FUCK YEAH WE ARE. DANCE WHILE WALKING.

STOP FLOODING THE BOARD WITH THIS SERGAL CRAP

Question my own furriness.

>>3515948
You. Shut up. John could be a werewolf or something. Same thing. Actually can we have some bullshit thing to TURN her into a werewolf or something to stop this crap?

>>3515944
This.
DANCE MOTHERFUCKA DANCE

What is Joan looking at? Was it screwed into the wall previously? Have we already read it?

JOAN: Read notice.

>>3515944
CRITICAL DANCE FAILURE.

>>3515989
Have John give Joan dancing lessons. Goddamn. We will go through the rest of this campaign dancing or die trying.

>>3515989
McHammer slide! Nobody can fail at doing that!

>>3515989

You could use the dice roller for this sort of thing you know...

But anyway

JOAN: Pick up self
JOHN: Switch dance styles from Disco to Tango, take JOAN as dance partner, JOHN will lead.

This is not going to work if anyone responds to any reference to John's species in any way whatsoever. Let there be no mention beyond this post. Now back to the game.

Hammer slide!

Carefully walk down the hallway and look inside the blasted wreckage.

>>3515993
John refuses.
>>3515999
But John doesn't want to be in front!

>>3516039
Then do McHammer slide. You can't fail at it. Also feed John's ego and trick her into going in front.

I sure hope this doesn't end in a shitstorm

Check the goddamn crater already.

>>3516039
Hold out makeshift shield in front. Creep forwards. John creeps behind you, and you investigate the hallway.

=:Investigate Obvious Thing That Needs Investigating

>>3516039

Dammit, I shouldn't have deleted that post.

At least the have john be in front due to combatness is obvious.

Is there anyway that John can be somewhere but directly behind Joan?

Whatever, continue on.

Throw makeshift shield down in frustration. This isn't getting us anywhere!

Advance down the hallway, holding John's hand and walking side by side like courageous friends.

>>3516039

Investigate smoking wreckage left by Red's suicide...

Wait, am I thinking of the right CYA story?

At any rate, investigate the corridor and wreckage. JOAN can lead with her PROBABLY INEFFECTIVE SHIELD.

>>3516039
Would you mind quoting the actions? You know, like Weaver does.

>>3516049
NOT AS PLANNED.

>>3516111
INVESTIGATE THE CRATER JESUS CHRIST

>>3516111
Damn you Joan! Can we at least sing? Try singing a song. Sing Don't stop me now while following John McHammer sliding her way towards the smoke.

>>3516081
I can try, but THIS IS HARD WORK. Can I have some shoes?

>>3516111
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST GET ON WITH IT ALREADY. WE DON'T NEED MORE JOHN/JOAN REACTION IMAGES.

>>3516125

To be fair, I would expect most 14 year olds to be both children and live with their mothers.

Also, quick newbie 3.5 question /tg/. What are the knight class skills?

Thanks for inspiring all of this sergal bombing crap with your shitty CYOA, buddy!

It's just what /tg/ needed.

so at this point I'm thinking Joan's stats are
STR 4
CON 16
DEX 4
INT 8
WIS 4
CHA 8

>>3516145

None. There is no Knight class in 3.5

Nice try at a trick question.

JOAN: INVESITGATE WRECKAGE.

>>3516164
I think we have way lower strength. We couldn't even pull a trigger.

>>3516165
THERE IS TOO

THEY CAN MARK AND CHALLENGE AND SHIT

>>3516145
Fuck, it is spreading! Man the pumps!

>>3516184

Well shit man, if you allow stuff from splatbooks then it'll never end, you'll end up with a party of Shugenja, a Knife-Wizard who's crap at knifing and magic, some overpowered warrior class who exists for no reason at all and Jesus.

Stick to core 3.5= Fighter - Rogue - Wizard - Cleric - Druid - Barbarian - Ranger - MoWHY THE FUCK ARE WE HAVING THIS DISCUSSION HERE!?

JOAN & JOHN: QUIT LAMENTING YOUR LACK OF DANCE SKILLS, NOT EVERYONE OF US CAN DANCE, INVESTIGATE THE SMOKEY FLAVOUR WRECKAGE BEFORE I THROW MY HANDS IN THE FUCKING AIR AND USE THIS THREAD AS A PORN DUMP.

FUCK. I'M SO ANGRY AT THIS BOARD AND MYSELF I FORGOT HOW TO USE PUNCTUATION.

>>3516122
>>3516136
OVERUSE OF ANGERBARS MAY HAVE LAXATIVE EFFECTS.

You look over the blown-up wall. Something on the side of the vertical metal construct seems to have exploded inside the wall. There are bunches of wires and pipes, the ones near the apparent source of explosion being broken like a squad of guardsmen without a commissar.

>>3516124
You begin your attempt at singing, but John smacks you over the head until you shut up.

>>3516145
Looking pretty on a horse and running away from anything more dangerous than a malnourished and unarmed peasant.

>>3516240
Attempt to use available material to form awesome new hat.

>>3516240

Can we go through wall?

>>3516240

Joan: Is there any way use the opening to pass into the drywall, like that scene from the matrix where they try to escape the building that's had all of it's windows reprogammed into brick walls? Only with less Lawrence Fishborne getting whomped by a cybernetic Hugo Weaving.

John: LOOK BEHIND YOU. What's down that corridor that isn't exploded?

>>3516248
No suitable hat-material found. John presents you with scientific proof.

>>3516314
Climb on John's shoulders and slide down blown up wall.

Can John jump high enough to climb on the wall and slide down it too? If so do it.

>>3516326
There is no room for wallslides. The space is only as wide as two fists and terminates both at the ceiling and floor level.

>>3516341
>>3516314

Look down intact hallway.

>>3516341

JOHN & JOAN: Continue to explore this floor. What's behind us?

>>3516341
Have John jump up and grab edge of wall. Then have John BRING DOWN THE MOTHERFUCKING WALL. FUCK YEAH.

>>3516303
>>What's down that corridor that isn't exploded?

Can we get a better look at it from Joan's POV?

I support >>3516354
Bring down the wall, man.

>>3516361

It's crying!

Have John hug it.

>>3516377
John isn't crying. It's just a small picture.

>>3516371
Just make sure Joan is keeping a reasonable distance from the wall, just in case it's more damaged than they think, and looking in the other direction so they don't get caught off guard.

>>3516361
It curves, eh? I think I can see where this is going. But just in case have John growl or something.

GO DOWN CORRIDOR.

Ah, delete posts, it's John, and she's not crying.

Have them do the tear down wall thing.

>>3516361
Prepare ANGERBARS in case angry adrenaline is needed.

IMPORTANT NOTE:

WE DROPPED OUR SHEILD

WE MUST GO BACK FOR IT

The wall taunts you and John by virtue of being strong concrete. The wall brings John down and not even in Soviet Russia, so John stops trying to kill a passive wall.

The curved corridor ends abruptly after making a 180-degree turn.

>>3516458
Enter Blue Oysters place.

Go back and get our unwieldy and likely useless shield!

ANY PROTECTION IS SOME PROTECTION, JOAN! GET YOUR SHIELD!

>>3516458
Have John crawl up that vent and do some recon.

>>3516458
I fucking love Blue Oyster Cult!

For that reason alone, open relevant door and enter!

>>3516494
Enter Blue Oyster bar while signing "Cars"

But first go get that elevator hatch thing you dropped.

>>3516469
>>Enter Blue Oysters place.
You feel a cold breeze as you enter the room. The room seems to be missing objects, as indicated by a multitude of barely visible scrapes and discolorations.

Agreed, get the hatch, stay behind John, and enter Blue Oyster.

>>3516525
Pick up table, use a shield/ram.

What can Joan see beyond the hole in the wall?

Hug JOHN

Read NOTEBOOK

>>3516525

Check surroundings, look at severed hand, maybe that piece of paper on the floor.
Resist urge to turn hand into godawful smoothie.

Get the hand before John can eat it.

Say you won't give it up before she explains some things, like why she raped you.

>>3516570
We already know why, we headbutted her.

>>3516531
>>Pick up table, use a shield/ram.
It is too heavy!

John refuses to contribute.

>>3516573
Surprisingly she underacted. We SHOULD have been killed.

>>3516585
RAPE HIS VALUE OUT OF HIM

>>3516585
Investigate OUTSIDE

>>3516585
Have John pick it up and use it as shield/ram. Also examine that thing to Joan's right.

>>3516585

I would be angry at John, but the table plan is a bad one.

Go through gaping hole in wall.

Check room temperature using Joan's nipples

>>3516585
check the crappy looking hatch thing in the floor.
slap John upside the face for being an unhelpful git.

You grab the hand for inspection barely in time. John thinks inspections are useless and boring.

The hand is a regular man-hand, normal in all ways except that it is unconnected to an arm and throught that arm to a person. The hand is quite cold. There are no decorative elements on the hand.
The blood trail indicates that the hand has traveled atleast half the width of the room.

Investigate OUTSIDE

>>3516658
Leave the Oyster and attempt to use hand on the metal door with the weird scan thingy.

>>3516673
Do this, then give John the hand. She's hungry.

what'd I miss and what is that girl wearing under those overalls

sage for draw chat

get a draw chatroom

>>3516717
Check suptg archives and she is wearing ductape under those. Yeah. Complicated story behind that. We used to have a hat too.

>>3516717
Lurk more, faggot.

The visibility outside is not ideal. There is a thick mist and the sky is entirely covered by clouds.
There seems to be a city up ahead, but you can see no movement or light. The only sound you hear is the wind.

>>3516741
So... we seem to be in a post-apocalyptic area but not caused by a disaster like a nuke as building are fine. Most likely zombies. Shout at the top of your voice, have John do the same.

>>3516741
...

Pose dramatically, because shit just got real.

Or... you know... look sadly out and realize that save for the sergal behind you, you're all alone.

Hug John to ease some of the feeling of loneliness.

>>3516741
You are also REALLY HIGH. The height combined with the mist hiding the ground makes it impossible to determine how far up you are.

>>3516770
Don't do that, the zombies will here us!
Go back, use hand on scanner, feed hand to John, explore SEC II room. Be on the lookout for zombies, aliens, or abominations against nature.

Hug John to ease feeling of loneliness.

That said, guys, this has always been post-apocalyptic. Remember the flashbacks of Mom?

I wonder where she is now...

...

Miss mother, hug John again. Cry a bit.

>>3516818
That looked more like "Hey, there are randomly zombies around, kind of like murderous pigeons or something" than "OH GOD THE ZOMBIES!"

>>3516835
I think that was more due to the fact that our mom is awesome.

The hand crawled away you fuckers.

IT CRAWLED.

ZOMBIE HAND.

DO NOT EAT ZOMBIE HAND.

>>3516585

I THINK WE'RE GETTING RAILROADED
I THINK WE'RE GETTING RAILROADED
I THINK WE'RE GETTING RAILROADED
I THINK WE'RE GETTING RAILROADED
I THINK WE'RE GETTING RAILROADED
I THINK WE'RE GETTING RAILROADED
I THINK WE'RE GETTING RAILROADED
I THINK WE'RE GETTING RAILROADED
I THINK WE'RE GETTING RAILROADED
I THINK WE'RE GETTING RAILROADED
I THINK WE'RE GETTING RAILROADED

>>3516860
Weaver? Is that you shitposting in someone else's shitty draw chat thread?

>>3516846
EAT ZOMBIE HAND.

BECOME IMMUNE TO ZOMBITIS.

>>3516860
Not... really... Joan being incredibly weak has been an established fact for AGES. Have you seen the stupid shit we've been saying? The dancing? Or when the trolls get in and SDF has to draw something to get rid of them?

>>3516738
>Lurk more faggot

You lurk on /tg/ for several hours. You then realize lurking will do nothing to inform you of day-old threads that occured when you were at work and out with friends. Your advice must have been given to you by some sort of idiot!

Also you are raped by a sergal.

Holding the hand in your hands you head for the door. John is waiting eagerly in the corridor.

You feel quite demoralized.

>>3516872
After all, Joan has -10 Strength. It was doomed to fail before we tried. We need a new hat, though.

PUT HAND ON HEAD.

>>3516888
Inspect that thing next to the table. Do it!

Open floor hatch.

Throw hand out hole.

>>Inspect that thing next to the table.
It is a magazine, covered in light brown paper. The magazine contains photographic material not suitable for persons under the age of 18 and you are quite certain that it is too big and should NOT go THERE.

You barely notice a bump in the paper, as if an object was located in between pages of immoral activities.

Investigate bump.

Give magazine to John.

>>3516988
LET US SEE THE PORN

Why aren't we hugging John?

Though after giving John the porno is NOT a good time to hug john...

>>3516988

Take the hand off of your head, put in your pocket. It will come in handy later I am sure.

Read paper, perhaps it is less mentally traumatizing than pictures of buttsex.

>>3517036
It's likely the same gay porno as MS Paint Masterpieces.

HUG JOHN FOR HIGHER MORALE

Sage!

>>Investigate bump.
>>Give magazine to John.
You find a keycard of sorts. John doesn't rate the magazine very high.

>>LET US SEE THE PORN
That would be IMMORAL.

>>3516988
Return to HALLWAY
Exmaine LETTERING above BLUE OYSTER DOOR
Examine STEEL DOOR
Examine DARK RECTANGLE above STEEL DOOR
Examine BLUE THING next to STEEL DOOR
Examine SEC II DOOR and RED DOORKNOB

>>3517109
Does keycard have picture? If so look at picture.

>>3517105

Counter Age!

Read paper. Leave room. Try other rooms.

>>3517128
There is no picture on the keycard.

Pocket keycard. Return to hallway. Try other door.

>>3517138
Do we or John recognize the name on the keycard?

>>3517109
If Vasquez didn't make it... game over man, game over.

Is there a hatch or door on the floor of that room? Inspect.

Is the keycard.... MULTIPASS?

>>Do we or John recognize the name on the keycard?
You don't. John is entirely preoccupied with mucking about and doesn't answer you.

>>3517306
Check blue light and red doorknob to see if either is a card reader and/or hand scanner. If so, use card and/or hand to get access.

>>3517306
Try the hand and keycard on both the metal door and the SEC II door.

Also, did the magazine have anything about a date or time?

The metal door seems to have a scanner with a display, while the SEC II door has a keycard-sized slot under the handle, which would appear to have a fingerprint scanner.

>>3517417
Use hand and keycard on SEC II door.

>>3517417
Do the obvious. Severed hand on fingerprint scanner, keycard in the keycard-door.

>>3517306
OI! STOP MUCKIN ABOUT YA GIT!
KRUMP DAT DOOR LOIK A PROPA ORK!
WAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

>>Use hand and keycard on SEC II door.
You hear a raspy bleep and a click. The light on the handle changes color.

>>3517474
Have John enter door first. Follow her.

>>Have John enter door first. Follow her.
You enter the room behind John. There is a desk with two monitors, a keyboard and a mouse on it. The wall to your right doesn't match with the rest of the room.
There seems to be a cabinet missing from the desk wall, indicated by a discoloration in a regular shape and ripped-out boltholes.
There is a safe on the left wall.

>>3517588
Turn on the computer

Browse on the internet lurk on 4chan.

Post in this thread.

>>3517588
Lick that bulge in a sensual manner.

>>3517588
Turn on computer.

Rub John's belly next time she mucks about like that, that was cute.

>>3517608

Hey! no recursing!

JOAN: Crack SAFE... oh wait, were out of lockpicks.

well, in that case

JOAN: Check Bin for items and Plot related memo's, then turn on the computer.

JOHN: Use you mary-sue grade heightened senses that all furries posess to crack the safe.

>>Turn on the computer
You try the monitors, but while the power light turns on, the screens remain black. The keyboard and mouse have no effect.

John sits at the door admiring the sights.

Check desk drawers.

>>3517700
Go through the secret door beside the desks.

Check to see if the computer's plugged in and hooked up properly.

>>3517700
check the drawer on the far right, the tall one. It looks like it's shaped for a tower case or something big.

>>3517700
Call Tech-Support.

>>Check desk drawers.
The top left drawer.

Awesome a CD! Let's find a way to play it, that'll buff our MC Hammer dance.

The middle left drawer.

Give John the knife and the condom

>>3517832
make balloon!!
let john play with it!

>>3517812

Ok, right from the start this looks like a fa/tg/uy's room.

I think Joan should be thankful that the moniter hasn't turned on, amirite? Who knows what kind of shit's on there? Probably worse than that magazine.

Bottom left drawer.

>>3517832

see >>3517867

If this were a fa/tg/uy's room, they must be one lucky fa/tg/uy, or just have high hopes.

Put the hook in our eyebrow and use the knife to chop our hair. It's a post-apocalyptic world, we have to look punk.

>>3517879

Other way around. Had the links mixed up. My bad.

Take all the stuff from the drawers.

Take everything then show inven

Take contents of drawers. Examine sawblade-like thing and CD. Continue to inspect other drawers/doors of desk.

>>3517863
>>3517864
This

Though knowing John, she'll try to bite the knife and then throw it away.

>>Put the hook in our eyebrow and use the knife to chop our hair.
You feel less punk than you expected.

>>Take all the stuff from the drawers.
>>Take everything then show invenTORY
You have:
1 revolver with five cartridges
1 ElektroSappah 1000
1 cigaretteholder
14 cigarettes
1 picture of Engy and Spah
1 picture of Daddy and Robutt
2 bags of Trollhams
1 bag of Frost Soviets
2 ANGERBARS
1 engraved mug
1 hand
1 keycard
1 lighter
1 key
1 CD
1 knife
1 condom
1 hook
1 bar of soap
1 circular saw blade with fireworks welded onto it

>>3518003

All right, a bar of soap.

Drop it, tell John to pick it up.

Take the hook out of youy eyebrow. We don't need a dammned blood infection.

use the hook in her eyebrow to hold the condom

>>3518023

Dude, Joan developed breasts in less then a day.

She can take a blood infection.

>>3518003

>>3518023 this, then examine the strange wall on the right.

>>3518025
Ignore this.

Do this >>3518023.

>>3518032

This isn't Dorfquest. Joan needs to be careful with these matters.

>>3518043

That doesn't negate my point.

If we are stupid enough to priece our own eyebrow, we are stupid enough to leave it in.

>>3518072

He does have a point, once you pierce the flesh with a metal object, you open yourself up to diseases. And leaving it in would stop too much blood from flowing out. But it looks like it's 3 against one on this one, so it's up to SDF.

>>All right, a bar of soap. Drop it, tell John to pick it up.
HOW DOES A JOHN KNOW WHAT A SOAPS IS? John isn't interested in picking up the soap. She's busy conducting scientific tests.
>>Take the hook out of youy eyebrow.
You take the hook off, wipe it and put it in your pocket.

Search the garbage can, See if the key works on the wall safe, Examine the wall.

>>3518107
ugh, this image immediately brings to mind that awful taste of soap.

>>3518125
You now taste soap in your mouth. MANUALLY.

>>3518121

In addition, it appears a desk chair is stuck in the strange substance blocking the right side of the room. Have John pull it out and show her how to spin around in it.

Try placing the disk in the computer, and booting from it.

>>3518137
I know. Ivory soap specifically. guh.

Examine the wall with the chair stuck in it, what's it made of?

>>Search the garbage can
It is empty and BOLTED TO THE FLOOR! There are two pieces of crumbled paper outside the bin, however.
>>See if the key works on the wall safe
There is no keyhole on the safe.

>>3518182
Look at paper.

>>Examine the wall.
The wall feels like a lot of things. Part of it is smooth like plastic and part of it is rough like concrete. Part of it is cold like metal and part of it is soft.
The only way you could describe what it looks like is a stalactite, as if something had molten and dripped down the wall - except that it would be the wall itself that had done so!

The way the chair sits in the stuff indicates that someone must've put the chair there intentionally, but for what purpose, you cannot fathom...

>>3518265
Probably to keep the bugs in the other side.

See if you can find out why the computers don't work.

>>Look at paperS.
You uncrumble the papers.

>>3518307

Try the combo on the safe!

>>3518307
Open the safe while getting John to check the vent.

>>3518307
the second one is probably the lock combination, try it.

Use the combination to open the safe. Be ready for a cat to jump out.

>>3518307
try the combo on the door keypad if the safe doesn't open

>>Try the combo on the safe!
You combine the safe with the numbers. The safe opens with a muffled click.

>>3518383
Don't open it fully, just peak in.

I can't help but notice someone Joan is somewhat similar too.

>>3518383
Check contents of safe, obviously

Search safe.

>>3518383

Check safe, then go examine the wall next to the desk, where those weird markings are.

In the safe you find a WHOA

>>3518433

OH SHI- BLARGH!

Stab it with the knife? A couple of times?

>>3518433

Headcrab! Call John!

Devour the headcrab while it is still surprised!

Attack with knife. Failing that, get John to kill it. Are headcrabs edible?

>>3518433

EAT ITS HEART

ADVICEDOG.JPG

WEAR ITS SKIN

>>3518433

Bet Joan wishes she kept the heavy lid now, huh?

>>3518433
BACK PEDDLE
PUT JOHN BETWEEN MYSELF AND THE THING
LOAD REVOLVER AND PREPARE TO FIRE AT IT

>>3518466

That's just asking for a John zombie.

do nothing
receive face full of alien wing-wong

Wear headcrab as cool new hat!

>>3518433

DEAR JESUS CHRIST A HEADCRAB KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT

Stab headcrab with the knife.

>>3518466

Joan is incapable of pulling the revolver's trigger. Actually, it probably would be easir to fire singe-action if we cocked the hammer first.

>>Stab it with the knife
You manage to bring out the knife just in time to deflect the attacking headcrab!

>>3518519
Feeed it to the Sergal

>>3518519

Ask John for assistence. Do so while flailing the knife around in the headcrabs general area.

>>3518519
Kill it then use it as a hat

Stab John.

>>3518581

I vote for using it as a hat, too! After you or John kills it of course.

Shoot the headcrab! Shoot it!

John kicks the headcrab.

>>3518584

No! ;_;

>>3518613
Put on head, keep as hat? Is there any of it left to wear?

>>Put on head, keep as hat? Is there any of it left to wear?
WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?

Our hero John!

That said, we really need a hat.

Discard headcrab hat, Take the Colt .45 and the box of ammo from the safe, Check the .45 to see if it's loaded. If not, load the magazine with ammo from the box.

>>3518688

Take that off your head and throw it away.

Offer John the hat.

At least our hair is dyed with headcrab guts.

This doesn't seem to be a good place for hats.

Perhaps we should attempt to find a hat store at some point in the near future.

>>3518688

Give hat to John, take gun and ammo, load gun if not loaded, then check the wall next to the desk.

still need to try booting computer from CD

We should probably yump thread and archive this stuff.

>>3518776
Already done.

Continued in >>3518820