Goddammit.

>>3530997
Thing is the Dorfs in there would think that nothing is wrong

>>3531008
more like Toady set the temperature stats for the steel wrong so it burns at room temperature, but a bug prevents it from taking damage.
Wont be fixed for another few versions either as he's too busy making it so that dorfs have shoelaces in a variety of colours.

>>3531034
Then the Fandom demands it stay as a bug. Just like UberCarp

On the wall is a masterfully engraved image of a train and a car, The train is laughing, The car is in the fetal position.

*digging on train is not advised*

>>3531044
Hate to break it to you, but that's what's left of a tractor, not a car...

>>3531056

THAT'S WHAT THE RAIL CONSTRUCTION DORFCREW IS FOR

FUCK GOBLIN TRAIN ROBBERS DON'T LET THEM GET TO THE CARGO COMPARTMENT

I can just see it, You're busy doing stuff and a dwarf wanders onto the train tracks and is promptly hit by a train, Half the fortress then rushes to retrieve his clothing and are killed by the 4:10 Southbound.

ARARAGH FUCKING CUNT ELF PASSENGERS GET OFF MY TRAIN

>>3531079
The Tracks are all bloody and then one train Derails beacuse of the Ensuing Tantrum and its raining chunks of dwarf everywhere!

>>3531093
Conductor get a Fae Mood?

>>3531079
The other half of the fortress is chasing the 4:10 Southbound which has crushed dwarves and their belongings plastered all over its bumper.

>>3531079
That made my day.

You are now imagining the ticket inspector getting a fell mood when the train is going through long stretch of underwater tunnels.

>>3531141
WE CAN'T STOP HERE! THIS IS CARP COUNTRY!

>>3531079
>>3531097
>>3531114

THAT'S IT!
Someone gotta petition toady to add Minecarts in.

>>3530997
Sankis' first day on the job

>>3531145

Carp bumping against the clear glass windows and making the passengers tantrum one by one and eventually one of them breaks a window...

>>3531168

Meanwhile, the onboard mechanics are having a party in the passenger room near a caged ettin.

WHY WE CAN'T STOP HERE

Instead of nobles you've got rich people.

"TATHUNZ KEZZMA, RAIL BARON has issued a mandate: There is to be no production of commuter cars!"

GODDAMN METRODWARF.

>>3531199
And everybody is tantruming because a cow wandered onto the tracks.

Holy fuck

I want Toady to add trains and rails now.

And all the OCD programming that would come with it.

Catbone rails with obisidan trains powered by steam (On board magma/water storage tanks)

If he'd hurry up and get liquid physics in so things could float, you could make magma rails and obsidian cars.

>>3531565
I want it to get to the level where the Dorfs end up coming up with their own programming languages and creating their own games. I want dwarf fortress being made by one particularly autistic-seeming dorf.

That and maybe kick starting the technological singularity by the entities in the program achieving high enough complexity to become sentient but hey, dorfs with computers.

You can make dwarves play Tic Tac Toe.

You lock two dwarves in two separate towers. Each tower will have huge food and alcohol stockpiles and nine dining rooms of equal value. You use an alternating switch such that when one dwarf enters a dining room the other is ejected from and locked out of his via drawbridges.

Each dining room corresponds to a 3x3 or 5x5 square elsewhere filled with floodgates rigged to trigger in an X or O pattern, tied to a pressure plate the dwarf can't avoid touching if they enter the room. This pressure plate will also start a water-timer. Once this timer expires, the dwarf is ejected, again using the drawbridge-chain method, and the room is locked until the timer is re-primed, as is the corresponding dining room in the alternate tower.

In this way, the dwarves must take turns and choose a square that is not actually taken.

You have a final dwarf serve as judge with two levers and a stockpile of food and beer. When one dwarf wins, you have him pull the lever that floods the other's chambers.

This will only require about a hundred perfectly-timed mechanisms.

But the game supports it as possible.

>>3531702
Dude, DWARVEN LOG FLUMES.

HIT THE EMERGENCY BRAKE YOU STUPID TANTRUMING BASTARD THERE'S A GODDAMN BRONZE COLOSSUS ON THE TRACKS OH FUCK IT SAW US

*complicated toady implemented physics and physical dorf trauma ensues based on trajectory, material and speed of train cabins, as well as terrain on impact zone and calculated damage from high-speed severed colossus limbs*

>>3531992
>magma log flume
>magma flume
>kills everything it touches
>delicious alcohol

It is morning.

A cold, grey morning.

When the industrial age urban dorfs go to their places of toil.

The only way is a train.

A dorf train.

Your train.

You are the invisible hand that guides the raildorfs and their one mission: To make sure that dorfs will get to work and home.

Even if it means half the cabins have to be severed to give the train enough speed to escape from dragons. That always happens.

There will be robberies.

There will be rage.

And of course, there will be accidents.

In the world of the raildorf, death is an old friend, madness a privilege.

Welcome to Dorf Railroad Tycoon.

STRIKE THE RAILS!

>>3532393

*menu screen where camina burana plays while a slideshow of manly raildorf sacrifices, aftermaths of horrific dorftrain crashes and heroic one-raildorf feats of legend go by*

Toady would program it so that each dwarf has a specific train schedule that he or she must ride on or else they have the mother of all tantrums.

THE MAYOR OF A RICH DORF FORTRESS HAS PAID YOU HANDSOMELY TO BUILD A PRIVATE RAILROAD FROM THE HILLY TRADING TOWNS TO THE DARK DEPTHS OF HIS FORTRESS'S ADAMANTINE SEAMS.

HOW MANY RAILDORF LIVES WILL YOU RISK FOR YOUR BLOOD STAINED GOLD

WILL YOU TRIUMPH IN THE FACE OF MAGMA AND MAGMAMEN, AND MADNESS

WILL THE LINE EVEN BE SAFE FROM BANDITS WHEN THE PRECIOUS ADAMANTITE GETS TO THE SURFACE

Let's find out.

>>3532426

And their favorite seat.

That also doesn't have vomit on it.

HOP THE RAILS TO RAM A SKELETAL MACAQUE

>>3532441
Two dwarves with the same randomly-generated schedule and the same randomly-chosen favorite seat?

I'm guessing that there'd be a brawl, body parts would fly everywhere and start a chain reaction tantrum that would destroy your entire civilization.

I'm surprised nobody's posted this yet.

>>3532450

That's called damn fine gameplay.

>>3532443

inb4 skeleram

>>3532458
This could potentially kill hundreds of dwarves.

>>3532468
Making it all the more likely that the little bastards will adopt it as standard operating procedure. Especially over magma.

>>3532468

TRAIN ENGINEER'S IN A FEY MOOD AND WANTS TO ATTEMPT EMERGENCY MANEUVERS. YOU CANNOT STOP THIS.

>>3532458

I can only imagine this represented in ASCII as a bunch of smiley faces in a big box made of equal signs on two separate rails speeding by faster than I can track with my arrow keys.

>>3532479

sorry fella, but it's going to be hard to top the pic in the op.

This thread is great and you should all feel great.

>>3532494

simply implement a button to stop and start the simulation and another to progressively slow down and speed it back up to normal speed

>>3532494
And then slamming into a mountain.

And then fire. Everywhere.

Forever.

>>3532465

SKELERAM!

Newfags won't get this

>>3532528
Newfags remind me of the Dark Tower.

Won't get this.

You are now pondering the idea of zombie trains. Manually.

>>3532535
I can only imagine it slamming into your fortress's station, exploding and disgorging its undead cargo like so many rats escaping a sinking ship.

ULTRHIST RAILBEARD CANCELS TASK: OPERATE TRAIN

INTERRUPTED BY RHESUS MACAQUE.

>>3532566
>ULTRHIST RAILBEARD HAS DIED
>BEARDAXE BEARDFIST HAS DIED
>FISTYBEARD BEARDYFIST HAS DIED
And so on ad infinitum.

So this is like dorf fortress except hard mode

>>3532616
If by hard mode, you mean "hilariously dumb fortress deaths" then yes.

URIST TANTRUMBEARD HAS COLLAPSED A TRAINMAKER'S WORKSHOP

URIST TANTRUMBEARD HAS CALMED DOWN

URIST TRAINBEARD CANCELS BUILD TRAIN: RESTING INJURY

A tank car full of booze has overturned and flooded half of your fortress with ale.

>>3532655
UNBELIEVABLY AWESOME.

>>3532670

ALE WITH DEAD DORFS FLOATING IN IT

>>3532681
Do you really think that's going to stop them from drinking it?

>>3532689

MIASMA

>>3532587
Even more so once all the other dorfs drop what they're doing to grab the victims' shoes.

Even the ones running the other trains.

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/4/20090127/tuk-freight-train-ablaze-after-crash-dba1618.html

Dammit dorfs!

>>3532689
Reminds me of beer fest with the one guy drowning while still drinking.

no way, i'd much rather have...

HAUL TYCOON!!!!

haul stone from the quarry to the mason's workshop. Haul masonry from mason's workshop to bedrooms/dining rooms. Haul plump helmets from the fields to the kitchen or brewery. Haul stonecrafts from the craftsworkshop to the trade depot! THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS!

TICK-ETS PLEASE!

>>3532717
Which leads to more shoes on the track

>>3532890
I BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH MY BARE FISTS MULTIPLE TIMES. I DON'T KNOW HOW. ARE YOU MADE OF FOIL?