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  • File : 1257248206.jpg-(228 KB, 900x574, dakka.jpg)
    228 KB Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)06:36 No.6548180  
    DAKKA is a precise term referring to a specific blend of three interconnected but ideally balanced ideals.

    a)MORE DAKKA: Dakka needs to be a very audible and visual sensation. There needs to be no doubt as to whom is responsible for this incarnation of dakka, both to da boyz (to inspire jealousy) and da uver side (to inspire fear). The easiest way to accomplish this is the simple act of sustained fire, the continuous muzzle flash being a firey middle finger to da uver side and da boyz alike, and the enormous sound drowning out other pitiful attempts to distract from the magnitude of da dakka. A single huge gun may have a great big boom, but there is no 'dakka'. Dakka must be sustained, which requires a lot of ammunition to sustain it.

    b) LONGER DAKKA: Dakka that doesn't last long might as well not exist. Dakka needs to be genuinely sustained over a long period, otherwise the joyous periods of dakka are far too commonly interrupted by the mundane act of reloading. Indeed, ill-sustained dakka can have more fiddling, fumbling and muttering of curses then genuine dakka. Hence a good dakka requires it not only to be sustained fire, but sustained over a long period of time. This requires alot of ammunition.

    Continued, of course...
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)06:37 No.6548183
    c)BIGGER DAKKA: Dakka needs to be uniquely destructive with each individual 'Dak' involved in the group of 'Dakka' being a powerful force in it's own right. A dakka that lasts ten minutes of rapid firing tiny pellets that give da boyz a headache if they hit is pathetic, and any boy attempting to pass this off as dakka should be ashamed of themselves. True dakka requires power, which to the simplistic technology of the Orks requires big shells. These large shells fired in a sustained manner over a long period of time will unleash a roar that drowns out Mork himself, and will cause as much damage as a headbutt from Gork himself (to da uver side or to da boyz is irrelevant to the use of dakka).

    So we come to a delicately balanced equation. If X is the amount of weight a given Ork can carry, Y is the weight of the gun, and Z is the weight of the ammunition, we find ourselves in this position.
    Y = Maximum muzzle size to accommodate the largest shooty bits + mechanisms required to make sure the shooty bits fire fastest and loudest.
    Z = The size of the shells X the number of shells
    Y + Z = X

    What IS the greatest dakka? Does one try to balance the three facts out in the equation and end up with a gun of moderate dakka? Does one sacrifice size of shells for greater sustaining of dakka, or do the smart boyz use da shootiest shells possible for the loudest dakka?

    The answer is, of course, none of the above. Da REAL boyz get grots and uver boyz to hold their ammo for them while they use the biggest gun they can hold, and if da boyz or da grotz give them lip, they use the gun as a club to silence their complaints.
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)06:38 No.6548191
    You have the phrase "Ideally balanced ideals" in the first sentence, there
    >> John 11/03/09(Tue)06:38 No.6548195
    Both thumbs up
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)06:40 No.6548204
    >>6548191
    Lol
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)06:40 No.6548205
    WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH
    >> Agouri !!Q+SCob6iFc6 11/03/09(Tue)06:41 No.6548211
    Rhetorical question:

    SO WHAT BRINGS THE PERFECT DAKKA
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)06:44 No.6548226
         File1257248658.jpg-(65 KB, 410x385, 1250172034216.jpg)
    65 KB
    I think you could use a bit more dakka in there, chief.
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)06:45 No.6548235
    I wonder if an Ork would kill himself from embarrassment if he obtained the most dakka gun in the warband and was too weak to carry it.
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)06:45 No.6548236
    I approve of this.
    >> Cultist Sam 11/03/09(Tue)06:45 No.6548239
    I brings the perfect Dakka.

    An ENTIRE Legio Titanicus affixed atop an Array of Necron Monoliths spitting Gauss shells, All superglued atop a MASSIVE squiggoth and piloted by Grazhgul Thraka Him fucking Self.

    Because only da biggest, strongest, shootiest, choppiest Ork there ever wuz can have da biggest, shootiest, choppiest dakkahouse in all creation.
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)06:46 No.6548241
         File1257248774.jpg-(8 KB, 182x195, 1111.jpg)
    8 KB
    >>6548191

    Orkz, amirite?
    >> Christmas Ape 11/03/09(Tue)06:47 No.6548250
    But aren't Longer and Bigger just sub-categories of More?
    >> Agouri !!Q+SCob6iFc6 11/03/09(Tue)06:47 No.6548252
    >>6548239

    What if you attach another heavy bolter on it.

    more dakka, right there.

    YOU CAN NEVER HAVE ENOUGH DAKKA
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)06:49 No.6548266
    I don't think it's actually possible for an ork to be too weak to carry any amount of Dakka, though it's possible for an ork to kill himself in the attempt to carry a macro-cannon onto the battlefield.
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)06:55 No.6548303
    >>6548266
    Especially since the "I'm not boss cuz I'm biggest I'm biggest cuz I'm da boss!" rules apply. IF a boy would be given a that huge gun he'd soon probably grow in size to be fit to that gun thanks to his new status
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)06:56 No.6548307
    >>6548252
    I can just imagine a mekboy finding an abandoned but perfectly intact Emperor class Titan.

    He gazes at it for a while, his brow furrowed. Then, after a few moments of intense thought, he picks up a big shoota and nails it to the Titan's leg.

    He takes a step back. "Betta", he says.
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)07:11 No.6548418
    >>6548307
    single orky tear
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)07:14 No.6548442
         File1257250469.jpg-(206 KB, 800x600, orkizbeutiful.jpg)
    206 KB
    >>6548307
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)07:14 No.6548447
    Orks are the perfect example of an ideal balance of these three philosophies.

    BECAUSE THEY TAKE THEM ALL TO THE FUCKING EXTREME.
    >> Cultist Sam 11/03/09(Tue)07:15 No.6548450
    >>6548307

    ....I did indeed lol. Unfortunately this also categorizes my failure to think big enough.

    Unfortunately, Ork Teknawlogee pundits will simply counter everything i say with " I stick a plasma cannon on it."
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)07:16 No.6548456
         File1257250571.gif-(19 KB, 319x219, dude.gif)
    19 KB
    >>6548447
    XTREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEME
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)10:02 No.6549765
    when you have a gun that rounds pawerful enough to break a small moon at 900 rounds per minute AND is so loud it some how manages to make SOUND IN SPACE.
    you are on the right track to making the perfect dakka
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)10:03 No.6549779
    Ideal solution, a orbital plaform with 20 quad turrets, each turret barrel is a railgun that fires a depleted uranium clad "slug" filled with a magnetically suspended bolus of anti-matter. Ideally, the antimatter equivalent of hydrogen, so each slug causes a miniature fusion explosion when it hits....a fusion explosion that spits out antimatter.
    Each "shot" hurls 80 slugs into the gravity well of the target planet, each time it is fired.
    >> Ranger Ted 11/03/09(Tue)10:06 No.6549803
    rolled 48 = 48

    >>6549779
    But then, no one would hear it.
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)10:08 No.6549832
    >>6549803
    radio broadcast the sound from inside the orbital platform.
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)10:10 No.6549842
    So are orks a little bit like niggers ?
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)10:12 No.6549857
    >>6549803
    Yes they would.
    If you shot it at Paris, they'd hear it in Berlin.
    Remember, this is just firing ONE SALVO from the platform. Even if you left out the antimatter ordnance, the noise the slugs make on their way to the surface would sound like the wrath of god.
    And this is from firing the turrets One Time.
    Now imagine that you start firing, and keep firing for 20 minutes....
    >> Ranger Ted 11/03/09(Tue)10:13 No.6549861
    rolled 83 = 83

    >>6549832
    But that wouldn't be the point. According to the OP, you need to make it big and loud, not for damage, or the SOUND to be feared, but the ORK to be feared.

    The gun is nothing but a tool, the Ork is the one that should be noticed and feared. Which is suprising, considering some Orks affinity with vehicles.
    >> Ranger Ted 11/03/09(Tue)10:14 No.6549869
    rolled 64 = 64

    >>6549857
    They hear thunder in Berlin. They look up and see a spaceship shooting down. No Orks were involved.
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)10:15 No.6549885
    People underestimate how devistating KEW weapons are. With a powerful enough EM coil weapon you can fire a (properly magnetized) sewing needle through the bulkhead of an aircraft carrier.
    My scenario combines that with firing into the gravity well, and letting gravity add more punch.

    Thats before you factor in the antimatter ordnance.
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)10:16 No.6549902
    > "They hear thunder in Berlin. They look up and see a spaceship shooting down. No Orks were involved."
    Thats the beauty, they blame the complete vapourization of an entire city on the Tau or the Eldar, while the Orks get to laugh about it.
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)10:18 No.6549916
    It's not so much Dakka Dakka Dakka as it is VrackTHOOOOMVrackTHOOOOMVrackTHOOOOM
    >> Ranger Ted 11/03/09(Tue)10:18 No.6549926
    rolled 100 = 100

    >>6549902
    Now your mistaking POWER for DAKKA. We're not trying to create a super weapon. We're after the perfect DAKKA. You want a weapon where it's LOUD, and BIG. But still draws attention to the user.
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)10:19 No.6549936
         File1257261586.jpg-(23 KB, 400x241, 3356442032_fd654d4abb.jpg)
    23 KB
    Enuff Dakka
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)10:21 No.6549950
    Oooooh. Okay.
    So....if the orbital plaform was alot closer to the surface, painted with Orkish insults, was encrusted with loudspeakers blasting Orkish Heavy Metal music....and THEN its starts shooting?
    (Preferably at targets far enough way so that they don't BROW DEMSELFS UP!!)
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)10:22 No.6549959
    YES BUT....

    IS IT FLASHY?
    >> Ranger Ted 11/03/09(Tue)10:23 No.6549971
    rolled 98 = 98

    >>6549950
    With big flashing arrows pointing to the git up top. shure.
    >> Frazer !!NNiZ5EzzZEM 11/03/09(Tue)10:24 No.6549974
    Maybe you could have a multi-stage weapon? A round has multiple compartmentalised charges which explode in sequence, so a single round produces multiple bangs. That'd be plenty of noise, without needing to lug about so much ammunition.

    The only problem with the is that lots of ammunition is half of the point of dakka, to give more chances of hitting the enemy.
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)10:24 No.6549982
    >>6549936
    ya daft git. Enuff dakka? Den wotzit if i'z slap five of dem togetha?
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)10:25 No.6549990
    A gun that shoots guns, which shoot guns with hundreds of barrels that fire exploding bullets in every direction. Then they all explode.
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)10:25 No.6549994
    >>6549982

    Mor den enuff dakka
    >> Ranger Ted 11/03/09(Tue)10:26 No.6550003
    rolled 45 = 45

    >>6549936
    Not loud enough when firing. And it doesn't make the right kind of noise.

    >>6549974
    Now your on to something. Ammunition itself can lend it's properties to Dakka.
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)10:28 No.6550017
    > "A gun that shoots guns, which shoot guns with hundreds of barrels that fire exploding bullets in every direction. Then they all explode."
    Howsabout a bazooka that shoots chainsaws, and the chainsaws explode and all the teeth of the chainsaws are coated in some kinda ebola.
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)10:30 No.6550031
    >>6549994
    >Mor den enuff dakka
    Mek cancels building Gargant: not enough dakka
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)10:31 No.6550039
    a railgun that fires spiky bazookas that fire shells filled with spiky grenades that explode into spiky shrapnel covered in some nasty STD.
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)10:31 No.6550043
         File1257262302.jpg-(70 KB, 750x600, rocketpropelledchainsaw.jpg)
    70 KB
    >>6550017
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)10:31 No.6550047
    >>6550017
    Ebola does not make noise.
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)10:33 No.6550060
    >>6550047

    Specially engineered screaming ebola.
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)10:35 No.6550075
    The "TOP DAKKA" as it is commonly known as, or to those orks versed in high goffic, "ULTIM'T DAKKA" is a thought experiment carried out to its ultimate absurdity - what would be 'enough dakka'.

    Clearly, this is no small feat. Any mekboy can improve the amount of dakka on a weapon by the addition of a simple slugthrower bolted to the side, as shown above. The only case where this does NOT hold true is if there is not enough leftover matter in all the multiverse to make into a boltgun to weld on.

    Thus, one of the key conditions of the "TOP DAKKA"; it must be a weapon that comprises of every last part bit of matter, and every last scrap of energy, everywhere.

    A second point raises its ugly head. Dakka cannot exist without ammunition of some sort. Shootaz is pointless if they have no bullets to shoot, after all. But there is already no remaining matter left, what can be shot? This puzzled many ork philosophers (see Musings of WAAAUGH: Conjectures brought forth from disputes on Armageddon) until one particular dokboy realised that one can in fact have self-propelled ammunition as part of a weapons system. Consider a cutta-rokkit; it flies, teeth abuzz, and when it strikes the enemy, it continues onwards in a shower of guts, the gretchin riding upon its hull guiding it towards another enemy. Is that not both weapon and projectile?
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)10:35 No.6550081
         File1257262545.jpg-(15 KB, 322x300, WHAT.jpg)
    15 KB
    >dakka
    >precise term
    >goes on to define the term USING ITSELF

    DEFINITION DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)10:35 No.6550085
    >>6550075
    The "TOP DAKKA" therefore, would either have every part of itself be usable as both ammunition and launching mechanism, for example a modular railgun that fires chunks of itself at the enemy, or rocket propelled rocket launchers, or similar mechanisms.

    Finally, the last key to the puzzle is what would this "TOP DAKKA" be fired at? Yes, if you have achieved the above weapon it is a fine thing, but if there's nothing to shoot, then what's the point?

    Once again, the simplicity of multi-use parts come into play. The DAKKA is weapon, ammunition, AND target for itself, its parts continually firing immense mechanisms at itself, hurtling those enormous items at other similar parts while those gubbins themselves launch more projectiles at oncoming bits of DAKKA. They crash into each other, and then launch each other again, a cacophonous medley of DAKKA that is heard in every part of the universe. Endlessly.

    One could say that orks, themselves bred as a biological weapon, if they wiped out all of the other races, would be that "TOP DAKKA", forever internally fighting, being both weapon and bullet that strikes itself for all eternity.
    >> Ranger Ted 11/03/09(Tue)10:36 No.6550087
    rolled 88 = 88

    >>6550081
    We're talking about Orks here. Yes it does.
    >> Ranger Ted 11/03/09(Tue)10:39 No.6550119
    rolled 95 = 95

    >>6550085
    Ironic. What you just described can only be used once by a user. Once it's fired, it's gone forever. This quantifies Dakka by the way, making it POSSIBLE for there to be enough.

    But then again, it must be sustained. Unless they build a weapon out of the war god Khorne, and shoot parts of him.
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)10:40 No.6550125
    >>6550047
    The victims do the screaming.
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)10:43 No.6550158
    >>6550075
    "...what would be 'enough dakka'.."
    Yu kan nevah have enuff dakka. Y'see, yu blow it up with dakka, but then there'z all theez bitz, see. But yu gotta blow up the bits, so yu need mor dakka, but den de bitz break into smaller bitz
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)10:44 No.6550171
    >>6550158

    But if the objective is just blowing bits into more bits, than a gun that shoots black holes would be Enuff Dakka. But we all know a black hole gun is silly.
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)10:44 No.6550173
    so yu gotta break 'um down into atoms...and then yu gotz all deze protonz n neutronz...so you need mor dakka....
    den you got all deze qwarks....
    so...
    you need mor dakka....
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)10:45 No.6550185
    >>6550119
    Not really. The entire weapon reuses its own parts shot at itself to fire more parts at itself, and so on. It's an infinite cycle, therefore sustained dakka.
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)10:45 No.6550187
    >>6550171
    Nah, 'cuz den yu need mor dakka to blow up de black hol.
    reely simpul. 'm amazed yu pink-skinnd munkeighz don get it.
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)10:46 No.6550196
    >>6550085

    It's like an elaborate game of Life. After hundreds of thousands of generations of random chaos, it collapses into a perfect infinitely repeating pattern.
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)10:47 No.6550202
    >>6550187

    But you can destroy black holes by shooting black holes at the black hole. Once you destroy all matter in the universe, the only thing left is to destroy the black hole gun and any orks still alive.
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)10:47 No.6550203
    >>6550196
    >It's like an elaborate game of GorkaMorka
    >> Ranger Ted 11/03/09(Tue)10:48 No.6550217
    rolled 45 = 45

    >>6550185
    Then how would it fire AT things?
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)10:52 No.6550235
    >>6550217
    Simple. It's like a gun that fires a gun that's the same size of itself at another gun just like it firing a gun at the original gun.

    Except it's all one weapon system.
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)10:52 No.6550239
    >>6550202
    with a really, really big slingsot.
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)10:52 No.6550241
    >>6550196
    Though sometimes that pattern is empty of live cells or has an oscillation period = 1.
    >> Ranger Ted 11/03/09(Tue)10:53 No.6550248
    rolled 79 = 79

    >>6550235
    Your describing a Factory mate. Your making a Ork carry and shoot, a factory.
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)10:55 No.6550270
    >>6550248

    your point?
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)10:56 No.6550281
    >>6550248
    no, it's really quite simple.

    he's describing a gun, made of everything that ever has been, is, and ever will be, powered by all the energy in the universe, that shoots itself, at itself, for all eternity.

    THAT is enough dakka.
    >> Ranger Ted 11/03/09(Tue)10:57 No.6550295
    rolled 37 = 37

    >>6550281
    Okay, your making a UNIVERSE factory. A UNIVERSE FACTORY GUN.
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)10:58 No.6550305
    >>6550295
    there was no part of that sentence that was not awesome.

    except your failure to spell 'you're' correctly.
    >> Ranger Ted 11/03/09(Tue)10:59 No.6550309
    rolled 31 = 31

    >>6550305
    We've gone over this anon. It's a mental block. No clue why. I see myself typing in you're, and still get your.
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)11:00 No.6550310
    >>6550248
    >>6550281
    The Orks would have to be part of the weapon itself. And there wouldn't be any gravity to stop the ork carrying it, anyway - EVERYTHING is in the dakka, so no planet is present for gravity.
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)11:00 No.6550311
    Um, how many points would it cost to field an army that has that self-replicating von-Neumann death gun?
    >> Ranger Ted 11/03/09(Tue)11:01 No.6550318
    rolled 79 = 79

    >>6550311
    Hold up. Let me find the proper Dr.Evil pic to go along with my answer.
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)11:01 No.6550322
    >>6550295
    it will fire ONCE and just before everyone in the universe is consumed by the firestorm, every ork will shed a single tear knowing that the ultimate dakka has finally been made
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)11:01 No.6550324
    >>6550311
    See: Tyranid Codex
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)11:02 No.6550326
    >>6550241
    >>6550196
    Unless, of course it's a pattern resulting in infinite growth of the population. Now that I think about it, spaceships colliding to make guns that shoot spaceships is very orky.
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)11:03 No.6550332
    >>6550322

    This has happened exactly ONCE in the history of the universe. We know it as the Big Bang.
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)11:03 No.6550336
    >>6550281

    In a way, ain't all dis actually happening?

    Don't da universe constantly destroy and make new things as products of dat destruktin jus to blows dat up too?

    Does us orks already have perfect DAKKA and just not knows it???
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)11:03 No.6550337
    >>6550322
    Don't be silly.

    The ensuing firestorm will be simply the propulsion systems going off. The galaxy-sized buckshot haven't even left the gravitic barrel yet!
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)11:04 No.6550345
    >>6550311
    all of them.
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)11:04 No.6550347
    >>6550322
    >>6550332
    there will be no less then 1 million orks trying to surf that blast wave in the void of space
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)11:07 No.6550362
    >>6550347
    now that would be awsome to see
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)11:07 No.6550364
    >>6550311
    5 points for a single wheezing, asthmatic conscript
    5,000,000,000 for the actual gun.
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)11:07 No.6550365
    >>6550347
    That reminds me of that one old idea where a Big Mek noticed stars were great potential dakka engines and used a supernova to launch millions of rokks into the space.
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)11:08 No.6550369
    >>6550347

    But if they are trying to surf the blast and aren't part of the ULTIMATE DAKKA, then it doesn't utilize all the matter in the universe.
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)11:09 No.6550376
    >>6550369
    the surfboards are actually planet cracker nukes in the shape of a surf board, and the orks are the pilots. its dual purpose
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)11:12 No.6550400
    >>6550376
    FUCK YEAH YOU GET MY DESIGN PARADIGM
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)11:21 No.6550457
    hot damn.
    Is anybody archiving this?
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)11:37 No.6550555
    >>6550457
    sup/tg/ says yes.
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)12:46 No.6551170
    >>6550060
    I approve of this.
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)12:54 No.6551248
    >>6550281
    No, that's just ALL the Dakka.
    That doesn't mean it's enough Dakka.
    You still need more.
    >> Frazer !!NNiZ5EzzZEM 11/03/09(Tue)13:01 No.6551327
    >>6550075

    OP, I have to say that I love your writing, and I'm jealous that I haven't done this myself. :)
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)14:24 No.6552025
         File1257276292.jpg-(196 KB, 503x600, old-ghazghul.jpg)
    196 KB
    Dakka IZ.

    If youz is thinkin 'bout what DAKKA IZ, YER DOIN IT WRONG!

    Bah. HUMIES.
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)14:40 No.6552213
    /request archive
    >> Anonymous 11/03/09(Tue)15:34 No.6552824
    >>6551327
    Actually, I wasn't OP.



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