*Hiss* Is anyone at all there? Did anyone survive that crash? *Static* -mperor I don't want to die out here.

Fail.

*crackle**hiss* Lock down your bulkheads and st*gunshots**crackle*ight.

Huh.
This is barracks 5553029, please identify yourself, you are using a restricted channel.

>>5557811
*Hiss* Survivors! Whats going on? Where are you? *Static*

*crackle* Oyi Dem humies are over der! Send in da boyz! *static*

>>5557824
*Crackle* -mperial world! Our Inquisitor's ship has crashed! *Hiss* We need assistance! *Static*

*Hisss*And when you get*Scrthc* You are the danci-*Hiss* Young and sweet

*hiss* OH no! There are orks approaching! *static*

Ready all forward facing cannons, I want that ship blown to pieces!

May the Emperor guide their souls...

Alright, this is getting annoying. Unknown signal, please identify yourselves, I am alerting the cruiser Sword of Humble Triumphs to a possible orkish incursion. Please respond with proper lane-transit codes and O.I.T. Numbers.

>>5557883
I don't know where we are! Is the Inquisitor ok?

>>5557896
Your currently transmitting from a debris field that surrounds one of Himas moons. I know not of any inquisitor's fate that passed through this sector, please transmit your current state and emergency. Please remain calm and remember, the Emperor protects those who don't get curt with the communications officers.

>>5557896

What inquisitor? Unless you identify yourselves we're unable to assist you.

What is the status of the ship?

*Khkhkh* ... *Unintelligible Necron-sounding noises* *More static*

This is Inquisitor Tom's ship, he was on his way to locations undisclosed when something went awry and we crashed!

Please wait while we access the records for validation. What is the inquisitors full name, rank, and current status?

>>5557922
You got promoted, Ted? Good for you!
Anyway, what's with everyone typing 'hiss' and 'crackle' and 'static' onto the vox-set wafers today?

>>5557962
No, just more temp duty. My unit is short handed as it is. As for the vox, No clue. Whispers in the warp again is my guess.

>>5557961
Two of those things I am unable to release without permission, and for the latter, MIA.

>>5557968
Cool man. Speaking of temp work, a few weeks ago our Valkyrie went down in a screaming pile of 'wrecked', so I got to ride shotgun in a Chimera for a few days. Let me tell you, ground combat....sucks.
Anyway, gonna go take a cruise in the new bird they assigned us. TTYL, in the Emperor's name.

>>5557976
Sir, I am sorry, we are unable to process your request, as it is without proper identification. Again, the light frigate Glory to his Protection is on it's way to lend assistance. Please clear the channels if there is nothing more to report.

*static* OH PRAISE THE EMPEROR! I'M ALIVE! *static* OH FU- *static followed by sounds of gun fires in the background*

>>5557990
Peace out dawg.

>>5558007
Unidentified person of interest, this is an Imperial channel, please relay proper identification and status.

>>5557981
Perhaps THIS is whats causing all the shooting outside!

>>5558029

*static* THIS IS PRIVATE MIKE OF THE 8th CADIAN REGIMENT! *static* ID NUMBER 466667890 *static* HELP! *static* FAIL- *static* RAPING *static* TAU *static*

>>5558059
Oh hey Mike. Rerouting some support your way. Emperor Protects.

Creed here. Hey, Ted. Thanks for the good work. Left you a little token of appreciation. Found it yet?

>>5558029
Ted is that you? Hey listen it's Nil. Dude you got to get a Valkyrie over here fast! There is so much stuff on this ship we can use. Send some of our guys to help me load it up and we can sell it off the the others. Come on I'll split the earnings with ya'.

>>5558111
Token of...
GOTTA GET OUT OF THIS BASE. **Transmission lost**

*static* Oi boss! Look wot I found! *static*

*hiss*This is the Free Trader Beowulf, is there anybody out there?*static*

*Cough* Ow...Oh this hurts... Ships aren't sposed to crash...

>>5558152
VARITY! Good to see you made it. You alright?

>>5558160
Ugh...sure...ruined my sleep...

*static* .....hello? ....Is anyone out there? .......I think I've been surrounded by Orks......

*Static* Eh-he-he, Noice Ea'd u'z got der Umie... *Hiss* Don't Moind if i takes it do u'z *Hiss*

>>5558165
Sleeps for the weak anyway. C'mon lets see if there are anymore transports on the deck. I want to load up the servitors stuff before the Inquisitor gets here. Grab a trolley.

>>5558186
*Cough* Who else is here? I'm fairly confident I haven't died...has anyone else?

This is the rogue trader Heracles. Beowulf is a fag. Over.

Also, their comm. systems suck. Over.

*teleports in* almost was shot by some gigantic creature, anyone else alive?

>>5558185

*static* ......OH FUCK! *static follows by gunfire*

*squeek, squelch high pitched squeel. Silence for a few moments.* This is Magos Vertis. Head of the Communications systems. Please be aware of *high pitched whine. Static, voice fades back in* -ity. All servents of the Emperor and the Omnissiah, report your current location and give sta-*More static, followed by silence.*

>>5558205
I think Mike is here somewhere and the blackguard is hanging out on the bridge. I'm picking up some other communications but by this point my vox-box is pretty much screwed. Kinda surprised it survived two crashes.

>>5558227
Heh...I think I am...whats going on here?

>>5558229

*static* DAKKA DAKKA DAKKA DAK*STATIC*KKA DAKKA DAKKA DAKKA *fshhhhhh*

>>5558237
We crashed I guess. I'm not entirely sure I was pretty much comatose from the meds the docs had me on.

How 'bout you? Can ya walk?

Ow that hurts...sounds like fighting...where'd that Commissar and the Inquisitor go?

>>5558185
*radio hissing* hey orks if you stop waaaghin' in there and go fight da tyranids i'll give each of you a yellow hat, blue shirt, black pants, and red shoes wot' make you go fasta.

Fnord

>>5558255
Heh...of course I can walk, who do you take me for, a spindly Eldar? Heh...*Cough*

>>5558268
careful sister, you are not cursed with the infinite endurance i have, you must save your strength

>>5558260
Not sure. Most communication is pretty fragmented. I'm going to see if I can get any of the remaining vehicle's comms systems up and running. Really hope the have a Valk this shit is heavy.

>>5558248

*static* OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT! SO MANY GUNS! I'M GOING TO DIE! I'M GOING TO FUCKING DIE! *static followed by sounds of lasfire in rapid mode*

>>5558288
I just hope that crash broke the Inquisitor's fancy defense systems. He did say not to *Cough* go into the tech bays.

>>5558264

Wut's dis den, Wen dem Bugeyes come in, cuz deyz roight proppa for a foight, I fink u;z lyin you Mutie'git now u'z gonna gif me your stuff or i'm gonna have to take it, Dont mattagonna take it anyhow, eh-heh-he

>>5558314
Sis look around you. Most of the power is out. Hell I wouldn't be surprised if the lower decks are completely pitch black. Now come on I think I hear gunfire.

>>5558339
Just try not to get *Cough* shot. Do you know where you're going?

Dis ship ere has some Big Rokkits, Fink i might loot a few and put'r on the ole Skullhamma and taker for a spin

>>5558363
I have a good idea. I just hope the elevator still has some power in it.

*lights a match* Well...I still can't see shit.

.....

>>5558379
You seem to know your way around better than I... *Cough* Perhaps we should find other nearby survivors?

>>5558325
but you and your boyz wont git tha stuff because i iz painted red inside, you and da boyz wont catch me.

......fuck.

*tzzaerra's ThrOn3! it w0rks... Greetingzzzt -hissss- survi-i-i-i-vors of Imp-uruals-iral--ial craft-shaft-laugh-ckkttzzt-.

Th-i-i-i-s uuhnit has been waiting 0ver th-th-th-thirsty-thrifty-grity -THIRTY!- local cycles for pickup. PLEEEzze... respond-respawn-restore-report!

Power under-ckkkzzat- ercent and..

PLEEEZzzz

Over thirty local -crack-

>>5558406
Well after the berzerker and the all the impostors I don't know how many are left. Though I'm pretty sure I heard mike on my vox, but this piece of slag is pretty fucked. I'm hoping I can find something to fix it up with in the tech bay.

>>5558416

But can u'z Outrun da Dakka?!

>>5558406
ma'am i could scout ahead after getting their orkz off our backs, i was born on xomula, im prepared for anything

>>5558441
I guess I'll just stick with you.
>>5558451
Um...what...am I in charge?

>>5558449
iz tha dakka red?

>>5558465
im a mutant, i cant command anyone. and the only other human currently here is a guardsman.

This is bad. I seriously can't see a thing. Wait....what is this? .....buttons? Well....since I don't have a choice...might as well do something.
.....
.....
.....
.....
.....
.....
--------ATTENTION! ATTENTION! SHIP'S SELF-DESTRUCT INITIATED! I REPEAT! SHIP'S SELF-DESTRUCT INITIATED!---------

.....fuck me.

>>5558466

The Dakka is Molten Hot Slag shot from a crudely manufactured but seemingly un jammable gun built for being loud and proud...Wat do you fink

>>5558432
'Fraid o' da dark 'umie?

>>5558465
I guess. I've never really paid attention to the whole military hierarchy. I just know that if a commissar tells me to do something either do it or hide out in the Chimera for a while.

Now hurry up we're almost there.....I think.

This is now a thread about Fergie

>>5558481
Oh...*Cough*...I think a hatch would be preferable to the tech bay right about now...unless you know how to shut off the self destruct...The most I know of Tech-Sorcery would be to shoot it.

>>5558487
iz green, it sounds proppa orky. but are your hands choppy? couz mine are.

>>5558491

*sounds of lasfire*

>>5558500
I like to talk with a keyboard and drums in the background. It's what I call, "singing."

Rejoice in the coming oblivion!

'tention tah that ship! Don't worry, mates. The Spice Marines's on the way. We 'eard yer signal and took a Thundahawk ova tah 'elp.

>>5558534
>Spice Marines
New chapter detected.

Where the hell am I ?

>>5558505
Dammit. I really wanted to check that place out. Well screw it self preservation rules out potential profit. Now hurry up we got to see if any transports are left. Unless you think you can outrun the explosion.

>>5558531
>>5558481
>>5558465
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF- WE GOT TO GET OUT OF JERE
*picks up verity and mike and jumps out the nearest hatch*

>>5558508
kan't 'it wot ya kan't seez...hurr hurr

>>5558559
Whoopah! Roight in'a tha bay! Noice jump, mate. Issat all of yah?

>>5558552
in the ventilation system of a blackguard ship, thats about to explode, i suggest you gtfo so i can kill you later.

>>5558559
Eeek!

HEY WAIT DON'T LEAVE ME!!!

>>5558590
jump down the shoot, ill catch you!,
*puts verity and mike down*

>>5558607
>>5558582

*Jump into Mutant arms*

>>5558607
Hmm thats a long fall.......fuck it. Even if I die here the fall should be kinda fun.

INCOMING!!

>>5558623
Don't go breaking the rest of your limbs!

Let's go, let's go! We ain't got all day tah 'ang around. Git everyone in 'ere.


... 'oosat big green 'un ovah there?

>>5558623
gotcha now we gotta gtfout of here

>>5558566
>>5558559

I'M GETTING THE FUCK OUTTA HERE! I RUN ON MY OWN PATCH!

Ah can't see too well wit' me 'at on. Issat your green Ogryn fella comin' in?

>>5558635
RUN LIKE HELL!! GET TO THA' TRANSPORT!!

>>5558634
'ahn ork guy mebbe?

>>5558634
It be nufin' boss, let'z git outta 'ere.

>>5558645
thats no ogryn, thats a waaaghboss, RUN LIKE SPICE NEEDS TO FLOW.

>>5558660
Roight then. Sounds like yer already were 'elpin' em out, thar, Brother Spice Marine. Lets get outta 'ere. Seat belts 'n tray tables in upright... Bah, Warp it.
*THROTTLE TO 12*

>>5558671
*Cough* Get me a gun!

C'MON VARITY MOVE IT I'M NOT DIEING HERE!!


*throws Varity over his shoulder and charges for the transport*

>>5558695
Eeek! The irony!

>>5558687
*buckles seatbelt*
no wait thats an angry lunchboss, thank god we got away in time.

Fuck....in range of the explosion....

>>5558704
*Drops Varity into seat*

I'm really hoping that it's your power armor that weighs so much. Damn near threw out my back.

>>5558712
i suggest you roll up your window.

>>5558718
*Cough* Heh...I'd threaten you, but I somehow don't quite feel like it.

*a few hours later*

*Slam into the ground*

uuugh

so verity, mike, what planets are you from?

>>5558705
Yup, 'e be 100% roight. So wot's next? Dere's a noice astroid field close by, oi knowz of. Gotsa base full o' chaps who'd help youz out, oi'z sure of it

Roight. Well, welcome tah the Spice Marine Battle Bahg "Dauntless Litigation." The 'elmsmen will talk your ear off if yah get 'im started, so shut up around 'im. We always got room for accommodation 'ere. Rooms ah to yer left, mess 'all to the roight.

I'M STILL ALIVE! .....wait...where is everyone? And where the fuck is that imperial vehicle going?

>>5558753
*Cough* Hadron Tertius...though I don't suppose you've heard of it...

Hey, where's Mike at?

>>5558775
nope sorry, i didnt learn much of other planets on xomula

>>5557739
Anyone got any better links?
--
Learn English: http://vtbsd.net/english/
Use English: http://www.anøntalk.com/ICARE

>>5558827
Eh...not surprising...its a stupid world...Well, at least we aren't all incinerated...but *Cough* what now?

>>5558840
Yer welcome tah pick a room and get sum grub. We're en route with a tradin' ship tah drop off some foodstuffs. Gotta protec'em from Ork Lootin'. Them Boyz love apples, as it were.

>>5558840
we heal and wait, untill we are sent back.*sigh* to tell you the truth, after this is over, im going to apply for a position as a rouge trader, not many people like me, so i decided that traveling around the universe would be better for me.

>>5558840
I don't know. I was going to hit the comm links and see if I can't find anymore guardsman in the area. If nothing else I can grab a few things from the armory and see what I can sell of later to the other guardsman once I get reassigned. Want to come along? They might have melta's here and I want to grab one.

I suppose I should *Cough* call Miria or something...

>>5558904
If ya really NEED to make a vox transmission, yer gonna need to head to that thar bridge. DON'T Talk ta Wroight. He don't stuff it wot for no'un.

>>5558904
is that the name of your sister?

>>5558943
Shes my Superior. Not terribly likable, but you can rely on her. *Cough* Nil and Haxtes would know what I'm talking about...heh...

>>5558870
'E be roight. Da red ones be tasty, but oi eats 'em too fast. Da green ones are roight orky, but dey tuffer ta eat

>>5558955
Of course...speaking to the Guardsman who tried to blow me up with a Baneblade...

>>5558955
Heh heh heh. Oh ya.

>>5558962
Uh, er...Stupid zeenos , alwayz muckin wif da fruit

>>5558962
So, Brothah Spice Marine, wanna 'elp me inspect those storage containahs?

>>5558963
All in the past. No need to carry a grudge.

Now where the hell is the armory? Ah here we are......

Could any of you by chance begin broadcasting a distress signal? I can provide the proper codes...

>>5558985
Ah...Hello there...er...This isn't what it looks like.

>>5558982
Does a grot need stompin'? Sure do

>>5558955
oh ok.
>>5558938
hey buddy wheres the water? im startin to see things

>>5558991
Sure let me just check out this stuff. Emperor know's when I get back I'm going to get crap to replace my old stuff. I want to-......

>>5558993
Hey Varity you still got that Bolter on you?

*Hivemind, we've found juicy food! Come to us at once!*

>>5559002
Mess 'all is roight down that 'allway. Speak wit' Brothah Chef. 'e'll set yah up.

>>5559001
Great. Les' get goin'.
*leads off down to the storage decks*

>>5559032
Look, I you don't want to shoot me, and I'm a chap that's been in an armory full of guns for a few hours. So I'll just take this bag full of bombs, and leave nice and quietly.

>>5559032
Um...I'm sorry, but holding on to that pistol was hardly the most pressing thing *Cough* on my mind.

'ere we are.

>>5559047
>>5559050
Well I'm not passing up the opportunity to win some brownie point's with the Commissar's. GRAB HIM!!

See this? This here is a primed melta gernade. See this in my other hand? A storm bolter. Now your going to step the FUCK BACK. OR I SWEAR TO ANY GOD THAT'LL LISTEN. I WILL MAKE YOU YESTERDAYS STAIN.

>>5559094
Oh for the love of the Emperor...how do I keep ending up in these positions...

>>5559094
*consumes* that'l hold me till i can find some water, now where was i?

>>5559074
:O...datz...datz beeutiful.
Gimme a moment...
*turns away and mumbles into something*
...Yup, it's da best collection of fruit oi eva sees

>>5559094
Fuck.

Now now no need to get violent. I'm sure we can talk something out here.

>>5559094
*TELEFRAG*

OI! We're back from the shop. We got the Cornettos.

>>5559102
You've been hanging around me too much. Trust me you get use to this shit. Also you learn alot of things the Schola never teaches you.

No. NO TALKING. I AM HAVING A BAD DAY. YOU WILL MOVE, AND I WILL LEAVE.

>>5559113
hey ork, want these red shoes?

>>5559113
This way. we can find a good spot for camping and hopefully transmitting a good signal.

>>5559138
Hey man you need to relax. See I'm an unarmed guardsman what am I going to do to you? Now look if you lower the bolter I'm sure we can reach a mutually enjoyable "agreement".

>>5559122
*BLAM. BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM.*
THIS IS NOT YOUR DAY.

Attention Astartes cruiser, this is the Inquisition vessel Ascendant Glory. You will stand down, you will be boarded, and you will present no opposition. Failure to comply to these demands will be met with purification. We are approaching from starboard.

>>5559161
IM AM LEAVING BEFORE ANYONE ELSE DOES SOMETHING VERY STUPID.

>>5559163

*Ted suddenly sees that his gun has been replaced by a banana*

>>5559175
Too late your talking to me and that's already a point against that.

>>5559166
WOT? SPEAK UP! WE'RE 'AVING TROUBLE GETTIN' YER CODES.

I REMEMBAH BACK WHEN A CODE WAS A SINGLE DIGIT! NONE'A THESE NEW 14 CHAR'CTER WOTSITS.

>>5559187
Being a smart ass to the guy with a Melta charge......

>>5559175
EMPEROR HOW MANY OF YOU ARE THERE I ATE YOU A MINUTE AGO.>>5559110

How did I know something like this would happen...

>>5559208
Eeek! Where did you come from?!

>>5559199
Relax I got this. Trust me.

Inquisition vessel Ascendant Glory is docked starboard. Failure to open engaged hatches will be overridden with force. You have 2 minutes to comply.

>>5559113
I'dnit just?

Roight, well, you can start ovah thah. I'll be checking them Bills of Ladin' fer errors.

>>5559208
oh hey, you made it, good.

>>5559219
You know what? No.
*BLAM*
*FLEE*

>>5559214
I just finished digging myself out of my private chambers. Luckily, as far as I can tell, the majority of the menagerie is safely tucked away within the confines of their void-shielded cells, so at least my work is fine. But as for everything else, I've got a lot of cleaning to do...

>>5559141
Ork? Wot ork? it'z jus me, Spicy boyz friend. Yup. Definatly not an ork.

>>5559231
'OL' YER THRONE-BE-DAMNED GROX. WE'RE LETTIN' YAH IN.

DURN INQUISITERS. ALWAYS THE PUSHIN' IN'ER YER STUFF. I REMEMBER BACK WHEN THEY WEREN' ALL FLASHY WOT WIT' THEIR BIG SHIPS N' WOTSITS.

>>5559245
Oh emperor not again. Damn that's pretty deep. Fuck me.

*HACK*HACK*COUGH*

Dammit all.

>>5559249
(yeah right, i was trained to find xenos spys) ok, buddy if you go stomp that heretic grot over there, ill give you these red shoes.

>>5559257
APOTHACARY! GIT THAT MAN SOME AID!

PURGE THAT 'ERETIC!

*HEAVY FLAMAH*

rolled 20 = 20

>>5559272
*Melta 'Nade toss*

Lo! All faithful to the God-Emperor stand true! Your distress beacon was received sister. I'm sure you will be chastised for dereliction of duty at the first available opportunity! In the mean time, who are these people? And what have you been doing?

*hack*

Medic?

>>5559289
Oh delightful...

*Escapes yet again*

>>5559289
Not even sure where to start, but I know I woke up recently buried in the wreckage of my own ship.

>>5559289
Oh this just gets better and better.

>>5559267
Dat'z roihgt easy, it it is

>>5559301
(ambushes from behind, and slashes throat with knife)

>>5559313
Lord Inquisitor! A pleasure, if not coincidence, to meet you again. Could I trouble you for a status report, along with a list of my errant sister's activities while away?
>>5559300
Matters can wait! Take Varity to the Hospitaller!

>>5559289
weve been fighting chaos and xenos, what have you been doing for the past couple of hours!?

>>5559313
Totally not my fault sir. I was in the med bay. Varity can confirm that.

Speaking of which can I go to the med bay now?

>>5559323
Uhhh...That was actually the Apothecary. Bye.

>>5559346
Ugh...Sisters, apply field dressings, his wounds are insignificant and can wait.

>>5559323
fuck it, for that you also get this yellow hat, and these black gloves *gives stuff*

>>5559342
My Blackship is burning, most of my specimens seem to be intact, and the wreckage is crawling with Heretics and xenos. I'll need to have the Inquisitorial sector command called up to provide transportation for my specimens back to my facilities.
Oh, and Varity hasn't been very bad at all. I dare say she could have been far worse.

>>5559347
OH GOD WHAT.

>>5559378
Welcome tah our Battle Bahg, Inquisitah. I trust you 'ad a noice trip?

>>5559347
You cheeky 'eretic, you'z dead when i says ya dead!

rolled 4 = 4

>>5559347
Oi'm fine.

>>5559378
Hm, I would have expected worse from her... I'll dispatch a squad to cleanse the wreckage, if it pleases you Lord. I believe I barged in rather rudely, this appears to be an Astartes Cruiser, but of a chapter who's heraldry I am quite unfamiliar with.

>>5559418
Agreeable, have the wreckage purged of anything that isn't impriosned in a void cell.
And their heraldy and accent is quite beyond me. I'm afraid I've never encountered such... singularly unique Astartes...

>>5559410
*BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM*
No. I'm quite determined to live.

>>5559418
We're tha Spice Marines. We follow owah Great Wulf 'oro onwards tah glory in the name o' the Emprah.

>>5559433
YOU! Heretic! Sisters! Light him ablaze with fury comparable to that he manifests! None blight the Lord Inquisitor's presence with such blatant blasphemy!

Anyone notices that when it comes to ships, we always got ourselves into troubles?

Oof. Well at least I can stand now. Don't mind me I'm just drag myself to the med bay now.

*sneaks into armory*

>>5559433
Oh, it's on now, ya pafetic, snivilin, squigfeed.
*DAKKADAKKADAKKA*

>>5559458
I SWEAR. WHATS IT TAKE TO GET FIVE FUCKING FEET.

>>5559461
Once again not my fault. Frankly I much rather having solid terra under my feet. Took me years to get used to travel like this.

>>5559469
*Grabs by collar* Where do you think you're going Guardsman?

>>5559478
OH FER.
XENOTECH A GO GO.
*Vanishes*

Great Wulf 'oro is tha wises of our chaptah.

We lost ah primahk to a space manta wraith. Tragic, realleh. 'e got its tail roight in the 'eart.

>>5559488
Umm... Taking Inventory ma'am?

>>5559511
No, he isn't. Notice he's a Guardsman and not a Blackguard. Execute him if he tries raiding my stuff again.

>>5559511
Taking a deviant page from Varity's book are you? I think not, no Guardsman inventories Astartes stock! I'll shoot you here and now!

>>5559505
*za warudo's*
i dont think so you waste of space
WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

>>5559533
>>5559523
Of course! What was I thinking? All this blood loss is making me confused. Off to the med bay then.

>>5559523
but sir wouldnt you try to get better weapons if you only had a heatbeam? and i dont mean that in any heretical way.

So, none of yah wont a Cornetto? Oh well. More for me.

*walks off trying to unwrap a Cornetto with a chainfist*

Ah.......Emperor preserve us, what happened?

*crackle* Guardsmen? Inquisitor? Hello? *crackle*

Looks like I was thrown clear of the ship, and my Bolter seems to be missing. Fuck.

I can hear sounds of fighting. I guess I'll head that way.

*Can anyone here me? Is anyone receiving? This Is Brother Sergeant Lazarus of the Blood Angels, can anyone here me?*

>>5559548
Since the Inquisitor grants you reprieve I will stay my hand. Shall you ever be found wanting again I'll cleanse you with all fire mandated!
And med bay? Your wounds barely warrant a tube of synth-flesh! Varity had 4 broken ribs, a fractured femur, and severe internal organ trauma my medicae reports! Yet she stood still while you limp to a bed!

>>5559544
*Steamroller*
WRYYYYYYYYYYY

>>5559570
*gubbin noises* i hear you loud n' clear, and if you are wondering im talking to you with my brain, apparently my mind reading skill upgraded*heartbeating* so what do you want?

>>5559584
She has power armor. I have faded fatigues and my armor is falling apart as I haven't been issued a new suit for at least a year now. Plus I just took a bolter round. Also Earlier I was smashed under a Valkyrie. So I'm going to lay down for a minute before I pass out.

>>5559570
Doez ya got strawberry? oi'z fond o doze oi is

>>5559588
NO U *counterattack*

>>5559608
OH U
*AUTO-PARRY*

This entire thread is just as planned.

I swear to the Emperor and Omnissiah that damned radio better not be broken again.

>>5559620
That makes me hate you so damn much right now.

>>5559588
HERETIC

>>5559594
MUTANT

>>5559602
AN ORK

WHAT IN THE NAME OF THE EMPEROR IS GOING ON HERE.

>>5559600
>>5559584
I DEMAND A STATUS UPDATE BEFORE I KILL EVERYTHING IN THIS ROOM.

>>5559627
Shit has gone down sir. That is all.

>>5559616
*MISS* attacks with: trollery: NO ALL OF U

>>5559627
.........................
THAT DOESN'T EXPLAIN SHIT

>>5559627
Stay your fury Astartes. I believe the Lord Inquisitor can offer a much better explanation than I could.

>>5559602
Oh. 'ere ya go, Brothah.

*loads 4 Cornettos into the Assault Cannon*

WHIRRRRRRRR-BRAKKA BRAKKA BRAKKA BRAKKA *delicious wooshes*

>>5559637
*Natural 20 shield breaks!*
*TED ABSCONDS YET AGAIN*

>>5559620
just as planned
>>5559627
*organs agian* IM FIGHTIN CHAOS N XENOS, also i tricked the ork into helping fight the heretic*heartbeats*

>>5559644
Alright, alright. I need some of Grandfather Dreadnoughts coffee. Its the only thing that keeps the rage at bay.

*Takes out flask and drinks heavily*

>>5559649
These..."Astartes"... insult the title...their free time would be better spent in devotion to service! Not in indulgement.

>>5559659
Pretty much as the Guardsman said, shit has gone down. Exactly what kind of shit, I'm not sure. But I suspect some purging will be entirely necessary.

>>5559654
*special attack:everchange*

>>5559649
mmm, dat's darn tasty it is.

>>5559624
Why in the Omnissiah's name are you using a Cherub instead of a Skull probe, Cogfather? Surely Cherub's are things of the Ecclisiarchy.

... Wait... what do those purity seals say?

>>5559670
Then I am in time for the best part!

>>5559626

I'd grin if I had a mouth.

>>5559670

Purging is always necessary, my boy.

>>5559680
i think they are grocery lists

>>5559670
So, what is our intended plan of action?

Is this an inhabited world? Has the wreckedge of the ship been fortified? How many able bodied men and women do we have? What is attacking us? Why are these 2 pretend fighting?

Has help been notified?

>>5559670
You should talk to your blackguard your medicae had me on so much crap I was comatose up until the ship crash. After that me and Varity searched the ship for a short while before being forced to retreat from the location. What with the horrible injuries and Ork hoard and all. Also I'm pretty sure Guardsman Mike is dead.

>>5559686
You again foul Heretic! The Emperor blesses me with a plentiful amount of purgation this day!

>>5559696
I finished digging myself out of my suite just moments ago, so I have about as much of a clue as you.

HOLD IT! STOP! Everything is getting a little bit too confused! WHY IS EVERYONE ON THIS SHIP!?

>>5559696
My Sisters, at the request of the Lord Inquisitor, have already begun securing the wreckage.

>>5559705
Honestly? I tried that once. He isn't worth it. He'll just spit riddles and mysteries at you until your head hurts. Here, have some of Grandfather Dreadnoughts coffee, it helps stem righteous fury.

>>5559696
*still wierd noises* inhabited by the spice marine chapter, the ship sploded b4 we could fortify it,dunno,lol i dunno, his attacks are so feeble they dont effect me, im just messing with his corrupt mind*moar wierd noises*

Roight. Everyone:

SHUT YER WARPIN' 'ATCHES AN' CALM 'HE 'ELL DOWN!

Spice Marines foight well's any otha Marines, but we use TACT.

E'ryone just si'down an' 'ave a Cornetto. We'll sort dis out.

>>5559726
No taunting of heretics can stay my righteous fury! My mind if proof against foul sorcery and trickery!

>>5559696
Well sir I do believe most of the crew was killed in the crash. I know the two of us almost were. As for fortifications I'm not entirely sure. Also give me a little bit and I can help out just give me a Chimera or Basilisk. Give Varity a flamer and I'm sure she'd be on the front line.

>>5559720
Great

>>5559724
We need ammunition and Medical kits. Dispatch a team of sisters to gather all they can.

>>5559721
...

Guardsmen mike became a Blood Angel, who are you and why are you pretending to be Mike?

>>5559680
Who fucking cares? Some one is firing Cornettos!

>>5559741
Varity is about as dependable as a mind scrubbed ork!

>>5559705

I know, my dear; I've met him in person. He's a great drinking buddy if you can find a bar large enough to house a legion; oh, yes.

>>5559726

That's always fun.

>>5559721

I'm here because my plans require me to be here, my boy.

>>5559743

What? I'm Guardsman Mike. I was warped here from another dimension as a transfer because your Mike in this dimension is dead. And you look familiar.....dejavu.

>>5559743
Yeah, I know.
Going to go sit down over there and jave a drink.
-pulls out hip flask and takes a swig-
Today is just not my day...

>>5559743
Certainly! Hospitaller are already on the ground for survivor recovery.

>>5559741
Fantastic, sounds good.
>>5559737
You need to relax, sister. He's not trying to kill us, is he? While I would normally kill the shit out of him, he isn't a problem at the moment. One step at a time.
>>5559735
No.

>>5559774
Heresy grows from idleness! Thus, an idle heretic is extra heretical! And must be purged with extreme prejudice!

>>5559785
He has a point, Sister. We've tried purging Rubric time and time again to no avail. We'll handle him when things calm down a bit.

>>5559766
Battle Brother Mike is dead?

A fellow Angel has been lost. I am saddened by his departure, but he has gone to join the Emperor.

>>5559772
Fantastic. See if you can find my Bolter, it seems to have been....misplaced.

>>5559769
*sits* I hear you. Christ, this sucks. Is there anyone else on this desolate world?

where'd da 'eretic git go? da one from before.
Did da mutie stomp 'im? i 'ope not, dat smug bastard needs a 'ard beatin'

>>5559810
We have plenty of Bolters to spare, though, if you desire a specific one, I can instruct the neophytes to look for one.

*pulls off hat and helmet, green skined human, puts hat back on, eating cornetto*

Well this 'ere is a Spice Marine. *pats Ork on the back*

And 'es good wit' us. Cause 'es ona us. And Les just cut the chattah down. We'll get riddah this 'ere 'eretic like we do always.

*Pushes the button marked 'Convenient Plot Device' and removes all heresy from the ship with a loud "BZZZOT"*

>>5559827
Yes, I do. Its a relic of my chapter. Please be on the lookout for it.

>>5559827

Can I have one ma'am?

>>5559835
You do know that your just a break off chapter from the space wolves, right?

Also, I brought some support ships. Anyone request some reinforcements?

>>5559802
If you wish it, Lord.
>>5559841
I will instruct accordingly.

>>5559843
A Guardsman who actually desires to be useful? Ha! Besides, weren't you hobbling your way to the medical bay for some minor injuries? I would hate for you to supplement them with a dislocated shoulder.

>>5559848
*eyes twitch*

WE AIN'T DEM SPICE WOLFS. WE'RE SPICE MARINES. WE LOST AH PRIMARCH TAH THE SPACE MANTA WRAITH N' WE BEEN 'UNTIN' IT EVER SINCE!

*flips switch on Cornetto, creating a POWER CORNETTO*

'N AH'LL PURGE 'NEONE WOT SAY OTHAWISE.

>>5559774

How do you know that, my boy? I may have caused this crash, after all.

>>5559785

Oh, you Sisters, and your talk of heresy and purging. You're all so dreadfully boring; oh, yes.

>>5559802

Even if you could, Tom, I would just go back into the Warp. I don't want to go back there, especially without my transport.

>>5559848
Hey Ted! Long time no see. What are you doin' around here. You should get ready for a fight I think we're goin' to war.

>>5559864
I got better.

(Damn I see why Varity hates this bitch)

>>5559873
*drinks coffee to be calm*

>>5559864
Give it to him, we need all the help we can get. Also, quit bantering.

>>5559843
Make yourself useful.

>>5559875
I was doing...pool..chores...
>>5559871
Oh. You mean Russ? I mean. I could of swore that something of that nature happened while he was in the warp. Being a Primarch of the Space Wolves and all. Wolves. Yep. Space. Wolves.

>>5559904
Seems like a waste of ammunition, but we can always retrieve the weapon from his corpse.
I will direct my Sisters in the battle below from the Tactical Room in the Ascendant Glory.
>>5559891
I'll send someone out with your supplication, Guardsman.

>>5559904
Yes sir. Thank you sir.

Alright babe lets get that Basilisk ready for combat.

>>5559904

That angers you, my boy? I've seen your... incident on that planet. Quite a tactical blunder; oh, yes.

>>5559946
*LOTS OF COFFEE. DRINKING ALL THE COFFEE*

>>5559983
I have a shipment of coffee for you right here astarte.

>>5559998
GOOD MAN. I'd hi 5 you but with my armour on I might crush your hand.

>>5560011

>>5559983
I can hook a hellhound up with tanks of coffee if you like sir.

>>5559998

Oh, don't spoil the fun, Teddie.

>>5559983

What about the campaign on E157? The accident on the 'Emperor's Light'?

>>5560015
Just because its saging doesn't mean it needs to be relocated.

-Inquisitorial transports come in-
And there's my ride. They'll load my specimens up and I'm done with you folks, as I've got a visit with Grampa Dreanought I don't want to be late for.

>>5560024
....oh. I think you may have made a mistake. That was before my time, almost 1000 years ago.

I think your age is catching up to you.

>>5560032
I'm coming with you, I don't want to miss it. Bye, everyone.