"The Adventures of Commissar Fuklaw"

>>4604763
Fuuuuk-uk-uk-uk-uk-uk-uk

"Everyone loves Calgar"

Praise the Emperor: Episode 9,132,444,267,658

What sort of purging shenanigans will the Most Holy Emperor get himself into then come out victorious this time?

Creed's Clues
Try and find out what direction the flank attack is coming from this time!

"Ordos", a COPS-style show about the least soul-searing activities groups of Inquisitorial Acolytes get up to.

Painting with Bob Ross.

Still.

ARBITES

"ARBITES is filmed on location with the men and women of the Adeptus Arbites. All heretics are considered guilty in the eyes of the Emperor."

>>4604790
correction

Inquisitor Lord Bob Ross

They also say that if you fiddle with the remote enough you can get Dark Eldar channels.

>>4604789
>>4604799
Well shit, I just got inspiration for a Dark Heresy mission.

"Dreadnought Sports Extreme Stunts"

Surfing, Skateboarding, Snowboarding, Skiing
Lots of Women

>>4604790

"And remember, be sure to make your Tyranid Capillary Towers happy Towers!"

>>4604801
I'm pretty sure it's High Lord of Terra Bob Ross.

>>4604803
Yeah, but they come in all static-y and you can hardly ever hear anything.

You can hear their screams though. Those come through clear as day.

"In the Criminal Justice System the Imperium is represented by two separate, yet equally important groups. The Inquisition who investigate heresy and the Arbites who execute the offenders. These are their stories."

"Commissar Rogers' Neighborhood"

After 2 am the infomercials get freaky

Another season of "24"

Orkbob Gitpants

>>4604825
Mr. Rogers eh?

Adjudicator Judy

Watch as a funny accented Arbites representative solves disputes between two parties by forcing them both into a kneeling position and beating them to mush with a shock-baton.

Lost.

>>4604834

"The acession negotiations with the Katharii are at a critical phase, there's a Gue'la death-squad on the rampage, my Shas'o is defecting to Farsight and I think that my daughter is trying to break caste.

This is the longest ro'taa of my life"

Por'ui Kei'pha IS Shas'vre Bow'ur IN "15"

>>4604850
Fuck. Beat me to it.

simpsons

The Golden Throne Girls. Humanity will not tolerate a loss as great as they.

Spike TV
TV for Chaos.

I love Lucius.

Do a find and replace on the following, replacing Jew with heretic/xenos/traitor.

http://www.memri.org/bin/articles.cgi?Page=archives&Area=sd&ID=SP157707

boyz sez da darndest fings.

Star Trek: The Heretical Comedy

"The Dr.Vect show"

They also still show "Jackass" except that the victims are condemned heretics from whom some last dregs of worth are wrung out of their miserable, wasted lives by providing comedy pratfalls and entertainment to the faithful viewing public.

"Ooh! Ah! Ow! Speeding down that hill while nailed to a skateboard and then bailing onto a lorry-spill of thumbtacks can't have been pleasant!"

"Well, he was a jackass for presuming to disobey the Emperor!"

Naturaly, necron television consists of silent comedies and drama.

>>4604922
I kind of figured it to be just snow

Cooking with Kharne

H*E*R*E*S*Y

>>4604809
http://evenindeathistillsurf.ytmnd.com/

>>4604959
Painting with Kharn. Kharn acts like Bob Ross.

actually there were two pieces of tau fluff that had television.

The one that had the tau war correspondent broadcasting about the annexation of an imperial world and another one a propaganda commercial that was to be shown on imperial citizens televisions by tau espionage gue'vesa.

A variety of educational programmes (the sort that you'll set your VCR to record for consumption during the day) are shown during the early-morning shutdown period. Topics include Practical Torture (Module 1033: getting your subject to sign a confession when all of his fingers are broken) and xeno-biology (by studying alien anatomy you know the best place to swing your axe).

Daily Hate Hour with Tom and Mandy.
Today's topic: xeno scum.

>>4604988
NOW WE'RE GOING TO PAINT A HAPPY LITTLE BUSH.

WE'RE ONLY USING A DAB OF RED HERE. AND THEN EVERYTHING ELSE IS RED TOO. RED. BLOOD. MAIM KILL BURN.

BUT BE SURE TO MAKE THAT BUSH HAPPY TO MAIM KILL AND BURN FOR KHORNE

>>4605030
NOW WE'LL PAINT A HAPPY LITTLE SKULL. IT'S SMILING. THERE. NOW ADD MORE SKULLS.

>>4605039

The Commissar Cain Power Hour!

*Warning, not suitable for younger viewers

Ten years ago, in 999.M41, a crack stormtrooper unit was sent to a penal legion by a commissar for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Necromunda underground. Today, still wanted by the Imperial Guard, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire... The Alpha Team.

Videodrome is suddenly a documentary

Gorken Morkann, Episode 8.

[spoiler]Warboss Kah-Menah dies during his fight with the Kroot mercenary V'ral and his custom Crisis Suit N'Kido.[/spoiler]

Lost.

Still running. No-one still knows what the fuck is going on, even aftert the Imperial palace built over the island.

Marbo: First Blood

>>4605155

See:

>>4604856
>>4604850

I remember some of the Commisar Cain novels mentions popular some media. Most of it is thinly veiled Imperial propaganda detailing the action packed lives of various Imperial organizations.

"Techpriest Scrapyard Challenge: Man and machine, Power Extreme!"

The Daily show is an underground broadcast with the studios secretly hidden on a smugglers vessel. The Colbert Report is supported by Imperial propaganda writers who are too dumb to catch the jokes

*late night ad* would you like to see hot sexy tau dancing naked sexily on your mobile device get them within the next 10 minutes to only get half heretical punishment

Tyranids Vs Eldar 2: Evolutions

Tour of Duty.

In the grim darkness of the year 40k there are only two channels.
One is Imperial Propaganda.
The other is a Inquisitor telling you to switch back to the other channel.

I did something awesome along these lines months ago.

Wish I could remember them other than an electronica concert hosted by the AdMech.

"That's my Heretic!"

Every week the same group of heretics plan a new scheme to overthrow the Emperor and establish Chaos everywhere. And every week their plan fails hilariously.

i'll think up some more when i can

A Question of Heresy
Have i got Heretics for you
Whose Xenos is it anyway?
Citizen Cain
The Sound of Heresy
Xenomon

Top Gear

Nothing is changed.

Nascar with Orks.

>>4605521
Some say, he races Evil Suns across planets without painting his car red.

All we know is, he's called the Stig.

CSI: Cadia

The Marc Lecointe show.

>>4605490
>Citizen Khaine

>>4604809

Hereticbusters.

Red ones and why dey goes fasta'

Horus M.D.

Sisters of Battle's spandex exercise in the morning

Survivor: Catachan edition.

"oww my nuts" u guys gotta get this.

Porn more Porn.

TV IN THE 40K!?

Now this is a story all about how
My life got flipped, turned upside down
I'd like to take a minute just sit right there,
and tell you how I became the god emperor of mankind
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeelllllll

>>4605862
The Fresh Emperor of Terra.

>>4605849
that's a give-in, by the year 40k the empire is most likely funded by smut.

p.s.- i told some WODers that it was for fags... or pedophiles, but i could be talking about 4chan. just one person tell me whats up, let's stay mainly on topic.

Desperate Sororitas.

Porn = Heresy

>>4605897
If you can implant organs into people to allow them to spit acid, porn isn't much of a problem.

>>4605897
not in the year 40,000, pal. your thinking too 2000 and late.

Porn = Lust = Slaanesh.

Writefag needed here!

Marneus Calgar's encounters with crocodiles

Pimp my Landraider.

Imerial Idol.

Fight Cult

My Super Sweet Sororitas

Crocodile Hunter show but in 40k

>>4605979
Imperial.

Imperium of Man's Next Top Model.
Adeptus Magiver.
I.G. Joe.
I, Astartes.
The Simpsons.

Robot Wars, till those fucking mechanical-rights activist fuckers on Mars got it taken off the air. ='(

>>4606024
Inb4 Necron turns into drama whore

Backyard Exterminatus
Death World Musical

This thread also should probably be archived

Propaganda.

More propaganda.

Even more propaganda.

Origami.

Fox news

>>4606029
'and the world eater. He just leaves his ***ing scabs and nail clippings everywhere. And when it's his turn to cook dinner, he cuts himself on purpose. There's always blood in the food!'

>>4606045
Elfdar: FUCK SAKE DERICK!


I can't live in this house anymore...

That's So Blood Raven!

Everyone Loves The Emperor

Lifestyles of the Pure and Pious

Oh god, think of the early morning religious shows

>>4606085
Just some representative of thr Ecclesiarch storm up and down an aisle with a chainsword revving loudly, doesn't even say a word.

Doom Rider.

A show about a daemonically possessed bike and the guy who rides it.

Now showing on Spike TV. TV for Chaos.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Ratlings.

Dateline: To Catch a Heretic.

At Emperormass, all the local channels show a long loop of a cheery burning heretic.

>>4606127
>Tech-Heresy Busters

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUCK YES!!!!!

Band of Battle Brothers.

House Lord Medicae
Real Habwives of Necromunda
The Hives
Tech-Heresy Busters

This week on Eye of Terror TV.

Fashion Channel: This seasons colour, BLACK.
SciFi Channel: Imperium of Chaos
Discovery: The mating habits of Nurglings
Chaos Public Broadcast: Tzeentch's Hypotheticals: What would you do if you ran the Black Crusade?

>>4606139
'always look on the briiight side of life'

I wish I had all those pictures with space marine shopped to be a tv presenter. I saved them, but not on this computer.

Mobile Battlesuit G'un D'Am: Tau Network, obviously

Dad's Regiment: PDF regiment charged with guarding some backwater planet of the Imperium made up completely of old geezers and kids.)

Mail Call 40,000, only on the Dark History Channel!

Mutant Hunter: Brother Captain Erwin shows the proper way to execute the various mutated heretical species present on other planets.

Scoobius Doo: Childrens show starring a group of colorful Inquisitors sniffing out heresy with the help of their gluttonous pet arco-flagellant and his cowardly handler, Brother Shaggius. Episode always ends with laughter over the cleansing flames of prometheium.

Empra Channel: Live feed of the Empra on the throne, all day, all the time, just in case he wakes up, with commentators (you know you don't want to miss that).

Dancing With the Astartes: Do I need to say more?

>>4606202
+++ Emperor declines to comment +++ Is your anus prepared? +++

>>4606214
Oh i do believe he twitched, no, trick of the eye but isn't he looking great.

Band of Battle Brothers: Follow the story of the Ultramarines 3rd Company as they wage war across the galaxy- from the trenches of Cadia to the scorched plains of Armageddon.

Pimp My Power Armor: Techmarines spruce up a Marine's armor with all sorts of new and exciting devices, like improved vox-casters to infrared visors.

Gorken-Morkann: A young Ork boy, a tough Nob, and a scantily-dressed female Eldar Ranger use an Ork Gargant in order to liberate the beleaguered Orks of Geehan from the grasp of the Tau Empire under Shas'O V'Ral and Ethereal Aun'G'Nome.

>>4606214
HONEY! COME HERE! THE EMPEROR! HE MOVE HE STARTED TO MOVE! THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY FOR THE IMPERIUM!

Rogue Trader Presents: Starships of 40th Millennium.
Episode XXIV: Eldar Wraithships, genuine vids and battle reports.

Mek Gyver

Everything's the same except with added dakka.

Hey, cool! "The Exorcist" is on at Hive Box Office...

...wait, where's the little possessed girl?! Or the priests?! All I see is this big tank with organ pipes that shoot shells! Fucking rip-off!

How I Met Your Emprah

Desperate Horuswives

How i met your Taldeer.

Lightning Bug

The eye of terror broadcasts the all slaneesh channel.
Slaneesh looks like harry flint

The fabulous life of : Marneus Calgar

Three Astartes and a half.

Two and a Half Hrudd.

Salamanders coocking channel

Tonight, on The Twilight Sector:

A group of Space Marines are stranded on a deserted space station. There is no sign that there was ever any life there, human or otherwise.

What they don't know is, they are being... PURSUED.

>>4606448

In the era of black inquisition ships, they'd have to win in the end without so much as a scratch of the station managers would be whisked away in the night to be tortured to death.

Really takes the drama out of prime time, doesn't it?

CSI: Ulthwe
Horatio Khaine
YEEEEEEEAAAAAH

"Thats so Ravenwing"

Astartes Pilates

Emerilus

Brothers and Sisters of Battle

Commisar Academy

they probably would have a ragetime televion show like in 1984

Monday Night Bloodbowl

The Upper-Hive Life With Zacharius and Kodiy.

Imperium Today "News"

The Tau Empire has a comedy show akin to 'Will and Grace', but instead of the different, oddly lovable character being a gay guy, it's just a Gue'la.

The Late-Night Show With Davian Thule

The Grey Knight

We follow the Grey Knight as he battle The Laughing God and his Harlequins.

Good Morning Terra

Everything is propaganda.


....fox news?

How about a Charlie's Angels-esque show featuring a trio of Sororitas?

The Imperium's Most Satisfying Arbites Executions Caught on Tape

When Muties Attack

Filthy, Wretched Heretics of Waverley Place.

>>4605490 here
More films to add

Citizen Khaine (Thanks >>4605803)
To kill a Tyranid
I, Necron
Fire Dragon's den
Ulthwe's got talent
Master and commander: The far side of the Craftworld
Heretics of the carribean
Khorne in the big red house
My Super-ex Farseer

>>4606686
ONE, TWO, THREE.
THAT'S THREE SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE.
THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME COUNT CHILDREN, YOU WILL BE BLESSED WITH MY IMAGE.

Angry Marine Square Bolter

Nothing but GRIMDARK version of Cspan, public executions of prisoners all the time, and the Seven Million Club.

The adventures of Creed:Tactical Genius

Mork and Gork and Mindy

>>4605082

WOULD WATCH
THE FRAKKING SHIT
OUT OF THAT

Come onnnnn

come onnnnnn

is it 40.000 yet

Gaunts Gone Wild

>>4606686
Even more films:

Saving Brother Krellman
30
Dark Angels 2: Revenge of the Fallen

>>4606686

MG Pattern Lasrifle
Exterminatus Now
Squad
The Grox Hunter

Canis the Daemon Hunter

>>4606273
Yo dawg, we know you like cleansing heretics, so we put a flamer on your powerfist so you can scorch them while you beat their miserable heretic faces into a bloody pulp.

Space, the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Battle Barge Litany of Fury. Her ongoing mission: to capture new worlds, purge new xenos and burn heretic civilizations. TO BOLDLY FIGHT WHAT NO IMPERIAL GUARD WILL EVER DARE TO FIGHT!

The Khorny Khollins Show.

>>4606782
WE DANCE AND DANCE AND DANCE
UNTIL ONE OF THE DANCERS IS A LOVELY LITTLE PILE OF GOOP!
THEN WE ROLL IN SAID BLOODY GOOP, SCREAMING OUR PRAISE TO KHORNE

That M32's Show

>>4606755
gaunts out of synapse range

>>4606760
And more films:

A Fistful of Thrones
The Good, The Bad, and the Mutated
The Battle Barge Omnis Arcanum
Lord High Marshal Smith Goes To Terra
One Flew Over The Vespid's Hive (Tau audiences only)

Arbites: The show follows Arbites squadrons on patrol around various Imperial worlds. Catchy opening theme.

Where Vultures Dare

Our Man In Necromunda

Children of the Khorne

Starship Troopers
(all three of them)

>>4606836
MY DAUGHTERS HAVE A SHOW?
DID YOU HEAR THAT GIRLS?

>>4606844
There is only ONE Starship Troopers.

>>4606760
http://exterminatusnow.comicgenesis.com/

Highlander

There can be only one Exarch.

>>4606844
>implying there are ST 2 & 3

>>4605490 here again

Moving on to a taste of sitcoms
Yes, Emperor
Who's Da Warboss?
Welcome to the craftworld
waiting for the emperor
two battle brothers and a sister of battle
trailer park boyz
tom goes to the emperor
that 40K's show
Sabrina, the teenage farseer
One of Da Boyz
My parents are Tyranids
Missionary hill
Last of the Summer Blood
its always sunny in craftworld Ulthwe
The Fresh Seer of Biel-tan
All american Canoness
Heretics in the family

i'll be honest here, i probably did all the easiest ones >_<

>>One Flew Over The Vespid's Hive (Tau audiences only)

That could make a lot of sense for Imperial TV actually. A slipshod, indolent, Imperial Guard prisoner of war - unworthy in the Emperor's sight - decides to join the Tau's reeducation program with its promise of better food and cleaner beds. On arrival thouggh, he's horrified to find the other attendees being ground into meek, submissive, drones under the heartless regime of the gue'vesa traitress matron, rediscovers his own faith and stokes it back up in the other members of the reeducation programme and teaches them how to hate the alien again. Getting trepanned by a Fio'vre surgeon at the end can even stay, because the tragic end only inspires righteous indignation against the villanous xenso in teh audience.

>>4606915
>trailer park boyz
NEW ARMY THEME DETECTED

teletubbies.

da empra is the sun, the teletubies are different marine primarch.

Survivor in extreme hostile words.

"now this isnt exactly emperor sanctioned rations, but it will get you living another day to fight for the imperium of man and its glorious emperor"

>>4607087
>Survivor: Catachan
"Has anyone seen the camera crew? Or the other tribe? FOR THE EMPEROR'S SAKE DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING!"

>Survivor: Krieg
"This air sucks. Why is my hair falling out? Where the fuck is everyone? OH GOD LAND MINES EVERYWHERE."

The equivalent of tv evangelism, of course.

"Prayuhs da EMPRAAAHH!!"

>>4604803
lol

Live stream of the warp. Traffic Report.

>>4607087
>>4607095
>Survivor: Savlar
"THE FUCKING COLORS, MAN, HOLY SHIT I CAN TASTE THE COLORS."

>>4607095
Awsome, would watch.

40K Simpsons, because that show simply will not die.

Also, there has to be a version of M*A*S*H out there for the IG.

waaa-oh.

>>4607113
Survivor: Phyrr:

"Oh this place seems kind of nice, nice green forrests, cats and...OH GOD I'M MELTING FROM THE INSIDE! AND ALL I DID WAS BREATHE THE AIR!"

Bloomsburg Business Report:

"Despite the economic uncertainty the Altair Index closed up 900 points today, thanks to a continued strong showing from the arms manufacturing sector which continues its 10,000 year long rise..."

Warp Factor / FearFactor.

10 Contestants will face their greatest fears. Only one will emerge victorious.

>>4607168
Are horrible mutations included?

Imperium News Network with live news of the frontline.

"but general creed, the heretic possess numerial advantage, how do you plan on defeating them?"

"well you se,, has a emperor fearing man, i have my ways of doing things"

in the background, the screams of a heretic general echoes:

"CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!"

>>4606915
>Macha the Teenage Farseer
...Oh goddammit.

Battlestar Galatica on the History Channel.

CBS Special Report: Salamanders
Black in Space

>>4606915
>The Fresh Seer of Ulthwe
Starring Eldrad Ulthran as Will, and Warlock Butte Mon'Keigh as Carlton.

>>4607168
Or in one piece

How I Met Your Pysker.

Event Horizon.
Historical Fiction.

Night of the Void Dragon is on right now. Fuck, even with a low budget, this is still creepy. I... see Necrons everywhere in the shadows now. I can't sleep.

Fuck you, horror film. Fuck you.

>>4607220

What the fuck did you just say?

Walker, Terran Emprah. Because you know he's actually been Chuck Norris all along.

>>4607151

Daemonbusters

>>4606806

Good Morning Armageddon
Marbo First Blood Part II
The Guns of Medrengard
The Bridge on the Big Toof River
Master Chirugeon Zhyvago

Seinfeld
and The Screensavers gets revived.