That's one Dorfy sun.

GO DIRECTLY TO HYDRA SWAMP

also oh god dorf sun

set forth grimly

Wave to the sun then go find that hydra.

Summon all your dorfyness and jump to the Hydras location on ONE GREAT LEAP.

tie torches with rope. Fire jugle for the 5k gold THEN we kill the hydra

With the rays of Dorf Sun caressing your skin like a freshly brewed beer bath, you set forth with renewed vigor.

On to the Hydra swamp, let them know why they once feared the beard.

WHY ARE WE NOT HEADED FOR THE HYDRA SWAMP

DRAW FASTER ALREADY

>>3345118

That's stupid. You walk.

It is sunset when you arrive. Sunbeard's light shines on you no more.

The ground ahead is treacherous and damp. The trees, however, and scraggly and tall. You laugh at how they remind you of elves.

Fight the sun.

>>3345171
Practice your ANCIENT DORFEN FIGHTING TECHNIQUE: DEFORESTATION on the trees.

You're going to need it for the Hydra.

>>3345171
BLUDGEON THE ELVES

The swamp was... south, right?

SOUTHWARD HOOOO!

set fire to trees with torch. Hopefully this will catch the eye of the hydra.

Life is like a Earthquake...
Here, in, Dorfs-berg
Pickaxes, axes, and beards - it's a dorf blur
You might drink an Elf's tree,
or even fifty!

DORF TALES! Oo-oo
Tales of dorfs drinking bad and good mug ales, oo-oo

>>3345181
This sounds like a good idea. You head in to practice, and you- Oh! Pretty lights!

>>3345171

If it's sunset, you'll need to make camp.

Cut down a tree for firewood, and set your doorshield into the ground so you can't get attacked from behind.

>>3345203

FUCK WHY AM I SO SLOW

>>3345200
Am I likely to be eaten by a grue?

EXAMINE LIGHTS

light a torch, those "lights" might be eyes.

>>3345203
You're kidding me. He's a DORF and a ZOMBIE.

There will be no camping.

F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 F5

>>3345200
THIS IS CLEARLY AN ELF TRICK

YELL LOUDLY AND ANGRILY AT PRETTY LIGHTS

>>3345226

We do not yet know the extent of his zombiery.

At the minimum, do the dorfenly (and zombie-ly) thing;

Dig a shallow grave-like pit and put your door on top of it.

You chase them for a while, but they always stay juuuust beyond your reach.

>>3345247
NO
STOP EXAMINING LIGHTS
THEY ARE DANCING
ERGO THEY ARE LIKE ELVES
HATED DESPICABLE ELVES
CUT DOWN THE TREES TO SPITE THEM

Wait!

night? zombie? lights?

DO THE THRILLER DANCE

Throw Shield at red light.

Teach those bastards not to run from a DORF.

>>3345247
use AXE on TREES

...Why didn't we upgrade our shield in town?

Keep an eye out for a more dorfy shield.

>>3345269

THERE IS NO MORE DORFY A SHIELD THAN A STONE DOOR

>>3345247
If you drop all your equipment and strip naked you should be able to run fast enough to catch them.

>>3345269
More dwarfy than a STONE DOOR?

You've lost all dwarf rights.

>>3345269
YOU THINK YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN DOORSHIELD?

GET THE FUCK OUT

>>3345273
Oh my mistake, I though it was a gay wood one.

Carry on.

>>3345267
Neddie! How dare you hit Moriarty in his axe with the full force of your trunk!

>>3345281
Adamantium shield, with adamantium bands, adamantium spikes, and diamond inlaid images of beer and wenches

>>3345287
THAT SOUNDS LIKE NOBLE TALK

ARE YOU A LAZY NOBLE, YOU PIECE OF SHIT?

Hold up, guys. This is a zombie in a swamp.

He's in his element. Zombies get a movement bonus in swamps and are immune to the diseases and mental trickery of swamp gas.

>>3345287
MENECING WITH SPIKES OF SPIKES

>>3345230
The dancing, the prancing, the playing hard to get, the charging-twice-as-much-as-other-whores... These lights are clearly the work of elves.

You find a nice mound to stand on top of... and cuss the FUCK out of those damn lights.

burrow into mound with pickaxe
put shield over hole
nap until light outside

Hmm, they seem to have fled the moment you began to yell.

Serves 'em right, the bastards.

>>3345329
turn around QUICKLY! shield first.

>>3345329
Greet the zombie brethren.

>>3345329
oh fuck hydra

REFLEX SAVE

>>3345329
RELISH OUR CONQUEST OF THOSE MINCING ELF-TORCHES

THEN SURVEY THE LAND IN ALL DIRECTIONS

rolled 3 = 3

>>3345341

>>3345350
SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT

>>3345350
THIS MAY WORK IN OUR FAVOR IF HE SWALLOWS US WHOLE

COMMENCE OPERATION HYDRA MINE

>>3345350
You forgot to add the zombie speed bonus from >>3345292 and that's a clear +5.

Re-roll and add it properly this time.

>>3345292
TURN AROUND!

IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO WHIP OUT YOUR ANCIENT DORFEN FIGHTING TECHNIQUE: DEFORESTATION ON THE HEADS!

YOUR ANCESTORS DEMAND IT.

>>3345376
I'm sorry, if these were ents, that would work.

...or even elves in REALLY convincing wooden armor.

>>3345365

I rolled a flat 1d20. After a +6 total Reflex save...

...you lose your arm. And your ax.

>>3345382
fuck the axe it would just make them grow new heads

time for some shield bashing

>>3345382
WEDGE THAT FUCKERS MOUTH OPEN WITH SHIELD. CRAWL IN WITH PICK AXE.

RIP N' TEAR RIP N' TEAR

>>3345382
Zombies feel no pain. Utilize your telekinetic powers to fetch your axe and begin telekinetically fighting.

Slash open the belly with your blunt door shield.

>>3345382
OPERATION HYDRA MINE IS A NO-GO

COMMENCE OPERATION CLUB THAT FUCKER TO DEATH WITH OUR SHIELD

>>3345382
STRANGLE ALL THREE HEADS AT ONCE WITH YOUR ROPE

>>3345382
THAT'S THE ARM WE HOLD BEER WITH.

FUCK THAT, WE ARE GETTING ANGRY NOW.

LASSO HYDRA

>>3345382
>>USE other ARM and PICK on HEAD with your ARM in it's mouth

>>3345385
>>3345390

You shield bash the FUCK outta' him.

With an ear splitting crack, you slam the offending hydra head in the jaw. You see a couple teeth fly out, as well as your arm. Your shield also cracks. Fuck.

>>3345435

Oh fuck. Our arm AND our shield? This bastard needs to die now!

keep spinning, nail the other heads and run for the arm/axe while they are all stunned.

>>3345435
CONTINUE BASHING WITH DOORSHIELD UNTIL EITHER IT OR THE HYDRA'S HEAD IS BROKEN

>>3345435
Smash the shield over the next ones head, if it breaks continue savage beatings with the half of door.

>>3345447
LIGHT A TORCH! With all the swamp gas in the air, the Hydra should go up like a fuel air bomb!

OR WE COULD JUMP INTO IT'S MOUTH AND COMMENCE OPERATION HYDRA MINE

THE FUCKING DOORSHIELD BROKE, BULLSHIT! ANY WAY, FLY INTO A DORFIN RAGE AND RUIN THIS MOTHERFUCKER WITH OUR CRACKED SHIELD

>>3345435
DERIDE the HYDRA for lacking A DWARFLY BEARD

>>3345476
Its beardlessness is punishment enough.

>>3345435
The other two heads show they have separate intelligence. This means it is 3v1. Dwarven martial trances are in effect.

>>3345464
BEAT INTO UNCONSCIOUSNESS, RETRIEVE AXE, CLIMB INTO MOUTH TO BEGIN HACKING AWAY AT ITS INSIDES

>>3345464
WE BEAT THE SHIT OUT IF IT FIRST, THEN WE JUMP DOWN ITS THROAT AND RIP OUT ITS HEART

>>3345453
>>3345455
>>3345474

The first head falls to the water with a splash! You would congratulate yourself, but the other two give you no time.

Rushing in, you spin quickly and smash another head aside.

>>3345479
Spoken like a true Dorf. All anons, look to this anon for guidance on all things Dorfy.

Headbutt the head in front of us, prepare to thwack other head we knocked aside again if it comes at us.

>>3345495
FFFF forgot to mention: The shield is now cracked in half.

>>3345495
EASIER TO SWING NOW

CONTINUE SMASHING HYDRA HEADS

Pic is related as to my suggestion on next course of actions

Remember, we don't want to BEHEAD the Hydra, just beat it to death so that more heads WON'T grow.

>>3345495
We are undead, right?

Why can't we get our arm and just JAM IT BACK ON?

The shield is but a tool, the dorf is the weapon.

Use the rope as crude reins, and ride the intact motherfucking head.

Use beard attack on right head and block left head with broken doorshield.

>>3345535
SUGGESTION: DO THAT, BUT WITH THE DOORSHIELD INSTEAD.
Yes ladies, my arm /is/ a door. Might I say you all have /very fine/ dorfy beards.

Sorry to disappoint, all, but Hydras are pretty badass too. And Challenge Rating 6.

Its teeth dig into your chest. Unfortunately, it got your beard, too. The shield falls from your hands.

Game over, beard is defeated

>>3345546
FFFFFFFFFFFFFF
Let him finish off the beard. Straight to the stomach, a dorf's beard will finish off a pussy cr6 hydra-elf-fag.

>>3345546

FFFFFFFFF
GO FOR THE EYES!

>>3345557
voting for this

USE HEALING SCROLL! NOOWWWW!!

Dive in, Beard First!

CHOKE ON THAT BITCH!


Hydras cannot possibly deal with a dwarf beard hairball.

>>3345563
But what happens with heal on undead? THINK MOAR

>>3345546
NO ONE FUCKS WITH THE BEARD

TEAR OUT HIS EYE. AS IT YELLS IN PAIN, CRAWL IN AND PICK OUT THAT FUCKERS HEART

FFFFFFFFFFFFUUCK!

Our beard is lost to us, but maybe the resurrection will restore it. Ignite the lost beard so it burns the hydra to death from the inside out.

>>3345546

Foolish Hydra! Consuming the beard of a Dwarf will slowly turn you into one - it's like lycanthropy, only shorter and hairer! We may lose our body, but we will be reborn - with more heads!

>>3345546
Dwarves feel no pain. Zombies feel no pain. That means you have DOUBLE PAIN IMMUNITY and are in fact boosted by pain.

Use your damage boost to REND YOUR FIST THROUGH ONE OF HIS EYES AND OUT THE OTHER.

>>3345557
>>3345569

[[cutscene cutscene cutscene]]

It lifts you in the air, and flails you around a bit.

>>3345585
HIT "A" REPEATEDLY! THIS IS ONE OF THEM FAKE CUTSCENES!

>>3345585
Does that mean we managed to rip out an eye or two?

>>3345585
You stab it in the eye with your pick, which no one noticed you draw due to your Thief level. It lets you go as it wails in pain.

[[cutscene cutscene cutscene]]

up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, A, B, Start

3345569 says rip out heart...we'll see what happens when the cutscene plays

>>3345585
STRANGLE ITS NECK WITH YOUR HAND

NOT DOING DOWN WITHOUT A FIGHT

BEAT THE FUCK OUT OF HIM FROM THE INSIDE IF YOU MUST

USE YOUR DORFY RAGE

>>3345608

You flip over on top of the monster, twisting your pick as leverage. As you land, you heel-drop the remaining eye.

You are now atop a one headed, blind hydra. /end cutscene.

>>3345608
Use PICK to MINE a 5ft long tunnel into this head

>>3345642
Strangle with Rope.

RIDE HYDRA back to PRIEST! RIP out HEART on arrival.

>>3345642

Headbutt it with your horned helmet!

Leap to the other hydra head with the pic axe.

you ever see reign of fire?

Yeah

>>3345642
Use your zombie speed boost to run across thin air to another hydra's head and do the same.

>>3345647
This

>>3345642
Hi-ho Silver, Make this head attack the other head while shouting "Get off my land you cotten picken claim jumpers"

>>3345660

This
>>3345647

we still dont have any cash

>>3345679
WRONG! We have 17 gold!

>>3345655

Your only arm is holding you atop the beast. The other two heads are already down. You have no weapons left.

You headbutt it repeatedly. One of your heads is gonna break first, and the hydra forgot its helmet.

Animooted!

>>3345703
we need 5 thousand dude and we bought the pick, rope, and torches

>>3345703
No, you spent all your gold on a PICK AXE, 2 TORCHES, and ROPE.

Do you know how strong dorf skulls are? We can not lose.

>>3345709
I still say we should have lit the Hydra on fire...

>>3345705
That's one of the manliest things I have ever read.

>>3345705

Split open its headwith amighty dorfish headbutt, then climb inside and RIP AND TEAR everything your hands can reach.

>>3345705
cleaned up. I forgot a few lines.

>>3345707
we don't need 5k with our new hydra heart... transportation will prove a problem unless we recover though...

>>3345725
the hydra heart is part of the revival process, there's still a cost for the actuall service. So selling the heart is out...maybe we sell the body

>>3345725
Zombie? DORF? Recover?

Train of thought escapes me, my good sir.

>>3345733
it was 5k OR the hydra heart. pay attention dude :P

>>3345733
Hydra teeth, hide, skin, bones, and eyes. I imagine the mages in the town will adore you.

>>3345647
This gets my vote

>>3345742
ah just reread. thought it was both

The hydra has no beard.

Therefore it is worthless. get the heart and get going, silly beardless monster.

>>3345733
Chopping off extra bits o' hydra for cash? awesome

go one step further, pull a Monster Hunter. I smell Hydra Scale Armor in the future

Replace lost arm with Hydra bones + AXE TIED TO HYDRA BONE

>>3345722
Saved twice. Continue headbutting hydra until it goes to the ground. Then take off helmet and beat hydra to death.

voting for hydra hide armor and upgrading/decorating all equipment with hydra teeth and bone

also, upgrading helmet with hydra skull

You dizzily topple off of the defeated Hydra. A sizable dent marks the middle of its skull.

Damage report.

You are missing your LEFT ARM.
You have SEVERE DAMAGE to your TORSO.
You have MINOR DAMAGE to your BEARD.
You are MOMENTARILY DIZZY.

>>3345792
i dont like those fucking lights....

get arm, axe, heart, teeth, scales and GTFO

Take some hydra bones to get made into a shield and axe. Damn things bones are almost as tough as dwarf bones, breaking our Doorshield like that.

>>3345789
this, and dont forget the heart... and yell at that elf faggotry again.

heal scroll

>>3345792
Fuckin' lights.

>>3345792

Use the rope's fibers to staunch the wounds in your chest and arm. Mourn damage to beard.

>You have MINOR DAMAGE to your BEARD.

Oh Shi- Use cure wounds on BEARD

Oh god this is going to be just like The Old Man and the Sea, those damn elfinlights are going to consume our shark before we can get back to shore!

Dudes, we're a Zombie. Using a Potion of Healing would only damage us further.

We're in a swamp. Let's go find a fetid pool to drink out of and get poisoned - that should heal us.

>>3345812
>>3345801
These

dont worry about wounds, we're a zombie on the way to a priest! we'll get patched up latter

get loot and ge tout before those fucking lights do something

If we can move (we are a zombie, if we're still intact, we should be able to function more or less alright), we begin salvaging the hydra's corpse. First for the heart, then any other bits that could be useful, like scales for armor, teeth, a skull, etc.

>>3345792
Scroll of Cure Major Wounds on Beard.

>>3345821
Our beard is not undead though, it is a fine (or was, perhaps) specimen of DORF FUCKING BEARDAGE

>>3345824
Use a skull to hold other bits!

>>3345822
NO. BAD. We are undead. Curing our wounds will probably KILL us.

those lights, oh god, the lights

i'm so paranoid about them right now

FASHION HYDRA SKULL INTO AWESOME HELMET

FASION HYDRA SKULL 2 INTO AWESOME SHEILD

FASION HYDRA SKULL 3 INTO AWESOME ARMOR

>>3345830
Cure spells harm undead. Harm spells cure them. It's not about causing or healing wounds, it's about evil/good energy.

>>3345835
OH YEAH, FUCK THE SCALES

THIS

Recovering momentarily, you hack into the beast.

You retrieve:
HYDRA HEART.

Using the rope as a makeshift case, you can carry any two of the following:
HYDRA HIDE [armor]
HYDRA BONE [shield]
HYDRA TOOTH [sword]
HYDRA EYE [sell for magic component]

You should save at least one skull for AWESOME CODPIECE

we can't craft the armor though. we did bad in Craftsdorfs remember? bring it to a smith. pay him in the parts he doesnt need

>>3345848
Adding: SKULL [Helmet]

>>3345835
> FASHION HYDRA SKULL 1 INTO TOY BOAT
> FASHION HYDRA SKULL 2 INTO FLOODGATE
> FASHION HYDRA SKULL 3 INTO LEFT HIGH-BOOT
Fixed for realism.

>>3345848
Can we use a Skull to increase the load?
And if we immediately put on Hydra Armor, does it still take up a slot?

>>3345848
ARMOR

MAGICAL COMPONENT: WE NEED OUR ARM BACK ON BEFORE THE OTHERS ARE USEFUL.

>>3345848
hide and bone, swords are for elfs

also be sure to bring our arm

Retrieve Hide and Tooth. We are still in mourning over the loss of our previous shield and cannot bear to think of replacing it so soon. Good armor and a good weapon will be helpful though.

>>3345837
Uh, duh. That's what I was saying, faggot.

We, The Dorf, are fairly badly wounded. And undead. ERGO: Using the scroll of cure wounds IS A BAD IDEA.

We're level 2 for Dorf's sake.

>>3345848
Swords are not dorfy

i say eye

we can always buy a better shield weapon or armor but a magic component is rare

>>3345853
>>3345857
ARMOR AND HELMET, THEN

>>3345835
This will result in more hydra heads trying to eat us

take HEART now, reattach ARM with ROPE, retrieve AXE

We should take the hide and the eye. Fuck the shield, we only have one hand now anyway.

Couldn't we just wear the armor?
If no, only two:
Armor and Shield
If armor is worn and gives another slot, Eye

Hide/tooth. Armor and a sword for Dual wielding dwarf epicness.

>>3345848
>>3345853
ARMOR AND HELM! We can kill stuff for money later, and we can retrieve the Axe.
Besides, we can always find a new stone door later.

Couldn't we fashion the tooth into an axe instead? Or a combat pick, that'd be pretty Dorfy and have some utility to boot.

>>3345862
Lv 3,
2 Ftr 1 Thf

Take BONE and EYE. Use cure scroll on our damaged beard. A Dorf's beard continues to grow after death so while we may be a zombie, our beard is not.

eye, hide

swords are for faggy elves and we can just pick up our dorfy ax. also Door shield is way more epic then anything else. we can't replace it

Tooth -> Combat pick (more Dorfy than sword, should be doable), for dual wielding with axe when we get both arms back in working order.

Take hide for Armor, good armor is always important.

>>3345874
Ah, I misremembered. Still, Thief levels don't add that much in the way of HP.

NO! NO BONE

FUCK SWORDS, DORFS USE AXES

poor gnome, people are gonna call railroading no matter what he draws now.

>>3345876
i second this

That's pretty poor equipment. The first rule of adventuring is to never leave home without rope, caltrops and fire making gear.

Well, the tooth could have been any sort of bladed weapon. I was not thinking.

Anyway, HIDE and SKULL seem to be the choices.

The reason you simply can't put on the armor is because you can't MAKE the armor. You can take the materials to a smith to make them, however.

Those lights are getting awfully close...

Thank the will o'wisps for guiding us to our goal, then GTFO of the swamp, and back to the Mountainhome.

im glad we got hide. we didnt have any armor to begin with so this is an improvement. we already have a helm though...oh well

RUN THE FUCK AWAY FROM LIGHTS, FIND ARM AND AXE AND RUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUN

>>3345898
Lets gtfoutta here

We MUST retrieve our axe and arm!

Curse them out like a real dorf... or pick up your arm (still holding the axe) and swing it at them.

>>3345921
yes, get these then RUN!

auto sage soon

tell the lights to fuck off and head back

>>3345911
Hit the helm a whole fucking lot with a hammer until it spreads out a bit, make some holes on the edges, and add a strap, new shield.

Lets make like a tree and get the fuck out of here.

New thread: >>3345934

>>3345898
Give those faggy elf-torches the slip and trudge home.

DO NOT FORGET OUR ARM WE MIGHT NEED THAT.

>>3345935

MAKING LIKE A TREE IS FOR FAGGOT ELFS

For you in the archives, here's part 4:

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/3345934/