Is this stories where the poster DMed or where they were the players?

>>5207708
Original map making process, do not steal.

Since this is an epic character thread, would anyone care to hear the bobacide story I promised to tell but was too tired to actually do it?

>>5207716

both

>>5207756

OP here, please do tell uncle W.

>>5207756

Nope, get the fuck out. No one wants to hear your shitty stories.


...do you really need to ask, WW? STORY TIME NAO

bump for wateland warrior

>>5207793

wasteland, I mean, mah brain is hulf working

HOLY SHIT A WASTELAND WARRIOR STORY THREAD!

Allright, here goes.

The dm decided that instead of having an original story the players would just be part of the cannon star wars universe, only he would modify the story as he saw fit. We started out in episode 1 and we were told that in between episodes 3 and 4 we could decide to be the children of our previous characters or something to the effect. I started up as a bounty hunter, who's tactics were too use his jet pack to get into a good position and then fire away. I was accompanied by a twilek trap, a wookie jedi, one of the things greedo was type jedi, a human jedi and a jawa smuggler. The party started up on Naboo, to aid Qui gonn and Obi Wann in their negotiations, I missed a session so I ended up joining right after the rest of the party made planetfall. The dm was thinking up a reason for my character to be there and I offered up the excuse that my character was a war time profiteer and had arrived on a the hopes that some shit was going to go down between the trade federation and the naboo government. At this time the guy who played the twilek came in, rolled up another bounty hunter, but described his character as a "Slim, good looking Twilek who dresses provocatively, and always makes sure to be as close as possible to whomever she's speaking with" (despite how creepy this sounds, it ended up working and was a big plot twist halfway through.) The dm decided that me and his character were partners in crime, and it was settled at that. While Qui Gonn and Obi Wan were dealing with the gungans, we were busy trying to jack a trade federation ship so we could move about without undue scrutiny.

*is listening intently*

>>5207818
Skeptical due to the premise, but it's WW so I guess I'm not sleeping tonight.

We end up getting aboard one of the big troop transports and hiding out till it hit the capital city. We removed the powercells from all the droids so they wouldn't shoot us on site, and I took as many blasters as I could get my hands on (if the goody two shoes jedi were going to shoehorn me into their goody two shoeing I was resolved to make as much money out of it as possible.) And we made our way to the palace. On the way we encountered the jawa, whose ship had been knocked out of the sky by droid AA fire, and was know penniles and alone in a warzone. i resolved to use him to jack a ship and try to fly through the blockade, and the rest of the party agreed, as long as we linked up with Qui gonn and Obi wan first. We met up with them, fought our way to a hanger and managed to make our way to the hanger and steal the chrome luxury cruiser they used in the movie. The dm had the jawa pilot it and had him make some rolls to escape all the gunfire. I figured he would eventually fail one and that would mean we would have to land on a nearby planet, and thus continue on with the story. The little bastard rolled nothing but boxcars and we managed to get out without a scratch, but without missing a beat the DM told us that the ship didn't properly refuel prior to take off, and now we needed fuel. So we landed on the closest safe planet, which happened to be Tatooine.

>twilek trap

I like where this is going

>>5207887
>>and I took as many blasters as I could get my hands on (if the goody two shoes jedi were going to shoehorn me into their goody two shoeing I was resolved to make as much money out of it as possible.)

You're writing the plot for Darths and Droids, I'm sure of it.

Qui Gonn and Obi Wan took the handmaiden to go look for fuel, and I left the ship to find someone who would buy my big burlap sack full of blasters. Since I didn't wait for the ship to land (jetpack) I was able to hit the town before the jedi could yell at me for selling stolen arms (which I guess was bad.) The first shop i walk into just so happens to be the one where Anakin worked, and Watto wouldn't give me a good price on the guns, so I bartered with him, rolled well, and ended up leaving with a brand new slave boy. I ran into the jedi on the way out and told them that I bought a child. For a while the DM was pondering how this was affecting the storyline, but I decided not to be a cock and gave the boy his freedom, because it was the right thing to do (and because the blasters were pretty much free, so no big loss.) He invited us to stay at his ma's place, and we all had dinner. The handmaiden brought up that we needed money for fuel, and the kid said he was a podracer, and that he would race for us so to pay us back for freeing him. The trap immediately said that it was far too dangerous, and that he would get us the money. He and the DM left the room and came in a bout 20 minutes later, and told us the twilek managed to find someone who would donate the fuel we needed. At the end of it all I found out he seduced the owner of the space port, then revealed that he was a dude and told the owner that he would tell everyone he knew about it if he didn't give us the fuel. With a random act of kindness and a random act of sluttery we managed to cut about half an hour out of the phantom menace.

bump for WW

>>5207947
I'd watch this movie sooner then I'd watch Phantom Menace.

Warriors come out and play!

>>5207708
>>5207718
Where you can get sum maps like this?

So Darth Maul shows up, and light sabers the shit out of us. Qui gonn comes in to hold him off so we can make our escape, only to have the DM reveal another sith accompanying him and fucking up our preconcieved notions of how the movies went down. The wookie jedi got his foot cut off and went down, howling with pain. I decided that I wanted to be the hero and grabbed his lightsaber, set my jetpack's speed to "reckless" and lunged at the second sith warrior, and was promptly rewarded with two missing eyes and arm. The trap dragged me off to safety while the other two jedi finished the second sith off (I like to think the bounty hunter's brave distraction gave them the edge) The trap took care of me and his character got all affectionate. I was a little creeped out at first but then I figured it was just a game and played along, after all the description of his character was pretty hot and he drew up a very good looking character portrait. We get to Coruscant and I am rewarded with brand new Bionics. I decided that up close was too dangerous for me and I decided to buy the largest and most impressive slug thrower I could get my hands on, put a scope on it, and spend the rest of combat as far away from light sabers as possible.

>slug thrower
I remember a WotC forum post of a guy asking if he could load his slug thrower with chunks of cortosis, and if he managed to hit the Siths Con HP or if the Sith tried to deflect it with the saber, it would switch off

The queen gets a wild hair up her ass to return to naboo to be with her people/lead an uprising. Since my character had experience with guerrilla warfare he was hired on to assist in fermenting a rebellion. We get back on the planet, and the rest pretty much goes down exactly like the movies, only with me jacking a trade federation supply ship, loading it full of those weird gungan bombs and hitting the autopilot to take it back to the control ship, with a bomb set to go off when it arrives. Without the droids (many of whom had mysteriously lost their weaponry) the trade federation surrendered, and naboo was saved.

>>5208082

Cortosis kind of seems like a deus ex machina from hell. What's the bloody point of lightsabers if any douchebag with enough credits can just start melting the shit up into hollow point jedi-snuffers?

>>5208024

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/4046947

/http://forum.cartographersguild.com/showthread.php?t=4084

>>5208035

AWESOME

So superior to Episode 1 it hurts.

>>5208105
bump for more?

>>5208114

There was also Mandalorian Iron, HEAVILY resistant to lightsaber damage.

After the first couple of sessions, we fast forward a couple of years, to episode 2. The party has assembled to meet the queen as she gets out of her ship. Instead of it exploding sniper fire hits the queen's bodyguard and we are pinned down. I manage to jump to a better position, and start manage to plug the sniper. The guard stands up and trys to stab the queen, only to be stopped by the jedi. Turned out the sniper was some sort of security agent, and I had just killed an agent of the republic. I was promptly arrested by two more agents, but they assumed I would go quietly, which I did not. I dropped a flash bomb and jumped out a window, before jet packing my way to safety. The rest of the party was told to track down whoever hired the guard to stab the queen, and to bring me in for questioning quietly. I was hiding out in a bar in the slums when the party arrived, having received a tip about a shape shifter assassin who was sighted (how do you recognize a shapeshifter?) in the area. The twilek spotted me and snuck away from the group, and told me what was happening. I saw the shapeshifter inching forward to shank one of the jedi and I tackled him to the ground and roughed it up. The party stared at me quizically and I discretely put a knife to the shapeshifter's spine and told it to tell the party that it shot the agent while impersonating me. They didn't buy the story but they couldn't roll high enough with their jedi powers to cut through my bullshit, so I got away with it. We took the assassin outside and it got darted in the neck. I caught a glimpse of the person who killed it, and wanted his armor. Jengo Fett's armor became my character's white whale, he would possess it, or he would die trying.

The party sets out to investigate seditious plots on naboo (I wanted to go with Obi Wan, so i could get a hold on that armor but I didn't want to be a chud so i went along with the main group.) As soon as we land we are attacked by twenty men, led by a sith with a pair of lightsabers and riding a hoverboard. I did the manly thing and hid in the rafters of the hanger while the party fought the sith. Once he used up all of his dice for dodging and deflecting I shot him in the head, coating the rest of the party with brain and skull fragments. We rifled through his possesions (and his hoerboard went missing, imagine that) and we found the map to a mine, hidden in the swamps of naboo. We made our way to the mine and found it was full of the crystals the jedi used to make lightsabers. We also found the wookie's foot, which was pickled as a trophy. I took a big bite out of it and promptly vomited copiously, but then claimed that I had absorbed the wookie's power by eating of his flesh, even though the chunk of foot was visible on the ground along with my vomit. The mine was being run by geonesisians, and we decided to head to their home planet to investigate. We landed on the planet and the trap and I went off to scout ahead. The trap then makes sure that we are alone and tells me that he wants to talk to me about something very important if our characters are going to remain close. Before he can say anything a gun is pointed at our heads and we are told not to move. Jengo Fett got the drop on us, made us drop our weapons and knocked us out.

>Jengo Fett's armor became my character's white whale, he would possess it, or he would die trying.

I wish for George Lucas to die, and for you to write the reimagined Star Wars

>>5208296

What was the wookiee's reaction to your biting his severed foot?

>>5208296
KEEP.

GOING.

FAGGOT.

I woke up in a coliseum, tied to a post with amidala, Anakin and the rest of the party. Count Duku tried to turn Anakin to the dark side and during his evil villain monologue I interrupted him and said that i owned Anakin, and if he wanted him he would have to take me. He ignored me and told Anakin that he would spare him if he joined his side. Anakin predictably said no, and I started to say that I would gladly join the seperatists if it he would spare me. He whispered something to the man next to him and a minute later I was cut down and led to a door. Unfortunately, the fuel lines to my jet pack were cut and the door opened to reveal the giant monsters from the movie. I ran away and screamed "Save me Anakin, your master demands it" Eventually the clones and the other jedi arrived and we were saved, and I found Jengo Fett's corpse. While Boba was mourning it I told the little brat to piss off (didn't know in character who the kid was) and proceeded to strip the body clean while he watched, grief stricken. The armor was all busted up, but I managed to collect all of it and repair my jetpack and refuel it.

>>5208351

Anger at the perceived insult to his honor, I was playing a scoundrel though and the jedi were all into playing upright citizens.

All Star Wars game should treat this story as canon:

Yub Jub Means "Devour the Weak"
http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2009/6/2mcardle.html

We board a transport to try and catch count Dooku. WE get hit and Amidala falls off, along with my brand new armor. I jump down to retrieve it, and escort the queen... I guess. I missed the epic battle between the jedi and arrive to see Count Dooku walking off to get on his ship. I figure, what the hell, and fire with my brand new laser pistols. Despite being a powerful sith, he manages to not see the shot coming (DM rolled straight 1s and 2s on a pile of dice) and I ended up smacking him right in the ass, causing him to limp for the rest of his days.

>>5208465
Goddamn fantastic.

don't mind me, I'm just bumpan

When we got back to Coruscant, I immiediately set upon getting the armor up to its original specs, but all I could do was get it up to half of its full power with some modification (I ended up pretty much with what Boba Fett would have been running around in had I not stripped his father's corpse bare.) In order to get it working though, i needed to pick up some special parts that were extremely rare. I was approached by a man in a dark cloak who told me if I delivered a small package to his associate, I would be compensated with the parts to repair the armor. He gives me the package, and when I run into the party they inform me that they are going on a mission to a planet to try and track down count dooku. By a happy coincidence, it was the same planet I had been instructed to go to. The greedo type Jedi was suspicious of me, and planted the suggestion that he the party should go along with me when I went on my business. I walked right up to shady mcobvious sith, and handed him the package, which was schematics for a giant orb shaped superweapon, and he handed the over parts to repair the armor and, as a token of his esteem, a red bladed lightsaber. The rest of the party attacked and I did the heroic and manly thing, I jetpacked out of getting killed range and went back to the ship to work on the armor. When I was done i had a hand held repeating blaster with a lightsaber bayonett, and some salvaged mandalorian battle armor. The rest of the party came in and started to ask me why i was trafficking with the sith, but my greed had effectively blinded me so their force powers did nothing. The footless wookie was enraged at my betrayel and attacked, but I managed IN DEFIANCE OF THE GODS OF PROBABILITY to take off his other foot with my evil sith lightsaber bayonet. The trap convinced everyone to calm down, which worked untill I decided to be an ass and shot up the foot so it couldn't be reattached. Then I jetpacked away to safety.

What was used to make these maps?

>>5208547
Keep going man, your story is made of godly win.

>What was used to make these maps?

>http://forum.cartographersguild.com/showthread.php?t=4084

The trap finds me and has a heart to heart with me about how I am starting to run with a crowd that "she" can't be a part of, and that I mean to much to "her" to just let me go. I tell "her" I will try to stay on the straight and narrow, and "she" starts getting ready for the big reveal when suddenly EXPLOSIONS and DROIDS everywhere. The separatists were invading the planet and we had to get out. We jetpacked back to the ship and held off the droids long enough for the rest of the party to get in and fly us home. We then started doing seek and destroy missions to recover the data I had given up, but we never found it. We were recalled back to coruscant to attack the separatist's command ship to rescue the Chancellor.
We hack and slash our way through the ship and then make it to the observation deck, where Dooku and Anakin are fighting. We start fighting off those wierd droids with the staffs and I get the great idea to fire a shot off at Dooku. Once again the dice are with me, and the shot flies true, straight into his ass.

>>5208623
oh god win. ass-shotted Dooku twice.

Dooku goes down, Anakin chops off the head, and the story progressed along where the movie went and the party elected to assist Oregana start the rebellion. A few sessions would pass with us doing generally sneaky shit untill one session where my past came back to bite me in the ass.

It had been about 4 years since the events of revenge of the sith, and finally, me and the trap were alone. The trap finally revealed that he was a man all along, and that he pretended to be a girl because there is far more demand for twilek slavegirls then slaveboys, and he would never have been able to escape the slavers if he didn't disguise himself. He said he loved my character, but was afraid that after years of being lied to, I wouldn't be able to trust him enough to return the love. He knew my character wasn't gay, and said that he would settle for being "just friends" as long as I didn't hate him for deceiving me. I sighed, took a bracing shot of whatever the hell they drink in the star wars universe and told him to go to town on me. We then had hot, passionate awkward gay sex. I figured it didn't matter if it was gay, we both loved each other and that was the important thing. Besides, if you didn't count the dick, he was a pretty good looking chick. Later that day we were out on patrol, when some smug ass punk rolls up on us in some brand spanking new mandalorian armor and tells me that I killed his father.

GOD DAMMIT WASTELAND WARRIOR I HAVE WORK TOMORROW! I'M SUPPOSED TO BE SLEEPING NOW! FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

OHMYGOD! It's Uncle Double-W! Happy days and jubilations!

Please continue, Revered One.

>>5208711
you killed my father.
Prepare to die.

>>5208711
Gay alien love. A fa/tg/uy rite of passage.

He goes on and on about how he has been tracking me down, and how he is going to utterly destroy me. I respond by dropping my weapons, and telling him that I just had wierd gay sex with someone I thought was a woman for damn near 20 years, and that nothing he could do would phase me. Then I lunged at him and grappled him to the ground. The fight lasted a couple dozen rounds before he knocked me over and grabbed his gun off the ground. He fired at my head, but the armor held firm. I rolled over and knocked him out. Then I grabbed my entrenching tool and vented the sexual confusion and rage by bashing his head in.

The most badass bounty hunter in the galaxy got beaten to death with a shovel wielded by a middle aged man with rapidly developing gender role confusion issues and a sore anus.

>>5208776
...
......
......... I don't know what to say. Words fail me.

>>5208776
Just as planned . . .?

>>5208776

The trap as on top? That's fucked.

>Besides, if you didn't count the dick, he was a pretty good looking chick

my personal motto

>>5208776
>>The most badass bounty hunter in the galaxy got beaten to death with a shovel wielded by a middle aged man with rapidly developing gender role confusion issues and a sore anus while wearing his daddy's armor.

Added that last part in for you, if that didn't leave ol' Bobba completely FUCKED in the head I don't know what will.

>>5208776
Best mid-life crisis ever.

At this point, the guy who was playing the Greedo type alien, starts weeping and runs out of the store. He had damn near every star wars book known to man, and collected enough boba fett memorabilia to open a museum. I never expected a 20 year old man to do that, but he shattered my expectations of what I assumed were the depths of fandom. In his defense, it would sort of be like if someone went back in time and made a filmed himself having rough anal sex with Jesus on the cross and then showing it to Mel Gibson.

No parts of the rest of the game managed to be as awesome as that, so I'll end here. I hope yall liked the the tale of Boba Fett's death coupled with sexual awkwardness.

On an unrelated note, If anyone knows where to game in Las Vegas, I would be eternally grateful (which means grateful enough to buy a case of cheap domestic beer) if you could point me in the right direction. My email address is in the Kjellmir thread.

>>5208711
I hope you shot him in the ass.

>We then had hot, passionate awkward gay sex.

Can't. Stop. Laughing. Need. Aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiir!

>>5208833
>>[end]
Hey, I will be getting SOME sleep tonight! Thanks Uncle WW!

>>5208833
>filmed himself having rough anal sex with Jesus on the cross and then showing it to Mel Gibson.

You mean before he became a scientologist. Which, in and of itself, makes me laugh my ass off.

>>5208833
moar stories?
please?

>>5208833
I love you.

You keep me up for three hours longer than I wanted to be awake but I love you anyway.

>>5208833
>In his defense, it would sort of be like if someone went back in time and made a filmed himself having rough anal sex with Jesus on the cross and then showing it to Mel Gibson.

Didn't Mel Gibson MAKE that movie?

>>5208860

I need sleep, if you are desperate for a story, hit the email address. And when I have free time I will tell one, the only thing I ask is that credit is given should you decide to repost it on /tg/

>>5208898
You're going to get ~400 e-mails before noon tomorrow now. I hope you realize this.

>>5208898
Okay <3

>>5208905

actually, since its been up i've got a grand total of 3

>>5208930
I suspect that Anon respects those worthy of Anon's respect. And seeing as your eMail address is burried in a thread full of your awesomeness...

This thread makes me happy. I swear on whatever holy book you can imagine that if I ever make a movie, it'll be that. It will have the pickled foot, the awkward Twilek sex, the ass shots, everything.

>>5208930
Expect a fourth when I get up in the morning then.

Also: someone should archive this thread. I would but sleep calls me and sleep's lookin' like a sexy bitch right now.

>>5208833
FUCK YES, YOU ARE THE BEST STAR WARS EVER.

Now isn't that a better story, and a glorious death in combat for an untrained bounty hunter? It certainly beats the hell out of being drunk and falling into the sarlaac pit.

If you'll excuse me, I'm going to show this thread to George Lucas so he can have an aneurysm, and then I shall dance on his grave.

>>5208833
...
...
...
Holy. Fuck.

Did these sessions continue? How different did the end of episode 6 turn out?

P.S. Do you mind if I steal the idea of a Mandalorian-armor wearing badass mercenary with a lightsaber bayonet?

Amazing

>>5209001

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/5207708/

done. It might be a short thread but sure is worthy

Just a quick bump so people who went to bed mid-thread can come back to it.

>>5210741
Just a quick sage so the frontpage stays covered in truly /tg/ related material, monstergirls, dragon porn and 40k

>>5208114
>>Cortosis kind of seems like a deus ex machina from hell. What's the bloody point of lightsabers if any douchebag with enough credits can just start melting the shit up into hollow point jedi-snuffers?

Cortorsis is very very rare. Can't deflect blaster bolts. Can't cut through virtually anything. Isn't easy to conceal.

Lightsabers can/are.