Rightly so! It's Sir Fucking Wiltonsonson of the noble Wiltonsonson Line

Axebeard Beardaxe

I respond, as articulately as I can, "Lol u go 2 da bar?"

No. NO! Why am I in corporeal form again? Things have gone horribly wrong!

Uhh... Captain Steven Johnson?

Crunch Buttsteak of the starship Lambast Foreskin

Well why don't you tell me yours first and we'll go from there

>>5355775
>Acceptable Designation noted.

Your voice sounds like that of an old man as you speak. "Captain... Ste...Steven... Johanson..." There's a soft whirring sound. You feel light soft air blowing over your body. Your hair stands on end as goosebumps coat the flesh the air blows over. The computers soft voice sounds approving. "Excellent Captain. You may find yourself a bit disoriented after such an extended period in stasis. Do you remember the name of our ship? Do you remember our name?"

Your mind starts wracking your brain. Trying to remember the information. You remember some tidbits. You remember the going away celebration before all of your crew logged in to stasis. Earth little more then a speck of light in the distance. "A seed ship... An entire colony...all packaged...neatly... controlled by an Ai... to find a suitable planet. Right?" The low voice gives a soft chuckle of confirmation. "That is correct captain. But do you remember my name, and the name of your ship?"

Jonathan Jones.

>>5355798
"Ship: Lambast Foreskin.

"And I don't give a shit who you are."

"It's one of ours."

Alaina for the AI and how about Aurora for the ship?

Ask the AI what would happen if I stuck my dick in the replicator

>>5355798
Hammerstash is the ships name.
QX is the AI's name.

>>5355798
Cut the crap, Twelve, I know the ship's name is "One of Ours".

>>5355798

The ship is called the Armstrong 9, and while I'm sure the AI does have a name, everyone just calls her Thunderthighs.

AI, you are Melinda, right?
This is the Salamander IV, right?
Is everything green? Have we spotted a planet with a suitable atmosphere?

>>5355818
>Acceptable Designations Noted.
>Further. Please cease the random trolling? It's not nice.

The air blowing over your skin ceases and is followed by a soft spritz of cool water. It's only as the water hit's your flesh you realize how warm you are. Reaching up with one hand slowly you rub your forhead. Finally answering the AI's question. "You're... Alaina, right? Programmed by Gerard Depardieu. He's one of the Crew, isn't he? And the ship... it's the Aurora. One of the first of the Great Seed ships." As the minutes pass you find your mind growing sharper and clearer. The stimulants in your blood activating cells that haven't been used in a very long time. At that moment it hits you exactly how long a time it's been! "wait, did you say 20,000 years?! What went wrong! ETA to the Korvis system was just over 900 years at your optimal velocity."

The AI makes a noise that you can only assume is a sigh of displeasure. "There have been some... Problems captain. As you are well aware, I am programmed with an advanced sensor system allowing me to scan planets with great accuracy as we approach them. The target destination had no atmosphere. We passed through the system on time, and closer scans confirmed. I have since been travelling as per my directive to find a suitable planet for the colonists to be awoken for. However..." Sitting up slowly, you groan with the effort, and lean forward rubbing your face. elbows on your bended knees. "However what, Alaina?" The ship makes another sound of unhappiness. "In 20,000 years our systems have failed to scan any planets that were 100% within parameters. We have had to change our parameters significantly in order to find a planet that could at least support life." You make a low growling noise but say nothing. the AI Correctly calculates your irritation at her evasion of answering and promptly complies with the implied question. ( Continued )

>>5355798
Also, my parents just HAD to be trendy and give their female kid a male name.

>>5355845
Do we have any contact with any other seed ships? What about our home planet?

"This planet was the only system within range that fit within habitable parameters. It is slightly larger then Earth standard and is 1.2G's. It has a rotation period of approximatly 31 hours and 12 minutes. It is orbiting a A stable binary star. Because of this, the planet has an average day time period of 25 hours with minimal variation. The atmosphere is breathable. There is little to no tectonic activity, and there is little to no water detected on the surface. The Ambient tempurature during 'noon' reaches at the equator 110 degrees. We are in the northern hemisphere in an optimal zone. Would you like to know more?"

>>5355845
>Gerard Depardieu
And he's in the crew? Holy shit, most awesome NPC ever.

>>5355858
"There has been no contact with the other Seed ships sir. Nor is contact with the homeplanet possible. We are 20,000 years away at approximatly .5 of C."

>>5355866
"Correct. Gerard Depardieu is a member of our crew. He is the head of the Computer science Department."

( And god damnit. I just realized I lost my name. >( How do I keep the name up there and not lose it every time I make a new post? These were me.
>>5355845
>>5355862
>>5355869
>>5355874
)

>>5355879
Are you using a proxy? That might be the reason.
(Don't say yes if you are_)
Also, cookies have to be enabled.

>>5355874
Wait... what year did we depart? It isn't the actor, is it? Well, whatever. Start by releasing some of the crew for exploratory tasks. Preferrably one specialist of each relevant field for starters, to chart the area and make suitable long-term plans.

>>5355883
( Got it. Fixing. )

(Oh hey. Noko is working too, now. Awesome.)
>>5355887
> A small monitor slides down from the cieling, displaying the relevant data.

The ship departed in the year 2253, after a 8 year construction period. It is the first in a collection of 30 planned Seed ships, housing a whopping 10,000 crew members in stasis as well as a fairly large supply automated construction drones.

>>5355903
(no problem)
...But we don't have the hydroponics and fuel to last, do we.

What was the estimated travel time supposed to be?

>>5355903
Do the probes detect any forms life on the planet? Can we Terraform it?

>>5355907
There are no Hydroponics on board ship. Crew was supposed to stay in stasis. There are however vast amounds of seed stock as well as sperm and ovum for various animal and plant species in Stasis in our Cargobay.

>>5355909
Original travel time for the Aurora was 900 years at .5C to the Korvis system. However, upon the approach to the system, our sensor equipment proved that the planet that was our original destination was not in the least habitable. With a toxic atmosphere and a temprature that could melt steel.

>>5355919
We have not yet launched any probes. Currently the Aurora is parked on the surface of the planet in the lee of one of the few solid rock faces. We have not as yet detected any life. But there is a breathable atmosphere which means there must be some form of life on the planet, even if it is only bacterial.

Would you like me to launch one of our 10 probes? If so, please select a direction, distance, and what you would like the probe to search for specifically.

>There are no Hydroponics on board ship.
I hate cutbacks. I TOLD them "what if we get hungry on the way", but do they ever listen? Nooo... Fuck if I'm eating sunflower seeds again. I need a sandwich.

>>5355929
Send one north for about 10 miles, then have it circle around the ship so we have a detailed scan of a 10 mile radius around the ship.
Also, prep a 10 man scouting party. These guys will be dying to move after 2K in stasis.

>>5355929
Thaw leaders of each section to act as advisors in decisionmaking. After they're up and about, launch probe to get to work.

>>5355929

Launch a probe straight up into the air and begin scanning at maximum view in a sphere centered around the ship. Let's see if there's anything nearby.

>>5355923
Estimate: How far from Earth are we in Lightyears? What is our location?
Communications: Do we have any way of communicating with what may be left of humanity?
Decisions: Did you, the AI, make the decision to move us onward? Was that programmed into you?

>>5355956
Good idea - perhaps the AI flipped out, or perhaps Gerard Depardieu, it's programmer, is a commie mutant traitor?

>>5355937
Hydroponics were deemed a pointless waste of time. The planet was supposed to have life and thus hydroponics would not have been needed.

>>5355943
>There's a hiss somewhere in the ship followed by a deep thump sound as the probe is launched.

Orders confirmed, Sir. Also I would like to clarify it was 20,000 years total spent in stasis.

>>5355944
Revivification of Heads has been authorized. Resucitation underway.
>Looking on either side of you, you can see the rows and rows of glass tubes with naked male and female forms laying inside in stasis. Their bodies frozen in time. Machines start hissing slowly as they move. Six pods are pulled from the racks and slide across the cieling to one of the dozen beds that surround you in the Reviving chamber.

>>5355963
What is the status on the rest of the ship, its cargo, and its crew?

>>5355956
1) We have travelled 20,000 years at .5 of C. Our estimated travel distance is over 10,000 light years.
2) Negative.
3)The trip was one way. It was in my programming and decided ahead of time that I would have a single destination. If that destination was untenable due to atmospheric or steller reasons, I am programmed to seek out a more suitable system to allow the humans the greatest chance at survival.
>>5355949
Probe has an approximat 10KM Radius with it's sensor equipment. Orbiting at 10KM around us will give us an effective 20KM scan.

>>5355972
Status is as follows -
Crew - Of the 10,102 crew member placed in stasis at the beginning of our journey. 307 have passed away due to malfunctions over the course of the journey.
Ship - The ship is operating at minimal power. Over time my systems have degraded to the point that I had no choice but to accept this planet as a suitable place to allow my crew to awaken.
Cargo - All cargo is currently in tact, with an acceptable amount of loss to ovum/sperm/seed stock over the course of the past 20,000 years.

>>5355974
Directives: Do we have any remaining information that was given to us for use on arrival? Do we have any communiques FROM earth?
Deployment: Do we have an automated construction package ready for deployment planetside as yet?

Warp: Engage warp drive, place Ai SHODAN in charge, order return to earth immediately.

>>5355974

Fantastic. Commence scans immediately- we need to know if there is any water in the vicinity. From what it seems, this is a desert planet, and water will soon become our most precious commodity.

>>5355963
>Hydroponics were deemed a pointless waste of time. The planet was supposed to have life and thus hydroponics would not have been needed.
Yeah, look how THAT turned out. I haven't had a decent meal in 20,000 years!

>>5355989
Did we lose anyone tagged vital or important?
How long until I can get a scouting party up and on the ground?
How are the weapons on the ship holding up? Are the auto-turrets still functional?

>>5355992
The only communiques we have from earth are updates to R&D that progressed until such time as our comm systems were no longer able to detect one another. Approximatly 20 years after stasis was entered.
We have numerous drones able to build per our specifications. We do also posses some plastic and metal stores. Nothing prefabricated.
>>5355993
Scans are active. Currently detecting numerous mineral traces in the sand. One of the reasons this location was chosen. Atmospheric conditions are as follows.

Temprature - 98 degrees Farenheiht
Windspeeds - 40Knots

>Note. The view would be spectacular. Two suns orbiting close together. So close that the smaller, denser sun is actually pulling plasma from the larger older sun. A visible acretion disc has formed and there is a trail of sun-stuff connecting the two.

>>5356008
Negative. Lost personel were either women and children. In one case we lost a geneticist, but of a low enough level as to be non-vital.

A scouting party would take approximatly 2 hours to waken from stasis and another 5 hours minimum before they should be allowed to begin any strenous activities.

Laser Weapon systems are active and working. One of our portside lasers has been damaged by a micrometeor.

>>5356014

Are there any vehicles in the ship's hold that could be adapted to travelling on sand/dunes?

>>5356014

Why is a spaceship using imperial measurements? You totally just broke the realism.

>>5356026
Negative. The only premade items in the cargohold are the drones. It was unknown how well such items would last spending 900+ years in a spaceship. It was deemed safer to send raw material to build vehicles if need be.

Note. It may be prudent to turn some of the plastic textiles into clothing to protect against the suns.

>>5356014
Excellent, prep the team. Give them all the info from the scans. Get a few repair-bots on the work on any damages found on the outside of ship, providing they are doing repair something else inside.

>>5356039
>Because the Computer is run by an American who uses what's easiest for him.

>>5356048
Ten humans shall be randomly chosen to form the scout party and awoken.

ETA - 7 hours.

Sir. Probe is reporting negative on surface water reserves within the scanned radius. However, the probe is unable to examine deeper then the surface while remaining airborn.

>>5356039
Because the Captain ordered it.
>>5356046
Do we have any exploration suits ready for the team then.
Also, do we have an inmates we can send out first?

We've got mining and fabrication equipment, right? Let's get some damn solar panels up to boost power. Water's good too, and then we need to get some hydroponics going before we all starve.
Do we have any ready food available?

>>5356052
Time to blow up the faggot Computer!

>>5356064
Send this one out first, with no suit. Then set defense laser to on. Target: human.

Send out three more probes to start a long range scan.
Have that one probe get closer to perform thermal and check what it under these rocks.

Wait, Wait, Wait, WAIT! From what I've read, did we just land on Planet Fucking GUNSMOKE?

Pic Related.

Launch the Autonomous Construction Device, tell it to go get some... iron or something.

Call the mission, I don't know, "Iron Quest" or something.

>>5356062
Exploration suits can be fabricated. Shall I dedicate one of our drones to doing so?
Negative on the inmates. 2500 of our crew were chosen for 'Needed Skillsets'. The rest were chosen from a Planetwide lottery, with the excess filled up for children and family members of those chosen.
>Thanks for covering me, boss!
>>5356063
The ships solar panels are already engaged. however, they are quite heavily damaged and are under repairs now that we are on a planet.
Note. Because of the high tempuratures, long day cycle, short night period, and lack of water or tectonic activities. There is a very steady and powerful wind often accompanied by Sandstorms. It may be more prudent to construct wind turbines.
Mining drones do exist. Shall we begin construction of a mine?
The only available food is generic protein stock and nutrients. It will not last more then 1 month.

>>5356102
Yeah, yeah, deal with all that stuff.

I'm going to write a strongly worded letter for sending back to Earth saying this is exactly why we need Hydroponics facilities on these damn ships.

I can't believe I took this shitty posting.

>>5356102
Seems like a plan. Pass it by the other advisers and get whoever is in charge of food to begin thinking of a way to increase our food-stock.

>>5356128

Maybe if we use those drones to mine down farther, we could find some water deposits. And if we want any chance of surviving here, we'd better get some suits fabricated. Perhaps they can be fitted with rebreather masks in order to preserve moisture from exhalation?

...I'm really hoping this isn't Dune.

>>5356088
Autonomous mining drones have been sent out. They are beginning construction of a mining facility. This will take at least half of the available drones, and will take only a few day's to begin processing any minerals we require.

>>5356080
Three additional probes have been launched. Their paths form concentric rings around our ship, with the first ring 10KM out, and each additional drone 20KM out to give as much coverage as possible. It will take some time for data to arrive.

The command crew of 6 have been awoken, including the Programmer. ( Anyone care to take names? Gerard depardieu is the programmer. Keep the name decent and anyone else can take a posting/job. )

>>5356158
Negative on being Dune.

One of our probes has been sent to dig straight down to hopefully discover water.

>>5356158
But what happens when we dig to deep?
I hope this isn't drof fortress.

Bitch! Alaina! wtf shit did you drop us in to!?

...

I reprogram Alaina into Hal-over9000

Lieutenant Hans Creol, head of security, reporting in, sir.

>>5356177
Good morning, Dave.

>>5356181
I trust you have awoken well, Lieutenant Creol.

Dave Napier. Head of Agriculture.

So. No food eh? Mind if I make a suggestion. If we find some water. We should corral some into a pond and start makin' some fish. Trout grow quickly, require little food, produce all the nutrients we need. Break say... half the fish down into pile with some bacteria, and mixed with some sand we got ourselves a bit of Dirt! to grow food in!

>>5356160
Advisor of ecology, farming and food production, Massey Ferguson-Zetor, recommends awakening staff for planting, catering, food production and general labor for the upkeep of the currently awakened staff. Going on without a stable, constant supply of foodstuffs and water is always unwise.

Also, brewers.

>>5356205
... goddamn, seconds too late, am I? :|

>>5356205
Good Morning, Dave. ( Amusing. )

If the Captain agrees with your plan and if we can locate water. The plan shall be enacted.

I should note. That we only have ship side facilities to support at most 30 humans alive and living on board. It may be prudent to begin building a structure of some sort.

( Meh. take it. I do'nt know shit about food, not really. )

>>5356216

couldn't we just cull the weaker crew memebers?
starting with Jones over there *points*

>>5356220
(Me neither. Meh. Let's go with Dave Ferguson-Zetor and just keep the character free-for-all?)

>>5356216
Begin this fish plan. Is there an engineer adviser to draw up plans for an external building?

Sir - Agricultural commanders not withstanding. One of our probes has located something of interest.

It appears to be a type of moss growing on some of the stones. The moss is growing in the shadow. It is the first obvious sign of life we have located. Shall we collect a sample?

Probe digging down has travelled approximatly 300 yards. As it goes down, it is detecting higher signs of moisture. Although the ground is still quite Arid.

Wait, this solar system has two suns? Fucking AI, the suns are omnomming eachother and gonna blow in a few hundred thousands years.
Think long term you peace of shit AI

On an unrelated note, how many of the crew is awake? Waking all of them up now would be unnecessary

>>5356241
Yes, get to the science adviser immediately. Make to keep it enclose at all time. We can't risk it contaminating the ship.

>>5356249
This was the optimal planetary body within range of our fuel reserves.

Currently, six commanders, one captain, and a random selection of 10 are being awoken.

To answer earlier question. No, there are no inmates onboard.

>>5356241

Science Advisor Jacob Banner here. We need to keep that mold in isolation from the rest of the crew for now- no telling what is or isn't harmful to humans on this planet.

Moisture? Great! If we manage to bring some up, we've got to make sure to sterilize it, for the same reasons. Can't be too careful on an unexplored, uninhabited planet.

>>5356280
orders confirmed. Probe is landing and beginning to collect sample of the mysterious material. ETA - 1 hour.

Can I get some equipment made for the scouting party?
After the suits are made, they will need:
Ten simple, smooth-bore Shotguns that fire bird shot. (So they can be made quickly, and leaned to be used quickly)
Ten knives.
Two Axes.
Two Sledge Hammers.
Two Picks.
Comms and surveying equipment.
Two off-road buggies built for running on the sand.
Can we send a pair of Gunner Drones with them?

>>5356280
Also take a sample of the water for examination of the bacteria in it.

>>5356315
Production of those items will take some time. They will also be quite heavy as we are limited on what metals we have access to.

Items shall be ready within 1 hour after the 10 are ready.

>>5356317
At the moment there is no actual water. There is only an increase in the moisture content of the sand the probe is digging through.

We should put out a $$60 Billion bounty on Vash the Stampede, that'd help us with our ship repair bill.

>>5356336

Also, if possible, have the probe take an analysis of what's in the sand as it burrows down farther. What minerals and such are in it?

>>5356334
Good, after they are ready, create a stock of more simple shotguns and ammo.
And make some batons too.
Check background of non-vital people to see if they have any military or police experience. When (if) they are unfrozen, I can make them part of a police force.

>>5356338
There is no one of that name available in my Registry.
The closest there is, is a Vash Newall. 42, male, OB/GYN. Single. No children.

>>5356349
Such an analysis would slow down the speed of the Probes digging ability.
Note. The sand is very mineral rich. Automated mining systems are already deployed.
>>5356360
Construction is underway, Lieutenant.

Is my wife on this ship? If so, don't unfreeze her, she's a bitch.

>>5356388
Voice print does not match. Comment disregarded.

How are the probes doing? Is the scouting party prepared?
How bad can those sand storms get? Can we beam a message back to earth or to other seed ships?

>>5356440
Probe has reached a depth of 400 yards. Moisture content is still increasing. The probe has finally reached sandstone.
Preliminary analysis shows that sandstorms can become very powerful. Deadly to anything biological on the surface when they strike. They could easily reach speeds of 240knots.

>>5356457
How bad will the sand erode the ship and its systems over time? Ensure that the external building being constructed can handle winds well pass those speeds.
Should we become self sustainable on this planet, will this ship be able to enter orbit and travel in space again, or at least fly to another section of the planet to start harvesting resources there?

>>5356482
Once the ship is fully fueled it would be able to fly in space once more. However, refueling would require copious amounts of hard to replicate material.

The ship was designed to dela with the hard rigors of space. The sand is not likely to erode the ship at any appreciable rate.

Construction of suitable facilities will take place - Once such facilities are created by my Crew.

>>5356501
>Once such facilities are created by my Crew.
>created
>replace with "Designed"

How is the equipment coming along? How fit is the scouting party? Are they all healthy?

>>5356440

*salute*

volunteering for the scout party cap'n

1. Was there any period of time between planetfall and stasis awakening?
2. Did the ship sustain any damage in planetfall?
3. Where is this planet *exactly*?

>>5356574
I start a vote for the name of the planet.

1 vote for "oops".

Also, get some combat armor up...

Urgh... good grief, they don't put much in the way of comfort into those pods, do they? Blasted machines... *she coughs violently and stands, stretching her aching muscles, before abruptly standing to attention* Trooper Alice Van Geist reporting, sir! I understand that there is a need for a scouting group?

(This is dead? Blast. I liked where it was going.)

So did I, although it does seem like it'd be easier and more fitting for a chatroom-ish like location where there's less interruptions and more text based adventuraan.

Seems Alaina has shut down, it was only a matter of time ;_;

/salute

(Chatroom-ish location? This seems a good idea. Suggestions?)

IRC's the most obvious.

(Can anyone set this up?)

post ending in 4 tells me what to put in my 1000pt Space Wolf army for the tournament this weekend.

>>5356950
sry. I meant to start a new thread but i fucked up. Please disregard this post. I dont want to high jack someone else's thread

>>5356909
Too bad, I was going to stockpile weapons and then take over the ship.

>>5356950

christ. click the little box next to Anonymous in your post. now scroll down to the bottom of the page and click the button marked Delete

You might as well hijack it. It's a shitty quest thread trying to fly under the radar by not calling itself a shitty quest thread.

Spess mehrine army lists are an *improvement*

>>5357607
>>5357649
He already made his own thread, and got a response. You bumped the thread for no reason.

That said, should I ditch a Plague Marine squad in my army for a pair/trio of Obliterators? I can buy a box of termies, take 3 for termicide, and custom shit the other 2 as Obliterators.