That's not a goddamn surprise. Half the campaigns I've been in somebody's wanted to get a boat/airship and spend their time being pirates.

Do what you want cuz a pirate is free, you are a pirate.

When my dwarf drove a cart of firewood to the cave full of kobolds, and proceeded to trap the entrance and use thermodynamics to suffocate them all, with the pit traps killing the few who fled.

>>5447813
My DM gave us a genie with three wishes.

I wished to know the exact location of the guy who leveled the city we were in (the BBEG's lair), to know the reason he did what he did (how we discovered he was the BBEG), and to have a non-magical book containing any information on his past noteworthy deeds, current intentions, and capabilities in combat (how we figured out how to kill him way ahead of time).

The DM gave us all of these, not expecting these wishes. We killed the BBEG before we hit level 10 and he had to think of a new plot arc.

>>5447813
My GM informed me of my character's father's death.

I shed manly tears on command.

>>5447971
Manly tears?

No such thing.

>>5448306

Oh no?

I let a friend and comrade nearly bleed to death despite having a potion of cure moderate wounds hidden away. Only when she was one unlucky roll away from death did I let anyone know I had the potion...

>>5448753
nice.

I had a character who never followed what most people would consider "rational" thought patterns - I always vocalized what my character was thinking, to make sure everyone, GM included, understood WHY he was doing the weird-ass crazy shit he was doing. (Note: This was in Rolemaster, a system with % stats, and the character's Self Discipline was in the low 20s, while his reasoning was in the high 90s - smart, but no impulse control.)

In previous sessions, someone had been stalking us, creating a "chill up your spine" feeling, and I botched an observation roll HARD, and was convinced that the tree I was standing beside was causing the feeling, and that it was actively seeking to harm us - which was confirmed, because when I destroyed the tree, shouting that I wouldn't let it get away with that, the feeling went away. (Stalker got bored and left.)

Later, the _real_ bad guy (a large ogre, how the hell did I miss that? Everyone else saw him...) came after us again, we got the same feeling, and I soundly denounced the "tree demon" for pulling up it's roots to chase us - and it floated over the city gates, and left after taunting us.

Three sessions later, the feeling came back as myself and two other PCs were leaving a building in a different city on a different continent, late at night. While everyone else was starting to look into the shadows and move to check alleyways, out loud, I reasoned, "Well, the last two times that I felt this, it was because of those tree demons, but there's no trees in this city because there's no room for them to grow, and trees like sunlight and it's all shady down here, so the only sun is on top of the roofs, and the tree demons can fly, so ... I LOOK UP AND WAVE AT THE TREE DEMON!"

And the small child hiding on the roof above us waved back, and left before he could freak out at being found so out easily...

contributan.

Held myself at knifepoint, threatening to kill myself if the party harmed a certain antagonist.

>>5450489
That was a good thread, and a fine reason for more people to play Pyrokines. Fuck Telekinesis.

>>5450489
...

My character(DH, techpriest)'s group was on an old planet, which had not been visited since the dark age of technology, when we were ambushed by "Metal Men".
We were forced to fight them. After the battle my character looked at what he had done to the works of the machine god and put a bullet through his skull.

Not me surprising the GM, but a player surprising me as the GM - I once had a player kill my BBEG in the second session of a long-running campaign, before said BBEG even got a chance to open his mouth to taunt the players and vanish. Ordinarily I wouldn't have allowed it, but it didn't stop the plans that were in motion, and made for an awesome surprise when they finally found out who the BBEG was. They spent half the game thinking they'd accidentally killed the son of one of their allies, without realizing he was also the one who had set up all of the problems they were having, and was the leader of the secret organization that was attacking them constantly.

It may have worked out in the end, but I sure as hell wasn't expecting them to kill the poor guy when they first saw him. My main villian's only line in the whole game was "WAAAAAAAAaaaaaaa....." *ZORCH* And then it was up to his underlings to exact revenge...

>>5450562
Clearly he'd forgotten the 12th Universal Law.

>The Soulless sentience is the enemy of all.

>>5450582
looks like they had souls, evil souls

>>5450582
They were embossed with the symbol of the adeptus mechanicus.

After years of experimenting with 3.5 character builds, I learned that the best way to maximize my fun was by maximizing my defenses. There's nothing more boring than sitting out a combat, and having just one low save can usually insure you of that unless you have a really good caster hanging onto some spells to bail you out.

Enter Karen, a half-elven rogue2/paladin8. With evasion, divine grace, a natural 18 charisma, and a magic shield, she could walk through most spells with ease, and though her hit points were low, that only made her lay on hands seem that much more impressive.

So we're at this stone giant fortress in pursuit of a dwarven heretic, and the mook at the front door offers to let one of us in to speak with the master. Sense motive tells both our party that it's a trap. Karen walk in anyway.

So there they are--a sixth level stone giant sorcerer and a 14th level dwarven wizard--and Karen tells them to surrender. They laugh and offer her the same deal. I put on my game face then, putting on my best whatthefuckareyoulaughingat face and holding it for about thirty seconds before the DM starts talking with herself, having the two argue about which one is going to humble the so-called champion of goodness. They settle the debate with initiative.

Fireball. Fireball. Charm person. Hold monster. Chain lightning. Nothing sticks. No hit points are lost. My bonded mount starts flipping out down below, and my friends roll into initiative, blasting through the door and charging through the dungeon with a dozen stone giants chasing after them.

By the time they arrived in the throne room, five rounds later, Karen had lost twelve hit points to a magic missile. By then, the bosses were sick of attacking me, and they ignored me completely while I tumbled to the door and held off the reinforcements while my allies unleashed their offensive character builds on a pair of worn-out spellcasters.

>>5450956

Caught a glimpse of my GM's notes once. Surprised the fuck out of the next ambushers.

>>5451013

You are my hero.

In the first Dark Heresy campaign I played, the party had somewhat foolishly managed to enter (infiltrate would be too kind a word) the BBEG's fortress, only to find themselves surrounded by many men with many weapons. Although it's usually a grave error to give an exposition on one's grand, evil scheme, the BBEG did so, after which my tech-priest concluded that he must be stopped at all costs. He pulled the pins on the four frag grenades in his belt and charged at the BBEG, which rather surprised the DM. What surprised me, however, was said BBEGs outrageous agility and psyker shenanigans, allowing him to escape the blast totally unscathed.

Do I win nightmare mode?

>>5451025
You, sir, are a metagaming faggot.

>>5450956
This story is as win as two minute brownies.

My Dark Heresy guardsman grabbed a large las battery used for charging the smaller packs, gummed up the works a bit with a kick to an inserted charge pack, and fired at it at point blank range just as the Nurgle Plague Marine that had been chasing the party through the starport we were in stepped over it.

We were rank 3 at that point. The GM was expecting us to try and outrun it. Needless to say, neither the plague marine or my character survived the blast.

In a Pathfinder game, I was playing a quiet, ambiguously evil magister (or whatever the hell the gimped mages in Pathfinder are called). The party was hired to kick a clan of goblins out of an abandoned fort near a village.

So we clear out the fort, kill all of them except the "king", and thoroughly secure him, and continue exploring.

There's an underground exit from the fort to a mountain stream behind it, and a giant crab who lives in the stream. Because of the way the fort is laid out, it's a one-way drop down to where the crab lives.

So, we interrogate the goblin king. He's not particularly helpful, as he doesn't believe we'd actually *not* kill him no matter what he does. After various "nice" interrogation, I get annoyed and step in.

"You're aware of the crab below the fort, right?"

"Yes."

"Is it aggressive? How tough is it?"

"Don't know, don't care."

"Well, as I see it, as of this moment, the best possible use of you is throwing you, bound, to the crab just to see if it's the aggressive sort, and to gauge the danger it poses us by watching how long it takes to tear you to scraps. Now. Perhaps you have some information for us more useful to us than that."

The GM just stares at me. "I got nothing," he says, informing us the goblin is just whimpering at this point.

>>5451494
nightmare mode achieved.

>>5450489
Ye gods.

>>5451558

Wait, this is 'evil'?

I'd do that to people Neutral characters all the time..

In a Shadowrun game, I turned myself in after finding out that my actions had resulted in the deaths of millions. My party freaked out and hid in South America for months before someone sent them a documentary on my character, who had created a pacifist shaman lodge for reformed convicts. The documentary showed that my character had not betrayed them and had in fact implicated a rival Shadowrun party with the crimes we had committed.

They returned to Seattle with Good Rep 1.

Played the first encounter in the 4e Forgotten Realms Campaign Guide at a games day just after it was released. Not a lot of time, so rolled a human greatsword fighter, since it wouldn't be too difficult, and as far as character development, I went with the blurb on the card that came with the mini I was using, that made the guy out to be a mercenary type.

When the first goblins burst through the wall and the other players rushed to fight them, my character leaned against the door frame of the tavern, eating an apple. When one of them yelled out to me to help, I told them since no one was paying me, I was going to watch.

Without a solider defender type roll for the encounter, it was a total wipe. The DM told us all to leave so he could put another group through.

He was surprised.

>>5448753
oh shit, manly tears. fuck me, manly tears.

>>5451750
Only moderately.
I had a neutral character who once threatened to leave somebody for the drow cannibals in Xen'drik if he didn't talk. He talked, but we wound up killing him for a different reason, though he didn't get eaten.

>>5451833
LULZ!

I was a rogue, disguised as a lawful evil priest in a very nasty city.

The DM threw me a curveball by having a churchgoer approach me and ask for a blessing. Though a close friend, he was also a three hundred pound neckbeard, and his attempt at a seductive femme fatale was off-putting. I tried to ignore the NPC and go about my business, but that only seemed to encourage.

"Very well," I announced, "you will have your blessing. Close. Your. Eyes."

She looked at me fearfully, then did as I had commanded. The DM played it well, squinting his eyes and tensing up as he waited to see if my chaotic good rogue would stab this random NPC to keep from breaking character.

"I draw my sword. Slowly."

The DM opened his eyes to give me that hey-asshole-there's-a-G-on-your-character-sheet look, but I yell at him to close them again. He does so.

Then I slapped him across the face and called him an impertinent strumpet.

The DM's cheek had a red handprint the rest of the night.

I, however, died to a slay living spell. :/

>>5451895
GET.
THE.
FUCK.
OUT.
NOW.

>>5451895
Oh lawdy!

>>5451895

Physically attacking friends is fun! Whee!

Have fun with his fatbeard facial grease on your palm.

>>5451895

Surprise from the other side of the screen.
I was running Call of Cthulhu (5th ed) the investigators were attempting to beat a cult of kali to a summoning spell so that they could cast the conjunctional binding spell and lock the "entity" away for a 1000 years. The summoning spell is quite easy, just a short ritual which opens the gate. But the binding spell involves human sacrifice. The victim must be strangled to death, have its heart cut out which the caster then must bite into while holding the sealing amulet in his mouth.

The cult had tracked them down to the roof where they were performing the ritual. At this point one of the investigators has been incapacitated due to cobra venom when one of the cultist's arms transformed into a snake earlier that night.

The cultists track down the investigators and attack. The investigators start exchanging gun fire with the cultists. One cultist charges the sick investigator, mark, and attempts to cull the weak as it were. Andrew manages to get an impaling shot on the cultist and now having a body, starts the summoning ritual.

The summoning ritual opens the gate in short order and he cuts out the cultist's heart and attempts the binding while the other investigators hold off the rest of the cultists. And it doesn't work. He goes "What?" and I say "The victim wasn't strangled to death. The gate is open and the thing on the other side is pushing through."

He goes "Oh fuck, that's right" Turns to Mark, says "Sorry, dude" and proceeds to strangle Mark's infirm character (who happened to be female) to death, cut out her heart and eat it.

My jaw dropped.

>>5452618
Thematically awesome course of action. BUT DID THEY MAKE IT?

The PCs showed genuine care about my random NPCs and tried as hard as they could to make their lives better.

... In WFRP.

What the fuck!

I'm playing a human fighter. Surprised the hell out of the two DM's i've been with.

>>5452618

Dude.

>>5452681
Yeah, they made it. One of the investigators, who was a judo expert began tossing cultists toward the gate while Andrew was completing the ritual, giving the entity some close targets...

Andrew's character lost a fuck-ton of sanity in like 5 rounds. Opening, Seeing the entity, attempting the ritual, killing his friend and attempting the ritual again.
Hello, lasting insanity.

No one does crazy like I do in 4th edition since I like proving it's broken.

So... we were fighting a bunch of bigass exploding spiders and decide to take on the spider queen because the fuckwad avenger was supposed to.

Now... everyone else in the group can summon dragons. I declined the ability, deciding my character didn't need it to be a badass.

About half way through the fight we've used up all our dailies and most of our encounters, apart from utilities for the most part. At which point my character let's loose the following words: "fuck this shit, everyone dies in 6 seconds, leave." The other characters spend about 3 seconds quickly shouting about how they're not sure they can trust the new guy. Then they see him point his hand towards the queen spider's exploding appendix organ thingy and decide he's nuts. They all teleport out thanks to a magic ring owned by the rogue. Incidentally, explosion size is determined by spider size. One of the smaller ones is a grenade, one of the medium ones would wipe out the cavern, the queen...

He fires. They congratulate me on my sacrifice, at which point I point at two things.
1.Lawful Evil (no fucking way I just sacrificed my ass for you)
2. Sheilding Shades (Daily power, allows me to avoid all damage from one attack.)

They're jaws drop as I pick: the explosion.

In character: They're waiting outside as the mountain starts to crumble after the huge explosion. About 2 minutes later a battered warlock hurls himself clear of the entrance of the cave. A few minutes after that the mountain collapses on itself.

He lets loose the following phrase:
"That is not dead which can eternal lie,
and with strange eons, even death may die.
I am Obed Marsh, and I am immortal."

The other characters still believe that.

>>5451762
pants-on-head retarded.

The trial went like that, i presume:

[J]udge: the PC is accused of being accountable for genocide. How do you plead?
PC: well, it was me, but...
J: do you plead guilty?
PC: yeah, but it was, like, totally unintentional!
J: well, that obviously changes things. You're being sentenced for a month of prison.
PC: a MONTH? In prison? My parents will kill me! Come on, duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude!
Bailif: you will address the judge in a proper manner
PC: a MONTH? In prison? My parents will kill me! Come on, Your Honouuuuuuuuuuuur!
J: ooooooooooh, ok. But you have to do something!
PC: I'll do, like, some volunteer charity shit! For a whole week!
J: Fuck yeah!

>>5452751
?????????????????????????????????

>>5453205
Also, I know the difference between they're and their, in b4grammarfags

Also, Marsh managed to surprise people by getting with a dragonborn woman (he's human). This was directly in the aftermath of the mountain incident when he returned and was found to have been singlehandedly the hero of the hour.

Anyway, alot of the people in this party have slept around and have a lot of illegitimate children, so when she started to show that she was pregnant there were a lot of less than charitable reactions to this. He was damn proud of it and expounded on plans to train his daughter to be as much of a badass as he is. (and explain some interesting family lineage involving the fact that his ancestral town is listed as "Innsmouth")

But yeah, it may not be that interesting by TG standards but it shocked the DM and most of the players. And, to quote "Enter the Dragon": "No one's as loyal as daddy's little girl"

>>5453373
Also, no one in the group has read ANY Lovecraft, the DM was fine with my character's family being from a specific town. He has a very real fear of EVER being submerged in open water and continually mentions the things that lurk under the water. Also, he's wary of looking in mirrors, just incase something changed since last time.

Some of the events here are pretty badassed or just plain inspirational. Could we get an archive please?

>>5453596
Done.

>>5453452
You know your character is a Mary Sue, right?

>>5453652

Thanks!

>>5453674
He was made in half an hour. Didn't have time to do much else. And the rest of the party is FAR worse. Trust me on that one. Dues ex Machina dragons will do that...

>>5453674
You have no idea what that phrase means, and I request politely that you stop using it until you better educate yourself.

>>5453727

>>5453674
The lineage is definitely a little mary sueish but the whole, living in terror of his past has had major gameplay effects in a negative way, as have the personality flaws. I'd say apart from being stolen he's par for the course.

That being said, the party is getting sick of the fact that the fate of the entire world damn sure better be at stake or he'll gut them for making him travel by sea or over it rather than using a portal (which is, of course, more expensive)

>>5453674
Well that depends.

Is his character fun to play with? If yes, not a Mary Sue.

>>5453221
It would be retarded in a modern day campaign, but in Shadowrun you can bribe your way out of anything as long as you didn't cause major losses to an AAA.

I once killed a tarrasque single-handedly... by tumbling down it's throat and jhamming a handful of folded-up portable holes into a bag of holding, with 4 more bags of holding on me.

the resulting implosion took out a large chunk of planet surface, and the shockwave of all that air collapsing on the spot of 0atmo...... ended up destroying pretty much the rest of the surface...

technically, solo'd half the planet.

>>5454889
Bravo, sir. Bravo.

Our party had just come back from Gaia, the only city in the vast apocalypic wasteland that is now Northern Europe which is entirely made out of plants. City has an insanely high magic content, all spawned from this skyscraper-like magic tree that doubles as a castle for the city's mayor. The tree is sentient, and after saving it from the bad guy of the week we all get a special item forged by magic. One party member uses a powersuit, and simple demands. He hust wants a weapon that only he can use. The tree gives him a magic orb the size and weight of a large bowling ball, and its edges are infinitely sharp. With no momentum it doesn't do much damage to armour or solid rock, but when force is applied we used it to shred through the engine of a large bulldozer filled with mooks.

Later on we go back to Gaia to hunt down this secret cult member we're trying to get into. He's build like a bick shithouse, wears faux samurai armour, and speaks like the Heavy from Team Fortress 2. When we tell him that we want to joing, he pulls out a manual, and flicks through it. He reads out
"The basic entry criteria for new members is for them to produce a MacGuffin."

We all start in surprise. We've collected a ton of crap in our travels, and we systematically show him all of the stuff we found. An ancient grimoire my Librarian character has been carrying around, a super-powered laser rifle, a password-protected hard drive stolen from the last bad guy we crushed. He rejects all of them, and we're starting to get fustrated.

The GM starts to suggest that we should go and see if there are any 'conspicuous events occuring', and come back here later, but then I have an idea. I call over Mr. Powerarmour, and tell him to hold out the ord he got from the tree.
"It's just a large sphere, big deal."
"Oh, but watch this!"

>>5455499

I run to a near by tree laden with pinapples, take one, and come back. I then proceed to slam the pinapple on top of the orb. There's a SPLORCH sound as the fruit is pureed six ways from Sunday.
"I... not understand. How can boring sphere act like blender?"
"WHEN IT'S A GODDAMN MACGUFFIN. NOW CAN WE *PLEASE* JOIN?!"

GM ruefully has the cult member agree. Everyone laughs, and I get to feel cool for 30 seconds.

In Dark Heresy, I play our group's aging, sober adept, a retired guardsman with a noble lineage. He's our social talker and knowledge guy.
We're tracking a crimelord dealing in Xenos tech, and we're trying to get in contact with his rival, who is beneath the Inquisition's notice. We get a lead that a local barman is the man to talk to, so we head in to his tavern.
We recognize a few of the target crime lord's thugs in there before heading to the bar. Quickly, the adept begins pretending he's already drunk, and strikes up a conversation.

"Sho...Sho who do thosh guysh over there work for...?"
"They're Verbal's men. They always act like they own the place."
"Verbal... I, I don' like Verbal..."
The barkeep leans in closer. "How much don't you like him?"
There's a moment while I consider my next move, before asking the GM and party, "I have an answer for him but we're gonna get in trouble." Given a chorus of 'go for it,' I proceed.

The dour, 70-year old man promptly seizes a bottle off the bar, turns, and without a word, smashes it in the face of one of the thugs.

"THASH how much I don' like Verbal!"

>>5448753

Tears were shed. I wish I'll have the chance to DM such a marvelous arc.

1) DnD game. Infiltrate (TM) Fortress of Evil. Everything's fine...until we stumble on a storeroom filled with oil and about half the BBEG's minions. Well, the door opened out (only one) and could be barred....well after about 3 seconds and one match equaled a good BBQ.

2) Through role-playing and a few dice rolls convincing the PRINCE of the CITY that the cold fireplace was acutally plotting against him and planning to burst into flames at any moment....and I was a Malkavian Vampire (he should'a known better thatn to talk to me)

3) Attacked by a Giant slug. I respond with "Giant bag of Salt!" GM said "lemme see your sheet, you just made that up!" Needless to say we had no problems with Giant slugs since!

In an Eberron game a while back, I was playing a combat artificer, House Canith. Up-and-coming member, favored in the house, etc. One of the other party members was a warforged combat-cleric named Smite.

Throughout the game we learn that House Canith has been creating new warforged in secret and using them as vessels for Quori. Naturally, this shit doesn't fly with any of us, least of all Smite. Events happen, Quori manifest, we go to Dal Quor and kick some ass. Smite ends up sacrificing himself to stop an invasion by sundering an artifact warforged component while it's still attached to him. Manly tears were shed by all (except the female characters, they just shed tears).

We get back to Sharn, and I announce that I'm going to head to Canith's council chamber. I walk in and, without saying a word, impale the current head of the house on my glaive. I then proceed to cast lightening ring and nuke the rest of the chamber.

Using all the wealth my character had left (sans his weapons and armor, he grew rather attached to them), he set up a new great House, named after Smite's truename (which I can't recall, as we heard it all of 5 minutes before the last battle), which welcomed Warforged as members. (Yes, this was shamelessly stolen from another story that gets posted here, I don't care. Shit is so cash).

As of now, my character is living as a hermit somewhere in Khorvaire, trying to figure out how to bind a Storm Elemental to his arm.

Pic related, the mini I used for my artificer. The clearcoat I used on it wasn't designed for minis, so it's now cloudy as fuck. I'm thinking of buying a new mini to paint, because I liked the character and the sculpt so much.

>>5450956
Seph?

>>5453652

How do you archive the images? Chanmongler seems to forget to download the images for me, as there are only thumbnails incorporated into the html.

>>5455772
skynet is sentient!!!!

I played a dwarf fighter that hates trees. My hate for trees grew when we got attacked my assassin vines. When we where walking through an elvin forest I swung at any moving thing related to trees there is. I killed a tree nymph by accedent. the forest folk got angry at me when I tried to burn down the forest.

Anyway they put a, I think it was a , geass on me, I think thats what its called. to force me to do something or I'll get sick. well he put one on me for me to plant a tree. I refused and took I think 2d6 a day for a month. the cleric refused to heal me because he said I deserve it. I had an ability to heal me 1d8 and only had about 90 HP. I got lucky but I made it all the way through without dieing

>>5457555
Sup/tg/ - it archives it all.

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/5447813

The list of archives is here.
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html

>>5450956
how do you explain a rogue seeing the light and going pally?

>>5453205
what class was that? I'm having trouble finding that power

hey i heard you want accounting

so i brought some good stuff it hear

REMEMBER

APART FORM THE BOAT
WEHeRE The asste is in the water bottom

for profitiabiltiy

sales are on the bottom
HHAHAHA
how can you is having sales on the botttom
because it is profitabioity
ok lah?
m is a cool guy


now to learn some more of liquidity. cash flow ratio : netr cash flwo from opetartion activities /average current liability

itnerst

>>5447953

Did the exact same thing in a campaign once, except instead of kobolds they were this sort of werewolve type creature.

>>5458880

Warlock level 6 Utility, IIRC