>>3512583
Old Thread.

>>3512634

Epic pose time.

Quick, test it out with the nearest tankard!

Jerk off with devilhand

>>3512634
DRINK

>>3512634
SHINING FINGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Oh God. If this is anything like Futurama then this is gonna be hilarious.

>>3512634
Now we have the Demon Hand, we need to go start a bar brawl to test it out.

>>3512634
See if you can shoot energy beams.
Use Garelf's corpse as a target.

>>3512663

Corpse? Come, now, losing a liver doesn't kill you that fast.

Blow off his lower body.

>>3512634
Before he leaves, ask Satan for a way to contact him, they still need to settle the whole "Drinking Contest" thing.

>>3512663
Better idea!
RIP AND TEAR GARELF'S CORPSE WITH YOUR NEW HAND!
RIP AND TEAR!

Use channel on the next Z level

>>3512634

Lets not have a Liquid Ocelot-like thing happen please.

Next time Hand talks, force it into a puppet-like pose, using your thumb and fingers as the lips.

>>3512650
A TEST!

devil arm dorf?

FUCK YEAR

This is a cool turn of events.

Go on a quest for the Shining Gundorf.

Or at least the Rising. Invite Satan, use Restore Moderate Wounds on Garrelf, and look around the bar for anyone else.

Don't do that.

We need someone to mock mercilessly.

Without Garrelf who would be the butt of the joke?

Our new arm no doubt has GREAT STRENGTH.

Let us construct a giant tankard to drink out of. Make it out of lead for extra heavy.

>>3512686
DIDNT FEEL A FUCKING THING.

>>3512694

He has a point.

Heal Garrelf.

>>3512691
thisthisthisthisthis
except garrelf. fuck him.
or reanimate him as an undead servant if he HAS to come along.

>>3512691

>>3512696

Who needs a cup, use the beer tap as a fountain. And strangle anyone who opposes you.

Heal Garelf, if he doesn't remember that we were the ones who shiv'd him due to drunkenness he should be eternally grateful to us for saving his life.

>>3512695
Did you forget our CRAFTSDWARF skill is absolutely terrible? We'd likely end up with a giant lead weight instead of any kind of mug.

>>3512700
We could have the priest cast regeneration with the Dragon Eye. If we wanted.

Well that's enough power trip. For now.

>>3512691
You use your scroll of Cure Moderate Wounds on the poor Elf. You did take his liver, and he was being a good sport about all of this.

>>3512719

NOW, ABOUT THAT GUNDORF...

>>3512714
I like how you ignore that we'd die from lead poisoning if we did that.

>>3512727

Dorfen constitution would easily overcome such things

>>3512727
We're talking Dorfs here.
They can survive eating straight off of Lead Tables, I think they can handle Booze from a Lead Mug.

Ask Satan if he can do anything for Gerrelf.

Like making him human.

Or a dorf.

>>3512743

YES, dorfify the elf!

What's that monkey up to?

>>3512743
>>3512744
That wouldn't take much effort, considering he's already half-dorf.

Use the mystical power of our new arm to DORFIFY Dorfelf, and also make your beard capable of wielding weaponry under your control.

WE WILL HAVE QUAD-WIELDING DORF.

Make it a female dorf for good measure.

We need some hot slab of dorf woman to accompany us.

>>3512765

One part dorf, one part elf (The elf is pretty much a woman anyways)

Update your journal.

>>3512765

No.

That is creepy.

Also, I have the oddest feeling that BeardBeard is the father.

>>3512649
Cool pose tiem.

Also, inventory check.
PAUSE SCREEN
Current Quest(s): NONE

STATUS: Slightly Injured
LEFT ARM is SATAN'S ARM
Moderate TORSO damage

ALCOHOLISM: Regular Drunk
GOLD: 2

INVENTORY:
Iron Axe
Pick Axe
2 Torches
10 feet Rope
Overworld Map
Hydra Hide
Hydra Skull
Dragon Eye In A Jar


Party:
Garrelf Swiftrip
SATAN - demands 666 Gold by the end of the month or there will be trouble.

NOTE TO SELF: LOAD PICTURE.

>>3512786

Since we have a sexy-demon arm, we should consider selling that dragon eye for the 4000 gold its apparently worth to help pay for Satan's wages.

>>3512796

>>Current Quest(s): NONE

This must be fixed!

>>3512796
>ALCOHOLISM: Regular Drunk

FUCK THAT. DID YOU SEE HOW MUCH DAMN BOOZE WE DRANK? HOLY SHIT.

>>3512796
Lets see if we can maybe replace our eye with the Dragon Eye to gain some sort of Eye lasers or whatever. Failing that, let's go see if the priest who wanted it to restore our arm will buy it for golds.

>>3512746
The Monkey seems to have wandered off somewhere...

>>3512780

Beardbeard would never lower himself to relations with an elf woman. He might confuse their men for women...

>>3512796
>SATAN - demands 666 Gold by the end of the month or there will be trouble.

Why? We didn't hire him.

>>3512816

Yeah, see if Satan (Who is apparently our hireling) if he can help install this dragon eye.

>>3512796
Right, better go get Satan's money, then.
Now what can we do for cash.

>>3512819

STEAL PAINTING
/advicedog
SELL FOR BANANAS

>>3512796

Have Satan do something for us while we still have him for the month.

>>3512835

Things we can do for money:

Umm... drink, kill... drink...

I still think we should find some way to channel our Devil arm's power. Preferably through a Giant Dorf-modeled Steam-powered Mech.
But sell the Dragon Eye to someone for 5500 Gold anyway.

>>3512840

>>3512850

The demon arm will show its power to us at the most inconvenient time

>>3512809
>ALCOHOLISM: Okay, really quite drunk
Fix'd.

>>3512816
You want THAT in your eye?

>>3512840
>>3512859
The monkey is now a PC we are in direct control of. DO IT FAGGOT.

>>3512824
>>3512829
>>3512835
>Why? We didn't hire him.

Guess the elf will have to just settle for being A HORRIBLE ELF.

Sucks to be him.

>>3512862
1 dorf 1 jar

>>3512878

Oh, then it's all on Garrelf's shoulders if he can't pay, we're in the clear!

Ask Satan where his wings went, and if he needs help to find them.

>>3512884
rejoice in our legal ambiguity!

Ask about Satan's hopes and dreams.

Then prepare to crush them, in secret.

>>3512874
The monkey is disappointed to discover the painting is worth only 2 bananas, but takes the deal. It is a crappy painting.

>>3512878
Well OK then.

Ask him if there's any work he has to offer.

>>3512905

Let's go get some bananas and convince the monkey to be our minion, just like the pansy-elf

>>3512892
You know how sometimes your arms aren't there when you don't need them? Same thing with my wings.

Monkey eats a banana.....

Does it work?

>>3512878

Satan: Retrieve wings from safe.

cancel shenanigans: HUMAN CARAVAN HAS ARRIVED

Can we use the powers of Satan's arm to find potential useless Rogue-like party members?

>>3512932

let's sell the dragon eye to the caravan

Garrelf seems to have fallen over! It looks quite uncomfortable.

>>3512949

Hmmm, I wonder if that has anything to do with us stealing his liver?

GUY! GUY! GUY!
Don;t forget, we need to get someone to make out HYDRA SKULL and HYDRA HIDE into armor and helmut!
SELL THE DRAGON EYE FOR CASH TO PAY CRAFTDORFS!

>>3512949
Did the jar break in his rectum?

>>3512949

Give him a banana....

GIVE HIM THE BANANA.

>>3512949
You pansyass fucking elf. Satan went without a liver, why can't you.
Yell at the god damn elf.

INSERT SOMETING INTO ELFS ANUS WHILE HE IS PASSED OUT. LIKE PART OF HIS BEARD COLLECTION.

The dude who did that shitty fancomic introducing garelf must be feeling pretty lousy right now.

>>3512939
Hey, I never got to see the end of that, did it get archived?

>>3512972
GARELF ISN'T A BAD CHARACTER, HE IS JUST AN ELF, AND THAT MAKES HIM BAD. THE ONLY REASON HE ISN'T ALREADY DEAD IS BECAUSE HE IS WORTH KEEPING AROUND, IF AT LEAST FOR HUMOR/BODYPARTS.

>>3512972
Actually I'm havin' a riot reading this. And it wasn't a fancomic, it just happened to run at around the same time.

I guess we should get around to taking the poor elf to a temple or something to get fixed up...

>>3512994
Didn't we just use a Cure Moderate Wounds spell on him? Bastard's constitution sucks.

>>3512949
Ahah! Finally it becomes apparent he is a mutant communist traitor. Exterminate him so we can get ultraviolet access from The Computer!

>>3512972
Probably. If he wants to this can count as non-canon. Everyone is fucked over when they enter Dorf Quest.

>>3512963
SKELETON MONKEY TO THE RESCUE!

>>3513002

Yeah, but Cure Moderate Wounds doesn't regenerate livers, and he is a pansy. BUT we need him alive to take the blame if Satan doesn't get his cash.

>>3513009

Hurrah! Furious George!

>>3513009
Nah, I'll keep it canon. It's no fun if I screw with the excellent job you've been doing so far.

>>3512977
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=Dorf%20Quest

Yup, and it just had to be #5, so I couldn't have
DORF QUEST V: THAT DAMN BIRD

>>3513009

So, what exactly is happening in this picture?

>>3513023

The monkey is giving an elf a banana.

The monkey is dead.

The elf is dying?

>>3513016
You sure? Garrelf's dead. He has no liver, and just drank 10 pints of booze. Also Furious George to the Face isn't helping.

>>3513014
Furious George seems quite proud of his 'art.'

>>3513043
Give the monkey a gun.

That way he will be a monkey with a gun.

Compliment Furious George on his artwork, invite him into the party, and lets get Garrelf resurrected.

>>3513043
Garrelf died as he lived.

A total pussy.

>>3513043
Hmm. Dead, eh? Guess he'll have to be a zombie-half-dorf Elf. Actually, wasn't your character a zombie in the second through 4th Dorfquest? Guess it's Garrelf's turn.

>>3513049

skeletal monkey with a gun.

>>3513057

Tell Satan to raise his employer, or else he won't be able to get paid.

>>3513057
I like Garrelf's personality though. Removing it via zombification would be no fun.

NEW QUEST:

REVIVE GARRELF

Tell Satan to revive Garrelf.

Half-elf skeleton FTW!!

>>3513053
>Compliment George, invite into party.

George look quite content. Beardbeard asks if Furious George would like to join the party.

SATAN'S ARM has 6 abilities each with 6 uses?

>>3513074
Furious George wants to make more art.

>>3513094
K.O.!

>>3513094
Satan, you're on the clock. Kill Furious George for us.

>>3513094
monkies respect authority. skeletal monkies require you to rock out harder than spinal tap. crank that shit to 11.

>>3513111
And to 11 it will go. Bitch.

>>3513111

Agreed.

>>3513114

Demon-arm guitar solo on a mastercraft-dorfen axe!

>>3513114

We don't want to break the monkey too much.

Yank his tail.

You're all pussies.

Destroy the zombie. It's uncontrollable.

>>3513136

Monkey's a skellies, bitch.

We lurves our undead monkey.

I say melt its face by rockin' its world

>>3513142
Melt BONE? HARDCORE, BITCH.

>>3513114

>>3513161

Or play a dirge so soul-chillingly cold that the monkey's bones flash-freeze and explosively boil into icy mist.

>>3513171
USE DORF BEAM

>>3513171

Shit, what's super-effective against undead monkey? We used our cure scroll.

PUNCH FACE.

(note fighting game life bar, we do this shit MOVE BY MOVE.)

>>3513182

Or use PICK AXE ATTACK!

It's super effective against skulls.

>>3513191
If I'm not mistaken, that's a POKEMON life bar.

>>3513191
Its Pokemon.

USE WRAP (Grapple)

Well, once we get that monkey down low, lets use a pokeball to catch it, then we can summon it at will.

WRESTLE THAT FUCKING MONKEY, RED ALL OF IT'S HIT LOCATIONS, THEN BLACK THEM.

>>3513111
Spinal Tap went to 11. Crank that shit to 12.

After we lay the smack down on the Monkey, trap it inside SATAN arm.
Hey, we don;t know what this baby can do yet.

use PICK AXE on MONKEY PELVIS

combine the DRAGON eye the FORCE of your SATAN arm to pull DRAGONFORCE back in time to be backup players in the most FACE MELTINGEST rockout that Furious George has ever heard. Also, sonic type damage.

Use the devil arm!

THE DEVIL ARM!

Man that was an epic battle. Good thing I didn't draw it panel by panel - just the Lasso Scene would have taken forever!

You used some of your items in the battle. You lost:
10 feet of rope
1 Torch
SATAN

>>3513231
YOU FUCKING ELF, HOW DARE YOU LOSE SATAN

>>3513231
So help me, I lol'd.

>>3513237
WHY GOD WHY.

>>3513231
HOW DID YOU LOSE SATAN?

HE WAS HUGE

>>3513231

We still have the arm, right?

>>3513212
spinal tap were not dorfs. dorf 11 is like human 12.

>>3513231

SATAN ARM?

>>3513256
Dorfs dont even use a number system for explaining how they rock - it would imply that there would be things that could out rock a dorf.

Is that a liver?

put LIVER in DWELF and cast heal.

>>3513254
>>3513259
The arm is still there.

You only lost the big guy himself.

>>3513287
Alright then.

Loot everything that isn't nailed down.

>>3513287
Unleash the power of the Devil Hand.

Punch wall in half. Use half of wall as shield.

NOW WE HAVE A STONE DOORSHIELD AGAIN

>>3513287

How does one lose a fuck huge devil/demon thing while fighting a fucking monkey?

He probably is not dead, and left because Garrelf's dead, and Garrelf is the one who hired him.

Damn, Garrelf, why the fuck did you have to die!

Shit. We need more party members.

>>3513287
Nothing of value was lost.

>>3513329

Go outside, go to the first fucking person you see, tell them they're joining your party.

If they refuse, kill them.

Walk up to the next person you see and repeat until we have found a new party member.

We need to set about resurrecting Garrelf

LOOK:ROOM
Did we beat the monkey into submission?
Is there stuff to loot?

We STILL need to get someone to turn our Hydra Loot into GEAR!

WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED.

NEED FLASHBACK TO EXPLAIN WHY SATAN LEFT.

>>3513321
>>3513359
Everything in this room was destroyed three panels ago. Literally, disintegrated. Where do you think Satan went?

>>3513345
You find a DORFCHILD. He is armed with a TOY AXE.

>>3513386
Flashbacks are for pussies and 3/3 Green Elephants. Beardbeard is clearly neither.

>>3513404

Obviously that be a magic-castin' dorf.

magic stunts the growth of dorfs.

>>3513418

>>3513404
IGNORE CHILD!
SELL DRAGONEYE!
PAY BETTER CRAFTDORFS TO MAKE HYDRA GEAR!
FIND SOMETHIGN TO DO!

IN THAT ORDER!

He's not quite sure what you mean.

>>3513345
>If they refuse, kill them.

Sadly, dorfs ARE protected by Mountainholm law, unlike elves. That would be a bad idea.

>>3513404
Perhaps we don't slay dorfy persons.

Actually, the whole slaying thing might be inconvenient. Unless they're elves, we kill them regardless.

>>3513439
>Ignore Child

Easiest way to get another party member is to rez the Dwelf.

>>3513439
>Sell DragonEye
3000 Gold obtained!

>>3513464
>>3513349
>>3513271
>>3513065
YOUR PUBLIC DEMANDS IT.

>>3513464
Bah.

Let us seek out a lusty, busty and ass-whoopin dorfy maiden.

Sew LIVER into DWELF

Get ESTIMATE on REZZING DWELF

>>3513484
>>3513482
We can do that shit AFTER HYDRA GEAR!

Go to priest to get self fixed up and find a way to ressurect Satan or Gerelf.

>>3513483
>>3513490
Hydra gear and dorfy wenches!
FUND IT!

>>3513439
>PAY BETTER CRAFTDORFS TO MAKE HYDRA GEAR!
Lost 2800 GOLD.

Gained HYDRA HIDE ARMOR and HYDRA HELM.

>>3513509
So we have 200 gold... We need more rope!

>>3513439
>Find Something To Do!

>>3513482
>Raise the Dwelf!

ALRIGHT THEN!

[Yes, I am accusing the audience of railroading.]

>>3513503
>>3513484
>>3513482
Holy fuck you people love you some half-dorf half-elf.

>>3513520
I don't like the half-elf. I fucking love having cannon fodder around, though, and bothering dorf children is proving fruitless for the task.

>>3513520
THE SPECIES NAME IS NOW OFFICIALLY "DERF".

>>3513509

While we're at it...

WIELD AXE IN SATAN ARM
/dog
INFUSE WITH DEMONIC POWER

Wouldn't it be 'Delf'?

>>3513519
TO XOM'S TEMPLE!

>half elf, half dwarf

So... a human?

>>3513552
But... He's got the pointy ears...

...Wait...

HYLIAN. THAT'S A FUCKING ZELDA ELF RIGHT THERE.

In b4 he wants 3000 gold

>>3513546
...He seems to have something against your Derf friend.

>>3513567
It was 5000 or HYDRA HEART.

We MAY need to go back to the swamp...

>>3513567
If that happens, it's time to let him RIP and go hire a mercenary.

>>3513573
Forgot about that bit... We may need to go to an el-NO!
I can not bring myself to say it.
So instead... TO THE NEAREST HUMAN SETTLEMENT! THOSE FILTHY HUMANS WILL DO ANYTHING FOR MONEY!

>>3513546
>ORIGINAL TRAVEL SCENE DO NOT STEAL.png

>>3513573
Tell him Satan's gone, so it'll be just him and Garrelf.

PRAY TO DORF GODS TO RAISE YOUR HALF DORF FRIEND.

HE IS STILL HALF DORF. GIVE HIM A CHANCE TO OVERCOME HIS ELF LINEAGE.

Kill the high priest of Xom.

Then dance on his corpse.

Clearly, the Delf has one purpose left in life.

To be used as a surfboard.

SURF DOWN THE MOUNTAIN ONCE MORE TO SEEK ADVENTURE!!

>>3513605
You mean existence? He's already kind of dead as it is...

>>3513586
But 200 might not cut it... Do I hear SIDEQUEST?! TO HUMANITY!

>>3513605
Sunbeard looks much happier to see you than he did this morning.

>>3513630

Alright, we need to come back once we ressurect Garelf and kill the priest, then make his bones into fashionable eating instruments.

We're awfully close to autosagin'. Time t wrap things up.

Let's compromise.

Go to the nearest cool multiracial mos eisley-ish and/or human settlement. See if we find anyone cooler than Gerelf (name intentionally spelled as such) for hire.

If not, rez him.

>>3513630
bwahahaha

>>3513644
We LIKE the priest! He wouldn't res Dwelf because the Dwelf had Satan kick his ass, AND THAT'S NOT COOL!
Besides, we played strip Uno with him once, and that is a bond that can not be broken!

Gerelf's problem was splitting up. If he stuck together we could have gotten a buddy thing happening.

...Or maybe we'd have just ripped his throat out.

Whelp. Thread should be auto-saging right about now and SupTG won't load so we can't archive. We're fucked.

>>3513630
A familiar but slightly edited cinema scene takes place!

[animated!]

>>3513680
Already archived!
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/3512634/

>>3513700
110% awesome

This... this is chaos... this is madness...
This...
Is...
GLORIOUS.

>>3513700
This place looks familiar.

In case anyone is still reading this, PAUSE BUTAN.

BEARDBEARD
Current Quest(s): NONE

STATUS: Moderately Injured
LEFT ARM is SATAN'S ARM
Slight SATAN'S ARM damage
Severe TORSO damage

ALCOHOLISM: Pretty damn drunk
GOLD: 202

INVENTORY:
Iron Axe
Pick Axe
1 Torch
Overworld Map
Hydra Helm
Hydra Armor


Party:
Dead Garelf Swiftrip

----

ALDWIN
Current Quest(s): STOP BEING A FAGGOT. REWARD: Lily's Approval (?)

Status: Perfectly Healthy

Sneakiness: Not Very
Gold: 97

Inventory:
Trick Dagger
Real Dagger
BLACK Cloak [Lily's behest]
':3' face

Party:
Lily

====

Next time on Dorf Quest, Lily thinks Aldwin is ready to try a heist! Let's see how that goes.

>>3513729
*notices the trees spelling FAGS and elf corpses lying around with doorshield-inflicted head wounds*
...yup

>>3513807
You are awesome and should feel good about being so awesome

This thread has the MEGA DWARFTITS seal of approval!

>>3513700
bad news: it's not saving past original travel scene do not steal

>>3513867
That is obviously because it's respecting his copyright by not duplicating it.

Use massive arm to dig fort.

>>3513867
Well fuck.

AGE AGE AGE AGE.

Also, next one of these on Saturday, and am praying to Xom suptg revives before half this thread is lost. If you check the filenames, you will see I suck at organization.

>>3513807

Thanks gnome. Great thread.

Resubmitting theoretically makes it update.

Alright, its updated, everyone can go home now.