Sorry for not being here for a while. Two weeks ago getting sick and work got in the way of posting, and this last week 4chan exploded. BUT I AM BACK, I DID NOT FORGET YOU PEOPLE.

---------

Beardbeard wakes up.

>Current Quest(s): Heal Driblis and other, lesser party members.

Fixed.

Hmmm? It seems someone is trying to PRAY to you.

Do you accept?

Fuck.Yes.

Look around, see where the hell we are.

>>5138195
Accept.
"Fuck off, I was sleeping."

>>5138195
Sure, why not?

>>5138195

"May I Be With You. What is your inquiry?"

Beep. Connection established.

>>5138195
Yes, we have nothing better to do.

>>5138195

prayer accepted.

YOU MAY PINCH MY BEARDNIPPLES AND HUG MY BEARDDICK.

Also previous post was animated.

"Hello Beardbeard! So glad you could finally wake up. I have some important news for you!"

>>5138248
Grunt.

>>5138248
"Of course. Initiate plan."

"Xom has decided to appoint you his champion! Of course, you can always decline the offer, if you like. That is entirely up to you."

>>5138263
YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF XOM YESSSSSSSSS

>>5138263
"I can live with that."

>>5138263
On the one hand, being a champion of Xom could have DIRE CONSEQUENCES.

On the other hand, FUCK YEAH XOM LET'S DO IT

Beardbeard is far too chaotic to not accept

>>5138263
"And what does that mean, exactly?"

Also, ask how Satan is doing.

>>5138263
"What does that entail?"

>>5138263
Hell yes Champion

ACCEPT

>>5138263

Thanks but no thanks. I'm my own dwarf.

Ask if there was ever a former champion of Xom too. I wonder why Xom never demoned on us like Crawl Xom does.

>>5138285
Do you really think Xom would bind Beardbeard down? He's like...the incarnation of the exact opposite.

>>5138263
"Wha? Heh. I bet askin' for more details would disqualify me."

>>5138263
Ask him if we get Dental.

I say we do it, we're already devoted to Xom

I say we ask what that actually means before we start agreeing to anything. I mean, it might seriously infringe upon our quest for godhood.

>>5138310

"I say we do it, we're already devoted to Xom"

Which has gotten us nothing but mutated and tormented. We're trying to attain our own godhood, we don't need to run errands for a "Lol randum waffles" dingbat.

>>5138299
>"Wha? Heh. I bet askin' for more details would disqualify me."

"Maybe if Xom were offering it directly, but there is a reason I do the godly dealings around here. I make a good middleman. Anyway, the position comes with a variety of pros and cons."

"The benefits include more control over your mutations, much like the control granted a priest of Xom, and more frequent 'blessings' from Xom... if you can call those blessings."

"The downsides include having to follow his every command. You are his champion, his voice in this world, and he'll expect a certain amount of bang for his buck, if you would."

>>5138292
>Was there a previous champion of Xom?
"Why yes, yes there was! He just died recently. Horrible affair. Don't need to go into the details, really, but the end result is that he needs a new champion."

>>5138323
That's a pretty dumb quest anyway. Plus Xom's the strongest god.

>>5138328
We never got tormented. Also, what about the rocks, ale, and axes he gave us? We just never ask for anything.

>>5138335
"Can we steal Heracles's divinity?"

>>5138335
"How often does he give orders?
>>5138341
No, he's the second strongest.

>>5138355
For the love of god, DO NOT say this.
You think you can trust Fate with knowledge of your actions?

>>5138335
I think we should really find out what happened to the champion before us. Feel out what we're getting into, you know.

Yeah, I'm getting a really bad feeling about this.

>>5138361
He already knows. He knows everything.

>>5138335
Pass. Xom's a crazy idiot, and he'll end up being more trouble than he's worth.

But don't tell him we said that.

>>5138361
He's Fate. I'd be surprised if he didn't already know about it. But fine. Let's rephrase then:

"Can we still become a god part time?"

decline decline decline, negative negative no no no,

Beardbeard is the champion and voice of alcohol alone

>>5138361
I thought he already had knowledge of all our actions.

I think we need to think this out a bit more. More to the point: What do you guys think Xom will do if he finds out we rejected him?

He nearly destroyed the world because Aldwin told him 'no.'

Anyway, this champion deal sounds a little too much like permanent lackeyhood. Turn it down.

>>5138385
I second this, pissing off Xom is a horrible idea.

>>5138335
More control of our shitty mutations sounds good.

>>5138335
Well, I think control over our mutations will certainly boost our capacity in battle, and I can't imagine Xom being terribly demanding. So I say accept.

NEED MORE INFORMATION BEFORE ANY DECISION CAN BE MADE.

Riiight. Who wants to have beardbeard directly linked to a god who can control him if he decides that BB isn't being chaotic enough?

>>5138407
>I can't imagine Xom being terribly demanding
Your imagination is in need of serious revamping, then. Think of constant demands with no accounting for ease of completion, relevance to reality, or any sort of logic. Being Xom's champion could easily become a rather nasty sort of hell.

NO

>>5138422
Beardbeard killed the sun because he didn't like its face, dooming the planet to destruction via heat loss.

I don't think he'll ever not be chaotic enough.

Decline. We have godhood to attain for ourselves Xom-damnit

Amusing Xom with our antics is one thing, being his personal bitch is another. No dice.

FUCK NO! We are BeardBeard, are we not? Do we take shit from people? FUCK NO! We aint gonna sit by and let some pansy ass primordial force tell us what to do. We'll get the powers of a champion of Xom when we fucking BEAT THEM OUT OF HIS FUCKING CORPSE!

>>5138355
"You can be Xom's Champion and still steal someone else's Divinity. In fact, Heracles is Pelor's Champion."

>>5138358
"That depends. In practice, I've noticed he'll ignore you for a while before giving out a couple of back to back commands, then go back to ignoring you. How long between commands can vary from hours to years."

"Oh! And I forgot to mention. Followers of Xom will see you glow with a divine aura. They'll know you for the Champion you are."

>>5138368
>What happened to the previous champion?
"Well... she had a problem with one of his orders, and wanted to back out. Xom was not pleased. However, if you back out right now, you will get Yog's protection from Xom's retribution. Once you're a Champion, though, you're on your own. Although a friendly tip: Taking someone else's divinity would save you from Xom's wrath."

Think this one over carefully, guys.

Is groping Krann an acceptable option?

>>5138467
Do it Beard-Beard. Steal some divinity like the fist of the north star!

>>5138466

This. Then warn fate that his days are numbered to.

>>5138467
Let's go for it.

>>5138467
Sounds good to me

Hit It! Let's do it

>>5138467
>protection from Xom's retribution

What the hell is protecting the rest of the world?

Either fate tells us everything he knows about what this means for beardbeard- and no screwing around- or we walk on that deal and do things our own chaotic way, and damn the consequences. Fuck, the world is already dead anyways.

No. We are our own deranged mutant dwarf, no one else's.

>>5138493
Fate and Xom are both ridiculously strong.

>>5138466

Fuck Xom, we'll make our own way. Let's go kill us a champion.

>>5138467
Do it. We need all the power we can get, and we can still steal other people's divinity.

Nope. I still say it's not worth it.

Are we honestly going to get some feeble non-dwarf's help with grabbing some divinity. I say nay. If we win just because we are Xom's champion than what does that say about us? It says we're the kinda feeble little elf that leens on his gods for help cause he's not a big enough man to get what he wants on his own. We must decline, dorfhood demands it!

>>5138527
There are no champions dumb ass, that's why he's asking us.

>>5138535
Perhaps you're forgetting that we borrowed Satan's arm for a while.

I'm still not entirely sure saying no won't cause the destruction of... god damn everything.

>>5138535
Every big fight we won using the breathe weapon Xom gave us.

Let's accept. We can back out later after we steal someone's divinity.

That's the only time we'd want to back out anyway.

>>5138497
>>5138498
>>5138493
>>5138521
>Yes, No, Yes, No
"I'll tell him you're thinking about it. I'll pray you back tomorrow; come up with an answer."

Fate closes the prayer window.

I say we do it, and to all those Nay sayers.

This is XOM we're talking about, and beardbeard is classified as a worshipper...you know what that means when Xom gets angry at us...DEMONS EVERYWHERE

It hasn't happened yet because beardbeard antics are entertaining...but our balls are tied here.

>>5138521
>>5138533
>>5138535
You guys do understand that we just lost our entire army and almost got killed by a pansy ass elf and his pansy ass bitch right? And that when we fought Musclebeard he kicked our asses hard. We aren't all powerful, we're not on the level of deities, and we certainly can't afford to turn down xom's power just because you don't like taking occasional orders.

>>5138553

That was neither asked for nor offered. Ask for no help, accept none offered. Take only that you claim for your own, and that given freely. That is the path to true pride.

>>5138570
Xom Damn it!

Anyway, lets grab the survivors, and head back to the cave, and recuperate our losses, absorbing Garrelf's army.

>>5138570
Grope Krann.

>>5138570
Alright. We'll discuss this matter later then. Let's go kill the shit out of Heracles.

>>5138575
This world's Xom doesn't use demons.

>>5138499
Us, most likely.

Let's do it. Besides, once we become the Champion of Chaos, we could legitimately claim to be capable of stealing any divinity we wanted. After all, if you're an embodiment of chaos, then by definition you encompass all possibilities.

And we can just mutate ourselves enough craftsdorfship skills to make Moonelf into Moongarrelf.

Guys, I think we need to evaluate our strengths here.

We have no army, we're incredibly wounded, and we lost our Spider momma.

I don't think we could take on the god of flowers and pacifism right now, let alone the god of STRENGTH AND KICKING ASS.

Grope Krann. If she's not toofreaked out, propose. You need someone to help you repopulate Buzzardloved after you purge it of its traitors.

Allright you buncha pansies! Enough clowning around! What is our status? Rally the troops! We set out for buzzardloved and Xom or no Xom we are going to TAKE buzzardloved. Do I make myself clear?

>>5138621
Heracles is a pussy. Let's go kick his dick in.

Yes. Why not take every ounce of power you can?

>>5138621
We still have that one spider. If we had god powers, we could put all kinds of dakka on it and maybe paint it red.

Where did Xom originally come from? Only had experience with Dungeon Crawl, but I've heard other people from other games mention him.

>>5138576
>we certainly can't afford to turn down xom's power
We most certainly CAN afford to turn down Xom's power. We are not being immediately threatened by anything, except possibly Xom himself. Precious few beings can stand against us and live. There will always be more opportunities to chase down power, as long as we're alive (and quite possibly afterward).

Also, let's go find that water snake from the first chapter. Once we get around to it, we can give it Poseidon's divinity as a thank you for starting us on our crazy quest.

>>5138647
He originally came from Dungeon Crawl.

FUCK

YES.

MASTER OF QUESTS IS BACK IN TOWN. WE MISSED YOU, GNOME.

Ahem.

I say we take stock of the current party/group/friends/WHATEVER, then decide what to do.

>>5138580
You are already in the cave! You wonder how you got up here.

DRIBLIS is unconscious next to you, and several beds are spread about nearby. None are occupied. You here the sound of water running, and the sound of a crackling fire.

KRANN is not within sight.

>>5138647
XOM is based on the Xom in Stone Soup. My version of him is distinctly different, however, but every picture of Xom ever seems to be based on my version, since the original had no drawings of him.

>>5138652
Moridan is pissed off at us, so prolly Yog for being buddies with Xom

Send a Prayer to Moradin. Remind him his days are numbered.

Go to the windmill and say you need somebody to join your party. Ignore everything else and leave immediately if nobody accepts.

Search for Krann/Naga

>>5138679
don't do that. He'll just use his magic earth rape powers to rape us. To death.

>>5138672
The creator of the original dungeon crawl made two other games that mention Xom, but they might be completely unrelated.

>>5138712

If he can find us. No eyes, remember?

>>5138728
He can find us if we're touching the ground.

>>5138672
"Beardbeard! You're alive! Thank the heavens. We thought you'd never wake up!"

Presley looks a bit worn and thin and not nearly as burned and skin missing as you remember.

I say we take Xom's offer. Xom is one of the strongest gods, if not the.

1. Take championhood

2. Kill the super-lawful Moradin

3. Take his divinity

4. ???

5. PROFIT

>>5138748
"I surprise everyone. 'S my life mission. How is everybody?"

>>5138748
How the hell did we get here Presley? Where is everybody, and how are you ok?

"How long was I out? Who's left?"

>>5138774
This and "I need a drink".

>>5138774

"WHY ARE WE NOT MARCHING ON BUZZARDLOVED!"

Ask Presley if he is ok, and where the delicious Naga medic went to

Ask where Garrelf's body is too.

>>5138774
>How long was I out?
"Its been 5 months! I am so glad you're okay. By Fate, you never once stopped to heal, did you? You had wounds that were injured!"

>Whose left?
"Just Krann, Driblis, me, and three kobolds. That water priest guy went back to try and revive what's left of his people. We haven't heard back from him."

>>5138782
>I need a drink
"We have a barrel of ale for in case you woke up, come with me. KRAAAAN, BEARDBEARD IS AWAKE!"

>>5138812
"Krann had Garrelf's body cremated. It seems he'd done some pretty unspeakable things..."

>>5138853
Well, we won't be doing any conquering with that bunch. Let's become an adventuring party!

>>5138853
"...Five months?"
*drink*
"...Fuck."

>"Krann had Garrelf's body cremated. It seems he'd done some pretty unspeakable things..."

Was this a proper viking funeral is Beardbeard going to have to choke a bitch?

>>5138875
Let it go. We're not wasting anything on revenge, especially not a potential ally.

>>5138853
"What about all the spider corpses?"

>>5138853
Is Driblis asleep or has he been out too?

>>5138875

Agreed. No one shows disrespect to our fallen friends. Lets go punish her for her insolance.

Assuming she's been insolant, of course, if she did it respectfully, then good job. Either way, we should make some sexual advances towards her, its what Garelf would have wanted.

We need to rally our troops. Lets gather them up and let them know how impressed we were at their deeds in that battle. Give Driblis a promotion if we can, and let Presley know that his loyalty over all this time will not go unrewarded. We're like our survivors. They remind us of ourselves, and goddamn, they should know how proud we are of them.

>>5138916
We are not Garelf, and we have no army.

I'd have sworn that there were at least a couple spiders left...

>>5138916
>sexual advances
Stop trying to get fap fuel, you creepy fucks.

>>5138853
"Driblis is still out? If he was as hurt as me, he should be dead. Is he ever gonna wake up?"

Over your short walk, Presley answers a few questions.
>>5138896
>What about Driblis? Is he sleeping, or has he been out too?
"He's... also, been unconscious this entire time."

>>5138894
>And the spiders?
"Used to feed the surviving spider. He makes a very good watchdog. We've named him Lolth II, after his mother."

And then Krann. "Oh Beardbeard, thank you. Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you, on behalf of my people, for freeing us from Garrelf's oppressive reign. I am so glad you are okay."

<3

>>5138933

We have a double general do we not? We have at least three kobolds, do we not? Good sir, under our leadership I do say we have an army! How many of them are left doesnt matter. They stood by us in the worst of times, after all their friends and allies fell. This was our battle on saint cispens day, good sir! They will show their scars with pride! You would take that away from them now, when there is all the more glory to be had, by declairing our army disbanded? Nay! For though we hang low now, cowering in this stone box of a cave, we shall rise up once more, and take back what is rightfully ours! It may not be easy. It may not be quick, but with Xom as my witness, we shall lead this army to victory again!

>>5138982
"And now begins the reign of Beard-Beard! I must now search out a proper wife, for I must have someone to rule my people with!"

>>5138982
Offer a hug for Krann, she looks like she needs one.

>>5138982
Ask if Garelf had any loot on him.

>>5138982

Beardbeard x Naga: One True Pair.

>>5138982

Our duty is clear. We must seek out a cleric to find heal our Double-General.

Wasnt Garelf king of the elfs or something? Doesnt killing him make us king of the elfs?

>freeing us from Garrelf's oppressive reign.

Make the :awesome: face.

>>5139006
Shut the hell up. We could kill Moradin in 5 seconds with the proper equipment.

>>5139032
No, the elves don't need him anymore.

>>5138982
Confess you never intended to free her people and it was just a happy accident. Offer her a position in your group for her help, however.

Ask Presley what he thinks on the Championage issue, if he knows we worship Xom.

>>5138982
She's in for a surprise.
By surprise I mean we enslave her people and make them servants of the kobolds that are left. We'll collect more kobolds later with the promise of Naga slaves for everyone.

>>5139039

I think he's just trying to say that we should let them know we appreciate all they've given up for us.

>>5139031
Seconding this. Driblis is a cool guy, needs our help if possible.

>>5139074

This.

But first we need to get organized and get our bearings. Any idea where we are on the world map? What do we have to do to claim Heracle's divinity? Where are we going and what are we currently trying to do? Healing Driblis sounds like a good idea. Where do we have to go to do that?

>>5139048
>Confess you never intended to free her people and it was just a happy accident. Offer her a position in your group for her help, however.
"Oh, I was planning on staying for a while. I-if you don't mind, I mean." Krann takes hold of Presley's hand.

>Ask Presley what he thinks about the Chaos champion thing.
"I say it would be a good idea, but I will stand by anything you choose."

I know we're not covering that right now, but I wanna give a vote for NOT being xom's champion.

>>5139128
Damn his cockblocking ways!

>>5139128
Did we drink that ale yet? If not, drink it then see if your voice will wake Driblis.

>>5139128
Kraan looks pregnant. WAY TO GO PRESLEY

He's worse than lily Roosterhalt!

i second the motion to make ourselves king of the naga bitches. they would make a great army

>>5139128
AS THE FUTURE CHAMPION OF CHAOS I WOULD BE REMISS IN BEING THE KING AND RULER OF A COUNTRY.

PRESLEY, I APPOINT YOU KING AND DRIBLIS INFINITY GENERAL.

YOU WILL RULE AS WELL AS KEEP A LARGE SUPPLY OF BEER AND A ROOM, INCLUDING A BED, MADE OF ROCK FOR ME IN CASE I DECIDE TO STOP BY.

>>5139128
See, she's freed from one brutal overpowering male master and immediately goes for another. The Naga people are MADE for slavery! It'd almost be a crime against nature itself not to utilize this bountiful new resource. All in favor of slave-Nagas for all of Beardbeard's new empire say Aye!

>>5139128
Dawwww.

Alrighty, let's get DRUNK. Offer some to Presley in congratulations on... developments, see if we can wake up Driblis, then...

CHAMPIONHOOD.

>>5139128
Find more exotic race, make one our Bitch/queen. SonSun needs a mother, and kingdom needs queen.

Let's not reconquer Buzzardloved. We don't need to rule a city to be awesome.

Let's aim for godhood.

But in the short term, ask Krann if she can heal Driblis and the other bolds, or, if not, if she knows where we can go to get them healed.

>>5139163

Aye! You have my sword!

>>5139159
I like this one.

Also yell at Driblis to GET THE FUCK UP, LAD

Ye olde laugh at the handy holdy stuffs. But good naturedly.

>>5139163
Beardbeard isn't one for slavery. He prefers democracy.

For all the people voting against being Xom's champion, how else are we supposed to fix our hands?

Then we can use our Axe of the Pit, and rape the shit out of Heracles. Seriously doing some random fetch quest for Xom is worth it for our hands.

>>5139190
>democracy
And that's why we're voting!

>>5139128
Well, it appears that Krann is taken. Our compliments to Presley on his taste. We can't steal his lady, obviously. That would be rude.

It would also be rude to enslave his woman's people, come to think of it. Maybe we should locate and abuse a different servitor race.

>>5139191
Hell, we can get even better mutations.

Scales, long claws, real damn wings...

Guys. Guys. We don't need Krann as our waifu. I actually suggest Kav, she's kill crazy, she enjoys weapons, hot, she worships Heracles so she'll be a follower of us if we take his divinity. Only downsize is her size. But when we're god we can find a way around that.

Ask Presley and Krann how long this thing has been going on and congratulate them.

>>5139170
We should go find a demonspawn women. Demonspawns love chaos and shit.
>>5139173
All the other bolds are healed and left, Driblis is the only one still out and he's healed too.

"i think ill take fate up on that offer next time i hear from him because i dontgiveaFUCK"

>>5139191

Yeah, until Xom's request comes in at the last minute: Give me Heracule's godhood rather than taking it yourself. Do you really want to give the GM a free "dick with the player" card?

>>5139163
AYE! Raise funds for a new army by selling pictures of Krann and Presley romancing.

>>5139191
Garrelf's all ashified now .. Presley thinks it's a good idea .. leaning toward accepting now.

>>5139215
Why would the strongest goddamn god want the divinity of the weakest?

To everyone saying "Let's enslave the nagas!" I'd like to remind you most of them are dead now.

Seriously, why do you think >That water priest guy went back to try and revive what's left of his people.

>>5139210

FUND IT

>>5139210

FUND IT

>>5139210
We won't be able to get Finlay on our side if we associate ourselves with Kav. Also, go into the woods and kill an elf or fluffy animal.

There have to be more kobolds then just the one village we found. We know kobolds put up with the servitude because it's not like they were doing anything useful with their freedom anyway, and at least this way they get glory.

>>5139225
To make a hero sandwich.

Just a thought... and maybe we can ask Satan or Fate or whoever on this, but... couldnt we just send a prayer to Hercules challenging him to single combat? I mean, we could spend a week getting ready, then when we're at our strongest we can just call him, right? Is he honestly the sort of god to refuse that type of thing? I say we hedge our bets and dont take any deals from Xom until we've secured our godhood.

>>5139227
Well, then we'll collect them when they're resurrected/help resurrect them and then enslave them. We're going to need to get slaves for our evil empire from somewhere, after all, and Elves are a bit blasty and have thin little girl arms. They wouldn't even make good tables.

>>5139251
What about our mutations? Heracles also has guns.

>>5139251
Gods have to accept challenges. Remember when we killed Glidergold

>>5139235
We don't want Finlay on our side. All of Aldwinside should be left alone as much as possible so they can live their HAPPY ENDINGS. And we can make her grow to near our size so they won't recognize her.

>>5139256
NO ARMS
NO LEGS

SIXTEEN AXES

ALL MADE FROM RAW CHAOS

So ..

Continue quest of reconquest or run with Xom? Decide guys!

>>5139138
>>5139168
Beardbeard and Presley share some ale. Ahhhh, Ale. Delicious alcohol.

>>5139173
>Ask Krann about healing Driblis
"I HAVE healed him, and you. Both of you have no broken bones or outside wounds remaining, but it takes time to rest off the damage. Driblis will wake up in due time. I wish I could tell you when that will be."

>>5139210
>Ask Presley and Krann how long this thing has been going on and congratulate them.
"About a month after we met. So... 4 months now. We're going to get married when we have the chance to go to a temple of Fate."

>>5139262
Finlay is really strong and has low logic/charm. He wasn't meant to not fight. At least Kav still has her legit joint.

Gnome, update the quests:

"Find a cleric to heal our Double-General"
"Find Kav, offer her guns, ask her out"

>>5139266
No.

See this fucker?

He's made of RAW CHAOS.

He has animals and shit coming out of him when he wants them to and they do their own thing (kill everyone else).

We go like that, only instead of animals we have AXES and ALE coming out.

>>5139279
WALK OVER TO THAT INFINITY GENERAL

TELL HIM TO WAKE THE FUCK UP HE HAS SOME INFINITIES TO GENERAL.

>>5139266
We can't do that unless we become a champion of Xom first.
>>5139287
He's already healed.

"Presley - you really think it's a good idea?"
*drink*

Can we call Fate back and accept the deal?

Then again, we might want to use the day we gained for GETTING SHIT IN ORDER. The moment we accept, Xom will probably want something from us.

QUICK. Do we have anything important to do first?

Gnome, what is the nearest city/place? I want us to go there after we finish drinking since nothing important is going on here(unless Driblis wakes the fuck up).

>>5139313

add on "He could tell me to kill you or the rest whenever he wants, and I'd have to obey."

>>5139291

Fuck yeah nero

1: Become Xom's Champion.
2: Change ARMY into ADVENTURING PARTY
3: Do research on Heracles.
4: Challenge and kill Heracles.

>>5139331
Recruit Kav/Kav's boys

>>5139331
Yah - tell Driblis he's in charge of reconquest operations &c. Something's come up for us we have to attend to ...
Xom? Oh Xom? Yoo hoo!

>>5139279
Ask Fate to marry them when he "prays" you in the morning.

Seriously people, don't become xom's champion. It's be pretty much the ultimate shooting ourselves in the foot.

>>5139369

Agreed. We may be evil, but at least we're in control of our own fate right now. If we become Xom's Champion it could pit us against our friends, and I don't think I could take that.

We're essentially a champion of Xom already, if only in spirit, why not get the actual perks to go along with it?

>>5139384
We aren't evil if we care about people.

>>5139384
>beardbeard
>friends

>>5139384
Then were you ever really supposed to be here to begin with? Go back to Aldwinside.

>>5139384
Who the fuck cares?

Since day 1 we've been doing awesome shit because it was awesome. Now we're going to be doing awesome shit because the awesome god tells us to do something awesome.

You don't want to REFUSE Xom, do you? That would be a bad idea.

>>5139384
>>5139369
We need that power, and we need the ability to control our fucking mutations.

WE CAN BARELY FUCKING FIGHT LIKE THIS.

>>5139384
>pit us against our friends,

Whoa. I hadn't thought of that. Um .. ok. That's a problem. I don't think BB would be able to swing this.

>>5139384
>If we become Xom's Champion it could pit us against our friends

I doubt Xom would do that. Seriously, tons of power at the cost of destroying your friends and loved ones? How cliche and unoriginal. Plus, it's not like the fight would be entertaining, BB's already the strongest fighter of our group, and with Xom's power added on top he'd annihilate them. How boring.

>>5139301
>DRIBLIS! This is Beardbeard, WAKE THE FUCK UP.
animated.

>>5139434

But it would come up at the most entertaining moment possible. Think: Driblis has just struck down Posideon and is in the process of claiming the godhood, bam, the order comes through to strike him down for the lulz of it.

>>5139446
Turn to everyone else:

"So NONE of you did that? God you all suck ass. Fuck this I'm going to be Xom's Champion."

>Pit Beardbeard against our friends
Okay, I am going to step out of the game for a moment and say that no, no Xom will not do that. That would be lame, and altogether cruel. While I am capable of being both cruel and lame, DO NOT WANT.

This particularly command, you can have my word Xom will not give.

Become Xom's Champion

DO IT FAGGOT

>>5139446
That worked out shockingly well.

How's it going, Driblis?

>>5139472

God bless you Gnome. Wish my GM was as awesome as you.

>>5139472
there you go you bunch of pansies, can we do this now?

>>5139464
Beardbeard is the only one capable of doing this kind of thing.

>>5139472
>>5139475
Seconded.

Look, Beardbeard is lawful good.

He has a tradition of killing everyone. Oh well, what can you do, right? Everyone needs a hobby.

But non-elves? He SAVES those lives EVERY DAY by not killing things that aren't elves. That's pretty fucking altruistic if you ask me. How many lives have YOU saved? Zero? That's what the hell I thought.

And the racial discrimination? That's what we call lawful and orderly. It's pretty simple, elves bad not elves good. How is that not lawful.

Thus proving forever that Beardbeard is Lawful Good.

XOM AHOY!

>>5139472
There we go. No more pussyfooting around. Xom's champion we shall be.

>>5139505
No, he's chaotic neutral/awesome. He does not follow the law and will attack people out of greed/racism.

>>5139472
>Piccolo.jpg
...Laaaaaaaame!

I still don't trust xom enough to not screw us over

Find Girlfriend

Become Xom's Champion

Challenge Heracles

FINAL DESTINATION

Get fate on the motherfucking phone! Or hell, maybe we should take some initiative, call Xom up ourselves, let him know that it is fucking ON!

Okay, let's become Xom's champion and use his power to save Garrelf from ETERNAL DAMNATION.

We're not mad at him anymore and the guy just doesn't deserve that shit.

Then we can give Krann back to him. Or maybe that'd be a bit too cruel.

>Look, Beardbeard is lawful good.

rolled 17 = 17

Can we roll on crawl's list of races for introducing a new character?

>>5139560
We don't know about the Satan deal.

You offer a prayer to Fate.
>That Champion thing? Lets do it.
"My, that was quick. Alright, here you go!"

Wait wait, wasn't Pelor one of the very weakest gods? I mean, weaker than Heracles? How can Heracles still be Pelor's champion if he's stronger than him?

Anyway, I say we rescue Garrelf first. Godhood can wait.

So, the catch must be something even worse than betraying all our friends.

>>5139584
"Quick? It's been 5 months."

Eh, fuck it, we can always kill Xom later.

>>5139597
Hey, it's Xom we're talking about. There might be no catch at all.

I mean, he is just a big lunatic. Maybe there is a bigger catch than we can handle, or maybe there's nothing.

>>5139584
BRACE FOR IMPACT

>>5139584
>CHAMPION OF XOM title obtained!
>CONTROL MUTATION ability obtained!
You can now activate or deactivate your mutations on a whim. This process is all or nothing. You will randomly mutate further, but these additional mutations are also within your control. You can extend your limbs to about double their normal length for short periods of time. You can choose not to obtain a new mutation if it is acquired.

You cannot use AXE FOOT unless you are mutated. You cannot use your hands to hold anything while you are mutated. Except Ale, through sheer force of willpower.

>>5139597

As long as it isnt that specific catch, I'm fine with it.

>>5139576
The 17th race in crawl is the Kenku.

>>5139622
FUCK YEAH

>>5139284
Since he has low logic, it won't take much to disguise Kav from him.

>>5139584
Ask him to marry Krann and Presley

>>5139622
Can we MUTATE the FUCK out of our self and others?

For fucks sakes. Why am I not a Demigod? Demigods are the best race.

>>5139641
We can hug Xom.

And we should.

>>5139636
Kav hates Finlay, not the other way around.

>>5139645
Not in Dungeon Crawl they aren't.

>>5139636
shouldn't we be more worried about kaz recognizing finlay?

>>5139656
Are we getting Kav?

Ask Xom what happened to his severed hand from when you fought Musclebeard.

Alright, we're Xom's champion now. Happy? We're still stuck in a cave with a very limited booze supply. We're all concius now, let's get marching! Theres got to be a town nearby, we'll settle in there for the night and figure out whats been happening in the world while we were out.

>>5139639
>Ask Fate to marry Krann and Presley.
"Sure, why not. Just let me write it into my book aaaaaand... bam, legally married."

>>5139641
The power to mutate others is granted only to priests of Xom, and you lack priestly training. You can, however, willingly choose to mutate yourself further at any time. New mutations are permanent.

>>5139690
>"Sure, why not. Just let me write it into my book aaaaaand... bam, legally married."

That was anticlimactic. Shouldn't we have had to ask them first?

>>5139648
>>5139656
Well she does think she's killed the guy so she won't go after him... but I guess that still gets in the way of teaming up with Finlay. I just don't really see him wanting to join us. He seems to be quite happy with his new friends. I don't think he'll go adventuring with us.

>>5139690
Dammit.

>>5139690
Then let's mutate those vestigial wings into full-fledged wings.

>>5139700

I think its best to let it be a surprise.

Its more entertaining that way.

>>5139690
Ask if it's not too much trouble if he could do it in person.

Tell him we'd owe him one. He's bound to love that.

Then promote Driblis to INFINITY GENERAL.

>>5139712
We can only randomly mutate I think. Can we also polymorph? I'm pretty sure polymorphing falls under Xom's domain.

>>5139690

Ask how to become priestly and if that entails extra LOLRANDOM duties, because I'm picturing BB stepping up to big H, H raises his sword, and BB just raises a hand, points at him, and H starts mutating extra arms, eyes, mouths, becomes a glob of flesh, can't speak anymore, mouths fuse shut, grows a few heads half-out of his chest, and just MUTATE MUTATE MUTATEing the guy into a quivering mass of flesh that knows only its own pain.

And Xom is pleased.

>>5139712
I really doubt we get to pick and choose our mutations.

>>5139728
There's a spell in dungeon crawl that does that.

>>5139690
Do we have any control over areas of our body we want to mutate?

>>5139700
"They were going to get married two days from now anyway, might as well bump them up."

>>5139739
"You can try to control your new mutations, but they won't always go as planned. Sometimes you will get lucky, though."

>>5139755

Lets do it. Roll for mutation.

You know, I was expecting more from the advertised mutation control than an on/off switch.

>>5139755
Right. Change into ABOMINATION BEARDBEARD and try to mutate USELESS WINGS into USEFUL WINGS. We can then use those against Moradin so he can't sense us with TREMOR SENSE.

So we're the champion now? When are we going to stop sitting on our asses and do stuff? Garrelf's rescue and godhood come to mind.

>>5139784
Wait about the stone skin?

Being the champion sucks. Priests of Xom can already do what we can and more.

Autosaging.

>>5139806
We'll get around that by using Heracles's divinity to make an axe that could cut through even diamonds. We will call it the DIAMOND CUTTER.

It'll be like Bill Door's scythe.

I'm just looking over the list of random mutations in the warhammer tomb of corruption.

Fun Fun Fun.

>>5139690
Let's mutate our hands further. Anything is better than cancerous blobs.
Hell, let's just play Russian Roulette with this power until we get something nifty. We can always turn the mutations off anyhow.

>>5139799
>Garrelf's Rescue
>Garrelf's monument
>Godhood
>Hunt down Kav or some other girl to woo
The way I see it, those are our current goals. Which one do we want to pursue at the moment? Beardbeard can't focus when all of you are yelling different ideas at him, and killing Garrelf's girlfriend for her godhood doesn't make sense.

>>5139846
I'd like a link to that, if possible. Sounds genuinely useful.

>>5139875
bad idea.

though, I do agree with MUTATE HANDS. maybe we can get a CLUBARM, or BLADEARM, or maybe HANDSAGAIN.

>>5139887
I say Godhood. Then we fight Moradin on equaler terms.

>>5139887
I say Garrelf. Nothing in the world is as important as a friend in need.

Bros before hos. Or before gods, for that matter.

Explore nearby towns for info on current events and Heracles.

>>5139887
>Godhood
This one takes it. We can worry about the rest of it after ultimate cosmic power.

>>5139887
Godhood.

LET'S KICK THE SHIT OUT OF THAT PANSY ASS HERACLES!

rolled 3 = 3

>>5139887
Lets ask the magical dice god.

>>5139887
Godhood. Then we can carve Garrelf's face on the moon with ease, and we can woo Kav. We'd be her god. You don't turn your god down.

>>5139906
>>5139921
>>5139922
Sure whatever, if you don't like the idea of your BEST FRIEND EVER HAVING BEEN IN HORRIBLE TORMENT FOR FIVE MONTHS ALREADY AND HE'S GOING TO BE THERE FOR LONG STILL IF YOU IGNORE HIM.

>>5139887
>I'd like a link to that, if possible. Sounds genuinely useful.

The table alone is like, 25 pages or so. I'll see what I can do to get it for you though.

>>5139949
dude, he'll be fine for like, another week.

seriously, how long could godhood take?

>>5139949
WE DON'T KNOW THAT YET. WE CAN'T METAGAME. WE'LL PROBABLY LEARN IT WHEN WE GET OUR GODHOOD AND TALK TO SATAN.

rolled 3 = 3

>>5139956
Are the amount of mutations on each page consistent?

Wait, garrelf's dead, we killed him. He shouldn't have too much to be rescued from- why are you guys trying to rescue him?

>>5139983
Because he's our friend.

>>5139983
He's in Hell, isn't he? But we don't know that yet. And he might be having a great time being a demon lord or something. Garrelf's resourceful.

I say we should at least do something sappy in remembrance of our best friend forever.

rolled 3 = 3

>>5140020
But the dice says to go get godhood.

>>5140020
we're GONNA get him back.

it's on our list.

just not yet.

>>5139934
>>5139974
>>5140032
I think the answer is clear.

LET'S FUCK UP HERACLES

We will acheive Godhood for the glory of our lost friend, in honor of his help and awesomeness.

rolled 1 = 1

There are almost 300 posts in this thread.

New thread: >>5140102

Here, have an animated .gif I made.

>>5139956
If its on /rs/ that would work also, if you give me the book title. Thanks a ton.

>>5139934
>>5139974
>>5140032
...The dice have spoken.

>>ROCKING THE AUTOSAGE HUH?