GO FIND WHO THE FUCK IS IN CHARGE HERE AND FUCK THEIR SHIT UP

HEY, WAIT, DOES THIS MEAN WE'RE DEMON SPAWN NOW?
FUCK YEAH DEMONIC POWERS!

FIND VIRGIL
I'VE HEARD HE'S A PRETTY COOL DUDE, FOR A PANTY-WASTING PHILOSPHER

FFFFFFFU-
[RAGEMODE/OFF]
In all seriousness, what the hell just happened to us?
Are we still under potato dominance?
General update would be nice.
[RAGEMODE/ON]
UUUUUUCK THAT COCKBITE OF A POTATO

>>7237413
THAT POTATO FUCKING KILLED US

THAT CUNT, WE'RE GONNA SHIT ALL OVER HIS DICK

>>7237413

The potatokin assimilated you, made you rip your own testicles off, then allowed you to die/made you kill yourself with a meat hammer.

Since you are in hell, I doubt that they have given you new spore makers.

Love, your starchy friends.

HEY WAIT A GODDAM SECOND, TARTUS IS FOR SOULS WHO HAVE BEEN JUDGED.
I DON'T REMEMBER A FUCKING TRIAL.
WHERE THE HELL IS MY ATTORNEY?
FUCK, SUMMON THAT DEMON-SLUT WE CUNT PUNCHED EARLIER, MAYBE WE CAN GET HER TO HAVE OUR CASE RETRIED

>>7237413
>You reach for a meat tenderizer and smash his skull in, he is no longer under your control, since he's fucking dead.

The potato questers voted to have us eliminated.

AND NOW WE'RE IN FUCKING GREEK HELL

FUCK

>>7237485
FUCK THEIR FUCKING SHIT!

>>7237485

BUT NOT BEFORE TAKING OUR BALLS! AHDLHFLHDGH AHG{H{AEJGHAJ!

>>7237491
YEAH, WE GOT OUT OF FUCKING MORMON HELL, WE CAN GET OUT GREEK HELL.
FUCK, THAT PUSSY ORPHEUS DID IT, AND ALL HE HAD TO DO WAS PLAY A GODDAM LUTE.

>TARTARUS
I understand the intent, but the guy's showing great emotion while holding a somewhat unclear object next to his head.

Mirth.

FUCKING MAKE AN IDOL OUT OF BONES TO OUR POTATO GODS!!!!!! CLEARLY THEY ARE SUPERIOR AND WE SHOULD WORSHIP THEIR POTATO NAMES!!!!!!!!!!!

>>7237519
FUCK NO!
THAT THING KILLED US FUCKING TWICE!
AND NOW IT'S TRYING TO RAPE OUR DAUGHTER!
NOBODY FUCKING FUCKS WITH OUR FAMILY!
FUCKING NOBODY

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, HOW THE HELL DID WE GET KILLED BY A FUCKING POTATO TWICE?
IT'S A FUCKING POTATO FOR CHRISSAKES, IT DOESN'T EVEN HAVE ANY BONES OR ORGANS OR SHIT.
OUR DAUGHTER EATS FUCKING POTATOES WITH HER FUCKING HAPPY MEALS!
WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?

>>7237476
YOU SUMMON THE POWER OF YOUR RAGE AND YELL FOR TARTARUS CUSTOMER SERVICE.

THE DAEMONETTE FROM BEFORE SHOWS UP AGAIN, TALKING ON SOME KIND OF CELL-PHONE, THEN RECOILS WHEN SHE SEES YOU. SHE IMMEDIATELY VANISHES AGAIN, DROPPING A LETTER ON THE BROKEN CLAY GROUND BEFORE DOING SO.

YOU LOOK OFF INTO THE DISTANCE AND SEE SOME POOR FUCKWAD PUSHING A BIG ASS BOULDER UP A HILL. RIGHT BEFORE IT REACHES THE TOP, IT ROLLS OVER HIM AND ENDS UP AT THE BOTTOM. GETTING UP, THE POOR BASTARD GOES AFTER THE ROCK AGAIN.

WHAT IS YOUR NEXT ACTION?

>>7237558
READ THE FUCKING LETTER
MAYBE IT'S A CLASS ACTION SUITE
WE DIDN'T BECOME A FUCKING CEO BY SITTING AROUND WITH OUR THUMBS UP OUR ASSES

ATTEMPT TO REEEEAD

WHAT OF OUR HELLHOUND?

>>7237588
SERGEANT DICKBITINGFUCK BIT OUR DICK OFF.

FUCK.

>>7237569
>>7237573
YOU ATTEMPT TO READ THE LETTER. ITS IN SOME KIND OF DAEMONIC DIALECT; ROLL 5d13 TO UNDERSTAND THIS BULLSHIT.

>>7237623
YOUR DAMN FUCKING RIGHT WE'RE MAD

WE'VE BEEN KILLED BY THE SAME FUCKING POTATO TWICE AND BOTH TIMES HE'S SENT US TO SHITTY HELLS. PLUS, HE'S CONTROLLING OUR DAUGHTER

dice+5d13

Rollan

>>7237623
YOU BET YOUR GODDAM PLATEMAIL COVERED DICK WE'RE MAD
WE'RE MORE THAN MAD
WE ARE FUCKING INCENSED

rolled 4, 3, 13, 1, 13 = 34

RAAAAAAAAAAGEROOOOOOOLLL

rolled 9, 10, 10, 6, 13 = 48

>>7237606
FUCKING UNDERSTAND THIS SHIT FOR FUCK'S SAKE

GO CHILL WITH AGAMEMNON AND BITCH ABOUT WOMEN, WAIT FOR ODYSSEUS TO COME DOWN AND FUCK SHIT UP

rolled 1, 13, 4, 10, 9 = 37

>>7237630
>>7237634
ANGRYMIND

FOR EMMA!

>>7237647
FUCK, ODYSSEUS AND AGAMMEMON ARE IN THE ELYSIUM FIELDS, WE'RE IN FUCKING FIELDS.
DOESN'T MATTER, THAT AGAMMEMON WAS A FUCKING PRICK

rolled 3, 9, 8, 12, 5 = 37

>>7237638
FUCK, FUCK, FUCKING FUCK.
IS THAT GOOD OR WHAT?

>>7237637
THE LETTER IS IN SOME KIND OF OFFICIAL FORM. YOU RECOGNIZE IT AS THE SAME LEGALESE YOUR ACCOUNTING DEPARTMENT USES.

"Due to your Business practices both in the land of the living and the abode of the dead, you have been sentenced to wander around Tartarus for all Eternity until the gods have seen fit to release the other inhabitants from their torments.

If you would like to appeal this decision, please visit the Avernus Helpdesk, located along the River Styx. Have a nice Afterlife!"

YES, WE CAN GET OUT OF THIS SHITH-

OH, VERY FUCKING FUNNY, TELLING US WE CAN APPEAL WHEN WE CAN'T FUCKING LEAVE TARTARUS TO GO TO THE RIVER STYX.

ROLL 6d66 TO PERFORM AN ANGRY ACTION.

rolled 33, 21, 52, 5, 15, 21 = 147

BECOME AVATAR OF PURE RAGE,
CHANNEL THE POWER OF ANGRY FROM ALL PARTS OF TIME AND SPACE

>>7237706
FUCK YOU BUDDY

rolled 20, 2, 46, 38, 52, 9 = 167

WE MUST WIIIIIN

>>7237706
YOUR RAGE CAUSES THE ROCK THAT POOR BASTARD WAS HAULING UP THE MOUNTAIN TO SPLIT IN TWO. INSTEAD OF ROLLING OVER HIM, THE PIECES ROLL AROUND HIM AND LAND AT THE BOTTOM.

HE LOOKS AT YOU IN DISBELIEVE BEFORE A SHAFT OF WHITE LIGHT ABSORBS HIM AND HE ASCENDS TOWARDS THE BLOOD-RED SKY

WHAT THE FUCK DID WE JUST DO?

ROLL 4d20 TO REACH A CONCLUSION

rolled 7, 4, 15, 9 = 35

DID WE JUST DO WHAT I THINK WE JUST DID!???

rolled 12, 1, 2, 15 = 30

WE JUST JOINED THE FUCKING RED LANTERN CORPS

rolled 1, 15, 12, 15 = 43

>>7237761
>until the gods have seen fit to release the other inhabitants from their torments.
ISN'T IT FUCKING OBVIOUS

THE FUCKING GODS ARE PUSSIES AND WON'T DEAL WITH OUR OWN STARK RAVING BATSHIT INSANE RAGE SO THEY'RE FUCKING RELEASING THE SOULS OF EVERYONE ELSE

FOR FUCK'S SAKE WE'RE THE FUCKING RAGE MESSIAH

rolled 8, 2, 19, 13 = 42

>>7237784
FUCK YEAH!
WITH BLOOD AND RAGE OF CRIMSON RED,
RIPPED FROM A CORPSE SO FRESHLY DEAD,
TOGETHER WITH OUR HELLISH HATE,
WE'LL BURN YOU ALL... THAT IS YOUR FATE!

>>7237777
GENTLEMEN, WE MAY HAVE FOUND OUR FUCKING MEAL TICKET OUT OF HERE.

SURE, THE LETTER SAID WHEN THE "GODS" RELEASE THEM FROM THEIR BONDAGE; APPARENTLY TARTARUS DIDN'T GET THE FUCKING MEMO THOUGH, BECAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE WE JUST RELEASED THAT BASTARD FROM ETERNAL DAMNATION

OUR MISSION IS CLEAR; WE MUST BREAK EVERY OTHER ASSHOLE IN HERE OUT OF TARTARUS SO WE CAN START OUR WAY HOME THROUGH THE BOWELS OF HADES.

WHAT IS OUR NEXT ACTION? ALSO ROLL 3d25 TO DETERMINE HOW MANY POOR FUCKS WE NEED TO BREAK OUT OF HERE BEFORE WE CAN BUST OUT.

rolled 18, 19, 17 = 54

FUCK YEAH
I ALWAYS THOUGHT THE GREEK PANTHEON WAS FILLED WITH PRETENTIOUS DICKS ANYWAY.
IT'S HIGH FUCKING TIME SOMEBODY STUCK UP FOR THE LITTLE GUY

rolled 2, 20, 22 = 44

JAIL BREAK

rolled 13, 4, 19 = 36

FUCK YEAH, LETS ASSEMBLE THE DREAM TEAM OF ASSHOLES WHO PISSED OFF THE POWERS THAT BE:
IXION
ALEOUS
TANTALUS; WELL MAYBE NOT TANTALUS, HE'S A DICK

>>7237826
YOU WANDER AROUND. AS FAR AS YOU CAN TELL, THERE ARE ONLY ABOUT 54 OF THE FUCKERS IN HERE. IT'LL TAKE A WHILE, BUT WHAT THE HEAVEN, YOU'RE IN HELL, SO MIGHT AS WELL GO FOR IT.

WHAT IS YOUR NEXT ACTION.

BREAK THEM OUT

>>7237870
FIND SOMETHING OR SOMEONE WHO CAN FUCK WITH THAT POTATO DEMON SPAWN'S HOLD ON EMMA

>>7237862
Aeolus just got released. We weren't close enough to tie him down, so the fucker got lifted into the sky.

>>7237917
NO, THAT'S FUCKIN' SISYPHUS

TWO WORDS
BREAK. EVERYTHING.

>>7237905
FUCKIN' SECONDED
THERE'S GOT TO BE SOMETHING IN THIS GOD FORASAKEN PIT TO STOP THAT FUCKING POTATO
I MEAN, HOW HARD IS IT BE, IT'S A FUCKING POTATO!

WAS IT WINTER OR SUMMER WHEN WE LEFT? PERSEPHONE MIGHT BE ABOUT.

>>7237905
UNFORTUNATELY, ALL THE POOR FUCKS IN TARTARUS ARE CHAINED DOWN OR OTHERWISE OCCUPIED. NONE OF THEM SEEM TO HAVE ANY POWER.

>>7237897
FROM WHERE YOU ARE, YOU CAN SEE THE MAN STRAPPED TO THE BURNING WHEEL IS ABOUT TO GO PAST YOU; YOU CAN ALSO SEE THE GUY REACHING FOR A SMALL CLUMP OF GRAPES BUT NEVER QUITE REACHING THEM

WHO DO YOU BREAK OUT FIRST

BURNING WHEEL GUY

>>7237983
WHEEL GUY

>>7237983
>>7237985
YOU KICK THE FUCKING GUY IN THE CHEST AS HE ROLLS BY YOU. THE WHEEL FALLS DOWN AND ITS FLAMES GO OUT. THE RESTRAINTS HOLDING THE MAN ARE RELEASED BUT HE DOESN'T ASCEND. PROBABLY BECAUSE YOU KNOCKED HIM OUT WITH THE RAGE BEHIND YOUR KICK.

EITHER WAY, HE IS NOW FREE.

DO YOU FREE GRAPE GUY NOW, OR FIND ANOTHER PERSON TO RELEASE?

>>7237961

A PLAN:

1) GATHER ARMY OF FURIOUS TORTURED ASSHOLES.
2) BEAT UP HADES
3) MAKE HIM GIVE US PERSEPHONE - SHE IS A GODDESS OF FERTILITY. IF ANYBODY CAN CURSE THE DAMN POTATO IT'S HER!
4) KILL THE POTATO, SAVE DAY!

>>7238023

THROW GRAPE GUY AT GRAPES.

another person that one is a dick

>>7238023
GRAPE GUY

TANTALUS

its august 20th

THROW THE FUCKER AT THE GRAPES

>>7238048
WAIT IS IT THAT FUCKER TANTALUS?
FUCK HIM.

Quest called on account of Board Instability (For now, at least).

Awww

>>7238153
Don't worry, I'll take the time to plot this out more efficiently.