As I was reading through this thread, my cat smacked my bare foot with her paw. In utter shock, I jumped out of my seat and smashed my knees on the bottom of the desk. Because of the pain, my legs reflexively withdrew, while I was leaping out of the seat at the same time. The back of my legs knocked the chair out from under me, and so I fell back onto nothing. As I was tumbling backwards, I reflexively grabbed the drapes to the window directly to my right, but the curtain rod would not hold up a fully grown man. The now-free curtain rod swung behind me, smashing into my warhammer fantasy goblin army, many of which are huge blocks of spearmen. They fell to the floor, several landing spear tips up, and my slow and awkward tumble finally met the floor and the spearmen. I have several holes in my back now, a unit and a half of goblin spearmen have been crushed, my curtain rod has been bent and wont fit back in the holding properly, I snapped a leg on my old wooden chair, and my kneecaps are throbbing.
The cat is fine.
Fuck you both, OP.