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09/22/10(Wed)23:25 No.12188654YOUR BATTLESHIP, "THE FURY OF LORD GOD KING BEARDFIST'S MIGHTY BACKHAND OF ELFSLAUGHTERING" NOW SO NAMED BECAUSE OUR LORD GOD-KING BEARDFIST THOUGHT IT WAS WAY FUCKING COOLER AFTER YOU SET SAIL FOR THE PLANET OF FAIL.
THAT YOU MIGHT BACKHAND ITS COCKSUCKING POPULACE INTO UNEXISTENCE THEN GET (MORE) SHITFACED AND DO IT AGAIN.
WHEN THE PLANET WAS WITHIN VIEW, IT BECAME CLEAR THAT FUCKING ITS SHIT UP WOULD BE FAR MORE ENJOYABLE THAN YOU EVER IMAGINED.
THE PLANET'S SURFACE WAS BLACK AND DARK AND SHADOWY, DARKER THAN THE COLD, UNLOVING VOID OF SPACE AND BLACKER EVEN THAN THE MISTREATED HEART OF ITS RESIDENTS.
THE PLANET BLACKSHADOWRAVENREALM WAS FULL OF FAGGOTS. MOTHERFUCKING FAGGOT, DARK-SKINNED, CLOVE-SMOKING, HAIR-DYING, TWILIGHT READING, HOT-TOPIC-FREQUENTING NIGGER ELVES. THEY WERE ALL HALF-VAMPIRE, HALF-FALLEN-ANGEL, WEREWOLF, HALF-JAPANESE DROW WITH A BROODING DISPOSITION.
THE FIRST ASSAULT SLAYED A FULL HALF THEIR POPULATION AS LORD GOD-KING BEARDFIST, UPON SEEING THIS WRETCHED PLANET, EXPERIENCED A RAGE SO BRUTAL, THE VERY THOUGHT OF THEIR ANNIHILATION CAUSED HIM TO ORGASM MIGHTILY, AND SCATHE THEIR PLANET'S SURFACE WITH A CELESTIAL TORRENT OF RIGHTEOUS ALE AND ANGER.
YOU SWUNG YOUR BATTLE BARGE AROUND HARD, BACKHANDING THOSE FAGGOTS BACK WHERE THEY BELONG.
WHICH IS NOWHERE, BECAUSE THEY'RE SUCH LONERS, BAWWW.
LORD GOD-KING BEARDFIST FINDS THE IRONY OF THIS JOKE MIGHTILY HUMOROUS, AND HIS LAUGHTER FUCKSPLODES A NEARBY PLANET OF KENDER.
WHERE TO NOW, MIGHTY DORVES? |
