You may offer me many things, and I intend to accept.

Your death.

You said dong.

//w-wait... is she sensible?
depending on your answer, my answer will change also...

Only if those hands come in.... hand types.

A new reasonable daemonette

I am willing to sell my soul.

id like to give you a rape, and not get raped plz

>>5352392

Cannot unsee package in skirt.

Your phone number and to let me get some coffee with you.

What are you offering?
Can it be you?
Can it NOT be a lobster-claw handjob?

I´ll take the COCAINE please.

hmm, perhaps.

...got any lovecraft books?.

Only if you are selling girl scout cookies.

If not, go away.

>>5352392
BONERRRRRRRRRR

...sry bout that

>>5352420
Oh, DAMN! I missed that!
Is that what she's offering? I'll take that.

good 40k lore

>>5352392

"Why yes... you, over that table. Now."

>>5352392
Perhaps miss, what is it you wish to offer me? Tell you what, I've got time to burn, come on in, it's late and you've must have been busy for quite a while now. How about a nice cup of coffee or tea? Ah yes, I was just having dinner, there are some leftove-

Ahem, perhaps I am acting inappropriately, my apologies, the Emperor always says you must be kind to your fellow human visitors, I sometimes overdo it a tad. Now what was it that you wanted to say?

WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?

>>5352535
Do you have a counter offer?

Heresy!!

Dat Draenei chick was already thru here lady.

By the way could I bum a cig?

SILENCE, WHORE! Quickly!, into my closet before somebody sees a slut like you hanging around my place...

Many believe Slaanesh is only for the biggest, baddest depraved. This just isn't true.

While the usual irremediable pervert is Slaanesh main public, we care about all of you. From the biggest /b/tard to the pious workman who just want to wank to some softcore.

But before we go on, please allow me to give you a small sample of our products.

Indeed. There's something I've been wanting to ask for. go change into something that makes you look like an actual salesgirl rather than a themed prostitute, and we'll talk.

Man.

Cincinnati has just gone all to hell today.

What the hell is going on?

>>5352545
NO. NOW GET OFF MY LAWN. DISTURB MY PRAYER AGAIN AND I'LL SHOW YOU WHY THE INQUISITION IS ON MY SPEED DIAL.

>>5352582
Oh please. Take your time. In fact, tell me more. Do you have a newsletter I can subscribe to?

Please choose.

I said I wanted a cig not produces.

*muffled scream in background*

Say could we get this over with? I'm kinda busy tonight.

>>5352582

DRUGS!

>>5352410
I don't think it's actually possible to rape a worshipper of Slaanesh. That implies that they did not want sex, which I think is some kind of sin.

Incidentally, if you intend to become a Slaanesh-worshiper, get used to dong in your ass.

>>5352601
BETWEEN WHAT!?
JESUS GIRL

>>5352582
id like to have sex and commit violence, but no drugs, all i need is my skub, and someone to troll

>>5352582
actually, what I really want...out of anything in the world...and I know it's stupid, but I really want to be able to enjoy barbecue the way I did as a child. When I grew up, my tastes buds changed, and it just doesn't taste RIGHT anymore, you know?

Sex.

>>5352582
You sound like a nice lot, I think the Emperor would approve. It would be my pleasure to see a product demonstration.

>>5352582
Though I'd rather just take you on a date and woo you, how about we start with sex?

>>5352582

Disappearing bra?

Do WANT

>>5352613
i dont want to worship "It" i just want to fuck the daemon.

Violence? Cant Khorne sue for copyright infringment?

>>5352638
I hope that's what she's selling!

I could really use a disappearing bra.

*more muffled screams*

No cigs huh? Fine, listen I gotta rap .. er .. I mean run. Why don't you try that St. Xaviers Church in center city? I hear they're very nice.

Say you don't happen to know anything about any more Draenei chicks canvassing this 'hood? Tell them to stop by if you see them. Thanks yer a shweeet hart there.

*SLAM*

>>5352654
>>5352638
Yo.
http://www.spike.com/blog/how-to-make-girls/84496

>>5352650
Khorne doesn't sue people, HE RIPS THEIR FUCKING HEADS OFF AND DRINKS THE BLOOD AND PUTS THEIR SKULL ON THE PILE RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>>5352654

Hopefully it's more then one use.

Or REALLY cheap.

Won't somebody think of the kids?

I'll take some delicious trap sex, if you have any.

>>5352677
Good point, how much are they?

>>5352677
im THINKING of HAVING KIDS WIT IT, if thats possible.

>>5352624
Excellent choice, this is selling a lot here lately.

Please, help me to find what choice of sex best suit your tastes.

>>5352724

I'd say... traditional?

>>5352724

What is this Bear's choice and why is it out of stock :(

Hmmm...

Why don't we go with traditional? Slaanesh surprise looks a bit too...random.

>>5352724
well... this is /traditional games/...
as tempted as i am.

>>5352724
Oh me oh my.
Could I get a Surprise, please? I'd like to get the full Slaaneshi experience.

>>5352724
Slaaneshi Surprise. And give me the biggest you've got, if you know what I mean.

>>5352747
given what I know of sexuality and the term "bears", I'm guessing a very burly, muscled man.

You may keep your sex, ma'am. All I want is my barbecue.

>>5352724

Could you get Slaanesh herself on the line? I forgot my aunt's mobile number. I'd like to ask her a question.

>>5352758
i dont think i do

Depends on what you're selling.

>>5352724
Aw, shucks ma'am, I thought you would personally demonstrate the product.

>>5352724

Well, gee, miss! I just don't know which to choose! Maybe if you gave me a short demonstration of each, I'd have a good working knowledge of the kinds of things Slaanesh can offer.

Sure, let me look at your catalo- ARRRAGHA;GHAS;DLH

>>5352724

Do you have any combo specials? Such as Twins?

I'm feeling enthusiastically faithful today.
Can I snort some coke off my Surprise's ass first?

>>5352724
I'll take a Slaaneshi surprise if you'd please. Can I get a bundle deal with a traditional? Who would I talk to regarding the establishment of a harem?

Wait a second...isn't this the nerfnow guy? You better be doing an xcom arc.

>>5352863
Oh, shit, the warp overtook Dave, RUN...
or, maybe, peruse for 5 more minutes, then run.

I vote surprise. Never know what you'll get!

>>5352891
Yes, and no, respectively.

Now, salesgirl. Do I get my barbecue, or do you get booted out on your ass? You know you have enough padding so it won't hurt.

It's a shame the salesgirl isn't an option.

:I

>>5352547
Who draws that stuff :( it seems like it would make a nice comic.

>>5352746
>>5352754
>>5352755
>>5352856

I hope you enjoyed your free gift from Slaanesh, but why stop with a little threat? Join Chaos today and live a fully pleasurable life!

Would you like to subscribe? Abandon the False Emperor today and get a special gift!

>>5352724
Do you sell cookies?

>>5352969

..Keep going.

>>5352969
I'd love to subscribe to chaos, where do I sign up?

>>5352969
Don't have to ask me twice.
Sign me the -fuck up.-

>>5352969
Awwwww, she got a lot less bulgy.

>>5352969
I'll do it! Hey...wait...where'd your cock go?

>>5352969
She looks hot, offer her some water to drink.

>>5352969
Hmmm... you have to turn up your sales pitch here, you might just change my mind.

>>5352969
ive seen the emprah personally. he's old but he aint no fake.

>>5352969
...so fucking tempting...
why is she so nice about it? so slow to reel me in, i was sure chaos would be the exact opposite of this....
loyalty...waning.......
uugghhhhhh

>>5352969
I'd like a blowjob demonstration and i'll join.

>>5353013
Psh like I care when there are tits like this
>>5352969
in my face.

Do I little more convincing and yeah I'll sign right up

>>5353017
I think we already had one.

>>5352969
My, that was an interesting demonstration. I must say that it has convinced me of the benefits of joining Chaos, I always wanted to serve the true Emperor, where do I sign up?

>>5352969
Could I get a sample of some hotdogging? Bend over.

>>5352969

Do I have to ditch him?

Can I just worship a corrupted of him along with slasnesh?

>>5352969
Well... I do like special gifts...

Sure. Why not?

>>5353060
>a corrupted of him
wat?

>>5353060

form of him.

sorry.

The blowjob was convincing enough...but I'll pass.

When you all get your "free gift", I'll listen for the screams, but don't expect me to help you.

GLORY TO THE GOD EMPEROR

>>5353052
fund it

>>5352969
I'm interested in my free gift. Do you need to take any further information or is my signature enough? Because I'll gladly sign as soon as I've recovered from my demonstration (daemonstration?).

>>5353087
>your screams

of pleasure?

Whatever man you're just jealous cuz your god won't let you get blowjobs.

Lady, my faith in the emperor is strong, if you could probe your blowjob skills i'll consider passing to Slaneesh

>>5353102
I'm pretty sure the Ecclesiarchy is Pro-sex, just not super crazy kill the other person sex.

>>5353102

Alright. Suuuure. You just wait.

So can I do it with you or what?

KILL THE ALIEN! BURN THE HERETIC! CLEANSE THE UNCLEAN!

Ooh, we've got a Reasonable Slaanette now?

Wait a minute...
>reasonable
>Slaanesh

DOUBLE HERESY!

>>5353150

I certainly hope I'm not the only one really hoping our special free gift is penis.

>>5353142
Yeah, are we good to go?

>>5353169
Some of us already have a penis. Or do you want another one? The things I could do, packing two pistols.

>>5353182
Didn't say I didn't have one of my own.
I just want to show my appreciation to our sales girl.

>>5352392
I LUST FOR YOUR BLOOD, SLAANESHI WHORE

Hey Jo.
Hows the comic?

>>5353182
You could pee in two directions at once!

>>5353236
Oh just think of all the uses...
because I can´t think of any

THANK YOU FOR SUBSCRIBING

Slaanesh is a growing enterprise which hope to give you a better, improved way of life.

Remember our motto: Slaanesh, with pleasure, for pleasure.

>>5353233
Who what where?

>>5353250
Oh god close the door the Nurgle woman is coming.

>>5353233
The comic had a boon.. maybe it was the daily update thing, or the kotaku link, but hits went thru the roof.

I am not complaining, so I am sharing the love.

I am doing this part to see if I can dig some new style stuff from these quick sketch things.

What a nice young lady.

>>5353250
I'm still waiting for my blowjob ladie.

>>5353250
I still didn't get my barbecue. I'm sad now.

>>5353260
The guy drawing this stuff.

What happened to the hotdogging? Do you know how many converts you would get with that?

>>5353242
Faster emptying of a bladder.
Table conversation.
Double-penetration by yourself, if they're placed right.
Pissing on two cars at once off an overpass.
There are tons. You just don't have an imagination.
Slaanesh: Praise'im!

>>5353250
Oh god what's tha sme-JESUS ITS NURGLE CLOSE THE DOOR CLOSE THE DOOR

>>5353278
What's this about a comic?

>>5353236


thanks Jo, good shit!

You know, if there -was- some chaos god, I fear I'd just committed extra heresy with this thread.

>>5353297
He has a TF2 comic. Its SFW

Also, its kinda cool you lurk here on /tg/. Knew you hung out at /co/.

I like the new style. You do plan on keeping the old characters in the new style of course, right?

>>5353286
>Pissing on two cars at once off an overpass.
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
If I ever find you, I'm cutting your dick off in my FUCKING SUNROOF.

>>5353288


What? she just wants to paint figs with you in the basement

>>5353250

>>5353322
I don't really know. I really dislike how demanding coloring is, and updating daily showed to be pretty popular ... I hope to find a middle ground

>>5353315
Nah, I'm pretty sure Slaanesh loves anybody who can give a hundred or so total strangers an erection.

Slaanesh Salesgirl is beyond adorable

http://jopereira.deviantart.com/

>>5353297
He draws a very adorable TF2 comic called nerfnow. There is no sex in it.

>>5352969

Win. Jo, I love you man.

>>5353322
Hmm, but how would Black and white keep you from drawing Pyro-guy?
If you think about it, really the only colors that matter are the team colors, and the different shades for details, like the Spy's suit.

>>5353377
Unfortunately.

>>5353324
That's fine. CAUSE I HAVE A SPARE NOW BITCH

do you have anything to combat "Crippling Loneliness"? Like love and mahlt shoops for khay-oos, and not Cenobite with a strapon?

>>5353286
Twin-Linked Penis?

dammit I want more of that salesgirl

>>5353442

yes, this

I feel obligated to advertise the sup/tg/ TF2 server after reading a few of Jo's comics.

>>5353442
>>5353469
Yes moar of her!

>>5353469
Or at least pics of the action that lead to
>>5352969

>>5353442

She has to become a recurring character at the very least

>>5353506

Slannesh salesgirl is almost as amusing a concept as Reasonable daemonette. And as hot.

>>5353506
A series of comics as she goes door to door to various places, selling her "services". That would certainly be some sexyfuntimes.

I wouldnt mind seeing the Slaaneshi Surprise.

>>5353534
Protip: her third leg is the longest.

>>5353506
>>5353516
>>5353526
>>5353534

This should become some sort of porn-ish Webcomic, or something.

>>5353406
Who is the mysterious girl who wander the boards, tending broken heart in name of Chaos?

Whenever a ronery heart beats, she may appear.

Who is she? I fear we may never know...

>>5353567
Whoever she is, she hasn't fixed the damn barbecue issue. Think Nurgle'd be more helpful?

FFFFFFUUUCK. WHERE ARE MY BERSERKER BROS? THESE FAGGOTS ARE WORSHIPPING THE WRONG GOD AND IT'S OUR JOB TO SHOW THEM THE TRUE GOD- THROUGH BLOODSHED!

>>5353567

Jo, can you post these on the DevArt?

>>5353567
Secret... SLAANESHI WOMAN!

>>5353567
someday this hero will get around to me.. and my smothering fetish...
someday...

>>5353567
Shit, there was something I was supposed to ask you. You come here regularly? I'll probably have remembered it by the next time you're back.

>>5353596
I think the one with the tit hanging out and spooge on her face would likely break the rules a bit.

>>5353596
I like my DA to be worksafe. Not because I give 2 shits about doing porn, but because people may access it from job / school and would generate problems.

Plus, it would be useless without the text and Anon contribution.

>>5353596

Or better yet, add an Adult section to Nerfnow and do a Salesgirl arc.

>>5353610
I lurk around, usually on 40k or X-com thread.

>>5353616
Well, the amount of lesbian engineers you have drawn kinda hints towards a love of drawing boobies.

>>5353645
shit son, were you just in my thread where i got smashed and asked for xcom tips?
im learning slowly....

>>5353567

Here's hoping a cute Slaaneshi is in New Jersey...

;_;

>>5353667
Where in New Jersey? Anywhere in the Atlantic City area?

>>5353617

Oh, and, since I'm mentioning Arcs, the current one has a nice feel to it, but, eh, the serious business sort of attitude isn't quite what I look for. It's really good, but I prefer comedy.

>>5353667
That's heresy, boy.

And my battle-barge is located in New Jersey, so you're out of luck.

/r/ Slaanesh Salesgirl with more obvious bulge.
Possibly alongside corset-trap Slaanesh, trying not to look jealous of the much larger bulge.
Take it or don't, but hey - it's not porn, right?

>>5352397
so long as it's not a handjob.

>>5353663

Good god, how bad are you? I got a fucking Sectoid Base Attack on the 7th day, nothing but a Rocket Tank and a few troops, and I keep getting raped by Mind Control or Cyberdicks.

My dice roll better when I praise Tzeentch.

So yeah.

>>5353250
So nurgle is the postal service?

>>5353617
Adult stuff is a no-no on Nerfnow, for lots of reasons. It's extra heretic.

You won't believe the ammount of flak artists get for exposing their erotic work. My protip? Think thrice before posting it on the internet.

>>5353683
Second.

>>5353700
yeeaaaahhh
im pretty bad, but i do believe the alcohol isnt helping, i keep running out of patience thinking there are no aliens there becaue they havnt shot at me and rounding courners too fast then gettinh blown into oblivion
NEED.... PATIENCE....

>>5353714

Be an actor, post the sexual stuff under a pseudonym and act like you're "copying" or "tracing" "Jo's" art. Then if anyone brings it up, act in fake outrage and send angry E-Mails, or something, and post pictures of it.

Remember the flak Greenhand gets for his alleged tracing on Paheal? Start that up against your Pseudonym.

Or just Rapidshare it and claim some of your "private" works were stolen, either way, some people appreciate the nude stuff, and not just for fapping.

>>5353745
My tip is

Advance with tank.
Tank detect stuff
Move the rookies and make then shoot the threat
Stop advancing the tank if the humans soldiers are lagging behind

Don't enter enemy ships. Proximity grenades on the exists, tanks on front, soldiers on side. Pass until turn 25, watch aliens die to massive reaction fire.

>>5353682

Why didn't you help when the Orks rolled through Camden County, OH servants of the Emprah? It's hell, HELL in here, living in quarantine conditions, isolated amongst lasgun factories and repair centers.. All through training, the women were all the same, stuck up fools who wanted the big, strong Ultramarines, not the "defective" guy with glasses and more brain power than some sort of battlefield pawn, If Slaanesh Loves me, than i love Slaanesh


May the emprah forgive my sad, empty heart

>>5353745
My tip is

Advance with tank.
Tank detect stuff
Move the rookies and make then shoot the threat
Stop advancing the tank if the humans soldiers are lagging behind

Don't enter enemy ships. Proximity grenades on the exists, tanks on front, soldiers on side. Pass until turn 25, watch aliens die to massive reaction fire.

Never let anyone in the line of fire of a rookie.

>>5353790

We sent the Salamanders to deal with that one.

Us Black Templars control most of northern Jersey. Anything under Mercer is out of my jurisdiction.

>>5353791
thanks! going into the notepad too... hopefully when i wake up sober ill be able to salvage this shitty drunken mission from my evil drunken clutches usng this notepad..
>>5353607
this was also me, so pass it round your friends!
being smothered in female flesh is hot! dont worry about sight or air, you wont need it where you are going!
.......
was my sales pitch ok?

>>5353858
This won't work versus aliens with mind-control thou. If you see your soldiers starting being mind-controlled, either abort mission, or kill their commanders ASAP.

I usually abort unless I have both flying suit and blaster launcher.

If you don't abort, it's a good idea to equip your weak-willed soldiers with weaker weapons like laser pistols.

>>5353886
its been duly noted. thanks.

moar Slaanesh salesgirl plz

I'm looking at you Joe.

Horus Heresy? The Emperor Mercy?
"And his great, greatsword plunged deep on my traitorous flesh"?

YES! We can do it!

>>5353617
thats what paheal is there for.

>>5354042

Well, in the least, your brought a smile to my weepy face

>>5354042

Can't..decide..if..want to purge..

>>5354042
That would even pierce the loyalist's of loyal adamantium.

>>5354042
HaHa. Nice.

DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING THAT WOULD WORK ON A THOUSAND SONS MARINE?

>>5354112

YOU.

WHAT THE HELL MAN.

>>5354129
WHAT? I NEED TO GET BACK AT RUBRIC MARINE!

>>5354139

SO DRILL A HOLE IN HIS HELMET AND POUR JELL-O IN HIM.

YOU STILL OWE ME THREE FIFTY FOR THE TIME YOU BORROWED MY BLACK SWORD.

>>5354168
BLACK SWORD? WHY WOULD I BARROW A SWORD!? I USE AXES!

UNLESS IT WAS THAT SWORD I SHOVED UP A NURGLE MARINE'S ASS, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!

>>5354201
WHY ARE WE ALL YELLING?

Is that a challenge?

>>5354129
>>5354139
>>5354168
>>5354201

Ladies and gentlemen: the comedy of a high school freshman...

>>5354201

WHAT THE FUCK MAN THOSE STAINS DONT JUST COME OUT EMPEROR DAMN IT.

FUCK.

>>5354056
/r/ING MORE LOLICRON RULE34

>>5354221
I read that in his voice. Fuck you.

oops I just ended your thread

Monstruous creature?
Invulnerability save?
Lots of wounds?
NOT A PROBLEM!

>>5354221

Who the hell are you. Do you know who I am?

>>5354216
BECAUSE WE CAN!

>>5354222
HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT YOU WOULD WANT IT BACK? JUST DIP IT IN BOILING BLOOD AND YOU'LL BE FINE!

>>5354269

As an imperial commisar I am not only given a command post far away from enemy lines but are also given access to good pay, an assistant, and a job teaching at an imperial university upon retirement not only that but am currently in a relationship with a Inquesitor. What can you offer thats better than that and wont damn me for all eternity?

>>5354281

THAT JUST MAKES THE STAIN WORSE, FUCK.

THE TECHMARINES ARE GONNA MAKE ME USE MY FUCKING CROZIUS FROM NOW ON.

>>5354269
Attach that to a seismic hammer!

>>5354269
Can you give me a sense of safety?

>>5354269

We need a series of Slaanesh Salesgirl selling sex and sex-toys to the fine men, women and monsters of the Imperium.

>>5354269

>>5354269
THAT BRINGS MEMORIES...dark memories...so dark...


I think I'm done for the night.

You're a god amongst anons, Jo. This was glorious.

>>5354306
Sure!

>>5354395
I assume that is a pillow and not her legs wrapped around her back.

Slaanesh Slaesgirl, I have to be honest here. It's going to be odd asking you this, as I'm sure that it's not a request that you get often.

I want a friend.

Someone who I can hang out with, have scintillating conversation with, and not necessarily have sex with until steam shoots out my ears.

>>5354409
Well it is Slaanesh so I wouldn't put it past her.

A completely 100% female Slaneesh.
You can't give that to me, so you lose.

>>5354409
I guess quality is going down, this signal it's time to stop.

Slaanesh Salesgirl will take some deserved rest now. She earned it.

>>5354516
She's a hard worker. I think she deserves a promotion.

>>5354526
I smirked.

>>5354526
Ok, I lol'ed. Good one Anon.

Still, I have no juice left. Sorry. Maybe next time.

>>5354516
That is one of the most amazingly expressive faces I've seen in a long time. Nice drawing, honestly.

>>5354283
Anal

>>5354594
Looking forward to it. And maybe bring some salesgirl hardcore next time around...

This thread is so much win.

>>5354647
No lobster claw handjobs, please.
>>5354516
>>5354620
He manages to do nice expressions with minimal lines. It's nifty, just to nerd out a bit. Also, d'awww + boobs.

>>5352969
>>5353250
I am interested in Slaanesh Inc. and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

>>5354662
Take a look at these:
>>5354042
>>5354269
The lobster claw seems to be an optional feature for her. Must be a slaanesh sales perk.

Jo! hey, Jo!

http://64.86.28.46/kusaba/quest/

We'd really appreciate it if you came by.

>>5354711
Maybe it is just an attention grabber? Something you take off when not needed?

reminds me of this

>>5354993

I lolled

anymore of this comic/sauce?

>>5355036
www.sinfest.net

Incredible comic. Worthy of Archive Binging.

>>5355036

sinfest.net

Protip: The comic updates daily but the colored full page strips are only on sundays

Hey wait... we signed up, where's our "special gift"? I WANT A FUCKING TOASTER!

Im sorry, im already have Khorn insurance, the price is much better

>>5355077
I daaw'd

>>5354993

you see, it's funny because union workers are lazy!

lmbo

We need more original X-com fanart!

>>5355140
> I WANT A FUCKING TOASTER!
Well, if that's your fetish, I suppose it's a good thing this is the _Slaanesh_ special...

>>5356675
Just buy one, it's slaanesh, not wal mart

>>5357515
What if it's a defiler-toaster?

It brings the toast to you!

>>5358315
More like "brings dicks-shaped toasts to put in your ass"