Goez ta da SOUF

loot

Metal bitz make gud arma.

Wen al da metal is arma, I'z not inna hut no more.

Muck around.

look for some loot

>>5181096

Da souf is a wall ya git!

>>5181106

No time fa muckin about! You iz an Ork!

>>5181102

You make da hut inta arma. You iz a lot bigga now, da otha boyz will tink you da shit

You see some otha boyz in the distance, dey is tryin ta build somethin

STOMP

FIRST, I QUIT MUCKIN ABOUT.

DEN, I GETS BACK TO WAAAAAAAAGHIN!

IF WE IZ NOT WAAGHIN, SUBSTITUTE WIF ROKKIN!

Garb ma Biggst Axe 'n' go krak some space marinez skullz

Use tha metal bitz ta make a war wagon.

>>5181123

You start stompin, CUZ YOU IZ AN ORK after all, and it iz a well known fact dat Orkz love ta stomp

You'd be remiss not ta live up to dese expectationz

Da otha boyz buildin dat thing notice you and start tellin ya to shut up

>>5181126

You ain't got no guitar ta rock, someone stole it!

WHERES ME GROT?

>>5181129

Dey is some humies on da otha side of the planet, but you ain't got no trukk ta get dere!

>>5181131

You already made arma outta da bitz, you ain't go no more left

>>5181117

If I'z wearin da hut az arma, dat meenz I'z da biggest, an biggest iz boss. An DAT meenz deyz makin' stuff fer ME.

ER WOT?

I GO FIND DA GIT WOT STOLE ME GEE... GIT... ME NOIZ MAKIN FING WOT IZ FER ROKKIN!

>>5181157
WHATZ YOU TALKIN' ABOUT, I ALWAYS GOT ENUFF BITZ!

Fuck Yes Bowie! You are the king of the Quest!

>>5181149

Your Grot ran off somewherez, said he wuz fetchin you some squigs ta eat

Dat little shit had betta come back soon cuz you iz hungry as a dick

>>5181165

You stop up to dem boyz and tell dem dat you iz da biggest and da baddest!

Upon closa inspection, dey is forced ta concur

DEY IZ YOUR MOB NOW

Dey go on to esplain dat dey was buildin' a special kinda Trukk

You ask dem what kinda special

Dey say DA KIND DAT KILLZ HUMIES

>>5181093
youz eat tha metal bitz to get out

DIS TRED NEEDS MOAR STOMPIN

Why, I dare say that this is the perfect opportunity to have some lovely jasmin tea with a cucumber crisp.

I will try and find a nice, sunny hilltop whereupon I may gaze at the horizon for solitude as I enjoy my meal.

ERE WE GO ERE WE GO ERE WE GO

I FIND A ROKKIN THING

>>5181185

I tellz dem dat all trukkz kill humiez. Wot meks dis un any diff'rent?

I tellz em to chewz dere next werds with xtreem care.

>>5181188
DIS STOMPIN NEEDS MOAR TRED

I take a dump into my own mouth and shout that I'm herding squigs in the pen.

>>5181193
OY I FOUND A WEEDY UMIE

get im!

>>5181193

You grab a nearby grot an throw 'im at a bird dat happened ta be flyin by

Da grot hits da bird and dey both fall outta da sky screamin

When dey hit da ground dey hit wit such force dat dey asplode wit blood an guts everywhere

Ya boyz cheer an you esplain DAT ONES CALLED DA JAZMINE TEA

Den you stare off at the horizon an realize you iz da shit

>>5181188

You stomp in victory ova da jazmine tea

>>5181210
Oh my fucking god, I rolled out of my chair after reading that.

Iz gets out and fight FOR DA EMPRA! He be da biggest baddest warboss. Not so green but thats okay, he gots loots of shooty bits to make up for it.

>>5181198

You ask da boyz for somethin dat rockz

One a dem hands you a rock

You smack it outta his handz incredulously

>>5181202

Den you shake ya fist at 'em

"But boss," one a dem replies, "Dis trukk kills humies WIT HUMIES"

He den motions to da kustom cannon on top a da trukk and it fires a humie outta it. Da humie screamz and lands wit a splat

wez need some moar dakka for tha trukk

>>5181224

Da Emprah is still sleepin in dis continuity ya git!

>>5181233
that gun needs more shock and more attack to fire a living thing.

it's time to find yourself a professional mekboy

>>5181233

Zog me! Dats what I call Dakka! Lets take dat fancy shoota for ourselves! It dont need no stinkin' truk. We iz da ones dat need da truk!

>>5181233

I rub me chin fortfully, and kommend dem on dere finkin owtside da box, but dey is still not quite dere yet.

Humiez splattin sure iz fun, but dat ain't gonna kill nuffink werf killin but da humie yuz shot.

Dey needz to get some beakiez wiv burnaz, dey'll blow up reel nice when we shoot dem.

And fer gettin beakies wiv burnaz, we'z gonna hav to have a WAAAAAAAAAAUGH!

We prepare for WAAAAAAAAAAUGH! KERBSTOMPA!

>>5181224
Oh my god...
Imagine what would happen if the Orks actually thought of the Emperor as their warboss?

Think the Empire could overlook a bit of herasy for such a huge and powerful force?

>>5181251

Ya nod ya head but tell da boyz dat it needz MO DAKKA, clearly

Da boyz scratch dey heads an say "Well we could get a Mek Boy, but da only one around herez workz for da Buttfuck Clan!"

I GOBSMACK DA GIT WOT GAVE ME DA ROCK AND TAKE IZ TEEF.

"NO YA GIT! ITZ LIKE A SHOOTA WOT HAZ SQUIG GUT STRINGZ ON IT FER MAKIN LOUD NOIZ."

ZOG DIS BOVVER, I IZ GONNA TAKE DEEZ TEEF AN GET ME SUM FLASHY DAKKA!

>>5181268

Na! deyz gonna be working for me now! And i'll crump the lotta yas that says otherwise. I'm da biggest, so I'm in charge!

>>5181276

Ya take da teef of da stupid git who gave ya da rock

And since you have alwayz been a fan of irony, you uzed da rock he tried to give you to perform dis action

YOUR CLAN IZ NOW RICHER

It just occured to you dat your clan ain't got no name

WAT IZ DA NAME OF YOUR CLAN

>>5181282

You also make a preemtive deklaration of WAAAAGH against da Buttfuck Clan

Dey boyz iz your boyz now!


... all ya gotta do iz tell dem dat

>>5181284
WE IZ DA SOLJA BOYZ

>>5181297

You notice one a your boyz is doin dis dance

Dis addictive fuckin dance

You ask him wat dat dance is and hes all DA SUPAMAN SOULJAH BOY

You kill dis boy instantly and try to think of a clan name

tear da metal bitz all up n' make a ded art suit uf armor

>>5181306

We Iz gonna be da Rockarollas! On account of da primary means of wealth aquisition.

>>5181284

DA BOOMCHAKALAKAS

>>5181314

You toss your Money-Makin Rock up in da air and tell all da boyz dat you iz DA ROCKAROLLAZ

You got da teef

You got da mob

You got da trukk

All you need now iz mo dakka, and da boyz who have dat is da Buttfuck Clan

You tell da boyz ta load up CUZ ITS TIME TA STOMP

>>5181334

WAAAAAAAAGH!

>>5181284
HMMMM. DATS SUMFINK WOT NEEDZ SUM KUNNIN' FINKIN.

I ALWAYZ LIKED DEM GOFF BOYZ, BUT DEY WARNT TOO MUCH INTER IRONING.

MAYBE I CAN WERK WIF DAT ROCK SMACKIN' BIT. FIND SUM LIKEMINDED GITZ WOT DUZ SUM IRONING, LIKE MAYBE SHOOT A HUMIE OUT OF A KANNON AT A HUMIE.

CALL DA LOT DA IRON GOB KLAN MAYBE, GONNA WERK ON DAT NAME.

>>5181355

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGH

Your boyz have been screamin dat fo like ten hourz without even takin a breath

You have neva been more proud a your boyz, and cant help but shed a solitary, orky tear

Up ahead you see da BUTTFUCK CLAN fortress, which iz made outta all kindz a spikey and metal bitz

One of da enemy sees you comin and standz in da middle of the path of ya trukk

He is waving in a friendly manner, welcoming a fellow Greenskin to the safety of da Buttfuck Fortress

Wat does ya do?

>>5181261


FOR DA EMPERAH

>>5181371
Look behind you. Butffuck klan has a reputation for sneak attack from the back.

>>5181371

KRUMP IM GOOD!

>>5181358
OI! I AZ BEEN PRE-EMPTED BY SUM GIT WOT POSTED AHEAD OF ME!

...HE DID FINK OF A BETTER NAME THOUGH. SUPPOSE I'LL GOBSMACK 'IM LATER WHEN NONE OF DA LADZ IZ LOOKIN.

>>5181371
WE DUZ DA ONLY FING WOT IZ ORKY AND PROPER TO DO, RUN IM DOWN LIKE A GROT LIKE DA BOYZ ON GORKAMORKA TOT US IN DA GUD OLD DAYZ!

>>5181381

Dose Buttfuck boyz are always tryin ta get up on da rear, so yous lookz behind da trukk

Dere is anotha Buttfuck Boy, also waving in a friendly manner, and offering you some free food and lodging

>>5181402

Deze buttfuck boyz iz unorky. doez we really wantz da unorky orkz in our clan?

Best shoot dem wif sum humiez

>>5181402
PUNCH EM IN DA JIBBLIES AND LOOT THEIR STUFF LADZ, ORKZ WOT IZ NICE TA YA AINT PROPER ORKZ AT ALL!

IZ PROBLY A SNEAKY TRAP!

>>5181391
>>5181392

Your trukk doesn't stop for an instant and da friendly Ork is splattered into a thousand bitz

You then reverse and hit da one behind ya too. No Buttfucking today, you rascals!

Your trukk slams into da main gates of da fortress and starts firin da humie cannon while your boyz jump out and get ta stompin da Buttfuck Boyz, who iz all takin it hard and good like dey should

Up ahead you see a familiar face. It iz your grot, Snivley McSnivlepants! He iz conivin wit da enemy!

>>5181419

Dis.

>>5181419

You tell your boyz ta take no prisonerz. Dese boyz is faggots!

>>5181402
you accept their generocity and give them some teef in appreciation.

then beat them up and take your teef back, maybe with interest this time.

>>5181423

krump dat grot wif anuvver grot.

use smooshy grot bits on armour

WE IZ BIGGEST! WE IZ DA BOSS! DIS IS DA FORTRESS OF DA ROCKAROLLAZ NOW!!!

>>5181434
ER WAIT LADZ, SUMFIN AINT RIGHT HERE.

I FINK DEEZ BUTTFUCK BOYZ IZ ENJOYIN GETTIN KRUMPED.

DAT MAKE ANY OF YA UVVER LADZ FEEL... DIRTY?

>>5181451

You reach behind you and grabz a grot and stuffs him in da Humie Cannon

Say cheeze! you say cleverly while Snivley cowers in fear

Da Humie cannon fires da random grot, but misses Snivley. Wat da zog?

You then remember you have a shitty balistic skill

Da random grot hitz da Warboss of the Buttfuck boyz, who wuz tryin ta run. Now iz your chance!

>>5181469

One of your boyz says dat dese Buttfuck boyz keep laughin and moanin in weird wayz

You tell 'im to just close his eyes and pretend like he'z killin' somethink else. It'll all be over soon, lad. Just... just close your eyes...

>>5181470

chase down dat zoggin faggot in ya trukk.
good old fashuned orky poofta bashin

>>5181483

Everything Emprah Bowie does calls for drawfaggotry

>>5181480
DAT DUZ IT BOYZ, MAKE DAT COWARDLY GIT DO DA BURNY DANCE WIF DA SKORCHAS!

BETTER BURN IM GOOD AND PROPER, I DONT FINK WE WONT DOZE BUTTFUCK SPOREZ TA TAKE ROOT... DEEZ BOYZ AINT RIGHT.

>>5181480

>>5181490

You get in da driver seat of da Trukk and rev it all badass like

"Ey dawg!" you call out, "I put a Ork in dis trukk so I can stomp while I WAAAGGHH!"

You den floor it and pin da enemy warboss against a buildin'. He squirms a bit and den he dies like a bitch

You step and and take his powa claw. It iz a huge powa claw, da biggest youve seen, though it smells a little funny...

Dese Buttfuck Boyz sure is weird

>>5181492

<3

>>5181470
grab him, turn him TOWARD you
and start krumpin

>>5181505

You call some of ya burnie boyz over and tell dem to finish da job

You look at da body of da Buttfuck Boss and calmy say, "You could say dat you just got BURNED"

You tink you iz really good at delivering one linerz at appropriate timez

>>5181514

WAAAAAGH!!!

WE IZ DA BOSS NOW! YOUZ IZ ROCKAROLLAZ! YOUZ BEST GET ROCKING!

>>5181514

we haz a klaw. wot duz we do now?

OI BOSS, DATZ SUM ZOGGIN FINE FLASH YOU LOOTED FROM DAT BUTTFUCK WARBOSS...

WHY YOU FINK DA MIDDLE KLAW ON DAT FING IZ ALL RUBBERY AND AZ ITS OWN WEEDY LITTLE MOTOR WOT MAKEZ IT SPIN AND VIBRATE?

>>5181514
vibrate your klaw

and pierce the heaven.

it's time to build a rok and get the fuck outta here!

>>5181530

You immediately yank dat rubbery part off

"Letz neva speak a dis again"

>>5181527

WAAAAAAAAAAGH

Da Buttfuck Boyz is right ded and burnified, and you have a shitload of teef now, tanks ta your lucky Money-Makin Rock

Life iz good

Rememberin' why you came here in da first place, you tell your boyz if dey found a Mek Boy

"Oi boss we did! He was a big 'un too! It took tree of us ta stomp im!"

You facepalm. Gork damn it.

>You iz in a hut made outta metal bitz.

Get yer boyz ta kustomize da klaw and make it killier den anyfing else. Da klaw needs uvver klaws so yer can klaw while yer klaw. Like if yer klaw was a klaw made outer dem chainchoppa fings da spikeys use.

>>5181523
why you ork so nigga?

archive this

>>5181543

GET DA PAINBOSS TER FIX 'IM

TAKE 'IS GRIBBLY BITS OUT AN' REPLACE 'EM WIF OVVER GRIBBLY BITS, E'LL BE FINE, ORKZ IS TUFF

>>5181543

find sum dakka. Needz more dakka and more choppy

>>5181548

Wit da significant lack of a propa Mek Boy, you grab da Ork who made da Humie Cannon. He probably would be better den one a dem weird Buttfucker Boyz anyway

Iz name is GORGASH THE MAKER, appropriately

You tell im ta make your new klaw the klawiest klaw dat eva klawed

>>5181551

Oi itz good but it needs da BOWIE LIGHTNIN BOLT after dat itll be WAAAAAAAAGH

>>5181543

Take all da metal bitz an' gubbinz in da fort and put dem on da trukk. Den have Gorgash bodge it so it iz not a trukk anymore, it iz a BATTLEWAGON

>>5181569

Dismantle da fort! use it fer bitz.

>>5181585

Afta a few hourz of work Gorgash comez back wit da klaw

It iz glorious. Da Orkiezt ting youve eva seen

"Gorgash me boy, youz gonna go far in diz WAAAGH"

"Aw shuckz" he replies abashedly

You den command him to take da entire fortress and make da Trukk into a BATTLEWAGON

Gorgash kind of sighs but he does it anyway CUZ YOU DA BOSS

You sit on some Grotz as you watch him work and take a sip of delicious lemonaide

It ain't easy bein da Boss

>>5181572

WAAAAGH DAT IZ ORKY

I just 'ad an idear

wot if... wot if we gave evry ork in da waaagh a iron gob

an' wif a iron gob, da boyz dun need deir teef, cuz da iron gob is orkier

now we iz da richest boyz, richa den doze bad moonz an' lootas

>>5181616

Dun be a git! Where ya gonna grow yer teef if yous got an iron gob! Quit mucking about!

>>5181616

Oy! Dat iz some smart thinkin! Dis is why you iz da boss and dey iz da boyz!

You call Gorgash, an he comes over while struggling to hold up a massive piece of metal

You tell im dat when he iz done, he needs ta take da Money Makin Rock and round up all da boyz an smash out dey teef! Den, he needz ta use da spare bitz ta give em each a metal gob!

He sighs again but he does wut he iz told. You see a bird flying overhead and grab a grot for some JAZMINE TEA

>>5181625

You'll just tell Gorgash ta poke some holez in da gob so teef can grow in, aint no BFD

Youll remember ta tell 'im later

>>5181600

Now zat we gonna get da biggest orky wagon eva, we drive up to dem 'umie city and get some dakka for da 'uime gun.

wot kinda stinkin ork sits around doin nuffing when e could be bashin eads togever and racing.

YOU IZ MUKKIN ABOUT

Gorgash is bein' real un-orky wif da sighin' an da complainin'. We iz got ter remind 'im of wot bein' a ORK iz all about.

I fink a game would be a good idear. Da 'umie kannon shoots a 'umie, and one of da boyz triez ter hit da 'umie wif a zoggin' great klub. Da farther da 'umie goez, da orkier da boy iz. Da 'umie can go in more den one direkshun, datz okay.

I call it 'umieball.

>>5181651

Dat is essentially da idea! You iz da geniusiest Ork dat eva was!

>>5181652

Afta a couple dayz of workin, da Trukk was finally made into a BATTLE WAGON

Some Boyz from otha, less homosexual clans heard da newz da dere was a NEW Boss in town, and came ta join ya WAAAGH

YOU NOW HAVE A BIGGA WAAAGH

You tell ya boyz ta load up in da BATTLE WAGON and tell dem dat itz time ta STOMP DA HUMIES

>>5181630
>>5181636
boss teef upgrade!

>>5181670
What about da metal gobs and da teef!

>>5181661

You ain't mukkin, you iz contemplatin'. Itz important for a Boss ta contemplate Bossy tingz

>>5181662

Oi dat iz somethink! You smack Gorgash and tell im ta stop all da bellyachin and demand him to start da game

He informs you dat da Humie cannon is all outta humies!

Oh well youll load up at da HUMIE BASE CAMP

>>5181682

Datz been assumed to haff been done already! Da boyz are showin off deyz grillz and da orkz who joined you from da other clanz are mighty impressed

DA ROCKAROLLAZ HAVE DA BIGGEST AND DA BEST GOBS

>>5181677

WAAAGH

>>5181670
Da truk dont seem speedy nuf. Put on da rockets in da back. More rockets da better, and put rockets on da rockets until they dont fit anywhere no more. And paint it all red and with red arrows. Den we drive so fast we smash our wagon into the stupid umie city dey dont know what it him. Den we smash and stomp.

>>5181677

afta we krump da umiez an' put dem in da kannon we need ter put sluggaz in da gobz

all da boyz will 'ave right orky gobz wiv little sluggas in dem dat shoots fingz like bulletz an' rokz an' wasp-squigz at any umie grot dat getz up in deir grill

MAKE MOAR DAKKA

SOUF! TO DA UMIES! TO WAAAAAAHG!

>>5181702

You ain't got no rokketz! Da fortress was just made out a metal bitz and da new boyz only brought da clothes on dey backs and dere shootas!

Just then a boy tellz you dat dere is another base nearby full a dem blueskins who keep tryin ta recruit da orkz for deys Bestest Good or whatever

Dey might have some rocketz! You order your mob ta drive full speed towards da Tau Boyz!

>>5181703

WAAGH dat iz some brilliant contemplatin!

GORGASH! DRAW DA SCHEMATICZ

Da Tau Boyz iz wussy squigz. Dey can go in da 'umie kannon if we ain't got no 'umiez!

>>5181734
Remember to stomp da blueskins, stomp em gud
Blue is lucky ones

>>5181703
>>5181734
Youz making gorgash work much!

>>5181734

Status report? How much dakka we got. Dem Tau boys got goods dakka, but dey krump too eary. Dey gotz any of dem krooty boyz wit em? Demz allwayz good for a good solid smacking.

ME AHM ME AHM ME AHM ME AHM ME AHM ME AHM ME SUMMINZ UP DA POWAH OF DA BOSS HAND

>>5181734
youz need to get closa

shoot da boyz with the kannon so they are the choppa that dakka!

Afta some time your BATTLE WAGON approachez da Tau Boyz

Bein da clever boss dat you iz, you tell da boyz not to attack yet. You tink you have a better meanz to settlin dis conflict

You get out of da BATTLE WAGON and approach da Tau Boyz on your own.

One of deys Ethereal Boyz meets you halfway and lookz you up and down. "What do you want, foul ork? Have you finally come to join the Greater Good or have you decided to cause more unecessary blood shed?"

You bow yer head and say dat youd like ta have a few wordz in private wit him. He nodz his head and follows you

Meanwhile, at the Tau base, two Firewarriors are looking at what is happening from a watchtower.

"No... no, now he is leaving with Ethereal Shau'ves. I don't like this commander."

"Have faith in the Greater Good, brother. Ethereal Shau'ves knows what he is doing. He is in no harm."

"Yes I suppose you're... wait! They're readying their primary weapon!"

"What? They would dare attack with our most benevolent leader in their midst! Ha! They will feel the wrath of his blades!"

"Get down, they're firing!"

The shot slammed into the watchtower, forcing it to crumble on itself. The two firewarriors were able to leap out of harms way just in the nick of time as others came out to see what the noise was.

"That was no explosion! What in the name of the Greater Good did they fire at... OH SWEET MERCIFUL... THEY FIRED ETHEREAL SHAUS'VES!"

Back in the BATTLE WAGON, you were receiving many high fives from your boyz

>>5181796

Dats being a true ROCKAROLLA dat is!

>>5181785

WAAAGH GORGASH YOU IZ ONE CLEVAR ORK

>>5181816

We iz da most kunningest ork ever we iz.

Now, KRUMP DA LOT OF EM! WAAAAAAAHG!

LETS GET CHOPPY!

>>5181848

WAAAAAGH!

Your BATTLE WAGON smashez da zog into da main buildin of da camp, squishin a bunch of blue boyz while it waz at it

You jump out wit da rest of your boyz and start stompin and smashin. Den, not lettin yourself make da same mistake twice, you remind your boyz to take some Tau alive as prizonerz, and ta find out where dey keep deyz rockets!

Waaaaaaaagh!

>>5181863

Get da grots lootin' deys got lotsa dakka dese blueboys do!

>>5181816

>>5181896

Oi! Boyz! Datz enough stompin. Load da survivin' Tau Boyz in da Humie Cannon despite da blatant kontradiction, AND GET TA LOOTIN!

YOUR MOB HAS RECEIVED:
An entire armory of Tau weaponry and a handful of Markerlights
Two Devilfish Troop Transports
One Hammerhead Main Battle Tank
Some Kroot Loot

Gorgash grabs your attention for a few secondz and tellz ya dat he found somethin relatively unscathed in the rubble of da encampment

A FULLY FUNCTIONING CRISIS BATTLESUIT

>>5181901

WAAAAGHHH! HIGH FIVES ALL AROUND FOR DA BOYZ ON A JOB WELL DONE

>>5181863

Roit. Dey has blue blood, yeah? Datz lucky dat iz! Whatever bitz of da wagon aint painted red as best get painted blue!

>>5181863

BOSS! BOSS! IZ SAW A BLUE BOY RUNNIN LIKE A SQUIG OVAH TO DA HUMIE TAWN!!

>>5181937
FISH SUIT transform into !!!!!!! form of MEGA ULTRA ARMOR!

>>5181944

You pat Gorgash on da back and den tell him ta paint any part of da BATTLEWAGON dat aint red, blue!

DA BATTLEWAGON IS NOW RED AN BLUE

GOD BLESS DA UNITED WAAAGH

>>5181947

OI BOSS one of da boyz yells

WE FOUND SOME ORKY ROKKITS 'ERE TOO

How da zog did they get dere?

"KONVENIENCE!"

Zog yeah!

>>5181937
Paint devilfish and hammerhad pink
Pink is da best for sneeking or 'av you lot eva seen a pink ork?

>>5181962

You tell Gorgash ta make one of dem DEVILFISH a handsome suit of armor for da stompiest boyz! PROMOTIONS!

You, however, decide that the Crisis Suit is all yourz. You tell Gorgash dat when hez done wit da Nob Suits he can convert da Crisis Thingie into yer own personal WARBOSS JETSUIT

>>5181960

OH SHIT

You grab one of da Tau Boyz rifles and aim up. Dese things are super accurate and have long range, right? Right!

You smirk to yourself and say, "I guess you waz da fish who DIDN'T get away!" fire and miss

Damn your shitty ballistic skill! He escapes

>>5181937
>An entire armory of Tau weaponry and a handful of Markerlights
>Two Devilfish Troop Transports
>One Hammerhead Main Battle Tank
>Some Kroot Loot
turn the lights into las guns, turn the las guns into las cannons, loot that cannon from your self.

one is gork and other is mork. Fight over to see which is which.

hammer head amunition replaced with hammers and choppas.

kroot guns become nob weapons. Choppa shootas a gogo

Bodge da Krysis Battlesuit togever wif da 'eavy armor wez wearin' an' make it inter MEGA ARMOR so we can be jus' like Gazghull an' Gorgutz an' all dem uvver dead 'ard bosses

>>5181980

Roit. Find uz kommando. Give him da markerlight. Wez gonna fix dis shity balitstics skill one way or another.

>>5181987

You don't know what da zog a markerlight iz, so you just get some ASSISTANT MEKBOYZ to give em a little UMPH. Den you tell em to give da thingz MORE umph! Den dey iz a lascannon! WAAAGH

One a dem is already suits of armor for your Nobz! Oh well, you decide ta cut the remaining one in half and name each half GORK AND MORK WAAAGH

oh wait fuck

Err, moving on

No way dat Hamma 'ead iz right shooty! You take off da gun and put it on da BATTLEWAGON! Da BATTLEWAGON is now a HAMMERHEAD BATTLEWAGON WAAAAGH

Da Kroot Loot is distributed amongst your Nobz. Dese Krootz iz stylish!

>>5181997

Oi your Krysis Warboss suit iz da stompiest dere waz! And more dan dat, you can fly wit it too! SOULJAH BOY SUPAMAN WAAAAAAAAAGH

>>5181980

>Damn your shitty ballistic skill!

Aaaagh me 'ead 'urtz

Wait... I fink... I fink I'm gettin' a...

BOSS! I got anuvver idea dat'z almost as clever as me dakkagob idea! wot if yer took da scopey bitz an' da aimey gubbinz from da tau boy shootas an' got Gorgash ter bodge togevver a Gitfinda like dem flash gitz use? Den you can shoot more acc'ritly an' ya can even make da Gitfinda look like a right orky pair of SUNGLASSEZ so everyone knows you is da shit

>>5181093
Why ain't I'z foitin? Muckin' about is for punies and humies!

I go start a foit.

>>5182007
>>5182034

You pat Gorgash on da back for a good idea and tell him to UN-UMPH da lascannon

YOU NOW HAVE MORE MARKERLIGHTZ AGAIN

Now if you saw dem Tau Boyz do dis right...

You put da markerlights on da Tau Gunz. To try it out, you shoot at a tree a long wayz away

YOU HIT! WAAAAAAAAGH

Distribute dese amongst da boyz, you say.

"Oh, and one last thing," you say, applying your new Markerlight Sunglasses "... make it Orky!"

>>5181980
>devilfish
>suit

mind fucking blown

jet suit complete, now lets fight da UMIE POWAR

>>5182058

Den you punch da nearest git as hard as ya can. 'Is 'ead asplodes and da otha boyz start laughin

AWRIGHT AWRIGHT ENOUGH MUKKIN ABOUT! TIME WE SHOWED DEM HUMIES WHO WUZ BOSS!

You and da boyz load up on da HAMMERHEAD BATTLE WAGON. Gorgash, in his infinite Orky wisdom, had applied both the KONVENIENT ROKKITS and the Devilfish Hovering system!

YOUR HAMMERHEAD BATTLE WAGON CAN NOW FLY!

ON TO DA HUMIE CAMP! WAAAAAAAAAAGH

>>5182069

YOU IZ DA STOMPIEST! WAAAAAAAAAAAAGH

>Oi your Krysis Warboss suit iz da stompiest dere waz! And more dan dat, you can fly wit it too!
>Da BATTLEWAGON is now a HAMMERHEAD BATTLEWAGON WAAAAGH
>"Oh, and one last thing," you say, applying your new Markerlight Sunglasses "... make it Orky!"

Dis is it. Dis is da Orkiest fing ever.

>>5182084

WAAAAAAAHG! We is da baddest mother krumping orkz what eva WAAAAHG'd!

oy! WHEREZ OUR GUITAR!?

>YOUR HAMMERHEAD BATTLE WAGON CAN NOW FLY!

NEVAMIND IT JUST GOT ORKIER

Dis is so Orky, if dis gets any Orkier I fink I'm gonna 'eadbang

>>5182069

>>5182102

Az your FLYING HAMMERHEAD BATTLE WAGON soars through da sky, you use your JET BACK to fly ahead, your MIGHTY ORKISH DRILL pointed to the heavens

"Oi! Boyz! See dis 'ere drill? Dis drill is our drill! Dis drill suitz us cuz it be our WAAAAGH! Gork and Mork chose me as da BIGGEST AND DA BADDEST! DIS DRILL WILL PIERCE DA HEAVENS AND WAAAGH US UP BEYOND! WAAAAAAAAAAAAGH"

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH

Den you take out a guitar made from a TAU BODY and ROCK DA FUCK OUT

>>5182126

We needz a Weirdboy fer all da zappin' an' crazy shit. Den we needz ta SHOOT DA WEIRDBOY OUT OF DA 'UMIE KANNON so dat he can shoot zzzappy fingz and 'eadbangz at all da 'umiez while he's flyin' ova dem.

I dun feel so good, boss. Me thinky-bitz hurt, and things iz burny around me sometimes.

ARCHIVE DIS NAO OR I'll KRUMP YAS GOOD

>>5182111
it's rocket treads

>>5182165

BOSS I found a Weirdboy!! Dis iz gonna be good

>>5182161

Hmmm... but where to find Weirdboyz at a time like--

>>5182165

Oi! You dere! Wutz your name?

The confused Ork stammers nervously. "M-me? Me name iz RAMBLOK DA ZAPPA"

Another fitting title

You appoint Ramblok as your chief Weirdboy and ta start makin fings ZAPPY

You sniff the air. You smell manflesh! Da humies is near!

"I hope deyz have rezervations" you say with a smirk "Cuz dey iz about ta get SERVED"

>>5182174

headexplosion.png

>>5182174
Retarded dinosaurs guy, is that you?

>>5182174

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH

>>5182126
>>5182126
you beautiful bastard

>>5182194
no, this is my first drawfaggotry

it shows unfortunately

>>5182187
humies near?

ohboyohboy.jpg

>>5182187

ROIT! LAND DA WAGON ROIT ON DA UMIES!

Sorry for the delay I had to take a massive dump

>>5182255

ZOG YEAH WAAAAGH

Now then

Your FLYING HAMMERHEAD BATTLE WAGON loomz over 'eah da humie camp like some ominous cloud a hatred

Dey look like dem ULTRAMARINEZ BOYZ dat you always 'ear so much about back at ya METAL HUT

Bunch a pushoverz

With a mighty WAAAAAAAAAAAAGH your wagon plummets from the sky, firing all batteries at once before the ULTRAMARINEZ can even return fire

Da Humie Cannon firez all da Tau Boyz as it can, one a dem even decapitatin a big black marine wit a skull for a face

Right az da humies iz about to fight back, da BATTLE WAGON crashes directly into da humie fortress, stickin outta one of da buildins wit all gunz still firin

You grab your boyz and tell em ta GET STUCK IN cuz ITS TIME TA GET STOMPIN

You, Gorgash, and a squad of hand picked Nobz flood into da courtyard while your boyz is runnin around gettin in all kindz a scrapz.

What now?

>>5182187
Waaagh-ga Burna!

>>5182367
Find some 'ummies with da flashy knifes.
kill ummies
take sparky knifes
upgrade klaw

>>5182367

GET KRUMPIN! FIND DA BIGGEST, KRUMP HIM GOOD! WAAAAAAAAAAGH!

>>5182392

Da first ting you see iz a some humies wavin around da sparky knives like dey waz big and bad or somefink

You fly over to dem wit your JETPACK and krump em up good wit your claw and MIGHTY DRILL

You look at their dismembered corpses and laugh to yourself. "Lookz loik deyz all broken up over dis"

Gorgash sighs at your awful joke

YOUR KLAW NOW HAS SPARKY KNIVES

YOU IS GETTIN BIGGER AND BADDER AS DA DAY GOES

>>5182394

You look around some more and see dis big humie wearin da Term'ator arma and wavin around dis big hamma

You fink it's time ta introduce 'im to your new klaw!

But before you and your nobs can advance, one a dem Dreadnaughts steps in front of ya

"HALT FOUL GREENSKIN, IN THE NAME OF THE EMPEROR" it bellows

Zog!

DAT UMIE DREAD IS ASKIN TER BE MADE INTA MEGA ARMOR FOR DA NOBZ

Use da drill an' da klaw on da face-lookin' fing on da front, Killa Kanz got grotz in 'em, maybe some kinda grotty 'umie fing is in dis dread.

An' wotz wrong wif Gorgash, 'e's bein' roight sissy 'ee is, wif da sighs everywhere like a elfy git

Iez like to singa
Abot ma choppy
An ma shoota
An ma squigga

>>5182450

You walk up to the Dread and wit your mighty DRILL and klaw you open ad front up like a can of sardinez

Inside iz some kinda skelyton fing

You grab it and toss it behind you, more interested in whateva git is drivin da damn thing, but dont find anyone

Oh well must a been remote controlled

You decide to climb in. Itz a tight squeeze what with your Krysis Suit armor, but after punching it enough you are able to fit

YOU NOW HAVE A DREADNAUGHT KRYSIS SUIT HYRBID ARMOR

YOU ARE REALLY BIG

You turn to da humie leader and stomp towards 'im. He doesnt recognize you cuz you iz in one a his boyz' suits, and da dome git is just shootin boyz left an right.

"'Ey humie," you say whilst removin your sunglasses with da dreadnaught powa fist "Dis bud's for you!"

With that confusing one liner, you smash da humie so 'ard 'is body goes into da ground. You can still see da top of 'is 'ead stickin out of da ground, and you take 'is GOLDEN WREATH and place it upon your own

YOU ARE NOW SANCTIFIED AS WELL AS BEING BIG

>>5182509
Use the dreads burna to roast you some ummies

Order Gorgash to take da umies tele'porta and fix it to your arma

>>5182509

ZOG YEAH

Yell out "I'S DA BIGGEST AN' DAT MEANS I'S DA EMPRAH, all youse Ultragits is part of me WAAAAGH now!"

Also dose golden skullz on dat new mega armor is dead orky, but dey would be MORE dead orky if dey was GOLDEN SKULLZ WIF IRON GOBZ

OY! DIS FLOWCHART TELLZ YA WHAT TO DO!

>>5182392
>>5182434
Zelda "get" music

>>5182518

You roast some humies wit ya new burna. Dis is great fun, but da humies is runnin out. Da fight is almost over roight when it waz gettin fun!

>>5182528

You go up to some boyz who iz mukkin about instead a foightin and grab dey gobs roight outta dey moufs. Wit much skill you slap dem badboys on da skullz on da new megaarmor. WAAAGH

>>5182538

You have da boyz line up da survivin humies, and stand in front a dem like da Boss you iz

LISTEN UP YA GITS, IM DA EMPRAH AND YOUZ GONNA LISTEN TO ME NOW, YA GOT IT?

"Foul beast," rages one of da blue marine boyz "We will never follow you! We will never surrender!"

With a quick motion you swing your klaw at da git. 'Is 'ead goes flyin off.

You take off your sunglasses cooly as you say "I guess he lost 'iz 'ead, didn't he?"

You immediately put your sunglasses on for future oneliners

You then smash da rest of da humiez cuz fuck dem

ITS TIME FOR LOOTIN

>>5181093

I obey the dog.

pant it red so it goes fast.

>>5182509

>>5182590

LOOTIN! WAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

>>5182509

Your WAAAGH iz da best WAAAGH on da planet

Da ROCKAROLLAZ iz da BEST DERE IZ and you are DERE BOSS

As you and da boyz are lootin, you realize, with Orky instincts, that dere be otha planets to stomp around on out dere in dat big black thing wit white dotz

But how...

Gorgash asks for your attention and says he found sumfin really ballz deep

You follow your trusted Mekboy into da big underground hangar of da humie base and to your amazement you see da biggest flyin' trukk you've evar 'eard of. It's at least da size of dis fortress and another fortress put together!

You immediately tell Gorgash to hook it up to da FLYING HAMMERHEAD BATTLE WAGON. You and da boyz are gonna PIERCE DA HEAVANZ
And thats all for tonight. I am shit tired and I seriously can't write these without a steady supply of booze. I will continue the adventure of Warlord Bowie some other day

thanks again to /tg/ for dis WAAAGH, and for that friendly drawfag who iz so great <3

>>5182645
>>5182668

HUNNGGGHH

I love drawfaggotry

Oh fuck it, I can't even keep up with how goddamn awesome this Ork is.

drawfag here.

thank you Boss Bowie.

>>5182645
>>5182696
damn I forgot the damn drill!!!

>>5182696

I went through all the trouble of drawing him and trying to keep up with the thread only to have him stuff his armored ass inside of a dreadnought.

>>5182674

Good night, my Emprah, and God bless.

>>5182733
GODFUCKINGDAMMIT
Just when this was getting good..

Fuck I'm so far behind. Rokk on, Emprah.

This is amazing. <3

Someone archive it please.

>>5183458
Can do

>LISTEN UP YA GITS, IM DA EMPRAH AND YOUZ GONNA LISTEN TO ME NOW, YA GOT IT?

>"Foul beast," rages one of da blue marine boyz "We will never follow you! We will never surrender!"

>With a quick motion you swing your klaw at da git. 'Is 'ead goes flyin off.

>You take off your sunglasses cooly as you say "I guess he lost 'iz 'ead, didn't he?"

>You immediately put your sunglasses on for future oneliners

>You then smash da rest of da humiez cuz fuck dem

>ITS TIME FOR LOOTIN

I lol'd so fucking hard