601

Dorfs make everything better.

>>3344533
>Or until he dies.

Sounds like a plan. You arrange the corpses homo-erotically. You remember reading somewhere that that's how elves did mass burials, and you gotta respect the dead.

You may be a cruddy craftsdorf, but you think you did a good job with the burial.

>>3344532
>Loot and get drunk.

You don't want any shitty elven gear. They do have some cash though. You now have 19 gold. They sure were POOR motherfuckers.

>>3344617
tavern, drink, wench, victory

hold wench hostage for more drink.

Return to the cave we first started in before the dorf died, lets have another go at this lootin business, WITH A STONE TOWER SHIELD WE CANNOT FAIL!

>>3344636
only after the sex....NO DURRING

He shouldn't have to spend his hard-won treasure on some human-brew or human-wenches. find nearest Dwarf Tavern. Engage in properly-scaled alcoholism.

>>3344665
Yeah, dwarven steins are like, twice as big

>>3344672
Also, lower ceilings for when you finally get drunk enough to fall off the face of the very earth. Shorter fall up.

we do have that rank in rouge

Bluff for lower prices

>>3344691
Fuck that.

Intimidate is a Dwarf's bluff skill.

>>3344625
Zombies don't get erections. We must sing manly dorfish dirge, preferably on a pile of the corpses of our enemies. First, we need more enemies. Two elves do not make a pile.

UNTIL WE HAVE SOLVED THE RIDDLE OF ZOMBIE INEBRIATION NO MORE MINCING AROUND WITH ELVES

WE NEED TO FIGURE OUT IF WE CAN GET DRUNK

>>3344665
>engage in properly scaled alcoholism.

You head back up to the mountainhome, and spend 2 gold on the largest mug of the strongest spirits they've got.

Oh you're so excited.

>>3344703
FIND SOMETHING ELSE TO KILL

>>3344734
Ah, it goes down smooth. You chug it all in one go.

>>3344728
It's fairly apparent to me that the Dorven god of ass-kicking brought him back to life, so he's not an undead. Beer him up! Or Ale! Mead! Whiskey! Gin! Rum! Scotch!

>>3344741
FUCK YEAH BEER

>>3344734

NONONO! DRINK STOUT!

Throw those spirits into the face of the guy standing next to you!

>>3344741
Drink until you acheive a drunken state.

>>3344741
...A little too smooth. It went right through you.

This 'zombie' problem needs fixing.

It needs fixing NOW.

The fact that the beer is the same color as dark urine only adds to your woes.

Next: Find a wench with the biggest beard in the house and woo her with belching.

In order to cure your zombieism, you must drink moar ale.

>>3344755
Go find a priest and ask him to raise you from the dead.
If he tries to turn or rebuke you, hack his beard off.

>>3344755
Mourn the loss of your beer.

Then go to the nearest temple thingy and see what they can do for you.

>>3344755
RECTIFY THIS IMMEDIATELY

IIIIIIIMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLL
YYYYYYYYYYYY

Hmm.. better clean that up. Use your beard.

>>3344755
Demand to know who pissed on your stool. make a huge deal about it and fuck up the first person to say anything

We must find a Dorf cleric (If they exist) and find out how much a proper resurrection will cost us!

Dorf clerics are all well and good, but the real problem is a couple of leaks.

Find the holes and patch them with something before you see the cleric.

>>3344799
LEAKS ARE NOT WORTH FIXING IF YOUR UNDEAD DORF STOMACH DOES NOT ABSORB BOOZE

YOUR UNDEAD HEART CANNOT THEN DELIVER DELICIOUS ALCOHOL TO YOUR DORF BRAIN

THIS IS DISASTROUS WE MUST FIND A DORF CLERIC AND DEMAND A RESURRECTION

>>3344780
You DEMAND to know WHO THE HELL PEE'D ON YOUR XOM DAMNED CHAIR?

The barkeep tells you in no uncertain terms that you did.

Judging by his beard, you probably shouldn't mess with him.

That is truly a magnificent beard.

>>3344839
Say his beard is wise and move on to our more important problems, leaking beer and not being drunk.

>>3344839
DORF CLERIC
NOW
EVERY MOMENT WE ARE HERE IS A MOMENT WE ARE SOBER

>>3344755

Temporary solution: make a suit of of skinned Kobolds to keep the drink in. Then, go sneak the shit out of a Dark Fortress to see if the local demon will help any.

>>The barkeep tells you in no uncertain terms that you did.

Judging by his beard, you probably shouldn't mess with him.

Throw your doorshield through his face.

Steal his beard to patch your leaks.

curses! it had to be the bar tender! cleric to patch things up

ARE WE DRUNK YET? NO?

THEN STOP WASTING FUCKING TIME CLERIC RESURRECTION NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW

>>3344882
INGENIOUS DOOR SHIELD MAY BE VALUABLE

PERHAPS CAN BE TRADED FOR RESURRECTION

RESURRECTION REQUIRED FOR DRUNKENNESS, SO IS DORF BARTENDER

IF WE KILL THE BARTENDER THEN WE CAN STEAL ALCOHOL BUT WHAT ABOUT WHEN THAT RUNS OUT DID YOU THINK THAT FAR AHEAD

>>3344773
>>3344775
>>3344788
>>3344861
>>3344883
>>3344884

Deciding not to mess with Musclebeard the Barkeep, you head off to the local Temple.

The Dorfen Cleric tells you that he will raise you for 5000 gold. Alternatively, he needs you to bring him the heart of a Hydra.

Threaten him with your door.

>>3344900

CHALLENGE HIM TO A GAME OF STRIP UNO

YOU KNOW HE LOVES THE GAME HE HAS A FRAMED UNO BOX BEHIND HIM

>>3344900

Looks like we got us a QUEST here!

Ask him where to find Hydras.

>>3344900
ASSESS VALUE OF DOORSHIELD

SPOUT OLD PROSPECTOR-ESQUE GIBBERISH AT CLERIC

IF THIS DOESN'T GET US ANYWHERE THEN SET OFF TO FIND A HYDRA

>>3344900

>crude Windows logo, in a window frame

Dohohohoho.

>>3344911

That's... a window.

>>3344900
ask him where to find two hydras

Tell him that if he doesn't fix you up so you can get drunk, you will CUT HIS BEARD OFF!

Also tell him that you are a champion and do not need to pay.

>>3344900
inquire about hydra, it's location, what it would take to kill such a beast (door), etc...

>>3344932
THREATENING THE BEARD OF ANOTHER IS UNDORFLIKE

WHAT ARE WE, A FUCKING ELF?

>>3344940

OUR STATE OF MIND IS AT STAKE HERE! DRASTIC ACTION MUST BE TAKEN UNTIL WE ARE DRUNK AGAIN!

>>3344900
Get him good and drunk with all the money you have, then ask him.

>>3344900
TAKE HIS GLASSES WHILE HE IS NOT LOOKING!

>>3344951
OUR MONEY CAN ONLY PURCHASE PERHAPS A GALLON OR TWO OF HARD LIQUOR

THIS IS INSUFFICIENT

>>3344900
Hydra hunting sounds dorfy enough. Lets get equipped and kick some scaled ass.

>>3344911

He says he is tempted, but has to decline. A Resurrection spell is more than he's willing to bet. He says he'll do it for Cure Moderate Wounds though.

>>3344919
>>3344924
>>3344934

Hydras can be found in the swamps to the far south. He draws you a map [it is a good map, I just drew only about half of it].

>>3344926
>>3344927

Actually, it was supposed to be Uno, but I added the frame because of the similarities. </end development notes>

>>3344969
GRAB MAP IN TEETH AND SPRINT TOWARDS HYDRA SWAMPS UNTIL WE GET THERE

>>3344966

If we're going hydra hunting, we're going to need:

-Torches (to cauterize the necks and stop regenerating)
-A Sidekick Or Two (to use the torches)

>>3344969
Accept the challenge of Strip Uno for a scroll of Cure Mod. Wounds.
We might run into other zeds in the swamp.

>>3344976
better idea, put it in one of the holes, don't want it getting smeared with undead saliva.

>>3344979
NONSENSE

HE SAID HYDRA HEART NOT HYDRA HEAD

>>3344990

You have to cut off all the heads to kill a Hydra.

>>3345006

You don't have to kill the hydra to take its heart.

>>3345006
Fuck that, we'll just mine our way through its chest.

>>3344976
>>3344982

One rousing game of Strip Uno later, you leave, Map and Scroll of Cure Moderate Wounds in hand. You hope you remember which is which.

>>3345015
FIND PICKAXE
Proceed to Hydra swamp.

>>3345017
PLANNING AHEAD:

GET SWALLOWED WHOLE BY HYDRA

IT WILL BE MUCH EASIER TO MINE FOR ITS HEART THAT WAY

>>3345017


Is that an eight pronged star?! KILL THE HERETIC HE CANNOT BE TRUSTED!

we got some cash, go to the shops see if we can get new gear

INTIMIDATE INTIMIDATE INTIMIDATE INTIMIDATE

>>3345066
Current gear:

Axe
Doorshield
Beard
Helm
Scroll of healing
Map

what the fuck else do we need?

>>3345076
Beer.

WHY GOD?! WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN US?

shit it's at auto sage! new thread or break!

Continued here: 3345091

>>3345095
linkFAIL

>>3345091

Fix'n link fail

>>3345099
I suck at the technical details today.

New Thread: >>3345091

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/3345091/

For you in the archives, here's part 3.