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  • File : 1253505321.jpg-(179 KB, 620x853, pancakes.jpg)
    179 KB Anonymous 09/20/09(Sun)23:55 No.5946371  
    Okay /tg/, someone posited a while back that the only reason that liches ever lose is because they get bored and want to try something else, like opening a tavern. I proposed the idea of a lich that opens the tavern anyway (with the justification that it would make the typical "Your party meets at a tavern..." opening a hell of a lot more interesting).

    Now, I want to treat this as seriously as possible. Occasional kingdoms laying siege to the tavern (only to be alternately ripped to shreds by dark magic, or be paid off with the recipe for the greatest recipe for whiskey known to all of dwarfkind), various sorts of supernatural and/or extraplanar creatures visiting for some reason or another, and various other madness and nonsense designed to garner interest from the players taking these unusual and gratuitous events and treating them in a purely serious fashion.

    Any ideas for potential plot hooks, events, bystanders, or amusing occurences? suggestions as to how having a (mostly) benign lich settle down to open a tavern on a commonly used trade route would effect trade, politics, and so forth are also welcome.
    >> Anonymous 09/21/09(Mon)00:42 No.5946906
    first of all, the RAW states that a lich isn't necessarily evil, just not good.

    Something that might be common enough for the lich to get complacent about is Inevitables- the lawful neutral constructs that are supposed to smack down people who cheat death, fuck with time, and i forgot what the other one did. Anyway(i'm going to use the name drew for our lich) Drew's got a tally mark for the number of times a construct has plane-shifted itself into his tavern/inn and attempted to destroy him only for his patrons and him to fuck it up good.

    Drew is a very likable guy, once you manage to get past the OH FUCK! LICH! reaction that most first-timers to the tavern have, and all the regulars are perfectly willing to die to keep him safe, they'd do this even if they didn't know about drew's resurrection policy-You die on his land, and he'll have you Raised- this policy has made Drew's place perfect for being used as neutral ground.

    he owns the land under the tavern, and for a few miles around it, Technically he's the ruler of a small kingdom with a small permanent population and a very large tourist/transient population
    >> Anonymous 09/21/09(Mon)01:16 No.5947278
    Now, Drew and his home are situated on the world's equivalent of the Silk Road and greedy, ambitious people will often invade his home in an attempt to take it, this usually fails spectacularly against drew's magic and the army of mindless undead that protects (assuming it isn't an evil act to create zombies/skeletons, and other mindless undead) his home from armies.

    Of course, if you ask drew about the one time it did succeed he'll tell you he doesn't want to talk about it, He'll also deny that he's the same person as the good emperor of whatever world he's on. People are always getting him and the good emperor mixed up. He really wishes people would stop asking.

    plot hook- Drew's place has run out of alcohol due to the latest attempt on drew's unlife (damn constructs are never careful around the liquor) and he's too busy to order more, the PCs are given a list and told to handle it for him.

    A neighboring king's (queen's) only heir has run away and decided to join an adventuring party in drew's place. Due to the fact that he's a sovereign nation (Don't like it? you're welcome to join the gallery of previous rulers who are now part of drew's army) they cannot simply retrieve their child by force. the party is tasked with covert retrieval of the brat
    >> Anonymous 09/21/09(Mon)01:23 No.5947359
    Drew decides he wants to take vengeance upon his parents for naming him such a stupid name. Unfortunately, they have been dead for centuries. As he has to maintain his tavern, he asks the npcs to travel to gehenna, their current place of residence, to make their unlives even more hellish than they currently are.
    >> Anonymous 09/21/09(Mon)01:30 No.5947438
    His co owner is a succubus who just got tired of all the mind games and evil plots and now just uses her charisma to collect interesting stories from patrons that wander through and helps out the liche with situations that require diplomacy.
    >> Anonymous 09/21/09(Mon)01:31 No.5947461
    I'm picturing this like some crazy mixed up version of DS9 & Quark's bar.
    >> Anonymous 09/21/09(Mon)01:34 No.5947488
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    >> Anonymous 09/21/09(Mon)01:37 No.5947537
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    >> fag 09/21/09(Mon)01:39 No.5947568
    I'm >>5947278

    I'm out of ideas, going to archive this and see if anyone else contributes when i wake up
    >> Anonymous 09/21/09(Mon)01:42 No.5947593
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    >> Anonymous 09/21/09(Mon)01:43 No.5947600
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    >> Anonymous 09/21/09(Mon)01:44 No.5947619
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    >> Anonymous 09/21/09(Mon)01:44 No.5947621
    OP fails.


    Perfectly normal.
    >> Anonymous 09/21/09(Mon)01:45 No.5947627
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    >> Anonymous 09/21/09(Mon)01:46 No.5947640
    >>5947621 Perfectly normal.

    I wish there was a setting where it was. Far too many fantasy settings are "Human civilisation besieged by an array of monsters".

    Subsequent books and manuals, then give said monsters civilisations, and you wonder why no trade or the like is going on...
    >> Anonymous 09/21/09(Mon)01:50 No.5947679
    >> fag 09/21/09(Mon)01:51 No.5947689
    nevermind, sleep can wait

    >>5947488 yes, that is where i got the name from. Tavern Drew will neither confirm nor deny that he is the same as the drew that conquered the fucking world and smacked bane silly for the love of Kiara if asked. now this is my take on things, but i figure Emperor Drew would get bored after a few thousand years of ruling and hand the reins to someone he trusts to not fuck up the world- Maybe he got Kiara from the tropical paradise and declared her queen of fucking everything while he took a long deserved vacation.

    Emperor Drew dissappears, a few years later there's this really nice tavern situated on one of the biggest trade-routes that exist and for some reason the owner is a really nice guy once you get past the whole 'undead thing that looks like it wants to kill me'

    another way to take is that they really are two different people. Innkeep Drew goes plane-hopping for a while and lands on a tropical island, a sexy, sexy voice exclaims "Drew, is that you?"

    Okay, I admit it, i Love Drew the lich and Kiara
    >> Sommunist !CvgOA2wCo2 09/21/09(Mon)01:52 No.5947695
    A Dwarven Paladin hears of a local lich-lord and declares a crusade on the tavern; hilarity ensues when the dorf realize just what he's laying siege to.

    The "neutral ground" tenet is broken as demons and devils start a brawl in the place, effectively bringing the Blood War into the bar. Drew wants the commanders on BOTH sides to pay for the damages. But, he's busy. Can you run an errand for him?

    A Divine Proxy of Bauchhus has opened a tavern in a nearby kingdom, stealing much of Drew's business. Drew suspects the tavern owner may be lacing his ale with Suggestion spells.

    After their latest Teleport spell goes awry, the party crashes through the roof of Drew's tavern. They get to work off their debt; either in the tavern (with all the zaniness that entails) or running errands.

    Duergar tunnel up from below the tavern to steal some of Drew's world-famous ale.

    Through years of trial and error, Drew has concocted the best ale ever brewed. After tasting it, everything else tastes like ashes. Literally. Drew asks you to find a cure for this condition.
    >> Anonymous 09/21/09(Mon)01:53 No.5947702

    I always liked the theory that it's because humanity is run by crazy racists and everyone is too dense to realize this.
    >> Anonymous 09/21/09(Mon)01:53 No.5947710
    >I wish there was a setting where it was.
    >IN SIGIL.
    Guess what? In Sigil, while liches don't go around opening taverns all the time, it's not exactly the weirdest thing around when it happens. Across the street from the lich's tavern you'll probably a Pit Fiend playing tonsil-hockey with a Solar while a Kender pokes a hole in the Pit Fiend's condom and puts it back in his pocket.
    >> Anonymous 09/21/09(Mon)02:01 No.5947796
    Drew's tavern hosts Tarrasquemas parties every time the Big Guy wakes up. Because the Tarrasque is a Pretty Cool Guy, drinks are always on the house. Big T always ends up getting involved in some hilarious property destruction whenever there's a Tarrasquemas party, but the cops don't do anything about it, because hey - it's the Tarrasque. And he is one. cool. guy.
    >> Drew 09/21/09(Mon)02:10 No.5947903
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    Tsk tsk, Drew is a complete mama's boy. And he's only been a lich for a little over a decade.

    Aw, you guys have so much love for a drawfag. It's really quite touching.
    >> Anonymous 09/21/09(Mon)02:11 No.5947916
    A large grouping of both kobolds and gnomes have both rented out two adjacent areas of the tavern for a party, and Drew can immediately tell that this is not going to work out; however, both groups have been good customers, so he can't simply bump one group off in favor of the other. Can you find a way to keep the celebrations from becoming a bloodbath?

    Two Lords from rival fiefs have decided to meet in the tavern to settle their disputes, but assassins have mingled into the crowd. Drew wants you to find them, and discern their purpose.

    A Holy Order has been formed with the express purpose of purging the tavern from the land. Find out it's backers and convince them to remove their support for the order.

    A band of refugees from a local conflict have spilt onto Drew's land, and are requesting sanctuary. Drew wouldn't care, but the band is attracting army units and raiders, and hurting business.
    >> fag 09/21/09(Mon)02:12 No.5947934
    some drat kender/thief(something or other) has made off with drew's collection of trophy spell-books (every time he defeats a caster he takes their book) He's far too busy to leave his tavern, would you be willing to get them back for him?

    the last crusading paladin(s) killed Someone Important(Make up something), he needs someone who doesn't detect as evil to go find and talk the paladin(s) into returning and atoning for their crimes while he keeps the Important Somebody's family from simply ordering a hit on the paladins at fault (or using their political might to have the paladins declared wanted criminals), Drew's a really nice guy, he's nice even to people who tried to kill him.

    -Something- happened last night while drew was busy (explain or not), and now one of the doors in drew's tavern is a Gate to somewhere (Sigil? the city of brass? Union? Pick a place) Drew needs to find out what happened, and if the guests on the other side of the door are okay, he tasks the party with this while he prepares to close or move the gate to a better location. It turns for the worst when the party discovers that the guests on the other side have gone through the gate and they need to go through, find and maybe rescue the guests for drew.

    Emperor Drew and Innkeep Drew are two different people, and Emperor has heard rumors of Innkeep Drew, Illithid and other minions of Emp Drew begin showing up to investigate Innkeep drew, they find a woman named Kiara staying at the inn
    >> fag 09/21/09(Mon)02:20 No.5948014

    Drew misses his parents, he has commissioned the party to break into hell(insert afterlife here) and bring them to him so he can talk with them, maybe offer them an Unlife and a job. he figures his parents would be proud of him for all he's accomplished.

    As for the age thing, i'm projecting into the future, maybe far enough that his glorious empire has sadly fallen and everyone remembers his rule as the good old days before the gods decided their petty feuds were more important than the happiness of their worshippers

    (big god-war causes return to status quo, drew manages to escape destruction, sets up tavern, bang, here we are)
    >> fag 09/21/09(Mon)02:40 No.5948190
    It has been decades since the last tarrasquemas and drew misses his friend. he has offered a reward of free drinks for life to whomever can find the tarrasque and feeds his best bud breakfest before the party kicks into high-gear

    After all, Drew is a really great guy
    >> Anonymous 09/21/09(Mon)02:59 No.5948365

    Aww, the poor children!
    >> Anonymous 09/21/09(Mon)03:10 No.5948465
    Well. I'm not SUPER good at coming up with story ideas? But character concepts are my favorite. So what I was thinking... for the appearance of the Lich? Give him a normal human(or whatever race) face. It moves normal. Feels normal. Even moves normally.

    Of course... Lich's usually sacrifice some skin or... all of it. So what you could do? Have him wear a long sleeve shirt. Something like buccaneers wear. Gloves. Brown pants. Boots. This is of course if you want to describe with that amount of depth. Have him basically look like a normal human. But should he take off those clothes? Completely skeletal. Not a bit of tissue to be found bellow the neck.

    His phylactery could also be an empty bottle of Ale or Whiskey or whatever... Held in a display case to commemorate the "First Empty Bottle" he ever had in his business.
    >> Anonymous 09/21/09(Mon)03:56 No.5948929
    Do you KNOW how LONG it's been since I had REAL maple syrup?


    Excellence, thy name is Xenophilia.
    >> Anonymous 09/21/09(Mon)04:10 No.5949078
    Tarrasquemas sounds like the most incredible holiday / game show ever invented. You'd have reams of adventurers competing with one another to slay the tarrasque, all sponsored (and monitored) by Drew, with a live feed back to the tavern.

    Hell, he could send adventurers out on absurd tasks 'Because there's nothing fun going on otherwise.'
    >> Anonymous 09/21/09(Mon)04:12 No.5949093
    Nah, his phylactery is going to be some ancient, jewel-and-gold encrusted magical macguffin that he made back when he was still high on the power rush from first becoming a lich. But he can keep the bottle out in the open and tell everyone it's his phylactery, though.
    >> Anonymous 09/21/09(Mon)06:04 No.5950176
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    Other Liches are sickened by their "Candy-Ass" colleague, Drew, but instead of crushing him, hey conspire to dominate the workings of the inn. Nobody wants Drew to be exploited or blackmailed, so the regulars team up to defend him.

    Conclude with a big Bawww moment.
    >> Anonymous 09/21/09(Mon)06:15 No.5950255
    Liches are leeches
    >> SLAANESH 09/21/09(Mon)06:22 No.5950291

    Where are you going with this statement?
    >> Anonymous 09/21/09(Mon)06:56 No.5950534
         File1253530582.jpg-(21 KB, 450x319, obvious.jpg)
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