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  • File : 1275180070.jpg-(109 KB, 400x643, 1275067015473.jpg)
    109 KB Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)20:41 No.10143721  
    /tg/, do you have any more of these hilariously over-descriptive book covers?
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)20:45 No.10143784
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    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)20:49 No.10143858

    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)21:01 No.10144075
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    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)21:04 No.10144122
    Is it bad that this sent me into a giggling fit for like three minutes?
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)21:06 No.10144158
    To be fair, the first few books were harmless enough (ignoring for now his distinct bondage fetish). Everything just started going to shit after like the 4th book.
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)21:10 No.10144243
    I just kind of wish that more authors thoughtlessly threw together books that were never really planned to be twelve-to-eighty part sagas, but eventually become that due to readers begging for more.

    "Guys, I just want you to know that I didn't intend for this to turn out the way it did. When I first started writing, I was terrified of rejection. Now that I'm older and wiser, I realize I was right to be afraid."
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)21:11 No.10144254
    >>10144158 Everything just started going to shit after like the 4th book.

    I guess it was either that or just re-releasing exactly the same book eleven times.
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)21:13 No.10144291
    There are a lot of very valid things to hate about the series. The books being all the same is not particularly one of them.
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)21:13 No.10144297
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    So kinda like this.
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)21:13 No.10144299
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    That one's so accurate it scares me. Seriously, why were they putting these books in the adolescent section?

    -As this this one. It was a fun read, but man the Pip and Flinx stories that followed sucked. Not to say that Alan Dean Foster is a bad author, he's just not a particularly great author.

    Did Terry Goodkind reach Gor levels of depravity?
    >> Shas'o R'myr !!TZikiEEr0tg 05/29/10(Sat)21:14 No.10144317
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    >> Shas'o R'myr !!TZikiEEr0tg 05/29/10(Sat)21:14 No.10144330
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    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)21:17 No.10144369




    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)21:17 No.10144373
    Oh come on. Victory celebrations regarding the last victory are somewhat spoilt by concern for some new danger. Concerns turn out to be true. Bondage fetish kicks in. Things look more and more grim, until we're about to run out of paper, when someone pulls a complete deus ex and saves the day, usually following the theme of ever-decreasingly memorable rules of wizardry. And somewhere along the way Richard gets to be all hardcore and Do What Must Be Done, usually involving killing civilians.
    >> Exalted !OOirDpvrkA 05/29/10(Sat)21:17 No.10144389
    What about child porn happened there?
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)21:21 No.10144460
    I gotta say, I enjoyed the TV series they made based on his stuff.
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)21:22 No.10144482
    Yes, in the vague frame of plot, but you can say that about, like, all fiction ever. It's such a minor issue when there are so many other things you can pull out to complain about it. Like the aforementioned bondage fetish. Or his LOL OBJECTIVISM SUBTLETY IS FOR FAGS thing. Or naming the series after something which is only really relevant in like 2 books. Or the fun eugenics metaphors later in the series. Or a fuckton of other things that I'm forgetting right now.
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)21:28 No.10144576
    As someone who gave up after four books I'd say the repetitiveness deserves to be mentioned. But I'll admit that it's entirely possible that it's grossly overshadowed by other issues later on in the series.
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)21:31 No.10144625

    Bondage fetish?

    Does that mean the books would probably be readable to someone who happened to share that fetish? Or is there enough general retardation (see: objectivism) to turn off readers even so inclined?
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)21:31 No.10144629

    >read it
    >find it unamusing and clumsy
    >laugh in spite of self
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)21:33 No.10144669
    It's 90% retarded with a side of bondage.
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)21:35 No.10144694
    >Knights Who Say Fuck by George R.R. Martin

    Just about sums it up, really
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)21:35 No.10144695
    They're already readable, they just aren't good. If they weren't readable he'd be out of a job and we'd all be in a better position.
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)21:36 No.10144705
    Spellsinger was a fun read. Rocker and all-around awesome guy Jon Thomas is transported into a world full of furries and 5 foot tall women, where he ends up saving said world on multiple occasions.

    Before you say furfaggotry, I sympathized with the main character as he really, really, really hated the world he was in, hated the talking animals and manipulative "good guys," and had his latina girlfriend seduced by a smooth-talking rabbit.

    The shit he put up with was incredible.
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)21:37 No.10144726
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    To be fair to Piers Anthony, he has given me one thing: As soon as anyone says anything about him that isn't a pedo or shit writer joke, I know I can screen everything else they say.
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)21:37 No.10144733
    Does fuck else happen besides overusage of fuck?
    I want to fucking know what the fuck happens in this fucking fucker.
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)21:41 No.10144798

    Fuck is like a spice, man

    Apply it in just the right amounts, and your food will taste fucking awesome.

    Fucking overuse the fucking thing, and your fucking food will fucking taste horrible, fuck
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)21:41 No.10144806
    People die.

    Lots and lots of people die.

    There's some rape too.
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)21:43 No.10144836
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    "THANK YOU."
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)21:44 No.10144861
    Someone else reviews Kilobyte, and comes to the same conclusions I did when I was 12:

    Killobyte starts as an intriguing, well-paced investigation of the virtual reality concept. The protagonist, Walter, explores the game from the earlier 'levels' - ushering the reader through the early ramifications of the new technology. Walter soon encounters multi-player gaming and Anthony, to his credit, deftly explores the repercussions of that aspect as well - a virtual reality world for one is wildly different than a world shared with others. Anthony even does a credible job showing the difference between power-gamers, social gamers, role-players. While Walter is out to explore the new world, others, like the woman, Baal, are merely using it as escapism. And still others are playing to 'win' - ignoring the meaning of the worlds they play in and just trying to rack up points.

    Anthony being Anthony, however, the initial promise of the book is quickly ruined. Walter and Baal immediately kick off a romance (complete with VR sexual exploration), based almost entirely on the fact that they're both 'misfits' - Walter is wheelchair-bound, Baal is diabetic (something Anthony touches in repeatedly in his books). Several meandering expositional (yet in no way interesting) chapters later, their budding relationship is spoiled by a HACKER. Hackers, we learn, are the emo terrorists of the future. This one, Phreak, is a lonely kid who reaches out by logging in to Killobyte and heckling people.

    And it gets worse.
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)21:49 No.10144929
    I never read much Piers Anthony, but I have a friend who loves Xanth and is constantly trying to get me to read it.

    What is this referencing? Where is there child porn in his books?
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)21:52 No.10144974
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    Clothahump the turtle wizard rules in a way that not even knowing there's 34 of him out there can diminish.
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)21:53 No.10144982
    And yes that is a motherfucking leather-clad koala barbarian on the cover.

    Christ that book.
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)21:53 No.10144987

    I've only ever read 20 pages of a Piers Anthony book. Those 20 pages involved a young boy being kidnapped by a... let's say buoyant mermaid in order to eventually use him to father children.

    Wouldn't touch his books again with a goddamn bargepole.
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)21:58 No.10145045
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    Posted for utter truth.
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)21:58 No.10145054

    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)22:01 No.10145083
    Look at it this way: Piers Anthony makes a shitload of money by identifying present and future pedophiles to the populace at large. He's like Chris Hansen, only wholesale instead of retail.
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)22:15 No.10145282
    You think reading Piers Anthony is awkward when you're a kid? Try reading Larry Niven's Protector and get to the part where the once-human explains how his balls fell off during the change!
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)22:15 No.10145284
    >I was abused as a young boy.

    Christ, what is with you people? There's no fucking SEX in Xanth. There's the whole Adult Conspiracy motif and nothing ever gets too close to racy.

    Jesus christ.
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)22:16 No.10145305
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    Goddammit, that would require me to consider him a force for not total shit.
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)22:21 No.10145365
    Frankly, it's worse. It's like a guy writing porn and using words like "winkie" and "hoo-hoo". To anyone with a normal human grasp of subtext, it's skincrawlingly creepy.
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)22:29 No.10145493
    >It's like a guy writing porn and using words like "winkie" and "hoo-hoo".

    Protip: It's nothing like that. It's like a scene that fades to black.
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)22:29 No.10145500
    Do you remember the part where that eight-foot tall tigerlady thought he was "cute?"
    Roseroar, wasn't it?

    It's a pity that I learned about furries after this ("People make fan art of Redwall? I remember enjoying that when I was a kid, these should be fairly- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH WHY WOULD YOU DRAW THAT YOU SICK BASTARD"
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)22:31 No.10145513
    >You think reading Piers Anthony is awkward when you're a kid?

    Nope. Read the first 11 books in the Xanth trilogy when I was in second and third grade. Only "awkward" part was that some of them had the traditional I Am A Fantasy Book Cover going on, and I didn't want to be seen carrying a book with a half-nekkid chick on it.
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)22:34 No.10145579
    Piers Anthony is a pedophile? Wow, I just remember stupid puns and a girl who changed over the month. Only read a few of them when I was a kid though.
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)22:36 No.10145606
    >11 books
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)22:36 No.10145610

    This. My sister used to love them, and because of that I've read some of them (usually because I was bored as fuck.) Xanth isn't that bad.

    And you know why I say that? Because I've read the other shit Anthony has written, and HOLY FUCKING BALLS IS IT /d/ TACULAR. Like the short story where a character is scouting an alternate reality where women are lobotomized at birth and turned into milking cows.

    Yes, the whole /d/ fetish women-being-milked thing; Piers Anthony wrote an entire fucking story about that.
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)22:38 No.10145641
    rolled 5 = 5

    shop this so she's holding dogshit instead of an apple
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)22:38 No.10145642

    Redwall series was cool until I read my third book of the series and realized that Brian Jaques follows a cookie-cutter formula for his plot, every time.

    Thank you, Brain, you always introduce a third hostile party that is hostile to both the first bad guy and the heroes. How fucking brilliant.
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)22:39 No.10145663
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    Well, to be fair... the first novel-length book I read was this at the tender age of 12.

    Yes, that Carl Sagan.
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)22:41 No.10145692
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    This is the best I can offer you. I'm sorry.
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)22:43 No.10145724
    Carl Sagan.
    At twelve.
    Who the fuck raised you?
    >> Gaow? 05/29/10(Sat)22:43 No.10145726
    I love how the example rifts book has coffee stains and battered corners.

    Fucking softbound. Spring for a real book binder, Kevin!
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)22:43 No.10145727
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    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)22:44 No.10145732

    >first 11 books


    so wait, there are like 33 books in this "trilogy"?
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)22:46 No.10145766
    I kept hoping the humans they hinted at would show up in person so there would be a proper scale to things AND a different view of the situation where predators aren't all automatically evil.
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)22:48 No.10145796
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    Oh PKD, why is everything you write so great? Even the stuff that annoys the piss out of me (Pic Related) is still great.
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)22:49 No.10145801
    I have no idea about the books people talk about in this thread (except for the sherlock one. I have it).

    I think I'm lucky.
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)22:50 No.10145827

    Tits & Robots & Monsters & Math!

    I lol'd
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)22:50 No.10145830

    Scale? Predators not evil? You hitting the pipe boy? This is Brian Motherfucking Jaques, you might as well ask him not to describe food in such detail.
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)22:53 No.10145859

    PKD is incredibly awesome. Insane, but awesome. He apparently thought that Stanislaw Lem was actually a committee set up by the Soviet Union for some nefarious purpose.

    Lem makes a joke about it in one of the Pirx stories.
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)22:55 No.10145902
    You know what the worst fantasy book I ever read was? Well I can't remember the name, but I know it was about some guy living in the present, whose wife and kids left him after he got leprosy. He then lives as a shut it, constantly bitching about his leprosy. Then he goes to the store one day and gets hit by a car, but he wakes up in a magic high fantasy world where the people believe he is prophesied to be either a great evil or a force of good. Be spends his journey bitching about his leprosy, being all-around nasty to the people around him and even raping the only character to be kind to him. I stopped shortly after that.
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)22:55 No.10145907
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    Only in the sense that a guy who's never heard pop music is lucky. Everyone needs a little garbage culture.
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)22:56 No.10145918
    A molecular biologist and a former latin teacher.
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)23:01 No.10146017
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    No fucking way. That's a new one on me, although it fits in perfectly with everything else I know about PKD. The man was madder than a rhubarb hat.

    Pic Related. It does not get better. At all. Nick Lowe invented a game you can play with those books called Clench Racing, where you flip open the book at random and see how long it takes you to find the word "clench.
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)23:01 No.10146019
    If i remember correctly, the first novels I read as a kid was Raymond E Feist's Riftwar series.

    It also made the old dos game Betrayal at Krondor that i was playing at the time make a lot more fucking sense, having been based on the series.
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)23:02 No.10146038
    and the product of their endeavor is now on 4chan
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)23:04 No.10146064
    I remember complaining about the number of food-related events in Redwall to my mom and recieving this C.S. Lewis quote in response: "if I didn't write children's novels, there would be sex instead of feasts."
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)23:04 No.10146067
    Excellent series, excellent game.

    Respect, good sir.
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)23:06 No.10146107
    >so wait, there are like 33 books in this "trilogy"?

    By now? Probably. I stopped after 20 or so, he kept right on typing.

    It's a fandom joke that Xanth was meant to be a trilogy, and Anthony called it that even as it got to be five books. Nowadays... I just like referring to Book Twenty-Four in the Xanth trilogy.

    At any rate, to re-iterate what others have said: Maybe a lot of Anthony's writing is pedo and /d/. Xanth really isn't. It's not GOOD WRITING, mind you, it's schlock braincandy that I enjoyed mainly because they were the first full-length novels I ever read and they had nostalgia on their side after that... but it's not child porn, ffs.
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)23:07 No.10146130
    >> LogicNinja !AZlS3./ex. 05/29/10(Sat)23:07 No.10146134
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    Oh, god, this is brilliant.
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)23:09 No.10146157

    ... I managed to get thirteen books in and I still had to read two books from a completely unrelated series, his Flying Dutchman books, before finally figuring that out.

    I must have been distracted by all those feasts or something.
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)23:09 No.10146159
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    Dude fucks five year old.
    She becomes his waifu.
    Wat do?
    >> LogicNinja !AZlS3./ex. 05/29/10(Sat)23:10 No.10146181
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    >Piers Anthony
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)23:19 No.10146357
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    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)23:22 No.10146404

    Mercedes Lackey was my obssession when I was 14. Yes I am male. It was only much later that I noticed the overabundance of characters who were either homosexual men or powerful women rulers.

    I still think gryphons are pretty awesome though.
    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)23:45 No.10146734
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    Oh hey there's more.

    >> Anonymous 05/29/10(Sat)23:56 No.10146942
    Holy shit, that guy is jet-skiing on two tigers.
    >> Anonymous 05/30/10(Sun)00:19 No.10147315
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    >> Anonymous 05/30/10(Sun)00:20 No.10147333
    That's something I can relate to. It took me a few book to start wondering about the distinct lack of an lesbians though. What, every dude and his brother has a 50% chance of being either gay or bi but women don't roll for other women?

    Xanth got stale after the third book. There's only so many puns I can deal with before I give up disgust.

    Oh god not this book. This was a horrible horrible book. It was just an excuse for some of the worst sex scenes I've ever read. And I've read the 'excuse for masturbation' stuff that we write here.
    >> Anonymous 05/30/10(Sun)00:22 No.10147365
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    >> Anonymous 05/30/10(Sun)00:25 No.10147429
    Cheer up, big guy!
    >> Body Thetan !!j7BvgG0ZnNx 05/30/10(Sun)00:28 No.10147509
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    Oh god this

    100 times this
    >> Anonymous 05/30/10(Sun)00:35 No.10147644
    That may be the greatest book cover ever.

    I never got into xanth, actually. I just read the Incarnations of Immortality, and I stopped after the one with SATAN, because the other ones just seemed dumb
    >> Anonymous 05/30/10(Sun)00:39 No.10147722
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    Let me guess, you actually read the sequels?
    Maybe even the prequels?

    Shit man, you'll never get those hours of your life back.
    >> Anonymous 05/30/10(Sun)00:50 No.10147961
    >Maybe even the prequels?

    The sequels I didn't mind too terribly.

    The KJA prequels can get fucked though. Holy shit.
    >> Tech Priest Naile 05/30/10(Sun)00:55 No.10148052
    Does anyone have the version of "fucking epic rabbits" version of the Watership Down cover?
    >> Anonymous 05/30/10(Sun)00:59 No.10148131

    Up to Heretics of Dune, all sequels are fucking awesome. The Heretics and Chapterhouse storyline, however, leave too many questions unanswered.
    >> Anonymous 05/30/10(Sun)01:02 No.10148213
    holy fuck nostalgia i want to go through them again
    >> Anonymous 05/30/10(Sun)01:04 No.10148257

    I don't regret reading up too God Emperor of Dune.

    I'd have to be threatened with prolonged genital electrocution to read any of the prequels tho.
    >> Anonymous 05/30/10(Sun)01:30 No.10148799
    I read the first prequel book. It was just about as bad the ones they wrote for the foundation series.
    >> Anonymous 05/30/10(Sun)02:30 No.10150038
    Hunters and Sandworms of Dune ties up everything I can think of.
    >> Anonymous 05/30/10(Sun)08:15 No.10155069

    Shush, those books are awesome.
    >> Anonymous 05/30/10(Sun)08:22 No.10155146

    It's strictly formula, yes, but it was an entertaining formula.

    Also, Lord Brocktree had no third party.
    >> Anonymous 05/30/10(Sun)08:28 No.10155220
    Piers Anthony has some serious issues as a writer but I'm not seeing where the pedophilia complaint is coming from when the whole joke is that underaged people in Xanth literally _cannot_ know what sex is.

    Also, there was a bit in one of the books where a Mustang (the car) bred with a horse.
    >> Anonymous 05/30/10(Sun)08:34 No.10155278

    Was this a real book?
    >> Dr. Baron von Evilsatan 05/30/10(Sun)08:38 No.10155323
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    >> Anonymous 05/30/10(Sun)10:22 No.10156519
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    > Little girls' panties
    > Older women squabbling over a ten-year-old boy
    > "Hey kids, sex is special and wonderful and YOUUUUU can't have any"

    Long before I'd read any of his actual kiddy-fiddling, the queasy "innocent" sexuality of the Xanth books was pinging the creep alarm something wicked. I know the kids these days wouldn't know subtext if it bit them, but that shit was practically text.

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