She gives the heroes their quests, having them gather important components for the king's feast.

In the end she betrays them, using the components to construct a nearly invincible cake golem.

http://www.peta.org/cooking-mama/index.asp

But Mama isn't evil...

The players are members of the VeggieTales.

ITS MADE OF PEOPLE!!!!

I had a Mutants 7 Masterminds game with a Martha Stewart type, with the powers of Matter-Eater Lad from DC's Legion of Super-Heroes, as a villain. Her codename was Sweet Tooth. Does that count?

(The PCs stopped her by dropping her out of a zeppelin by their leader's South Pole base, into arctic waters. BAD END.).

>>4393438
this, but the PCs are the main course

>>4393455
That's what I love about M&M that's like the base line level of play.

>>4393448
but maybe her experiments run wild

>>4393448
FIRE comes out of her EYES when you anger her, and stuff as innocuous as overmixing cake batter pisses her off - does that sound GOOD to you?

She was childhood friends with one of the PCs, who in a moment of childish anger, told her to "eat a dick".

She did. She liked it. She continued to do so regularly from then on.

Very kindly crime-boss who the PC's know from the beginning, very motherly and well loved. Ruthlessly efficient when ordering her minions to carry out their evil tasks.

Not a 'world destroying evil scheme' sort of boss, just a selfishly making money through vicious crime for her and her family, while never getting her hands dirty.

DUN

Y'know... for being a Mama, we never do hear of any kids... or a Papa.

*warily eyes the cookpot* I hope that's just beef...


"Like they say, 'the secret's in the sauce.'..."

>>4393485
>>the secret's in the sauce
The English title of that movie is "Fried Green Tomatoes", dude.

>>4393475
WINRAR.

>>4393502
No shit, Sherlock - I've seen the film plenty of times before. that scene was part of what gave me the idea for this thread.

Players are all awakened plant or animal creatures working for the Pea'it-Ah druidic circle.

>>4393439

THIS IS THE MOST AWESOME THING SINCE ... EVAR

The obvious choice here is cannibalism.

>>4393515
psst! he's in the bowl! She cut him up and HE'S IN THE FUCKING BOWL!

>>4393515
Isn't this how all evil villains start their path? They are happy and go lucky working from the bottom up and then all their hopes and dreams are smacked down by the man?

>>4393472
Shit, if I had to manage incompetent cretins while trying to teach them something useful, I'd get pretty pissed off to.

>>4393553
He had only himself to blame... she didn't really WANT to do it - well, maybe a teeny bit - but he really left her no choice...

>>4393553
alternately they came from a happy middle class home and decided to do gratuitous evil for the lulz (see ref: Jeff Dhamer.)

/tg/ would love Cooking Mama as much as they used to love /ck/.

>>4393485
OH GOD.


IT ALL MAKES SENSE.

>>4393584
next up...

Killing Mama.

any more "Evil Mama" ideas?

>>4393653
She's actually a fae creature with an insane obsession with cooking. Forcing her kidnapped subjects to taste her newest and increasingly more bizarre if not deadly recipes she chooses some of her captives to learn from her. Woe be to them if they fail to meet or exceed her own culinary prowess.

Evil Mama is the best concept ever.

I keep thinking of the MaidRPG scenario where the players have to work together to bake a cake and plan a birthday party, and have two weeks to find information, recipes, and ingredients to add bonuses to the final roll when they bake the cake so they don't fuck it up.

>>4393562
I just pictured Crimeboss Mama yelling "You naughty boy! Mama is very displeased!" in a harsh scolding manner to a minion who failed an assignment to, I dunno, kill someone, then whapping them on the head with a spatula.

>>4393888
>You naughty boy! Mama is very displeased!
>whipping them on the ass with a spatula

THIS ISN'T RAPING MAMA.

Cooking can be just her hobby to give her an extra dimension. Normally she's got on her robe and wizard hat.

>>4394124
I said "whapping them on the head", not "smacking them on the ass"! Get it right!

i wonder if peta can be sued for that

Is it wrong that I look at any of those Mama things and automatically see Amu?

>>4394367
yup.

We knew this day would come. She could only 'fix it' so many times before the dead-end domestic life finally got to her.

Soon the police will have to deal with a mysterious serial killer that turns their victims into tasteful gourmet dishes.

>>4394354
Probably, but if Nintendo tries anything they'll probably go into full-on Annoying Liberal BAWWWWWWW Mode.

>>4394385
Good. I'd hate to be normal.

>>4394354
They tried to start a shitstorm, but Majesco, the game's creator's, hadily shot them down without losing any face at all...

>"Food lover and culinary cutie Cooking Mama is a virtual chef who believes that good home cooked food, properly prepared from the best ingredients, can bring people together around the table and make the world a happier place," the statement said. "That's why Mama is taking a stand with oven mitts raised high against the latest PETA objection targeting her freshly released videogame, Cooking Mama World Kitchen, that shipped this week for Wii from Majesco Entertainment Company. Mama wants people to know that World Kitchen includes 51 recipes from around the world, ranging from vegetarian fare like miso soup and rice cakes to international delicacies like ginger pork and octopus dumplings."

>Mama herself also spoke up on the matter, pointing out that her latest game includes over 25 vegetarian-friendly recipes. "I would never put rat in my Ratatouille," she said. "Like any accomplished cook, I create my recipes to appeal to a broad range of tastes and preferences. My only goal is to ensure you leave the table well fed." Mama added that she "fully supports the humane treatment of animals."

This is a brilliantly measured response from Majesco, which has managed to simultaneously address the issue, blow off PETA and squeeze out a little more free publicity for Cooking Mama World Kitchen, all while refusing to confer a single drop of legitimacy to what is at its heart a very stupid complaint. Well played, Majesco.

>>4394546
>Mama herself also spoke
>she said
>Mama added

I CAN'T STOP PICTURING AMU AS A TWENTY-SOMETHING WORLD FAMOUS CHEF DAMMIT WHAT THE FUCK

No more BBEG Mama ideas? Aww, and we were doing so good, too...

Of course, evil or not, even Mama knows that underlings deserve rewards for carrying out missions properly...

>>4394742
Mama knows that you don't mistreat your fucking underlings.

>>4394546
HAHAHA! Take that, PETA. Oh, you have made my goddam DAY.

>>4394754
Of course. They may be her subordinates, and a pack of liars, cheaters, manipulators, and murderers, but they love Mama, and she loves them.

Now if only those pesky lawbringers and guardsmen would stop snooping around and let Mama do her business...

>>4394658

Mama is a happy housewife and the pillar of a well-kept dwelling and a loving, content nuclear family. Every day her husband and children delight in a delicious repast.

What they don't know, however, is that Mama had a former life as a mercenary employed by South American communist terrorists - her meals are so delicious because no-one can cut cleaner with a knife than she can, and all of that bomb-making has made her very good at weighing precise amounts.

After narrowly avoiding being hacked up like sweetmeats by the Argentine army during the "Dirty War", Mama saw the error of her ways, decided that discretion was the better part of valour, and surrendered to the CIA. After her release from a harrowing and gruelling term of corrective incarceration in a Bolivian CIA holding camp, she retired from terrorism to enjoy a more sedate and safer life.

One day, there's a knock on the door. It's a policeman.

She didn't mean it. It was just a momentary lapse, it was a nervous spasm of muscle memory. The policeman was only there to ask about the the smashed rear-light on the car that her husband hadn't got round to mending yet.

But now the policeman is lain out on her porch with a kitchen knife four inches into his forehead.

She's distraught. She's appalled at herself. But as she drags the body into the house and quickly glances up and down the street to check for witnesses, she knows one thing.

She's not going back to prison, ever again...

>>4394783
So...Mama is Roberta?

FUCK YEAH

>>4394783

That's depressingly awesome.

>>4394783
"Oh dear. What a mess. This wasn't what I was hoping for at all. Now I'll be here all day dealing with this little problem - I'll never have time to go grocery-shopping later..."

For some reason the thought of her maintaing the "quiet little wife" attitude while doing such malicious acts really makes me laugh...

>>4394783
Gif related

YOU ARE THE BREAD.

LOSE AND YOU ARE TOAST.

This thread has turned out better than expected. Quite a fair number of devious ideas for our favorite kitchen queen.

>>4394849

*Ding Dong*

"Oh, Mama, hello!"

"Morning, Betty, is it alright if I come on?"

"Oh, of course, why wouldn't it be? Say, what's that you're holding?"

"Oh, I've just been picking some cinnamon from our little spice plot out back and it was so good I just had to share it! Try some of my cinnamon-and-coconut cookies?"

"As if you need to ask, 'Cooking' Mama, hah hah! Mmm, delicious."

"Whew, it's been exciting recently."

"Oh, you mean that policeman collapsing on your doorstep? I saw that. What happened to him?"

"Turns out he's epileptic, the poor fellow. It's tragic that such things can be wrong with the world, don't you agree?

"Hmmm."

"Say, did you see the squad car come and pick him up later on in the day?"

"No, I didn't actually, I did think that it was... a little... huff... puff... odd..."

"Oh, that's such a shame, it's so quiet in our neighbourhood I thought that you'd be all over it, Betty."

"Can't... breathe..."

"It made me so happy to see you wolfing down my cookies so quickly. All my time foraging in the jungle taught me the value of finding the freshest ingredients, you know."

"Hhhhhkkkkkkkkkkk..."

>>4395003
Now things are getting interesting. Please continue...

I... I'm sorry. I just had to post this.

>>4395144
Read the thumbnail as 'hooking mama'. It worked just as well.

Guess Mama wasn't always so innocent.

>>4395036

"Mr. Lorenzo, why do you have your pistol with you? Alan only has the gun-club meeting here every other Friday -- hey, don't point it! That's dangerous! Timmy's due home from school - what if he saw you? You'll give him bad habits!"

"Don't play coy, Mama. I was in 'Nam for four years - I always sensed that there was something off with you, and when the Pattison kid was found choked on his apple I knew what it was. I can see your scars through your apron."

"MISTER PETRO LORENZO! I. Am. Shocked! Shocked! Poor Billy's death was a terrible tragedy, and there you are making... making JOKES about it! I thought that you were a pillar of the neighbourhood. I'm so... so dissapointed..."

"Can it with the meek and wifely banter, Mama! It's over! Call it a citizen's arrest, if you like. The police are on their way --"

"Mr. Lorenzo, you're DRUNK. I have a clean home, here, and I don't want your beery smell stinking it up! Please leave, or I hope a few bruises will make you sober."

"oh, what's this? You're threatening me with... a leg of ham? Never bring a knife to a gunfight, Mama..."

*-*-*-*-*-*-*

"Mrs. Mama, I know this must be a very traumatic time for you..."

"It's... it's so awful! I just came in from the supermarket and he was... he was just lying there..."

"Do you know why he would be in the house, Mrs. Mama?"

"I... I can't think... oh, it's so..."

"Yes, of course, I understand, it's hard on all of us."

*-*-*-*-*-*-*

"Oh, Detective Clyde, do come in!"

"I'm sorry to bother you again, ma'am, it's just a final once over of the scene."

"Not a problem at all. Listen, Detective, you're so incredible defending the community as you do - would you like some food? Alan looking after Timmy at my sister's and it's far too much for me to eat on my own."

"Well, I suppose... Mmm... lovely ham, very succulent... you know, we've got this crook pinned, Mama. Once we find the murder weapon, he's sunk..."

>>4395215
This is awesome... /r/ archival for epic writefaggotry.

moar?

>>4395400
Please?

>>4395424
I find it somewhat odd that you rarely see Mama eat her own cooking, unless it's a dish someone else helped with...

>>4395232

Last one for now

--------------------------------------------------

"Mama darling, it's almost seven! Don't you teach your evening class down at the community college on Wednesday's?"

"Well, yes, but Alan, dear... I've been thinking of giving it up."

"...this is new. What on Earth for?"

"It's just that it seems so selfish of me - Timmy's uniform needs ironing, the pots still need washing... there's so much to do,and yet here I am faffing about with a silly little indulgence."

'Oh, darling, what nonsense! You can't stay cooped up in the house all day, Mama. Besides, it'll give those plebs down at the college something to do other than basket-weaving courses - and it'd be a crime not to share your perfect omelette with the world.

"I suppose..."

"I insist. *Kiss* Now, have a lovely evening Mama."

*-*-*-*-*-*-*

"Oh dear... we do seem to be a bit thin on the ground tonight, don't we? I hope that it's not chock-a-block on the interstate bypass again. Ah well, if there's only one soul here we can dedicate our time to making it perfect! You seem to be new, Miss...?"

"Maria, Maria Acapuleta."

"Well, Maria, what would you like to try your hand at tonight?"

"I was thinking.... Uruguayan Choripans"

"Ooh, exotic! It's so good to have a diverse palette, there's so many delightful tastes to find around the world... and quite a few fucking shitholes to crawl out of as well - Lady Condor"

"Long time no see, Bombing Mama."

-----------------------------
To be continued...

>>4395460
Ooh, cliffhanger. I am LOVING this version of Mama.

This definitely deserves archival now.

>>4395460
>Last one for now

Aww...

>>4395585

I'm sorry that there's no time for more now, but it's gone midnight over here and I do need to be up early tomorrow. I hope to come back to it tomorrow evening (GMT).

This thread is totally fucking awesome.

>>4395460
Oh shit is that some viper assassination squad

/r/ archive so this doesn't get lost until Frazer can return and write more...

>>4393415

Those things she is cooking?

Homeless people, well bits of them anyway.

>>4395726
Cheaper than beef, plus, nobody misses them or cares enough to report them!

Name: Maria "Mama" Smith
Concept: Perfect House Wife
Undertaking: Charmer
Virtue: Hope
Vice: Wrath

Strength: 2
Dexterity: 4
Stamina: 3
Intelligence: 4
Wits: 4
Resolve: 5
Charisma: 4
Manipulation: 3
Composure: 3

Academics: 2
Investigation: 3
Craft (cooking): 5
Medicine: 1
Science (explosives): 5

Athletics: 2
Brawl: 1
Larceny: 3
Stealth: 2
Survival: 4
Weaponry: 5

Empathy: 4
Persuasion: 4
Socialize: 3
Subterfuge: 5
Merits:
Eidetic Memory 2
Language 5
Fighting Finesse 2
Iron Stomach 2
Weaponry Dodge 1
Allies 1 (beloved by the community)
Fame 1 (best cook in town)
Resources 3 (well off suburban home)
Striking looks 2

Willpower: 7
Health: 8
Morality: 3
Derangement: Obsessive Compulsion (severe), Suspicion (mild), Fugue (severe)
Talent: Disarming
Frailty: The Veneer

>>4395923
Nice... I recognize it as WoD statting, but I'm not quite familiar with their stuff enough to narrow down the specifics... nothing seems supernatural... is it Hunter?

>>4395988
Slasher, actually, an offshoot of Hunter. Granted, I gave her some pretty beefy stats, but I figure Mama deserves the best, don't you?

>>4396009
Everyone loves Mama...
...or else.

>>4395923
She's clearly an Exalt though, with Sidereal Culinary Arts.
Or Craftsman Needs No Tools so she cooks Essence times faster than normal men.

>>4396009
for the handful of us out there (like myself) unfamiliar with Hunter details, mind explaining some of the stuff you chose? Like what is "Undertaking: Charmer"? Or "Talent: Disarming" and "Frailty: The Veneer"?

That is, if it's no trouble, I mean. I know some folks' WoD experience doesn't travel past wolf/vamp/mage, so a bit of clarity for the unfamiliar points is handy...

So I have this vision of Mama now, in an Evil Genius style base and the TF2 guys as minions. With her powerful cooking, she's drawn in defectors from both RED and BLU, and started her own little crime base on an exotic isle somewhere.

http://rule34.paheal.net/post/list/cooking_mama/1

>>4396187
She's an awesome cook, but THAT good? even for her, that might be too much credit on culinary skill alone.

Must be adding something to it.

>>4395215
>"Well, I suppose... Mmm... lovely ham, very succulent... you know, we've got this crook pinned, Mama. Once we find the murder weapon, he's sunk..."

Very Roald Dahl.

She's the famed chef of the kings castle. She butchers and cooks the peasants and the party is the only one who knows her secret. She lies to the king that the party is trying to murder her out of envy. Go!

>>4396395
man

wat

wat
wat

wat

wat
wat

>>4396395
holy shit, dude.

>>4396227
Indeed. quite an interesting twist.

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/4393415/

vote it up

"Don't worry... Mama will make them pay... Mama will make them ALL pay..."

>>4396654
Done and done.

Any more ideas, or shall I keep bumping until our wonderful writefag returns?

>>4394498
those faggots are not liberals, politics move in a circle. although peta probably should be excluded in its own "retard" affiliation.

>>4397130
SSHHHH, this is a nice thread, don't awaken the...questionable political philosophy and impotent rage of the white, male, basement dweller.

>>4397157
But what's not to love about the premise we've, heheh, cooked-up? Ordinary-seeming housewife secretly an ex-mercenary terrorist/assassin? It's like "Mr. and Mrs. Smith", but without the bad acting or Brad Pitt.

Mama is an Artificer whose real children were stolen by a local temple in a cursed town as sacrifices to feed the demon ruling over them.

Mama has turned herself into a lich and now creates flesh golems using the skin of her fellow townsfolk, but has, of late, been branching outward from the town to collect specimens for her children.

Her phylactery? An old, broken oven in the house where she raised her babies.

>>4397240

>>4397319
Oh Ruel, you card.

>>4397240
whoa, now THAT came outta left field.

>>4397209

You do realize this means she has a skintight black bodyglove. The blade holster in the jackboots has a spatula in it.

>>4397319
>>4397350
Just taking the thread back on topic, is all. XD

Psst. Mama confirmed for Brawl.

>>4397352
That is oddly alluring.

>>4397451
Oh, I only WISH. That would be awesome.

>>4397352

>>4397451
want

>>4397352
"Don't worry, mama will fix it"

*building in distance explodes*

*La Femme Nikita Theme*

>>4396148
bit of help here?

This seems appropriate.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ0AhVyKCLY

>>4397515
Tried to find a good image of the big explosion in the MacGyver intro to photoshop the Cooking Mama text over, but couldn't. oh well.

>>4397776
Be classy. Use the twin towers and Mama in a burka.

>>4397863
Mama's not some alQaeda sandnigger bitch - that thing on her head's a scarf, not a towel.

I would defintely consider this thread an unexpected success.

NOW it's a success.

>>4398048
Yes. Yes it is.

>>4397888
9/11 was an inside job. A DELICIOUS job.

>>4398048
I'll probably add color to this later.

This thread explains a few things about /ck/.

>>4398324
only a FEW?

new setting.

this time, Moma is the sweet, innocent housewife both inside and out.

the PCs are a colony of cockroaches. the goal is to steal her food and avoid extermination. add liberal amounts of grimdark (from the cockroach perspective) and there you go.

>>4398390
playing as nonhumanoids is very trcky, from an RP perspective, if only because it's hard to get into a fitting mindset for a creature wholly alien to oneself...

>>4398419
no, you still play with a human mindset.

to the cockroaches Mama is a sort of terrible god who gives both sustenance and destruction equally.

>>4398432
Ooh, clever. she's still "evil", in a way, but not via any change in her original characterization. Not too shabby.

>>4398432
prophesy speaks of an eventual day of Armageddon, when the Fumigators would bring complete death and destruction to all roachkind.

I envision the cockroaches' mindset to be almost completely human, except with a few key differences:

1. tolerance to pain, horror and death of companions is much much higher, because those things are all so commonplace and they're desensitized. truly horrible things - like being in the inside of a crowded roach hotel - should still cause terror though.

2. they cannot understand what Mama is, why she kills them, why she leaves food for them, etc. whole religions spring up to explain her intentions, in more and more outlandish ways, and they're all fantastically wrong.

3. they don't bond as easily to one another because they know any of them could die, at any second.

how does u archive this thread
>ask the roaches
What?
>What?
someone arhive this thread please?
>no this thread is good but not archive worthy
i disagree, this cooking mama thread is epic

>>4398531
>they don't bond as easily to one another because they know any of them could die, at any second.

but when they do bond it's a very strong bond. and you get little-girl-tears scenes where a cockroach gets nailed to a floorboard and another brings food to it for weeks until it finally dies.

>>4398541
it's already gotten archival.

Everytime I see Mama, I think about fucking Cap-Tan

I miss Frazer's writefaggotry already.

We need more badass ex-mercenary Mama.

bump

>>4398976
more bump

>>4398976
>>4399317

Damm woman, don't kill me

>>4399338
Don''t disrespect her cooking, and you'll likely live.

>>4399392
I respect her cooking immensely, but I can never forget that dark night in Rio back in '02. The police never found all of them, just a bloody cheese grater. On the plus side that was the most delicious gumbo I ever had.

>>4399520
She swore most of it really was just pork and chicken...

Last bump. If Frazer returns and this is still going by morning, then bully for him, as they say.

If not, then hopefully either him or myself will start a new thread to finish his epic writefaggotry.

Either way, the Killing Mama series will continue.

bumping for awesome.

>>4399918
Yay for Awesome!

>>4393438
Well, a year or so ago, WotC did stat up a Calzone Golem.

>>4400527
I remember that adventure. Very cool. It's the most delicious fight I've ever had.

>>4400527
Man, now I'm craving some Italian. Argh.