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  • File :1235443841.jpg-(428 KB, 777x1000, 02-23-09 thedeathofjohnfuklaw-cover.jpg)
    428 KB The Life and Death of John Fuklaw Anonymous 02/23/09(Mon)21:50 No.3801572  
    "Time forgets the insignificant.”

    “But our God remembers even the smallest of lives.”

    The words repeated, urging him to his feet. Yet, his body failed him. It was difficult to think clearly. His vision waned and drifted, dimly lit colors bleeding into one another. He was numb. His ears rang. Sensation was limited to the warmth of his own blood pooling below him, soaking into his clothes, caking with the dirt upon his flesh.

    It took a moment to recall where he was, and for what reason he was dying upon unknown earth. His eyes flung open, offering only as much clarity as his age warranted. His body ached, not only from his injuries, but also from the rigors of years of service in war. He was old, and had been dying long before this day. He afforded himself scant seconds to breath, burning air filling his lungs. He screamed from the pain, his crippled body writhing into his own muddied blood.
    >> Anonymous 02/23/09(Mon)21:52 No.3801592

    >Part 1:

    >Part 2:

    Sorry for just the intro, but the freaking thing is sixteen thousand words, exactly. (It only took a couple days. I just write quickly.)

    I wasn't going to even post it here, but I thought a couple people might enjoy it.
    >> 02/23/09(Mon)21:57 No.3801634
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    Fuklaw is... dead?
    >> Eldrad, Actually a ZOMBY GOAST !!srlFJqQzH9+ 02/23/09(Mon)22:03 No.3801694

    Not dead. Just retired.
    >> Anonymous 02/23/09(Mon)22:06 No.3801713
    how dare you retire John Fuklaw you you.... *tears*
    >> Anonymous 02/23/09(Mon)22:10 No.3801743
    Didn't take long for THAT to be spoiled.
    >> 02/23/09(Mon)22:10 No.3801746
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    ...Whats the difference?
    >> Anonymous 02/23/09(Mon)22:13 No.3801772

    >Not dead. Just retired.

    This is /tg/. If we don't like what someone does with their characters, we just ignore them, make something else up instead, and keep on using them.
    >> Anonymous 02/23/09(Mon)22:14 No.3801779
    Good luck drawing new content! Bwahaha
    >> Anonymous 02/23/09(Mon)22:16 No.3801795
    Whatever happened to that drawfag who did the "Xenos love?" and Fuklaw Manly Tears picture?

    Does he have a gallery or what?
    >> Anonymous 02/23/09(Mon)22:17 No.3801807
    You mean the first appearance of Fuklaw, with him punching through a xenomorph? And the letter from home thing?

    Same guy. They're there.
    >> Anonymous 02/23/09(Mon)22:21 No.3801835
    I want moar Raege.
    >> Anonymous 02/23/09(Mon)23:06 No.3802187
    Bumping for win.
    >> Anonymous 02/23/09(Mon)23:07 No.3802197
    Goddammit Gannadene. Go back to drawing funny comics this serious shit is boring.
    >> Anonymous 02/23/09(Mon)23:10 No.3802225
    Raege needs a hug
    >> Conscript Narl Haxtes 02/23/09(Mon)23:13 No.3802259
    rolled 99 = 99

    Toughness check to hold back manly tears.
    Voluntary fail.
    >> Anonymous 02/23/09(Mon)23:14 No.3802264
    Ork-related thing soon.
    >> Anonymous 02/23/09(Mon)23:19 No.3802313
    >rolled 99 = 99

    >> Anonymous 02/23/09(Mon)23:28 No.3802436
    >> Conscript Narl Haxtes 02/23/09(Mon)23:38 No.3802531
    *Stands at attention, saluting*
    >> Anonymous 02/23/09(Mon)23:43 No.3802573
         File :1235450635.jpg-(193 KB, 750x710, fuklawpissingonafarseer.jpg)
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    >> Anonymous 02/23/09(Mon)23:46 No.3802599
    Wow. That was awesome.
    >> Anonymous 02/23/09(Mon)23:46 No.3802606
    Next week:

    "The Tedium and Pointlessness of Retirement!"
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)00:14 No.3802747
    I prefer gold and black with a small amount of red detail on the Angry Marines. Makes them look less like Imperial Fist, and even less like McDonald's spokesmen.
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)00:23 No.3802811

    Raege needs a good fuck-LAW.

    Oh, I am so witty.
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)00:35 No.3802906
    Surprised no one mentioned the Angry Marine symbol.
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)01:27 No.3803188
    Too goddamn right.
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)01:42 No.3803288
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)01:51 No.3803344

    Just wow.

    I'm supposed to be reading a book for my exam tomorrow, but I seriously stopped for two hours just to read this.

    Well done, OP. May this go down in /tg/'s history as an exceptionally epic piece of writefaggotry.
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)02:15 No.3803514
    Happy to distract you from things that might actually help your future!

    Take THAT, foresight! You queer!
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)02:18 No.3803541
    This is pretty good.
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)03:40 No.3804166
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)03:42 No.3804186
    Who gives a damn?
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)03:53 No.3804288
    Ohhhh, you got 'em good, yessiree!
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)04:52 No.3804681
    Fuklaw could join Raege's crew, couldn't he?
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)04:57 No.3804707
    Raege is a cheap knockoff of Fuklaw.
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)04:59 No.3804720
    More like a cheap... knockers... off.

    She has tits.

    That's what I'm getting at.
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)05:00 No.3804726

    Your attempt at humor was a bust.
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)05:01 No.3804741

    I see what you did there.
    >> Commissar Fuklaw 02/24/09(Tue)05:08 No.3804782
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    Retirement sucks.
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)05:12 No.3804804
    Holy crap, that was amazing. Took a 1D character like Fuklaw and made me care deeply about a now developed man. I salute you good sir
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)05:13 No.3804812
    You could say the appreciation he had for his own joke was... over-inflated?

    Like... like boobs. Because...

    Just forget it.
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)05:15 No.3804828
    Hey, there's lots of things you can do now.

    Like... like cards. And the internet.

    Yes. The internet.

    ....Look at what you've become.
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)05:16 No.3804839
    Now who looks like the boob here?

    Both of you.

    A pair of boobs.

    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)05:23 No.3804881
    You've PERKED my interest.

    But my resolve is FIRM.

    I shall not give in to your SUPPLE hints.

    And my... fun bags are tittyriffic.
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)05:23 No.3804887
    you...you...DOUBLE ELDAR.
    >> Commissar Fuklaw 02/24/09(Tue)05:31 No.3804947
    Actually I've picked up golf.

    Sort of a way for me to learn to relax, focus, and channel my energy into something other than shooting people.
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)05:35 No.3804978

    Yeah, that's a relaxing game...
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)05:38 No.3804997
    I lol'd
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)05:42 No.3805018
    Also, I've found now that I'm not always at the range with my pistol, I have time to learn other shots.

    Like my mid-range jumper and corner 3.

    I heard about this man named Larryn Birdus who was apparently very skilled at both, and I wish to one day approach his fame and skill.
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)06:03 No.3805141
    Do they even play basketball in 40k?

    I can't imagine how horrible substance abuse would be in a 40k sports setting.
    >> PointMan !!sjoCtjmIoEU 02/24/09(Tue)06:13 No.3805205
    I've always liked how people develop their own characters and a canon to go with them. I'm presently surprised to see a seemingly one-note joke character like fuklaw would be fleshed out in such a manner.
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)06:17 No.3805231
    Space Marine linebackers.
    Tau Quarterback
    Eldar Wide Receiver
    Ork defensive tackle
    Necron "special" teams
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)06:18 No.3805235
    It seems to have been done with most characters.

    ...Now what about Faptau's tragic past?
    >> PointMan !!sjoCtjmIoEU 02/24/09(Tue)06:22 No.3805256
    From what i remember, he was killed in the aftermath of that valentine rp party a year ago. But his penis had a +1 armor save for some reason, and no i'm not joking when i say that either.
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)06:24 No.3805270
    So his penis remained?

    Gentlemen... we can rebuild him.
    >> PointMan !!sjoCtjmIoEU 02/24/09(Tue)06:26 No.3805280
    Actually, someone mentioned in the aforementioned thread that said penises armor save protected him. I like your idea better though.
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)06:48 No.3805373
    Who's next on the realistic canon multi-dimensional character buff train?

    Lolcron? (No real personal, non-LCB canon?)

    Dranon? (Has a past he doesn't want anyone to know about, apparently.)

    Cultist? (She doesn't even have a name. And her highschool setting obviously doesn't fit in the universe. She could be made into an actual character.)

    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)06:53 No.3805394
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    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)06:54 No.3805403

    Why the fuck is a fucking thread on an OLD SHITTY FANFIC KISS MY ASS ITS NOT EVEN DONE FUCKING FAGGOTS getting more replies than this fucking good thread with potential for some epic win. God fucking damn it.

    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)06:57 No.3805417
    It would help to spell correctly first?
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)06:57 No.3805424
    Screw you! You... You...!
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)06:59 No.3805427
    Alright fuck you.

    lolcron is a necron lord, but he seems to have a lot of memories and be friends with Jeanstealer- maybe he could be the first attempt by c'tan to infiltrate the tyranids?
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)06:59 No.3805428

    You know, people say this sort of stuff here when it was actually just one person who got something done.

    Stop being a fucking faggot and actually get something done for once yourself you stupid asshole. Or at the least, shut the fuck up.
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)07:02 No.3805443
    Jeanstealer: a tyranid that has developed a personality and gender identity and begins to befriend children, only to have things go horribly awry.
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)07:03 No.3805447
    This involve delicious straight shota rape?
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)07:05 No.3805452
    >“They… probably think you’re afraid to land,” Fuklaw smiled. “Waiting for the Guard to clear you a path.”

    >“Like hell we are!” another Marine shouted.

    >“I can just see them saying that!” another bellowed, his hands shaking into the air.

    >“Those little fucks! Now I’m pissed!”

    Good to see the parody version of the Angry Marines made it in a couple times. Like this:

    >They emerged from the crowd, and a stray shell clipped the edge of a Marines’ pauldron, exploding on impact. He fell, unconscious. His fellow soldiers balked before the fallen body, seething in rage. Their lot rarely injured, and scarcely ever died. The thought of the traitorous hands of their enemies having felled a brother in thanks to cowardly tactics pushed them over the edge.

    >“You’ll die cowards’ deaths!” one declared.

    >“I’ll feed you your own fucking anuses!” another exclaimed.
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)07:05 No.3805455
    I support this.

    Why is the idea of Jeanstealer 34 so appealing.
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)07:11 No.3805474
    Ah yes. The twelve year old marines are in fine form today.
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)07:17 No.3805501
    >He did not truly lead them. A Commissar held no authority over a Marine. Certainly, he was capable of directing their wrath; manipulation – now leadership – was one of his greatest talents. This was not the greatest amongst his abilities, however, as he would soon prove. It was the reminder of his insignificance that truly shaped them.

    >This small, mortal man, they realized, who fought alongside immortals, possessed greater spirit than any of them. He equaled their anger and challenged their worth on the battlefield, despite his mortality. Despite his flaws of body, his flaws of character shone brightest, amidst both of their infamy. Even now, dying within their vessel, silent, he inspired them.

    >“Old man,” they jokingly called him. In truth, he was a child in comparison, in their eyes. Witnessing his slow death over the past years was enough to drive them, if they should ever fail. Beholding his death, this day, enraged them. This child amongst them would die standing, vigilant for the fight, still waging the war. What had they accomplished in comparison, gifted as they were? What right did the enemy have to take his life? Who was the man to have done this to him? None would survive the day. John’s body would lead the charge. He had already won this battle.

    Indeed. Most of it has nothing to do with the Marines. Which is probably thankful, since there's only so much you can do with them.
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)08:23 No.3805675
    this needs drawfaggotry of angry marines visiting him in the hospital: giving him cards and making fun of his arm
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)08:28 No.3805690
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    fuklaw loves anal
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)08:44 No.3805730
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    I'll just leave this here.
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)09:20 No.3805856
    Take your shit comic and go back to /co/.
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)09:24 No.3805869
    Dude, we have how many /a/ and /jp/ threads floating around? And besides, we're bros with /co/.
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)09:25 No.3805875
    New angrymarine insignia found. Considering...
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)09:30 No.3805888
    Sure we are, but that comic *is* shit. Apart from that cat.
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)10:56 No.3806264
    Although the cat IS good.
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)11:31 No.3806434
    Considering it. Hidden chainsword under the mattress.
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)13:31 No.3807192
    all the dialogue in that story is inaccurate as Fuklaw and the angry marines are incapable of normal speech outside of sporadic unintelligable swearing and Rage.
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)15:58 No.3808275
    An unfortunate byproduct of some geneseed's failure over time is constant, incomprehensible guttural nonsense. Often accompanied by profuse amounts of froth and crossed eyes.
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)16:01 No.3808300
    No, John. You are the Orks.
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)16:22 No.3808499
    y u do dis
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)16:26 No.3808524

    As far as I remember, Lolcron was a lesser Necron Lord of Kronus whose mission was to take down the Eldar, while the Lord in the game, was assaulting Chaos or something.

    Jeanstealer was one of the surviving hybrid Genestealers of her planet when her pitiful clan was slaughtered by the planet's PDF. She's remained on the outskirts of the cities dressed in a long covering cloak, which she uses to keep her identity hidden.

    I have no idea how Cultist came to be.
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)16:33 No.3808564
    lonely tyranid is lonely
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)16:43 No.3808632
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    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)16:45 No.3808650
    If I remember my Genestealer information correctly (and I don't keep track of Tyranid information), wouldn't Jean be a first generation GS, what with the four limbs and obvious Nid features?
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)16:52 No.3808702

    Makes sense.

    But I can't believe Fuklaw's done.

    Now which character will I attempt to scribble on my notebook instead of listening to my professor's lecture, when I've gone too long without playing a game?
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)16:54 No.3808720
    Typically, yes. The tail, the four limbs, two fingers and a thumb to each arm...she's inhuman enough to be reduced to the edges of an unaccepting society.
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)17:13 No.3808880
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)17:14 No.3808887
    And like all good first generation Genestealers, she wants to breed right away to produce the next series!
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)17:18 No.3808927

    Her patriarch was already slaughtered, and she's too smart to try and mingle with the humans and get herself killed. She lives on the outskirts of the city, so I don't think she'll be doing anything significant.
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)17:22 No.3808957
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    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)17:28 No.3809000
    Quiet, you!

    She'd obviously start raping young boys.
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)17:29 No.3809007
    I guess that's sort of the question - with no patriarch or hive mind anywhere in the vicinity, does she develop her personality through meeting humans? Or is it a sudden awareness? I imagine it's rather isolated, for an alien species who depends on a hive mind for much of their communication.
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)17:37 No.3809059

    Without synapse creatures around, most Tyranids go feral.

    However Jean is a Tyranid with a lot of human DNA, so I wouldn't say its too much of a stretch for her to behave as a human would, except she would know that she's not.

    Would kinda create an outcast complex, which could go either way.
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)17:39 No.3809071
    On top of all that, has she lost the drive to infect people?
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)17:49 No.3809163
    If she lost her link to the Hivemind, and being the last one left of her kind on the planet, her signal is too weak to bring a Splinter Fleet.

    So she now gains her own individuality.

    However, once she experiences her own individuality, would she even want to go back to being controlled by the Hivemind, and treated as expendable?
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)17:55 No.3809210

    You are now imagining a scene in which Jean has to resist the Hivemind, in order to keep herself from harming her friends... manually.
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)17:57 No.3809224
    How cliché.
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)17:58 No.3809238
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    >>Eldar Wide Receiver

    Macha: Worst Wide Receiver ever.
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)18:02 No.3809266

    I know, but it makes for quick drama.
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)18:02 No.3809268

    No kidding. She can't even catch a dick in her vagoo.
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)18:11 No.3809327
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)18:21 No.3809399

    So she's like Kerrigan's polar opposite?
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)18:23 No.3809415
    why do the cute characters get sad stories?

    It's like the last unicorn with tyranids
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)18:26 No.3809431
    And more straight shota.
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)18:31 No.3809476

    Wide Receiver? More like TIGHT END, AMIRITE?
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)18:35 No.3809520
    What's Macha's nick on DA? Can't find her account.
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)18:47 No.3809624
    cut that out
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)19:13 No.3809868
    Well, if they were cute and happy, it'd be kind of pointless.
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)19:19 No.3809904
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    what is this I dont even
    >> CommissarMega !!PJ/ldME8XhR 02/24/09(Tue)19:30 No.3809974
    A story well told.
    If a commissar could cry. I might have shed a tear.
    I salute you Fuklaw.
    >> Anonymous 02/24/09(Tue)20:59 No.3810627
    The life of John Fuklaw will never be insignificant.
    Not on /tg/, damnit.
    >> Anonymous 02/25/09(Wed)00:31 No.3811837
    Fuckmothering this.
    >> Anonymous 02/25/09(Wed)08:42 No.3814333

    Its true...just you wait and see....

    *starts crying*
    >> Anonymous 02/25/09(Wed)15:36 No.3816689
    Only the death of Conrad Raege is required for John Fuklaw to return.
    >> Eidolon !!x4UZsNRzxWG 02/25/09(Wed)15:43 No.3816750
    least we killed him off before he could go the way of the angwy mehweens
    >> Anonymous 02/25/09(Wed)16:38 No.3817170
    Actually, it did a reverse. He started as a retarded parody and slowly became a person. Then again, the Angry Marines started as a parody and turned into a parody of themselves - an existing parody. Making them DOUBLY retarded.
    >> Anonymous 02/25/09(Wed)16:48 No.3817269
    So he died before he could become highly respectable.
    >> Anonymous 02/25/09(Wed)16:56 No.3817351
    I actualy think if SexualAssaultTau ever shows up again Fuklaw will be back with a vengeance.

    SexualAssaultTau is to Fuklaw what Ghazghkull is to Yarrick.
    >> Anonymous 02/25/09(Wed)17:33 No.3817669
    Thread needs archiving for great justice and character development (can't do it from here, dammit.)
    >> Anonymous 02/25/09(Wed)18:11 No.3818027
    Sexual... what?
    >> Anonymous 02/25/09(Wed)18:14 No.3818053
    Oh my god, I really did roll a 99 die, I got a 97

    I've never cried so many man tears in my life

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