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    156 KB Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)15:57 No.12443066  
    Good afternoon elegan/tg/entlemen.
    For the past couple of days I've been interested of hearing stories from various people about THAT GUY, if he be from a local PnP you attend, or from your guild in a MMO, etc.
    But today I wish for you to tell tales of THAT MARYSUE. I'm sure a lot if not the majority are role players in PnP, forums, MMO's, even larping.
    Got any stories to share?
    >> Balthazarr !!hQW2Rt/THGB 10/14/10(Thu)16:03 No.12443124
    I played in a game called "20Xd6", pronounced "twenty echs dee six".
    This game was based on the favorite anime's of the time(late eighties to mid nineties) and was centered around corporate takeovers of major countries, futuristic space colonization and over the top wushu swordfighting. It was ripe with potential.

    We spent the entirety of thirteen half day games, kicking around a goth bar in lower Manhattan, listening to a DMPC talk about what he/she did years ago in another game.
    Then she fought a shapechanging wiccan lycanthrope thing, and we got in trouble for seeing her transform.
    The the bounty hunter character got us onto a stolen spacecraft, and we flew to the moon to get away from that bullshit.
    And then we got arrested by the space CIA, and the mary sue showed up.

    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)16:07 No.12443175
    THAT SUE? Well, fine, I had one 3 years back. Decided to answer one of those, "Take a strip and call the number on it" thingies, can't remember what they're called right now. It was a DnD 3.5 game, with 2 Splatbooks allowed, Psionics and the Fiend one, forgot the name I don't have the book anymore. The one about the Demons.

    So, as it turned out 3 people other then me showed up, bit puzzled because there had been EIGHT strips, and when I checked it all had been taken except for one. But eh, thems the breaks. So, ours was a motley group, the first to arrive was a hambeast of a woman. White, short, and long black hair that looked as if it had never been cut. I could see the light brown in her roots where she hadn't died it yet, and the glasses perched on her nose were broken, temporarily repaired with copper wire. The second, was a very tall, very skinny man. I swear, there was something wrong with him. It had been raining, and he had taken of his shirt to try and squeeze some of the water out. I could count every rib, I swear. White as well, with short wiry hair. I think it was brown. Had some dental problems, crooked teeth and whatnot. He arrived second, and was squeezing his shirt when I came in third. We waited about 10 minutes, the DM had said to be there early, and we had all shown up about 30 minutes ahead of schedule. Our DM arrived in from the Storm, a happy fat man with a good, long, well-groomed beard and a tightly-pulled pony-tail, couldn't stop smiling even in the rain. It was his house that we had come to (The fat woman being one of his friends, having a key.) and he began cooking something for us to enjoy while we played. About 15 minutes later, SHE arrived.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)16:11 No.12443216
    go on
    >> Shas'la Vior'la 10/14/10(Thu)16:11 No.12443227
    I wuv story time!
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)16:17 No.12443307


    >ywjunggwo frowesse
    Well said, Captcha. Well said.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)16:21 No.12443347
    We were forewarned of her arrival, due to the VERY loud complaining that could be heard over the storm. She came in, barking about how we should have rescheduled because of the horrible weather, which was apparently RUINING her dress. And my god, that dress. It was something a 6 year old came up with if you asked for "Fairy Dragon Princess". Big, poofy in the shoulders, covered in sequins and glitter, and due to the rain had been clinging to her figure in a way that might have been nice to the eye if her face hadn't ruined the effect. I'm sure she might have been very pretty with her mouth closed, but I don't think she ever did shut it. This dress, combined with a few other things (A hairband with horns on it, makeup that had been CAKED on, and a temporary tattoo on her cheek of a sparkling dragon in purple.) was supposed to be her costume of her character. I have to admit, it might have been my giggling that set her off, because she didn't stop complaining. Apparently we hated her since before we met her, and we were horrible people for sticking to the schedule when the rain was getting in her heels, ruining her makeup, "staining" her dress, ruining her character sheet, the background she had written (Pages, like a damn short novel) ruining her life because she had to take the bus because her girlfriend couldn't have driven her today and she got weird looks from some mexican girl and BLAH BLAH BLAH you get my meaning /tg/, right?

    She took a wand, I shit you not, out of her purse. A fucking cardboard wand painted with garish bright colors, glitter, etc. Then she looked at us, got this...toadish smile on her face and thrust the pages at us to read, to get to know her character. It had looked like a novel from the distance, but it was actually 4 or so copies neatly stapled, organized, and bookmarked to "Tell us where you can stop, I want some of it to be a secret!". So we cracked them open, giving her odd glances.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)16:21 No.12443350
    >We spent the entirety of thirteen half day games, kicking around a goth bar in lower Manhattan
    You didn't leave after day 3?
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)16:22 No.12443366

    Be back very shortly, Dog just pissed on the floor and I need to clean it up.
    >> Balthazarr !!hQW2Rt/THGB 10/14/10(Thu)16:24 No.12443386
    Good god man, it was hosted in my house and 5 of the six of us lived there.

    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)16:25 No.12443390
    Waiting with bated breath...
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)16:27 No.12443404

    Back, typing it up again.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)16:30 No.12443436
    >even larping.
    I have to put up with infinite bullshit. I play a somewhat radical rebel but it is in keeping with my country background and I try to keep things generally pretty simple. Then the gang I end up fighting with are a collection of that guys and those sues.

    One of them isn't really a rookie anymore but is newer then me so I always think of him as a rookie. He constantly spouts crap and theory on proper fighting and is usually wrong. Not too bad with a shield, he would be alright if he would be quiet more.

    Next up is elfy. This guy has been coming for some time. His first character was a were-something, but when he realized that furry shit was going to get him nowhere he toned that down. Now he dons some Halloween elf ear things occasionally. They are comically big and make him look dumb. His character is supposed to be some uberleet dark assassin guy and he likes to get you from behind. The only problem is that he is not very good. I will outright plow the kid 5 times outa 6 and I have never seen him pull off an assassination.

    next is mary, I can't remember her char name, but she is like a 90lb girl who is dating a guy who is a big deal there. Her char is kind of a bitch and she walks around(in and out of char) like she is in charge. When fighting she generally puts on a huge act of hyperventilating and looking like she is going to pass out and then asks that no one attack her for a bit while she gets her breath. She also has a habit of shrugging off hits. I got sick of her not going down one day so I got out my 2 hander and killed her with that and afterward she was liek "omg dnt hit soooo hard!"
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)16:31 No.12443447
    Then there is this guy who is alright for the game but is all about "role playing" even when it is pretty clear that the game is rather small and unhealthy, and that many of the people come out primarily to get in some good fighting. He has a omg so special char that is a special class. The class which is supposed to be something of a "noble" can use a bows but consider it beneath them. He fights primarally with a bow and wants to start sort of a commando group armed with almost entirely ranged weapons. He takes a class that requires a lot of role play stuff so he can get its better abilities, but then ignores all the not strictly game mechanics associated with the class.

    but whatever, I am a fighter, I still have my arming sword, my shield and my 2 hander and that is really what matters i suppose
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)16:32 No.12443456
    Used to RP a lot in WoW.

    Ran into someone who would pick fights with you, then refuse to fight(RP wise or in duels) because their character was pregnant.

    Had an RP fight with them once, emoted to axe their character in the midriff.

    'im not rping with u anymore, abortion is wrong'.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)16:38 No.12443505
    With boffers, if you've got speed and decent reflexes, you're good to go. We had a fencing student come out one weekend and rape everyone. Fucking 80lb girl making us look stupid.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)16:38 No.12443507
         File1287088693.png-(48 KB, 1172x252, bloodelfbirth.png)
    48 KB
    RPing in WoW is usually a bad idea, in my experience.

    Though it's not me, pic still related.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)16:38 No.12443515
    So, we opened these up. Even separated, they were thick. The first page was her stat-sheet, horribly balanced (As in, it would be a useless character in everything except diplomacy, because all she had was charisma, pretty clothes, and every speech-related shit she could find. ) Some sort of Psion build all around dominating, again, don't remember the specifics, been a few years and I don't have those books. Had a bunch of stuff for dominating people.

    I admit, it was mildly interesting, to imagine what she COULD have done with this build, but the juicy stuff was in her PAGES upon PAGES of background.

    So, the character. She played an Elven, Half-Fiend Half-Giant (Aaaaaagh I don't even remember how she did it), and first off, she was a Princess. A Princess of a far-off land named Geneva (Yes, like Geneva Convention.) She had been elected to Princess-ship (Yes, elected) at the age of 6 in recognition of her inherent goodness struggling against her brutish evil background, winning out only with her pure elven blood fighting the EVULZ of her Giant/Fiend half. Her goodness was apparently noticed by the Elven Kings Wizard-Advisor, who had a dream of a prophecy about this young girl.

    A dream of a prophecy. Not a prophecy. A DREAM of a Prophecy. As in, he dreamed someone prophesised it. Aaaaaaagh.

    So he found her with his ELVEN MAGICKS, and brought her to be his Princess, elected fairly by an adoring public who looked past her wings (4 of them, 2 Angelic, 2 Bat wings) and height (6 Feet at age 6) to see her purity and wisdom. No longer scrounging as an orphan, her every hearts desire was granted by the loving King, but she wasn't accepted by the hideous Queen.

    Sorry, I need to retch just remembering this.

    Not done yet though, stay tuned.

    Not done yet, stay tuned.
    >> Balthazarr !!hQW2Rt/THGB 10/14/10(Thu)16:41 No.12443539
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)16:42 No.12443544
    ...Dude. What the fuck? That pic was the scariest fucking thing I've read on /tg/, and that's saying quite a bit.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)16:43 No.12443556
    my god
    this is horrible

    I don't have any special Sue-stories i'm afraid, only tales of absurdly powerful gm-pc's (halflings able to throw carriages over large distances).
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)16:43 No.12443560
    >her wings (4 of them, 2 Angelic, 2 Bat wings)

    Wait, how does that shit not get noticed on the streets? I'm pretty sure that kind of thing isn't standard-issue for your stock cockney orphan.

    Ah, fuck it. If I'm picking apart a Mary Sue background, we're going to be here all day.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)16:44 No.12443566
    I wish I had a group so I could complain about other members. ;-;
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)16:44 No.12443567
    So, the Queen was once the most Beautiful woman/elf in the land, but feared for her cruelty. Upon seeing the Elf/Fiend/Giant girl (Name was Esmerelda Purity DrakensDottir...aaaaagh) she flew into a rage and attempted to kill Esmerelda. Her "Elven Magicks" bounced off Esmerelda, and made the Queen as ugly as she was on the inside for her whole life, which was apparently pretty fucking Pig-Disgusting.

    Being SO FACKEENG AHGLY, as she wrote a polite man would describe it (Goddamn she must have been straight up pig-disgusting.), she attempted to commit suicide that very night. Brave and strong Purity caught her, and saved her from herself and presented her to the King for her punishment for trying to kill herself.

    Which was execution by hanging.


    So, with the King now suitable single in her story (And only 10 pages in out of 40+, Oh Boy!) she Time-Skipped until her character was "Sweet Sixteen", which was apparently marrying age in this kingdom. Yes she referred to it, on paper as Sweet Sixteen.
    So Esmeralda the wise and pure and kind of heart dominated the Elf King with her mind into loving her, and forced him to father 12 children. This was blamed on her forceful Giant heritage, bringing itself to the fore.
    >> Balthazarr !!hQW2Rt/THGB 10/14/10(Thu)16:46 No.12443586
    I cant decide between asking for more glorious horror and sacrificing my mind's eye!
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)16:46 No.12443590

    man this is like a fucking train wreck. Or a fat chick in spandex. You don't want to look, but you can't fucking miss it.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)16:46 No.12443593
    Don't mean to interupt, but is this awful waste of flesh someone the DM knew or someone who took one of the tags?
    I bet she took 4 tags, 1 for her, 1 for her elvish pride, 1 for her giant half, and 1 for her demon half. Or because she assumed she would take up 4 chairs
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)16:48 No.12443604
    So she basically raped her foster dad?

    Pretty obvious bitch's got daddy issues.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)16:49 No.12443615
    OT: I'm not a big Keanu fan, but he should make a pretty badass Spike.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)16:50 No.12443625
    I remember like a week back some anon came on telling a story about some girl, and people were discussing whether she was a Mary Sue, or a magnificent bitch or something like that.

    I think it was archived?
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)16:50 No.12443629

    These Twelve Children, being the children of a Half-Giant Half-Fiend Elf alongside a Half-Angel (Forget the DnD term for them, were they just straight up Angels? Thought there was a term for em') Elven King, obviously grew into teenagers in 4 years. Since she said nothing against it, I am forced to assume the twelve of them with nothing to distinguish themselves in terms of appearance, came from the same monster pregnancy. They were all beautiful, wise, intelligent, charismatic, and of course they could dominate shit juuuuust like their mother. Having their fiend/giant heritage watered down, OF COURSE they became perfect little angels and didn't do anything like their mother did, bewitching dear old daddy-kins.

    These 6-year old adolescents became masters of everything they put their hands to, be it horse-back riding (Became the best Knights in the land obviously) sword-fighting (And Axe-Fighting, and Fist-Fighting, and Hand to hand and everything else and BLAH BLAH BLAH they were sues) and everything else. Being so perfect, they outstripped their teachers within a year and became teachers themselves at the age of 7.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)16:52 No.12443648

    At this point I would have smirked and asked for some popcorn.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)16:53 No.12443658

    Sorry, have to take Dog out, the one who pissed on the floor. He just tried to squat down and squeeze one out in one of my shoes the little bastard.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)16:58 No.12443702
    Out as in outside? Or out as in shoot them?
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)17:01 No.12443741
    Probably the latter
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)17:03 No.12443755
    You need to look after your fucking dog, man. If hes a puppy its forgivable, but christ my dog always lets me know when she wants out or anything.

    Stories good btw.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)17:07 No.12443786
    Out as in to void his tiny doggy bowels.

    So, as I was saying, these children (Which differed only in temperament and name, what's the word for 12 twins?) quickly became the focus, detailing their adventures in at times excrutiating detail, but otherwise glossed over in the time-skipping way. From age 6-15 (I know these probably weren't the ages she intended, but her dates were so bad this is what we got from it) They slew several Great Wyrm Dragons, filled the Kingdoms already full treasury so much they had to CREATE A SEPARATE PLANE TO HOUSE THEIR GOLD, which was of course cursed so if you took a single piece from it, or even breathed to hard in their treasures planar direction, Dire-Tarrasques that were level 40 Wizard/Druids would hunt you down and it was impossible to escape them. And they had so much treasure (Which they took from one neighboring kingdom which was icky and evil and full of Drow and whatnot) Filled an infinite plane so much that if you opened a portal to it without saying the proper words and teleporting to the super-secret Castle at the heart of the realm cut from a single, massive EmeraldSapphireRubyThing (Stated to be a combination of them all with the strength and luster of a perfect Diamond), the pressure exerted on the coins and treasures would shoot them out with, "Infinite Strength, Squishing the thief to a thin paste which would be turned down by even the lowest of animals". No words on closing the portal, so I'm assuming there is a poor, unfortunate kingdom being crushed under a mountain of gold, all the citizens crushed to paste.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)17:13 No.12443833
    Really? I like imagining thousands of money wells with a fine red paste at the bottom/sides. Or possible a few lakes of money filled with Dire Tarasque Druids
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)17:14 No.12443837

    I think this bitch was huffing the paste, actually. Lots of it. Like she had stock in Elmer's Rubber Cement or something.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)17:15 No.12443844

    Puppy, and he never gives me any warnings. He'll just wake up (He sleeps a lot), leave the room (If I don't catch him and take him out) and go to piss and poop inside, always on the carpet.

    Always on the carpet.

    So, back to the suedom.

    So, in addition to slaying dragons and creating an elemental plane of Riches, these precocious tykes slew a god (Unnamed, and it might have been gods, plural), created a perfect system of law, and eventually brought the kingdom to ANOTHER plane they created, stated to be a plane of pure goodness inhabited only by those who accepted their perfect rule.

    Meanwhile, Esmerelda Purity Drakensdottir, released the King from the domination, and surprise surprise he fell in love with her and they had FABULOUS SEX.

    So they ruled over this kingdom for many years, until a rival kingdom, just as great but devoted to EEEEEEVIIIIIL in ways unimaginable. This kingdom was Guttrodir, pronounced Goot-Row-Thur. They too created a plane of pure elemental force, but only one and of evil so great the Negative and Demonic planes wept at it's name, which was Guttrodan. It was specifically stated that even an eyeless, deaf being would weep at it's name, growing eyes to weep with and hearing it magically.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)17:18 No.12443860
    I dunno seems like a pretty cool place if just its name can cure the blind and heal the deaf.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)17:22 No.12443920
    Take the puppy out after he's slept.
    Take the puppy out after he's eaten.
    Take the puppy out after you've played with him or gotten him excited in any way.
    Every time.
    Eventually he'll start telling you when he needs to go.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)17:22 No.12443924
    Putting infinite evil to good use.
    >> Deafdefiler !bll4ybGPow 10/14/10(Thu)17:22 No.12443927
    >what's the word for 12 twins?

    If it follows the standard prefix-scheme, dodechaplets.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)17:24 No.12443945

    So this evil city was ruled by Esmereldas Evil-Nega-Twin from an Alternate dimension where the laws of reality are reversed. Though she appears to be a drab, supernaturally pale woman, she's basically Pale Night except she sometimes lets a tentacle or two slip forth from an orifice. So this evil woman, Adleremseka (Yes, Esmerelda backwards with a ka at the end) ruled so badly that her kingdom had become a singular organism the size of a country, squirming with pure hatred strong enough to cast a shadow across the sun, as if dread itself had flooded the heart of the world.

    So this unspeakable being of pure eldritch horror ripped itself from this plane and descended to an unimaginable plane to make the Far Realm look like a playground. The whole plane was one organic entity, growing forth from the beating hear that was The White Woman (Esmereldas Evil-Nega-Twins nickname)
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)17:24 No.12443948
    Fencers tend to do alright with swords in my game, but they tend to be pretty bad with shields or more "exotic" weapons
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)17:27 No.12443971
    I wonder how long she just sat there and spewed this stuff until she settled for the abridged 40+ page version.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)17:28 No.12443989
    So like, how do people think this kind of thing is an interesting, serious backstory? I can forgive young teens doing this kind of shit because they generally grow out of it, but fucking hell.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)17:32 No.12444026

    The White Woman also ripped her plane from it's position in the Great Wheel, devastating the Negative Plane which had initially birthed it to hurl itself across the multiverse on a collision-course with Brihallow (Esmerelda and her kids super good plane). This squamous creature of scale unimaginable collided with Brihallow with the force of "A Thousand Million Nuclear Bombs, the biggest ones". Having been forewarned, Brihallow had turned it's 10 Billion ascendant servants(Because 400 or so Peasants got REEEEALLY busy when there's nothing to do but be good and pure for 10 or so years) to the Art of War. Each one with the power of a God incarnate, they battled the Realm, blinding themselves to not gaze upon the White Woman, deafening themselves to not hear her impossible screams or her clever lies, cutting out their own tongues so they could not swear a new allegiance. They battled for a Thousand Years, never giving nor taking an inch until Esmerelda and her Children, having scoured the Multiverse for a way to kill The White Woman (Every time I type that I laugh, is that so wrong?)

    After a thousand years they found it, and took battle to The White Woman. Singing a song of such purity it healed the God-Peasants of their self-crippling, and ripping the very fabric of the False-Reality of the White Woman asunder. Battling and Singing their way to the center of the beast, they cut open it's beating heart the size of a World, and took battle to the "Frightened but evil Girl at it's center".
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)17:35 No.12444049

    The scent of the weaboo is strong with this one.

    Tell her to lay off the fucking Inuyasha shit already. Furthermore, I suggest you kill her immediately before she breeds or develops language skills.
    >> $taunche 10/14/10(Thu)17:37 No.12444063
    I guess money really does beat everything

    captcha: witness cutrant

    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)17:40 No.12444082
    There's some seriously unintentional Jungian imagery in all this.

    She's going to make a psychologist really happy some day.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)17:41 No.12444092

    So, the girl at the center of the Heart took battle to Esmerelda and her children, fighting for 6 hours until Esmerelda, alone and the only survivor, landed a killing blow. Weeping over the death of her children, (Being killed by a Plane of Reality should be perma-death in her fantasy realm she wrote), she cried 12 perfect tears onto her dodechaplets. Surprise surprise, they rose up alive and hugged their mother. The celebration, at which every single living and unliving creature in the multiverse attended, was apparently "The Best Party Ever, The End".

    So, it had taken us a bit of time to read through this, and Jessica (The writer of this dreck) looked at us, beaming at what she thought would be endless praise. She was 32, by the way. So, I was stunned. Speechless. The others were still reading. She asked what I thought, and just to dodge any trouble I said I needed to re-read some parts, that I didn't catch it. But as soon as I finished saying this, our host came in, beaming and red in the face, carrying a platter of food. She stood straight up, and before he could even say a word, handed him a copy of the background.

    I will never, until the end of my days, forget what he said.

    "What's that, character sheet? Thought I told you I had a character for everyone already."
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)17:41 No.12444096
    Seriously? Are you making this up, anon?

    There's no way that someone would actually write this, right?


    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)17:42 No.12444098

    "Hey, uhhh...Esmerelda's player. Let me ask you something. At precisely WHAT POINT in the first...oh, I don't know, two, maybe three pages of this background?...did you suddenly stop and say to yourself 'Self...I must keep writing, because this shit is SO GOOD that I just KNOW these new guys are going to LOVE my writing skills!'? Because it was at that point that you made the mental equivalent of failing to change your colostomy bag."
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)17:43 No.12444105

    And her reaction?
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)17:43 No.12444106
    >"What's that, character sheet? Thought I told you I had a character for everyone already."


    At this point, I really don't care if it's made up or not. You made me laugh like hell. Good job, sir.
    >> Shas'la Vior'la 10/14/10(Thu)17:43 No.12444108
    Awww Hell naw
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)17:43 No.12444110
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)17:44 No.12444116
    ...You... You just made my day.

    Somebody archive this.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)17:45 No.12444121
    Bracing for her shitfit.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)17:50 No.12444169

    Ronald, bless his soul, didn't really "get" why she suddenly dropped the background all over the floor, screaming in rage, and slapped him. Let me tell you, Ronald didn't like getting slapped. He slid the muffin-cake thingies (Like tiny delicious pies, filled with assorted meats and gravy) off the tray onto the table, and whacked her in the face with the still, very very hot tray. It probably broke her nose, and she just screamed a bit more before trying to attack him again. Me and the tall guy jumped up and grabbed her arms to pull her back, honestly I thought Ron would have just hit were with the tray again. I think she had gotten a nasty burn from it. So, screaming and ranting about how he was a stupid pathetic fat little son of a bitch, wasting her time with this "stupid pathetic game for children" and how there were only 4 of us here because she had swiped the rest and so on and on. Eventually she stopped ranting, and seemed to calm down. I gave some slack, and I kid you not the bitch turned and BIT my arm, and when I let go of her hand and smacked her face she tried to claw at my eyes. Ronald pulled her off me, and this ripped her carefully put together dress, exposing her bra-less chest. Bless his heart Ron. She covered herself and ran screaming out the door, and I never heard from her again. Reckon Ron did, but he never said shit about it.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)17:52 No.12444186
    Oh man, curse my lack of reaction images.

    Good End.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)17:54 No.12444195
    I hope the bite wasn't anything serious. I'd hate to think you got the shit end of her crazy.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)17:54 No.12444199
         File1287093276.jpg-(27 KB, 354x248, 1279192842792.jpg)
    27 KB
    I'm glad I read the whole thing
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)17:54 No.12444200

    Fucking owned.
    >> $taunche 10/14/10(Thu)17:55 No.12444210
    fucking classy, OP.

    was expecting Bel-Air.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)17:56 No.12444219
    3.5 game, long term campaign, homebrew world. To be honest, I tend to run open world games since my adlib skills are good-great, and my players liked lighter feeling games. Player group was in the campaign setting for 3 years or so, and we had a slot open up. We normally ran 5-6 people at the table, and one of em had to -no shit- move out of the country since his student visa was up. So we set him up with a webcam and a online setup when he was able to manage time zones. Since he was unavailable for half of the sessions or more, we put some feelers out for a new 6th.

    FLGSs used to abound in the Seattle area, not so much now. At the time, we had a couple 40Kers, couple other players in the larp and WoD communities. And the games host found one. A player that seemed pretty chill, not too neckbeard, not too emo, not too unwashed. I met him a couple times at one of the shops, seemed alright, knew his source material, other players said that he wasn't a screaming cunt at the BTech table, so we invited him.

    He was told to roll up a 3.5 character, one social skill minimum, Level 15 (one behind other players) and had 45k gold for purchase of starting equipment, gold not spent at creation cut by 10. No starting gear higher than +4. At all. I might be misremembering the gold amount, but it was pretty high, and near where someone should have been by 3.5 rules.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)17:57 No.12444220
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    Wow...you actually made it though that whole story? I would have stroked out by now...
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)17:57 No.12444221
    Bah, I ended my last writefaggotry with a Bel-Air, you think I would repeat my tricks?
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)17:57 No.12444222
    Story just keeps getting better.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)17:57 No.12444224
    And thus this thread was rendered useless, for no one will ever be able to tell a story as good as the one of Esmeralda.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)18:00 No.12444245
    Dude I actually feel sorry for that bitch. She sounds like she seriously had a mountain of mental problems.

    Not so sorry that I didn't nod with approval as her attacks were met and repulsed, but sorry all the same.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)18:01 No.12444254
    In my freeform RP place I've had to deal with Man pregnant elves that were also dragons (think like cat girls except horns and wings) that were all man pregnant (Vampires killed all females so they LOL MAGICALLY EVOLVED) and all were incredibly stuck up.

    Also they had gods that just casually visited. Played by the creator of course.

    ALSO one of their kinds of demons that was totally indestructible and would possess anyone trying to exorcise it possessed the local king. I am not making that shit up.

    And to make matters WORSE the player is a whining Female to male transgender.

    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)18:05 No.12444288
    Aw, the pastries were ruined!
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)18:06 No.12444291
    The world got really scary a little after the turn of the century. Glad I haven't left the house in six years. I feel for man.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)18:06 No.12444300
    Lets call him... Frank. I know he's on /tg/ sometimes, and I'm not horribly pissed at him anymore.

    I told him to get there early for his first session, about an hour or so. Figured we could hash out the usual player fucktardery... '45k? I thought you said 450k' usual bullshit. Ahshi, I forgot to mention that he was told repeatedly that stat rolls would be done at the table, witnessed by me.

    4pm rolls around, Game start is 6. I show up at the hosts place to help him clean up, prep the table, cook some dinner/snacks for the group. Host was a little late getting back from the store, and I had to wait for him. Ol' boy shows up at 4:10. Alright, so he's nervous and showed up early, I can work with this.

    I've had to spend a decent amount of time crafting rules and situations to rehabilitate moderate cases of THATGUY, so some of our house rules are weighted that way. Host shows up, greetings around, we go in. I tell Frank that I'm going to do some prep for the game, help the host out and whatnot. Handed him the 'goddamned homebrew survival bible' that the other players had typed up over the years with the house rules, public player bios, world info, and suggest he read up.

    30 minutes later, we're ready, still over an hour before the other players show. I step into the living room and Frank has literally torn apart the 'GHSB' and has been making notes on it. In pen. Big red sharpie.

    Cue me going 'bwuhthafuck, dude?' His answer was that he needed to make notes about what wasn't going to work for him. Isn't. Going. To. Work. For. Him. Right....

    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)18:12 No.12444346
    I've got an old story that I haven't told in a while so I'm liable to misremember, but whatever. I'm gonna make this really short.

    I decide to try out RPing, and found some random forum for it. After searching around, I found one that sounded kind of interesting. Your character is basically a super mutant with some sort of special power you specifiy.

    I made some guy who pretty much always wore suits and gained crazy amounts of strength and durability when he got angry. Basically a really classy hulk. The GM's character was basically a flying teenage Mary Sue from the description, but surprisingly enough she played it in a pretty non-sueish way. No, the real Mary Sue was the guy who was blind but had some sort of weird echo-location that apparently made no but could blow up people's heads for some reason that he didn't explain.

    I should have gotten out of there when I read that, but I didn't, mainly because everyone else was playing fairly straight characters (Turns out they weren't, they were just less of Mary Sues) and I naively assumed it would rub off on his character.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)18:12 No.12444353
    Epic Esmerelda tale is epic. That poor, poor deluded woman...
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)18:13 No.12444369
    That shit ain't right yo.

    I laughed in spite of myself, but in the end I just feel bad for Jessica.
    Esmerelda story is epic story though, lulz were had.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)18:14 No.12444372
    OP, were the pies ruined by her madness?
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)18:16 No.12444397


    The bottoms on 2 of them cracked to the gravy-filled center, but they were edible, delicious, and flavoured with the sweet taste of victory, and balanced by Jessica's tears of infinite sadness.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)18:17 No.12444405
    >No, the real Mary Sue was the guy who was blind but had some sort of weird echo-location
    Actually, humans are capable of a crude form of echolocation so it's not that sue-ish if he-
    >could blow up people's heads
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)18:18 No.12444414
    We started out in this facility where the military was performing experiments on us and trying to figure out how we worked (They were portrayed as basically every day Joes just doing their jobs, which was pretty cool) and we were midway through attempting to escape. To illustrate just how stupid and uncontrollable my character would get when he was raging enough, I decided to have him go flying into a group of soldiers that were pretty clearly going to take him down. He killed maybe 2 or 3, injuring a third, and then bam, he's down.

    Mister derp-location, however, flies in and explodes their heads. Then, suddenly, someone decided that we were outside and everyone randomly flew off in their own directions. Mind you, the Gm hadn't even had another chance to post between all this madness it was happening so fast. I left before it got worse, and luckily that travesty of an RP fell apart soon after.

    I can regail to you more tales of derp-location's adventures into other RPs I've been a part of if you want, /tg/.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)18:19 No.12444427
    Moving right along, I ask for his character sheet and his bio. Those two were the gamebreakers for me. His character sheet was some bastard amalgamation from some 2001 character generator. ASCII border, horrible font, practically incomprehensible format. His bio/background was 27 pages. 27, typed, single spaced pages of 10pt Times New Roman. The enter key was NOT his friend.

    The contents... god, where to begin. Once deciphered, the character was... ugh. Lvl 15. Monk. Paladin. Rogue. Race was Half-Dragon, Half Celestial. (aasamir i think). I missed it the first couple passes, but his BAB was in the 30s, his AC was 40+, his combined total numerical class level was 22, nevermind his class equivalent levels from the templates, and he had a DR of 35/-

    His gear? 4.5 MILLION in gold. Fine, I've got a case of THATGUY going on here. Then I got to the bio.

    The bio... Ohgodwtfareyoudoing.jpg. He was simultaneously the orphan child of two murdered gods of light, a master swordsman with a mysterious past, a cold blooded assassin with a heart of gold, a catboy, an elf, a half dragon, a full dragon, able to fly, able to teleport at will, able to poly self at will, bearing a sword made from the thighbones of his dead father. He could craft light. Not create, CRAFT. Like, sword of light, armor of light, all that. That was able to at will and reactive proc invulnerability, ghost touch, +5 flaming burst, ethereal, flying, indestructible, and usable only by him. Of course.

    The deeper I got into the bio, the deeper into insanity I went.

    >> $taunche 10/14/10(Thu)18:21 No.12444444
    I haven't had any Mary Sues in my games mostly because I'd >implied that I'd beat the hell out of anyone who was one. Also because my friends don't care about character or backstories, for the most part.

    so yeah
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)18:23 No.12444464
    I want to believe this is true, it's just so damn good. So I will.

    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)18:23 No.12444466
    /tg/, poster of the Esmerelda story. I'm having a game this weekend, and I'm worrying if the character I came up with is a Sue, mind if I run it past you guys?
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)18:24 No.12444484
    Think about meeting your character. If you would think, "Oh wow, that guy was a huge fucking queer god damn." It's a sue.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)18:25 No.12444492
    Go ahead
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)18:26 No.12444497
    One way to help curtail the special snowflake syndrome: Require a character background... of 250 words or less. Basically, if the character can't be condensed into a paragraph of backstory, you need to retool them.

    That's not to say that you can't have more backstory than that. It's just that you need to be able to give someone the Cliff's Notes version of your guy.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)18:26 No.12444501
    If your actually worried your character is a Mary Sue they probably aren't. Sues don't tend to have awareness of their sueishness.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)18:28 No.12444517
    Kind of like insanity.

    Oh wait.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)18:28 No.12444520
    I was once playing an extreme realism game (this ment that if you got hit in the head with a fucking arrow you were dead. None of that 50+ arrows in your head oblivion shit)

    In our group was a large chubby glorious bearded man. (who unfortunately shaved) and he never gave a fuck. Always staying lawful neutral in real life situations. A rather scrawny man who said his character was always a pantless druid, and a somewhat attractive girl who almost threw herself to personal use in an attempt to beg for us to let her play as a furry. (Told her to stop that silly shit, this wasn't an ERPG game)

    and I was the DM, pretty shitty third time DMing DM. woo fucking hoo
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)18:30 No.12444533
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    I had someone in a Necessary Evil game who's backstory was basically:


    Even having opponents with 10PP more than the players, the party was mashing through them with shit like this.

    Also, another player was basically Wrath from FMA. He didn't know i'd seen it.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)18:30 No.12444534

    Concept is for a 1920's Zombies in the Jungle Pulp-Fiction sorta thing.

    Franque, giant French Man-Mountain, makes a living off of being a Guide to the Jungle, loud, boisterous, bit of a dick and is noticably cruel. Will attempt to take credit for others work if he can get away with it, and is of the opinion that guns are for nancies who can't punch the shit out of anything they please, but keeps one just in case. Thinks he's held in high regard by the natives, but they think he's a bit of an idiot. Lies about his background (Hick southerner from Lousiana, working as guide to pay for his son going to a good school, and using the leftovers to get as many hookers as possible) to make himself look good for customers.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)18:30 No.12444536

    An okay set-up, now execute.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)18:32 No.12444548

    Not a special snowflake. Perfectly serviceable character, would be happy to play alongside that one. Seems like he'd partner well with a straightman.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)18:33 No.12444559
    >>giant French Man-Mountain

    Confirmed for awesome.

    The Beastmaster Scum in my DH game constantly spoke with a glaswegian accent. Some players couldn't understand him.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)18:33 No.12444565
    The Mary-sue was so cliche in arriving late, dressed in simple pants and white shirt, and had bright blond hair. She was also pale as fuck and this entirety of her looks simply made her look like the generic blond.

    Before we get to her "LOL SUPER AWESOME CHARACTER" lets talk about her a bit.
    -she has(d?) a deviantart account for her terrible art which she never stopped drawing even at the table.
    -she was extremely depressed for no reason all the time and if you didn't acknowledge her sadness she would flip the fuck out and bitch that you or no one understands
    -she was an extreme wolfaboo, i mean EXTREME she thought she was a wolf, always argued that nothing was stronger then a wolf, and always drew wolves.
    -she would always insult you and anything you believe in and if you tried to same to her she would flip the fuck out and go depressed.
    -oh and she tried to kill herself seven times in the time that I knew/know her.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)18:34 No.12444573
    You just wanted props for your hilariously awesome character, didn't you?
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)18:35 No.12444584

    His Fathersword (some incomprehensible german name) was his primary weapon. His motivation for questing was to find the creature of the elder planes that had killed his parents and defiled their corpses. But the sword was ok since with his dying act, his father pulled his thighbone out and gave it to his infant son. Wat.

    God, I literally couldn't believe some of the shit he'd put to paper. He had a wife. His sister from the divine parents. Wait, if he had two deities for parents, how'd he get to be a half dragon, you ask? Well, his mother was a celestial dragon, you see. But his wife was his mothers daughter by a previous marriage to a full elder wyrm. So it was ok. And she was only his half sister anyways, and gods did that incest thing all the time. He could remain erect indefinitely, and his penis was able to charm all female, regardless of species or interest. His penis could grow to whatever size he wished, and it wouldn't cause a female harm. 6feet in a halfling was possible, and she wouldn't pop because of his 'divine lust'.

    At about this point, I put his pile of tripe down and looked at him. I was maybe 10 pages in, and I simply couldn't continue. Sanity was gone, rage was building.

    'Frank, what did we tell you about rolling stats and the game setting before you came here?'

    'Oh yeah, about that, I didn't like it. It was too restrictive, and I REALLY REALLY REALLY wanted to play Fullbright Dawnchild Moonbringer in a campaign again. Besides, he's completely legal.'

    '... what? How? In what setting is that balanced?'

    'I've been using him for years, and he's my favorite character and he can..'

    Frank started going on about all the wonderful things that SUE could do, and I just... got up and walked out. I found the host in the kitchen, told him that the game might not be on for the night, because this crazy man had to leave. Now.

    Cont and hopefully Fin next.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)18:37 No.12444596
    (there's always more shit but let's just skip to the important stuff. I mean who seriously gives a fuck?)

    So her character was this lone wolf outcast who somehow also lead a pack (not kidding, her character was a wolf. go figure) that was born in a lab and could talk, walk, use things as normal, could jump up to the top of trees with perfect balance, grow to any size she wanted to, had four fucking tails that could lift up a ton for each one, and finally she was so pretty that everyone was jealous of her yet loved her.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)18:37 No.12444599
    Some people have a lot of trouble with Scottish accents.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)18:37 No.12444603
    It's funny, because it sounds like your character would probably make Mary Sue characters if he was a roleplayer
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)18:39 No.12444616
    Probably. Two things I forgot to mention.
    First, he isn't pretty. Scarred face, bald, shiny head, giant luxurious soup-straining mustache, and a gut. He isn't a perfectly formed Mr. Universe, he's got strongmans muscle hidden by a layer of fat.

    Second, I am waiting.

    It's the 1920's, and other then the zombies, a realistic-esque game. Obviously we'll eventually have some...unmentionables trying to get some love from any female members of our party. So I wait patiently for the moment that FRANQUE can burst from the bushes, ripping his shirt off and shouting in answer, "NOT IF I RAPE YOU FIRST!" with his thick french accent, and deep gravelly voice.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)18:40 No.12444628
    The latin word for 12 as in several of something is apearantly duodecuple, so duodecuplings?
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)18:42 No.12444651
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    My group is Scottish...
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)18:44 No.12444666
    and now there's coffee all over my keyboard

    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)18:44 No.12444673
    Archive this shit... Esmerelda alone makes this so full of fail it wins.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)18:44 No.12444676
    And they couldn't understand a Glasgow accent? Also hey Scotbro.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)18:48 No.12444718
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    OP here.
    Topic picked up, mission success.
    Topic had Esmerelda story, I mad.
    Not like I mad that its here, I read it and now I mad.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)18:48 No.12444727
    And he probably wouldn't go quietly. Host looks at me, 'Is is that bad?' 'Worse than the worst beard we've ever had... he's terminal Sued.'

    So Frank had followed me into the kitchen, and asks if something is wrong. I tell him there's been a horrible mistake, and that he was terribly misrepresented to us about his playstyle and preferences. We just weren't the group for him, blah blah blah. We'd give him a ride home, and I'd meet him at a game shop next week if he wanted and I've give him some help with his character.

    He tears up. He's 25 years old, and he tears up. Big 'ol watery walrus blubbering tears. We didn't understand him, no one did. His character was awesome, and we just didn't get it. Host offers to drive Frank back to his apartment, come on man, get your stuff.

    'NAO! You're just going to make fun of me, and no one loves me, and I'm all alone and all I have are games and dnd and I'm dying inside and NUNOFUUNNNERSTANDMEEEEEEE'

    I honestly can't be arsed with remembering exactly what came out of his mouth.

    Hosts wife comes home in the middle of this, and Frank turns and starts to run out the door. He bumps into her in the hall, and they do the 'dancing around each other' dance to get by, and he just shoves her to the ground. Well, the ground/hall table. Which broke. And was around 120 years old. Splinters cut her hand up pretty good. (9 stitches)

    Host goes to his wife, I ask him if he wants Frank or not. He tells me to 'make sure that little bag of shit never comes back to the house'. I grab Franks bag and books, step outside to what sounded like a..... yup, Frank was kicking, or trying to, my windows in on my car. He's still crying, he's still babbling on about his 'speshul missunderstooood status' and how this is JUST FUCKING TYPICAL

    And Fin in next.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)18:51 No.12444753
         File1287096685.png-(2.48 MB, 1858x1400, asfs.png)
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    now lets move on to her backstory.

    As I said her character was born in a lab, mutated immensly, all of her "sisters/brothers" were killed but she lived on because of their adorning love for her and she was the strongest. She then decided "fuck this" and broke out. Killing every person in there and causing an explosion that happened a hundred miles diameter. (of course this all fucking happens in the D&D universe)

    She then found a pack of super wolves who accepted her immediately because they fucking loved her SOOO MUCH. But of course she was raped three times within an hour and then killed the evil humans who raped her. She can also heal from any wounds given to her and she can speak any language that ever existed because of her awesome wolf magic and because wolves are fucking amazing amiright?

    pic related it's one of her shitty character references
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)18:52 No.12444763
    Alphonse Kapown v. Esmerelda.

    Which story is more epic?
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)18:52 No.12444766

    Oh god, sparkledogs.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)18:52 No.12444770
    Anything less than "I beat the living shit out of him with his own books" is bad end in my book.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)18:56 No.12444807
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    >and he just shoves her to the ground.

    >Frank was kicking, or trying to, my windows in on my car.

    I fear the North American Manchild may never be fully domesticated.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)18:57 No.12444821
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    If that's truely one of her references, ALL OF MY HATE
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)18:58 No.12444833
    Oh man, that name rings a lot of bells. Who was Alphonse Kapown again? It wasn't that steampunk story, was it?
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)18:58 No.12444836
    Anyway, she also came intact with awesome WOLF ALIENS. That said they where from the future where she was their queen. They gave her the awesome ability to break anything in half with her awesome jaw biting abilities and the powers of demon transformation. So with this she took over america and ended all of the evils in the world. But amazingly she was raped AGAIN by more evil humans. So she cried so much that she left the planet and went to a new one called Fwol. Where she then created a perfectly new ecosystem that all of our characters live in.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)18:59 No.12444846
    Heh. Ron must be some kind of villainous gourmet/schemer, setting his insane friends up so that when they crash and burn, their tears makes his food tastes so much better.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)18:59 No.12444847
    So I'm rapidly passing pissed, heading towards RAEG! territory. Yell at him to knock the cheap shit off. You want your damned books, or do I burn em? He comes around the car at me in a dead run, cursing and screaming and generally frothing. Not wanting ANOTHER fight at a dnd group, I just sidestep, trip him, and drop the bag by him. I kneel on his back with one leg, and ask him if he wants a cab, or he can walk. But he was going to be leaving the property one way or the other. But his third option was I sit on him till the cops show up.

    'blubber blubber moan wail scream cry thrash and try to get up'

    Fine. Yell at the host to call the cops. He tells me that he's gotta take his wife to the ER. In the middle of all this, two more players show up. One of them calls the cops, and the cops decide since there's an injury, that they're sending an ambulance. And two cars. And during this phonecall, Frank hyperventilates enough to pass out.

    So I get off of him, sit on the curb and wait outside for the cops. Who arrest Frank once they run his ID. Outstanding warrant for his arrest from California. Child pornography charges. Outstanding warrant from King County, Meth charges. This was the second time the cops had been out to the hosts house in three months, and they recognized me and the host.

    'Hey man, I thought you guys said the violence was all make believe and shit?'

    Yeah... I've got some bad luck with getting new players.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)19:01 No.12444867
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    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)19:02 No.12444876
    Fucking hell. Thank fuck you phoned the police.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)19:02 No.12444881
    I randomly used to FFRP in this area that was filled with Sues. Sues, and intelligent people, but Sues mostly. Sues as far as the eye could see.

    Not only did these people have not one ounce of originality (A lot of their characters were jedi/saiyjin/jafaa/superheros) But there was one that absolutely took the cake.

    This dude had a character that was a half-dragon, half-god. Not a God of dragons. Not a dragon who had elevated to a God, half-god, half-dragon. Now of course he used this in a RP sense to play the biggest, baddest mofo. This was not the fun part though, the best part was that he was 'dating' another RP'er, who was as crazy as him. Typical black haired, skinny, big breasted witch character type.

    Oh the Joy I felt when I heard of this. This was a situation ripe with humor. I didn't RP a lot, nor in depth, but I slowed down my play just to watch this all roll out.

    In the span of ONE WEEK of watching these two, they went from half dragon, half - god dating a mortal witch. To a half dragon, half god dating another half dragon, half god. By passing the power on, of course.

    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)19:03 No.12444884
    >So she cried so much that she left the planet and went to a new one called Fwol.

    Tell me you killed the player for the good of humanity.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)19:03 No.12444889
    Why were the cops there three months ago?
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)19:03 No.12444890

    Then it gets weirder, as this woman, for whatever reason decides to confide what their sexual play was about to other players OOC... for, whatever reason. But of course with his half dragon, half god powers he could make his mate shapeshift... to whatever he wanted.

    Including all the female characters being played, including those MAJORLY underage. This went on to be furry related, and generally just plain odd. Huge drama occurred, that I was happy to stay out of, due to my position of being the idle watcher.

    At the end of this one week, I was playing randomly by myself just enjoying some writing, and this dude comes in... Obviously quite upset by everyone hearing his odd sexual fetishes, decides his character is 'drunk', and picks a fight with my character.

    My character then kills, his character. And I immediately just leave, to stop from hearing the ensuing shit storm.

    Well, it turns out because of this the dude killed off the character and 'killed himself'. And the girl? Yeah, she 'killed herself' too.

    Fast forward one week.

    Once again I was sitting there writing randomly, enjoying some quiet time. When in walks a man. But after reading a bit, it was not a man. It was a child of a God. And a dragon.

    A hour later in walks in a bland, black haired woman character. She sits down, they converse.

    Best part? You could tell by how careful they were writing... that they didn't know it was each other. Two crazy ass Sues, destined to be together.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)19:03 No.12444891

    >unnecessary faggotry based descriptions like changing sparkly colours in the snow

    either this is classic female mary sue, or I've just pretty much described Twilight.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)19:04 No.12444898
    >warrant for his arrest from California. Child pornography charges. Outstanding warrant from King County, Meth charges

    fuck dude, that's fucked up. This is why I only play in public at my flgs. Though there is an Aspie who plays in another game on the same days. The flgs owner/my party's dm has to yell at him to stop shouting every 10 minutes.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)19:04 No.12444899
    That's pretty much just the back story. She played for about a month before she just pissed off for good. I have some stories of the antics but if you just wanted a THAT SUE you got one.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)19:04 No.12444903
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    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)19:04 No.12444906
    >Outstanding warrant for his arrest from California. Child pornography charges. Outstanding warrant from King County, Meth charges.
    Jesus titty fucking christ, thank god someone called the cops.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)19:05 No.12444910

    For those of you who don't know, Alphonse Kapown was a char an anon played and forced to combat the shitty half-dragon sues and practically freeform DM he played with, and probably the most fuckawesome dude ever. Ended up making steampunk weapons and shit.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)19:07 No.12444924
    Oh God, I remember that. I was nearly hyperventilating from the combined awesome and laughter. I'd say that was definitely more epic.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)19:08 No.12444939
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    >Where she then created a perfectly new ecosystem that all of our characters live in.


    Barring every other terrible thing about this story, how narcissistic do you have to be to think the GM is just gonna be all "Sure thing, your character created the world where this game is set with absolutely no input from me".
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)19:09 No.12444943
    Very long setup short this time. Friend of the now departed foreign student. Went to class with him. Munchkin in the worst way. We invited, he was neckbeard munchkin powergamer with mental problems. Wouldn't stop talking about 'raping 3 year olds' as a 'joke' when the host/hostess have two daughters in the 2-6 range. Trying to get him out of the house before someone clocked him one. He goes all crazy retard strong that we're out to get him because he's 'speshul' and starts throwing shit. I got punched in the balls and my face stepped on. So the host clubbed him with a bat and called the cops.

    For reference, I'm military and at the time was around 6'2" and 210, 46" chest/32" waist. I normally play the peacemaker/looming goon when dealing with emotional BS, and I honestly wasn't expecting a nerdrage attack like that. Not my most stellar moment.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)19:14 No.12445006
    I was the DM. And no I didn't allow it so I forced her to change a good portion of her backstory. to this she bawww'd considerably before she complied.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)19:17 No.12445032
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    that sounds pretty fucking awesome
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)19:19 No.12445046
    It was. I think a Khorne Berserker was involved, too.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)19:22 No.12445071
    Ok that's it.
    I haven't had a regular group for a long time, due to having lost contact with players from my childhood, me and a friend were discussing trying to find a couple of players, but after reading this I don't think I want to.
    If anything, maybe we'll try some dungeons and dragons were you just have little figurines and roll for damage as a tactical tabletop game.

    Jesus christ I'm honestly scared, especially since it made me wonder what some of the weirdo's from my childhood are like, if they are the same or if they grew up.

    I mean this is a reasonably new thing, especially online roleplaying, and there are people who are this fucked up even in their 30's, what kind of people will they be in their 40's? 50's? hell what kind of seniors will they be?
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)19:22 No.12445081

    CTRL-F 'Alphonse Kapown' to read about the true god of /tg/.
    >> captain 10/14/10(Thu)19:24 No.12445096
    There will always be "weird people" the only thing to do is to just go with what you want and deal with it like an adult. I mean if you don't like them just kick them out.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)19:26 No.12445116
    They're probably murdered before they can get that old.

    At least I hope they are.

    Dear God, I fear for the future.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)19:27 No.12445133
    and now i'm curious as to what the other horror story at that house was
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)19:28 No.12445144
    this generations gamers will be the next generations crazy cat people or scary old men.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)19:29 No.12445151
    Such freaks have always existed, it's just that we hear about it more because the Internet is where we all go to bitch.
    >> captain 10/14/10(Thu)19:30 No.12445157
    Alright let me rephrase this.

    There will always be "weird people" the only thing to do is to just go with what you want and deal with it like an adult. I mean if you don't like them just "set up landmines infront of your house" and then kick them out.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)19:32 No.12445174
    onto the land-mines?
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)19:37 No.12445207
    Is there any other way?
    >> Paladin Strelok 10/14/10(Thu)19:43 No.12445248
    thank you comrade.

    best fuckin' story i ever read.
    >> captain 10/14/10(Thu)19:44 No.12445261
    you could always put the landmines on them.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)19:48 No.12445293
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    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)19:49 No.12445307
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    Seeing these threads makes me really glad I found a good group. Everyone gets along and generally has a good time. Dealing with these asshats must be awful.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)19:50 No.12445312
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    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)19:51 No.12445320
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    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)19:54 No.12445352
    inb4 op gets infected with her filth
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)19:54 No.12445354
    Same. My players are awesome at taking characters that look like definite Mary Sues and making them awesome. One of them made a Paladin with multiple personality disorder, and God, is he glorious. The normal personality is the typical "Cleave and smite, cleave and smite!" Paladin, and the "other" half is that douchebag who always gets girls, except for the "gets girls" part.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)19:56 No.12445377
    Well, if you got a peak at her chest, was she at least good-looking?
    >> I like alignments !!zCDnoQ1ejCk 10/14/10(Thu)19:57 No.12445387
    >Then it gets weirder, as this woman, for whatever reason decides to confide what their sexual play was about to other players OOC... for, whatever reason. But of course with his half dragon, half god powers he could make his mate shapeshift... to whatever he wanted.

    >Including all the female characters being played


    And I'm surprised this didn't derail into a freeform/Ayenee/Rhy'Din thread.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)20:09 No.12445484
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    I once played a half-orc named bob.
    Bob was so full of rage he destroyed the kingdom of Geneva.
    He then looked up as he stand over the burning kingdom that had irked him somethng fierce and he saw a planet twinkling up in the sky it was the planet Fwol.
    The way the planet twinkled told him he had to kill it for the safety of the lil orc babies.
    So he ran to the neariest tree pulled it from the roots and hurled it at the moon with such force the moon rocketed to Fwol and blew it up.
    He then sat down and had a cup of tea and waits for the next thing to offend his senses.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)20:11 No.12445503
    Crazy chicks typically have hair around there nipples.
    >> captain 10/14/10(Thu)20:12 No.12445505
    Was this before or after he joined the guard with Gav?
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)20:12 No.12445509
    *walks into the tavern, orders a bloodwyne, and sits in a dark corner*

    *jumps into the rafters*

    (Anyone want to T1?)
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)20:17 No.12445544
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    that just made my fucking week
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)20:18 No.12445553
    Your life must be pretty dull, brah. You should bang more smokin' bitches.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)22:33 No.12446981
    That is probably the best thing I have ever read on the internet. That man is a god among men.
    >> captain 10/14/10(Thu)22:58 No.12447382
    Holy crap... I think I just became a fan of steampunk.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)23:26 No.12447783
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    Ma boi, this is what all true heros strive for!
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)23:55 No.12448096
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    ah. maw. gawd.
    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)23:57 No.12448128
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    >> Anonymous 10/14/10(Thu)23:59 No.12448146
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    That is probably the best thing I have ever read in my entire life.
    >> Anonymous 10/15/10(Fri)00:07 No.12448258

    This is the best post in the entire thread:

    >When I was 13 I roleplayed an Ankylosaur on the (Now defunct) Jurassic Park roleplay forums. I pushed over a jeep and then ate some grass
    >> Anonymous 10/15/10(Fri)00:36 No.12448595

    Thank you. I praise the fallen and his service to humanity.
    >> Anonymous 10/15/10(Fri)02:04 No.12449309
    Just read the Alphonse Kapown story. Fucking. Epic. And increased my appreciation for steampunk, even! Awesome story.
    >> Anonymous 10/15/10(Fri)07:07 No.12451686
    Aye, that made me lol more than the alcapone (or whatever) story. Alcapone thing was still good though.
    >> Anonymous 10/15/10(Fri)07:37 No.12451808
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    No matter the place or setting, humanity always finds the way....
    >> Anonymous 10/15/10(Fri)07:47 No.12451864
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    Fucking. Beautiful.
    >> Anonymous 10/15/10(Fri)07:53 No.12451884

    That story was good, but somehow I think it would have been better if, when the Admin unlocked the thread, he changed the ending.

    Group A gets blown up, Group B was protected by a steam-punk shield. Group A banned, Group B gets to continue with a new GM, and rape the shit out of the dragon kingdom.

    Shit would have been so cash.
    >> Anonymous 10/15/10(Fri)07:54 No.12451888

    Addendum: Basically what I mean is...

    Any ending that involves your enemies even being remembered is a half-victory at best.

    Don't just win, stomp them out of existence.
    >> Anonymous 10/15/10(Fri)07:56 No.12451893
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    Don't even leave a footnote in the history books.
    >> Anonymous 10/15/10(Fri)08:49 No.12452138
    Man, I wish my THAT GUY stories had GOOD ENDs like that. Thanks for sharing, I fucking lost it when you mentioned his character's penile shenanigans.
    >> Anonymous 10/15/10(Fri)09:16 No.12452239
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    >mfw PLANET FWOL
    >> Anonymous 10/15/10(Fri)09:27 No.12452291
    I was once in a game of Vampire: The Requiem populated almost entirely by Sues. It was pretty damn terrible, and I was brought in to re-rail this campaign and make the players enter the realms of sanity. Party members included:
    - Guy playing a ridiculously racist, stereotypical black vampire who somehow manages to be the political leader of an entire region. Despite cursing out whitey the moment he sees him.
    - Guy playing the "great-grandson of Dracula" who was clad only in a big red trench coat and packing two x-bawks hueg guns and ran with magical powers
    - Girl running a lolrandom Malkavian equivalent (it's NWoD, and I forget exactly) who was secretly a super techno artist and was beginning to figure out how to be a Mage (what the christ?)
    - Finally, the king of it all, the half-werewold/half-vampire chick who was a total badass loner yet endowed with amazing charisma and loved by all despite being an outcast from society and.....fuck, I have no idea why the GM did this. No way anyone could have allowed that while sober. I figure that he did it to see how fucking retarded people could make their characters. That, or people just whined at him until he allowed it.

    I was brought in for damage control, so I dusted off a character that I'd run in a one-shot. He may be close to Sue territory, so I'll let /tg/ judge.
    >> Anonymous 10/15/10(Fri)09:36 No.12452330
    Mackie Messer was a messed-up vampire, to say the least. Mekhet, with the Alucinor bloodline, he was not particularly stable. Not in the "random Malkavian" instability sense, but a more realistic sense. He had a small list of things that set him off, including physical contact with people he didn't like/women, any mention of people who have done anything wrong to him, and a revenge complex so insane he should have died long ago. This was compiled into a table of 'mood swings', which I would need to roll on once a scene or whenever any of his triggers came up.

    Mackie also did not speak the English so good, either. He was German, paranoid, and dressed like a guy who stole clothes from the homeless. He was also starting to get his Alucinor powers, which made it so that whenever he slept, he gets crazier.

    For unsettling habits, he would speak using German phrase constructions, segue into slang, whistle his namesake song, and occasionally flip out his favorite knife.

    He was brought into the game one stormy evening, now forever known as, "The Day That Vampire Game Ended".
    >> Anonymous 10/15/10(Fri)09:43 No.12452364
    The first thing to happen when he is brought into the game is that our lead-off racist vampire decides he doesn't like how the creepy German kid looks, and starts hurling abuse. Picture a 100 pound nerd with a bird chest, pretending to be a deep voiced black guy and hurling wave after wave of expletives against this new development. Mackie doesn't speak English well, so he has no idea what the shit is going on.

    This continues until the next player, Miss Sparkly Wolfpire, decides the unsettled, obviously confused new guy needs a hug.

    I roll on the table I set up. It indicates homicidal rage.

    Things go berserk from there. There's a lot of rolling, confusion, and the two who weren't trying to haze the new guy are playing peacekeeper, all while Mackie is spouting wave after wave of German profanity and hilariously-accented threats. The scene ends with the Magical Sue Princess getting shanked in the face.

    Now, her player did not like this at all. It was here I got to witness the amount of whining she was capable of, claiming that the GM needed to grant her a re-roll because she'd "never just LET someone scar her face!", that it was unfair to her character, ruined her motivation, et. al.

    The GM tries not to cave, but twenty minutes later, he does. Which leaves our Sue-player with a shit-eating grin, which is backed up by the player of the racist black guy. I forget whether they were dating or if he was just creepy obsessed, but either way, it was wrong.
    >> Anonymous 10/15/10(Fri)09:50 No.12452393
    Then, comes the bomb. Little Miss Wolfpire decides to summon a pack of Werewolves to kill poor Mackie for his crimes, which apparently didn't even happen, according to the GM's caving pressure.

    Now, at this point, the other female in the group decides to try and bond crazy with crazy. It's a lot of Zim-esque, random shit, which keeps going until I pull out the star rant. Half in English, with a bunch of stuttered German, it veers from hatred towards the homosexuals to mockery of America's consumerist ways to how he once killed a dog out of boredom. It keeps getting progressively creepier, until finally, the girl decides to try and calm him down with a pat on the shoulder.

    Cue table. Increased paranoid reaction. Rant gets worse.

    Finally, the Werewolves summoned by the Sue get in, and decide to tear Mackie to shreds while he's freaking out. The girl decides to watch, when Mackie throws his knife, scoring a direct hit on the face (again).

    She starts whining again, which is when the shitstorm brews. Things are thrown, grievances are aired, and the night ends with the girl on the roof, bawling because her perfect character had her face cut. They never met again, thanks to the powers of crazy.
    >> Anonymous 10/15/10(Fri)09:53 No.12452400
    She did know that she can, you know, regenerate in a split second? This story sounds pretty similar to another "malk dun right lolol" story we heard with VtM...
    >> Anonymous 10/15/10(Fri)09:55 No.12452409
    The "It is unclean. It does not touch him." story? I swear I saved it but I can't find it.
    >> Anonymous 10/15/10(Fri)09:56 No.12452412
    Ah yes, that one.
    >> Anonymous 10/15/10(Fri)10:06 No.12452458
    We had both a THAT GUY and a THAT MARYSUE at the same time. He was an obese person, got winded walking up stairs, and would lash out at the slightest bit of criticism. He knew the game, but he didn't mesh well with the group. Anyways, we got together to play some good ole' fashioned D&D 2e, so it must've been about 12 or 13 years ago. Did I mention he liked Sailor Moon?

    >preface: I'm a guy and I play girls, but at least they are three-dimensional with flaws.
    His character was a girl of unsurpassed beauty. She had mystical powers given to her by an alien benefactor who chose her specifically to save all of Faerun. Every spell she cast took like a minute to describe.
    >TG\TMS: I clasp my hands in prayer and bring them up to my face, then fold in my fingers except for my index finger. I point the index fingers at the creature and a small orb of light extends from the <OH DEAR GOD ARE YOU STILL READING THIS>
    >DM: So you cast magic missile?

    He left the group around '99. I heard he got an STD from experimenting with a guy. Don't know if it's true.

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