MAKE HAT OUT OF SUN

[x]punch sun

2 SCOOPS OF RAISINS! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

Patriotic Comrade Cloud Cover, however, answers the nation's call and saves the day!

>>4004500
Thanks clouds, fuck you sun

THE DAWN IS MY ENEMY

>>4004500
He give his life for motherland! HE IS GREAT HERO!
TODAY IS PATRIOTIC COMRADE CLOUD COVER DAY. ALL OBSERVE NOBLE SACRIFICE OF GREAT HERO OF MOTHERLAND, DA?

>>4004500
Oh wow, I just noticed the cloud's face.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

MOTHERLAND!

You are gently awoken by John!

>>4004525
We're a hemophiliac, aren't we?

>>4004525
John's back? Awwright!

>>4004525
hug John

>>4004525
John looks uncharacteristically happy. Yay John.

Wrestle with John!

Ask John to not pierce the skin next time he decides to wake us.

Don't bite so hard you silly sergal!

>>Wrestle with John!
You are duly defeated!

>>4004584
Recover from spinal injury

>>4004584
her eyes are creepy

YOU WIN!

PERFECT!

>>4004584
Curse your boobgrab technique!

>>4004584
ROUND TWO
HHEAVEN OR HELL
LET'S ROCK

>>4004584
get naked to distract John, then lay the smack-down on her.

>>4004584
FLAWLESS VICTORY

>>4004584
Hee hee
John is groping her boob.

HOORAY FOR JOHN

HOORAY FOR CLOUD COVER

HOORAY FOR SIR DOUBLE SHOGGOTH!

Dammit John, you can't do a backbreaker on someone by using their tits for a grip.

>>4004633
Shhh! We dare not speak His name, for we risk summoning His Ire.

Ask John to train us in the fine art of hand-to-hand combat.

Allocate Joan's Skillpoints so that she learns Super Atomic Buster

As spinal injuries recover from you, you somehow, entirely inexplicably, find yourself in the kitchen with an utterly unnatural goal in your mind: breakfast.
However, you cancel finding breakfast, interrupted by two boxes and a note on the table.

>>4004646
>hand-to-boob combat

fix'd

>>4004659
READ NOTE!

>>4004659
The note clearly isn't important.

Get breakfast elsewhere.

>>4004659
the note.


ignore it.

>>4004659
Are the boxes metal?

>>4004659

Okay... not to fuck this up...

EAT JOHN

HUG NOTE

READ BOX

>>4004659
You know what you have wrought.
READ NOTE
HUG BOX
HUG NOTE
READ BOX
OPEN BOX
OPEN NOTE
HUG JOHN
READ JOHN
OPEN JOHN

>>4004662
>boob-to-boob combat

Fixed.

>>4004672
BOX JOHN

>>4004672
You fool! Now he can just pick the one that fits the railroad!

Use boxes to make fort. Blow your nose on note.

With your final words, cry "Hastur, Hastur, Hastur!"

>>4004659
READ NOTE
READ BOX
READ JOHN
READ JOAN
READ TABLE
READ CEILING
READ FLOOR
READ BREAKFAST
READ FOURTH WALL

BREAD JOHN

TOAST JOHN
HUG BREAD

Just... read the note. Then go eat some porridge like gramps told us unless it was something IMPORTANT.

Craft hat from boxes!

>>hug note

Read note.

Open boxes.

Inspect contents.

>>4004726

Roll up note and smoke it, mon.

>>4004726
Open box. Check if dorfen dagger menaces with spikes of obsidian.

>>4004726
ELFS!

WE MUST BE CAUTIOUS!

>>4004726
Check the "calcutor", see if you can actually handle the dagger without hurting yourself.

Share specks of tomato juice from note with John.
It's important to get John used to the taste of tomato juice.

>Find computer
>Turn on Computer
>Turn on internet
>Open Browser
>Search definition of "Calcutor"

>>4004726
Why do I get the feeling that the dagger will glow because Gay Hitler Clone grandparents were part elf?

READ THE NOTE
READ THE NOTE
READ THE NOTE
READ THE NOTE
READ THE NOTE

Let John taste blood from note, have her compare it with your bloods taste for ancestry proof.

Check our character sheets! Can we use said axe?

>>4004804
GODDAMN LOOK AT THAT DAGGER

IS IT GLOWING?

>>4004804
READ AXE

>>4004804
That's no dagger! It's a space station!

>>4004804
I don't think equipping it is such a good idea. We don't have any scrolls of identify or remove curse.

>>4004804

THE BOX IS AN ELF

CUT THE BOX!

Get you and John some breakfast. Use the axe to procure it.

YAY YAY YAY

Fuck man, I love you. I have a day off and it's fucking JoanTime!

Examine Calcutor

What is the damned thing?

Half calculator, half evil robot?

I AM CALCUTOR THE NUMBER CRUNCHER!

The dorfen dagger is not glowing. It is, however, of the finest craftsdorfship and the finish is reflecting light in a dorfishly beautiful way.
You can tell just by looking at it that by owning it you are quite rich in dorfish terms.

Use axe to DESTORY PUNY BOX

>>4004880
Before you DESTROY PUNY BOX, why don't we find that calculator.

>>4004880

train thyself in the art of dorf dagger fighting.

somehow.

Make an omelette out of the axe. Dorf metal is delicious.

DAMN! WHY NOW WHEN I NEED TO GO TO CLASS!?!?

Anyways, thank you SDF for not canning this. I love Joan Adventure

>>4004902
The PUNY BOX is looking at us funny. We cannot let it live.

Calcutors are for puny elfs! We have a dorfen dagger! Smash that box!

STAB JOHN
DO IT NOW

>>4004880

Find enemy. Test dagger.

>>4004902
Yeah we may need that calculator..

>>4004804
Calcutor = joint?

Wait til you get a better oppurtunity, miasma degrades lawns.

>>4004880

Fuck Yeah, now we are talking!

>>4004880
Ruin the house with it.

>>4004880

Calculator hat! Calculator hat!

You open the other box and find the "calcutor". You recognize it from an ancient scripture as none other but *THE* HC1000A. You remember from the text that this laptop was so durable that even a warrior cult known as the "USMC" could use these.
It was also so powerful that it could run a Fortress Simulation with over 250 dorfs and two cats.

>>4004982
It is time to join our dorfen anscestors, do the rain dance.

Use axe, kill John.

rolled 3 = 3

>>4004996
DO IT RIGHT FAGGOT
TIME IN NIGH QWE HAVE THE CHANCE TO KILL IT

>>4004982
Holy shit, 2 cats? GOD MACHINE

WE HAVE THE OMNISSIAH
TIME TO START UP THE ADEPTUS MECHANICUS

rolled 19 = 19

So much fail. Become a dwarf go on a crazed rampage.

>>4004982

>warrior cult known as the "USMC" could use these.

...Not sure if reference to Halo or not. Or just the Standard USMC. Still can't decide it.

>>4004982
FUCK YEAR CALCULATOR

OPEN CALCULATOR!

>>4004982

Crack it open with the axe.

Search for treasure!

Meh, fuck John, slice him with the axe.

>>4004990
Rainin dance! Also, try to grow a beard. Throw axe at John.

kill John, fcuking furfags

>>4005008
John is a she.
And no, don't. We just spent multiple threads trying to get John back after throwing bologna at her, no need to fuck it up now.

>>4005005
Hell, I'm just glad Joan didn't chop the box in half.

Take Dagger and Calcutor
Store in closet for future use.

rolled 14 = 14

Don't kill JOhn! Use dagger to subdue her then ride her like a horse!

>>4004982
PLAY DORF FORTRESS AND BECOME A NECKBEARD

>>4005005
Halo is UNSC

rolled 19 = 19

I like the rain dance idea. Maybe some elves will fall out of teh sky.

Stop rolling so much faggots. kill the furry. I'm sick of sergals in this story. GIVE US A FUCKING ROBOT AGAIN

PLAY DORF FORTRESS

>>4005042

No Anonymous, you are the robots.

Place sergal in simulation
Breed sergal warriors

Guys, we wait until there is no possibility of miasma, THEN WE STRIKE.

Wait to kill him, then we get the raepbot.

>>4005042
The only robot so far STOLE OUR SHIT AND TRIED TO KILL US. Then we made a hat out of its corpse

rolled 6 = 6

Rain dance. But for god's sake put down the dagger first.

>>4005056
brilliant idea
we must do the rain dance to distract it!

Put the calcutor and dagger somewhere safe, ask John what she wants for breakfast, make that and some porridge to get HUGE.

>>4005062
JOAN used RAIN DANCE!
It started raining.
JOHN used MUCKIN ABOUT!
It's super effective!

Someone is at the door! You can tell because you can see the doorbell's sound.

>>4005073

Nowhere is safe, the world is out to get us.

But do this anyway.

>>4005089
Use our new-found powers of sound-seeing for the betterment of mankind by answering the door.

>>4005089
You bitch.
Answer it.
Do the rain dance.

Open calculator, connect to internets, browse 4chan.

>>4005089
We can see sound?
Praise the Omnissiah!

rolled 2 = 2

Don't answer the door, do the fucking rain dance. I want some fucking elves.

>>4005089

While holding the dagger (try to be discreet) go to the door and ask who it is (loudly, but politely).

>>4005097
>rain dance
>Rain dance
>RAPE dance

>>4005089
Grab dagger, tell John to come with you, check who it is (without opening the door).

Well to do rain dance we must go outside, thus opening door anyway. TO THE DOOR!!!

rolled 13 = 13

>>4005110
RAAAAPPPPEEEE
Yell RAPPPPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE and wildly swing the axe!

>>4005098
Hi. Can you please get out of my head? It's very disconcerting, and I keep getting random thoughts about haberdashery. Oh, John says hi, too.

>>4005089
Keep dagger
approach door.

check dagger to see if glowing

if not, open door.

Holster Dagger in waistband of back of pants (Or belt if available). Answer door.

>>4005118
Capital idea! We need the room to do the ancient Sergal summoning ritual.

Let the Rain dance commence!

>>4005126
OH GOD

I CAN SEE FOREVER

>>4005126
No talking, bitch.
Open door, rain dance, etc.

>>4005138
I'm not going to do a rain dance. Or a Rain dance. I like breathing too much, however feebly I might do so.

>>4005089
Oh, we have synesthesia now? What does our own voice look like?

>>4005146
You resistance only makes my penis harder.

You open the door, but your dance is interrupted!

>>4005157
Scuse me, but what is your head doing between Joan's boobs?

>>4005157
HUG THE INTRUDER

>>4005154
Sh-shut up! It's not like I enjoy having voices in my head or anything!

>>4005157
Pull unknown person out of boobs

>>4005165
Then hug!

>>4005157
Nice hand, FAGGOT.

Hug and grope. This is the proper way to greet strangers.

>>4005157
Hi, sis

>>4005157
Politely move person inhabiting breasts away from breasts.

>>4005157

The shit are you?

>>4005157
Wait a tick, isn't that us? Groping us?
PIME TARADOX

"Joan! Where have you been?"

>>4005167
Are you sure? You don't seem very sure to me. Enjoy the voices, let the sweet melody of chaos ring inside your head and spread throughout your body.

FUCK THIS SHIT.

I'M TAKING OVER.

>START PUNCHING. EVERYWHERE. LIKE THE FIST OF THE NORTH STAR.

>>4005187
It's even worse when the voices in my head have names.

>>4004982
>>It was also so powerful that it could run a Fortress Simulation with over 250 dorfs and two cats.
>>Fortress Simulation with over 250 dorfs and two cats.
>>250 dorfs and two cats.
>>two cats.
>>2cats
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL 2CAT!

Answer in a French accent.

>>4005157
Joan must make will save to avoid enjoying it.

>>4005197
Watching mom kill dad on accident. And getting a new pet. And getting amnesia. By the way, who are you?

rolled 19 = 19

Eat a bag of poop.

>>4005197
"A robot made by my pedophile hitler daddy kidnapped me and i allied with that sergal over there to escape. Then mom found us and punched daddy sending his brain flying out of his head."

>>4005171
No, hug before she can get away!

is it me or does Joan seems taller?

>>4005197

Mega-Joan?

>>4005215
No.

Crush John into cube.

rolled 6 = 6

>>4005209
Rolling will save.

>>4005197

Her own clone! Now neither of then will be virgins!

>>4005235
Fine then. Don't eat a bag of poop. We will stop talking to you. Forever. You will have no friends - no one will ever love you like we did, not even your parents.

You explain that you vere le avay on le adventuré.

>>4005252
Neither of them are virgins.

Because of John.

Examine the intruder. Examine every inch; with a magnifying glass - clothing is optional.

>>4005261
Well, the clone might be. We must remedy this situation immediately.
After that, though, ask them who the hell they are.

Seriously, look at the person in front of us.

>>4005239
I don't know if that's a success or fail.
>Save - Nothing happens
>Fail - Joan mentally considers career as wet nurse?

I think we should go back and get dressed in our x-xom outfit.

>>4005258

YOU ARE A SPY.

DEAR GOD, YOU'VE WORN THE SKIN OF THE SPY, NOW YOU ARE THE SPY.

Now invite the guest in and make some idle chit chat. Chop some bread up with your new dagger.

Invite inter-groper in for tea and briskets.
Find out inter-groper's story.

>>4005279
Critical fail - immediate lesbian sex.

>>4005256
W-wait! D-don't leave yet! I...I'm not sure what I should do right now! I-I just need to figure out what to do first! Stupid voices.

>>4005282
Do we have an om nom outfit, because we still need some breakfast.

optional: invite stranger in to talk over bacon and eggs

>>4005292
Why don't you sleep in the nude? It's the best way to sleep.

>>4005308
i sleep in the nude.
unless im at a friends house. then i sleep fully clothed

>>4005292
Much better.
First, you need to draft a plan for your future. Then, as part of said plan, you need to pick a career with good pay and benefits; after all, we, voices, don't like to be trapped inside an insane asylum.

Second, well, you need to eat a bag of poop. Trust us, we know what we're talking about.
So, get to it, chop chop.

Ask the intergroper to talk about their day, but orgasm every time they used the word "the"

The responses in this thread are the only thing wrong with Joanquest.

Invite stranger to breakfast. Question as to who she is and what she's up to. Keep John from raping her.

>>4005324
Critical orgasm failure, Joan passes out.

>>4005308
B-because..the cameras everywhere! That's it! The cameras! It's the security system Grandma and Grandpa had installed last night! Don't know why the images are showing up on an anonymous message board, along with the thoughts in my head, though. Or why there's several cameras in my room...

just wondering, this "Joan"
is it sirdoublefaggot talking? or another anon?

>>4005342
you like the camera's enjoy the attention.

>>4005358
IT IS A MYSTERY

>>4005358
Another Anon, I bet

You observe the cleavage-intruder, who seems inexplicably familiar. She seems quite exited, but distracted in your thoughts you only hear the last thing she says before stopping to wait for you to say something:
"Oh yeah, if you read the incantation wrong even a little, then aside from the spell not working you actually LOSE strenght. I know you'd never do it wrong but I thought you might want to know anyway."

>>4005373
Slap her, then hug her.

>>4005319
I'll do the first part, but I refuse to do the second part, Named Voice. I will NOT eat a bag of feces, of any kind.

I'm thinking about going into Pest Control, though I need to get a lot stronger to be able to exterminate those pesky zombies. Does that pay well enough?

>>4005373
WE LOST STRENGHT

HOW CAN WE GET BACK STRENGHT?

>>4005381
then start crying saying how much you missed her, while getting her name wrong on purpose

>>4005373
Ask her to repeat it since you were busy being thraumatized by your aventure.

>>4005373
Is that Faith from Mirro's Edge.

>>4005373
Well, that clears up the CRITICAL EVERYTHING FAILURE.
Still, we're an amnesiac. Who IS this person?

>>4005373
Read the book that was given to us, but upside down. That way nothing bad could happen.

>>4005373
OPS

I WOULD HAVE LIKED TO KNOWN THAT AHEAD OF TIME

>>4005373
say
"sorry, didnt quite catch that, could you repeat what you said?"
followed by "on my adventures, an evil sorcerer said he was going to wipe my memory of the thing that mattered most to me.... who are you?"

>>4005373

FFFFFFFFFFFFFF

THAT'S HOW WE LOST OUR DORFEN MIGHT

Ask about counter spells available. Also, try and find some GOD DAMN FOOD SDF, GOD DAMN, JOHN & JOAN ARE STARVING.

>>4005373
SORRY, BUT I DID IT WRONG

NOW I FAIL

>>4005340
/tg/ in a nutshell
It really goes without saying

>>4005388
Eh, I tried.

Fine, fine, you can go into pest control. If those zombies eat your brain though, I swear, I WILL have to choke a bitch - namely, you.

Oh, and, I heard they have some good employment opportunities in Black Mesa; you should send in a resume.

>>4005372
IT IS A MISTERY

>>4005373
Invite her for breakfast, let her introduce herself to John while you make something... and make sure you hear it.

>>4005373

Can we has name?

>>4005408
What are you talking about? They stuffed their faces just yesterday in some delicious whatever it was.

GET NEGATIVE STRENGHT
????
PROFIT

- 4 Strength

>>4005423
oh yeah, one meal in 2 days.
we must be stuffed!

>>4005408
Not to mention we might be hung over as we drank an entire barrel of alcohol in the last thread.

>>4005443
ALCOHOL FUELS PASSION DON'T YOU KNOW THAT
WE SHOULD HAVE TOLD HER TO DANCE NAKED
FUUUCK

>>4005412
Isn't that the Applied SCIENCE! firm that went under a few weeks ago? I heard that their rival bought what wasn't submerged, and they aren't hiring.

>>4005443
A mighty case of the shits is on the way.
Especially if Joan's lost her dwarven strength.

>>4005450
What, huh?
Look, I'm just a fucking voice in your head, don't expect *me* to know everything. Although, hey, I know of this wonderful, magical place; they are *always* looking for new people. To work. Yeah.
It's called /d/, you can find it at your nearest computer terminal - they have ponies, unicorns, ponicorns, and the various ways to make a ponicorn. With tentacles.
Yeah, um, you should totally send in your resume.

>>4005406
how has no one noticed how slick what this guy said was? do it SDF
>>4005475
i agree, to /d/ with you

>>4005475
Oh shut up, you wicked swine! Always trying to mentally unbalance the poor thing. You should be ashamed.

>>4005475
I'm not interested in small horses or horned horses, nor the crossbreed between the two. I'll look into it though and OH GOD THAT THING'S LIKE TWO FEET LONG. Why do you do this to me, evil named voice in my head?

>>4005508
Because he IS the evil voice inside your head? Maybe you should pay less attention. Or not, I don't really care as long as we see tits in the long run.

So are we getting another thread? We didn't even get a TO BE CONTINUED...

wow...
sure has been a while since the last picture...

Dear headvoices:
PIC RELATED.

>>4005517
>>4005500
>>4005475

Can't all of you just be quiet. The girl needs to eat, not listen to us.

We don't really give any good advice anyway.

>>4005508
Just try your best to ignore us dear, i fear we're gonna have to squabble for a while.

>>4005508
Because I can. Ha ha. HA ha ha ha. HA ha ha ha ha!
You get the idea.
Hey, also, next time you have a chance, stab John in the eye with a shark object. The other voices been tellin' me that sergals like that sort of thing.

>>4005560
>shark object

brilliant!.jpg

>>4005549
>>4005549

Oh you. The RP fags are out.

>>4005549
I think the girl needs some rest. The bad side of her genes is starting to show...
>>4005557
Fine...

>>4005549

My dear, you look tired. You could use a nap.

>>4005549
Tell the lovely lady that a spell misfired and now your tits are huge and your strength is null. Ask her if she can fix it.

>>4005549
Invite breasttruder in, try and catch her name.

Ask stranger for her name. Get details on what exactly we were trying to do.

>>4005602
>your tits are huge
You know, I think she noticed that.

Goddamnit, give SDF a break

Is our new friend the titty monster chick?

>>4005602
Don't forget about the amnesia!

>>4005657
No, Joan, you are the titty monster.
>>4005602
You want to fix Joan's tits? Fuck you man.

Change into normal clothing after asking the intruder's name.

>>4005373
Is this her sister?

>>4005669
And the amnesia!

Why is joanthread on pg 4?

>>4005751
Who the fuck are you?
Wait. Who the fuck am I?

ah, autosage...

but why do we not have "to be continued" yet?

>200 posts and 5 image replies omitted. Click Reply to view.

>>4005767
Autosage.

You people are so unproductive.

Ask new person who she is, and also why she greeted us in the form of molestation.

I just walked in here and what the hell do I find?

Delete some of your posts, people. Like, all of them.

Joan: Aks the intruder for her name. Futurama style.

Try not to excessively fag up >>4005817

>>4005814
>Futurama style
Flying kick to the head?