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  • File :1232488193.jpg-(38 KB, 322x480, Beeserker edit.jpg)
    38 KB Beeserker Lazy DM V !vONhvIg88o 01/20/09(Tue)16:49 No.3467090  
    Description: The beeserker is a nefarious fiend, rarely encountered. With its ripped, scar-covered naked chest, lack of helmet and a beard full of killer bees, this human makes for a deceptively easy foe. So deceptive, in fact, that it is only once he (for it is usually a he) is fought that one discovers just how dangerous he is. Attacks to the torso, seemingly exposed, doesn't seem to phase the beeserker in the slightest. For those who notice this, a decisive swing at the neck would seem the ideal way to win. However, attacks towards the neck angers the killer bees even more than they usually are and will cause their attacks to be twice as frantic, while bringing out almost the entire hive. ANY attack will anger the Killer Bees, but count head- and neck strikes as especially angering. Typically prefer axes and sometimes round shields, but they’ll use whatever weapon they come across. Very drunk.

    Background: Beeserkers come from friendly* northern tribes, far to the north, near coasts from where they can launch their raiding boats. Their everyday life consists of mostly farming and launching raiding parties to fatten their food stores for the long winters (they do trading on the way up. You wouldn't believe the food people give to get their own jewelry back). During the long winters, the tribes keep warm by help of their dug down housing and keeping most warm bodies in the same house - including animals. There are also other activities they do. Some of them are even family friendly, like weapons training, bathing naked in icy sea water, drinking copious amounts of alcohol and stupid dares. Stupid dares are where Beeserkers are made.
    >> Lazy DM V !vONhvIg88o 01/20/09(Tue)16:50 No.3467093
    >>3467090
    Legend has it that the first beeserker was a young 14-year-old boy who couldn't handle alcohol too well but refused to acknowledge it. So the adult males did what any responsible adult male would do in their situation: They got him dead drunk and dared him to stick the two halves of a nest of killer bees on his face. The boy, naturally, agreed, and managed to walk around without any injuries, the mead apparently strong enough that the mere breath of it kept the bees sedated. Three days later, the boy awoke momentarily from his stupor and quickly rectified it. He was last seen stumbling southwards, a man-sized keg of beer on top of each arm and an axe tied to his back.

    Newer Beeserkers come about in a similar way. The only difference being that the remaining tribesmen found the whole affair so hilarious that they’ve made it a national sport (together with drinking and axe-throwing). Some of the ones who stumble away, howling praises to their gods and swigging ale, they even get back during their plundering trips in the summer.

    Mechanics: Make a barbarian or a druid or something. If a 3rd edition variation, the bees are a non-transferable artefact(unless any PC drinks as often and as heavy spirits as the Beeserkers do. The bees settle down after a while in drunken stupor). In 4th, count them as an item giving a free power and one “once per encounter”-power with the caveat that the user needs to get attacked. Do I look like I know D&D mechanics very well? Make your own damn mechanics.
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)16:55 No.3467143
    BEEEEES
    >> The Scribe 01/20/09(Tue)16:59 No.3467176
    In my fanfic, all inferior races are wiped out in favour of the bees.
    >> Lazy DM V !vONhvIg88o 01/20/09(Tue)17:01 No.3467195
         File :1232488868.jpg-(57 KB, 450x680, bee-beard.jpg)
    57 KB
    >>3467093
    tl;dr: Drunken berserker vikings with a beehive stuck on their face. The bees are knocked out by the mead-filled breath.

    Excuse my poor art skills. Not that skilled and didn't want to waste two hours drawing a half-naked man with a bee-beard.

    Also, BEEEEES!
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)17:01 No.3467203
    In my beefic, all inferior fans are wiped out in favour of the races.
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)17:04 No.3467234
    >>3467090
    >Beeserker
    Read this as "Beerserker"
    >> Hive 01/20/09(Tue)17:06 No.3467245
    >>3467090
    >>3467093
    as a beekeeper, I can say that this. is. AWESOME!

    also, I'm ALREADY playing a barbarian from a "northern tribe" in my online DnD stuff. Gonna totally make one.
    >> Hive 01/20/09(Tue)17:08 No.3467272
    also, more hive based attacks!

    A beeserker could, for instance, grab a handful of bees, crush them, and huck the goo. This will piss off ALL THE BEES, and they will attack whatever the hell you hit and anything near it- and coincidentally, they will also maul your hand.

    Also, I want there to be some bee-breath ability. Like firebreath, but with bees.
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)17:11 No.3467290
    >>3467234
    This is a better idea.

    Except that a berserker warrior who goes around being drunk all day... is basically just a dwarf.
    >> BowlerHatMan !!hZDPsoEDBxR 01/20/09(Tue)17:12 No.3467302
         File :1232489536.jpg-(31 KB, 511x409, japanesehornet.jpg)
    31 KB
    Can there be a prestige class where you let Japanese Hornets kill your bee beard and take their place?
    >> Hive 01/20/09(Tue)17:13 No.3467316
    >>3467302
    Japanese hornets aren't nearly as deadly to people as killer bees- you'd have to spend a round before battle making sure they were riled enough, AND you'd have to crush a few and huck 'em to get 'em to attack right. though they do sting like a bitch.
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)17:14 No.3467320
    >>3467302
    Oh god that's horrifying!
    >> Lazy DM V !vONhvIg88o 01/20/09(Tue)17:15 No.3467327
         File :1232489708.jpg-(11 KB, 300x304, svBEE_narrowweb__300x304,0.jpg)
    11 KB
    >>3467272
    >>3467302
    I leave the mechanics to people more capable at that thing than I am. Like you. Or someone else. Go nuts!
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)17:15 No.3467331
    >>3467302
    Fightan Weeaboo Hornetzerker?
    >> BowlerHatMan !!hZDPsoEDBxR 01/20/09(Tue)17:16 No.3467338
    >>3467316
    Hm... you do have a good point.

    Still, what about allowing multiple different sorts of insects to hitch a ride on your body to use them in battle? Bee beard and army and codpiece, eh?
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)17:17 No.3467353
         File :1232489872.jpg-(69 KB, 640x480, coconut_crab.jpg)
    69 KB
    >>3467338

    COCONUT CRAB GROIN ARMOUR
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)17:18 No.3467356
    Hornet of Joms!
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)17:19 No.3467370
    >>3467302
    >Can there bee

    fix'd
    >> Hive 01/20/09(Tue)17:20 No.3467381
    >>3467338
    well, that's awesome and horrific- like a non-sissyemocaster version of that one... swarm wizard... thing.

    Also, upon thinking more, the hornets might actually be a pretty good idea. Once they -start- attacking, they release attack pherimone, so that's no problem. Also, they can repeatedly sting- that's a big advantage. Maybe you lose some bees every time, but not hornets?
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)17:21 No.3467385
         File :1232490071.jpg-(123 KB, 500x375, bear of the waters.jpg)
    123 KB
    >>3467353
    WATER BEAR ARMOR

    A WALL OF MILLIONS OF WATERBEARS INTERLINKED FOR NO APPARENT REASON

    INVINCIBLE
    >> BowlerHatMan !!hZDPsoEDBxR 01/20/09(Tue)17:23 No.3467402
    >>3467331
    It's one thing to automatically assume "Japanese ______" is better than "Non-Japanese ______" simply because it's Japanese.

    It's a whole other thing to be faced with the cold reality of an acid-spitting hornet the size of a grown man's thumb that has a tendency to chase humans up to seven miles and make a habit of walking into 30,000 bee strong hives in groups of around 30 or so and utterly wiping out the bees in under an hour's time. The fuckers are vicious, and they live almost everywhere in Japan, including urban areas.

    Fuckers are objectively awesome, country of origin aside.
    >> BowlerHatMan !!hZDPsoEDBxR 01/20/09(Tue)17:25 No.3467419
    >>3467385
    Mother of god. What the hell have you done?!
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)17:25 No.3467422
    >>3467402
    I know, I was only picking fun.

    Also, I know hagfish have some really great potential martial quality. I just can't figure out what it is yet.
    >> RAWK LAWBSTAR 01/20/09(Tue)17:26 No.3467435
    >>3467402
    I am now suddenly terrified of Japan
    >> BowlerHatMan !!hZDPsoEDBxR 01/20/09(Tue)17:26 No.3467437
         File :1232490417.jpg-(17 KB, 420x283, fullautowolf.jpg)
    17 KB
    >>3467422
    Ah. Terribly sorry. As for other animals that could be interesting in combat... FULL AUTOMATIC WOLF GUN.
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)17:27 No.3467445
    >>3467435

    You mean you weren't before? what the fuck is wrong with you, man?
    >> Hive 01/20/09(Tue)17:28 No.3467455
    >>3467435
    don't worry, they can only take those bees 'cause they have some hax chitin that makes it really damn hard to sting. Hell, the bees kill it by hugging it to death in japan- not a demonbeast.

    Though, I am scared of those fucks for my bees. I need some bigger stingers on those suckers.
    >> BowlerHatMan !!hZDPsoEDBxR 01/20/09(Tue)17:29 No.3467458
    Also, in spite of Japanese hornets having already been mentioned, I think this is most appropriate to the thread: http://www.cracked.com/article_15816_5-most-horrifying-bugs-in-world.html

    Weaponized bot fly swarms, anyone?
    >> RAWK LAWBSTAR 01/20/09(Tue)17:29 No.3467463
    >>3467445
    I always found tentacle monsters rather appealing

    but these monster hornets... seriously evolution what the hell?
    >> BowlerHatMan !!hZDPsoEDBxR 01/20/09(Tue)17:31 No.3467474
    >>3467455
    Have you tried selectively breeding them for longer, stronger stingers?
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)17:33 No.3467489
    >>3467422 again
    For those unfamiliar, this is a hagfish and why they are awesome:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bb2EOP3ohnE
    >> Hive 01/20/09(Tue)17:34 No.3467497
    >>3467474
    I will once I'm done breeding 'em fer honey production and goddamn unkillability ( I'm reducing the amount of chemicals and medicines they get every year, and also moving them into colder and more damp conditions)

    Once I have more hives, I really intend to breed some with longer stingers and more agressiveness- If it works, I will use them for pest-control and anti-killer bee antics.
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)17:35 No.3467505
    >>3467302
    I hated those things. And the other type of hornet. And the wasps with enormously long legs. And the spiders. I'm fine with them now, but when I was younger I'd have to walk to school past them and OH GOD THE STRIPEY SPIDERS.
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)17:36 No.3467508
    >>3467489
    what do they secrete? methylcelulose?
    >> BowlerHatMan !!hZDPsoEDBxR 01/20/09(Tue)17:38 No.3467525
    >>3467505
    See, spiders are why I'll never visit Australia until it's a level plateau of glass.
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)17:40 No.3467538
    Fuck you, the Bees are far better!

    "As the hornet enters the nest, a large mob of about five hundred honey bees surrounds it, completely covering it and preventing it from moving, and begin quickly vibrating their flight muscles. This has the effect of raising the temperature of the honey bee mass to 47 °C (117 °F). The honey bees can just about tolerate this temperature, but the hornet cannot survive more than 46 °C (115 °F), so it dies. Often several bees perish along with the intruder, but the death of the hornet scout prevents it from summoning reinforcements which would wipe out the colony."

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asian_giant_hornet
    >> Hive 01/20/09(Tue)17:40 No.3467543
    >>3467525
    I know- it's scary shit like that what got me into studying bees and swarms in general. I'm gonna make my OWN scary bug that kills all the other fucking bugs, but it leaves humans alone (likes our sweat? Who knows, I'll figure something out)

    That way, I never have to fear australia again.
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)17:42 No.3467556
    >>3467508
    All I know is it's a specialized sort of mucus. Can't find anything more than that. Awesome stuff though.

    >>3467497
    And then Hive was the IRL beezerker.

    By the way, isn't there a sort of international bee disease crisis right now?
    >> BowlerHatMan !!hZDPsoEDBxR 01/20/09(Tue)17:44 No.3467565
    >>3467543
    The idea that a Sydney funnel spider or a few Huntsman spiders might find their way into a cargo container and make their way into 'Murka hadn't even crossed my mind until you mentioned a nebulous fear of Australia rather than merely the spiders mercifully contained within its shores.

    Fuck.

    Godspeed in your quest to breed a superbug, good sir!
    >> Hive 01/20/09(Tue)17:46 No.3467587
    >>3467556
    yes, actually.
    there are TWO seperate kinds of completely fatal mite going around, foulbrood (a disease so bad you have to -burn the hive by law-) has been spreading like hell, pesticides have been fucking ALL the beehives, and finally, there's a rash of beehives just being completely fucking empty for no reason.

    Pretty soon, beekeepers will be -required- for the continued well being of the environment.

    I hope to use this situation to my advantage and become an agricultural baron of pollination- From there, I start all the other corporate fantasies I've always wanted. Busy-bee mercenary company. Hive omnicorp. Horrible honeycomb death-carriers invading alien races.

    But yeah- first thing's first, I need to develop the BEST bees.
    >> BowlerHatMan !!hZDPsoEDBxR 01/20/09(Tue)17:49 No.3467604
    >>3467587
    >burn the hive by law

    Man, that ought to suck for hobbyist beekeepers.
    >> Hive 01/20/09(Tue)17:51 No.3467615
    >>3467604
    it does- ESPECIALLY because I need a damn sample of foulbrood if I'm gonna breed some resistant bees.

    If I gotta do the illegal to make the best insects, I'm gonna.
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)17:52 No.3467620
         File :1232491958.jpg-(26 KB, 480x560, 1226637599108.jpg)
    26 KB
    The Beerserker is far superior to the Beezerker.
    >> Lazy DM V !vONhvIg88o 01/20/09(Tue)17:59 No.3467664
    >>3467620
    How can they be? Beeserkers are drunk AND have bee hives pasted to their faces?
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)18:01 No.3467681
    What happens when this super bug turns on its masters?

    Bug campaign where the players are a crack team of once-hated deadly bugs sent to infiltrate the mother hive and save the world?
    >> Hive 01/20/09(Tue)18:05 No.3467706
    >>3467681
    when the superbug turns on its masters, we are doomed. What I have made will either be our most powerful servant, or our next step in evolution. None shall defeat them!
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)18:05 No.3467709
         File :1232492712.jpg-(284 KB, 676x1000, Beersamurai.jpg)
    284 KB
    >>3467620
    At last I have found you...
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)18:06 No.3467719
    >>3467709
    >>3467620
    Holy shit what
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)18:09 No.3467738
    >>3467709
    BEERSERKER VERSUS SAMURALE

    ROUND ONE, ON ME!
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)18:13 No.3467767
    archive this shit, yo
    >> BowlerHatMan !!hZDPsoEDBxR 01/20/09(Tue)18:14 No.3467777
    >>3467706
    I can only hope that when the bees do decide we're no longer worth keeping around we'll have figured out how to leave our frail human bodies behind in favor of technological upgrades, allowing us and the bees to coexist as they would no longer be a threat to us and we would no longer need them.
    >> Hive 01/20/09(Tue)18:16 No.3467793
    >>3467777
    ...

    I...

    I GUESS it would be wise to terminate my cyberbee projects:/
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)18:24 No.3467860
    Make these super bees super sexy monster girls. Problem solved, I would think.
    >> BowlerHatMan !!hZDPsoEDBxR 01/20/09(Tue)18:25 No.3467872
         File :1232493959.jpg-(795 KB, 1599x2066, ilikebees2.jpg)
    795 KB
    >>3467860
    >> Hive 01/20/09(Tue)18:27 No.3467887
    >>3467860
    >>3467872
    Sorry, there are size concerns with this. Though... a line of pleasure-hives might be interesting.
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)18:29 No.3467903
    >>3467887
    >size concerns
    Keep them in a contained environment enriched with extremely high oxygen levels.
    >> BowlerHatMan !!hZDPsoEDBxR 01/20/09(Tue)18:33 No.3467929
         File :1232494394.jpg-(40 KB, 470x600, ilikebees5.jpg)
    40 KB
    >>3467887
    Size concerns be damned!
    >> Hive 01/20/09(Tue)18:37 No.3467956
    >>3467903
    but... this is the superbee race we're talking about. They need to be sturdy enough to defeat all other insects, and then humanity. Can't raise 'em in odd environments like that if I want them to resist normal ones.

    >>3467929
    How would you feel about a swarm of stingerless, friendly bees? possibly being locked with them in a tight, dark, private room for a half hour?
    >> Lazy DM V !vONhvIg88o 01/20/09(Tue)18:39 No.3467970
         File :1232494776.jpg-(30 KB, 200x329, Doctor_Who_and_the_Leisure_Hiv(...).jpg)
    30 KB
    >>3467887
    A whatnow hive?
    >> BowlerHatMan !!hZDPsoEDBxR 01/20/09(Tue)18:39 No.3467974
    >>3467956
    Depends. If you could get them to do that "bunch together in clumps and vibrate" thing that they do to invading Japanese hornets, I could see that being all the rage in red light districts, but it probably wouldn't be my cup 'o tea. Of course, I'd probably still give it a try...
    >> Hive 01/20/09(Tue)18:43 No.3468001
    >>3467970
    FUCKING DR. WHO TAKING MY IDEA

    >>3467974
    That's a good idea- the japanese kind would require MUCH less breeding to get 'em just right.

    Also, how much do you think a B-job would cost?
    >> Lazy DM V !vONhvIg88o 01/20/09(Tue)18:46 No.3468030
    >>3468001
    >FUCKING DR. WHO TAKING MY IDEA
    Nah, there's not really any bees involved, and the "Hive" is more of a... well, alright, it's a hive structure. But a glorified hotel.
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)18:47 No.3468041
    >>3467793
    >cyberbee
    Sign me up for my bee based internet browser now.
    >> Hive 01/20/09(Tue)18:48 No.3468044
    >>3468030
    well, as penance, I'm taking THEIR idea.

    Who would stay in a bee-themed hotel? how much extra would you pay for it over a standard, non-bee hotel?
    >> BowlerHatMan !!hZDPsoEDBxR 01/20/09(Tue)18:49 No.3468051
    >>3468001
    Rates would probably be determined by disease checks, cleaning the "used" bees, liability insurance, location overhead, and the rate at which the bees breed compared to the rate at which they die.
    >> Lazy DM V !vONhvIg88o 01/20/09(Tue)18:51 No.3468070
    >>3468044
    Do we get fresh honey with our toast and tea?
    >> BowlerHatMan !!hZDPsoEDBxR 01/20/09(Tue)18:52 No.3468077
    >>3468044
    I probably wouldn't stay in a bee-themed hotel... I mean, maybe if someday I have kids, but as-is I don't see myself staying at a hotel with any theme other than "luxury". And given my financial prospects... even that's not very likely unless my writing gets huge.
    >> Hive 01/20/09(Tue)18:52 No.3468079
    >>3468051
    bees are very good at self-cleaning. Maybe I'll give 'em quick wash afterwards, just to be safe.

    Also, the insurance part, yeah. that's gonna be aspensive- hopefully the bees will have small enough mouths and no stingers so there's absolutely no pain.

    Also, what texture should the bees be? Fluffy? Smooth? ~slippery~?
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)18:52 No.3468085
    WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED IN THIS THREAD?
    >> BowlerHatMan !!hZDPsoEDBxR 01/20/09(Tue)18:54 No.3468101
    >>3468079
    Fluffy would be harder to clean. Slippery could ping people's squick factor. Smooth would probably be best for most applications, but really, the fluffy bees are cuter and would probably feel nicer. I'd keep the fluffy ones around for VIP's, but go smooth for regular customers.
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)18:55 No.3468106
    >>3468085
    it's covered in BEES
    >> Hive 01/20/09(Tue)18:55 No.3468118
    >>3468070
    yes.

    >>3468077
    bees are luxurious! or something! maybe I'll rent the hotel to high-power corporate types, and tell them the honeycombbeds are for power-naps. I'll make a mint.

    >>3468085
    Bitch, the hivemind has commandeered it to talk about future bee-related domination plans.
    >> Lazy DM V !vONhvIg88o 01/20/09(Tue)18:58 No.3468137
         File :1232495919.jpg-(23 KB, 200x299, bee beard.jpg)
    23 KB
    >>3468085
    Bees. Bees happened.

    I note that none have presented a worthy challenge for the Beeserker. Clearly, I have created the ultimate foe.

    Compact, but deadly.
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)18:59 No.3468142
    >>3468118
    Not related, but are you the same beekeeping anon from that one thread a few months ago?
    >> Hive 01/20/09(Tue)18:59 No.3468150
    >>3468137
    well, the natural enemies to beezerkers aren't even real enemies- they're things like foulbrood, and bee-eating wasps.
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)19:00 No.3468156
    >>3468137
    Dwarven Water Bear Defender
    >> Hive 01/20/09(Tue)19:00 No.3468158
    >>3468101
    well, that's why I was leery towards slippery.

    But smooth for most, fluffy for VIPs? Sounds like a business plan. Now all we need is a few years of breedin'.

    >>3468142
    I've been a beekeeping anon for quite a while, it's only recently someone told me to get a name.
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)19:07 No.3468206
         File :1232496431.jpg-(203 KB, 760x596, business.jpg)
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    This is what I forsee
    >> BowlerHatMan !!hZDPsoEDBxR 01/20/09(Tue)19:10 No.3468231
    >>3468206
    That would be the worst way to wake up EVER. The last thing I need is a strong physical reward conflicting with my arachnophobia...
    >> Hive 01/20/09(Tue)19:12 No.3468247
    >>3468231
    how would you feel like if it was a bee?
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)19:15 No.3468262
         File :1232496917.jpg-(37 KB, 1052x800, 1214066291665.jpg)
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    >>3468206
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)19:18 No.3468290
    >>3468206
    Whyyyyyyyyy
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)19:23 No.3468326
    >>3468206
    ......thanks, I think I'm broken
    >> Lazy DM V !vONhvIg88o 01/20/09(Tue)19:24 No.3468336
    >>3468247
    Noone's posted that melting bee-ish lady yet. That'd be different, of course.
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)19:25 No.3468345
    >>3468206

    No...NO...NOOOOO!!!!
    >> RAWK LAWBSTAR 01/20/09(Tue)19:28 No.3468371
    >>3468206
    wha...

    even I find that disturbing
    >> Hive 01/20/09(Tue)19:29 No.3468379
    >>3468371
    >>3468345
    >>3468336
    >>3468326
    >>3468290

    so

    NONE of you like this?

    shit, I'm gonna have a harder time with my pleasure hives than I thought.

    are you SURE you wouldn't be fine with it if it was a bee?
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)19:30 No.3468394
         File :1232497817.jpg-(9 KB, 173x208, 12024581276123.jpg)
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    >>3468206
    WHAT IS THIS I DONT EVEN
    >> Lazy DM V !vONhvIg88o 01/20/09(Tue)19:30 No.3468395
    >>3468379
    I suspect we may be a bit too... Anthrocentric.
    >> words cannot describe... so I will... Maus !!E/1DGx6ERSC 01/20/09(Tue)19:30 No.3468405
    >>3468206
    O.O
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)19:33 No.3468443
    >>3468395
    >Anthrocentric.

    why yes, they'd give men pleasue, not eachother.
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)19:33 No.3468444
    >>3468206

    http://www.oglaf.com/
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)19:33 No.3468454
         File :1232498029.png-(29 KB, 239x237, what.png)
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    >>3468206
    >> Hive 01/20/09(Tue)19:35 No.3468478
    >>3468395
    I guess I'm the only one who wants a pleasure monstrosity, eh?

    >>3468443
    I know, I thought they'd like it too, but I guess not. And if 4chan doesn't even like it, I think I should hold a decade for my pleasure hive idea.
    >> BowlerHatMan !!hZDPsoEDBxR 01/20/09(Tue)19:35 No.3468480
    >>3468379
    Women in black and yellow stripes? Hot. Monstrous arthropod with a vagoo face? Terrifying. Normal-sized bees bred to cling to genitalia, heat up, and vibrate? Jury's still out on it.
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)19:37 No.3468501
         File :1232498258.jpg-(53 KB, 380x247, 1232172078719.jpg)
    53 KB
    >>3468206
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)19:38 No.3468514
    >>3468480
    I'd be scared as all fuck. BEES. BEES ALL OVER MY PENIS.
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)19:40 No.3468532
    >>3468478
    me too, but I like my pleasure monstrosities to have pretty girl faces.
    >> why hasn't this been posted yet? RAWK LAWBSTAR 01/20/09(Tue)19:45 No.3468582
    NOW THIS IS HOW IT STARTED, LET ME GIVE YOU A SHOW
    ABOUT HOW I WAS COVERED IN BEES FROM MY HEAD TO MY TOE
    AND I'D LIKE TO TAKE A MINUTE, DON'T YOU GO NOWHERE PLEASE
    I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT HOW I'M FUCKING COVERED IN BEES

    IIIIIIN SOVIET RUSSIA, BORN AND RAISED
    COVERED IN BEES IS HOW I SPENT MOST OF MY DAYS
    CHILLIN' OUT, MAXIN', BEING COVERED IN BEES
    AND JUST PLAYING WITH MY HORNETS, SITTING ON MY KNEES
    WHENN A COUPLE OF BEE FARMERS STARTED STEALING MY FUN
    HAD TO SPRAY THEM DOWN WITH MY TOMMY GUN
    I WAS COVERED IN BEES WHEN THE BOSS CAME NEAR AND SAID
    "YOUR JOINING THE COBRAS, GO SIT BY THE FEAR"

    I HOPPED INTO THE WIG AND WAS FEELING A BIT ILL
    THERE WAS A DEAD OLD MAN AND AN ASTRONAUT AT THE WHEEL
    IF ANYTHING I COULD SAY THAT THIS SHIT REEKED OF CHEESE
    BUT I THOUGH "NAH, FORGET IT, I'M COVERED IN BEES!"

    I-PULLED-UP TO THE BASE ABOUT SEVEN OR EIGHT
    I POSED DRAMATICALLY AND I SHOUTED "GRENADE"
    I LOOKED AT THE SHAGOHOD, RIGHT HERE AT MY KNEES
    AND I BECAME THE PAIN, I'M FUCKING COVERED IN BEES
    >> Hive 01/20/09(Tue)19:46 No.3468595
    >>3468480
    well, it looks like it'll be swarms and swarms only. Or, possibly, (for the higher class and already bee-enthused) a human shaped swarm-container- just stick pleasuredongle A into hole B and enjoy! Lifelike movements!

    >>3468514
    Just give it a minute- scientists have shown it's almost impossible to feel both fear and sexy at the same time.

    >>3468532
    facebreedin's hard :/
    >> BEEEES BEEEES 01/20/09(Tue)19:48 No.3468613
    BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES I'M OUTTA HERE
    >> RAWK LAWBSTAR 01/20/09(Tue)19:49 No.3468615
    >>3468595
    I don't quite you'll have the texture right
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)19:51 No.3468632
    >>3468532
    But bees with human faces would be creepier
    >> Maus !!E/1DGx6ERSC 01/20/09(Tue)19:52 No.3468644
    >>3468632
    megamilkbee.jpg
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)19:52 No.3468647
    >>3468595
    BEE SEX GOLEMS?

    I'M FINE WITH THIS
    >> Hive 01/20/09(Tue)19:52 No.3468650
    >>3468632
    I didn't think of that- what's worse, a swarm of bees around your dick

    or a swarm of bees with -human faces- around your dick?
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)19:53 No.3468659
    >>3468582
    Can I have the screencap of the original thread with this? You know, the one with THE PAIN!

    Thanks.
    >> Maus !!E/1DGx6ERSC 01/20/09(Tue)19:54 No.3468663
    >>3468650
    megamilkbeepenisswarm.png
    >> RAWK LAWBSTAR 01/20/09(Tue)19:54 No.3468673
    >>3468659
    I don't have it unfortunately
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)19:55 No.3468675
    >>3468650
    human faces make everything suppa suppa kawiko desu
    >> BowlerHatMan !!hZDPsoEDBxR 01/20/09(Tue)19:56 No.3468693
         File :1232499414.jpg-(97 KB, 600x550, chibees.jpg)
    97 KB
    I don't think this'd be creepy at all.
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)19:58 No.3468703
    >>3468650
    Okay, take that...and make them TALK. But they're still mindless insects so they just spout random gibberish.
    >> Hive 01/20/09(Tue)20:00 No.3468727
    >>3468703
    I think we've created something that can both be used as a horror movie monster, a call of cthulu creature, and a real-damn good fuck. I'm delighted.
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)20:01 No.3468732
    >>3468703
    "Sucky sucky five dorrah?"
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)20:01 No.3468737
         File :1232499703.jpg-(10 KB, 300x225, 1228676489105.jpg)
    10 KB
    >>3468206
    SQUAD BROKEN!
    >> BowlerHatMan !!hZDPsoEDBxR 01/20/09(Tue)20:02 No.3468752
    >>3468727
    To be fair, A shoggoth can be all of those things too... As can a good number of D&D's aberrations if you think about it. I mean, I wouldn't want a BLOWjob from an ilithid, but I also wouldn't say "no" to a tentaclejob.
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)20:03 No.3468757
    >>3468206

    I am never sleeping again
    >> BowlerHatMan !!hZDPsoEDBxR 01/20/09(Tue)20:04 No.3468770
         File :1232499870.jpg-(25 KB, 292x200, dolphin.jpg)
    25 KB
    >>3468732
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)20:05 No.3468773
    >>3468770
    wut
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)20:08 No.3468803
    I'm tempted to ask what the fuck is wrong with you people, but I've been here long enough that it'd just be a formality. Besides, do want.

    (amazingly enough, in b4 Seinfeld)
    >> Hive 01/20/09(Tue)20:08 No.3468804
    >>3468752
    well, that takes the wind out of my sails some. But then again, almost all of the bee idea (minus the talking) is possible, and is gonna come about far before illithids roam the earth. At least if I have anything to say about it.
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)20:10 No.3468826
    >>3468804
    Nah, the only thing is that lots of abberations have tentacles. Bees is still different.

    But the thing about wiping out entire insect species is that they often support the ecosystem of wherever they are. So you'd have to engineer some less annoying insects to take their place.

    Hmmmm...sounds very First Age Exaltedy
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)20:11 No.3468829
    >>3468773
    al dolphins are whores, when you swim whit them and then rub their face at your knees they're trying to find out why you have legs where your cunt should be. that is, until they finally fuck a human, then there's no force short of a bullet that will pry their attention from crotches.
    >> Hive 01/20/09(Tue)20:14 No.3468868
    >>3468826
    I've never played exalted- but I do hope to release several lines of swarm-cleaners, each designed to be human friendly and eliminate the native version of their species. Hopefully I can modify many creatures to actually be productive- Imagine teensy cleaning ants(or bees) that dispose of all the biological waste in your room.
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)20:15 No.3468876
         File :1232500524.jpg-(108 KB, 881x552, Fresh Prince of Pain.jpg)
    108 KB
    >>3468659
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)20:30 No.3468995
    The little guys could propably thrive on the amount of protein that an average 4chan user produces by fapping.
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)20:33 No.3469020
    OMG Jimmy what are you doing?
    GET OUT MOM I'M FEEDING THE BEEEES!
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)20:37 No.3469061
    >>3469020

    I could have done without that mental image thank
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)21:01 No.3469287
         File :1232503267.png-(13 KB, 550x281, BEES!.png)
    13 KB
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)21:21 No.3469475
    >>3468829
    The worst part is that cetacean penises are designed for rape. Consensual sex is was not the norm for cetaceans until quite recently in their evolutionary history, and it shows.

    A dolphin penis is prehensile, grippy, and very very strong.

    More than a few women have been injured fooling around with dolphins, and a dolphin who has had one human lover (consensual or not) may decide he would like another, and a girl in the water cannot effectively resist.
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)22:14 No.3469954
    >>3468829
    >>3469475
    Dolphin bestiality?

    Not sure if want.
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)22:18 No.3469999
    >>3469954
    You are lying.
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)22:18 No.3470003
    >>3469954
    If they're up for it, it doesn't matter if you want it.

    And yeah, anon's right, if you read up on it you will find that dolphin raep and assorted sexual accosting is more prevalent than you would have ever believed. People like to play with dolphins, those dolphins like to play with people, dolphins happen to have much different ideas of play than people.
    >> BowlerHatMan !!hZDPsoEDBxR 01/20/09(Tue)22:20 No.3470018
    >>3470003
    Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems you're saying that dolphins are aquatic cutebolds.
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)22:22 No.3470035
    >>3469475
    now all we need to do is get science to transplant a dolphin penis onto a human and we will have the ultimate penis!
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)22:27 No.3470070
    >>3470035
    PREHENSILE PENIS FUCK YEAH
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)22:28 No.3470083
    TENTACLE DICK
    >> RAWK LAWBSTAR 01/20/09(Tue)22:29 No.3470095
    >>3470083

    that would be fucking awesome
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)22:39 No.3470167
    >>3470018
    If anything I would say they are more like aquatic (in before rage) sergals. They are playful but, in their own way, they are quite savage. Rival animals, including other dolphins, are subject to torture.

    And by the way, dolphin snatch is as as deadly as dolphin penis - they can grip you with it and pull you under.

    An excerpt pertaining to dolphin raep, harassment, and destruction:
    >The activities and fates of 29 lone, sociable dolphins are well
    documented (Table 3). More than two-thirds were males (17/25
    whose sex was known), and slightly more than half were immatures
    (15/28 whose age was estimated). Most were reported to
    have near-daily interactions with humans and infrequent interactions
    with conspecifics. One lone, sociable dolphin was locally
    acclaimed for ‘saving’ a drowning boy (‘Flipper’); however,
    others achieved notoriety for ‘abducting’ people who then had
    to be saved by boat (e.g. ‘Donald’, ‘Percy’). At least 13 dolphins
    had periods of mis-directed sexual behaviour towards humans,
    buoys, and/or vessels, and approximately two-thirds (at least 18)
    directed aggressive behaviour towards humans. Dolphin-to-human
    aggression sometimes resulted in such serious human
    injury as unconsciousness, a ruptured spleen, and broken ribs,
    (e.g. ‘Donald’, an unnamed dolphin from Florida Keys) or even
    death (‘Tiao’). At least eight dolphins were reported to cause
    damage to human property, primarily vessels and fishing gear.
    Aggression, damage to human property, and/or disruption of
    fishing operations resulted in conflict with local people in several
    cases (e.g. ‘JoJo’, ‘Nudgy’, ‘Percy’). Although the focus of this
    review is the welfare of cetaceans, it is important to note the risks
    for humans because inappropriate behaviour with humans has
    often had disastrous outcomes for lone, sociable cetaceans.


    Dolphins are pretty awesome.
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)23:00 No.3470333
    /tg/ once again shows that it's /d/ trying really, really hard not to post futa

    Don't get me wrong, I fucking love /d/.
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)23:01 No.3470346
    >>3470167
    Bottlenose Dolphins are notorious perverts and bullies. A while back, some town in the UK was wondering why they were finding so many dead Harbor Porpoises on their beaches, turns out, gangs of young adult bottlenoses had been preventing the smaller porpoises from coming up for air, fucking the dead bodies, and then biting off their fins.

    Scariest fucking thing I have ever read in the National Geographic.
    >> Anonymous 01/20/09(Tue)23:28 No.3470543
    But I like porpoises.
    >> Anonymous 01/21/09(Wed)00:31 No.3471122
    Thanks for your request.
    It has been added to our database and the thread will be archived as soon as enough request for that thread have been made.
    This thread has been requested 2 times now.

    MOAR
    >> Anonymous 01/21/09(Wed)01:30 No.3471636
    >>3470346
    ...so dolphins really do have the equivalent to the Freelance Rape Squad that shows up in /d/ and /h/?
    >> Anonymous 01/21/09(Wed)01:34 No.3471668
    >>3471636
    >freelance rape squad
    Tell me more.
    >> Anonymous 01/21/09(Wed)01:37 No.3471688
    >>3470346
    Do you have a link that verifies this information? I have friends who like dolphins and have trouble believing that they are evil.
    >> Anonymous 01/21/09(Wed)01:42 No.3471729
    >>3470346
    So wait, if Dolphins are the smartest beings on the planet, and they're already hitting their decadent stride....

    Guys, we need to make wraithbone Craftworlds and get the fuck out of here, like now!
    >> Anonymous 01/21/09(Wed)02:31 No.3472075
    only 2 more requests to be archived! Come on!
    >> Anonymous 01/21/09(Wed)02:39 No.3472131
    It's already on sup/tg/. Chill.
    >> Anonymous 01/21/09(Wed)05:40 No.3473262
    bampu
    >> Lazy DM V !vONhvIg88o 01/21/09(Wed)06:06 No.3473354
    >>3468693
    So damn tempted to put MEGA-faces on those...

    But I don't have a transparent gif of that face. Meh.
    >> Lazy DM V !vONhvIg88o 01/21/09(Wed)06:59 No.3473656
         File :1232539191.jpg-(74 KB, 367x500, leg_queen_bee.jpg)
    74 KB
    So I guess it'll take a couple of generations to get these more humanoid bees up and running?



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