get out

Liquefy the barrel and drink it too. Some of the bacteria living on there may have left delicious alcohol as by-products.

>>3942322
Second
Also
FUCK YEAR

Want John back.

OH MY GOD

Holy shit, you're back...

>>3942305

Throw the barrel aside and demand a new one full of delicious alcohol.

Put down the Keg and contemplate what had happened...

Attempt not to vomit

Does it inspire drof rage to smash a barrel with no booze in it?

Time to test our booze-fueled quanter strength if any!

MOAR BOOZE

Activate latent DORF POWERS.

Gain COMPETENCE.

CRITICAL HANGOVER FAILURE

>>drink barrel
The barrel does not even fit in your mug!

>>3942365

break barrel down.

>>3942365
Then eat barrel! Don't be a wimp!

>>break barrel down

>>3942406
Suck on the alcohol soaked wood pieces.

>X-XOM

>>3942417
OHSHI-

>>3942406
This: >>3942357

Ask grandparents for thirds.

F5 F5 F5

This isn't really working at all.

>>3942441

Badgar passersbys about a quest or something.

short Railroad plz?

>>3942441
Make a funny face at grandparents

>>3942441
Make friends with wood. You like wood, don't you?

>>3942459
No, she prefers fish tacos, haven't you been reading?

Remove splinters from tongue

>>3942441
It will work. The intention is to introduce ale yeast to Joan's gastric fauna so she can brew alcohol right inside her stomach whenever she wants.

Attempt to communicate with the yeast colonies on the barrel.

Make a wooden boy out of the planks. Just to replace your lost friend John

>this thread

This is showing why Joan Adventure stopped to start with.

Too much stupid.

Create wooden hat!

>>3942484
;_;

>>3942487
Stupid is the point. It's just fun.

If SDF doesn't want stupid he can railroad for a while.

Joan: Turn into a sergal yourself.

>>3942504
And then find and hug John.

>>3942488
DO IT

>>3942504
>>3942509
i second this

How drunk is Joan?

"Joan! Hey, Joan!"

>>3942530
Molest demon.

>>3942530
Devil Joan tell her to make a wooden hat. It'll be great.

>>3942530
>XOM.COM

ಠ_ಠ

>>3942530
Giantess cunnilingus on shoulder demon.

"You're actually dead. You died from alcohol poisoning."

>>3942530
Place devil Joan in mug.

>>3942563
A tweest.

>>3942563
Cool.

Start preparing your funeral.

>>3942530
DEAD BARREL HAT.

WE MUST HAVE HAT

>>3942563

And then Joan was the demons.

>>3942563
Confirm death with family.

>>3942563
HAUNT EVERYBODY. IT'LL BE HILARIOUS.

>>3942563
Ask Demon if that means we can party with Satan and Xom.

>>3942563
OH NO

>>3942539
...leads you to ExxonMobile's website.

CONSPIRICY

rolled 2 = 2

>>3942563
its delirium tremens. We make out with the tiny hallucination and ride this out.

>>3942590
DOUBLE PENETRATION TIME?!

>>3942563
Punch out Demon.
Wake up

>>3942530
This colony is a bit bigger than expected. Salt it down. Shoulder devils are weak to a good salting and maybe she'll go well as a snack after all that drinking. If you lack salt, throw the barrel remains over your left shoulder instead.

And of course don't believe its lies.

Vomit on Demon.

>>3942625
D'aawwww

Laugh with Mom and hug her.

DO NOT BELIEVE THE DEMON'S LIES!

I'M CAPTAIN BASCH FON RONSENBURG OF DALMASCA!

>>3942625
Look at mom strangely after BAD JOKE

>>3942631
Seconded

>>3942625
do this still
>>3942626

>>3942625
That's not funny.

Scold mother.

>>3942625
Eat puppet.

>>3942625
Throw up violently.

>>3942625
I am amused by Mom's shenanigans.

make out w/ puppet

Ask mom for a John puppet.

>>3942625

Initialize unarmed strike on Mom's face.

>>3942662
Hi, Xom.

>>3942631
this

>>3942625
ಠ_ಠ

Mommy appears to be hug-challenged.

Examine Surroundings.

>>3942690

You must kick her in the ass, Joan.

>>3942690
We got hit for hugging mom?

CRY VIOLENTLY

>>3942690
Make a fake outraged face and then laugh with her.

>>3942706
>You must tap DAT ASS Joan.

>>3942690
Make hat out of Mom

>>3942690
I know that position. Stand on your guard for the xenomorph that will no doubt lunge at you from her guts at any moment now.

>>3942690
what is happen?

>>3942714
>Make a real outraged face and commit assault with battery on the side.

>>3942727
Cunnilingus is happening, bro.

>>3942730

This.

>>3942704
>>a drink for the drawfag
CAPITAL IDEA!

>>3942769
I swear Joan's family is completely retarded.

Joan, just leave town with the nameless avenger.

>>3942769
Holy shit. Use wooden shards and stab grandma right in the face... when you get back, SDF.

Commit incest lesbian sex.

>>3942769

Enter attack mode.

Incapacitate everyone.

rolled 20 = 20

>>3942784

Thread needs some fhtagn in it.

>>3942769

Try and get everyone to calm down and stop fighting.

>>3942769

That's not what I said. That's not what I said at all.

>>3942795

Better yet: Join the fight. Show them you're part of the family breacking some noses.

>>3942788

Oh shi-

>>3942788
>>3942788
>>3942788
>>3942788
>>3942788
>>3942788
THE D20 COMPELS YOU

>>3942788

This is OUGHT to be good.

>>3942787
Joan can't fight. JOHN could but John's probably looking for The Stig.

Don't say that you pussied out?

>>3942769
I want to request an intelligent action(LOL! Joan Quest, intelligent actions!?), but this has me stumped.

Ask Mom and Grandma how they go so strong?

>>3942811

>>3942875
D:

>>3942875

You cockblocker!

I had a raging hardon for BBW drawhorism, but what do I get?

D20 crush? Some new version of card crush?

>>3942875
EAT IT

>>3942875

OH SHI-

Ask some general questions then. How your grandma and Grandpa dorfs met, how they got strong, how the hell you're supposed to get dorfen strength.

>>3942880
>>3942885
...honestly, what did you expect? You knew SDF wasn't going to go along with that.

>>3942885

www.rule34.paheal.net

Get your erection out of here

>>3942875
Ask grandma if there's a way we can become as strong as her.

>>Ask how they got strong

Where is John in all this. Is she ok? Drunk as well? Hiding?

>>3942943

They mated with Elephants, didn't they?

>>3942977
No, look at those massive, bulging eyes. Bulging FISH eyes. That "dwarf" is just a carp wearing a helmet and the skin of a dead dwarf (courtesy of the carp, of course) to infiltrate dwarf society.

In a few generations we'll have dwarven deep ones (carp ones? )

>>3942990
carpthulhu?

>>3942977
They mated with sergals, didn't they?

>>3943006
Elephants mated with sergals?

>>3942990
Not a dorf. He's a barbarian

"You lost me."

>>3943040
Then how did you get so dumb?

>>3943016
A viking.

>>3943040
ask why Joan isn't strong like them?

>>3943040
illustrate your -4 str

>>3943040
Oh, I get it. They have no brains; it's retard strength.

Pass out?

>>3943040

FFFFUUUUUUUUUUU-

Ask if you can go on a grand adventure and gain the STRENGTH OF YOUR ANCESTORS.

We'll be fighting REHSUS MONKEYS and GIANT KILLER CARP

>>3943051
I thought that was obvious? Our father is the son of two gay Hitler clones.

>>3943040
Ask about the time sergals spilt the dorf's beer.

>>3943065
So we get super powers if we do meth?

She just lifted a whole barrel of beer... she must be getting stronger already.

>>3943107
If "losing our teeth" is a super power.

>>ask why Joan isn't strong like them?
"THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU DON'T EAT YOUR PORRIDGE LIKE YOU WERE TOLD TO."

>>3943120
Fuck you, grandad ;_;

>>3943120

PANSY ASS

HERE IN COLD NORTH, WE EAT WOLVES FOR BREAKFAST, BEARS FOR DINNER AND LYNXES FOR SNACKS!

DID I MENTION THAT WE EAT NAILS IN OUR PORRIDGE?

>>3943141
You'll never grow big and strong if you keep skipping lunch.

>>3943152

DID I MENTION THAT WE EAT FUCKING SNAKES FOR DINNER? ADDERS! THEN WE POUR THE VENOM ON OUR MEAD THEN WE CHUG IT DOWN.

>>3943175
FOR DESERT< WE DIVE INTO THE OCEAN AND WRESTLE SHARKS, THEN EAT THEM! RAW! UNDERWATER!

>>3943175
Bears and snakes on the same plate? Sounds revolting.

>>3943120
Ask if there's any porrige on the table.

Panic! Eat porridge?

>>3943216
Eat the bowl as well just in case.

fucking porridge

>>3943239
>fuck the porridge.
Fixed.

>>3943120
Did Granddad just pull a gendo face?

It's quiet.

Too quiet.

Sooo.... thread died?

>>3943375
Everyone has made their suggestions, be patient.

>>3943380
The only valid one being "Eat Porrige"

>>3943186

YOU ARE JUST NOT MANLY ENOUGH

EVERY SATURDAY, WE HUNT DOWN TEN ADDERS WITH OUR BARE HANDS, WRAP IT IN ELK SKIN AND THROW IT ON KIUAS, THEN WE HAVE A GOOD RELAXIN' MOMENT IN SAUNA.

AFTER THAT, WE EAT THOSE STEAMED SNAKES AND HAVE TIME OF OUR LIVES.

You fail to locate porridge.

>>3943406

Eat the pork looking thingy..

>>3943396
Well that doesn't change the fact that you skip lunch every day.

>>3943406
EAT BOAR
TAKE ITS STRENGTH

>>3943406
slay the boar for XP!

>>3943406
Then eat the ANGRY PIG FOOD

>>3943406
Drink the X--- liquid. It's most definitely XOM juice.

>>3943406
Check status on stomach.

Are we still hungry?

We need to worry about our GIRLISH FIGURE.

>>3943417

WE EAT ANYTHING FOR LUNCH THAT CAN BE FOUND IN FORESTS, HELL WE COULD HUNT LAKE TROLLS IF THEY WEREN'T ENDANGERED BECAUSE OF THIS.

>>3943406
That boar looks angry enough to be an angry marine's lunch. Eat it!

Oh and tell gramps you'll make sure to eat your porridge.

>>3943406

That boar looks pissed. Check that it's actually dead.

>>Check status on stomach.
You view is blocked.

>>3943461
If our shirt is blocking our view, we should remove it. This is the only logical course of action.

>>3943461
Do we feel full?

Feel stomach for fullness.

>>3943474
agreed

>>3943461
Find MIRROR

>>3943461
>Joan cancels check stomach, interrupted by HUGE TATS

EAT THE NEAREST THING

Remove shirt, examine stomach.

Use CINEMATIC WIPE to ADVANCE to PLOT-RELEVANT scene!

SUDDENLY YOU HEAR A VERY LOUD AND SHARP EXPLOSION.

>>3943552
>sharp
but we are so blurred.

>>3943552

Investigate!

>>3943552
Run away. Grab boar as light snack on the way.

>>3943537
We have a plot?

You observe the window!

>>3943552
Let's see where EXPLOSION fits on the flowchart...

Can you drink it? No.
Are you sure? Yes.
Can you eat it? No.
Are you sure? Pretty sure... might need to experiment.
Can you hit it? No.
Are you sure? Yes.

Result: Ignore it and find something alcoholic.

>>3943589
Get John in!

>>3943589
>>3943598
EXPERIMENT! Eat explosion.

>>3943589
Raindance.

Make sure to grab John along the way!

I thought we were done with this shit.

Where is John?

We need to make sure that she isn't freaking out.

John is outside you guys!

>>3943589
INVESTIGATE!

>>Get John in!
John not found.

Incidentally, the same goes for your electricity since half a second ago.

Why would lightning make a generator go out?

>>3943669

Grab an umbrella and go look for John.

Be sure to take a weapon.

>>3943697
instead, break into a dance and sing, "I'm singing in the rain!"

Say "I have to go find my dog. :(" to family.

Get umbrella and go look for her.

Sad violin music plays.

Grab umbrella and FLASHLIGHT

Go look for John

>>3943728
where's the ???? between these two actions?

SEARCH for GRUES

John is alone outside in the rain and dark :(

Poor John

Call to John.

Call to John now.

>>3943693
Don't go outside. Wait until the rain stops and it's daytime again. There's zombies and headcrabs and headcrab zombies out there, don't want to get eaten

>>3943781
>There's zombies and headcrabs and headcrab zombies out there

We need to save our dog! D:

>>3943748
Don't you remember how we found her? John IS the dark.

Wouldn't a raincoat be better than an umbrella?

Don't want to be struck by lightning.

>>3943807
John is Batman?

Dance in the rain. Might as well put that white shirt to use.

>>Go look for John
"No. It's late and you wouldn't find your dog in this storm anyway."

>>3943813
Agreed. Joan has critical everything failure, it would be just like her to get struck by lightning.
Also: sou'wester. Even Joan can't CRITICAL HAT FAILURE a sou'wester.

>>3943859
fuck that. go look anyway.

>>3943859
Protest.

>>3943859
Leave house in dark.
????
Get eaten by Grue.

Your dog is being skinned alive.

Get over with it.

>>3943859
Make out passionately with grandmother in a desperate cry for affection.

>>3943882
>Leave house in dark.
>????
>Get raepd by Grue in sexy guro-ish scene.

>>3943859
DISREGARD AND FIND JOHN.

Ask grandma to tell us a story about something cool.

I'm getting the feeling that the grandparents really are out to get us.

Go find John. She's trustworthy.

>>3943859
Protest like a GENTLEMAN

>>Protest.
Protest failure.

>>3943975
Cry and miss John.

>>3943990
Cry, miss John, then sneak out when they think we're asleep.

>>3943975
Wait until grandma leaves and schlick to mental images of John.

>>3943975
Distract grandma with delicious cake.
While grandma is distracted, snap her neck.
Hide body in locker.
Get to computer and upload data to Otacon.
Blow up Metal Gear.

Give her OD of her medication, AKA poison her.

Knock her out, hit to the head, sleeping pills or whatever. Knock that hag out.

Go out looking for John.

Family will soon come looking for you. Hopefully they will find both you and John, as you are incapable of success on your own.

>>3943975
Revert to old coping methods, masturbate until we pass out.

>>3943975
LIKE A GENTLEMAN YOU COMMONER

>>3944013

SNAKE!?

Also, opt to spend the night. If it's that dangerous outside, then it's probably best to rest for now, and try and get Mom, Grandma and Grandad in on the search early in the morning.

Sweet Dreams, Joan. John will come back after she's had a good sulk.

All you can do is cry yourself to sleep.

>>3944167
Dream of being a Sergal and finding John.

>>3944179
This.

>>3944167
MASTURBATE.
MASTURBATE yourself to sleep.

God, it's like you've never heard of continuity before!

>>3944202
Seconding. (Thirding?)

>>3944167

Dream of being an awesome viking who doesn't take trouble from anyone and eats all the trollhams she wants.

Wake up to depressing reality.

>>3944220
Too depressed to masturbate.

Inb4 nightmare of losing John forever before we wake up to find John tapping on the window.

>>3944179
>>3944202
>>3944221
>Dream of being a sergal and finding John

Sounds like a plan.

>>3944226
BULLSHIT.

>>3944167

Go to sleep.

>>3944255
Did she try to make a hat out of her panties again?

>>3944305
Her painties are blue pinstripe.

>>3944316
Look at window!

Let John inside if that is John!

>>3944320
Then whose panties are they?

>>3944316
LET JOHN INSIDE!

She's a sad puppy out in the rain...

>>3944316
let her in!

>>3944316
Oh god poor John...

Wake up, Joan! Let her inside!

Please...

>>3944340
nobodies, it was a hat made from a CHANG poster

>>3944316
YOU'RE A TEENAGER, REBELL THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR (GRAND)PARENTS!

>>Look at window!

>>3944427
LET JOHN INSIDE

>>3944427
open the window

>>3944427
LET JOHN INSIDE

HUG TIGHTLY

Mock John's plight. Flash tits. Do not open window.

>>3944427
Let puppy in. Wear as hat.

>>3944484
Fuck you.

Let John inside and get some towels.

Grab towel/hairdrier, dry John.

You hurry to let John in.

>>3944506
HUG TIGHTLY

>>3944510
Yes!

Hug John to show affection and get your very white, very thin T-shirt wet!

>>3944506
Say "Hooray! You're as pathetic as I am!"

>>3944506
HUG TIME.

>>3944506
inb4 it's not John, it's Tom the Sergal from pt 48

Hug John. Dry him up and use your own body to keep him warm..in your bed..yes that's right.

>>towel John
>>hug John

>>3944553
Tom had stripes instead of shading.
>>3944557
Seconding. Hug tightly... in bed.

>>3944560
Continue hugging and drying.

>>3944560
Hug, dry off, whisper "I really missed you, John... you really worried me..."

>>3944560

D'aww.

Tell John you're sorry, and offer to sleep cuddled up close.

>>3944560
Drunkenly vomit on Sergal

>>3944595
I wouldn't say we're sorry. She was the one acting like a bitch.

But, we did miss her, so let's say that and omit the rest.

>>3944580
This one.

Throw up.

>>3944637
Smack John on the nose.

>>3944637
Hug John and smile.

>>3944637

Oh my. What is John doing under there?

>>3944637
Take off shirt, hug John.

>>3944637
Why were we wearing a shirt to bed anyways? Remove it!

Then lock the door.

>>3944637
Take off shirt, pet John's cheek, smile.

>>3944637
Poke John till she stops

Because she is being really silly

>>3944693
You want her to stop? Madness...

>>3944560
Jedi Sergal.

>>3944580
Your posts are fucking creepy.

Bring John to bed to cuddle. clothing optional.

Before you can take off your shirt, you accidentally go to bed and fall asleep. After shooting John with a blowdryer.

>>3944756
ಠ_ಠ

>>3944756
"John.... get your.... uh... out of there"

>>3944756
Um, okay. Dream?

>>3944756
@%&*##!!!
...dream of John? Wake up refreshed for a new day of adventure?

>>3944756
It took fourteen minutes to draw a black box?

>>3944809
Methinks he was drawing something naughtier and got fed up with it.

You dream of unicorn.

Hell yeah! Unicorn power!
Enjoy dream. Restore HP save game..wake up?

>>3944853
>unicron

>>3944853
Awesome. Wake up?

>>3944853
Is that a lorica segmentata and typical roman red cape?

>>3944853
A unicorn, you say?

>miserable john at window
>miserable joan at everything

>>Wake up?
Your dreaming is TO BE CONTINUED!

I knew they were Cylons. :(

>>3944984
Really? Short thread today.

Not complaining, means I can take a nap.

Thanks for the thread, SDF!

Nooo!
Ah well. SDF, thanks for making part of my workday enjoyable.

DO YOU WANT TO SAVE YOUR GAME?

Y/N?

Yes, save.

Goodnight, /tg/, and thanks for the thread SDF, I'm going to my weekly D&D session.