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  • File :1237749693.jpg-(32 KB, 460x300, arnold-schwarzenegger-body-building.jpg)
    32 KB Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)15:21 No.4050748  
    Oh god, /tg/. This is either the best or the worst idea I've ever had.
    Since our last game finished (an extremely awesome "monster of the week" style D20 future game, where we were exploring the perils of 4th dimensional travel), our DM has declared that the next game will be back in 3.5 DnD. He hasn't told us much of the setting yet, but as I was running through character concepts, I had the worst/best idea ever.

    Victor "The Sorcelator" Quaid, a wizard who casts entirely in Schwarzenegger-esque puns.

    "Witness my magic, it never miss-les!"(Magic missle)
    "You're burning up, let me give you a hand!"(Burning hands)
    "Prepare yourself for my hurled wide web!"(Web)
    "This'll give me some time to reflect!"(Mirror image)

    Ideally, the goal is to have so many puns that the other players try to jam a spoon in my trachea just to make it stop. However, I'm only one neckbeard, so I figured I'd ask you guys for some help.

    tl;dr Help me come up with DnD spell name puns, /tg/.
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)15:25 No.4050773
    Ah, this spell, it is very ICE-STORM
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)15:25 No.4050782
    Say hello to my little friend (any summoning spell, such as mount)
    I hope you left enough room for my fist, because i'm going to ram it into your stomache! (tensers transformation)
    Take a look at my ROCK HARD ABS! (stoneskin)
    You see this rope? I'm going to shove it STRAIGHT THROUGH THE UNIVERSE! (rope trick)
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)15:29 No.4050822
    Any Cold based spell + any one liner from Batman & Robin = profit
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)15:32 No.4050843
    You must speak in a heavy Austrian accent at all times. To wit:
    Summon M1: "Ai'm Sarry to Badger you!" (always badgers, all the time)
    Shocking grasp: "Shocking, isn't it?"
    Color Spray: "You're looking pale, this'll gihve you sam Cahlor!"
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)15:33 No.4050856
         File :1237750384.png-(59 KB, 407x405, puns.png)
    59 KB
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)15:33 No.4050858
    o god I lawled
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)15:33 No.4050859
    This is the best character concept ever.
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)15:38 No.4050888
    god dammit i lolled
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)15:39 No.4050898
    Enlarge person: "Ah'm going to pamp... *claps* ...you Ap!"
    Flaming Sphere:"Ah must be on faer, Cauz Ai'm on a rohl!"
    Scorching Ray:"This wans a bit of a Scorchar!"
    Blur:"This cahmbat, it's a bit of a Blur!"
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)15:41 No.4050913
    So horrible, and yet I still laughed.
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)15:43 No.4050936
    I'm shit at puns, but I'd suggest trying to get two or three per spell, and more if you plan to use a spell a lot. Lots of varied puns is fine. The same puns over and over again... Oh, wait, you want to do something which'll get you stabbed? Repeat puns as often as possible.
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)15:43 No.4050945
    Explosive runes: "This one's a great read, I'm sure you'll have a blast!"
    Knock:"I'll open the door, all I have to do is Knock."
    Prot. From energy:"It's good your full of energy, I brought some protection!"
    Dispel magic: "You thought that magic was clever? Then check out Dis Spell!"
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)15:46 No.4050968
    The Knock joke works better when you DEMOLISH a door.

    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)15:52 No.4051026
    Op here: I might be able to. I'm trying to make this the strongest wizard imaginable. A Mr. Cosmos, if you will.
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)15:53 No.4051038
    I did this with a d20 future character that I rolled 18 Str, 18 Con and 6 Wis for. Shit was indeed so cash. He carried at least three guns with him wherever he went; by the end of the game after looting old imperial ships (he was obsessed with restoring a dead high tech militaristic empire) he was carrying around the equivilant of a melta rocket launcher, melta gun, plasma gun, grenade launcher, and necron guass blaster.

    He once got crushed delivering the final blow against a giant robot dragon (a corporate mascot); as the huge bulk fell towards him, he said "Thanks a TON" before being squashed. Amazingly, he survived. When he clambered out of the wreckage half an hour later, one of the other PCs asked how the hell he'd managed to survive getting out the wreckage. His response:

    "It was heavy going"
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)15:53 No.4051050
         File :1237751636.jpg-(9 KB, 280x292, AUUUUUUUGHHHHH.jpg)
    9 KB
    >Dispel magic: "You thought that magic was clever? Then check out Dis Spell!"
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)15:56 No.4051073
    Remember that thread several weeks back when the guy rolled all 18s for his D&D character in front of the GM? This is what he should have made.
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)15:57 No.4051087
    >You could say....*glasses*...it was HEAVY GOING.
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)15:59 No.4051105
    Take the Lost Tradition feat, get Str Magic
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)16:04 No.4051140
    C'mon, no ones going to do it
    "This ones to die for"
    Death magic..
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)16:06 No.4051167
    See you later...

    Then get one of the party to be eaten by invisible alligator
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)16:09 No.4051199
    I hope i don't Boar you
    Summon Boar
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)16:12 No.4051234


    Ok, you suck, just leave /tg/ and never return.
    >> Adeptus Munitorum Magus O'Grady 03/22/09(Sun)16:16 No.4051263
    No, religion jokes. Use a massive evocation spell to blow someone's door apart. Walk through the rubble "Have you accepted the Lord Drz'zt Christ as your savior?"
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)16:25 No.4051346
    My gawd /tg/ my gawd these puns are horrible...
    I feel bad for whomever is playing with OP.
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)16:28 No.4051371
    Ray of Frost: "Ice to meet you!" or "Have an ice day!"
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)16:30 No.4051382
    You say Jump? I say, how high? (Jump)
    I'm going to reach out and Touch someone. (Too many spells to mention)
    Gone already? We were DUST getting started. (Disintegrate)
    I could tell you all about this item, but I wouldn't want to LORE you (Identify, Legend Lore)
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)16:31 No.4051389
    Didn't locate city nuke make use of some cold damage thing?

    What killed the dinosaurs? THE ICE AGE!
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)16:32 No.4051397
    Not funny. Please stop.


    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)16:33 No.4051408
    I think that this summary of Batman & Robin is a good example of dialogue you should aim for. You should find all cold based energy attacks covered by Mr Freeze.

    Why don't you... CHILL?!
    It's a COLD town.
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)16:33 No.4051411
    Be seeing you! - Scrying
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)16:36 No.4051427
    Meant to include this:
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)16:39 No.4051451
    This ALMOST makes me want to play 3.5 again.

    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)16:47 No.4051510
    Polymorph; You hit like a GIRL!
    After using mace; You look HAMMERED!
    Rocks Fall, enemy dies; Ha!... a CRUSHING defeat!
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)16:49 No.4051528
    I'll be back!
    -When you die.
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)16:53 No.4051564
    Polymorph: I'll be black!
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)17:08 No.4051701
    Any sort of duplication spell:

    "You think this is the real Quaid? ... You're right!"

    (Not a pun per se, but my favorite line from "Total Recall.")
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)17:08 No.4051703
    Keen edge: "I wahnt you to meet Stabby, he's ahwfully Keen!"
    Water Breathing:" I wouldn't wahnt to leave you breathless."
    Dimensional Anchor:"It looks lihke you need some Anchor management!"
    Remove curse:"Their's no need to Curse."
    Stoneskin:"Youh need to be thickskinned in this business."
    Arcane eye:"Eye see you!"
    Nondetection:"They cannot see us. There's no need to scry!"
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)17:09 No.4051711
    >After using mace; You look HAMMERED!

    wouldn't it be after using a hammer?
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)17:12 No.4051749
    More like

    Any duplication spell:
    >> TheLionHearted !HAGYQOveO. 03/22/09(Sun)17:12 No.4051753
    In his Lair, he turns the walls to ice revealing his opponent's position. "Ice to see you!"
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)17:12 No.4051759

    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)17:14 No.4051779
    These are all correct.
    Just sayin.
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)17:16 No.4051802
    GET TO DA CHOPPA (fly)
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)17:18 No.4051820
         File :1237756695.jpg-(50 KB, 450x501, colossus-9-50k.jpg)
    50 KB
    Need a break?


    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)17:18 No.4051821
    Bears Endurance: "Now I'm Over-bear-ing!"
    MASS Bear's endurance: "You'll just have to bear with me!"
    Phantasmal Killer:"You look like you just saw a ghost!"
    Hold Person:"I'm afraid I'll have to put you on hold!"
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)17:24 No.4051892
    Forceful hand:"It looks like you've forced my hand!"
    Planar Binding:"Looks like you're in a bit of a bind!"(Also works for animate rope)
    Chain lightning:"I know that it's shocking, but it's going around."
    Move Earth:"Did the earth move for you too?"
    >> Grizzly Bear !HOF/0hgWYo 03/22/09(Sun)17:26 No.4051912
    [spoiler]It's NOT A TOOHUMA. [/spoiler]
    >> Grizzly Bear !HOF/0hgWYo 03/22/09(Sun)17:27 No.4051916
    [spoilers]oh god i screwed up again[/spoilers]
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)17:29 No.4051944
    spoilers dont work in /tg/
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)17:30 No.4051946
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)17:30 No.4051950
    This MUST be archived.
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)17:31 No.4051958
    M-M-M-MONSTER FAIL-Fail-failfail
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)17:38 No.4052019
    Plane Shift: "Sorry to leave, I have to catch a Plane."
    Anti-magic field: "You say you're a powerful caster, but I think you're in Denial!"
    Delayed Blast Fireball:" Just hold still, it'll be a blast!"
    Flesh to Stone: "The monk wants to hit you, but I just want to Statue!"
    Stone skin:"It's time to Rock and Roll!"
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)17:42 No.4052063
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)17:43 No.4052074
    Op here.
    Wow. I didn't know TG liked puns so much.

    Come to think of it, Maybe I should have made a pun of of pun pun, but I can't think of a good pun pun pun.
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)17:45 No.4052093
    "Hold it"
    Any hold or restrict spell
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)17:47 No.4052106
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)17:48 No.4052112
    Slow: "Hey, why the hurry?"
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)17:48 No.4052120
    "Time to go in through the out door"
    Dimension Door
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)17:48 No.4052123
    Hes too basy governing Caly Funia.
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)17:58 No.4052193
    Crushing hand:"When I play my hand, don't be too crushed!"
    Enervation: "Say, you're looking a little drained!"
    Meteor Swarm:"That last one wasn't enough? This one's a little Meteor!"
    Disjunction:" Your weapons will be useless at Disjunction!"
    Create Greater Undead:"I think I'll have to Shadow you."
    Create Undead:"After I cast this, you'll be A Ghast!"
    Animate Dead:"You need to fill out, you're just a skeleton!"
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)17:59 No.4052206
    Too much Mr Freeze. Have some fire puns.

    "I'm on fire today... now you are too!"

    "Here's some HOT STUFF coming through."

    "They say It's better to burn out then fade away"
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)18:02 No.4052235
    Remove Fear: "You lack discipline!"
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)18:05 No.4052270
    Resilient Sphere:"Dohn't warry, whe're safe in sphere!"
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)18:06 No.4052278
    So, does Sup/tg/ automatically append the new stuff, or what?
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)18:07 No.4052285
    Yes. It updates on regular intervals.
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)18:09 No.4052317

    it autochecks every two hours, but typically for really good threads, people refresh it manually.

    This basically just means adding the thread number (the post-number of the OP) to the relevant box and throwing whatever in the other boxes, since they don't matter, and hitting Submit..
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)18:13 No.4052352
    "You're looking a bit hot under the collar"
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)18:14 No.4052363
    Any telekinesis thing: "Look, ma, no hands!"
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)18:15 No.4052369
    I have a sudden urge to choke you.
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)18:16 No.4052383
    Animate Dead: "This one's a thrilla!"
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)18:17 No.4052387
    As I understand, that is the correct response they should elicit.
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)18:17 No.4052394
    "This fight's getting un-BEAR-able" Summon Creature (Bear)
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)18:18 No.4052403

    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)18:19 No.4052416
    "No need to make a stink out of this"
    Stinking Cloud
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)18:29 No.4052511
    "what a load of bull"
    -bulls strength
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)18:51 No.4052751
    What level will you be starting at? I would rather come up with god awful puns for the spells you can cast right now, as opposed for a killer one for Meteor Swarm.
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)19:41 No.4053281
    OP here: Not sure, but I doubt if I'll be able to go higher than 4th or so to begin with. It promises to be kind of long-term, though, so anything is appreciated.
    Also, I like puns.
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)19:46 No.4053333
    >>This thread

    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)19:47 No.4053347
    The Bigby's spells - "Hey, let's shake on it" "Need a hand?" "High five" "I don't think you grasp the situation at hand"
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)20:01 No.4053487
    vampiric touch - "this is gonna SUCK for you"
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)20:05 No.4053527
    why is the op the only one capable of making puns, its supposed to be puns not psuedo witty bullshit.l
    >> the wistful fanatic 03/22/09(Sun)20:37 No.4053800

    because we aren't the eloquen/tg/entelmen we think we are?
    >> Anonymous 03/22/09(Sun)21:24 No.4054159
    Do not die, I need more of this.

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