>CoC meets MIB

Majestic Fanbook for Delta Green.

Already been done, only without muppets.

>>3837929
>without muppets

You don't seem to get it.

For the last three days I hadn't been sleeping well, but that changed on day four. I finally hit the proverbial wall and conked out... the dreams were incredible. I just wish I could remember more about them.

What I do remember is K prodding me to wake me up.

"Hey. We've got a call."

"I need some sleep, froggy."

"And I need a partner in the Studebaker in five minutes." I didn't actually see him kick me, but the next moment I was on the floor. "Shower up!"

~~~

"You're kidding me."

"I don't kid."

"No - you're kidding me. Please, for the love of God, tell me you're kidding me!" I stared at the room, full of the tiny, fuzzy, yipping things with the amorphous mouths and the bulging eyes.

"Look, their parents-"

"I told you I really don't want to imagine it."

"EXPLODE... after they mate, that's just how they reproduce!"

"And now it's up to us to keep a handle on-" I tried to count them again. It was hard - one kept jumping on its siblings, rolling around the place.

"Twenty-three."

"Twennythree aliens until we can find a permanent sitter?"

"Kid..." He sighed. "Would you rather we face down another cultist cell?" I stared at him blankly a moment.

"I'll go get some formula."

"Don't bother. They'll need Gatorade."

Samuel Eyres is one of the first felts to head the FBI. The no-nonsense blue eagle is notoriously conservative, almost McCarthian. He is aware of the Company, and considers them to be "a menace". Slowly, he has begun working to outmaneuver the Company, hoping to absorb them into FBI proper - or just to break them.

Okay, what about Pepe?

"You want the truth?" The blue-nosed freak slammed his hands on the typewriter in front of him. "I CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!" For a moment the acrid smelling smoke hung in the air between us.

"Uh... I... I think you've..."

"No, I mean I really can't, my buzz is running low. Animal, you... you got... yeah, thanks." He pulled a cigar from the lips of his passed out partner on the floor and took a massive hit. I coughed - I didn't know what was in that shit, but it smelled awful. "THAAAAAAAT'S.... more like it." He grinned at me, his eyes bulging again. "Say, you ever smoke a Chia pet?"

"Mr. Gonzo? I'd like to keep this professional."

"Too fuckin' late for that!" A cackling laugh. God, his voice reminded me of a chicken.

"What did you see on-"

"Everything, baby!" He laughed. "I saw you spooks swarming into the arena, I saw Mighty Squid-God breakin' outta the 40-yard line, I saw you dragging off the groundskeeper and the three cameramen - I even saw you executing the lizardsheep afterwards in the shower room!"

"Lizardsheep?"

"Fuck, that's right... that was the peyote. Scratch that." He took another hit, and offered the cigar to me. For the second time that night, I turned him down.

"So... Mr. Gonzo. You're alleging that you were in the arena when the great old one was summoned?"

"Yep."

"And you admit to shooting down two of our best agents on the way out?"

"Serves `em right. What were those things they were carrying, .22 cal?"

"They were essentially miniature nuclear generators."

"Pfft. Jap imports, I'll bet. Nothing like my baby. You ever fire off one o' those hand cannons?"

"Mr. Gonzo-"

"Right, right. Yes, I did. Happy with your little confor-"

>>3838309
"WHAT..." I shouted. K just smirked. The whole thing was obviously amusing him. And I think he had a little contact high. "did you expect to get out of admitting all this? Right now I could have you mindwiped."

"You need me." I just scoffed.

"Right."

"I also saw your boys leaving."

"And?"

"You had to tentacle-mindfuck every one that actually saw it." He laughed. "I'm fuckin' immune!" I thumbed the capsule. One shot. One flick of the pen's tip, and the black ribbon would take everything in the last week, replacing it with... whatever I wanted. I looked at K, and he shook his head.

I had a feeling this was going to get sticky.

Muppets with eldritch neuralyzers and rayguns. I love you, /tg/.

Not sure what cross board etiquette is, but a thread over at rpg.net went over some of the same ground, but focused on '70s cop drama.

Post a link for the curious or maintain the purity of our bodily essences?

Using reverse engineered alien technology a small crew of felts patrol the outer solar system. Due to the distances involved the ship is out on its own for years at at time. Space madness is always a problem on such long voyages in tiny living quarters.

>>3838505

go ahead and link it. lots of people go to both sites. we just usually don't admit to it on rpg.net

>>3838521

You know the drill 4chan. Loot, raid and pillage for anything of value.

http://forum.rpg.net/archive/index.php/t-393408.html

you guys have been beaten to the punch

PUPPET RAPIST

episode 1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-DD0pBgotC0

episode 2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RpTsUsPSSdo

episode 3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UVUVr0QQbbY

episode 4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KaosFGmV-sA

I'm a racist. I'll flat out admit it. I don't like felts. I just don't feel comfortable around them. Now I'm not some fucking psycho claiming they were invented in the '70s or some shit. Even if you don't buy the fossil record showing their rods from millions of years ago, just E-Bay some of the memorabilia for The Howdy Doody, G-Man show from the '50s.

No, I just don't like them. And I shut up about it. It's a mental defect in the modern world. Like being scared of the outdoors or ladders or some shit. And the Company wants all their operatives on an even keel mentally. God knows we deal with more than enough shit to capsize even the well balanced.

So I shudder on the inside and fake the smiles because company policy is one muppet, one meatbag in all field teams. And I pulled a doozy. The Amazing Mumford. Not only is he a felt, he's a special talent, and if you know this business you know what trouble that means.

But he's my partner and partners back each other up. Period. So if anyone so much as smirks when they talk about special talents, let alone any of that "special bus" or "more dangerous than the enemy" shit when I'm around?

I'll knock them out faster than you can say "A la Peanut Butter Sandwiches!"

>>3838103

Sam Eyries earned his position old-school. He worked in ignored bureaus, far from the beaten path. Sam earned his spurs by arresting bank robbers in the fly-over states with old fashioned shoe leather and dedication. Other Special Agents might have gotten the press, but Sam got results over a decades-long career.

Dedication, integrity, hard work. These are what got him the attention of the higher ups. These are the principals he embodies as Director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation.

Cowboy outfits like the Company? Harrumph. They are sloppy, amateur, un-American. Their time in the sun is over.

Though as FBI Director, even Sam must admit that as reckless as the Company is, it must take second place to Public Enemy Number One.

oh man you guys got trolled hard.....I know the first OP cause he showed this to me today after explaining the concept to me...you guys do relize he did this as one large joke to troll you right?

>>3839705
we took it and made it awesome, so Kudos to him for showing us.

>>3839705

/tg/ continues to take trolls and make them useful.

>>3839705
If we were Angry or butthurt about it, then it would have been a successful troll.

But instead it grew into something wonderful.

In the trolling business, that is the exact opposite of what you are trying to do.

The cut of my jib, old boy, is that your friend failed, possibly even epic-ly.

>>3839705
Can you get him to come back next week with another idea?

Fuck yeah feltpunk

>>3839739
he actually posts quite a bit on here...belive it or not....most of the time they are just half-baked ideas but he does have is moments of insight....
actually if you guys give him a name (as he won't name himself) you can see know wen h is putting up a new idea.

>>3839814

I dub him MuppetMaster.

>>3839864
I second this motion

>>3839705

So is THAT why I can't access OP's site?

Still, like >>3839739 , >>3839735 , >>3839724 , and >>3839710 had said... we took a troll attempt and made it into GOLD!


Now if I can only find someone who'll find me a downloadable copy of the Low Life book made by Savage Worlds, so I can make a funny, yet gross campaign, and make a Creamfillian named Flakey Cakester.

>>3839864

Thirding the motion

>>3838021

lol.. Koozbanians.

As a smar/tg/uy who was watching the beginning of the first thread I have to say this...

Feltpunk?

C'mon. Can't we come up with anything other than (noun)punk these days? It sounds like a game about a group that might be mistaken for an 80s hair band slammed into a Michael's Craft Store with a toxic waste truck.

Muppets in Black, Fabrication Nation or Puppet Government sound better than the very generic and overused -punk.

Now back to the kick ass idea.

>>3839933
the -punk describes it better than any of those suggested titles. One of the reasons -punk is so overused in the first place.

agreed I will tell him of his dubbing tomorrow

whore lord out!

>>3839933

I'VE GOT A GREAT NEW IDEA FOR A HOMBREW, IT'S GOING TO BE PUNK-PUNK, WHO'S IN?

>>3839950
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/PunkPunk

>>3839864
>>3839873

Motion nominated and seconded. Are there any opposed? Hearing no objection motion is irrelevant as OP has a site with a name in the URL listed.

"Reminds me of a time down in Mexico chasing a chupacbra. Ha, ha! Right. A goat-sucker in Mexico. Except neither of them are funny. Chupacabras kill kids, we just keep that quiet. And the Mexicans? Well they may have problems with gangs and drug-lords, but their supernatural cops are nothing to sneer at. Me and my partner carefully apologized and withdrew rather than deal with Federales Cuernos."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sesame_Street_internationally

The filthy mupp scanned the street, well away from the dying light of evening. Concealed as he was in the shadows that always fall in the alleys between buildings no matter the time of day, he waited like a spider feeling every strand of its web. Sooner or later, one would come along. They always did.

Today he didn't have long to wait. There was the meatbag now, probably... what? Six years old? Maybe eight? Who the hell knew. By feltoid standards, meatbag offspring were huge. But he wasn't a feltoid. He was a mupp, just a dirty mupp. Feltoids was the namby-pamby politically correct meatbag term. Mupp was what they called each other on the streets.

The child halted, looking uncertain. He had to handle this one carefully. "Hey kid," the mupp growled in a voice like oily gravel and raised his head. "You lost?"

The child's face looked suddenly wary, but brightened when it saw the mupp's bright coloration. Oh yeah, there it was. The blind trust instilled by the shills who worked on public television, educating human kids about how to count and other useless shit.

"Can you tell me how to get-" the child began, but the words stuck in its throat, some of the nervous agitation returning.

"How to get to Sesame Street?" the mupp finished for him and the child relaxed. "Sure kid, it's just over here." Leaning out of his garbage can, the mupp pointed further down the alley. "Come on. I'll show you." This was almost too easy. Sometimes he wondered what happened to the ones he 'wrangled' for his buyers. Maybe they sold them into slavery, or ate them. He didn't care. This was business, pure and simple. His ragged green hand dipped into the trash can, finding the dirty rag and the bottle of ether. Too easy, sometimes. Just too easy.

"... and I know what is whispered about me. I am a token, a political choice, a.. muppet.

Do not act shocked. Never act shocked. You are all special agents and nothing should ever shock a Special Agent of the FBI. We have a reputation, a proud reputation to uphold.

So yes, I have heard your whispers, and I will not deny them. Nor will I acknowledge them. How I got my appointment is not important. What is important is the task that has been set before us all.

Law. The guardian of all Americans. From the smallest school-child to the most ancient of senior citizens. LAW! The protector of the weak, the helpless, the defenseless. LAW! The institution that binds and protects us as Americans.

I care not for the hue or texture of any flesh. Meatbag or muppet, all are equal in the eyes of the law. That is your task as Special Agents. To bring both equal protection and equal justice to all. Are you able and willing to uphold this? The cornerstone of your oath of office? If so, then swear it again with me now! Or begone from my sight."

-- Inaugural Address, FBI Director Sam Eyrie

Can anyone explain to me why K is an active agent after the Innsmouth Incident in 1928? EIGHTY YEARS AGO!

Too good not to bump.

>>3839705
OP here.
No, Hoop. It wasn't trolling... I just thought that it was a bad idea when I came up with it. Given /tg/'s reaction, I was wrong.

>>3840972
You've been knighted, man. Change the name.
>>3840256
Best you don't ask that, unless you want answers to questions that no man should ever ask.

>>3839659
"A photoshop, obviously, but I can't tell you how mad I was when I saw it." The felt just sighed, running a hand through the scruffy little mop of hair. "I know that people don't like me, but comparing... being a gay man in America to being a terrorist..." He just shook his head. "Well... joke's on whoever made it."

"Now, I understand that you wanted to clear up a little bit of confusion regarding your relationships for us." I set my glasses aside. It was a simple gesture I tended to overuse, but it looked good on camera.

"Yeah. A lot of people have seen pictures of myself with my roommate, Ernie Hodges, since the campaign started, and have been assuming that he's my lover."

"He's not?"

"Ernie's like my kid brother. We grew up together, and he's the best friend a guy could have, but I could never see myself being even... vaguely attracted to him."

"But is he-"

"Not so far as I know. He's got a lovely human girlfriend, and... y'know, more power to him."

"Alright. We'll be back to take your calls after this commercial break, and more with District Attorney Bertran Walker." The musical sting played, and the light blinked off the camera.

"We're clear!" I waited a second for the crew to get busy before I covered up my lapel mike.

"Hey... strictly off the record, -is- he really gay?" He laughed.

"He'll do anything that moves."

>>3841204
Bump for more

Said it before, will say again - this is one of the most clever and creative settings /tg/ has ever spawned.

>>3841204
Avenue Q flashback

>>3841688
I watched him waving to the crowd, shaking a few hands as he walked out of the studio. Poor fool... he had no idea what he was walking into. He opened the door to the limo, and sat down before it registered that we were there. And by then, the door had locked and we were driving away.

"Who are you?"

"My name is N. This is my associate, K."

"Cute. Now what are you doing in my ride?" I leaned back. K was better at negotiations.

"Mr. Walker, you're going to do a fine job as a DA. A lot better than the last guy. But sometimes things happen in the city that can't be explained. Strange things... impossible things." He was leaning forward, hands clasped in front of him, elbows on his knees. "You're going to run into those things eventually. When that happens... when you run into those things that your boys can't handle, things that creep into your brain and send you screaming into the night... we're going to be there to help. And we just want to make sure that you're on board with us."

"Who's 'us'?" Bertran's face was stonelike, his unibrow forming a point between his eyes.

"We don't have a name. They just call us the Company."

"Hm." He stared at K. Then at me. "IF... something happens... that matches anything like you've said... and you come to me, we'll see. But understand this..." Now he leaned forward, in a mimicry of K's pose. "I was elected to keep this precinct clean, and I have an obligation to do just that. If it means keeping the good people around here safe, I'm willing to do it... but I won't lie to them, and I won't take any action that will cut me out of the loop with ANY crime that occurs here. Savvy?"

>>3841848

"Crystal clear, Mr. Walker. But eventually... you may change your mind." The limo pulled over on the corner of 43rd and 17th, and K opened the door. "Here's hoping we don't see you anytime soon. Goodbye, Mr. Walker... oh, and Bart says to give you his best." We slid out, and he shut the door behind him. We were half a block down, outside Izzi's Deli, when he finally spoke up again. "That went well."

"I half expected him to call for backup."

"He might have, if I hadn't mentioned his brother afterwards."

"Bart?"

"A class-three from a few years back. He's recovering well."

"Nice." I decided not to ask if we were partly responsible for getting Ol' Bert elected. A politician you can manipulate is always a valuable thing.. then again, it could have just been a coincidence. Somehow I'd be shocked if anyone was elected that the Company didn't have anything on. "Well... what's next?"

"Possession back at base."

"Really? Who?"

"Not who... what. There's a spirit in one of the cups in the breakroom. Keeps scooting around the counters, singing old jazz tunes."

"Again?"

"Same spirit, too. That thing's resilient."

"Heh. He's just a teeny little superguy, isn't he?"

>>3837895

I remember something like this from rpg.net so I thought I'd post the link to the thread, might inspire some ideas.

http://forum.rpg.net/showthread.php?t=393408

Writefaggotry at its best.

>>3841204
>>3841848
IF YOU WERE GAY
THAT'D BE OKAY.
I MEAN 'CAUSE, HEY,
I'D LIKE YOU ANYWAY.
BECAUSE YOU SEE,
IF IT WERE ME,
I WOULD FEEL FREE
TO SAY THAT I WAS GAY
(BUT I'M NOT GAY.)
IF YOU WERE QUEER
I'D STILL BE HERE,
YEAR AFTER YEAR
BECAUSE YOU'RE DEAR
TO ME,
AND I KNOW THAT YOU
WOULD ACCEPT ME TOO,
IF I TOLD YOU TODAY,
"HEY! GUESS WHAT,
I'M GAY!"
(BUT I'M NOT GAY.)
I'M HAPPY
JUST BEING WITH YOU.
SO WHAT SHOULD IT
MATTER TO ME
WHAT YOU DO IN BED
WITH GUYS?
IF YOU WERE GAY
I'D SHOUT HOORAY!
AND HERE I'D STAY,
BUT I WOULDN'T GET
IN YOUR WAY.
YOU CAN COUNT ON ME
TO ALWAYS BE
BESIDE YOU EVERY DAY,
TO TELL YOU IT'S OKAY,
YOU WERE JUST BORN
THAT WAY,
AND, AS THEY SAY,
IT'S IN YOUR DNA,
YOU'RE GAY!

You know what they make alphabet soup out of? It's us man! Alphabet soup is letters!

- extract from post on Feltoid website "Brought to you by the Letter H". Website archived and shut down by Company Operative Q, 03/10/09

Of course, inevitably, there would be adult media about them, just as with any exotic people... Yup, right alongside those behind-the-counter magazines of "Asian Asses" and "Big Black Boobs"...

...there's "Fantasy Felt Fetish".

>>3842206
BRB, hiding my copy of "Barely Legal Muppet Muff 2."

OP, have you seen the Canadian TV show, "Puppets Who Kill"?

Or the Channel101 web show, "Puppet Rapist"?
http://ny.channel101.com/show.php?show=54

>>3842239
I heard the next one's got a mupp chick so tight she almost pops a stitch taking this one guy...

Er, so I've heard.

>>3842246
lern2reed
>>3838900

>>3840106

Okay, so Sam is Director of the FBI. Then we have Assistant Director Walter Skinner. Either Mulder or Skully has to be a felt but which one? I'm thinking Mulder since he is always cracking jokes while Skully is the "straight man" of the team. That makes Statler and Waldorf the Smoking Men.

>>3842347
Nah, the Muppet has to be the straight man. Just think how awesomely inverted that is

>>3842371
Brilliant.

So you want to know about the four classifications of the felts, foammies and woodities hungh kid? All right. If were gonna work together Ill tell you.

First off there are the deltas. These are the lowest class of felts. You see them all over the place. Sockpupets, wooden bags, cut out pieces of foam. All the lowest quality of felts you can imagine. Now I know that the felts like to put up a unified front and that all felts are created equal. But Deltas are the bottom of the rung even in other felts eyes. They are all childlike in their outlook and nauseating sickly happy all the frelling time. Most have the average intelligence of an 8 year old. These are the ones you see getting picked up to work the kids shows. Lets be honest, there isn’t much else for them to do.

Next you have the Charlies. Now don’t get to confused but there is almost no difference between Deltas and Charlies. Both have about the same intelligence level and both are nauseating annoying singing their cutsie songs and always wanting to hug people. The main difference is that Charlies are better made. More durable materials and will last a lot longer. I don’t get it myself but for some reason to the felts, appearance is everything and a Charlie will HATE it if you call him a Delta. It’s a thin line sometime.

>>3842573

Then you have the Betas. Now I like Betas. My DI when I was in the Corps was a Beta. Hardest felt I ever met. Betas are like us pretty much, well except for the whole felt thing. They are just as smart and in some cases smarter than us. A lot of Betas have done great things for this country. Never underestimate a beta criminal kid. They can be just as devious and as brutal as their human counterpart. Hell the director of the FBI is a beta. I know kid. He’s a bald eagle, but he is still a beta.

Then we have the Alphas. There are very few alphas. Alphas are the pinnacle of felt society. For all intensive purposes they can pass for human. Now all the others are easy to spot. The bright colors, their diminutive size, their voices, and hell they LOOK like puppets. But not Alphas. I once dealt with an alpha that was running an escort agency that catered to humans that had a thing for felts. Wasn’t until after 6 months of working the case and finally arresting her and got her into booking that we realized she was a felt. Watch out for the alpha criminals kid. Most of them have a serious superiority complex when it comes to other felts and humans.

>>3842583
>>3842573

The rest I get... but the Alphas, I don't. what's an example of a Alpha?

>>3842614
Sounds like a replicant. Do muppets dream of crudely-constructed sheep?

>>3842640

I've seen things you people wouldn't believe.

>>3842614

>>3842712
The beard really looks fake though.

bump. too good to die.

Must work in Sigmund the sea monster and HR Puffinstuff!!

After the show was cancelled H.R. Puffinstuff was jailed due to an unrelated manslaughter when he ran over a human with his car. As a felt with a record it was hard to get a job when he got out. He went to night school and now works as a certified public accountant.

>>3842657
Put your shirt back on, Random, this isn't the time to wax philosophic.

(Meanwhile, wondering where Cousin Skeeter and Crank Yankers fit into this mess. Especially the latter.)

>>3842940
With the Crank Yankers, what you see is what you get. They're a sketch comedy troupe from Toronto that films prank calls, and acts out the other end of the conversation afterwards.

Related

"K, who did you say we were meeting?"

"Our counterparts from the UK. Agents of Her Majesty's Government, among other things. I've worked with them before."

"So... what are they like?"

K sighed.

"They're very good at their job, but they act like an old married couple. Nice guys, but I'd prefer it if they kept their personal and professional lives separate. Oh yeah, and don't talk about the one guy’s his piercing. He doesn't like to talk about it – old war wound."

As the helicopter powered down, a hatch emblazoned with the arching rainbow symbol of the British agency opened smoothly and two dapper agents slipped out. One, a golden brown individual with piercing blue eyes bounced down towards them energetically. The other, paler skinned one seemed nervous and followed behind, carefully watching for signs of trouble.

"Oh hullo K, so good to shee you, it's been agesh shince I shaw you lasht. How are you old boy? Keeping you busy?"

"Busy enough Mr. Z. Mr. G, good to see you too."

"Oh well, um, yes, um thank you K. It is very nice to see you too. B sends his love"

"I'll bet."

So K is obviously Kermit. Who is N?

>>3845089
N is the new guy. Human agent of the Company. At first I chose it because of Noah from Heroes, but I wanted K to be the old vet, so he quickly became his own character.

Bumpfluff.

>>3845301
This again. Writefag here; put down a request and I may just fulfill it.

Must be feltpunky, of course.

>>3846163
Behind the Music: Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem.

Hard mode: Dr. Teeth became a rapper in the early 90's.

>>3838021
>>3838309
>>3838317
I love you.
>>3839933
Thank you.

>>3846163
Anything involving Big Bird.

>>3846414
More of the Great Gonzo Jarlson and Animal in the morning.

>>3845108

K, the veteran? I was going to laugh at that, but then I realized how long he's had the job and how old I am.

There's not many of us old-timers around. This job doesn't often end in quiet retirement. But I remember the first K. That's him in the picture with his partner M.

K and M. Now that was a team. K was the quiet, diplomatic type (second only to R) who could talk out any problem. It helped that if talking didn't work M would get a chance to apply his own, unique, problem-solving skills.

M loved his firepower. His trademark gun was a lab-rat prototype called the PP Special. Thing would scare you just to look at it, the bore was so wide. And when he pulled down the trigger it would be a literal rain of lead coming down on whoever he pointed it at.

Time moves on I guess. The current K is a credit to the name, don't get me wrong. But guys like R and the old K? I still can't believe they're gone sometimes.

>>3846326
Robot Chicken did it-sad. Maybe...well, tell the truth, I'm still in a listening mood.

Post more about what you want to see about Big Bird and I'll see what I can do.

Beany and Cecil. That's all I'm sayin'.

Why hasn't anyone even mentioned Telly yet?

The Company policy of partnering one human and one felt doesn't always end well. Exhibit #1: Agents F and G.

"I've made a terrible mistake."

>>3846570
I think we already did a bit that involved Big Bird being some kind of drug burnout (hallucinates a giant elephant, for fuck's sake!), though it was mostly about Oscar running a child kidnapping ring. Tell us his sad tale, o MuppetMaster! How did one once held in so high esteem fall so far? Kind of a "Where Are They Now" retrospective.

Hey kids! What time is it?

>>3847197
we don't need to bring daemons into this setting just yet, do we?

>>3847214
Seconded.

Buuut...what is Barney?

>>3847225

>Barney

Cthulhufelt, a Delta, definitely.

The two stood in the door, looking inward.

Dear god, the chanting, the chanting was in their braaaains, no matter how hard they plugged their ears, it.

I love you, you love me, we're a happy family.

>>3845022


The Post-War era directors of the British division. are of course fondly remembered.

>>3847299
It's scary how well that works.

I threw the case file on the new kids lap.

"Come on kid. We got to head to La Jolla California. Seems they have a bit of a sea monster problem."

The new kid glanced at the folder real quick as he got up to follow the smaller agent. Glancing through the folder he saw a kindley and smiling seeweed creature felt looking back. Picture looked a couple decades old.

"Hey K! I know this one! I used to catch reruns of it on Nickelodion!"

K just sighed as they walked through the halls of the company heading to the armory.

"To old." K thought to him self "Im getting to old for this"

The kid continued to flip through the file, getting a bit disturbed at the horid iamges he saw of brutally ripped apart bodies laying on the beach. All of them dated within the last week. the new kids face went a bit white. "You-you-your telling me that a felt did this? Ive never known a felt to be so brutal"

K sighed again as they enetered the armory and started to request some of the biggest and deadliest weapons the Company had. Phased Plasma rifle in 40 watt range. Hyperflux mulit barreled gigiagun, The S.N.A.P.E disposable missle system. "Kid, Im going to let you in on a little secret. Sometimes felts aint felts. Sometimes they are far worse."

The kid looked confused as K spoke and saw the array of firepower K was gathering.

"Old ones kid. Old ones. Course when Sid found out what they were he called us in. Was a nasty op, lost some good agents. We though we got them all, but it looks like we didnt."

>>3847299

… “Mother of God…” I whispered as I stared at the ring in the centre of the cultists. A slow pulsing purple light had begun to emanate from the eldritch letters enscribed in the stone. The more I stared at them, the more they began to swim in my mind, coming together in maddening strings of J-O-Y and C-O-O-P-E-R-A-T-E.

A sharp slap of velvet on my face brought me to my senses.
“Don’t just stand there meatbag! They’ve almost finished the ritual!,” R screamed at me. He turned back to the ring, unloading into the cultists. A bright flash of light, and 3 of them slammed into the wall, vaporised from the waist up. But even as he did so, a bright purple tail was rising from the ring.

“Barney can be your friend too..!”

I started firing as well, but I already knew the chant was complete.

“…If you just make believe in him!” And with a final yell the chanting ended. A great googly-eyed maw appeared from the ring rising and growing. I stood paralysed, my weapon falling from my hand, helpless against this unnameable saccharine horror.

And God help me, it’s eyes turned and bored into my soul. The mouth opened, and a voice filled my head.

<HELLO AGAIN TO ALL MY FRIENDS!

I’M GLAD YOU CAME TO PLAY!>

>>3847500
>>3847525

Some people, mostly assholes, wonder why the Company hires so many felts.

After all, in the "Real World" felts are somewhere between Blacks and Hispanics in how much shit they get slung at them from racist hicks.

It's because felts ain't human. Now I'm not saying they aren't people, we settled that a long time ago. But their brains don't work exactly like ours. All that crap about how only their savants can do math because that part of their brain is normally devoted to silly noises and love of tartar sauce? It's complicated, but not entirely inaccurate. Now if you want the details there are plenty of books out there, but this is the important part.

Shit that would make a fleshie freeze? Piss their pants? Drop to their knees and start chanting? Doesn't faze a felt. Not as much anyway. The Company isn't pairing you up with a felt out of any kind of meatbag guilt or affirmative action. Your partner is your lifeline back to sanity when things go south.

Take that Gonzo writer everyone loves. Yeah, he's a big druggie. But the really weird stuff he writes about? That's stuff he's actually seen go down. Those are facts. Guy has seen stuff that melts most brains and he's still a journalist. Felt brains can just deal with this stuff better than we can.

>>3847976

So basically, puppets don't take much SAN damage? Makes sense I suppose.

I'm not letting this die yet!

>>3848076
Explains a great deal as well.

>>3839724
>>3839705
that's what /tg/ does. it kills trolls and takes their precious xp

>>3835242
>>3847067
>>3846469

Word is that certain letters in the Company have a destiny. Like they are sponsored or something.

Take K, both of them. Most of you probably never heard of the original K, but The Captain, as he used to be called (former Navy, and he earned it) was a legend. And the new K? He's practically a legend himself.

Now take G. Both of them you have to admit were, are well-meaning. But the first G just couldn't leave the job behind. Had to be Super G, saving people from stuff the Company has no business dealing with. Word is he's locked up somewhere in the Hamptons now, doped up on Thorazine.

And the new G? The human one? I don't care for G.

if i may speak on my client's behalf...

I am both surprised and pleased this still lives.

What about Punch and Judy?

>>3849864

Legends. Myths. Nightmarish clowns that have run a grotesque theatre troupe for centuries, telling a story of wife beating, infanticide and anarchism? Nobody wants to see the Punch & Judy show. Nobody sane, at least.

>>3849864
i had assumed>>3842573

>>3849914
Mr. Punch? Nah, he was one of the old guard - back before the great war. Sure there where some nasty rumours about his personal life, and he didn't 'ave much of a problem dealin' out the pain but he believed in doin' right; backed up Homes as a younger puppet for a while before gettin' KIA trying to take out one of the Kaiser's machineguns.

tl;dr - Mr. Punch, an Edwardian felt version of The Punisher.

>>3850007
Mr. Punch and Sherlock Holmes? Trench Warfare Punch?

.... FUCKING AWESOME!

"Meet The Feebles", anybody?

>>3849864
You don't want to fuck with Punch. He goes against the law whenever he wants and does whatever he wants. The British government has tried to track him down on numerous occasions but he's always got away. Officers have been assaulted and even killed.

>>3850007

Oh. Well perhaps >>3849914 is a different Punch, one from which Trench warfare Punch took his name. Punch and Judy shows have been going for hundred of years - the first in England was during the reign of Charles II - and a lot of the stories were fairly unpleasant.

Maybe Punch has always been a hero, but naughty Mr. Crocodile is a flesh-hungry old one that has been trying to ruin his name with the Shows?

>>3850007
Change Holmes to 'The Ripper' and KIA to MIA and we have a deal.

>>3850143

Maybe he was the Ripper. Imagine how terrifying to see a razor blade gleaming and that terrible voice squeking as it cut and cut and cut...

"'AT'S A WAY TA DO IT! AT'S A WAY TA DO IT! HE HE HEHHEHHAAAA!!"

>>3850173
Terrifying.

Mister Punch, sometimes he fights for pleasure, sometimes for justice. But wherever or whatever is it, there will always be murder in his eyes. His tale embodies the eternal struggle between felts and humanity and he is an icon for idealists and criminals alike.

My back against the wall, I quickly looked over my shoulder, around the corner, and down the dimly-lit corridor. Everything went wrong. We knew this warehouse would have been a perfect place for an ambush. We thought since we knew what we were getting into, we'd be safe. I guess knowing isn't half the battle.

The naked incandescent bulbs above the corridor start flickering. I can hear them coming through the walls. I can hear their siren song as they phase and shift into our reality, closing in on me. I'm alone. I'm vulnerable. I feel their chill on my skin. My heart, some distant bass note, throbbing rapidly in time to the stobing effect of the lights.

And now, as they emerge from the corridor walls, I have their song in my head. I'm not aware that I've soundlessly been moving my lips as if I'm part of some unholy call-and-response.

"Mah Nà Mah Nà" I whisper.

As I behold the coming of the Snowths.

>>3850475

Mah Nà Mah Nà Cthulhu Fhtagn!

what about sooty?

"Snuffy? SNUFFY!" I just sighed as I heard the screams from the alleyway. Seemed the bird was on another flashback trip... he was off the junk for good, but every now and then... well... let's just say you really didn't want to be around him when he was like this.

"Hey, on time for once. What are the odds?" Bob laughed as the door jangled shut behind me. I just shook my head and tossed my apron on. He didn't see the connections. He never could. Most couldn't.

I had been up past midnight watching the returns come in. 95% of them I predicted. The DA, the new mayor, our senators... even the new commissioner of the traffic board. It was all tied together. Each one had an exploitable weakness - oh, the TV didn't tell you everything. But if you paid attention enough to what it wasn't saying, the links became clear. Someone was pulling the strings. Setting up their web of influence. And one day, when I found enough of these links - enough proof of them - I would show the world. Until then, I had to keep watching. Had to keep my eyes on the-

"Earth to Telly! We need a restock on spatulas!"

"Yessir, Bob." Crap. I hate it when I do that. As I wander into the back room, I can hear Bob talking to another customer.

"Mister... Green, right? Yeah, we're out of the archives, the library bought them from us last summer. Say... you look familiar. Did you have a relative that used to live around here? Newscaster?"

"`Fraid not. Thanks again." The door chimed again, and I nearly fell off the ladder. Stupid spatulas. Who decided that they should be boxed in sets of 288?

Idea: Jim, director of the company, hasn't been seen in person in years if ever. He's been controlling the company by remote ala "Charlie" or the talking heads from Mr. and Mrs Smith.

As the company slowly shifts focus into a darker entity it begs the question, is it still Jim on the other side of that speaker...

"And then... and then..." She sobbed. I let out a sigh despite my best efforts. The kid had been through hell, I was damn lucky that she was even giving me the interview. But that squeaky helium voice of hers was turning a relatively mild hangover into a jackhammer orchestra.

"Betty Lou, I can understand if you don't want to do this ri-"

"No! No, they..." She sniffled. "They have to know! They need to know the truth." Damn. Girl after my own heart. "He threw me a mushmelon. Or a cantaloupe, maybe. It was so moldy I didn't know what to make of it."

"And then?"

"He said... it... it rubs the rotten on its skin... or else it gets... the worms again." She had to spit out the word "worms". Another wracking sob. "I didn't want to... but... but I had to do it... I didn't want to drown in those horrible things!"

"Just breathe, kid. Take a second... inhale... there we go... calm down a bit. It's over, right? No worms here." There was one at the bottom of the tequila bottle in my satchel, but that was besides the point.

"S..so... that was how it went, every day until they found me."

"Did he ever do anything else to you?"

"He was going to. Once it was done..."

"What's 'it'?" She looked at me somberly from beneath the bandages, and slowly unwrapped one arm. I felt my stomach lurch. Around the elbow it was still pink, slightly fuzzy, and healthy. But from there it was... decayed. Brown and black and mottled, pus starting to ooze from the open wounds, and near her hand, the flesh had grown back green and furry.

"He wanted another of him."

>>3851168

Egad!

>>3850841

One of the directors of the Company's opposite number in the UK as per >>3847363.

He's the boss of these guys >>3845022

this is awesome

"Why do I do it? That's simple. Take a look outside. You see that sunset? And you see the people down in the streets, cramming into taxis, all trying to get home? That's why. Maybe one day they'll know how many times we've saved them. Probably not. But at least I can look out from this window and know that this day was brought to them all by the letter K and the number .44."

>>3852310

epic

"Let's get this straight, felt. I don't like you. I don't like what you've got going in this city." I reached forward and grabbed the dirty mupp by his matted scruff and pulled him as far forward as my partner's makeshift bonds would allow. "Tell us where the girls are, and we might just release you to the authorities. I understand the local police chief goes a big soft one for fuckers like you. If you just-"

I was cut off again by a hellish string of cackling, bordering on a wild scream. Disgusted, I threw the felt back into the chair and retreated to the shadows where the light from the single dangling light-bulb was faintest, wiping an unidentifiable residue from my palm. The felt continued to giggle quietly to itself, a taint of hedonistic madness apparent on the edges of his voice. A shiver ran down my spine.

"I say, G, perhaps another persuasive approach would be necessary." My partner was diminutive as far as his kind went, but he had a heart of gold and a passion for justice. Thanks to him, we'd hit a lead on a local pleasure slave cartel, responsible for smuggling young girls to their affluent, over-seas clients. All we knew was it was run by a meatsack, name of Jareth. Beyond that, we were clutching at straws.

As brave as D was, he didn't have the heart for the more effective forms of interrogation. The kind of questioning that was required when you dealt with the dirty felts that would not, could not respond to reason. That was where I came in.

With a swift kick, I sent the mupp's head spinning across the room. It slammed into the wall with a dull thump before falling to the ground and rolling a few feet. It's body began convulsing violently. The head was dangerously silent.

"Ready to talk, scum?"

More insane laughter.

This one was getting to me.

How has this not attracted one drawfag yet? Someone get Culexus out here, STAT.

Is MuppetMaster a namefag now?

Can you be a namefag if your title was bestowed upon you by the board itself?

>>3852310
That needs to go on the back cover of the book.

>>3853832
Agreed. Maybe the back of the head of a Muppet looking into the sunrise, a gun in one hand, a trail of smoke falling from it, a glint off his sunglasses.

This is Feltpunk. Welcome to the Street.

>>3853960
Duly noted. It's K who's speaking in the line, so the shot has to be of him, preferably holding an oversized .44 magnum.

The more this thread goes on, the more I begin to feel that Savage Worlds would be an ill fit for Feltpunk. d20 CoC, perhaps, or a wholly homebrew system.

>>3853825
How I got mine.

I have one thing to say.

Eighties third-world felt commies, currently suffering a sort of revival as immigrant street-gangs in first world countries.

ok, is this a Horrible idea or not?

When reading about the different levels, when I read Alpha I struggled for a mental image. And then I remembered:
RealDolls.
Creepy enough for many even when not alive, they often fall right into the uncanny valley unless of a cartoony look. And they're basically created to be sextoys, making living ones effectively sex slaves. You can probably assume that they're illegal everywhere but japan, and probably even there. Doesn't stop them being made though, theres always a buyer. And what about ones that escape? Escaped sex slaves with no skills, money or even area knowledge, due to being shipped discretely. And even if you have people who managed to form legitimate, caring relationships with free ones, they're automatically under suspicion equivalent to being a known pedophile.

And theres inevitably going to be an equivalent to a slave freeing underground railroad society. And less well intentioned groups posing as them, perhaps even holding them for ransom and blackmail rather than just straight theft and reselling.

So, good/bad idea?

>>3854498
Research time. How many muppet-style puppet shows were there in the eastern bloc?

>>3854662
pretty good idea, as long as the story doesn't dip into creepy fetishy fapfiction territory

>>3854663

I doubt there are any, but that doesn't mean the concept has to die. They commie-fied Superman, they can sure as hell commie-fy Kermit.

Maybe the Swedish Chef was actually undercover for the KGB.

>>3854754
yeah, it does have that risk, but then, hopefully if a tale can focus on the more disturbing aspects, the whole uncanny valley thing they tend to sit in, and the brutality/depravity without focusing on the sexual nature directly unless its for shear shock value at a final confrontation type scenario.
For instance, after following the trail of a guro fanatic who has been buying and abducting free'd ones, finally encountering them in the midst of graphically tearing apart a doll whilst fucking them. They're said to bleed after all. the place would look more like a slaughterhouse than a bedroom.

And then theres all the confused morality on a sentient lifeform literally constructed to be fuck toys, the hatreds that could be played up and the charity of caring and rehabilitating free'd ones.

>>3854858
that would definitely be an awesome way to go with it, it should prevent too much roneryness coming through

>>3854662
That takes the story to a dangerous place. I think it's best to keep this stuff rated R, give or take. Thinking to much about rape takes this from grimdark creepy to RL stalker creepy, not good/

>>3852310
>>3852367
>>3853832
Agreements all around on this.

>>3854858
This might work, though the idea of them being made just for sex kinda rubs me the wrong way. Maybe have it be some sort of psychological conditioning akin to Pavlov's dogs, rather than have it be "hardwired" into them?

>>3855218

Fuck right, but all these shorts between to covers and slap that on the back. What would be on the front?

>>3855234
Perhaps originally created for companionship (so ronery) and having that tendency to desire company horribly exploited, thus leading to a social backlash against their creation, having had their original intent horribly corrupted so much that in the public eye they simply nothing more than whore-slaves and utterly despised?

Perhaps on the line of lonely, child replacement? For those parents who never want their kid to grow up and stop needing them...

Bouncing this idea, not entirely sure of it yet.

Felts had always been second-class citizens in the US, particularly in the south. While they had never known the sting of slavery, they weren't allowed to vote until 1910, and didn't really achieve parity until the civil rights movements of the 60's. The two elements that really helped to boost the felts to equality were WW2 and McCarthyism. Now, WW2 was a given. Nothing like fighting and dying for your countrymen to give your race a little boost in the eyes of those that aren't you. But McCarthyism was something that no one could have seen coming - it seems that something about Marxism just didn't sit well with felts at large. Oh, there were attempts in the witch hunts, but with the Howdy Doody and G-Man show serving as the core slice of American childhood entertainment at the time... well, most didn't go too far.

>>3855333
It's an homage to that one MIB movie poster, with N and K sitting in chairs and holding guns, possibly in silhouette. Behind them is the vague form of something huge and mollusk-like.

>>3854778

Work harder, Comrade Feltski, or it's back to the gulag with you!

>>3855552
Ah, but that's a recent import. Originally Sesame Street was decried by the communist party as "the lastest invasion of American imperialism". It was only in the 70's that the door opened a bit.

>>3853832
>>3853960
>>3854444
>>3855218
>>3855333
>>3855530
Just so we're clear on this... this is getting turned into a book? Are we talking like an RPGNow PDF, or hardback?

>>3855697
Depends. How long will you wait to post the RS link?

>>3855552

The sickly midnight sun hung low in the sky to the south, bathing the roadside diner in a pale orange glow. Even here, in the northernmost reaches of Alaska, the Company had it's business. My business. I looked through the file again and took a sip of coffee. "You're sure these are credible?"

"My man is dependable," replied the massive blue felt across from me, in a heavy Russian drawl. "These come straight from Moscow."

The cold bit to the bone, but it wasn't from the bitter weather outside. "We all just assumed the Kremlin was running military drills."

The felt rumbled with warm, Motherland laughter. "The Kremlin does not run military drills."

"That much is obvious, now. If they've actually found what they think they've found... what these photos seem to imply..." I finished my coffee. It burnt channels into my esophagus, but did nothing to stop the cold. "You don't think they'd try to wake him, do you?"

"Friend... comrade..." The felt leaned in close, the scent of vodka heavy on his breath. "Mother Russia will do what is necessary, what is best... for Mother Russia."

There's something about those felts.

Oh, don't you look at me like that, rookie. I know all that politically correct bullshit the felt lobby's been feeding your generation since you were old enough to be excited by bright colors. I know the "proven" history is that the felts have always been here, that the 1970 "Genesis" story is all bullshit. Besides, I've got a great deal of respect for plenty of the little guys.

All I'm saying is, we'd barely even heard of an Old One before the 70's rolled around, and then all of a sudden we've got black ops everywhere that can't go a week without running into more shit that'll fuck your brain 5 ways since Tuesday.

What if something happened that year? I can't blame the felties if they want to cover it up, but shouldn't we at least consider it?

See, kid? Now you know why I'm still a field operative after all these years. Somebody upstairs don't like us looking into that decade much.

My last thought of the night:

Company organization. There are 13 teams of Agents proper. These are the field workers with the single-letter names. Half are felt, half are human - by Company policy.

Below the Agents are the Operatives. There are literally thousands of these throughout the globe. They are allowed to keep their identity, partly because it serves the Company to keep them in a certain place with a certain cover identity for long periods of time, and partly because the actual time they spend working on cases for the Company is minimal. Unless a code SCU* occurs, an Operative will only pop out a single status report a month.

Then you have your Consultants, R&D, and the Brass. But those are fairly self-explanatory.

(* SCU stands for "Something Came Up". It's a standard joke code in the Company, used to describe any situation that ends with an Agent or Operative spending more time than usual in the field. A similar code is PMO, or "Pissin' Me Off", used to justify Operative action against a civilian.)