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  • File :1239334117.png-(58 KB, 600x400, Seriously this dude is more of a bad guy(...).png)
    58 KB Dorf Quest XXXIV Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 04/09/09(Thu)23:28 No.4237435  
    Continuation to last Saturday's overheated Dorf Quest. My computer has been fixed and everything is awesome, before anyone wastes thread space asking about it.

    SO, WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, we've got some big changes around here. For one:

    PAUSE SCREEN
    GARRELF SWIFTRIP, Faerie Fighter of Satan
    CURRENT QUESTS: Destroy Beardbeard, Destroy Leylines, Regain Royalty

    Shadowmancy: Good
    Gold: 5

    STATUS: Uninjured

    LEYLINES
    Tree of Life: DESTROYED
    Mushroom of Death: INTACT
    Lamp of Light: INTACT
    Box of Shadows: INTACT
    Belt of Restraint: INTACT
    Ragdoll of Freedom: INTACT
    Book of Displacement: INTACT

    INVENTORY:
    Shadar-Kai Gauntlet
    Satan Arm
    Pact with Satan
    Queen Arialla

    Party:
    None
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 04/09/09(Thu)23:30 No.4237449
         File :1239334204.png-(94 KB, 600x400, Face Heel Turn.png)
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    Beardbeard, the violent psychopath who has carved a kingdom out of blood, murder, and subjugation, has finally become the BBEG. Garrelf is now the main PC for this half of Dorf Quest.
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 04/09/09(Thu)23:31 No.4237465
         File :1239334291.png-(70 KB, 600x400, Should I have whores or ale.png)
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    So of course, we're going to play as Beardbeard.

    What royal decrees would you like to put in place, oh Beardly one?
    >> Anonymous 04/09/09(Thu)23:32 No.4237483
    what is this i don't even
    >> Anonymous 04/09/09(Thu)23:34 No.4237499
    >>4237449
    Obviously he should get drunk off his ass in celebration of his accomplishment.
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 04/09/09(Thu)23:41 No.4237587
         File :1239334902.png-(36 KB, 600x400, 1.png)
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    >>4237499
    To coronate himself and appoint his new General, Driblis Ifniblifin, he buys the entire city a round of ale! Thankfully Kobolds are light weights, and the population of his city is still only 40, so its not too pricy.

    Presley provides a ballad to your greatness.
    >> Anonymous 04/09/09(Thu)23:47 No.4237633
    Bullshit BeardBeard is awesome encarnate, it was a missunderstanding. Let gar forget we tried to save him from the shadow relm, and resed him before that

    He knows we go berserk, if he's a dick about it fuck him
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 04/09/09(Thu)23:47 No.4237634
         File :1239335226.png-(30 KB, 600x400, 2.png)
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    >>4237587
    Snap.
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 04/09/09(Thu)23:50 No.4237672
         File :1239335408.png-(23 KB, 600x400, 3.png)
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    Your leg seems to have broken.
    >> Anonymous 04/09/09(Thu)23:51 No.4237696
    >>4237672
    Well, crap. Now what?
    >> Anonymous 04/09/09(Thu)23:52 No.4237704
    >>4237672
    Use your DORFSMITH abilities to make an iron replica of your wooden leg, impervious to snapping.
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 04/09/09(Thu)23:55 No.4237733
         File :1239335701.png-(16 KB, 600x400, 4.png)
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    >>4237704
    Beardbeard attempts to unlock his inner DORFSMITH!

    Metal leg forged!


    ...You recall something from an earlier thread about poor craftsdorf skills.
    >> Anonymous 04/09/09(Thu)23:56 No.4237752
    >>4237733
    Whatever! Use it anyway!

    Or at least hit something with it in drunken frustration.
    >> Anonymous 04/09/09(Thu)23:58 No.4237772
    We need to think up some traps.

    This is a first for us.
    >> Anonymous 04/09/09(Thu)23:59 No.4237776
    GET MORE SUBJECTS FOR THE NATION!

    Including Dorfs who CAN metalsmith new legs!
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 04/09/09(Thu)23:59 No.4237781
         File :1239335977.png-(48 KB, 600x400, 5.png)
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    >>4237752
    >Hit something in drunken frustration

    Beardbeard assaults a wall!
    >> Anonymous 04/09/09(Thu)23:59 No.4237784
    >>4237733
    Make billions of worthless copper, iron and mithril belt-buckles to skill up our CRAFTSDORFING, then reforge metal leg.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:01 No.4237794
    >>4237784
    In lieu of any better ideas, I second this plan!
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 04/10/09(Fri)00:03 No.4237820
         File :1239336230.png-(45 KB, 600x400, 6.png)
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    >>4237776
    Nearest location of DORFS found! Would you like to assault?
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:05 No.4237828
    >>4237820
    Assault DORFS?

    No. Diplomacy, the only way we know how...DRINKING CONTEST

    THE WHOLE FUCKING TOWN
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:06 No.4237837
    >>4237828
    Drinking is THE ONLY OPTION.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:06 No.4237842
    >>4237828
    Wait, screw my last idea; this is awesome.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:09 No.4237869
    I'm gonna assume the snapping of the leg is a bad sign.

    But... while we're the BBEG and we have FUCKING CONTROL OVER HIM, maybe we should follow the Evil Overlord List?
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:10 No.4237887
    I propose a peaceful relationship with our dwarven brothers. We may be a hideous mutation, but we're still a dorf.
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 04/10/09(Fri)00:10 No.4237891
         File :1239336641.png-(27 KB, 600x400, 7.png)
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    >>4237828
    >>4237837
    >Challenge to drinking contest

    The king of the Mountainhomes says that if you and your military can outdrink he and his military of 200 Dorfs, then you can have his kingdom. If he wins, then you must forfeit your kingdom to him.

    Is this acceptable?
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:10 No.4237893
    >>4237820
    We're FROM there! We just need to recruit, NOT ATTACK!
    These are civilized DORFS we're talking about, not some savage Cutebolds!
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:12 No.4237908
    >>4237891
    Tell him you'll do it YOURSELF
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:12 No.4237910
    >>4237891
    Go for it!
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:13 No.4237920
    >>4237891
    No, not yet, we need to go find some troops who can hold their drink first, then we can come back and challenge him.

    Sure, BeardBeard can out drink any other dorf, but your cutebolds are lightweights and no match for even the youngest dorf child in a drinking contest!
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 04/10/09(Fri)00:14 No.4237930
         File :1239336852.png-(36 KB, 600x400, Capability Card - Arialla.png)
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    >>4237908
    This might save your kobolds from humiliation, but even they can take a drink or two you don't have to. Are you sure? Everyone isn't going simultaneously - its one at a time, until one person passes out.

    Also something you probably all want to see at some point.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:14 No.4237934
    >>4237891
    This dorf is a whorling force of destruction, mayhem, and CHAOS. Xom has every reason to be protecting and watching over him.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:17 No.4237965
    >>4237930
    If Beardbeard is a REAL Dorf he can pull this shit off.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:22 No.4237999
    >>4237934
    Seconding this and the DRINKING WIN THE KINGDOM WITH BEER AND ALCHOHOL
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 04/10/09(Fri)00:22 No.4238002
         File :1239337333.png-(22 KB, 600x400, 8.png)
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    >>4237965
    >>4237934
    >>4237910
    >>4237908

    Beardbeard accepts the challenge! There's no way he could possibly lose, no way, no how!
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:22 No.4238007
    >>4237930
    Is there a minimum drinking speed, or can the kobolds wait, sober, until some dorfs crack?
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:25 No.4238033
    >>4237930

    I'm have to say that Arialla is incredibly DAAW-worthy, especially as a downtrodden mute.

    >>4238002

    The king should be our first opponent! Followed by his generals! Once the leadership structure lies in a drunken stupor, the morale of the rest of the soldiers will be broken, paving the way for conquest!
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:25 No.4238034
    NOOOO! We don't even want his kingdom, we just want some competent workers.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:30 No.4238068
    >>4238002
    Aren't we immune to poison? Alcohol is a poison. Thus, we win
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 04/10/09(Fri)00:30 No.4238073
         File :1239337822.png-(52 KB, 600x400, Why did it take so long.png)
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    The drawfag must wonder why it took 34 threads before the game rules for a drinking contest came up.

    RULES TO THE DRINKING CONTEST:
    1) One person from each side competes at a time. A competitor drinks until his opponent is comatose, and maintains his seat until he passes out.

    2) When a competitor passes out, he is immediately replaced by the next in line.

    3) A competitor may not take a drink until his opponent has finished the same flagon of ale. Ie; Once you have finished flagon #3, you cannot start on #4 until the opponent's side has finished Flagon 3.

    Last chance to back out is now.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:30 No.4238074
    >>4238034
    Kingdom = workers, and an army.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:32 No.4238092
    >>4238073
    ... We're screwed!

    ... DO IT ANYWAY!
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:33 No.4238102
    >>4238073
    don't do it man!
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:33 No.4238103
    So, we put beard beard up first, and hopefully he gets through at LEAST the king and 199 of the soldiers?
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:34 No.4238106
    >>4238073
    FUCKING PUSSIES

    We can take them. We have POISON IMMUNITY!
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:35 No.4238112
    doitfaggot.jpg
    Battle plan:
    Use Kobolds to drink. While distracted, collapse roof on the King and claim victory.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:36 No.4238119
    >>4238073
    better idea; Kill the king, watch enemy fort spiral into chaos because of TANTRUMS.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:36 No.4238121
    >>4238112
    >>4238106
    Shit, we are immune to poison. OUR LIVER IS THE LIVER THAT WILL PIERCE THE SKY!
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:36 No.4238124
    >>4238073

    Hmm, since we have to go all the way or fail partway I think it's best if we use the kobolds first. They're likely to just fucking run away if Beardbeard goes down, so it's best to use the fodder as fodder and hope they can put a dent in the dorfs.

    SAVE BEARDBEARD UNTIL THE KOBOLDS ARE DEFEATED.
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 04/10/09(Fri)00:36 No.4238125
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    >>4238103
    >Put kobolds up first

    That's what I thought too, since the king is starting with his soldiers!

    ...Kobolds eliminated. They put up a good fight, Driblis drinking down one dorf singlehandedly.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:37 No.4238136
    >>4238125
    Well, crap.

    Here goes nothing, I guess.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:37 No.4238137
    >>4238073
    How much can Presley drink.

    Also his cat.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:38 No.4238146
    >>4238125
    that's right. Presley and his cat totally count. Give those fuckers a cup.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:39 No.4238152
    >>4238125
    Promote Driblis to DOUBLE GENERAL.
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 04/10/09(Fri)00:39 No.4238153
         File :1239338389.png-(40 KB, 600x400, 9.png)
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    Berbeard's gtetting kdina durnk righ' bout nwo. Still got fordee fivess more t'go.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:40 No.4238156
    DRINK!
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:41 No.4238166
    >>4238153
    Fucking power the fuck through it. YOUR LIVER IS THE LIVER THAT SHALL PIERCE REALITY ITSELF.

    Also, where the fuck is Presley and his cat?
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:41 No.4238169
    >>4238153
    >>4238146
    >>4238137
    Beardbeard, you are IMMUNE to poison. Stay the fuck up! You are almost there! WHAT ARE YOU A STINKIN ELF?
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:41 No.4238172
    >>4238153
    what about presley
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:42 No.4238178
    quick, cast our 3 breath, it might give us more room to drink more
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:42 No.4238179
    >>4238153

    Beardbeard must not fail! His kingdom is on the line! He must win, for the kobolds, for Xom, for the door shield he looted from his family crypt!

    IF HE CAN TURN HIMSELF INTO A ZOMBIE AND SINGLE-HANDEDLY KILL A GOD HE CAN OUTDRINK ONE LOUSY FORTRESS.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:42 No.4238181
    >>4238153
    Have Presley start playing an encouraging drinking song.

    Or kill all the enemy dwarfs while their backs are turned.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:43 No.4238192
    >>4238153
    MAN THE FUCK UP

    DO WHATEVER YOU NEED TO DO TO OUT DRINK THOSE FUCKERS.
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 04/10/09(Fri)00:43 No.4238195
         File :1239338638.png-(40 KB, 600x400, 9.png)
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    This is starting to look pretty bad. You need a miracle right about now...

    >>4238169
    His poison immunity does not stretch to alcohol, else he wouldn't be able to gain the benefits of it either. It seems to be some sort of chaotic, random, coincidental exception. But you know Xom would never include one of those in anything.
    >> Gnoll !1u4YNSY0gk 04/10/09(Fri)00:44 No.4238199
         File :1239338672.gif-(38 KB, 578x574, drinkin.gif)
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    >>4238153
    The dorfs get all the beer and I'm the one who's short... beer. Get it? Cuz they're short...
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:44 No.4238200
    Beardbeard must not fail! HE IS THE BEARDKING!
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 04/10/09(Fri)00:45 No.4238209
         File :1239338745.png-(49 KB, 600x400, 9.png)
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    >>4237934
    Xom is amused! A strange feeling washes over you!

    You suddenly feel SOBER.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:46 No.4238211
    >>4238195
    MOTHEROF FUCK WHERE IS PRESLEY

    PRESLEY


    FUCKING


    WHERE
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:46 No.4238212
    >>4238195
    Pray to Xom and satan for a miracle!
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:46 No.4238216
    >>4238209

    YAY!
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:46 No.4238218
    >>4238209
    Bitchin'.

    YOU GOIN' DOWN, DORFS.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:46 No.4238219
    >>4238195
    PRESLEY AND HIS CAT! PRESLEY AND HIS CAT! PRESLEY AND HIS CAT!
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:46 No.4238220
    >>4238209
    ENSUE RAPE
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:46 No.4238226
    >>4238209
    Checkov is amused.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:47 No.4238230
    >>4238209

    The tide has turned!

    PRESLEY NEEDS TO IMPROVISE SOMETHING AWESOME ONCE THE DRINKING DUEL WITH THE KING HIMSELF BEGINS.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:47 No.4238233
    >>4238209

    Wait a second, sober? Xom is one real fucking asshole to sober up a dwarf under ANY circumstance.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:48 No.4238239
    >>4238233
    WHY HASN'T HE DONE THIS FOR US BEFORE?! LIKE, WHEN WE DRANK WITH SATAN?!
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:48 No.4238240
    >>4238233
    Under the extreme nature of the situation, I say we give him a pass.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:49 No.4238245
    >>4238239
    Xom is capricious.
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 04/10/09(Fri)00:49 No.4238247
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    The enemy army has been defeated! Beardbeard has regained his original DRUNKEN level from the beginning of the contest, and now only has the king to outdrink!

    >>4238211
    >>4238219
    PRESLEY is not the KING or a member of the MILITARY, as per the terms of the contest. He is the COURT BARD. If you bring in PRESLEY, the king will bring in MUSCLEBEARD.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:50 No.4238258
    >>4238247
    Having the king bring in MUSCLEBEARD sounds like a bad thing. Let's not do that.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:51 No.4238264
    We can take him.
    LET US DRINK IN THE MANNER OF OUR FOREFATHERS; COPIOUSLY!
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:51 No.4238268
    >>4238209
    FUCK YEAH
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:51 No.4238270
    >>4238247
    keep Presley out of it. See if he can do some dramatic battle music though.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:51 No.4238271
    >>4238195
    loosen our belt.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:51 No.4238272
    >>4238247
    Oh man, we don't want that. Muscle beard scares the shit out of me. Is presley here, recording our triumph for posterity.

    also, inb4 drinking party cancel: Interrupted by Garrelf
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:52 No.4238273
    >>4238247
    >If you bring in PRESLEY, the king will bring in MUSCLEBEARD.

    Dare I say it but... I think MUSCLEBEARD could probably out drink ANYONE. EVEN a STONE SOBER BEARD BEARD.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:53 No.4238277
    Wait, how can musclebeard be the bard and bartender? Is he multiclassing?
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:53 No.4238279
         File :1239339217.jpg-(323 KB, 913x688, dwarfvsbeerelemental.jpg)
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    When Beardbeard ascends to godhood, we must make out domain alcohol, that we might summon great alegolems to wage our wars.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:53 No.4238282
    >>4238247
    can we have Presley play music of drinking and stamina?
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:54 No.4238283
    >>4238277
    He is MUSCLEBEARD the only being in the WORLD that BEARDBEARD shows fear towords!
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 04/10/09(Fri)00:56 No.4238303
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    Beardbeard summons up his mightiest BEEROMANCY - the dreaded SPIRITS OF CHRISTMAS PAST.

    He only hopes its good enough to defeat the King's Extra Stout Double Punch Vodka.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:57 No.4238308
    >>4238303
    Okay, this is just plain awesome.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:58 No.4238310
    >>4238303
    Fuck, this is awesome.
    >> Gnoll !1u4YNSY0gk 04/10/09(Fri)00:58 No.4238315
    >>4238282
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sPJD3qcIL7s
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)00:58 No.4238317
    >>4238277
    >Bardtender
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:00 No.4238325
    >>4238303
    VODKA? VODKA?! WHAT MANNER OF DORF BE DIS? WHY BACK IN MAH DAY, WE MADE DUE WITH ALE AND RUM. WHISKEY WAS AN OCCASIONAL LUXURY.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:00 No.4238327
    >>4238247
    Does muscle beard work out with his beard? If he does Beardbeard should too. That way when gar finds him he can challenge him to a beard contest and kick the elf's pansy ass
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:00 No.4238328
    >>4238315
    man, fuck that shit. We need some motherfucking VIKING METAL up in this bitch.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:04 No.4238354
    >>4238328
    46 seconds in, it turns into an epic Scottish drinking song.
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 04/10/09(Fri)01:05 No.4238362
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    The SPIRITS OF CHRISTMAS PAST agress!
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:06 No.4238372
    >>4238328
    god damn it, where the hell did my secret cache of VIKING METAL go.

    Have some Whiskey On a Sunday until I get this shit sorted out.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cd8I1PNV9io
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:07 No.4238378
    >>4238328
    /agree
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xoh67mT1K4E&feature=related
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 04/10/09(Fri)01:10 No.4238393
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    The Extra Stout Double Punch Vodka hits you hard, knocking out your eye!
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:11 No.4238399
    >>4238393
    Which eye?

    Drink the spirit!
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:11 No.4238400
    >>4238393
    Uh oh.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:11 No.4238403
    >>4238393
    We must be really fucking drunk.

    There's got to be a way to fix this. It probably involves drinking more beer.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:13 No.4238412
    >>4238393
    OH GOD SOMEBODY CATCH IT BEFORE IT MELTS THE MOUNTAIN
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:13 No.4238414
    >>4238393
    that fool... he's knocked out our eye.

    There's only one thing in this world with a lust for ale like a dwarf, and that's a pirate.

    he's just made us BOTH...
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:13 No.4238417
    >>4238393
    OH GOD!

    I CAN SENSE A PLOT DEVICE DEVELOPING.

    GRAB THE EYE BEFORE ANYTHING BAD CAN HAPPEN. PUT IT SAFELY UNDER YOUR HELMET.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:14 No.4238419
    >>4238393
    Is is possible to perform a sort of ALCOHOLIC DEFORESTATION?
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 04/10/09(Fri)01:14 No.4238423
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    What!? A second attack! The Extra Stout Double Punch Vodka plays dirty!
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:14 No.4238429
    >>4238423
    Hit him back! You can hit him, right?
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:16 No.4238441
    >>4238423
    BOOZE TSUNAMI ASSAULT
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:17 No.4238445
    >>4238429
    It's probably Garrelf.

    Genresense is telling me it's so.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:17 No.4238447
    I see a stalemate coming, we are probably both gonna pass out with this next round of drinks.

    What are the rules in the event that both dwarfs pass out in the same round?
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:17 No.4238448
    >>4238423
    Kick his ass.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:18 No.4238452
    >>4238447
    >What are the rules in the event that both dwarfs pass out in the same round?

    Whoever gets up first and yell "Yes! I win!", will be the victor. Duh.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:19 No.4238457
    >>4238447
    they both take the crown in a dual kingship and create a dwarven sparta?
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:19 No.4238464
    >>4238423
    BY THE BEARD OF MY ANCESTORS! STRIKE THE WRETCH DOWN!
    >> Gnoll !1u4YNSY0gk 04/10/09(Fri)01:19 No.4238466
         File :1239340793.gif-(145 KB, 894x735, stand.gif)
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    I'll take you all on with my Gnollish triple fermented meat beer. The only alcohol in the Realms made of rotting animal flesh. Ha-mon, I guarantee you won't be able to Stand it.

    KEHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:22 No.4238490
    >>4238466
    Beer made with undead yeasts? Me likey!
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:23 No.4238498
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    >>4238466
    Helen, bring me the dog gun, there's a pest in the thread.
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 04/10/09(Fri)01:23 No.4238500
         File :1239341007.png-(110 KB, 600x400, 11.png)
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    ROUND 2: Your ALEDRITCH SPIRITS against the King's LIGHTNING BLOODWINE! It looks like he's trying to take you out quickly with a fast beeromancy summon!

    >>4238429
    No, you can't hit him back. That'd be like tossing aside your drink in a drinking contest. What do you think this is, a fight?

    >>4238447
    If both pass out in the same round, then it is a draw.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:25 No.4238515
    Wine?

    WINE???

    Overcome the Bloodwine's lightning fast ability with the power of ALEDRITCH BEARDLINESS
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:25 No.4238522
    >>4238498
    Hey, I thought we liked Gnoll.
    After all, there ain't Gnoll-body quite like him!

    ...

    Okay, that was just lousy. I apologize.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:26 No.4238526
    >>4238500
    BRACE YERSELF
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 04/10/09(Fri)01:27 No.4238528
         File :1239341240.png-(72 KB, 600x400, 11.png)
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    The Lightning Bloodwine strikes accurately at decisively! Beardbeard is reeling!

    >>4238498
    There's gnoll harm in it.
    >> Gnoll !1u4YNSY0gk 04/10/09(Fri)01:27 No.4238530
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    >>4238498
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:27 No.4238532
    >>4238500
    Wine is shit. Has barely no alcohol in it.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:28 No.4238540
    >>4238500
    REMEMBER YOUR BEER TRAINING BACK WHEN YOU WERE A LAD IN A DRAMATIC FLASHBACK.

    RELEARN SEKRET DORF BEER TECHNIQUE. USE IT.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:31 No.4238565
    IF YOU HAVE AN ALCOHOLIC SESSION POWER, NOW IS THE TIME FOR IT!
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 04/10/09(Fri)01:31 No.4238566
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    >>4238532
    Hence the low Alcoholism damage, but rapid initiative speed. The King gambled that it would be enough to take you out before he had to take a hit from your Aledritch Spirits. His underestimation leads to his defeat!
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:33 No.4238577
    >>4238566
    Pose dramatically over a pile of your defeated foes.

    Make another postcard to send to Aldwin.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:33 No.4238583
    >>4238566
    Alright, we got a kingdom!

    Be sure to promote Driblis to DOUBLE GENERAL for his valiant effort. That's a lot of drink for one Kobold.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:35 No.4238596
    >>4238566
    >defeat

    HUZZAH
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 04/10/09(Fri)01:35 No.4238597
         File :1239341733.png-(37 KB, 600x400, 9.png)
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    >>4238583
    Driblis promoted to DOUBLE GENERAL!

    MOUNTAINHOMES obtained!
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:35 No.4238599
    >>4238566
    Fondly regard your new kingdom.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:36 No.4238612
    >>4238566

    We won? WE WON!
    WE MOTHERFUCKING WON THE MOUNTAINHOLMES! FUCKING CHOICE AND WIN AND UTTER AWESOME. YOU BITCHES ALL WORK FOR BEARDBEARD NOW, HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!

    Siege engineers! Ballistae manning one square by thirty square entrances! Stonemasons, carpenters, mechanics! Start building walls, fortifications, traps, and pillboxes with no aboveground entrances, just tunnels to the fortress! AND WE WILL BEGIN TO PIPE LAVA TO OUR NEW DOMINION. IN THE NAME OF BEARDBEARD, IT SHALL BE DONE.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:36 No.4238613
    >>4238566
    PRAISE XOM BY DOING SOMETHING UNEXPECTED!
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:36 No.4238614
    >>4238597
    order a legendary leg made, and while it is being made get beard grooming tips from muscle beard
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:37 No.4238615
    >>4238566
    right then, set the whole of his kingdom to craftdorfing us a new leg. and a more secure eye socket while we're at it.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:38 No.4238624
    >>4238614
    >beard grooming tips from muscle beard

    HELL YES
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:38 No.4238631
    What happened to your original leg, anyway? I forget.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:39 No.4238636
    So what are we going to do with the 'bolds now? Dorfs ain't very keen on the little buggers, and with a kobold as a general you KNOW there are going to be some morale problems in the military.

    Segregated communities?
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:40 No.4238643
    PICK UP OUR FUCKING EYE BEFORE IT GETS USED AS A PLOT DEVICE
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:40 No.4238648
    >>4238631
    The keg of Xom ale left him with a very short leg, among many other mutations
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:41 No.4238651
    >>4238631
    Mutated by Xom i think
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:42 No.4238666
    >>4238636
    What do kings do with their lowliest of peasants?
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:42 No.4238667
    >>4238643
    This.=
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 04/10/09(Fri)01:42 No.4238668
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    >>4238599
    You fondly regard your new city.

    Then the kobolds rip it right out of the mountain side and deposit it inside of Buzzardloved.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:42 No.4238669
    >>.4238636

    NO! They helped us claim this new home, we would be bastards to not treat them as honored war heroes.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:45 No.4238689
    KOBOLDS AND DORFS SHALL KNOW PEACE.

    THE KOBOLDS SHALL MAKETH THE GRAIN FOR THE BEER, THE DORFS SHALL CRAFT THE BEER, AND ALL SHALL DRINK!
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:45 No.4238694
    >>4238668
    Wow, those kobolds sure are strong bunch.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:47 No.4238705
    >>4238643
    THHHHIIIIISSSSS
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:47 No.4238707
    >>4238668
    ._.

    How long does this take?
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:48 No.4238715
    So when are we going to conquer the windmill?
    >> Current Map Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 04/10/09(Fri)01:49 No.4238723
         File :1239342561.png-(37 KB, 600x400, The map.png)
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    BUZZARDLOVED STATUS UPDATE

    Positions
    *King: Beardbeard Godslayer
    *General: Driblis
    *Bard: Presley
    *Records Keeper: King
    *Bishop: Priest of Xom

    Citizens: 420
    *Military: 25 kobolds, 200 dorfs
    *Agriculture: 9 kobolds, 81 dorfs
    *Mercantile: 15 dorfs
    *Technology: 91 dorfs
    *Sorcery: 0
    *Clergy: 3 dorfs
    **Godly Presence: Xom, Moradin

    >>4238643
    Eye obtained without PLOT injury.

    >>4238666
    Shut up Satan.

    >>4238707
    A matter of moments.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:49 No.4238724
    MASTER CRAFTED IRON LEG TIME
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:50 No.4238736
    >>4238723
    >*Records Keeper: King

    He shall be known as the EX-King from now on!
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:50 No.4238737
    So Aordor is in ruins, and the elven city is in turmoil after the ousting of its old rulers. Beardbeard controls the dwarven civ. That only leaves two cities and a windmill not under our direct control.

    Gentlemen, as the new BBEG I think it is time we took control of this region.

    LET NO ONE STAND TALL OVER THE DWARVES, FOR WE SHALL CRUSH THEM UNDER OUR HEELS.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:51 No.4238740
    >>4238723
    >**Godly Presence: Xom, Moradin

    >Moradin

    Wut? Explain?
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:51 No.4238747
    >>4238723
    Convert subjects to SATAN and XOM

    >>4238724
    THIS

    Next to get us some us some good Sorcery
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:51 No.4238748
    Question.. why is beardbeard the bbeg? We LIKE him!

    Garelf is both less awesome, and married to a sissy elf bitch.

    I want the bad ending! (BB wins)

    Its not like he'll stay sober enough to destroy the world..
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:52 No.4238757
    >>4238737
    As the new BBEG our goal should be to maintain at least neutrality, so that Garrelf doesn't join the Goldmoon Slayers to get us.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:53 No.4238760
    >>4238740
    God o' Dorfs.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:53 No.4238761
    >>4238748
    >Question.. why is beardbeard the bbeg? We LIKE him!

    He's a sympathetic villain.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:54 No.4238768
    >>4238761

    Who is more awesome than anyone in this series.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:55 No.4238775
    >>4238760
    But there were a lot of temples in that city, only one of them Moradin. Why is he the only godly presence?
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:55 No.4238781
    Where is a fey mood dwarf to craft an Artifact leg when you need it?
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:56 No.4238791
    >>4238768
    So? He's also the most evil, twisted, unsympathetic asshole in the series. That makes him the BBEG pretty much automatically.
    >> Huh, Driblis and Cultist have the same outfit. Except that skull mask thing. Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 04/10/09(Fri)01:59 No.4238819
         File :1239343155.png-(34 KB, 600x400, 13.png)
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    And so Beardbeard celebrates his success by spending the next week sleeping off the alcohol from the drinking contest, along with his entire army, both new and old members. Conquering the rest of the region can wait a week.

    >>4238740
    The Mountainhomes had a single Priest of Xom and two Priests of Moradin. As long as you have a dedicated Priest/Cultist/Hag who lives inside your city, their god has influence over your city.

    >>4238775
    No, that was Aordor with lotsa gods. The Mountainhomes only ever had 2 gods.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:59 No.4238820
    I don't think we need to take the Windmill as much as knock and ask aldwin if he'd like to join our new world order

    Make him the assassan prince of the dorfs or something, he refuses that's fine
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:59 No.4238822
    >>4238791
    He helped gar elf get his current form. how is that unsympathetic?
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)01:59 No.4238825
    Well... Commission busts! OF STONE!
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)02:01 No.4238841
    >>4238822
    Consider how Garrelf turned out.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)02:04 No.4238861
    >>4238822
    Put that against all the assholing he's done. Many BBEGs have their sympathetic moments, it doesn't remove the fact that Beardbeard is extremely bloodthirsty and unpredictable.
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 04/10/09(Fri)02:05 No.4238872
         File :1239343541.png-(32 KB, 600x400, 14.png)
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    Meanwhile, in Eridia...
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)02:05 No.4238875
    >>4238861
    >assholing

    Against elves, mostly.

    That doesn't count.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)02:07 No.4238884
    >>4238872
    Wait, is Kav still looking for the queen?
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)02:07 No.4238886
    >>4238872
    YAY KAV! And her stupid, sexy tiny tiny undergarments!
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)02:07 No.4238887
    >>4238872

    Kav became a crimelord while we were ruining the elf kingdom's shit and becoming lord of the dorfs?

    I love Kav.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)02:07 No.4238891
    I think it would be awesome for beard beard to rule, and i wouldn't call him BBEG

    Sure he's bloodthirsty and unpredictabe, but he could have just attacked the dorfs, insted he wagered on beer, the other conquest will be similer thanks to /tg/'s input

    And when he is in charge it's basically going to be beer for all, now behave im off to kill shit
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)02:11 No.4238919
    >>4238891
    DM has decided he's the BBEG. His is the final word.
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 04/10/09(Fri)02:15 No.4238958
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    >>4238884
    No.

    >>4238887
    She was a crimelord before she was backstabbed and given to that dragon for a present. Kav has to wonder what kind of sap forgets to change the name of a joint after handing the sack to its old namesake.

    She decides to make an inquiry into the matter.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)02:17 No.4238972
    >>4238919
    You have shitty DMs if you think that's the case. We can still effect the plot.

    What's Kav up to?
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)02:21 No.4238997
    >>4238958
    So... we send Kav out on a mission, she gets lost, we solve the problem A DIFFERENT WAY, there is no way she could know about the original problem getting solved, Kav goes off and does her own thing and tries to get back at whoever betrayed her?

    Hell as long as she keeps the Garters on I'm cool.
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 04/10/09(Fri)02:22 No.4239001
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    >>4238958
    "Start flapping yer gums 'r I'll blind ya into next week. Whose da new Big Cheese in this joint?"
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)02:23 No.4239017
    >>4238958
    Just so you know: Today starts the new MS Paint Adventures!

    (Ha, like there was someone here who didn't know.)

    Inquire stuff from the boys.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)02:31 No.4239070
    I have a feeling Gnome's drawing something big. That, or his computer busted again.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)02:32 No.4239078
    >>4239070
    First one, then the other?
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)02:32 No.4239079
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    >>4239001
    SHE HAS NO RIGHT TO BE SO DAMN TINY AND SEXY!
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 04/10/09(Fri)02:32 No.4239080
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    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)02:33 No.4239085
    >>4239080
    Inquire to the one who still has a functioning head.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)02:33 No.4239086
    >>4239080
    Did you just kill, or at least blind, Problem Sleuth?

    Damn you! That horrible wound is going to give him a horrible charisma penalty!
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)02:35 No.4239092
    >>4239079
    OH GOD THE ZOMBIE FAIRY BABIES THREAD

    OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)02:38 No.4239107
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    >>4239092
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)02:40 No.4239124
    I like how Arialla belongs to inventory instead of party. I suppose that's just Garrelf's attitude to her.

    We must redeem Garrelf! Once we gain control, the first thing to do is to move Arialla from inventory to party, no matter the cost!
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 04/10/09(Fri)02:40 No.4239125
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    >>4239086
    Nah, Problem Sleuth is over there. That was just some mook.

    >>4239085
    Asks again.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)02:41 No.4239128
    >>4239107
    >>4239080
    >>4239079
    >>4239001
    Despite her being smaller than my hand, I wish to declare my undying love for Kav, right here, right now.
    I LOVE YOU KAV!
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)02:41 No.4239129
    >>4239092
    Y U DO DIS!?
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)02:42 No.4239140
    >>4239128
    We must polymorph Kav to something bigger, like we did to Garrelf! This will take the imperative even over such trivial matters as converting her for Heracles!
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)02:44 No.4239149
    >>4239092

    I'd let Kav vampirically siphon my DNA and use it to bear horribly monstrous undead children which would exist as a blight upon the world.

    If you know what I mean.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)02:46 No.4239164
    >>4239140
    Or just get Permanent Growth cast on her...
    Kinda like the permanent growth spell I cast whenever I see her.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)02:46 No.4239170
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    >>4239149

    Moving on, are we technically in control of Kav now, or is this just an update as to what she's doing before we switch back to the newest wielder of the SATAN ARM?
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)02:47 No.4239175
    >>4239128
    How hard would it be to get a ring small enough for her...
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 04/10/09(Fri)02:48 No.4239179
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    One concise set of directions later, Kav finds herself in front of the door to the new owner of her bootleg establishment.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)02:49 No.4239183
    >>4239179
    Thread is at autosagin' boss.

    Also, MORE KAV IN HER ADORABLE SEXY UNDERWEAR!
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)02:49 No.4239185
    >>4239179
    inb4 Mobster Kingpin
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)02:49 No.4239188
    >>4239179
    Inquire as to the latest world news.

    Look for movement of treasure.
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 04/10/09(Fri)02:50 No.4239190
         File :1239346202.png-(23 KB, 600x396, Kav blarkablark.png)
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    >>4239170
    Yes, we are in control of Kav right now.

    >>4239175
    Get her a normal ring, let her use it as a belt.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)02:57 No.4239237
    >>4239190
    Are... are you giving me permission to propose to her?
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)02:58 No.4239247
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    >>4239237
    ...
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)02:58 No.4239248
    >>4239190
    Charge in, kill some gitz.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)02:59 No.4239256
    >>4239237
    Well it's not like Gnome could stop her, if she wanted to marry you.

    If.
    >> Gnome !94Ud9yTfxQ 04/10/09(Fri)02:59 No.4239262
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    New thread: >>4239250

    Presley fanart from my awesome friend.
    >> Anonymous 04/10/09(Fri)03:03 No.4239301
    >>4239262
    TUNNEL SNAKES RULE!



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