is this a Jim Profit thread?

>>4965693
???

Jim Darkmagic but realz

Bitches always ruin games. I used to work for a games store in Boston, bunch of girls almost drove off about 60% of our customer base.

forced hate is forced

OP, I want to hear your story.

Anywho, I don't entirely agree with >>4965752 but my girlfriend decided to humor me by playing DnD. She was a pathetic boring hack-and-slasher who never actually did anything in game but got pissy whenever I focused on another person's turn. It got bad enough to the point where she got up and left in the middle of a game to go pout in another room. Naturally we kept playing.

Just 5 words for you here, "It was all a dream".

Actually that was a tie with my other worst experience, a game of Unhallowed in which the GM took not a sinlge fucking action to control the players, it was the most farcical 8 week long "one off" ive ever played.

>>4965945
ELABORATE, MORTAL.

>>4965966
Well the first example is from a game of M&M in which we all played fairly powerful mutants, the "government" then tried to hassle us into some missions despite the fact that most of us could anihilate them with minimal effort.
Then followed the intro level from COD modern Warfare, i shit you not, our flyer nuked the migs before they could hit the ship and we all flew off.
Only to discover for no apparent reason whatsoever that it had all been a dream in an attempt to reconcile huge continuity errors.

Back in the day my fiance used to play with my group (she played with us because there was another girl in the group and I wasn't allowed to have female friends) but anyway.

She spent a good part of the beginning of our D&D game bitching and posturing - so being the DM I tried bringing her into order by making her character walk head first into a pole...she got pissed but continued to play - after that it was down hill, while the rest of the group RPed and earned exp and had fun, she complained and stewed and fought and basically ruined the game for the rest of us until she said she had a migraine and went to the bedroom. We played without her and it was good man, real good

Recent.
"BANANA, BANana, BAnana, Banana, banana."

We were playing 3.0 dnd, ravenloft campaign.
ONE of our players was like "im bored of these weak creatures give use the biggest thing you got"

DM- you don't want that.
PLAYER- yeah i do! don't tell me what I want.
DM- everyone else okay with it?
US- If it stops his bitching lol.
DM- Well, i can see it making him bitch more....
US- whatever.

You hear howling. You see a Lycanthrope, And it has a lute. A familiar song is played ( the one that summons wolves) but it is a louder and more powerful song. what do you do?

DM- you got 5 turns before they get here. (wolves)

this fucking thing had 23 AC, hits like a fucking truck. And gets our party at half hp before we kill him.

DM-okay you got 1 round before they are here.
I naturally summon Tenser's floating disc and fly my ass away. bringing our barbarian with me. The pally gets on his horse and bolts. The player who was bitching is like Well im a rogue ill sneak by his corpse and loot him. "sweet i found a poison dagger!"

The wolves get there use scent find the rogue and slaughter him mercilessly.

How many?
25 Medium Wolves, 10 Large Dire Wolves.

DM-Here's a character sheet richard.
Richard- this is fucking dumb
DM- oh and you dont get to keep that dagger.

>>4967326

Hahaha, that was FUCKAWESOME

>>4967348
we were at level 7. so he has to relevel. DM said no experience can be kept cause be bitches so much. hoping that he will quit. the player was like I don't care, just less work for me to do now.

Worst player I have to deal with is just slow. Like, he takes forever to figure out what's going on and what he wants to do. Then he just goes up and hits the nearest thing anyway.

Well, then there's my girlfriend. She takes the game too seriously. I'm pretty sure she'd break something if her character ever died, good thing my campaigns usually die before anything gets that dangerous.

>>4967326
I DM a 3.5 and was playing with a fairly new group.

One of the players is a monk and as the party enter the town he asks to go to an alchemist shop and purchase some sulfer.

So I don't stop him I make a point to give the players a lot of freedom. So he gets his sulfer and then one of my friends tells me that he is planning on making a grenade using gun powder. Which would have been fine despite the fact he has no skill points in alchemy, never asked me if he could do such a thing, and aparrently didn't have it in his mind that the DM is god.

So what do I do I let him buy what he needs, but change give the BBEG an item equivilent to giving him the abillities of a fate seer.

So the party meets up with the BBEG and gets there shit trashed (the BBEG was trying to capture them and then kill them james bond villan style.) The only person left is the monk. This is what happens.

Player: I take out a cylinder.

Me: What cylinder?

Player: The one my character was working on last night (they slept at an inn and he told me nothing of this.)

Me: Okay thats your action. You see the Wizard prepare to cast a spell. (the wizard used one of his spells to trigger it on the players turn whether that is legal I really do not give a shit)

Player: I light the fues and I throw it.

a long pauce

Me: okay reflex save

Player: what?

Me: Make a reflex save

rolls gets a 8 not high enough

Me: The wizard casts his spell forming an ice wall infront of you as you throw the cylinder. It bounces of the wall and lands at your feet. How much damage does a grenade do?

Needless to say it was a lot well beyond his remaining hp as punishment his character lost both his arms and I would not let him re-roll.

He later blamed me for playing favorites with my campaign and nobody cared.

Playing 4E with a bugbear fighter. Makes his character the single ugliest creature imaginable, covered with battle scars and most of his face melted by acid.

We spend a night taking watch of a caravan, and what does he do on his turn but kill a cow, wear its skin, and spend the rest of the night MOOing his heart out 'in case we were ambushed' so he could get a surprise round.

Dedicated to annoying everyone

>>4967626
Dude, I'm sorry but...

that's hilarious and I could totally see that being a fun session.

>>4967586

If he didn't have any points in Alchemy, you could have said that the reaction was unstable and detonated in his hand when he fucked up making the fuse.

>>4967326
>Richard

Goddamn what is it with Richards being faggots.

>>4967679

Not a Richard, but doesn't it suck ass when someone retells a story about another person with your name being a total faggot?

And I'm a faggot ffs.

OKAY. As most awful gaming moments, this one involves the Deck of Many Things (god damn it... I hate that fucking thing... I've never seen anyone do anything cool with it. Almost did once... but the game fell apart).

So anyway, we were playing in this sub-par campaign where we walked around and stabbed things while the DM dicked us over. At some point I got a magic shield, but some 25th level guy in black armor who the DM said, I shit you not, was him if he was in d&d, poped in and stole it. Eventually, he ran out of ideas, and decided that he was going to place another Mary Sue in the world, and have him sell draws from the deck of many things for 10 gp a pop...

If this wasn't stupid enough, he drew the cards behind the table, then told us what we got. He said it was his own custom thing...

After everyone had gained experience and magic items, I decide, why not, I'll draw a bunch of cards and either die or have my character retire and never come back.

Card one: I turn into his new race, a... you guessed it... cat-person. (every fucking asshole has a god damned motherfucking cat person race.)

Card two: I turn blue...

Card three: I gain a keep in the middle of this town full of evil people ruled by a council of Mary Sues

Card Four: My horse turns evil... for some reason.

After that I stopped, then said I had a test the next day and left. Why I bothered to stay as long as I did is a mystery to me. I guess it was because it was one of my first games and I was trying to be nice. I don't really do that anymore because of shit like that.

>>4967706
lawl your DM is so randum XD

>>4967713
I made myself mad just thinking about it.

>>4967706

I can see that DM giving a player a magic spork as a weapon because "LAWL SO RANDUM"

>>4967626
i will do this... lolol

>>4967677
Yeah but the reason the dumbass was doing it was because he was trying to "out smart me"
I thought about doing that, but I wanted it to work because later the BBEG began throwing zombies at the players with "cylinders" attached to there chests. The party basically blamed him and he remains the dumbass of our group even though I'm not a DM.

>>4967758
Haha, outsmarting the DM... hahaha...

this.

>>4967626
>>4967674

My worst particular moment was one where my party was investigating a castgle. Now the castle was mostly empty, but me, the bard, and a rogue all entered one little room.

This room was occupied by someone, literally, 2.5x our level at the time, and had every reason in the world to kill us. Instead, he gives us 3 sentences to save our sorry asses and get the hell away.

And I quote the player. "I throw a fork at his head, then teleport out of the room."

Went to small town college and the players there have been horrible and are getting worse.

In the past it usually went within 3-4 games every player killed the other cause no one could make a willing to group character. Then they always asked the DM to start a whole new campaign.

If this was bad enough the new groups find any way they can to ruin the campaign. In a small town secretly run by vampires? Well the cops must be evil lets blow up the police station.

Wait your characters don't know vampires are running the town, it was leaked by a douchebag friend the DM was trying to ask opinion of.

They gotta be evil though so we blow it up. Ohh and blow up the one person in our group who was smart enough to buy a car's car.

Your stranded in a town you pissed every single person off in. You all get gang raped I'm going home.

>>4967626
I'm sure it sucked at the time, but god damn did the image make me lol.

Off the top of my head, any of my players that chose chaotic neutral (or the equivalent in the system I was running).

>>4967626
I lol'd, hard

>>4967805

>halfling rouge
>rouge

>>4967805

Meh.

Back when I was a young lad of 16 I played Rifts with a creepy guy who made a pair of Ley Line Walkers who were brother and sister, and they had sex. This guy eventually was caught molesting young boys and was in jail until recently. He showed up at my FLGS' Yu-gi-oh night and had to be thrown out.

This gothic chick.
She always made 14 year old boy characters. D&D whatever , she always wanted to make her 14 year old MUD character into every system.
In Shadowrun , her characters had only one combat related skill, Edge Weapons.
Apparently some Johnson wants to hire a 14 year old boy with only Edged Weapons skill. Thanks a lot bitch.

>>4968167
Only edged weapons eh? Sounds like he's going to get his face blown off.

Also, I always want to play Orcs in Shadowrun like 40k Orcs. OI!

>>4968074
I read this the other day in another thread. Are you somebody else copy/pasting from memory or are you too lazy to recount the whole thing?

>>4968177
Yeah ,well thankfully that campaign kinda fell apart.
But yeah (40k orks, aka Street Punk Oi! Orks) sounds like a good idea. I may have to steal it.

>>4968167
I've managed to successfully play a dwarf in shadowrun without ever using a firearm. I did die, but then we were all pretty fucked in that situation anyway.
It can be done.

A friend was running City of the Spider Queen and "converting" it to 3.5. There are so many rage moments I'll have to keep it to a short list.

Vampires draining 2 levels every time they hit, not just once a round.

Rigged encounters. Attack the giants and they would have been friendly. Be friendly to the giants and they would have attacked.

Ghosts attacking from inside a wall where they cannot be attacked, not even with a ready action.

Held save or die spells outside of combat.

An EL 28 fight at level 15. Took almost 5 hours to finish.

An unkillable balor.

Blatant and outright favoritism towards one character.

Home-brew golems with AC 58 and something like 800 hp.

Beholders using all 9 eye rays and the anti-magic cone at the same time.

Changing the end of the campaign because he was bored so that we ended up fighting level 3-5 fighters instead of the actual monsters.

Adding roughly 650 level 1 zombies to an empty cavern to deplete our resources.

And the worst: when he rebuilt the BBEG to nullify the abilities of the party and then took broke his own campaign rules by taking a banned feat. I'm aware that the DM can do whatever he wants, but there's a certain level of trust you should maintain with your DM. When he says only use book set x, there is an expectation that everyone is following the rules. To have him cheat was basically like slapping us in the face.

>>4969286
Fuckin hell man.
The only thing i can remember right now is one of my DMs had this habit of making BBEGs have a weakness that made no sense and we had no way of knowing or finding out.
One time we were fight a death demon thingie he stated up and the only thing that would kill it was cherries.
Fucking cherries.
They weren't even magic just plain old cherries.

>>4968311
Just lazy. I know I shared that lovely story earlier and did not feel like including more of the gruesome details.

>>4969424

I think some sort of cherry was used to cure the Imp status from characters in Final Fantasy...VI, I believe.

I mean, that's kind of a long stretch but...it MIGHT be what he was going for...

>>4969511
Nope when we asked him after the game why the hell it was weak to cherries he told us because he fucking hates them.
Now that he gives us clues to the fucked up weaknesses of thing he's an awesome DM.

>>4969424

Was the BBEG named Jean-Batiste Emmanuel Zorg?

>>4969583
Not that i can remember.

>>4969583
Well fuck I lol'd

Wish I could play a game and use a ZF-1

This is ongoing, every fucking weekend I have to deal with this sad motherfucker.
Our first game, he cries for 20 minutes out of character that the rogue lifted a bag of gold off an enemy he could not see. Game resumes, I walk back to the party, 20 more minutes of bitching in character that he wants his gold back.
Spends rest of the game telling us how much he knows about D&D. Can't figure out Quarry.

Second game. He's still upset that I tried to steal gold. I make it a point to not steal anymore to shut his ass up. Talks about how excellent of a player he is. Still doesn't understand Quarry, can't makes heads or tales of Prime Shot. For some reason he can't figure out why enemies are attacking him when he makes ranged attack at close range.

Third game. Party is discussing the most recent puzzle we've completed and makes plans for a trip across a mountain range and to a desert in the south. He's mumbling something to our confused DM. He shushes us to dramatically announce that he's booked us passage on a ship headed north. "Why?" we ask.... "We're heading south."
Blank look on his face.
DM: "We'll gladly wait here in port until your return. No refunds."
Still can't figure out Quarry.

Fourth game: I bring in a couple new players. They are introduced as guides to help us through the mountains. After they guide us, they offer to join up. He wants to attack them, because he doesn't know or trust the characters. We talk him down.
Later, combat. One of them loots a corpse after killing it. Oh lord.
Him "I nock an arrow and take aim at the Dwarf."
Everyone "huh?"
DM "Excuse me?"
Him "The dwarf is stealing gold, I attack him."
DM "Really? I mean... enemies... all around you."
Him "I attack the dwarf."
DM "Ok. Let me resolve the 5 opportunity attacks you're provoking."
Still can't figure out Quarry.

I feel I have to play the internet white knight for some retarded reason. My girlfriend games with my group and so far everyone's experience has been shit. I have gamed with girls before and have had nothing to say about them either way, only problem was boring typically.
Then I met the worst DnD group ever, fucking EVER /tg/. The DM was going to use all his campaigns to write his best selling fantasy novel series. This may work out for him to if no one has ever read fantasy before, ever. So all his "plots" were: follow my favourite player J around and suck his cock or I kill you for "ruining" the "plot". To help him describe his clearly super original world he had his laptop open to Neverwinter Nights and just told us what was in a reprogrammed room. For some unknown reason I tried, I really did, to not hate everyone and instantly quit.
Then this girl started working with me and we hit it off, I found out she was a fantasy gamer and even though I am a regular DM kind of didn't want to deal with her. So I tossed her to the wolves and she even ended up dating that horrid DM. He was a shitty person as well as storyteller as it turned out. As a few months later everyone who wasn't dude who's dick needed sucking or he would throw an honest to god temper tantrum and leave the game contacted me. They only remembered me as "the guy who showed up to game drunk, got drunker and hated everyone." Yet I was still tops in their mind next to that DM. So I stole his group, including his girlfriend.

One player we've hd in a group who always ruin it is this fuck-off who keeps making things harder for us.
THe time isn't good for him
The place isn't good
he bitched when he couldn't be a Space Marine in DH
And when we play DnD he started looking at porn.
he makes dull,boring predicable characters always fighting for the "good side"
He's an unfocused sloppy player... sadly we agreed to let him in are Star Wars RP and he wants to be a "Jedi"
Yeah its one dude
Details on request

>>4969682

After breaking them of all their horrible gaming practice and showing them a world of possibilities, or just how to have fun and not suck one asshole's cock, they fit in great. So this girl starts staying over more and more, for longer and longer. Now at the time I was getting over someone but I understand when a girl is into me so I wasn't ignoring her intentions so much as doing what I had to. Eventually everything is hitting critical. Their original DM and the girl's boyfriend is pissed ass all hell at me. No one hangs out with him, hell no one wants to hear his latest sob story or anything. Worst of all his girlfriend spends most of her nights on my couch. So he is understandably furious. Shit hits the fan and she moves out, friends tell him to fucking suck J's cock all by his lonesome and never talk to them again and I now have a new game group and girlfriend.

However I still haven't integrated her into my regular group that I have played with since high school. First session they fucking tear her to pieces, as the GM and her shiny new boyfriend I did the right thing. Laughed for days at her. It took months but eventually we broke her of the whole idea that because she has tits it somehow makes her special. Giving me head at night does not in anyway make you immune to the bullets I am going to hurl at you. Sorry love.
Amazingly I am still with her two years later and most importantly she is no longer a shit gamer. So /tg/ it is possible to have a girl gamer not be total shit. To free her from the constraints of modern media and culture. To have her contribute to original stories and have her very own original thoughts. But by god you have to break her first.

I have a question for everyone in this thread. Why do you let these people play with you? Even one on one RPing is better than one asshole dragging the fun down for everyone else.

>>4969700
For some reason, details please.

>>4969794
A lot of the time this shit happens when you invite a non-RPG friend to play and they turn fuckwit on you.

>>4969794
Most gamers, even some of the most competitive ones, are deathly afraid of confrontation. Sure it might be possible to pass off the continued presence of a particular shitbag at your gaming table as a convenience, a necessary evil to fill a party slot, but you know. Everyone at the table knows you're just not willing to look mean by standing your ground and saying "Look, this isn't going to work out. Please leave."

>>4969819
This is true
>>4969794
So basically we wanted to play Dark heresy. We are all in to the WH40K universe. I stopped playing the table top because the mechanics just didn't get me going. We all like the story anyway.So we start the game he shows up about an Hour late ( possibly more we lost track of time) Then has the audicty to play his character ( a Priest) bad, very badly. He dosen't listen to his fellow players who have filled him in. He acts big and bad. Then Went out side and had and hour or more conversation with his brother on his cell phone. In this processes he ask the another person to "takeover" for him. So we got his character drunk and left him for dead.
But yeah that is one example.

>>4965889

God that story reminds me of what happened to our DM last game; his girlfriend just got up and left since "she couldn't do anything" (hint: there was nothing to kill) & she out right stated that she was bored very loudly while the rest of us were trying to work on the non-combat parts of the story.

She does that a lot & I feel sorry for the guy because he really is a good DM, he just lacks confidence because she puts him down.

>>4969826

WOW. Actually I never thought of that. Everyone I know wouldn't bat an eyelash if I told someone they were being fucking useless and to leave. We don't even play at my place anymore either. It is a general rule to my group that we are here to have fun. Anything not accomplishing that has to go. It isn't that hard to be polite about it either, not that I am. "Hey. This isn't working, door's that way."

>>4969868
A GM can't be good and have a girlfriend. That just cuts into time that could be used developing stories and non bad encounters

>>4969868

Tell him to do the right thing and rape her. Take her out for a nice night on the town and then force himself onto her. It will remind both of them who wears the penis.

>>4969887

Shit. So true.

"Want to help me out by drawing their royal crests?"
"I could just suck you off while we watch porn."
"Hmmmmm? SOLD!"

Sunday 12:32pm
"So you guys come across this huge mansion and the royals inside totally make, ummmm, stuff. Also it turns out they are evil according to this line. And that was supposed to be revealed next session. Man, I am a good writer."

I'm pretty sure the worst experience I ever had in my gaming group was when i was at the block of orange in the middle of a game of 40k with my good friend Jon. A few turns into the game some guys that i later found out were plain clothed officers took him out of the store. and then a few minutes after that he disappeared completely


No one in the store knew what happend to him and for months we didn't see him. Then we found an article that explained that he was accused of strangling his girlfriend to death the night before his abduction from the store. He is currently sitting in jail waiting for his trial.

Pic related

>>4969902
Wow.

>>4969901
>"I could just suck you off while we watch porn."
I wish my girlfriend would offer to do this while I was busy working on my Dark Heresy campaigns.

In my experience there are two player aspects of players. Both have a shit and god tier if even one aspect of the player is in the shit tier then normally the player is annoying as hell. If both aspects are in the shit tier then that player is "That guy."
(These examples are only the extremes)

Creative Aspect:
shit tier: almost everything about there character is a cliche you can tell who these players are if there name or character type blatently refrences something. Will often brag about how edgy there character is but when it comes to actualy role-playing they got nothing.

god tier: will write pages of well writen. well thought out backstory and give them to the DM. His character has motive outside of those of the party and brings life into his character and in turn the party.

Logical Aspect:
shit tier: The player plays the game like an RTS instead of a role-playing game. Focusing on organizing the party around his strategies and what he want's the players to do and bugging the crap out of the other players. He often meta games during the sesion and is convinced he has every situation thought out. Also worships the rules as if they were the bible

god tier: The player is calculative and will often find solutions that are not apparent to the other player. Like instead of killing the guards and busting through the gate luring them away and sneaking in. They will rarely meta game and instead of organizing players around his characters strategy will organize his own character around the events that are unfolding in game.

I normally find this to be the case and these are both the extremes there is a middle ground.

>>4969999
>god tier: will write pages of well writen. well thought out backstory and give them to the DM.
I HAVE A GIFT FOR YOU, AND THOSE LIKE YOU.
IT IS A PUNCH IN THE DICK.
One page is sufficient. MORE than sufficient in some cases; take a D&D game. Backstory is not something you have at level one. It's something you look back on at level nine.

>>4969953

yeah wow, here is a pic of him in the court house

>>4970024
Admitadly Backstory does get tiresome
I will except 2 pages maximum (and thats often because I start the players above lv 1 I like to throw some big enemies at them early)
However I had a player give me a 7 page biography on his character and I must admit I could see he why he was a english major with an emphisis in creative writing. With the number of refrences he made I didn't even need to write any backstory for my campaigns.

>>4970024
more or less that.

You can have a well thought out, fairly complicated character with his own past and vices and virtues, and not write a fucking book about it. My favourite character which worked so well, that he survived all and lived a happy life after the campaign [that's low level CP2020 - a happy ending is considered being gutted for organs after you've been killed, not before] and both the GM and the players still remember him, and like him a lot.

So, I would have to say that the worst gaming experience I ever had in my life would be the D&D 4.0 game I played in.
So, there was me, the only experienced role-player in the group. I was playing what was, quite possibly, my favorite character ever to RP, a dragonborn warlock who believed himself the draconic god of death. He wore a cloak, had a big ass scythe, and could sling damage and hit things like no one's business.

So, besides me, there was the guy who was a huge burnout, that wanted to tank with a cleric speced to just sit there and range with that thing that gives temp HP. (No, I don't like 4.0. I don't care what it's called)
There was his best friend, who was quite slow and shit. (I think of him as the idiot savant of power gaming.)

About a year ago, I was playing in a game of Mage: The Awakening. The GM was pretty cool, and one of the other players was fine. Then there was the loud, obnoxious, weeaboo, and the loud obnoxious rules-lawyering Russian. Who both hated each other. They were constantly squabbling.

GM: ... then, the ground opens up around yo-
Russian: Actually, how can he do that, he has not got that pow-
Metal-fag: NO, HE CAN DO WHATEVER HE WANTS HES THE GM.
[INSERT ARGUEMENT HERE]

Eventually I drowned them both by sinking the submarine they were in. The Russian got butthurt and left, and the weeaboo stayed and wasn't too bad.

>>4970223
>>4970210

So far I'm pretty convinced you're the guy we have all been talking about.

There was the anime freak who loved bondage fairies, who got a rogue 2 levels higher than us, and much better stuff. He couldn't do his job, and sat there, telling us how good he or his character or his gear was.

>>4969967

Worst part is that she is one of my players and I think she does this only for sessions she can't make. That way they suck and she doesn't miss much. Turns out she has been learning to be a manipulative asshole like the rest of us.

Then there was the tweaker wanabe (He acted like a fucking tweaker, constantly. Even while stoned) He also couldn't roleplay.
Now, these are the people I still consider friends.
(Good friends, some of them. I just wish I had a chance to teach them to roleplay)
There were also the bad ones.

The first one we will call Bob.
He was the older brother of the group, but was the younger one's lackey.
He played the only other well built character, a Paladin.
25 AC, just like a good paly.
But he was fucking brain dead, and couldn't make decisions.
Couldn't RP at all, just played himself.
But he paled in comparison to his brother.
We will call him Tomato.
He always wanted to kill my character off in game, in every RP we were in together.
I was usually the leader, for good reason.
Well let me just explain to you how bad he is.

In this 3.5 campaign we were in, in the same group (With better members, I will add) he played this druid. He had no backstory, no character progression was used, he just wanted to throw dice and kill shit. I was playing a wizard, kinda generic (CN wiz looking for fame), but wtf ever, I was just helping the GM out. So, we were attacked by a werewolf. We kill it, and it's this little boy, who is able to NOT DIE long enough to try and tell us that he was from a small town down the river, and they were all cursed. So, I decide to go investigate. We go down the river, and finally make camp. The paladin (also played by Bob) demands we take the body back, (The one paladin thing I have ever seen him do.) decides to conk out, and not take first watch. So, I sit there, watching the river and doing research in my spellbook or wtf ever. Tomato's character orders his wolf companion to eat the kids dead body, with me sitting right there.

>>4970210
>>4970223
>>4970243
>>4970254
>>4970285
>>4970350

HOW MANY FUCKING POSTS DO YOU NEED TO TELL YOUR SHITTY STORY?

I tell him to wash his dog off in the river, as it's covered in blood. I tell him he is stupid, and that the paladin would fuck him up in the morning if he didn't. Now, it was a BIG river, raging and all that. He tells his wolf to jump into the river. Just jump right in. His wolf fails the shit out of it's swim roll, of course, and goes off down the river. Tomato just says 'fuck it'
and falls asleep. We get to the village, chill there, ask around and shit. We decide to wait for night. He tells us that he is going to go into the forest and pray for a new pet. The forest outside the village infested with werewolves.

>>4969676

Quarry? Why have I never heard of this before now?

>>4970385
Its kind of a mesmerizingly fucked up story, I have to admit.

Be careful of backstories in general. Players like to use them to give themselves all kinds of plot powers they don't deserve or derail the plot into their own making.

In my game the players have a caveat: "Backstory? Your backstory is that you got tired of living the dull fucking peasant life and started adventuring. If you were anyone important enough to have a backstory I would have made you an NPC."

>>4970461
I can't even be bothered to read it because it's scattered all over the fucking place.

I feel like I'm listening to a long rambling tale as told by Grandpa Simpson in between bouts of him falling asleep.

>>4970475
Fuck, that's how I'm DMing next session.

>>4970455
Hunter's Quarry: Minor action, designate nearest enemy you see as quarry; deal extra damage to quarry once per round.

It's the nearest enemy thing he still, 7 weeks in, can't understand.

>>4970493
Set the campaign in Nineteen-dickety-two and their mission is to rescue the word twenty from the Kaiser, who has stolen it.

>>4970385
ten billion.

>>4970651
Well then you better get to it.

I'm rather enjoying this thread. Keep it up folks!

For me, one of the worst possible sessions was due to a GM who just didn't seem to want to loose. Now, i've had games where some terrible shit happens and we are all going "what the fuck", often at one of the other players (who probably started the whole thing anyway) but we generally are able to laugh at it.

However, sometimes our GM just doesn't like the fact that the players are perhaps some what good at what we do. In every adventure for no matter what the game, if we are running it from a set book or adventure guide, every encounter is much much harder than what is printed. He seems to think that even though he makes sure to keep us fairly low powered in every game, that just by being dint of being players that we are over powered. Hence encounters of all sorts are a dick.

Every NPC is an arrogant dick who always acts as if they have the upper hand, no matter situation they are in. Every enemy seems to have meta gamed knowledge of our weaknesses and tactic, and occasionally some are rules breaking.

For example, in a DH game we played out of the book, there is a bit where a tech heretic ambushes the party while they are sleeping in a nobles house (after saving the noble in a previous session). In the middle of the night this fucker bursts into our room, makes two full auto sprays at us while we slept (murdering our psyker, who had the bad fortune of being on the bottom bunk) and then legs it after dumping a grenade after him.

>>4970771
continued:

Not so bad I suppose, but there was written in the adventure that his character must survive until a certain point in the story later down the line, and thus where the problem ensued. Later reading the adventure, the only noble and mansion thing was just made up (fair enough), but when we got ourselves up and ready to fight (unarmoured for times shake) knocked 60 wounds into the guy, all the time while he was running at the same speed as a jet bike and full autoing behind him as he moved. All because he was highly "augmented by tech heresy"

fucker just doesn't like to loose or admit that sometimes the PC's deserve a break.

>>4970771
>>4970776

I hate GM's like this, the sort who always loose interes in WoD games once a player uses any power he has gained to beat a foe the GM envisioned as a tough fight.

You don't the half of it! He gets really upset if someone trys to run a game. He really like GMing and I mean way too much.

and sometimes he is good, he just wants us to know that we are shit and will always be shit to him no matter what we do.

One time when i was hosting a game, one of the gamers just shit all over the toilet of the restroom. Then didn't clean it up, or even say anything.Wouldn't admit to anything.
I don't mean just In, I mean ON said toilet.

>>4970825
thats fucking nasty dude.

MOAR STORIES!!

>>4969999
>Creative Aspect
>god tier: pages of backstory, etc.

I beg to disagree, having played with several people who can easily manage to write long, detailed backstories for their characters, and still completely fail to portray those characters in-game.

On the other hand, we have had exactly one player who actually manages to remember all those little backstory details, and his characters come across as all the more believable for that. But that's one success out of so many more failures.

The GM once farted and when a player called him on it he received a penalty.

So, back to my long grampa simpson story...
So, Seeing that he is fucking retarded, I had my owl familiar watch him. He sits in the forest alone meditating while the rest of the party fights our way from the in, to the sheriff's house, then to the small church of Pelor. We barricade the windows and doord, and try and heal up with what little there is in the church. He then is attacked by 2 werewolves. He fights them off, barely. Wounded even after heals, he decided to sit down again, restarting the uninterrupted 24 hours you need to get a companion. Another wolf comes by, and kills him after a short chase. My familiar tells me all of this, and I tell the party. In the morning, we go to recover the body. I make a heartfelt speech to the party to let me bury the body, and they all agree. I tell Tomato to give me his character sheet, so I can look over it, and take all his good stuff (I'm CN, and disliked his character in game, what did you expect?) He refuses. I plead the case to the GM, and to stop a fight, he declares that we take the body to a city, sell off all his stuff, and revive him. He proceeds to roll up a new character, and comes back the next week with a NE Sorceress, who we refuse to let join the party, because she was a police officer.

>>4970519

Well, if I ever get into Spirit of the Century, that's exactly the game I'm going to play.

OH MY GOD YOU PEOPLE ARE SUCH ELITIST NERDS

We have a shit-tier player in our group who responds to being interrupted by pegging people with dice, or "Make a strength check, make a strength check, make a strength check" to apparently grapple people away from shit he deems "unecessary."

Fucking do not know why he isn't gone yet.

>>4967626
Same player:

We beat the snot out of some halfling guard entering some random building on a side quest. Our friendly bugbear takes the corpse, rips it in half, and runs his hand up the inside to make a meat puppet. Keep in mind the guys face had been bashed into a wall. My character named this new addition to our party "jacob"

So we stealth up to the door, and crack it open, to notice another guard who has not noticed us. So the bugbear slips Jacob through the crack in the door. The bard follows this up with some ventriloque and a ridiculous bluff check, making jacob shout "I NEED MEDICAL ATTENTION" in some gurgling half-dead voice.

I thought I'd die laughing.

There's a DM at my local game store. To date, he has:

Started and made characters for about 12 games.
.. Played four of them for one session.
.. Played two for more than one.
.. Played those two for about four weeks.

He only runs bi-weekly games, and constantly cancels on his players because:
- His players are "not serious enough" .. he has actually cancelled entire games because the players laughed too much during character generation
- His PCs aren't giving him a good story .. who the fuck does he think is in charge of the story is my question. Whenever he's a PC, he acts like a twelve year old, so I don't know how he can expect the PCs to weave an intricate tale of betrayal when he can only roleplay retarded.
-To LARP.
-For no reason.

On top of this, he invites shitty players to his games, like the guy who once re-rolled his stats seventeen times to try to get more than one 20+ stat in a RIFTS game (and then when he got called on it by another player, got pissed at them and told them "it isn't my fault you can't roll for shit") , or the guy who names his fire mage Bur'Nall and gets pissed off at players (not like, roleplaying-- actually real life seething mad at people) when they don't follow his petty commands.. like the time he ordered the one-armed doctor to dig a van out of 12 feet of snow after a blizzard, for no reason. Both of these players frequently end this guy's campaigns, either by getting in shouting matches with him or acting retarded, but he will not stop inviting them.

I feel bad for everyone who "plays" in his games.

>>4971441

Best thing I've read all day.

>>4971441
Ahahaha, fucking perfect.

My roleplaying club decided to mix things up a little by having a one-shot night; everybody - that's half a dozen tables with as many as ten people, for the record - had to pick a random colour, and that colour decided who would go to which DM. The DM would run a one-shot campaign, his choice of setting and system.

So, the big night arrives, and the guy who was supposed to run the one-shot I was attached to HASN'T DECIDED ON A SYSTEM, SO HE LEAVES US - THE PLAYERS - TO DECIDE ON THE SYSTEM.

Sorry for the caplocks there, but you can see my point. It's not like he didn't have enough time - this thing was in the pipeline for about month.

>>4968074
Ah I remember you from another thread.

>>4971441
This post made me smile.

>>4972134
Whilst our alleged DM popped out to take a smoke, we discussed whether we should play a pulp game, a horror game or some Dark Heresy. We couldn't decide either, so in the end I rolled a d6; 1-2, pulp, 3-4, DH, 5-6, horror. It came up a 2, so Spirit of the Century it was.

Now, I'd never played Spirit of the Century before but I'd heard good things about it. I mean, when the rulebook has a gorilla flying a Fokker, it has to have something going for it.

It started off okay, with all our characters at a mansion in the Louisiana bayou for a will-reading and everybody roleplaying quite well. Then, ZOMBIES!!!

Believe me, as absurd as it may seem, this was not fun in the slightest. All we did was run from them and try to figure out who killed the former owner of the mansion so he would stop killing off the NPCs. The only combat was my character (I decided on a sharpshooter) blowing the knees off some zombies... who then started crawling towards me and my shooting an NPC who turned out to be a werewolf (yeah, that was properly foreshadowed) and missing at point-blank range.

About two and a half hours of this, and it only stopped when we found some magic time-stopping clock, pulled some crap (including me missing the werewolf at point-blank) and solved the murder mystery by the DM GIVING US ALL A HINT.

It was even worse when I found out that pretty much everyone else - including some of the people in my game - had actually had a fun evening.

>>4972361
Oh, and do you know why we had to "fight" zombies in a pulp setting?

Because it turns out the DM for that campaign has a fanboner for the walking dead.

If your country is larger than the estimated size of the universe by over a hundred thousand degrees, you can safely assume that you are doing it wrong, and should not get bitchy when people mention that hey, you kind of suck.

>>4967679
Hey fuck you, if I say the dragon lived, the dragon fucking lived, I don't care weather his head is on or off!

>>4972134

This sounds like something really interesting to try actually, although personally I'd have the organizers vet each GM to make sure they're up to standard, have a campaign planned etc.

>>4972416
Tell me...

My DM's a super-nice guy, but he's also a pushover. His girlfriend (my roommate) plays with us. She's actually a good roleplayer, but she's a total drama queen. Slightly less than half our sessions have been paused by her taking offense to something he did or said and then NEVER LETTING IT DROP. Her character also seems to be the most important, plot-wise, out of any of us. HUH, I WONDER WHY. It's annoying, and it's not fair to the guys who play with us and have to travel two hours to get to us to have the session interrupted by her drama.

>>4972361
So everyone but you had fun.
Do you see the problem there.
No
Yup you got a terminal cause of fagmonsterism there buddy.

>>4969999
>His character has motive outside of those of the party

Wrong. What if the party is a highly-dedicated magical order, and the character is dedicated to that same cause? Technically he might not have any motivations outside of those of the rest of the party, but that doesn't make the player any less creative. And this whole thing about having several pages of backstory? Really? Did your mother drink mercury when she was pregnant?

Every campaign is ruined by the anti authority guy. We walk into town BAM he insults all the guards, break into houses and justifies himself with all of this.

Additionally when it comes to taking damage from situational events, he doesn't act like he's gotten hurt. He runs through a corridor of traps, almost dies, he just shrugs it off. His character gets dismembered from a bomb, shrugs it off, despite legs completely missing. Kinda want to run a WFRP game and watch how his character dies in 2 rounds.

>>4969967
>I wish my girlfriend would offer to do this while I was busy working on my Dark Heresy campaigns.
Usually it's:
Us- Will you suck me off while we watch porn?
GF- I thought you were going to work on your Dark Heretic gamey stuff tonight.
Us- Heresy, not Heretic.

>>4969967
I just wish I had a girlfriend. ;_;

>>4974351
We all do. We all do.

>>4974375

Speaking as a guy who's as soft as pig muck and has done the gf thing twice now, it's not worth it in the long run. The amount of hassle you get trying to do anything (bearing in mind that these were both geeky girls as well) is too much for the discerning apathetic geek who just wants to kick back, relax and do his own thing.

Damnit, if I aren't as ronery as hell afterwards though...

>>4974414
I get what you're saying, but I disagree. A decent girlfriend has the maturity to understand that people need time apart as well as time together, and would be willing to find that balance. I've seen it happen.

>>4974351
>>4974375
If given the choice between being the little girl in a good family (which wouldn't remove your memories and thus would make you appear a child genius) or having a devoted girlfriend, which would you choose, /tg/?

>>4974505
I don't want to lose my penis. He and I have done a lot of bonding over the years. I think I'd pick having a girlfriend.

>>4974467
While im sure that your opinion is correct and perfectly valid, it dosn't stop all the ladies in my area being chavs, lesbians or psychopaths.

Speaking of which, let's get back on topic. I was running a game for gf 1, her best friend and a good friend of mine. By the heavens, if it wasn't annoying. If one of the other got a magic item, I wouldnt hear the end of it unless she got something too. Or if she used all of her wild shapes for the day and wanted another. Or wasn't allowed to respend her skills to put enough in diplomacy to pass the gatekeeper, only to want to swap it back afterwards.

Basically, made the game almost unplayable, considering I was a new GM at the time.. Had to crack out the rust monsters just to keep things sane in the end. God, I was bad at that crud back then ><

Still, a learning experience was had by all.

>>4967852
Okay, you should have asked them how they made the bomb, how they planned to plant it, made them roll for infiltrating the police station and planting the bomb, used their result for making the bomb to determine how successful it was, checked to see what role chance had to play in the number of survivors, etc.

Then fucked them up the ass when the cops figure out who the only people in town to buy all the shit you need for a bomb were and then arrest their characters. Hell, some should have been arrested as they were trying to plant the bomb. If they get away they're labeled as terrorists, their faces are all over the evening news from coast to coast, and they can't set foot inside of a town without attracting attention. If they want to act like fucking retards, make the consequences fit.

>>4969887

I'd be inclined to disagree, sir. My DM is excellent. A total wuss sometimes, but excellent. His girlfriend is only annoying *some* of the time.

>>4971441
Two more stories from the same guy:

The nub:
Our bugbear doesn't have a hand, he has what is mostly a nub. Acid dissolved lump of what used to be a hand with just one finger. He has, and I swear, at almost every possible moment, attempted to "fist pound" with said nub as often as possible.

Jacob 2:
Well jacob our meat puppet wasn't enough. So we kill a gnoll, and he procedes to claim the corpse for himself, holding him as a "hostage." This isn't a horrible idea given our bard's skill with ventriloquy, though I imagine its all over when he figures out a way to animate the head. He's now leading off each encounter with "Don't shoot guys! He'll kill me!" and dual wielding our first meat puppet for added humor I guess.

All this out of like 3 sessions. Waiting impatiently for our DM to get back. I'll be back with more stories then if he manages to top Jacob or the Cow Suit.

Aaand it is archived.

People complaining about not having girlfriends and all women being this or that ruins a thread for me. Thanks, /tg/. Do me a favor, don't complain about your personal failures with women. Good ones exist, and if you're having a problem with so many of them that it's led you to have a negative perception of all of them, the problem is likely in the mirror.

My worst experience was my very first one at roleplaying.

Never much for DnD, our gaming group was playing some other system called Children of the Sun, made by Misguided games now dead and scoured from existence. It was supposed to be a deisel punk thing with a high fantasy element, but although all the players read the book the GM never bothered.

On my first character the GM had me roll a D20. I got a natural twenty, which resulted in the "reward" of being able to see into alternative dimensions. The "drawback" was that I couldn't tell what dimension I was currently in, so I couldn't remember anything I did correctly because I never knew what dimension I had done it in. In the character's final days he placed a bet on a race, and he bet on a competitor that the GM's favorite NPC was also betting on. My character won, like, ten million dollars, but then he was bludgeoned to death by another NPC while he was sleeping.

After that I made a pacifist monk who the GM banned from participating in major plot points since pacifism didn't fit into the GMs perception of a "story-oriented" character. The same NPC eventually paid a taxi to drive my monk far away into the mountains somewhere. After that I designed a midget, because hey, fuck it, and he died in a tiger trap in the first thirty minutes. I also made a wolf man who was interred into an insane assylum. My final two characters were Lu Bu, from Dynasty Warriors, and a giant bear man who was awarded the sword of Mighty Satan after a very long stint of survival.

I got the sword of Satan because our GM still hadn't read the book and he didn't know that the sword of Zhen was the sword of He Who Unravels Time and Space for Fun. By mutual consent amongst the other players I was allowed to bring the weapon to bear against God Himself, basically, and I essentially put an end to space time.

>>4974505
Girlfriend.

>>4974505
Become the little girl. But can I do it when I turn 40 or 50 instead of now? I want to get like doubly life.

Also, I want to know what it is like to be fucked in the pussy.

>>4975528
That's probably too much to ask for.

The GM decided to switch over to 4e a few months ago, and yeah it was different but the group has been playing together long enough that we've got our shit together, john was happy he could play a tiefling rogue without digging through the source books Jane was happy she could play a mindflayer warlock without 8 fuckin supplements. the shit was cash and we were happy.

then GM's whiny emo cousin comes over to play one weekend....

>>4975865
This kid (he must have been 14) has played nothing but WoW and has no goddamn clue what to do, but he insists on playing a paladin, then tries to smite John and Jane even though they are part of the group HIRING him.

Campaign leads us into traditional underground dungeon, slavers, bbeg and the like. one memorable moment of dickery was when we had finished mopping up the Neogi slavers and found along with the missing children what appeared to be a 6 year old ceremorphosed illithid (probably for jane or something) severly cute, who wraps small tentacles around the warriors large gaunt'd hand. most of the group want to keep her but the paladin is set on "smiting the disgusting monster lolispawn" the paladins tirade gets so loud it alerts umber hulk guards and the group almost dies since the ass keeps trying to kill the kid instead of the umbers

when we finally get to The bbeg (a corrupted deva who was siphoning the childrens spirit) he fails detect evil and sides with "the most holy of beings instead of a befouled troup of heathens"

jane finally has enough of his shit and uses first attack to stun and then eat what little brain he has in his plated skull. at that point emodin shoves his sheet away in disgust while the rest of us kill the deva with relative ease.

we found out after that he wasn't totally Rp'ing and was one of those that always plays a paladin AND goes to jesus camp every summer freaks


the small illithid got to eat the deva though.

>>4976096
Awww, I want a baby ilithid

>4976096
I wish to have a drawfag sketch a lolithid

Long ago a fucktard named Loomis joined a game I was starting. He rolled up impossibly high stats and outrageous random powers, I think he made a few good rolls that people observed and lied about the rest. Everyone was building characters in a new system, I let it slide, and moved on. The group was asked to do a hostage rescue and was paid in advance with a single special weapon. He stood in the middle of the room and made it clear to the other players he would physically assault anyone who denied him the item. We put up with him for a short time mainly because he brought along a guy that we liked (who had no car) who was a great roleplayer.
5 years later, I meet a new group and I build a superhero and tentatively named him 'Luminus'. It was close enough to his name it bothered me. The second time I played the character I told the GM that I didn't like the name and had changed it. He said ; "Good, because it reminded all of us of a fucktard we used to have to put up with."
He always spoke 'DnDeese' everything was a "Pencil of Writing", etc. I could go on but I won"t.

His threats were done done in character, so he started out sounding pathetic and escalated to psychotic.

On another subject, I have had good gaming experiences with girls, one of the first girl gamers I met was such a fun person and good rper that I married her.
She never caused 'DM's girlfriend' problems.
Most of the others were fine.

>>4976265

Drew quickly. Forgive the shitty hand.

We had one guy a couple years ago that came into our group through one of the players. He was alright as a new guy but insisted on DM'ing the next campaign. No one else had any plans for the next campaign, so we let him do it. Once his campaign starts though...

Now this has to be mentioned first. He was one of those 'I didn't go to school or college but I'm massively smart because I say so and have read EVERYTHING take my word on it' kind of people. Annoying, but we put up with it. Our first battle we fight kobolds. No big, sounds like a nice level 1 fight. Normally our group size is 5 players and a DM, but this time we had a guest, so it was 6 players. The DM decided to balance this fight out by adding 5 more kobolds. So it was 6 players vs 12 kobolds, who also included a wyrm priest and a kobold assassin. We're level 1 and getting our butts whooped. That was our first complaint, being vastly outnumbered. It wasn't until the 10th round that I noticed something.

>>4976551
D'aaaaaaaaawwwwwwwww x3

More adorable and innocent lolithillids please!

BJs instead of GM work dude popping into thread. Today's BJ was great. No work was accomplished. That is all thank you.

Alright maybe a little more. While I admit most girl rpers are shit they tend to fall into the "salvageable" category fairly often. That 40 year old guy who wants to describe his Drow ranger in detail, he's a fucking lost cause. Some 18 year old girl who just started gaming has every chance of being taught fucking better. So instead of bitching, toss them a bone (figuratively in this case) and give them a hand. Then you may be getting BJs AND a great new gamer friend out of it.

>>4976648

My character ended up in a ranged battle with the wyrm priest. He throws acid ball at me, I shoot it with an arrow. Around the 10th round I notice that he's only rolling 1 dice, and that's for damage. For the past couple rounds he's been doing damage to me and not even bothering to roll to hit. I call him out and everyone gets pissed, and then he claims that the autohits are part of his house rules. We finished the battle then left.

>>4976648
What an idiot. Everyone knows when you cheat as you DM you roll the dice and just say any misses were hits. That guy has a shitload still to learn.

well i have just recently got into DnD and one of the first campaigns i have ever been in (and is still going years later), we have two people who are just the worst people to play with, one has never played DnD before that campaign and tries to make generic space marine from starcraft + heavy metal in every roleplaying game ever, he constantly tries to goes against the group and makes sure that all NPC's know that his actions are not affiliated with the groups, but he still follows us around and contributes to the campaign plot. After realizing that his build wasnt necessarily a good one (he made a really shitty Archery based Fighter) all he does is sit and complain. It looks like our DM has finally had enough of his shit though.

The other guy is classic MinMaxer and constantly metagames, and you constantly find yourself in moments like "o by the way i have this spell that creates a floating set of dragons teeth that can attack a target for 1 d10, and i can make 10 of them at once", not only that if you do anything he doesnt like he sees to it to attack your character with some crazy spell he happens to have that works perfectly against your build until you agree with him and he gets his way

the shit is infuriating, not only that they both constantly side track the sessions with sidetalk and meme references, which is fine sometimes but after 2 hours of play and all weve done is 2 attacks in a combat its really fucking annoying

Worst game I had was a Dark Heresy game where this player Jake, used an Assassin and thought it was funny as fuck to slam into his allies during every round of combat in order to 'Protect Us". Each hit did a ton of damage since his character was in armor covered in blades. At one point, he acquires a demon knife and it taints his character for like three hours as we go on through the vault, fighting to survive. He has NO IDEA what taint is in that game.... At one point, the Tech Priest of our group needed both of the assassins hands to help him move a crate. The jackass precedes to stab the Tech Priest in the shoulder augmentic in order to secure the blade and we all just go "-_-". He says "Well fuck this shit, you guys lift it." His character then proceeds to walk back the way we came, and throws a krak grenade over his shoulder. Or so he thinks. Our GM, thoroughly annoyed by 5 hours of this shit, goes "Sanity Check". Jake yells why, and GM replies "Because the damned knife tainted you and you're tripping on Spook drugs. You might throw the pin instead." And the thing is, the Gm wasn't being a dick, we'd been playing like this all night, because: Fuck, the warp fucks with people: So, the dickhead fails his sanity check, throws the pin at us, and swallows the grenade. His ass explodes and he rages like no other at this, and we take his remaining gear. When he asked why his character failed, the GM responded with "Chaos Psyker Puppet Master in the next room, he automatically senses warp taint nearby." Jake got so pissed, walked outside, and punched a wall, proceeding to break three knuckles.
He hasn't been playing since...

>>4978454
Needless to say, that Puppet Master made one of our friendly NPC's blow his own head off and almost made our Techpriest rip himself in half. My Arbite character managed to light the motherfucker on fire with Inferno Shotgun round and smashed his face into bits with his own helmet.

>>4971441
oh shit I lol'd

I don't know why you're posting him in this thread, that guy is God tier.

op needs to deliver