He'd met her in his voice acting class. (The area where we live actually does have several dubbing studios, so this was not necessarily as pointless as it sounds.) Apparently he'd seen a Forgotten Realms novel on her pile of things, with everyone's "favorite" Drow posing all majestic on the cover. Of course this sent up red flags with me, and he confirmed that he'd felt the same way just from the look I obviously had on my face. But he was desperate to inject some new blood into the group, and new female blood was all the better. So he'd decided to give it a shot anyway and ask her if she liked D&D.

Relief flooded me as he explained that she had said she loved D&D, and when asked about the book had actually laughed out loud. Turns out one of the guys in her prior group had somehow talked the GM into letting him play the son of Drizz't and a gold dragon, and she'd wanted to read the book to laugh at her former associate vicariously. I was feeling more cheered by the minute... not only did she think those books were terrible, but she had war stories. War stories always livened up chats during lulls, and by this point we'd heard everyone in the group's several times. So it wasn't a stretch to say I was now positively eager to meet this new girl.

And I admit, I kind of hoped she was cute.

Unfortunately, since I'd been having imaginings of an unrealistic nature, I was probably more disappointed than I should have been when I met her in the flesh. We shall call her Rogue for the rest of this story, for it was what she wanted to play, and she had a swatch of color in her bangs (not white, blue). She was actually a fairly cute indie girl, slightly on the chubby side and nothing particularly special in the looks department, plain brown hair other than the dyed bit, kind of baggy clothes. I'd probably let my imagination run away with me to begin thinking of well-endowed goth girls. But eventually I was much happier to have Rogue around, as we hit it off quite well.

Our party had a rogue, but the guy playing him had grown tired of being our party's "self-propelled lockpick", as he put it, and before our new addition had even quite finished saying what she'd like to play (if it was okay, and if no one minded) before he was volunteering to have his current character killed off and replaced by a barbarian character he'd been working on. So we opened in media res trying to get into a new dungeon, and poor Voskoz critical fumbled a disable device on the entrance, and went plunging straight down into a gelatinous cube. We observed three rounds of silence for our fallen friend, before turning and heading back to town to pick up our new party members in the tavern, Ulgin the Human Barbarian and Reina the Elf Rogue. Yes, stereotypical, but I assure you we did it VERY ironically, with our noses practically in the air and nudging each other all the while.

Rogue turned out to be a very fun addition to the group. Very much a role player, quite willing to go along with the party, suggesting ideas often but not pouting a lot when hers got shot down. She got along quite well with pretty much the entire group, save for the problem player... the same guy the DM's wife had previously had a problem with. I say this not because it will be particularly important later, but rather to point out that she fairly quickly learned his triggers, much as the rest of us had, and learned not to set him off when he was being pissy. He sat on one side of the table and constantly pored over the books for new ways to powergame, she sat at the opposite end on the other side of the table and played with her knife, and they generally ignored each other, their characters interacting passingly, the players interacting barely at all.

Ah the knife. That was perhaps her only slightly annoying habit. She had this dollar store toy knife that she fiddled with constantly. She'd often talk with it, doing gestures, sometimes illustrating things her character was doing with her own knife in game. It was this gaudy little thing made out of gold and silver plastic, with big plastic gems set in the hilt, one of which had fallen out. It was completely and utterly blunt, you'd have had a hard time killing a cockroach with the damn thing, so it's not like it was dangerous. But it was gaudy, and sometimes distracting, since it was shiny enough to catch the light and constantly catch your attention when she'd be doing something with it. But for such a good player, most of us just accepted it as her personal eccentricity, and every gamer has one of those. Problem dude muttered complaints about it a few times, but since his gamer eccentricity was being a dick, no one paid much attention.

Anyway, it took about a year for the new to wear off, and for us all to get used to her as just another gamer. Farting and dirty jokes had resumed. It helped that Rogue was dedicated... she took the bus straight from work to get to the game, a half hour trip with one bus change. She usually got a ride home with myself or the guy playing a wizard, since the two of us were in the general direction she lived, within a few miles. I lived closer to her, but I also had to drive the dick home (he was playing a multiclassed psionic character), so on nights where he'd been insufferable she usually went with the wizard instead.

So she gets to the game and we all settle in. DM sat at one end of the table, on his left was the barbarian, then Rogue, then wizard across from the DM, then me, then psion. We were all eager for that night's game because we were about to set out into the real Underdark for the first time that night. We'd been in the shallows, and hanging out in a dwarf stronghold, so around the table there's a palpable sense that shit was about to get real. And it did, since almost immediately upon stepping out of the stronghold and into the tunnels, we were jumped by a Drow patrol. I teased the DM about it being like a Final Fantasy game where you can't take two steps without it being a random encounter.

Anyway, a fair bit of combat later, we manage to talk the psion out of killing the last drow, who's been knocked unconscious. Instead we tie him up and take him back to the stronghold for interrogation. We stick him in a room and tie him to a chair. Psion is bitching about how he's likely to turn into a drider and try to kill us all at any time. DM is over there rolling his eyes, because he doesn't really pull that shit on us very often... he rewards us for ideas usually, but the psion tended to keep treating him like he was any "them versus you" DM and looking to screw us at any opportunity. DM likely would not have continued tolerating this shit, but he'd known the guy for many years and considered him a friend. Why he considered him this, I wasn't sure, but there you go.

So we're all standing around down the hall deciding how we're going to interrogate our prisoner. The wizard has a candle whose flame changes color when evil beings lie, but we have to get the drow to actually talk to us first, and knowing when he's lying is not the same as telling the truth. Eventually the subject of torture is raised. Psion immediately starts flipping through the pages of one of the books to look up the rules, while the rest of us are still discussing whether it's a good idea at all. Half the party is some variety of good, half the party is neutral, so we're not entirely at consensus.

That's when Rogue, who had been fairly quiet all through this discussion, suddenly says, "Let me do it. I know about the Drow. It'll be easy."

Well, her character having researched and fought the Drow before had been established previously some time ago, back when we'd fought some on the surface, which had led to us coming down to the Underdark in the first place. So we can't really argue with that. She makes a quick check to ask if she thinks the drow has expended all of his natural spells for the day. Her INT's good, she rolls well, the DM says yes and we all pretty much believe him. So she just says "Follow my lead and let me do all the talking." Wizard lights candle, and in we go.

We all sort of stand around as she talks about how she walks over to the Drow and looks him over. He's awake by now, and the DM says how he's glaring at her so hard that he'd be entitled to an intimidate check if he weren't so completely at our mercy. Then she says "I'll start untying him." We all react at that, and the DM asks if she's sure. Rogue says, "He's got the people who beat up him and six of his friends all staring at him at the ready. Does he seem like he's going to try anything even then?" DM still seems a bit unsure, so he asks for sense motive. Gets it. No, Drow guy doesn't seem like he'll try anything even if he's untied. So she goes ahead, while the rest of us wonder what she's about. Okay, maybe I was wondering if I was about to hear something smutty. We were all confused, but I think there was another emotion for most of us as well. The barbarian was leery, the wizard was intrigued, I was sort of like "oh what now?" Psion had found something in his book he apparently considered more interesting.

He wouldn't consider it more interesting for much longer.

So Rogue describes how she pulls over a chair and sits down beside the Drow, and just looks at him. Then she starts talking to him. She begins telling him about how she understands how he must hate her, how he must hate all surface elves. She continues talking to him about the history of that hate, of the war between their people. How she understands how hurt and how angry so many of the Drow must be, how their pride demands satisfaction. I mean, this was all great stuff. Kind of overly sweet and nice, but she had obviously learned a lot from her voice acting courses. Rogue was making every word heartfelt, everything she said was so gentle and powerful that it seemed like one of those speeches that the heroine gives to the BBEG at the end of the series to bring out the spark of goodness in their heart before the end. She paused early on and passed a note to the DM, and after that sometimes she'd pause and say "Another roll?" and he'd just nod. I guessed that she was making diplomacy rolls, or maybe even history rolls, to know the right things to say. She was doing pretty well on all of them, but again, her INT and CHA were very good, so that helped.

After she'd started, she started doing the thing of acting out her character's actions. This time, instead of using the knife, she was using the barbarian, since he was sitting next to her. Rogue took his hand in both hers, she rubbed it gently, as she continued she moved her hand up his arm. As she talked about the Drow's fierce pride and about how hard life must be in the constant threat of the Underdark, she gripped his upper arm in a show of solidarity. It was an amazing performance, and I think we were all captivated. Even the psion had lowered his book and was watching now. The wizard had sat back in his chair with his chin propped in one hand. I was thinking how she seemed to be wasted in voice acting, she ought to get into full-fledged theater.

C-C-C-COMBOBREAKER!!

>>11700597
suck a chode

The DM was doing a good job himself, I must add. He'd been stunned at first, but I could see him gradually getting further into playing the roll of the captive Drow fighter. When Rogue would pause and ask if she needed to roll, that was usually when he'd describe the captive's reactions. He gradually went from out and out hatred to confusion, and then gradually to looking at her with something like hope. Both of their narratives, as well as the physical touches, seemed to be having the barbarian playing the role of the Drow as well, as he was looking at her with similar expressions... although something closer to affection at the moment.

Finally, she leaned close and looked him in the eye. She described how she also understood how it must be for him, personally, to be treated as a second-class citizen because he was male. How it must hurt him to constantly know that he would never be considered an equal, could never hope to climb as high in society. She told him she understood how he felt because her own city in the elven lands had been matriarchal, and she'd felt the same pain, even if it hadn't been as cruel. She paused for a dice roll, and then said, with the deepest and most sincere words I think I'd ever heard anyone say, that she was not a woman like that. They could be equals, if only he would help us. She paused, she looked at the DM. After a moment, we all looked at him too. His face was schooled into a mask, and I thought it must be because he was trying not to be as affected by the performance as most of the rest of us were. He was quiet, and then he said a sentence that both shocked us and, I think on some level, actually wasn't a surprise at all.

"He collapses against you sobbing."

Do continue, OP. It's pretty interesting.

The barbarian decided to follow his cue. Though he didn't start sobbing, he did lean forward and put his face against Rogue's shoulder. She lifted her hand and began petting his hair and saying "It's all right. It's all right." That was the moment that envy began to bloom in my chest, but I still had no idea of just what a great green tree it would be before the night was over.

The DM said that he told us everything, and that the candle never even flickered. He went so far as to pass over his own maps of the areas where the drow patrol had come from to me, and said that the captive, now presumably a convert, had told us so much that we could continue on fairly deep and we'd be able to simply ask "Did the Drow tell us about this?" and we'd know all he had about the area. Even the psion looked impressed. Rogue looked up from petting the barbarian's hair and asked if he'd finished telling us everything, and the DM confirmed that yes, he had. She smiled brilliantly.

"Good. I'm done with him, then."

Envy is such a terrible thing. I hope you didn't do something douchey before the night was over.

None of us had even noticed the knife.

That fucking knife, that shiny, attention-grabbing, reflective, gaudy as hell little knife. We'd all been so wrapped up in the performance that not a one of us had noticed her palm it while she was petting the barbarian's hair. Maybe we'd been looking at the DM and she'd done it then. Maybe she was just that good. But it was now pressed right up against the barbarian's chest... or rather, as we all knew, the Drow's chest. She waited several beats, looking around to see that all of us now saw what she was holding, and said, just as cheerfully, "I stab him in the heart."

The Drow was as flat-footed as it was possible to be. We all knew just how many dice of sneak attack she had, too. The DM was now grinning as well as he said not to bother rolling, it was an instant kill attack. Well, not instant. As he described the dawning horror on the Drow man's face, his eyes wide but growing dull as he stared at her in betrayal, trying to get the strength to lift his arms, I knew. I knew that she hadn't been rolling diplomacy, or knowledge history, or any kind of sense motive. She'd been rolling bluff.

The DM finished detailing the Drow's death movements, while the rest of us sat and stared. I can only imagine our characters were doing much the same. The barbarian, keeping up his momentary role, fell back in his chair, Rogue's hand following the motion to keep the knife in place. But he wasn't looking at her in betrayal. Oh, no. No, it was something entirely different. On the other end of the scale. Something more like Prince would sing about, as the man once said.

Rogue made an elaborate motion of drawing out the knife, holding it "point" up in front of her face as she gave us all the brightest, sweetest smile possible. For a moment my eyes locked with hers, and in that moment she leaned forward, stuck out her tongue, and dragged it along what was supposed to be the blade that was dripping with a man's lifeblood. I still remember the sound that her tongue stud made as it slid across the plastic.

Gentlemen, I don't mind telling you that at that moment, I had an erection that should have only been achievable with the aid of chemicals originally developed to treat blood pressure.

She caught a ride with the barbarian that night, instead of myself or the wizard. The barbarian lived in the opposite direction. As I drove home, I convinced myself that he was just going a long way around because he had never gotten the chance to chat with her on a drive home before.

For you see, that was when envy had bloomed. Envy of my bro, who had simply had the fortune to wind up sitting next to her regularly. It was an envy without hatred, without fire... rather a cold, bittersweet knowledge that he had been part of an experience that I would have dearly loved to have been part of. And yet even now, I could not begrudge any man that. Or at least, that was what I convinced myself, because I wasn't going to let the snake twining around my heart make me hate a man I'd been friends with for five years.

The psion was pretty quiet the whole ride home. He'd started to say something like "Can you believe that?", with what sounded like half amazement and half annoyance. But for once in his shut-in little life he seemed to pick up on the mood, and fell quiet. I dropped him off at his parents' home, did the customary going inside to watch something that he'd discovered that week, sitting in his cluttered little room. As I sat and watched some music video that involved lesbian robots getting it on, my mind was still far away, wondering why I was wishing so hard that it had been me with the blunt tip of a stupid plastic knife pressed against my heart.

So that brings us to today. Rogue still plays with us every week, though she's playing a 4ed sorcerer at the moment. She does have to cancel more often than she used to, though. Sometimes her and my barbarian bro's babysitter falls through, and that's just how things are.

I occasionally still feel that snake wriggle around my heart when I look at her, or see them together. (It was particularly active a few months after that night, as the titty fairy had dropped by and apparently been feeling more generous than usual for these things.) But the feeling that I can't begrudge either of them that happiness is definitely sincere now. They're an awesome couple, and their son is adorable. His middle name is my DM's last name, since it's because of him they met. They're both my good friends and one day I wouldn't mind rolling dice with the kid. Maybe by then I'll even have a rugrat of my own to teach how to smite evil. (C'mon, voice acting classes, don't fail me again this year.)

And that, my friends, is how R.A. Salvatore's dark elf mary sue was responsible for me learning the true meaning of envy.

That was a very good story. Thank you for sharing it.

Thanks OP, was a good read.

I usually only like funny or fap stories.

But i thoroughly enjoyed this thread.

I dawwed, I bawwed, and I seriously fell in love with a character, great fucking story bro, and this /tg/ is why girls CAN be good.

Did she really husband swap,within a gaming group?
Thats gotta create some issues....

>>11701154

Rogue was not the DM's wife, nor anyone's wife. She was single when she joined.

DM's wife was never around for the games. She either stayed in her room working on Second Life stuff or went out with friends.

>>11701202
My bad the way it was presented it sounded like he met his wife in voiceacting class.

That really sucks, OP. Good story, though.

I don't understand completely.

The DM is married to a woman not mentioned very much in the story, correct? This girl is unrelated to the DM aside from they both have a mutual voice acting class. Why doesn't OP's character in the story attempt to date her or make some kind of move?

>>11701353
because it happened years ago, and Rogue and Barbarian dude are married with a kid, and to do such a thing would be totally un-bro-ish

Moral of the story: You snooze you lose.

>>11701402

>Rogue and Barbarian dude are married with a kid

Ah, just read through the last part of the story again. Mistook it as a mention of the DM's kid for some reason, hadn't realized that the girl ended up dating the barbarian.

>>11701410
However it does sound like he's hoping to one day teach the kids the game, so more like you snooze, you might win in a diferent way.

This is one of the reasons why I'll never date a girl who roleplays. Everyone says that the character's emotions are separate from the player, but I have trouble believing that.

The relationship of Rogue and the barbarian was no doubt sparked by that passionate moment inside of the game. Something that could happen in any mixed group, regardless of if she's in a relationship or not. It makes me also speculate to if that's the reason why actors seem to have such trouble maintaining long-term relationships, but that could just as well be the hounding of the press.

>>11701484
Yeah it's the hounding of the press. This is how most people actually are, calm and cool one moment, something happens to make them attracted to the other person, then wabam durr hurr I like you like you.

Bravo, my good sir. Its storytelling like this that makes /tg/ great!

Thanks for the positive response, /tg/. If you're amenable, maybe later tonight I will tell you the story of the time the wizard lost it on the psion.

>>11701666
I wish to hear this tale as well.

>>11700834
I knew it was coming, but it was still fucking epic.

Great story, OP.

Long but VERY worthwhile read OP. Thank you. I've only played in one mixed group, but the one girl was already dating a semi-active member, and they're getting married in October. I don't think I've ever dated a swee/tg/amer, but I'd always imagined it being fun; sharing your hobby, playing with someone special, it could be a beautiful thing.

>>11700384
>Eh, I hope this doesn't end with yet another misogyny thread

>>11700404
>>11700430
>>11700462
>>11700482
>>11700524
>>11700555

>Hey, that's pretty cool

>>11700582
>>11700695

>D'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW

>>11700740

>Uh...

>>11700834

>WAT

>>11700896
>>11700938
>>11700956

>Fuck yeah, good end!

Thanks for sharing, OP.

OP here. Working on writing up the other story now, so that the pauses between bits of it won't be too long when I do start posting it out.

Alright, so earlier I told you the tale of the girl I called Rogue joining our gaming group, and how I learned what it was to truly envy another man. I will now tell you another story of these same people.

For ease, we shall continue to refer to them by the classes they were playing for the majority of the last story. Thus I will provide you a bit of roster of the people involved to help you understand.

The DM: My closest bro. He is my brother from another mother. We spend pretty much all of game day together, going to eat lunch, hitting the gaming stores, yammering about the political bullshit that's happened in the past week. Pretty much always DMs.

Waifu: The DM's wife. Not involved very much. I met her online, and eventually housemoving meant we met in real life, and thus I met DM and his group then. Runs a store on Second Life, makes mad cash, refuses to game with us if Psion is involved.

Psion: Kind of a dick. Lives with his parents, receives government checks for an unspecified disability. Spends it all on expensive toys for himself, gives $10 gift certificates for Christmas (and only if you bought him something first). That's the sort of guy he is. Powergamer, figured out how to trick out the Soul Knife/Monk combo and never looked back.

Rogue: Rather cute indie girl that joined us years ago. Exceptional roleplayer, subtly wicked personality. Still kind of have a secret crush on her after all these years.

Brobarian: He was called Barbarian last time, but I wish to emphasize that he is a cool guy and I hold no hard feelings. Rogue's husband.

Wizard: Oldest member of the group, only one of us to have gone completely grey (even though he's just hit his forties). Much like his class appellation, he is intellectual and generally pretty thoughtful. The good kind of neckbeard (and it is long and flowing).

Me: The Dude. I abide. Well, not really. I usually play hero types, with a weakness for chaotic items or lures. I never met a Deck of Many Things I didn't like.

First off, I have to give a little backstory. Aside from Rogue, I am the newest addition to the group, with Brobarian beating me out by about half a year. DM, Wizard, and Psion have known each other the longest, shortly after DM got out of high school, I think. So they've got a long, long association. Which is, I think, the only real reason they both continue to refer to Psion as a friend. He's driven them both to distraction repeatedly, he's made an ass of himself in the game repeatedly, he's the reason that Waifu won't even try gaming with us. But no one wants to put up with the passive-aggressive tantrum by asking him to leave, or sever that old relationship, so we basically just try to endure. Though sometimes I think it's them that have the harder time enduring.

Lemme just clarify that the DM is a very cool, calm, and collected guy. It takes a lot of repeated pushing to get any sort of aggravated response out of him at all. The one time I've seen him yell at -anyone- is at Psion, and that was only over the phone. Psion had pulled some crap that had resulted in the early end of a campaign everyone else had been enjoying, and was being a pest about what we were planning to play next. There was some yelling, a few hangups, and finally Psion managed to wheedle out an apology and it was cool again.

But that pales in comparison to the matters with Wizard.

See, Psion considered Wizard his best buddy. He could be very clingy about it. Wizard in some ways had a bit of a bro-hate relationship with Psion. He also considered him a friend, a close and long-term friend. Wizard was an intellectual, and Psion fancied himself one, so I guess there was sort of a link between them there. Brobarian was a fairly intelligent but very simple sort, and DM and I both just sort of own up to it when we're wrong, admit we don't know everything, and aren't interested in knowing everything. Like most nerds we fancy ourselves smarter than average, but at least half the group has no desire to sit and discuss Sartre. Rogue's tastes run more towards examining the philosophical meaning of religion in a fairly respectful way, and Wizard's staunchly atheist. (Psion takes it further and is one of THOSE atheists.) So I guess maybe Wizard feels Psion is just the guy he has the most in common with.

I don't have all the details of this, but I was given to understand that at one point, Psion actually broke up Wizard's relationship with the only girl he ever really connected with. Something about Psion still wanting to spend tons of time with him, not being very polite to the girlfriend, just butting into their lives a lot... this wasn't like in a secret gay love sort of way, just Psion being whatever sort of extreme Asspie it was that gave him free government money. Eventually Wizard's girl moved away, cutting almost all ties with everyone, just too sick and tired of the situation to put up with it anymore. Wizard was heartbroken, and actually moved away for several years to take some advanced chemistry classes. Psion called him constantly while he was away, his only real constant connection to home, and I think this is what had finally cemented the unbreakable bro-hate relationship, where Wizard both considered Psion his closest friend and kind of wished him dead on some level.

Anyway, we were about ten levels into our latest campaign. Brobarian was actually playing a dex-based two weapon fighter, and Rogue had multiclassed through rogue and ranger a bit, and were of course a couple in the game. Any overly-done cutesiness was utterly offset by the fact that they were a whirling, slicing barrage of side-by-side two weapon wielding death. Wizard was playing a, well, a wizard. Psion was playing his usual Monk/Psion hybrid with a sith Lord style name. I was an evil bard/sorcerer... very against type for me. Yeah, blame the aforementioned Deck of Many Things. I think the DM started slipping those in early on just as a running gag for me at some point. This was our first campaign since Rogue and Brobarian had rejoined us after having the Kid. Luckily between trustworthy babysitters and both of them's families, there were very few called games or light sessions because one or the other had to stay home and watch the Kid.

Psion was being fairly insufferable lately. But it was more low-key than it usually was so we were all just sort of hoping it would blow over and he'd get some new toy that would take his mind off whatever had crawled up his butt. We were steadily working our way towards going planar, and the characters ICly knew it, so we were essentially doing our adventuring for the sake of building capital, finding useful items, and training ourselves up for eventually hitting Sigil like it was Vegas and we'd all just turned 21. We were doing some do-gooding at the same time, largely because hey, that's where the money and items are, it's what adventurers do. While fighting some marauding orcs we came across a young half-orc child among them. With parental feelings in full bloom, Rogue and Brobarian decided to adopt the NPC and try to raise him up right. The DM probably knew this would happen, and had dropped the kid there as a character development thing.

If only he had known.

Psion did not like the half-orc child.

Like usual, he was paranoid that the DM would be out to fuck us over with any NPC that wasn't completely and utterly on our side from the very start. The DM wasn't going to just come out and tell him "No, I'm not like that, the kid's fine", it wasn't his style. But every so often Psion'd make some muttering about how the kid was likely to come and try to kill us in our sleep. When pressed he would point out as if to say "duh" that we had killed his tribe and he would likely be out for vengeance. Keep in mind the half-orc was only a toddler, even if he was a big burly one. But nothing would sway Psion. At one point he conjectured, essentially out of nowhere, that the Orcs may have cursed the child in some way so that he would turn into a monster at some later date.

I asked the DM during one of our pre-game meetings what the source of this paranoia was. All he could say was that Psion had been and was in different gaming groups besides ours. He'd only been in a few, but he said he thought that some of the other guys running games had indeed run such "looking for an excuse to fuck you over" style games. Psion, being the unintuitive little shut-in he was, couldn't seem to differentiate the DM's style from those other guys'. Or maybe he was just being a dick, who knows.

Little did we know it was all moving towards coming to a head.

Wizard had gradually grown rather surly and somewhat sulky himself. Usually fairly urbane and with a wry wit, he'd been subdued right from the word go in the last month or so. I knew one or the other of his parents was almost always having health problems... I figured that had come up again. Since we weren't terribly close outside of the game, I hadn't pressed him for details. I had an idea that the DM knew as well, but I just didn't want to pry. As far as I was concerned, if he wanted to tell me about it, he would, and until then it was none of my business. Also, I'll be honest... my less charitable thought was that he was sharing in Psion's mood, that he agreed with him, and was simply letting Psion say what they both felt. At best, this was being a bit too serious about a really silly in-game issue. At worst he was being an ass to Brobarian and Rogue. But I just tried to assume the best and go on about things. Brobarian and Rogue hadn't brought it up, didn't seem all that bothered, so hey, was it my place?

Anyway, we've finally got all our shit together and we're going to shift to the planes. We're all sitting around just chatting about various stuff. Which plane to start on, who Rogue and Brobarian are going to get to watch their foundling, whether we want to come back often or just stay on the planes as long as possible. There was a bit of meta chat about what kind of planar barge or whatever we'd get once we'd been there for awhile. This is when Psion raised his head and, just simple and forthright as you please, said the words that would spell the end of the session:

"I think we should kill the half-orc."

The table went quiet.

He'd said it before, just after we encountered the half-orc child. But once it became clear Rogue and Brobarian were determined to raise him, Psion had mostly settled into vague grumbling about not trusting the child or not keeping it around. That had been... man, maybe two and a half months prior. Back then the half-orc child was just a new NPC we'd acquired. By now it had taken on associations of the Kid, the two of them's actual child. We hadn't made that obvious, the Kid and the half-orc didn't share a name or anything like that. But it was impossible to think that even he, antisocial little Asspie that he was, hadn't noticed it.

"What." There wasn't even a question mark when Rogue said it. I didn't know people could actually do that. I just thought saying "what" would naturally make your voice tilt up. But it was so flat and blank when she said it that I actually thought, in my shock 'Oh wow, no question mark.'

"I think we should kill the half-orc," Psion repeated, more slowly, as if he thought she was unclear on the concept.

>wordswordswordswordswords
jesus christ

>>11704726
More dammit more! I want to see the words that everyone goes off on him with.

>>11704761
>ITT Faggot who doesn't read anything but short statblocks.

"Why would you want to do that?"

That was the DM, by the way. He wasn't speaking through an NPC, I think we were all so dumbfounded by this new level of dickishness that we'd stopped even bothering with IC and OOC separation. The DM was staring at Psion. I was split between staring at Psion and the other side of the table where Brobarian and Rogue sat. And then Psion began his explanation. A rambling collection of IC prejudice, meta genre awareness, and the most insensitive phrasing possible.

"If they're not around then that kid is going to start remembering how we killed his tribe. Or that they're not around to make him love them more. Since half-orcs grow faster and they're naturally more angry, he'll be super resentful and probably a young adult by the time we get back. And we'll just be leaving him around our home base with some of our backup equipment. And even if he doesn't go evil and wind up hating us and especially them, he'd probably still be unhappy and lonely that it'd probably be kinder just to put him out of his misery."

He's saying all this just straight out, casual as you please, while gazing down towards the tabletop as he usually does when actually speaking to the party. And he's saying it to two new parents who probably had to force themselves to realize they needed to get out of the house and have some time to themselves with the hobby they loved, and leave the little lifeform they probably loved more than anything any of the rest of us could imagine with other people while they did.

Don't stop now!

Remember that envy-snake I mentioned writhing around my heart in the first part? It was back. Only this time it was like it was biting me and injecting fire into my veins. I looked across the table and I saw the look on Rogue's face. Her eyes were a bit wide, and her lips were thin, but the rest of her face was just sort of blank. Seeing that look on her face actually had my head pounding. I looked to the side at Brobarian, and I knew that look on his face. That tightness in the jaw, the narrowed eyes, his nostrils flaring. That was the look of a man that's trying to decide if it's necessary, worth it, even required to kick another man's ass. He wasn't quite as built as his characters, but he was no fat OR skinny nerd. I in fact was, in the back of my head, worried that Psion was going to be seriously injured. Because if Brobarian decided to beat the crap out of him, I was going to be forced to help.

With the beating.

There was still silence around the table. Psion was still looking at the tabletop, though his eyes would raise a little every so often and look around at us. But somehow there was still just something about him. That confidence, that arrogance. I sincerely think that he'd been sheltered and allowed to get away with all that shit for so long that he did not believe there was the remotest possibility he would be called to task for this, let alone physically assaulted for it.

I'm really not sure what would have happened if we hadn't heard those next words.

>>11704818
The suspense is killing me, I hope it lasts - Willy Wonka 1971

"I use my Wand of Time Stop."

I think that jolted us all. Everyone turned their heads to look at Wizard. He was sitting there in his chair, looking not unlike a gray, beardy version of King Conan upon his throne, mouth covered by one hand, his eyes narrow and blazing behind his little half-moon bifocals. And those eyes were fixed squarely on Psion.

Suddenly I knew that the horrid little troll of a man to my left was about to be hit where it really hurt. Right in the character.

Now, I must divert for a moment to tell you our group's house rule about Time Stop.

You see, we'd been playing a long time, and almost always with a pair of casters in the group at least. Many years previous there had been a discussion about Time Stop and its usefulness. See, normally you can't harm anyone with spells you cast while you're under Time Stop. You can maybe affect them a little bit if the spell has a duration on an area. Or you can buff yourself (and only yourself), summon creatures, or just run away. Eventually we had all decided that for a -ninth level- spell, something with such little utility was effectively worthless. We played fairly powerful games anyway, so we'd finally come to the agreement that you could zap people with spells and the effect would kick in at the end. Probably made it OVERpowered, but hell, it's a ninth level spell.

We'd gotten the wand with a single charge of Time Stop earlier. The wizard had been holding onto it for four levels, saving it for a situation dire enough to require it. Apparently, that time had now come.

You might recall that I had earlier, at the very start of this story, identified Psion as a powergamer. What I did not mention was that Wizard really was too. He could build nigh-omnipotent characters, usually through sheer patience. Where others might multiclass or head to prestige classes as soon as possible, Wizard didn't mind waiting out the rough levels until later when he could become a small magical god. He would just slowly build feats, gradually growing in power until he made Gandalf look like Harry Potter. It was just less obvious because he was very cautious about his spell use, he didn't really overshadow the rest of us and cause us to wind up twiddling our thumbs while he waved his hands and killed armies.

He was not reserved tonight.

He rolled 1d4 for the Time Stop. He rolled a four, probably due to a nudge. I don't think any of us cared. So five rounds of all of us standing there as he did what he pleased.

Wizard slowly sat up straight. He rolled his shoulders. He lifted his spell list, and his item list, and did a quick scan over both of them. And then he began.

Out of curiosity, OP...what's Wizard's actual name?

Wizard's voice was calm and even as he began reading off a litany of spells and actions. Quick-used wands, quickened spells. For four rounds, he unloaded everything he had into Psion with utter abandon, every high-damage, hardly-ever-used spell he had, every wand he'd kept and cherished as if they were irreplaceable collectibles. It was amazing the number of spells and wands the man could squeeze into four rounds if he really tried. I listened to the litany, and I realized now why he'd been quiet and sullen. He hadn't been agreeing with Psion. He'd been brooding over the little troll's behavior. He'd known this was coming.

He'd been planning.

Finally, he finished reading off four rounds' worth of spells. He may have slipped a few extra in there and fudged which ones he could actually cast quickened or maximized. Again, none of us cared. Well, none of us that mattered. The DM was sitting back in his chair, one hand covering his mouth. Probably to hide his smile. I looked at Rogue and Brobarian. Rogue wasn't quite smiling, but that tightness was gone out of her face, and her eyes were alight again. Brobarian was grinning his fool head off. Wizard was still serious-faced, eyes hard, and he had one more round of stopped time. He looked directly at Psion, and Psion in his shock actually met his gaze.

"I walk over to that murderous little punk, and I shove my +2 flaming dagger right between his eyes."

>>11704896

Walter.

He rolled to hit. Psion was considered flat-footed. Didn't matter, crit. Confirm. Wizard spends several minutes rolling in silence, counting dice in silence, and scribbling down totals on a piece of paper. No one's saying anything. Finally he hands the paper over to the DM. DM takes it, looks it over. Looks at Psion and asks him how many hit points he has and what his con score is. Stunned Psion tells him. The DM ducked behind his screen for a moment, probably to collect himself.

If you didn't see it when it was on the board, awhile back there was a thread about dirty tricks DMs had pulled on you. One that was universally declared as awesome rather than dirty was the Ring of Horrible Magic Death. Was a ring with that inscription on it, didn't seem to be magical, a PC finally tried it on. From all he could tell, it made him immune to magic. Eventually he needed some magical healing and took the ring off. At which point every single spell cast on him caught up with him at once, and he did indeed die a Horrible Magic Death.

And so did Psion.

F5'ing like crazy here.

The DM raised his head. He tried to make his face as neutral as possible. And he said, simply, "You're gibbed, dude."

Psion looked at him. Then he looked at Wizard. Wizard had been quietly putting his books and the rest of his things away while the DM was looking over the paper. As Psion looked over at him, he stood up with the most dignity I've ever seen from a fat, bespectacled, gray-bearded man in a beret. He looked at Psion, and he spoke.

"That was the first time in my long years of gaming I have ever attacked a party member. I have played every game from AD&D to Traveller to Shadowrun to this. I have never done this before. And I have never felt more justified in anything I have done. Your character was a small-minded, pathetic little monster. The next one will meet the same fate if he is not better. I do not wish to speak of this again, not tonight, nor any point in the future." He turns to Rogue and Brobarian and says, "If the two of you will please accompany me, I wish to apologize for his behavior. I will buy your evening's meal, and then we will go and buy something delightful for your son."

He turns and he walks out of the room, not looking at Psion, just goes. Rogue and Brobarian look at each other. They look at Psion. Then they make their apologies to the DM and to me for leaving early, throw their stuff in their bags, and they're off after him.

And so. I'm left sitting there at a table with the DM and Psion. I'm just looking at this man, and thinking about what to say, what to do.

I am not a vindictive or cruel man. I have never considered myself such. I have striven all my life to get along well with the people I game with. I have always done my best never to be the one to make drama worse, to be a nice guy, to always take into consideration what others might think and might feel. I'd given Psion a ride home even when I was pissed with him. Even when I was pissed with him, I'd accepted his invitation to come in and watch some new music video or some show he'd taken a liking to. I'd just pushed it down, for the sake of the game, for the sake of getting along. I'd put it aside, tried to see the better parts of him, come at it fresh next week.

I had always been the one to be nice. I never just let loose with anger or frustration or anything else. I looked up and met the DM's eyes. We'd known each other for years. Brothers from different mothers. He nodded once, showing me it was okay.

>>11704979
jesus christ, I'm imagining him as some sort of gygax/santa/gandalf combo

what a guy, man

I slid my books into my bag, and boxed up my dice. Psion was doing the same, having just given a quiet "wow" once or twice in response, as if trying to figure out what he'd done to deserve such vitriol. When I stood, he looked up at me, clearly expecting me to say that I'd be waiting in the car for him. I looked back at him. The words were easier to say than I thought.

"Get your own damn ride home."

I turned my back on him and walked out, not looking back. It may have just been my imagination, but I thought I could hear Waifu off in the bedroom, laughing.

The Wizard player seems kind of loopy.

Thank you, OP.

I was looking for a movie to watch with my beer and pizza, but I found this thread and have enjoyed every slice with each post you made.

Archive. Archive this NOW. Or once OP's done.

Psion repeatedly tried to call some of us throughout the week. At least, he was trying to call me, the DM, and Wizard. Wizard wasn't taking his calls, and at first neither was I. The DM apparently took more than a few, but would only tell him "You brought it on yourself, man." The only other thing Psion was told was that the game was on hiatus for a few weeks. Which it was.

Finally I took one of his calls and tried to explain it to him. I tried multiple different ways, but nothing was getting through that shell of self-centeredness and arrogance. He seemed to understand that he needed to apologize... but that he needed to apologize to -Wizard- for having somehow bothered him. That was all that really mattered to him... that Wizard forgive him, not any wrongdoing he might have actually committed or anything he might have done to someone else. Nothing any of the rest of us said seemed able to make him understand, or maybe it was make him care.

Then, as I had the phone to my ear, rubbing my forehead, this sudden thought crossed my mind. I don't know what it was. Maybe something about the timing of his behavior had clicked, maybe it was just a random coincidence, maybe God nudged me, who the hell knows, but I had to ask one of those uncomfortable questions again.

This is one of the most interesting things I have read recently. Keep it up, OP.

GLORIOUS.

"Have you been taking your meds and seeing your psych?"

The confused answer was that no, he had not. Psion didn't think they'd been helping, so he'd stopped both. At once. I almost felt lucky that he hadn't just suddenly gone all axe murderer and tried to kill everyone at the table with Rogue's plastic knife. I finally managed to convince him that if we told Wizard that Psion was back to seeing his shrink and taking his meds, Wizard might talk to him again. He said he'd make the appointment tomorrow as long as I'd tell Wizard about it tonight. I agreed.

MU MU MU MUOARRRR

F5ing at the speed of light.

>D-12 wrivenin

Some manner of...creature? Perhaps like a kobold, and I'm rolling some manner of d12 to determine how many are in the group?

Sorry, having some trouble posting the wrapup, getting the "part of your comment isn't allowed" error...

>>11705171

Noooooooo

hurry up, OP!

I need to cum now!!

>>11705171
Goddamnit! Take a screenshot of the text and post it that way! I neeeed this!

Basically, when the hiatus ended, Psion came back. Wish I could say he'd suddenly turned into an awesome gamer and total bro just in those few weeks. But real life doesn't work quite like that.

At least he apologized to Rogue and Brobarian, which was the important part. He seemed to really mean it. Or at least understand that it was necessary.

Anyway. He made a regular monk and just kept quiet for awhile. After about a month he was back to mostly his usual self, but still better. I think someone explained to him certain subjects he should just stay clear of, and it mostly works. He shuts up more.

One day he may even be a functioning member of society. Even if he is still a tabletop nerd.

Anyway, that's the end of my story about how Wizard lost it on Psion. And I guess the story about how I found my balls, too.

But I have lots of stories about these guys. And I have their stories too. So if you want to hear more about anyone in particular, just let me know. If I remember tomorrow, I might be able to share something equally bemusing.

That amusing and quite entertaining, OP. Thank you!

tl;dr op gets told by a guy he deems a dick, he tells tall tales to make himself feel better

nothing to see here folks

>strategy porpolia
indeed, captcha

Thanks for this, OP. These were some pretty good stories!

I wish I had a decently sized, awesome sounding group like this... even if it does have its share of kinda-sorta love triangles and the obligatory asshole.

>>11705274
Oh fuck off you unloved and uncaring faggot.

>>11705274
>ITT moron didn't read jack shit, and failed 4th grade English.

>>11705244
Der lord OP, I wish to hear more of this wonderous gaming group, Brobarian, Rogue, Psion, DM and above all The Gygax-Gandalf-Dumbledore lovechile Wizard.

however my F5 key is now broken.

What a boring story. Good prevails again? Done to death.

Fucking saved.

>>11705342
"oh man these stories are sooooo trite"
Who are you to be so pretentious and superior? I don't see you contributing to the overall spirit of /tg/. Get the fuck out.

>>11705365
>Who are you to be pretentious and superior?
>I don't see you contributing to the overall spirit of /tg/.
Anonymity at work

I was waiting for the orc kid to kill one of them while they are caught off guard at a later time. You can't just nice away killing someone's entire clan, especially when they are a half monstrous race.
Adventures that seasoned shouldn't be carrying such misguided guilt.

Also yes, I know what it is like to have kids. It never turned me into a retard with misplaced feelings or trying to live through my games.

>>11704761
>>11705274
>>11705342

>Butthurt that it's not yet ANOTHER 40k thread, nor an edition war thread and is OC.

I'll just leave this here

>>11705425
Actually knowing the whole Psion wasn't taking his meds or seeing his shrink part, there might have been something in the WAY he said kill the half-orc that just didn't jive with game vs real life.

>>11705244

OP, that story was Awesome and you should feel Awesome.

But like a fucking dick too, I WAS GOING TO SLEEP AND I HAVE TO WAKE UP EARLY IN THE MORNING.

>>11705342
You're saying that the edgy-hardcore "Evil prevails" bullshit that shows up in every trite grim-dark piece of fiction isn't played out, either?

These days, there isn't a not-played-out option. It's just the one you happen to like more.

>>11705330

So a Wizard story is at the top of the list?

I will try to recall some of the best ones tonight, maybe even call the DM tomorrow and ask for suggestions if I get some lull time at work. Should have you a good one by the afternoon.

This was my first night on /tg/. You made it very much worth my while!

>>11705342
Well no shit, asshole got his ass handed to him and was essentially told, don't be a fucking douchbag in a direct way, though knowing /tg/ the actual people that got, know how to tell a person off as directly as possible can be counted on both hands since it seems like every other person is a passive-agressive faggot.

Things like this make me smile for humanity.

>>11705554
If everyone agrees, hells yeah this reminds me of my old 2e group back in the early 00s.

I wish those guys were still around.

>>11705554
Wizard is now my role model tell me more of him!

Is someone archiving this?

This is something that needs to go into an archive.

>>11705818
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/11700384/

>>11705274
Hey guys look its psion from op's story!

OP thank you I....I had forgoting what tg was with the endless spam posts the retarded stat me threads.
I'm not one of those fags who say manly tears at every thread about awesome things but..but damn it op you just restored my faith in tg.

Damn, Wizard is a pretty cool guy. Eh acts like a wizard and doesnt afraid of creepy shut-ins.

>>11705818
Tried 4chanarchive for the hell of it.

>This thread has been requested 2 times now.

> He'd been planning.
Oh shit, that was awesome. You tell a good story, OP.

>>11705566
Me too! I don't normally read tldr threads either, but this was really enjoyable. Somehow also I felt really good about the dickish responses, like all is as it should be.

>>11705425
Good, I was thinking I was the only one that took the Psion side.

I think at least the GM has a little blame in this. He could have given the characters an elf kid or just some other magical NPC char, but he chose a damn orc of the tribe they just killed.

Of course, any sensitive human being would have know the couple will just pretend it was their real kid and that the gm wouldnt be such an asshole as to have the consequences of this action of altruism properly played, but the psion wasn't a sensitive human being, and the GM knew it. This was doomed to happen in the first place.

I do pity the Psion. He is mentally ill after all. He thinks what he is doing is perfectly reasonable. And hell, if my game couple decides to adopt a half orc, I will make sure they would regret it, because if I let them, the next thing they will do is to try to adopt a beholder or some eldricht abomination they find cute.
If I wanted to let them play house in my game I would at least give them a drow.

>>11706504

My party once adopted a beholder. It ended up running a library in our fortress much later.

>>11706504
and definitely, not one that was just recently orphaned by them.

Holy hell. That really was amazing, OP. Wizard is just an amazing guy, too, by the sound of it. He's King Conan/Dumbledore/Gygax/Gandalf, now. That's just glorious.

>>11706533

>>11706568

If it makes you feel better, we were playing a neutral (slightly evil) campaign and made it an offer it could not refuse.

>>11706237
I think I was shivering at this point. I will be looking forward to your next story-telling, OP. This was awesome and you are too.

I was playing this awesome Psion with a bunch of douches when this faggot Wizard basically exploits a gay house rule and fudges dice to gib my character.

All because they were jealous of how awesome I am. Faggots all of them, especially that tranny bitch who only ever plays a rogue and 'roleplays' by letting her saggy tits hang out which bewitches the losers who don't get any tail, unlike me coz I'm a bro.

This was quite entertaining to read, OP. Thanks for sharing.

>>11709581

While the psion dude in the story is pretty obviously a loser, he actually comes off as less of a douchebag than you.

bamp

>>11714739

OP here. I'll make a new thread when I get home and finish writing up the story, this one has gotten kind of long. I'll try to link the new thread here when I make it.

Called the DM earlier. He was amused that you guys liked the stories. We chatted a bit about which story I should tell that had awesome stuff from Wizard. I actually remembered a good one to start with just by talking to him, and the DM laughingly begged me not to, but I will anyway. It's not the MOST awesome Wizard story, but maybe it will help you see more of the sort of guy he is.

OP I find your stories wonderful and I thoroughly enjoyed reading all of them, I felt sorry for you by the end of the first (not pity or anything, but that's just though luck bro), and I pitied the Psion by the end of the second, but gained a respect for your group that it managed to come thought all of that stuff anyway.


If you're willing to tell me, I'd love to know what it was that the Psion did to piss of the DMs wife.

>>11714786
OP, this is awesome. Thanks for posting this. Please become a tripfag so we'll all know who you are in future.