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  • File : 1259449441.jpg-(19 KB, 320x240, 0_61_120408_walrus4.jpg)
    19 KB Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)18:04 No.6910746  

    Continued from here. The previous thread is also archived at http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/6898745/

    I shall regale you once again, with the tale of my people.

    Before we start, I find it interesting in the extreme that I appear to have been stricken by Father Nurgle himself for daring to elaborate on the exploits of a certain THAT GUY, Luke. However, my tale is an important one, and so I shall continue regardless - apologies for my absence in the last day.

    Now... are we sitting comfortably? Then we shall begin. First, a recap.

    Luke is the name of a certain housemate that my friends and I had the extreme displeasure of sharing a house with during most of our time at university. He has already been established as a foul smelling, unwashed braggart with a penchant for creating monstrously weeaboo DMPCs and turning otherwise positive experiences into foul gaffs of legend. I was... surprised to discover that you gentlemen had not heard so many tales about one THAT GUY, but I guess he was a fairly rare person after all. Despite his being a mess of a human being, with the personal hygiene habits that would disgust a troll, Luke was training to be a doctor. He had access to an undefined fortune givn to him by his thoroughly nice, if embaressed, parents and flaunted this whenever he could.

    And now, on with the story...
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)18:04 No.6910760
    Hooray, more existential horror!

    Have you found the picture and/or the "IC Hat"?
    >> That Motherfucking Goblin !XGZ8nDwSYI 11/28/09(Sat)18:11 No.6910859
    Bumping for impending win.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)18:13 No.6910886
    >Before we start, I find it interesting in the extreme that I appear to have been stricken by Father Nurgle himself for daring to elaborate on the exploits of a certain THAT GUY, Luke.

    If you fall in battle against the disease, you will still be remembered, your voice already archived to exist forevermore (or until deleted) in the /tg/ internet database.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)18:14 No.6910907

    So, our first year in the house had come to an end. Nairda was going to be spending his next year of study in London, which meant he was moving out; therefore it was time to find a new housemate. Fortunately, one was at hand - TOLS from last night, who from here on shall be referred to as Sirk (again, he'll understand) was looking for a new house, preferably one with a larger room than the box he had been staying in. It seemed a natural choice. At the same time, I managed to agree with Luke that it was high time that we swapped the room assignments around; a change is as good as a rest, after all. Enter case study 3(b)

    CASE STUDY 3(b): Being a case study of THAT GUY interacting with a landlord and fellow tenants

    The agreement sank in, and I let it lay for the next month or so, until Nairda's time in the house was just about up. I helped him move out (enjoying the loud conversation at the top of the stairs where his parents complained about the godawful stink that was coming from a certain person's room) and then waited until Sirk came around to look over the property. Luke deigned to turn his Limp Biscuit (Sp? Eh.) off and join us. I naturally brought up the issue with the rooms. Beforehand, I had discussed with Luk about how we should draw straws to see who got each room, with the shortest straw getting the booby prize - a room with slightly lower rent than the others, but only big enough to fit a bed inside. Luke, however, had other ideas.

    Once again, he showed us his grin - teeth completely green now, blackened gums with bright red swollen bits. I'm a faily strong-stomached man, but I confess I had to lean back at the smell of his breath, like he'd been eating roadkill recently. He informed us cheerfully that he was taking the largest room in the house and that there was nothing that we could do about it.
    >> Frazer !!NNiZ5EzzZEM 11/28/09(Sat)18:15 No.6910916
    Thread archived, in anticipation of more morbidly fascinating tales of grotesquerie.


    Sequel to thread nos. 6885970 and 6898745.

    If any browser of sup/tg/ is feeling down and disheartened, read this thread - your morale will be spurred to new heights with the relief that, whatever troubles may weigh you down, you are not Luke.

    Some 40k enthusiasts will insist that Nurgle is a good god, who wants only the best for his worshippers and to armour them against the hurt of the universe.


    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)18:20 No.6910987
    I've been looking forward to this all day. Bless you, OP.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)18:21 No.6911009
    we're all eyes.
    those who are all ears at this thread aren't paying attention with the right senses anyways, which means their eyes are on something off in /d/
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)18:25 No.6911060
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    you have my rapt attention, OP
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)18:26 No.6911075

    Being the savvy people that we are, we went to get a copy of the contract, which (oddly enough we thought at the time, but realising our salvation at that moment) stated that the Landlord actually had final say in the running of the household - which, we reasoned, was grounds enough for moving Luke into one of the smaller rooms, or at least having a fair draw. Look would only give us a wild, bloodshot grin when we suggested this. We decided that he was bluffing, due to his persistant superiority complex. This, of course, was a man who claimed that he had once been commissioned by the secret service to test their security systems, such was his hacking skill. They hadn't paid him for this work, interestingly enough. In any case, we thought that we'd have a good chance with the landlord, since he and Luke had been rather chilly since he found out that he'd started shifting his rubbish out of the window and into the back garden.

    In short, we were wrong.

    When we approached our landlord, he told us with pained expression that he could do no such thing. "I'm sorry, Walrus" he said, substituting my own name, "But I got a letter the other day from his family lawyer. I can't do a thing until we're done with this."

    As it turns out, most landlords in the area write their own contracts, which are checked over briefly before being ok'd. Luke had gone so far as to have his family lawyer scour the contract for inconsistencies, and, being an actual lawyer, had found grounds to contest the contract and force a change in it's wording. When we got back, the crap-eating grin and roiling sweaty face confirmed; he had spent large amounts of his parents' money to ensure that he got to pick which room he wanted, and that he couldn't be evicted by the Landlord for his machinations.

    We had been trolled.
    >> That Motherfucking Goblin !XGZ8nDwSYI 11/28/09(Sat)18:29 No.6911126

    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)18:30 No.6911131
    >he had spent large amounts of his parents' money to ensure that he got to pick which room he wanted, and that he couldn't be evicted by the Landlord for his machinations.

    This man does not deserve life.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)18:30 No.6911136
    What a fucking giant waste of money. Just to get a bigger room.

    Why the fuck didn't he just GET HIS OWN PLACE if he's got that kind of money to burn?!
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)18:30 No.6911138
    wow, that is so emphatically douchey.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)18:32 No.6911164
    I get the feeling he doesn't do that as "roomates" are the only "friends" he gets to lord his superiority over.

    I knew a guy like that.

    Waiting for more, op... but he sounds rather disgusting AND familiar so far...
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)18:33 No.6911182
    Yeah, that sounds about right.

    But still, damn. This guy is a walking train wreck. He's lucky that he was able to cultivate an odor, a TAINT if you will, that prevented OP and the other roommates from throwing him off a building.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)18:35 No.6911216

    With our fury only matched by the viscosity of his breath as it left his lungs, we were legally forced to accept defeat. In the interests of fairness, me and Sirk drew straws for the remaining rooms - I pulled the short straw, and moved into the box room. The only consolation was months later, when we saw his parents; the drawn, apologetic look on their faces spoke volumes.

    And so life went on. Mice were purged, we build a furnace in the back garden to incinerate the less toxic rubbish rather than let the bin overfill and eventually we started shifting the more toxic rubbish into the shed, or into other people's bins to avoid being infected. I didn't get away unscathed, but this is not the time or place to talk about infection. Safe to say that the next few months of my life were agonising as well as underwhelming. Time passed. Deck Status, pretty good. I had successfully managed to keep my more prized decks hidden from Luke's greasy touch with the use of decoy decks, left in my normal hiding places for him to find. I confronted him on this issue, to which I got an angry reply:

    "So what if I want to play with a different deck once every so often? It's not as if you were using them at the time. Besides, I'd let you use mine if you wanted to. The stickiness isn't even my fault; I shaved my palms just last week!"

    Make of that what you will. Eventually, he agreed to a deal; we would stop ridiculing his hairy palms in public, if he would wear a pair of pink marigolds whenever he used someone else's deck. He stuck to this deal for a week, and then stopped playing magic, insisting that it was a stupid, childish game. We were not disappointed.
    >> Frazer !!NNiZ5EzzZEM 11/28/09(Sat)18:38 No.6911262
    >He had access to an undefined fortune givn to him by his thoroughly nice, if embaressed, parents and flaunted this whenever he could

    It disappoints me to read tales of people being so catastrophically spoiled in this way.

    I don't think that it's a problem of the money so much as a lack of control - I come from a well-off family, but even so I was taught to eat properly and, y'know, wash - but like a train-wreck, you can see it coming.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)18:39 No.6911284
    >he stickiness isn't even my fault; I shaved my palms just last week!
    >shaved my palms

    Wait, what, who...hairs on palms? How is that even possible?
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)18:40 No.6911287
    >Besides, I'd let you use mine if you wanted to. The stickiness isn't even my fault; I shaved my palms just last week!"
    >The stickiness isn't even my fault; I shaved my palms just last week!"
    >I shaved my palms just last week!

    OH GOD
    OH GOD

    >> Frazer !!NNiZ5EzzZEM 11/28/09(Sat)18:40 No.6911288
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    >I shaved my palms just last week
    >shaved palms

    oh my god what is this i don't even
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)18:40 No.6911293
    >I shaved my palms just last week!

    I feel sick.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)18:41 No.6911311
    not even monkeys have hair on their palms.
    This is some hefty reverse-evolution we got going here
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)18:42 No.6911321

    Whatever Luke may be, he is obviously not a member of homo sapiens sapiens.
    >> Blackheart !!FYEhWpAirtN 11/28/09(Sat)18:43 No.6911323
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    >I shaved my palms just last week
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)18:44 No.6911339
    >I shaved my palms just last week!
    Idle hands are the devil's playthings.

    Keep that up and you'll go blind.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)18:44 No.6911343
    Your post confused me OP. Luke was the name of an awesome house mate of mine at university who was essentially the polar opposite of yours. He was in good health, well-balanced, almost a mentor figure for everybody, and he ran fantastic games due to his wide-reading and general good humour.
    >> TOLS aka Sirk 11/28/09(Sat)18:45 No.6911352

    I'd forgotten quite how much of these memories I'd supressed. It's all flooding back in a horrible horrible way.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)18:46 No.6911357
    Perhaps he's a rogue member of the skunk ape or sasquatch breed.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)18:47 No.6911372
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)18:47 No.6911381
    How heavy was Luke? Was he an obese grognard, a gangly asshole, or in-between?
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)18:49 No.6911399

    It was at about this time that we started to turn our hand to RTS games. So, we had a look around all the games that we had with us, eventually settling on Dawn of War. We only had a Dark Crusade disk going, so we elected on a couple of games of that while we waited for the rest to stream.

    CASE STUDY 4: Being a case study of THAT GUY playing LAN games

    A little aside; as mentionned before, Luke was (and presumably still is) a subscriber to the "one upmanship" school of socialising. Sirk had recently spent a good chunk of his dwindling money on a brand new computer; it was a glorious beast. Within a week, of course, Luke's bespoke new P.C. complete with flashing LEDs, a mouse more expensive than my laptop and more cooling systems than a Boeing 747 was delivered to our door. It has to be noted that the courir was relutant to give Luke the electronic signing device, and then tak it back. In the space of the 10 seconds it took Luke to scrawl his name, the pad had become visibly moist and greasy. I thanked the stars that he'd given up on Magic. Of course, then we had to listen to him wandering around the house loudly talking about how great his new computer was. I took the brunt, having no real space in my room to hide. Regular showering was barely enough to fight off the lingering smell that this caused on my skin and clothes.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)18:51 No.6911428
    I wonder what Luke would say if he saw this. Would he even realize we're talking about him, or would he just delude himself into thinking we're discussing some other asshole?
    >> LUKE 11/28/09(Sat)18:55 No.6911455
    >> TOLS aka Sirk 11/28/09(Sat)18:55 No.6911457
    He'd probably never know we meant him - although to be honest, I think we've been unsubtle enough that even he might get it.

    And, frankly, I don't give a shit. Although saying that, knowing my luck he'll pay the family lawyers to track me down for slander. Luckily it'd never stick in court. Unlike Luke. To chairs.
    >> That Motherfucking Goblin !XGZ8nDwSYI 11/28/09(Sat)18:55 No.6911459

    There've been so many identifying details posted in the three threads that he'd have to be pretty damn good at self-delusion not to recognize himself.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)18:57 No.6911478
    The latter. Believe me. I know a guy exactly like that. maybe its your luke, maybe it isn't, but if it ain't he's a fucking clone.

    You can tell it to his face, and he'll either not realise its him and you mean it, laughing it off as a joke, or decide you're wrong as half his brain goes into denial and start on the hate and spite for having poked reality at him.

    And with money that can be troublesome, though they're pretty easy to... shall we say, have arrested.

    For one thing, landlord or not, his room COULD, for example, be considered a health hazard and him out. Its how we got our downstairs neighbor kicked out!
    >> TOLS aka Sirk 11/28/09(Sat)18:59 No.6911491
    Sadly, I know that's not Luke; because Lukes typing was worse than dyslexic (one of our other good friends, the personification of Lawful Angry I mentioned in the original thread, being dyslexic and yet still managing to be infinitely more legible); and was often sprinkled with misspelled pseudo-leet.

    The one that sticks with me, because I used it to name a WoW and DnD character, was his computers password - Undying Love (cringe). Or in his case, 4n!13n9!0v. The characters became Andilen, for the record; although for a long time we did use ANDILENGIOV as a warcry.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)19:01 No.6911516

    After setting up his P.C, we were challenged to a game of DoW - Luke proclaiming himself to be a master of RTS games, citing his victory at a Korean Starcraft tournement as proof. Allegedly, he'd been disqualified because they didn't find out that he wasn't korean until he'd won the final round. So, with that in mind, we started the computer up, linked them, and got playing. Sirk and I chose Tau, and Luke, Necron. We played for a good 15 minutes, me initiating a rush and then pulling back to allow the game to continue for as long as possible, and Sirk and Luke turtling. I noticed that Luke had captured no objectives at this point, and put it down to him probably not knowing how the game worked. The turtling continued for another half an hour, before Luke made a sensible suggestion! Pizza! This was ordered post haste, and we continued with the game.

    Pizza arrived soon after, and so we caled a temporary truce while we picked it up. Units were set on guard, and we shufted over to the door to receive our ill-gotten gains. Curiously, Luke was absent. Sirk was gaming in his room and I in the living, room, so Sirk got the honour of taking Luke his pizza (he may have sprinkled a fair amount of curry powder on it before hand, but you'd have to ask him.) I took my seat back at the table, and idly scanned the battlfield. Near my line of broadsides and fire warrior teams, about 50 or 60 necron corpses of various flavour. The door upstairs crashed open, and Luke came thundering downstairs, bearing down on me like a fabled beast of pungeant legend.
    >> !8D9kfAXttg 11/28/09(Sat)19:01 No.6911517
    so luke was a tripfag?
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)19:02 No.6911527

    "YOU CHEATED! WE SAID THERE'D BE A CEASEFIRE!" He roared, filling the room with an angry, rotten musk. He'd obviously been concentrating; he was bright red, and the sweat patches covered the sides of his olive green T shirt. If nothing else, Luke has made me very concious about the state of my underarms during important events. I questionned his meaning of cease fire - he'd obviously marched his necrons right up to my main defensive line. "I HAD THEM ON PASSIVE, I WAS GOING TO WALK THEM INTO YOUR BASE FOR WHEN WE STARTED AGAIN!"

    Needless to say, we called it a night soon after. Sirk fiegned a sudden attack of his sleep disorder, and I gre very tired due to a busy day.
    At this point, I'm going to take a moment of time to answer some of the questions that have already come up in the thread. If people just want me to continue instead, just say so.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)19:02 No.6911532


    I... How does that... I can't.....

    Cognitive functions have encountered a fatal error. Restarting..................

    Wow, that's terrible. Does he honestly believe people can understand that?
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)19:05 No.6911552
    Continue! This is better than drugs!
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)19:05 No.6911557

    Well, it doesn't help that he misspelled Undying Love in L33t anyways.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)19:06 No.6911568

    My god, I'm not sure if I really want you to continue, I already feel as though I'm going to go braindead for just reading about his faggotry.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)19:06 No.6911569
    Answer the questions and continue, good sir. This is quite a riveting tale, I dare say.
    >> Frazer !!NNiZ5EzzZEM 11/28/09(Sat)19:07 No.6911576

    Anon, did you find his name on the medical register?

    In the interests of preventing libel I'm not asking for his full details, of course, but if this man was ever certified as a GP I will demand the total and absolute immediate disbandment of the NHS.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)19:07 No.6911577

    |_| |\| D Y ! |\| G |_ 0 \/ 3

    That's better.
    >> Beardfist Fistbeard !!nWXzTrTfSMY 11/28/09(Sat)19:09 No.6911593

    Well, it WAS a password, I suppose it wasn't supposed to be readable.


    F34 -/U W4!R$ ! H4^3 45 M3-!C4! C00|)!!-!0N ! D!DT 435 T0 4V3 6R34SY P4$
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)19:10 No.6911603

    Unfortunately, we haven't tracked it down yet. We do, however, have a copy of a "virus" we put onto his computer. Hours of hilarity ensued. I'll divulge on that later.


    We think he needed our presence to reaffirm the small part of his psyche that wasn't THAT GUY that he wasn't a complete waste of elements. Which he was.


    We have no idea either. His palms were exceptionally sticky though. I shook hands with him once, and had to scrub the top layer of flesh off to get rid of it. Imagine cleaning a fatty frying pan out, and finding that a lot of th bacon fat has rubbed onto your hand.


    About medium size, not tall or short. Claimed he was 6'6" (god bless you, America, and your sensible Imperial units), which is as tall as me. His smell was definately bigger than him.
    >> TOLS aka Sirk 11/28/09(Sat)19:10 No.6911608
    >feigned an attack of sleep disorder

    Man, that was the best excuse ever.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)19:10 No.6911615

    I think I speak a different dialect of 1337, because apart from "greasy" I didn't understand that at all.
    >> That Motherfucking Goblin !XGZ8nDwSYI 11/28/09(Sat)19:11 No.6911620

    (_) /|/ [) '/ ][ /|/ (_- |_ () \/ [-


    I wrote a paper on L33t in High School. You can make it endlessly complicated. I could write it such that one word would fill a ten-pound book, given the time and inclination.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)19:13 No.6911637

    That almost sounds Elvish.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)19:13 No.6911639

    Touche, Goblin.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)19:13 No.6911643

    And finally, no. He wont appear on a register for another few years, if he passes at all. His grades at school wern't quite good enough to get him straight onto a medical course, so he was doing a master's in chemistry first, THEN stuying Medicine. We probably have another 3 or 4 years yet.

    Still, watch this space for Luke Flu (or Nurgle's Rot, whichever you prefer)

    I think that'll do for an intermission. Did you all remember to get your ice cream from the salesmen and visit the toilet? Excellent. Continuing in the next post.
    >> TOLS aka Sirk 11/28/09(Sat)19:14 No.6911646
    >claimed he was 6'6

    I'll add that that was complete bollocks, I'm 6'1 and he was noticably shorter than me. He was probably about 5'9 or 5'10.
    >> Frazer !!NNiZ5EzzZEM 11/28/09(Sat)19:15 No.6911662
    >And finally, no. He wont appear on a register for another few years, if he passes at all.

    Thank God for that.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)19:16 No.6911666
    Oh god, I want to shower for the next ten hours just from reading all this. Please, continue!
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)19:24 No.6911733
    This is amazing you two. Absolutely fascinating.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)19:26 No.6911761

    I think, at this point, we will talk a little of revenge. You see, Luke had an almost spiritual connection with his computer, if such a thing were possible. He loved it deeply, and often. He loved the perceived prestige of having a good computer too - he did have a top of the line laptop as well, but would always use as much of his effort to transport the desktop PC with him wherever he went, if possible. This included the uni LAN gaming society, other friends' houses, Uni itself if he needed to do work that existed on his own hard drive...

    And he loved to "let people have a go." He would, wherever possible, try and coax people into using his hardware, to see how good it was. I tried this myself, once. He insisted, and being even more apathetic then than I am now, I reluctantly accepted. The PC was in his room.

    That was the first time I'd seen the inside of Lukes room since he'd taken over in the summer. Words can hardly describe my horror, but since I'm meant to be telling the story I will do my best. On the windowsil, a grimy vase with some dead flowers in, possibly tulips, visible from behind half opened, stained curtains. The light cast into the room is orange in colour due to the time of day and colouring of the curtains, highlighting the answer to a question that Sirk and myself had asked each other for weeks: Where has the cutlery gone? No less than 6 plates, in assorted levels of moudlyness, most of the forks and a lot of knives, too. No less than 6 almost-empty tubs of B+J Ice cream, with various amounts of culture, ranging from Manchester to Vienna in advancement on the "World cities" culture scale. The floor was almost invisible, but a large chunk of carpet was missing, obviously eaten away by some substance or creature.
    >> That Motherfucking Goblin !XGZ8nDwSYI 11/28/09(Sat)19:27 No.6911768
    God, the suspense is UNBEARABLE!

    Uh, I mean, as Luke would say... !n83r8!3.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)19:30 No.6911797
    You went in his room? Presumably to touch his mouse? Did you put on a face mask and some gloves at the very least?
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)19:31 No.6911811

    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)19:31 No.6911814
    >with various amounts of culture, ranging from Manchester to Vienna in advancement on the "World cities" culture scale
    I like the cut of your jib good sir.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)19:34 No.6911854

    I barely had a moment to take all of this in before the smell hit me. Rancid is too mild a word to use in these circumstances. I think a cross between curdled milk, old rooms and pig manure might suffice. I was hastily welcomed into this "inner sanctum" by Luke himself, and placed on a moist swivel chair in front of the computer. He placed the headphones on my head quickly, sending a chill of abject horror down my spine as they stuck slightly to my ears. He then proceeded to tell me all about the specifications of his computer, before leaning right over me to log himself in, catching me in the face with the side of his sweat stained shirt.

    My line had finally been crossed. I made my excuses, and left. The clothes, I never wore again - indeed I took the first opportunity to lose them. I shaved my head, and showered for a good hour before I felt clean enough to take a shower. I never set foot in that room again for the rest of Luke's tenure, but, of course, what happened when I did is a story for later on. A line had been crossed, and revenge was the order of the day.

    Starting with Luke's computer.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)19:34 No.6911858


    Come on, Hazmat suits are not THAT expensive, given the level of contamination we're dealing with here.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)19:36 No.6911883
    I actually don't get it. What was that about?
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)19:39 No.6911907
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    >went into Luke's room
    >without a Hazardous Environment Suit

    You wouldn't send a Dark Heresy character into a Plague Marine compound without one, why risk your actual self doing the same?
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)19:40 No.6911920
    It uses a double meaning of the word "culture" and presumed knowledge of the reputation of various European cities on the part of the reader to craft a rather vivid image of the horrors being described.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)19:42 No.6911943
    Okay. I got the culture part, but the cities left me behind. I'm a Georgiafag, so the quality of European is lost on me. I just no the history of some places, nothing about the modern set up.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)19:42 No.6911950
    Various amounts of "culture", as in bacterial or microbial growth. Mold.

    Compared to "culture" and heritage in cities, with cities like Vienna and Prague with rich history and tradition (lots of culture or moldy growth) or cities like Manchester with little redeeming value on the timeline of man (small amounts of mold).
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)19:42 No.6911953
    >European cities*

    Whoops. Typo.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)19:43 No.6911961
    Bacterial culture would be what you want to be thinking of right here.

    Apparently one the the samples was sufficient to EAT HIS FLOOR WHAT IN THE LOVE OF FUCK HOW IS THIS MAN STILL BREATHING.

    This guy isn't just worshipping him, he's the motherfucking AVATAR OF NURGLE.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)19:43 No.6911981

    We eventually managed to coax Luke into moving his computer downstairs for a night, under the pretence of an "executive LAN party evening," where we would all sit around our table on swivel chairs and play games where we could see each other. He gladly agreed, having an opportunity to both show off his computer again, and his swivel chair, which of course he had bought especially because it was better than we could afford. The stage was set, the pizza in, and our material prepared.

    CASE STUDY 5: Being a case study of THAT GUY's reaction to a fake virus.

    Luke, as aforementionned, had proclaimed himself a master hacker, employed by the secret service to aid them with security. We brought him onto this topic of discussion slowly, over the course of the night, whilst ensuring that his Cup (as mentionned previously) was topped up. His current beverage of choice being Lipton Ice Tea, infused with the strata of orange juice and coffee remaining in the cup. Eventually, of course, nature called (or possibly whispered) and Luke grumbled something, made sure all our games were paused (ensuring that he managed to touch our hands with his at least once in the process by grabbing our mouse hands) and shuffled to th toilet. We took a moment to lift ourselves from the shock of being touched by Luke, and moved to his computer. A picture will follow, posted by Sirk (Thanks!)
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)19:44 No.6911982
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    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)19:45 No.6912004
    No, Nurgle likes people. He's kind and (to some extent) likeable.
    This guy is something taht Nurgle would look at and say "The Fuck is THAT!"
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)19:45 No.6912005
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    Green guy with a lot of money?
    Seriously though, everything I here about Luke makes me want to kill him. Slowly.

    I hope that this is simply one talented writefag telling a tall tale, and not the real story of two unfortunate former students. If so then you have my sympathy fellow Britfags.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)19:46 No.6912017
    >A picture will follow, posted by Sirk (Thanks!)
    >A picture will follow
    >A picture
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)19:46 No.6912023
    I get the feeling that Luke is a real person, but some of the details are exaggerated for dramatic effect.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)19:46 No.6912024
    I think it might be true, but parts of it are clearly exaggerated. But I've met REALLY nasty people before, so it isn't out of the realm of possibility that someone like Luke might exist.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)19:46 No.6912026
    >A picture will follow, posted by Sirk

    I'm preparing for san loss, here.
    >> TOLS aka Sirk 11/28/09(Sat)19:46 No.6912027
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    The original image, taken from the email with the original little codepiece, circa November 2005, still sitting in my hotmail account. Being the techie guy landed me with the job of putting everything together - although the pieces were contributed by 'Walrus' and 'Nairda' respectively.

    >Eight billion hours in MSPaint.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)19:47 No.6912029
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)19:47 No.6912033
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)19:48 No.6912047
    I... think it may be all legit.

    Green teeth are not outside the realm of possibility assuming severe malnutrition (that is, not getting the proper minerals due to your diet) and black gums are... ugh. This poor slob's teeth were probably fucking loose.
    >> TOLS aka Sirk 11/28/09(Sat)19:48 No.6912048

    Still waiting on the actual picture of Luke sadly - I've pinged Nairda last night to see if he still had it; but he's probably out drinking still so I've not had a response.

    As for the actual image I just posted; I want you to bear in mind that Luke was convinced this was a legitimate virus - the abject crappyness was completely the point. We were trying to see how blatant we could make it before he could catch on.

    The best part was that he never did.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)19:49 No.6912054
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    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)19:49 No.6912056
    Meh. Exaggeration's part of a good story. I'm entertained enough not to care that much.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)19:50 No.6912069
    Where the heck did this all happen? There's something oddly familiar about the way you guys talk about accommodation and societies that makes me think this wasn't too far off from me...
    >> TOLS aka Sirk 11/28/09(Sat)19:51 No.6912074
    I'll grant you it is exaggerated a little in some places - but almost exclusively not where you'd think. His odour and hygiene were actually that bad. It's given me, and I think everyone who's met him, a very healthy respect for our own bodies and the impact we might have on others if we choose not to take care of them properly.
    >> TOLS aka Sirk 11/28/09(Sat)19:52 No.6912090
    University of York
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)19:53 No.6912102


    Step one: Get a friend who can create executables, or do it yourself if you know how (Thanks Sirk!)
    Step two: Create a naff wallpaper
    Step three: Using a clip drive, transfer the executable and the wallpaper to your recipient's computer. Hide them in a safe folder!
    Step four: Change all desktop shortcuts so that they link to the executable. Load up the wallpaper.
    Step five: Use your fuse box to fake a momentary power cut.

    We worked more efficiently than we have worked before, or since. By the time Luke came back from the toilet, the Desktop PCs were rebooting and running through scandisks. Luke, of course, had such a good computer security system (designed by himself, no less) that he did not need to run a scandisk. No worries, he assured us with his grin, we would all be getting beaten again very soon. Grin check: At this point, I was sure that Luke's mouth was beginning to rot, such was the smell of decay that came from it when he opened his mouth. His teeth were approaching forest green in colour.

    Unfortunately for Luke, his computer had been infected by the dreaded Ginyu virus, that Sirk and I had read warnings about over the past week. Luke, of course, was quick to assertain that he knew the guy who had created the virus (ironically true) and had trained him himself (not so true) - This would be no problem to a hacker of his skill!

    We eventually called the night due to Luke's faulty computer ("wouldnt want to catch it off you!") and went to bed. Sirk may have erased the executable at some point, but he never said. There were a lot of raging sounds from his room though; Revenge tasted very sweet indeed.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)19:55 No.6912122
    While wearing the highest quality hazmat suit available, of course.

    Speaking of which, his plans to be a doctor? I highly doubt he'd ever last 5 seconds in an interview, let alone in hospital. If he were ever employed, and his personal habits came to light, I'm pretty sure he'd be fired immediatly and would be banned from serving in the medical industry for life.

    Well, apart from being a test subject, of course. Though honestly? I wouldn't be surprised if he were dead in his room right now, and that his current housemates have yet to notice the difference.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)19:57 No.6912139

    I don't get why his parents didn't notice his obvious insanity and got him some professional help (with the obligatory hazmat suits already mentioned several times.)
    >> Sorborne !HiR1KLw7Ow 11/28/09(Sat)19:58 No.6912157
    Doesn't sound insane to me. He just sounds like a piece of shit masquerading as a human.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:01 No.6912197
    /r/ing drawfag to draw nurgle saying to a mock-up luke:
    >not even papa can love you, luke :(

    i'd do it myself, but i don't have my tablet with me right now
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:02 No.6912210
    Which personal habits, we have a list here: Hygine, Scat Fetish, hygine, arrogence and dick headedness, stupididty, hygine, argumentitive antisocial nature, lack of team work, hygine, constant bullshitting.
    Or his hygine of course.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:03 No.6912219
    That seems unfair to his parents, who were apparently too nice for their own good. Or his good in any case.
    >> That Motherfucking Goblin !XGZ8nDwSYI 11/28/09(Sat)20:03 No.6912229


    >> Frazer !!NNiZ5EzzZEM 11/28/09(Sat)20:03 No.6912231

    It sounds sad to say, but from the "drawn, apologetic expressions" Walrus & Sirk mentioned earlier in the thread I get the impression that his parents knew their son's problems but had made so little progress correcting them that they'd just... given up.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:03 No.6912232
    I'd wait for a picture of Luke before this. I'd like to see Nurgle recoil from him.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:03 No.6912235

    Nurgle saying "Son, I am disappoint".would work fine.
    >> TOLS aka Sirk 11/28/09(Sat)20:04 No.6912246
    >Thanks Sirk!

    Actually, that was all Nairda. All it was was a simple '00 Print THE GINYU TEAM PWNS YOU, 01 Goto 00' that was set to run fullscreen and couldn't be closed unless you rebooted; and was set as a replacement for every shortcut he had.

    There was also the other time I pulled the old 'take a screenshot of the desktop and set it as the wallpaper, then hide all the icons in a folder' trick. That left him hammering at his mouse convinced it was broken, before throwing it on the floor in rage, and going and getting his OTHER $200 mouse. Which then also didn't work. I dropped a hint that maybe it was the Ginyu virus again; but....
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:05 No.6912256
    I dont think I can comprehend Luke. I really cant.

    The "Wake up-->Shower and brush teeth" routine is so ingrained in me that I cant comprehend people who would skip cleaning themselves altogether.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:07 No.6912285

    So again, time moves on and, perhaps sadly, we come to the last major case study of living with THAT GUY. The world turned, and spring turned into early summer. Luke had thankfully been abducted by his parents several times over the intervening months, with predictable results - the raw, scraped look of a man who has been forcibly pushed down a stretch of white water rapids with a barber's shop at the end. Each time, the same cycle of filth build up. It was at one point where Sirk and I had just managed to find evidence of the end of the squirrel infestation that Luke announced that he would be looking to move into a house. There he stood, in all his encrusted glory, with a look in his eyes that perhaps implied that there was some part of him that truly, honestly needed us. He was looking for a house for next year's study, he informed us, as the Landlord had refused to renew the contract and was looking for new tenants after the end of the currant tenancy. Me and Sirk exchanged a look, an I gave possibly the most meaningful response I have ever, and may ever give.

    "Righto then, good luck with that."

    He never spoke to us again. He left for his room, and soon we heard loud rap music permeating through the floorboards above the living room, a cacophany that was to last for several days before he was threatened with an ASBO by the neighbours. His smell lingered for a while, then went to join him.

    But that, of course, is not entirely the end of the tale.
    >> TOLS aka Sirk 11/28/09(Sat)20:07 No.6912294
    You've hit the nail on the head there - his parents and sister were charming - seriously kindness itself. Luke was just ... an aberration. I always found myself feeling really sorry for the parents; but on the other hand, you have to ascribe some level of blame to them.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:08 No.6912300
    this thread is more disturbing than a nighttimes worth of /x/, /b/tard threads included.
    come to think of it, don't certain types of mold or fungus look like hair? would explain the handpalms, sort of, not really. I don't want to think about it further.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:09 No.6912310
    ooooh, are you going to expand on the new tenants moving into his room?
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:09 No.6912315
    Guys, I think we're off on the Plague Lord bit just by a smidge.

    Grandfather Nurgle has a target clientele... every fucking living being in existence. He loves us that much.

    This guy doesn't make that list. There may be court orders against him floating around in the immaterium.

    The measure of an "effective" plague is not only its lethality but its ability to spread the love.

    Not to call you out OP... your stuff is sweet moldy gold, but we need some pics, man. A webcam even. Fuck it, I need something creepy to put me to sleep tonight. Take a UV light into his room and discover if it has its own environmental cocoon of spooge, his unborn children making up the wallpaper, the carpet, the ceiling... and surviving?!

    We need to see who here is subtly taking over Nurgle's market share on Earth. Studying to become a doctor? Why hasn't he bought the degree yet and claimed he distilled the cure to heart disease from the underwear he's been farming since he moved in? Waiting for each of his toenails to develop its own independent substrains of anthrax bacteria?

    I'm grabbing some beer. This, sir, is an epic that must be enjoyed, and be trashed to.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:13 No.6912355
    >Take a UV light into his room and discover if it has its own environmental cocoon of spooge, his unborn children making up the wallpaper, the carpet, the ceiling... and surviving?!
    >his unborn children making up the wallpaper, the carpet, the ceiling... and surviving?!
    >... and surviving?!

    >> TOLS aka Sirk 11/28/09(Sat)20:14 No.6912370

    Oh god. Oh god. OH GOD.


    brb, need to evacuate internal organs.
    >> Firstquest 11/28/09(Sat)20:14 No.6912371
    These stories make me think of a fellow that I knew a few years back.

    He was a friend of a friend, and hung out with our group occasionally. He loved MMO's and hardly ever did anything aside from that. To get him to come out into the daylight was a chore that we undertook simply because we wished to save him from the life of a depressed recluse.

    One day, he said he would come hang out with us, but when we showed up to pick him up, he wasn't answering his phone. So we knocked on the door. His father was startled that people showed up to drag his son out. And told us to come in and go get him.

    We walked up and up into the attic where it was hot and smelled stale and sickly. I assumed at first that it smelled that way simply because it was summer, the house was a little unclean in general, and this was the sweltering hot attic with no AC.

    We knew better then to just burst into his room, and yelled up. He told us to come in. So we did. It was a terrible mess, dirt covered everything, clothes everyplace and wrappers, pizza boxes and bottles on the floor.

    I thought "Ugh." But hey he was a gamer, and sort of a slob, whatever I can deal with it. Then ... I noticed -them-. What I assumed to be 2 liter bottles, with drink still in them. No. That was not mountain dew. No. That was not Dr. pepper I quickly realized with horror.

    Rows of 2Liter bottles and 20oz bottles filled will piss lined all around his desk.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:14 No.6912372
    i think i knew one of these when i went to college
    did he also pull the front of his tshirt up to his mouth to chew on?
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:15 No.6912378
    By the sounds of it, I'm pretty sure the landlord probably had the place sealed as a biological hazard and ended up forking out loadsadosh to have guys clear it out.

    We're talking those two female clearners on daytime British television wearing hazmat suits with a decontamination area set up using homemade industrial strength cleaning products.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:15 No.6912389

    CASE STUDY 6: Being a case study of THAT GUY's room, after his departure.

    Luke left several weeks later. Sirk and I had found accomodation elsewere in a house with our other friends and acquaintences from the society. As all of you will know, however, an integral part of the end of a tenancy is the cleaning up of the house in order for viewing to take place. We elected to draw straws for cleaning tasks. We would each clean our own rooms, of course, and then draw straws for division of tasks. One one side was Luke's room and the Bathroom. On the other wise was the living room and the kitchen. I drew Luke's room.

    Not one to back out on a deal, I donned my old clothes and gloves, drew a deep breath, and opened the door to the room. The first objective would be the windows - if I could open those, the smell would start to disperse from the room, allowing me to work without retching too much.

    The door was difficult to open. Several seconds of pushing followed, without success. In the end, I took a couple of steps back and threw my weight against the door.
    >> TOLS aka Sirk 11/28/09(Sat)20:18 No.6912419
    He actually did chase after Luke for damages, and to get a cleaning bill. He was actually reasonably nice about it from what I saw - although Walrus would know more as he was usually the face of the house; I'm fairly sure he came out and said fairly explicitly that he knew none of it was our fault and that he wasn't going to hold us directly responsible.

    Bastard did steal all the bricks we'd built into a home made blast furnace in the back yard though. Still bitter about that.
    >> Frazer !!NNiZ5EzzZEM 11/28/09(Sat)20:19 No.6912435

    >In the end, I took a couple of steps back and threw my weight against the door.

    This CANNOT end well.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:20 No.6912444
    Do you have a picture of Luke's sister?
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:21 No.6912458
    oh no.

    OH NO.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:21 No.6912459
    I get the feeling this is going to end like the scene from Alien where Ridley finds all the crew gunked up to a wall in the underbelly of the ship...
    Did any of your friends go missing while he was there. Female ones in particular?
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:21 No.6912463
    This post pretends to be /tg/. But really it's /r9k/. Seriously, go baaaaaw about your smelly ex-roomate there.
    >> TOLS aka Sirk 11/28/09(Sat)20:22 No.6912467
    >short straw
    >luke's room

    I'll grant you that Luke's room was bad .... but aside from the strip in there where we were winning the battle to keep the bathroom clear of Luke-filth (we had to dispose of mopheads every foot or so of cleaning; wringing them out didn't get rid of the .. for want of a better word ... solid organic matter. Nothing internal mind - we wouldn't have stood for that - but the amount of very-clearly-lukes hair and footprints and ugh....



    So. So much rage.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:22 No.6912468

    Well, he had hair palms, right? Trash wasn't taken out, right? Laundry wasn't done, right?

    Weeaboo, right?

    You decide whether you want to go metric or imperial in the volumetric measurement of Luke's offspring that permeated the place. Put some of his dustbunnies under the microscope and tell me if you see little tails.

    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:23 No.6912491
    where were you during all the drawfag threads, which by your logic should go on the oekaki boards? or the recurring threads about video games?
    i bet youre the same guy who sagebombs touhoufriend's threads on how to focused build 4e characters, an activity that is ACTUALLY /tg/ related
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:25 No.6912520

    Of course, with the momentum of my not-too-modest weight, I ended up inside the room, on my knees. The first thing that struck me was this: The object obstructing the door was the aftermath of a refuse avalanche. I was currently knee deep in cocktail sausage packaging, half finished Pot Noodles and, disturbingly, clumps of hair. Then the smell hit me. Before, it was merely extraordinarily foul. Now, the coming of the warmer weather had combined with the mounting refuse to create... I resolved not to breathe, and focus on the objective. I waded forward past the landslide, dislodging a bad that contained hundreds of tiny flies, clouding my vision. My eyes watered as the smell overpowered my senses, and the wax began to melt in my ears. Every inch of uncovered skin itched, such was the foulness of the place. Finally, I made it to the window, and pushed it open, dislodging a year and a half of dust and corrosion. Sweet air!

    I took a deep breath, and waded back out of the room. Obviously, the room needed to air out a little - Sirk didn't mind, as long as I got rid of the clothes I had worn and didn't go anywhere near him. I showered.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:25 No.6912521
    Its a troll. Ignore it.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:28 No.6912549
    Flies? Oh my god, this is like a nightmare.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:28 No.6912554
    I'm guessing you haven't actually been following every THAT GUY thread.

    Luke is very much /tg/ related.
    >> TOLS aka Sirk 11/28/09(Sat)20:28 No.6912559
    >tiny black flies

    Oh god the flies... it took us so long to make the - now obvious - connect with the flies and his room. We'd assumed there had been some food off in the bin (which, as is often the way in student houses, was often piled two feet high with pizza and takeaway boxes)... and had a big run of sterilising the kitchen.

    Seriously, you're bringing back the most horrible memories.

    Like his bag of potatoes.

    ...How on earth did I manage to supress all this?
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:28 No.6912562
    If anyone has saved all of this, they need to put it up on 1d4chan. Either that or Mr. Luke Sufferer needs to.
    >> Frazer !!NNiZ5EzzZEM 11/28/09(Sat)20:31 No.6912590

    All three threads have been archived on sup/tg/. Appropriately, one of the tags is "nightmare fuel".
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:32 No.6912607
    >...How on earth did I manage to supress all this?

    I think the better question is how are you going to be able to supress all this AGAIN?
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:32 No.6912608
    >scene from Alien where Ridley finds all the crew gunked up to a wall in the underbelly of the ship
    >Did any of your friends go missing while he was there. Female ones
    >cocoon of spooge
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:33 No.6912618
    Shit, University of Lampeter here. I was reading the previous thread and your mention of "Alzheimer's Dwarf" reminded me of my friend Brendan's D&D character.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:33 No.6912623
    The thing is that, what if I just wanna read or just wanna show, the actual reports from Mr. Luke sufferer and his friend. That's why I think someone should put it up on 1d4
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:33 No.6912625

    >Like his bag of potatoes.

    Oh God. I do not want to know, truly I do not, and yet I must.

    It's like being the protagonist of a Lovecraft story.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:34 No.6912630
    Last night and tonight, I've been sitting here laughing, cringing and gagging in equal measure. The situation is horrific, but the quality of the story telling makes it all the more sublime.
    >> Alebak !!GutpvEm2fJX 11/28/09(Sat)20:34 No.6912636
    >...How on earth did I manage to supress all this?

    When people encounter events horrific enough, the brain locks them away automatically, and blocks attempts of the subconscious mind to reach them. You'd need a thread like this to bring it all back.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:36 No.6912651
    i dont understand how some people can become such slobs
    i mean i'm hardly a tidy person but even i bathe every day and dont leave half eaten food sitting in piles in my room
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:37 No.6912663

    Seriously though, I can't believe that anyone can be this nasty. Just...ugh, no!
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:37 No.6912668
    Good God. I have had a revelation. Remember all those "Nurglettes would be the best girlfriend ever!" threads we had recently?

    Luke is what they would really be like.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:37 No.6912671

    And years of therapy to cope with it.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:40 No.6912700
    You are now imagining Luke with a Vagina. Manually.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:41 No.6912710
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    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:41 No.6912713
    >bag of potatoes
    having seen the effects of forsaking potatoes for several weeks i can more or less guess they were liquefied. Unless something prevented that.
    absolutely no idea what to expect from the rest of the room's description though.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:42 No.6912719
    I had, briefly, a roommate who was Luke but with a vagina.

    She spent ALL her time in her room. ALL her time. There was an attached bathroom. Turns out she only used it if she had to take a shit, and the cleanup after the month-or-so that she was there was ... ugh.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:42 No.6912723
    Sorry for whoever lives in that house now. Unless you replaced the surface layers, that Alien theory is going to return in a few years and haunt the future owners.

    Could you imagine? Moving into a new place. A week later, your nails start to yellow. A month... your teeth's enamel begin to wear.

    Female? At night, in full moon, you can almost see this cocoon or effervescent white billowing, coming away from the walls, floating around you. When you awake it is gone, and a couple of weeks later, you begin having morning sickness.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:42 No.6912725

    A couple of hours later I returned, in a different set of old clothes. The air was... bearable, at least. But the rubbish would have to go first. Our bin was already full, so it was time to employ the shed to hold the refuse while we waited for night to fall, to deliver presents to unwitting neighbouring bins. Rubbish collection and movement is never a nice task at the best of times. Luke had never used a bin bag to store his waste in, so the first task was to gather everything into easy carrying devices. Of the rubbish, the more notable peices contained Luke's Book (which has been aluded to before, but not extrapolated on by myself,) heavily used and stained with a green, slightly viscous substance. Smell confirmed as cum, much to my revultion. No less than 6 of the 8 house plates, with large amounts of furry mold growing from their surfaces (and in one case, the underside as well.) The remains of the dead flowers, also covered in mold along with the vase. Two heavily used pornography books, depicting a faeces-related fetish on the encrusted covers. The remains of a pizza, possibly the one from Case Study 4, covered in flies, with evidence of maggot infestation.

    I resolved to be a better person for the rest of my life, if only I never had to do this again. Waste successfully moved, I surveyed the room at large. The carpet was cakd in dirt, hair and an unknown substance. The area of the carpet that had been eaten away during my last visit had grown significantly to about a half foot in diameter; blackened around the edges. This revealed the large hole in the skirting board, the area littered with droppings concurrent with the squirrel infestation.
    >> Exalted !OOirDpvrkA 11/28/09(Sat)20:43 No.6912732
    Wouldn't they be much friendlier, though?
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:43 No.6912735
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    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:43 No.6912737
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    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:43 No.6912740

    Well fuck them. I can't live with this.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:44 No.6912744
    So Luke was chasing a chemistry degree at York in 2005? Did he ever graduate?
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:45 No.6912754

    Doesn't that make it worse?

    Luke wants to hug you and touch you in your special place. He's even combed his palm hair. Give him a kiss. A nice big, sloppy kiss.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:45 No.6912761
    The book is the aforementioned one that contained his shitscribbles?

    Please tell us more about that and how you worked up the courage to look in it.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:47 No.6912770
    OH GOD. I don't even have any good reaction images for horror. Just...please no. This is going to give me nightmares.
    >> Exalted !OOirDpvrkA 11/28/09(Sat)20:47 No.6912776
    Hey, if I'm going to pursue a Nurglette girlfriend, I've already sold my soul to Nurgle. This'll be old hat.

    I just realized; that makes me Sister Apphia.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:48 No.6912784

    Dude, I was right... Cocoon Babies! Mankind may have found the one man that can fight the 'Nids on even terms.

    The scat, oh man, that is just awesome. Grandfather Nurgle disapproves of Two Girls One Cup.

    Now one can only imagine what he has done to the local squirrel gene pool.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:48 No.6912794
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:49 No.6912797
    You shame your tripcode's namesake with your "Almost tengentially Luke approving" ways.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:49 No.6912803

    And just for you...

    Imagine making sweet love to him on that floor, serenaded by the buzzing of a million half-formed flies, moonlight dappling off his glistening buttocks and undulating rolls of fat.

    He smothers you in kisses, leaving drool and unidentifiable half-chewed bits of food on your chest....
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:50 No.6912809
    I hate you so fucking much you bastard.
    >> TOLS aka Sirk 11/28/09(Sat)20:50 No.6912817

    I wish I could hate you to death.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:51 No.6912824

    Umm...that's not drool.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:51 No.6912829

    And now, I just began my journey from fa/tg/uy to gloriously thin.

    Because I won't be eating for a fucking month, you cockbugger fuadkfla;sd;fakjsd;flkjasd;fklj
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:52 No.6912833
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    Forgot something, didn't you?
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:52 No.6912835

    I wish I could burn everything and oh god oh GOD

    I need to take a shower after reading that.
    >> Frazer !!NNiZ5EzzZEM 11/28/09(Sat)20:52 No.6912842

    STOP IT.

    I literally had to go and spit my saliva into the sink because I suddenly found the idea of swallowing unpalatable.

    >> Exalted !OOirDpvrkA 11/28/09(Sat)20:52 No.6912843
    I don't approve of Luke. He's a cheap, arrogant, spoiled dolt.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:52 No.6912845
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    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:52 No.6912852
    What we need is a picture of Nurgle looking at look with the caption 'Son, I'm disappointed.'
    It's the only way to explain it, Luke was meant to be to Nurgle what Satan is to God, his fallen right hand man turned evil (in this case Evil-er, but the point still stands)
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:53 No.6912853

    The furniture in the room had been left largely intact, but with a thin coating of waxy grease. He had left his Cup, which had started with a drinking capacity of about 1.5 pints, but now could carry as much fluid as a champagne flute. This was hastily disposed of. The house cutlery, although tarnished, would survive. I put them to one side to give to Sirk later. The curtains were removed, to be washed. This dislodged a small rain of dirt and grime from the top of the curtain rail, where it had collected. The windowsill was caked with dirt, presumably from when the vase of flowers fell over. This would only be removed with a wallpaper stripper. I moved over to the last part of the room that I hadn't surveyed yet; the bed. The duvet and sheets, of course, would have to go. I pulled them from the bed. What I saw there caused a hasty retreat to the bathroom.

    A large black stain, at groin height on the matress. Yellowed at the edges, but only just noticable. No smell, blessed be, but enough to make me wretch my dinner into the toilet pan. Eventually, after I had composed myself, I called Sirk, and showed him, with similar consequences. We turned the matress over, and resolved never to speak of it again. We moved the furniture in such a way that the holes in the carpet were concealed, and scrubbed the floor as best we could. Once all of the grime was removed, it was about 3 a.m. in the morning. Just in time, as the first house inspection was in the morning.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:53 No.6912856

    FUCK that was fast, I was still looking for it.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:55 No.6912878
         File1259459720.png-(46 KB, 256x400, caol-ila-whisky.png)
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    Now, what I've got here is a bottle of fine 12-year Caol Ila. With an alcohol content of 43 percent, it will burn the unclean. Rather uncharacteristically for Islay malts, I find that it has a bit of a mild "medicine" taste.
    Perfect. The tale of Luke shall not scar me.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:57 No.6912902

    It tastes...clean. I am saved.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:59 No.6912919
    Jesus... Christ....

    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)20:59 No.6912920
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    >a couple of weeks later, you begin having morning sickness.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:00 No.6912934
    I'm 19, back from college for Thanksgiving break. I don't think my parents will appreciate my raiding the wine. Otherwise, I'd follow in your footsteps.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:00 No.6912937
    rolled 1 = 1

    SAN loss.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:00 No.6912944

    And we have a Luke lemon fanfic in progress.

    As he pulls back from your sealed lips, they scream in silent agony, afire from filth. His mouth is still open, you notice, and are drawn to his teeth, the glory that they are.

    You can see all the shades of green, you imagine, tooth, to tooth, overbite to underbite, from the subtle jade of his canines, to the olive of his incisors.

    And then... your sense of smell returns, and you wonder, you beg, you plead, how can you smell all of him at once.

    More of the feeling on your face returns, and drool never felt so thick, so hot, so alive the way it seeks to spread itself all over you, down your jaw, your chin, and the hollow of your neck.

    Your eyes draw low, and somewhere in the back of your mind that you had retreated to, as you catch a peek of painfully pick nipples rising triumphically through a nest of curled, stained, and bristling hair, you notice that his tits are bigger than yours.

    Has this nightmare only begun? Beyond the rest of him enveloping you, your eyes are actually thankful. Grateful that you cannot see that which is prodding, and rubbing insistently up on your legs, seeking, lubricating something alive almost, chunky in texture.

    As you roll your eyes back, a scream held still behind your shut and violated mouth, you star up into his flaring nostrils, almost curious if that's Cheeto dust in there or something else, something sentient.

    You pray for death. Yet, somehow you know, you are damned to live
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:00 No.6912947
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    This can not possibly true. No sane human being would willingly endure this person, and no landlord would allow someone to degrade his room to the degree that this Luke is described doing.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:00 No.6912948
    Huh. One. All those years of /b/ must've desensitized me.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:01 No.6912955

    The house inspection went reasonably well. We had worked our hands raw for most of the previous 48 hours, so we were glad of the rest. The landlord, too, was pleased and impressed; liberal and strategic use of air freshener had all but obliterated the lingering smell - only a slight metallic tang to the air remained.

    The prospective tenants were three South American exchange students, all female. They liked the living room and kitchen, found the bathroom and smaller bedrooms to their liking, and really liked the location. Just one room left. The landlord looked over their heads at us, penseivly. We nodded slightly, and with a deep breath he opened the door to the room. We went downstairs, to get a cup of hard earned coffee; we could do no more.

    I will never forget the screech of horror, disgust and revultion as he turned the mattress over.

    Surprisingly, he managed to secure the deal. We gave him an inventory of the damages to the room, which he assured us he would claim from Luke. We moved out a week later, into our new home. We were followed.
    >> TOLS aka Sirk 11/28/09(Sat)21:01 No.6912964
    I hate, but still you do not die!
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:02 No.6912970
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:03 No.6912976
    >almost curious if that's Cheeto dust in there or something else, something sentient.

    Almost woke the house up, good show!
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:03 No.6912981
         File1259460199.gif-(34 KB, 483x482, 1222843052903.gif)
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    y u do dis?
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:03 No.6912982
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    I find this pictures strangely appropriate.

    Also OP, since Luke had a scat fetish, you have to consider that shitting in his bed was part of him jacking off. Hell, probably explains how he could cope. He was AROUSED by his filth.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:04 No.6912992
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    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:04 No.6912993

    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:04 No.6912995
    >We were followed.
    I am speaking with someone over a Nintendo DS as I read it, regaling him with the tales of Luke. He remarks that that sounds ominous.

    I am inclined to agree.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:04 No.6913000
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    >Luke fapfic

    NO! NO NO NO NO!
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:05 No.6913002
    Do you think it was part of some strange method to secure his own nurglette?
    >> Exalted !OOirDpvrkA 11/28/09(Sat)21:05 No.6913010
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:06 No.6913014
    >We were followed.

    What is this I don't... oh god ohgodohgodohgodohgod
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:06 No.6913016
    Accurate portrayal?
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:07 No.6913019
    Till now, I've never had an issue with you. Now I burn with fury.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:08 No.6913028
    I think so. I only pray that it was not Luke Himself starting last week's nurglette threads.
    >> TOLS aka Sirk 11/28/09(Sat)21:09 No.6913039
    Close - the beard was ... was stranger than that. It was less stubble and more really long grey-blonde hairs. Mustache and all.

    At least, I assume grey-blonde. They may have been ginger under there, I honestly don't know or want to know.

    He also had disgusting lanky hair in a sort of center-parted bowl cut that gradually grew out into some kind of shaggy from scooby doo type monstrosity. I'm presuming because no hairdresser would touch him.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:10 No.6913048
    I like Shaggy though. He seems like my kind of guy.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:10 No.6913051

    Either Luke stalks the guys to find out where they live, and continues to harass them. OR
    Luke does something incredibly outrageous, hires a private detective or some shit. Then harasses them.

    Law suits will probably be involved, including counter suits by Luke claiming that the damage had nothing to do with him. After all it was hinted earlier that he did something after which really pushed the line and something tells me we haven't heard it yet.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:11 No.6913053

    About a week after moving into our new house, we had a knock at the door. It was, to use the cliche, dark, cold and slightly drizzly weather, so we were surprised to get a visitor - especially during our 10 way Magic night. It was Rho'nekh, our new, lawful-angry housemate, who let the visitor in and welcomed him.

    As my nose shut down in self-defense, I realised who had darkened our door.

    He had apparently managed to locate us from talking to people on our respective courses. He had then made the trip across our city to find us, in the drizzle, to tell us all about the flat that his parents had got him in the middle of town and that his internet wasn't working yet so he would use ours. Sure enough, within half an hour of his entry, all conversation had shut down bar Luke talking about his newest Laptop and all his new friends. The conversation moved onto the old house.

    "It was awesome, wasn't it guys?" he said. "I can't believe we had to leave. Still," he grinned, exposing a mouth of clearly rotten, gums and olive hued teeth, "It's not as if it was much of a problem to move out, was it? I bet you guys had to spend ages clearing your rooms out though; they were awful!"

    A silence decended on the room. After what seemed like an eternity, Sirk broke it.

    "Get. Out."
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:11 No.6913055
    this ain't the Shaggy you know, son
    >> TOLS aka Sirk 11/28/09(Sat)21:11 No.6913061
    Yes, but shaggy didn't look like he used engine grease as shampoo.
    >> Firstquest 11/28/09(Sat)21:12 No.6913072
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    Hey /tg/ I hope you don't mind I borrowed your deck.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:12 No.6913076
    >Your rooms were awful!


    oh god
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:12 No.6913078
    If I may (badly) paraphrase Kipling: I know not who you are, brave soldier, but I am with you.

    I share your pain brave Anons. I have not faced anything quite like this, but I have dealt with douchebaggery of every type and I can imagine all too easily what it must have been like. You have my sympathy. By all means, use this thread as a cathartic release for the pain that built up in your years with Luke.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:13 No.6913081

    >As my nose shut down in self-defense, I realised who had darkened our door.

    As an avid reader and professional writefag in the making (lol English degrees) I must say I applaud your writing ability, sir.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:13 No.6913089
    >I bet you guys had to spend ages clearing your rooms out though; they were awful!"

    How did he not die of disease yet?
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:13 No.6913093
    He...he broke an Englishmans stiff upper lip.
    Dear god...what is this creature!?
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:14 No.6913104
    A demon from the darkest pits of hell, it seems.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:15 No.6913109

    From what we know about Luke, that 'darkening' of the door could have been literal, actually staining it with his touch.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:15 No.6913111
    /tg/... forgive me... the imagery burns in my head... I thought of a continuation for >>6912944

    The thoughts, they hurt so much.

    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:16 No.6913137
    I think I'm going to start wearing a bar of soap around my neck to ward off Luke.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:17 No.6913140
    Did any of you ever find out what exactly his parents did? Jesus, my parents are doing alright, they put me through university, but fuck me they would not stand for any of this shit. I do not get sparkling new computers by phoning daddy, or talks with lawyers because I want a bigger room. What the fucking fuck is this bullshit?
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:17 No.6913149
    I must find this Luke and make him pay for the images /tg/ has burned into my brain.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:17 No.6913150

    It's not really that. Rather, the man is always in shadow because sunlight itself refuses to alight upon his surface.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:17 No.6913154

    Write it in here so you don't pollute another thread.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:18 No.6913167


    Your silent scream echoes through your throat, almost a mewl. His mouth closes, thankfully for that instant, twisting conciously, as if he was making an effort, for Luke to leer at you like the Cheshire Cat.

    "Kitty wants to play?" he rasped out.

    That grinding on your thigh blissfully let off, and you felt something of him dribbling into the clenched crevice between your legs.

    As he moved on your body, you remembered that his arms were intertwined with yours above the bed, your hands tightly clasped together in silent plea to whatever God would deliver you from this hell. He caressed them, your locked fingers with what you felt were brillo pads seeped in WD-40, his palms.

    You have stopped breathing, your body locked rigid as he mewled to you, phlegm as golden as his teeth were verdant striking up onto your face, a perfect airburst you felt on both sides and in your hair. Your eyes burned, and mercifully, your left clenched in anguished violation as a goblet of his lungbutter spread itself all over.

    Tears could only do so much.

    Half blind, you were thankful.

    He lifted himself... his back at least as the rest of him covered you much as a butchered heifer would serve as a blanket, heated, rotting, moist.

    You are being touched in a way no man, woman, or evil ever can.

    Through his lard, you wonder if he is a man, what muscles lay underneath, as roll upon roll crested over your body, a blubber tide creeping up your shores.

    Your hands trapped now by his caressing one, your right eye sees the shadow of a greasy forested hand pass over you, around the equator of his waist and under himself, a meteor plunging into that tortured divide between him and you.

    No doubt in your mind, before your body could even tell what was to come, you can almost feel him at your entrance, each finger seeking... playing.
    >> No Man 11/28/09(Sat)21:18 No.6913170

    >"It's not as if it was much of a problem to move out, was it? I bet you guys had to spend ages clearing your rooms out though; they were awful!"

    I always wondered what it felt like to have raised hackles.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:19 No.6913172

    I would not dare. I hate it. I need it out. I hope by putting it down here I may excorcise it. My God have mercy upon my soul.

    He grips you tighter and becomes frenetic. Muscles spasm. He bellows like an animal caught in a vice. You feel warmth on your leg as he voids his bowels and note in horror the sublime look of satisfaction upon his face.

    He begins to roll in in his own filth.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:19 No.6913173
    Then get them out. Nominate a jump drive you own as a trash directory, plug it in and save your thoughts into a notepad file onto that drive.

    Only plug it in when you absolutely must get thoughts out and brain bleach isn't working even in the slightest. After a month, format it.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:20 No.6913193
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    >this thread
    >> The Walrus 11/28/09(Sat)21:20 No.6913197

    And that was the last time we really ever saw Luke, thankfully. I did have the misfortune to bump into him outside a curry shop in the December of that year. His approaching musk was easily distinguishable over the curry spices, which sent that familiar primal dread coursing through my body. Thankfully, I managed a convincing impression of a German exchange student which confused him for long enough that I was able to flee while he saw through my disguise on account of me not having a german accent, and looking like me.

    And that, ladies and gentlemen, was our Luke experience. There are, of course, other stories...

    But those might be for another time. Oh, one last thing...

    Sirk and Myself did visit the old house once more, a few months after we'd left to collect some belongings that we had forgotten in the move. As we waited for one of the girls to return with our things, we had a quick look around. One of the other girls smiled at us, with greenish teeth. The house was starting to encrust with filth...

    And here endeth the tale. I have apparently been The Walrus. Thanks for your attention.It has been a pleasure.

    Sweet dreams.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:22 No.6913226
    The grease of film covering him is able to bend sunlight around his body, effectively making him invisible when outside on a sunny day. Only under the pale light of fluorescence or the dim light of the indoors can he be seen.

    Ever been outside on a beautiful day, only to suddenly to be assaulted by some foul, rotten odor, but unable to find the source of roadkill/skunk that might be causing it?
    Luke is just passing by.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:23 No.6913244

    May God bless you and keep you Walrus. You have seen horrors that would try the sanity and soul of any man or beast.

    Although from your mention of other stories I doubt that the nightmare is yet at an end.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:23 No.6913245
    Koo-koo ka-choo.
    >> Frazer !!NNiZ5EzzZEM 11/28/09(Sat)21:23 No.6913252
    >>Sweet dreams.

    Not bloody likely ( ;_; ), but thanks for sticking with us all the same.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:23 No.6913256
    >Sirk and Myself did visit the old house once more, a few months after we'd left to collect some belongings that we had forgotten in the move. As we waited for one of the girls to return with our things, we had a quick look around. One of the other girls smiled at us, with greenish teeth. The house was starting to encrust with filth...

    That's fake. It can't be real.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:24 No.6913280
    Of course not, but come on!
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:24 No.6913282
    I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:24 No.6913284
    Thanks for the entertainment, it's been a pleasure to read.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:25 No.6913288
    that part prolly isn't. But since the thought has been planted, reality no longer matters.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:25 No.6913295
    God bless you Walrus. Also...

    >One of the other girls smiled at us, with greenish teeth. The house was starting to encrust with filth...
    NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! >>6912723 WAS RIGHT!
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:25 No.6913296
    Its a perfect ending though.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:25 No.6913307
    They're from South America.
    It's entirely possible.
    Not being racist, I've known girls from South America who bathe only once a week
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:26 No.6913316

    Yes, but I must deny it to save myself from thoughts that he could actually spread his 'Lukeness' to others in an airborne way without contact even after weeks
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:27 No.6913328
    What did the Plaguebeast say/do when finally told to get out?

    All this reminds me of two females I used to live with.. While not as.. overtly vile as Luke seems to have been, they were pretty god-damned grody.
    I can only feel sorry for you, for A.) Having been saddled with him in the first place, and B.) Being too damned polite and not dealing with the issue much, much earlier.
    >> Beardfist Fistbeard !!nWXzTrTfSMY 11/28/09(Sat)21:27 No.6913330
    And then Anon realizes this is just a CoC quest thread.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:27 No.6913335
    Sir, even if this is exaggerated thrice over, I appplaud you for providing a solid two evenings worth of entertainment. Thank you.

    While this is posting, I'm gonna go retch now. Be right back.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:27 No.6913336
    Just remember that neither his parents nor sister were this fucked up. This is just artistic embellishment.
    >> The Walrus 11/28/09(Sat)21:28 No.6913344

    Uhm... I hate to chime back in after I made a decent exit, but that part was also true. It made me shudder to my very bones to look at it. We chose to grace the bin one last time, with our retrieved belongings, because we just couldnt face that they'd been in that mess for that long
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:28 No.6913347
    And then Anon was a Luke.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:28 No.6913359
    I am, speaking for myself, a fat and somewhat unkempt man.

    I believe I'm about to undergo the fa/tg/uy equivalent of staring hard at my cigarette and throwing my pack into the garbage.
    >> TOLS aka Sirk 11/28/09(Sat)21:29 No.6913360
    I was trying to persuade him to go with the

    'but he wasn't Luke...


    But sadly he has integrity.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:29 No.6913362
    LIES! Or dirty South American women. PERHAPS BOTH!
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:29 No.6913365
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    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:29 No.6913369
    FFFFFFFFFuuuuuuuuuck. I want to meet Luke. How can I set up a meeting. I must see this human wreckage.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:29 No.6913370
    >green teeth
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:29 No.6913375

    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:30 No.6913379

    ...OH GOD
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:31 No.6913392
    I would have to have hurt Luke the first time I met him. He'd have lost teeth and I'd have lost a hand to gangrene, flesh rotting from bone in a matter of instants.

    I will not tolerate someone that does not keep himself at least somewhat clean, which is one of the reasons I've stopped talking to another friend. Ass purposefully eats food that gives him gas and doesn't shower, though he claims to; says that the smell comes from overactive sweat glands because he's obese. Never heard of sweat that smells like weeks' worth of lack of washing.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:31 No.6913399
    Fantastic story, absolutely. Massively entertaining. If true, then damn. Post pics if you have some.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:31 No.6913402
    Lovecraft couldn't touch the horrors that surround Luke.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:31 No.6913404
    Soooo. Whisky, anyone? It really helps.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:31 No.6913408

    Read 6913167

    Does /tg want more?

    -Cocoon Spooge
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:33 No.6913426
    I knew one guy who had that issue. He was pretty fat then, but it hasn't changed since he's lost weight. Some people do just smell that bad.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:33 No.6913427
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    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:33 No.6913428

    This whole story has been horrific, but fascinating.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:34 No.6913444
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    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:34 No.6913452
    This... this is what the Imperium should use to ensure no man is lost to Nurgle.

    Luke's been made a 1d4chan article, right? This must be recorded.
    >> PointMan !!sjoCtjmIoEU 11/28/09(Sat)21:37 No.6913482
    >>this whole thread

    My god...Just skimming this was fucking traumatizing.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:38 No.6913499
    This reminds if a prick I had to live with for 3 months. So many paralells that I could almost believe it was look except that he lives in England and mine was nowhere near as bad as the Plauge Son. We ended up resorting to calling up his parents (who were rich and extremely nice) explaining all the shit he has pulled on us to get him out of the house.

    Last I heard he'd ended up being all but disowned by his parents after they caught him stealing stuff from their house and selling it on eBay and had proposed to some poor girl who'd only known him for 2 weeks.

    If your still in this thread sufferers of the original Luke perhaps take solace in the thought that these people eventually end up ruining their lives for them selves. If only there wasn't so much colateral damage in the process.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:39 No.6913520
    Last night we were tantalized with pictures of Luke in a "character hat" or some such. Will you be able to provide said pictures?
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:39 No.6913525
    He's not motivated to lose weight, though. And he doesn't sweat; he's acclimated himself to exertion to the point that biking eight miles to our college campus doesn't make him sweat anymore unless he's really trying to get there as fast as he can. He just sits there, greasy-fingered, touching peoples' cards as he plays them at magic, eating slightly warm packaged pepperoni, uncooked hot dogs, day-old bread and drinking bottled water that's had one of those flavor powder pouches mixed into it, farting to the point that no one wants to be near him.

    He's especially adept at driving people out of the place that our little group of six-eight people usually sits, such that everyone stopped sitting there(stopped meeting entirely, actually; a group of familiar faces is easy to spot, after all, but one will fade into a crowd) and didn't tell him.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:40 No.6913538

    You know, I think I can use this in my nWoD campaign...
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:51 No.6913683
    I think the thread is autosaging. Has the image been found, so that we may gaze into the face of evil before it dies?
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:55 No.6913729

    Then would the aforementioned university LAN thing be Fragsoc?
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:55 No.6913739
    Yeah. Some people are just rank.
    I've got a friend at my LGS. Great guy. Big, but really tall. He's loud, boisterous, and funny.. but over the course of being around him, the smell just gets.. barely this side of tolerable. We've tried FeBreeze, and he claims he showers regularly. The group is thinking it has something to do with other reasons I'm hesitant to recall, due to the fact he may glance through here.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:56 No.6913743
    Mr. The Walrus, you have enthralled and disgusted me. This was an excellent story and I shall now be taking a shower so as to cleanse myself.

    This thread has shown me how my bad habits may manifest themselves if left to worsen. Thank you Mr The Walrus. Thank you.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:57 No.6913764
    Is this archived?
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)21:57 No.6913769
    And this was in York.
    Im in Leeds. The thought of being in the same country as this behemoth of repulsiveness is painful, let alone being so damned close.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)22:05 No.6913858
    I've abandoned the name; it feels wrong, considering I've posted this anonymously. I will aim not to disappoint, but alas...


    We scoured our emails, our backups, our friends emails and backups and we have found nothing; our profuse apologies. A message has been sent to Nairda to see if he still has a copy, but he's most likely out drinking and seeing the world in glorious Nairdavision (tm.) If we do find a copy, rest assured we will find a way to post it, even if it means another long story about a related topic. I have a few.


    Yes. Some of you may remember him as the guy who downloaded every scrap of weird pornography that you mentionned.
    >> Alebak !!GutpvEm2fJX 11/28/09(Sat)22:06 No.6913865
    That...no...its not Luke...ITS THE HOUSE.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)22:06 No.6913876
    t'would. he used to go regularly.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)22:09 No.6913914
    >even if it means another long story about a related topic. I have a few.

    If you have more stories, you must post them.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)22:16 No.6913993
    This thread makes me want to vomit. Also, posting from work from inside an ER.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)22:20 No.6914040

    NAME HIM! i must know! in-game name, I'm fucking wracking my brains here and i can't guess who it was
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)22:25 No.6914103

    Consensus supplies either madb0yz, mad0ldb0y, or some variation. Your mileage may vary.
    >> TOLS aka Sirk 11/28/09(Sat)22:26 No.6914109
    mad0boy or mad0ldb0y or something like that.
    >> Spooge Cocoon 11/28/09(Sat)22:26 No.6914110

    Luke Lemon Fanfic... continued!

    Clumsily, he enters you with his middle finger, rotating as he twisted it up, curling as he retreated, the sheer grit in them rubbing you raw as he continued his crude play. Somehow, he must have remembered some of what he saw in those magazines as his thumb paid attention, mirroring the motions of its brother within you, spreading its gravelly grime around your clitoris as it was forced to surface. When the second finger entered you, your body had already gone limp, your legs open, your resistance every bit as dead as your soul.

    You no longer saw anything. Or smelt anything. Or heard anything. All that was left was sensation of touch. Of violation. Of prescience of what was to come.

    He shifted again, you noted feeling his hairy hands leave you. Undulating once more, by now you floated with him in his fluids, his mattress as sponge that could take no more in the ocean of filth that seeped from him, your pores filled with him, raw, irritated, afire.

    You knew what you must do.

    Before you felt the first of his clumsy attempts to enter you, you made one last gulp, bringing your tongue as far forward in your mouth as you could. You felt him pushing at your gates, now seeping open, the salt, grease, and grime that he lubricated you with repelling them from closing. From that pulsing pain you could count your heartbeats.

    You bit down as he entered you. Agony took color behind your shut eyes, given form. Whatever hesitation you had as you began your first bite faded as he pulled back and stopped. There was only one way to end this.

    You bit again. Another sharp bite, and more progress across your tongue... already choking in your saliva, rising bile, and blood. The more he thrust, the more your resolve grew as you sook to escape the sensation from three inches of flaccid pistoning..

    To be Continued?
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)22:28 No.6914130
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)22:29 No.6914141

    I REMEMBER THAT NAME, though i can't put a face to it... i'm both disappointed and relieved.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)22:33 No.6914186
    Oh lawdy

    I read this thread and the archived one and man am I not disappointed!
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)22:37 No.6914247
    It's a longshot, but if our Luke-Sufferers are still present, there may be a picture of him here

    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)22:42 No.6914306
         File1259466155.jpg-(91 KB, 1067x800, IMG_0036.jpg)
    91 KB

    I, ah, might lapse from my normal posting style.

    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)22:45 No.6914343
    Well, he's a long way off, but he doesn't look that ba...

    Wait, are those the headphones from >>6911854?
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)22:46 No.6914358
         File1259466392.jpg-(105 KB, 1067x800, IMG_0016.jpg)
    105 KB

    The face of all those memories...
    >> Anomynous 11/28/09(Sat)22:46 No.6914359
         File1259466394.jpg-(89 KB, 817x588, Nurgle Disappoint.jpg)
    89 KB
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)22:48 No.6914389
         File1259466504.jpg-(67 KB, 1067x800, drac.jpg)
    67 KB
    You sure that's not Draconas?
    >> TOLS aka Sirk 11/28/09(Sat)22:48 No.6914393
    I love the way in both he seems to darken the room around him
    >> TOLS aka Sirk 11/28/09(Sat)22:49 No.6914407
    It's definately him on the right on the second picture either way.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)22:51 No.6914430

    Actually, you might be quite right with the first one; forgive me. I've associated with drac, and he's not a bad chap. The second picture, far right, is Luke. Looks like he's just come back from his parents, judging by the state of his hair, beard and only slightly grimey skin.

    Note the distance between him and other people. That is a neccessary zone of precaution.
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)22:54 No.6914471
    I'll assume the fan is necessary too?
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)22:54 No.6914481
         File1259466897.jpg-(7 KB, 246x334, Lukeyboy.jpg)
    7 KB
    Now that i have the face to match the tales, I'll be off to bed, sleep well.

    also, fucking write a book or something, this stuff was awesome.
    >> Spooge Cocoon 11/28/09(Sat)22:56 No.6914494

    You felt nothing now but the strange echo of void, that same feeling of sharp silence as you felt when you were stunned at the metro.

    You realized that you gazed upon his back now, from above, and realization crept in that beneath the roiling boil of of bear-furred flub was you. You had enough presence left to realize the absurdity that he kept going, even as your shell grew cold, limp, and sallow. .

    He finally noticed after he sputtered within you, himself mewling now, grunting, yelping as he filled your dead womb with his seed. You saw your passive features, a beatific expression of peace on your soiled frame peeking out from beneath his quivering mass. Your mouth was finally open again, a mixture of blood and vomit seeping through.

    "I was that good huh, love?" he quipped as much as wheezed; he almost killed himself in the five minutes it took for you to end your own life.

    Why stay. Why stay when he began to fondle himself back to life, rubbing his cum, grease, and your juice all over himself for the second go.

    Being dead was release, and whatever you were now, you imagined yourself floating away. Heaven, hell, purgatory, oblivion. Anywhere but with him in the room.

    Your ethereal motion halted, as if your spirit hit a barrier that was not quite physical, but rooted all the same, elastic even.

    Then you noticed that it wasn't your body, him, the squirrels, and your consciousness in the room. Thousands... millions... lights... murmured chattering poured into your awareness even as he began frottaging your corpse in preparation for round two.

    They were embedded into the very substance of the room... you began to see them. Almost angeling, these little white beings and their cherubic faces. Until you saw their wriggling tails.

    As a youthful choir, they sang out to you.

    "Welcome home, mother."
    >> Anonymous 11/28/09(Sat)23:04 No.6914615
    My god, you're right about the skin, he does look scrubbed down and visibly pink.

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