My name is Kyle. Kyle the Great. I want to go get my new spear from the blacksmith, my father.

Why does Avatar have a spear?

Timmy. Timmy the Wizard. We'd like to go become a Wizard, we would.

Woah, we must be in prosperous town or city to have that kind of gear. Lets look over our equipment to check that its all OK

Name is Gareth Altrus. Am going to go onto the grounds and take early target practice while berating the new recruits that are already out and training.

I MUST BE AS SWIFT AS A COURSING RIVER
WITH ALL THE FORCE OF A GREAT TYPHOON
WITH ALL THE STRENGTH OF A RAGING FIRE
MYSTERIOUS AS THE DARK SIDE OF THE MOON

>>7468508
Alrighty then, Kyle. You'll have to remember to talk to your father about making you a new spear next time you see him. He probably isn't awake right now anyway, and you have your duties to attend to, although there isn't much to do until the captain wakes up.

One of your fellow guardsmen, Dan, waves at you and walks over. "How was your vacation, man?" he asks.

>>7468559
Stab a bitch. Your new life starts now!

>>7468533

ENCHANTMENT!

>>7468546
Your equipment is standard quality. You are in a decent sized river city, named Circlebrook, for the way the river curls around it.

>>7468559
Regale Dan with tales of your nightly conquests and your daily troll slaying

>>7468559
"It was great, Dan. As befits me, KYLE THE GREAT."

>>7468581
lets go make a ham sandwich for lunch before the capn wakes up and confiscates it.

>>7468572
Sandal is such a badass.

>>7468601
>>7468595
Both of these, accompanied by a flamboyant shimmy.

>>7468559


Reply to him honestly. How was your vacation after all? Good? Bad?
Then ask him to join you in guard duty. Guarding alone sux. You always need a good buddy to make fun of approaching travellers with.

>>7468621
you mean, to insult approaching travelers with, also the accent of the day should be ridiculously french.

>>7468595
>>7468601
Dan laughs at you, not believing your stories. "Well, I guess I'll send any trolls that come barging into the city your way, eh?". He walks over and starts shootin' the shit with a few other guards.
>>7468548
You go out onto the practice range behind the barracks. There is another guardsman there, named Brandon, practicing with his spear, as well as two greenhorns who you don't recognize shooting at the targets. You fuck with them for a while, calling them names and boasting about your prowess with the crossbow, in between shots of course. They seem annoyed.

ITT: Our guard is THAT GUY.

>>7468643
hmmm, after we have warmed up for a nice long day of guarding, i propose we go to the guard post and guard.

>>7468643
Guessing that the Captain will appear shortly I get ready for inspection

Hey, let's go hit on hot wizardesses.

>>7468621
>>7468640
>>7468667
You go back into the barracks to find the Captain is awake. You go ask him where your stationed today, and who your with. As usual, your with Dan, as well as one of the greenhorns, named Mike. Your to patrol the Market District for the first half of the day, and then your on Gate duty for the second half of the day, until nightfall.

You gather your group and head out. Dan is whistling a drinking song. Mike seems to be sulking at the fact he has to patrol with the asshole who was harassing him earlier.

What do you do, /tg/?

Too bad the Captain has been murdered in his sleep, the city is under siege by goblins!

>>7468699
Ask Mike about his family.

>>7468706
Tease the kid about how he can get better. We will become the asshole mentor that drives people to achieve their best just to get us to shut the hell up. Then when they finally achieve their zenith we can tell them "Yeah, well you never would have gotten there without me pushing you."

>>7468715
that will give us further fuel to derogatize him with, remember our first day as a guard, all those big mean fat bastards made fun of us till a newer guy showed up, and we learned that its just a thing to become one of THOSE GUYS

>>7468737
Because we are KYLE THE GREAT.

>>7468742
Yeah, that's my idea. If he has a sister my next question will be, "Is your sister hot?"

>>7468699
Feeling sorry for heckling Mike earlier, you act like the gruff older figure who'll be an ass but secretly teach you shit and watch your back. Pass on some Guarding wisdom to mike

>>7468751
Oh no! I don't want to be THAT guy

We are Kyle the Great. Our friend is Dan the Man. Mike, too, needs an awesome Guard Patrol Heroes name.

>>7468706
You mention this thought to Dan, who laughs. "A goblin invasion! Why, that may actually be exciting! Gods forbid something EXCITING happens. Maybe the goblins would have trolls with them!" Dan is easily bored.
>>7468715
>>7468737
You ask Mike about his family. He seems stunned by your sudden show of friendship. He begins to tell you "My father is a thatcher and my mother -" You cut him off, finishing his sentence with "-was all over my cock last night." Dan roars with laughter, and Mike scowls.
You then proceed to call him more names.
>>7468647
It would indeed seem so.

>>7468770
We are going to be THAT GUY. In the inevitable crisis, we will shine, and we will shine with the light of a DICK. If you've read Guilded Age, think Payet Best.

>>7468737
>>7468758
This is now "Asshole mentor quest"

I want to hear more of Brandon.

>>7468776
"But seriously Mike, got a girlfriend?"

>>7468776
Oh god I think I love this quest.

>>7468776
I pull out my crossbow and shoot mike in the face, then turn to dan and tell him we'll tell the Captn that it was a training mishap.

ask Mike if he has a picture of his family.

>>7468789
He's probably the best guardsman on the force. With near-Puritanical ideas, unending vigilance, and obliviousness to sarcasm and humor, he is a complete dick. No one likes him. Dan often pulls pranks on him. You two got in a fistfight one time when you where drunk and causing trouble - he kicked your ass effortlessly.

>>7468776
/r/ goblin/troll invasion, where we save Mike and Dan from a troll by ramming our fathers plus 1 spear through its brain

>>7468813
not yet, we have hours of material we need to test on him, remember we're trying to win the prize at the open tavern night

>>7468815
Okay. Here is my idea: We get Brandon to train us secretly to his level of skill, with the plan of making a secret organization which cleans up the streets, even the guilds we can't normally touch, when the normal guards aren't there or -can't- be there. We'll the guardman Batman.

In public, we are THAT GUY.

So we have Jay and Silent Bob guardsmen?
Or is this more of a Colin/ Nobby Nobbs kinda thing?

>>7468751
>>7468792
You continue to ask Mike personal questions. When he doesn't respond, you call him more names. Dan joins in. The kid is sitting redfaced behind his visor, and you can hear him grinding his teeth. This makes you laugh harder.

Merchants are setting out there wares in the bazaar. A few shoppers are already wandering the streets.

You see small figures dart through the shadows, and perhaps what seems to be your ears tricking you sounds that sounded much like speech. Yet you dismiss it as rats, or was it?

>your
>your
>your
>your
>your
>your
>your
>your
>your
>your
>your
>your
>your
>your
>your
>your
>your
>your
>your
>your
>your

>>7468841
Think we should lay off the kid? Either that or we continue to push him until he becomes the best fucking guard EVER!

>>7468841
Have a look at some of the merchants wares, making sure to mention, loudly, how nice their stores are and, why, wouldnt it be a shame if something happened to their stores?

>>7468841
It's time to demonstrate the GREATNESS of Kyle of the Great. Let's chat up the hot girl who sells carpets.

As a guard, there should only be one thing to focus on...

>>7468868
aye, the conversation should make its way to "Well if you need someone to buff your rug^^"

>>7468877
I wait for that moment with bated breath. Oh how glorious it will be when we appear out of nowhere and shout "STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM!"

>>7468877
protecting the citizenry from cliffracers?

>>7468868
You move off to chat up Jasmine, the exotic rug merchant. She greets you with as usual "Do you need something, guard?"

>>7468894
Who the hell are you? You ain't running this show, bub

>>7468866
You stop by a fat man's setup. He seems to be selling various spices. You make the comment. The man licks his lips nervously. "Y-yeah, it would, wouldn't it?" Dan starts harassing him, asking him for permits and papers that don't exist. The man is shaking in his boots.
>>7468868
You ignore them as you look for a hot woman who sells carpets (but shaves her own) to hit on. You don't see any good looking merchants, but there's an average looking girl about Mike's age sweeping the porch of an inn.

>>7468894
>"Well if you need someone to buff your rug^^"

Actually I was thinking -you- might need someone to...

>>7468893
Ain't no cliffracers in oblivion, bub

>>7468914
WE ARE THE WORST GUARD EVER.

>>7468914
Tell Mike to take a break and go talk to the girl. Say she's giving him the eye. Don't tell him we're being nice so Dan and us can go roughhouse some merchants.

>>7468914
Suberashii! Mikes girlfriend spotted! Lets harass her until Mike is forced to intervene, and then beat Mike up until his girl begs me to kiss her

>>7468927
Guards are there to not prevent crime, but punish crime.

>>7468933
You tell Mike to go talk to the girl. He scowls at you, saying he doesn't want to. As his superior, you order him to go talk to her. "And don't come back till you fuck her!" you call after him.

Dan is laughing maliciously at the fat, blubbering merchant. You grin. It's gonna be a real horrorshow day.

>>7468962
Ohno. What have I done.

>>7468962
wait, can we redo? I'm Lawful Good... I don't like the sound of this Kyle and Dan duo...

Mike sounds more like the hero of a tale!

>>7468962
"yeah mike you can do IT!!!! ALL NIGHT LONG!!!!!!!"

>>7468986
Maybe the merchant is actually a bad guy. Right? Right?!

>>7468995
>>7468962
NOOO! I'm out, kyle is a jerk!

>>7468986
Well yeah of course he is. We are his gruff mentor that shows him just how bad this world can really be so he will drive himself harder than ever to become that hero.

>>7469005
But we're Alexander! We can't be Alexander and be ultimately good!

>>7468962

>>7469013
We don't have to be ultimately good to do what's best for the people. Remember Lawful good doesn't always mean Lawful nice.

>>7468984
>>7468986
Feeling a sudden pang of regret, you tell Dan to stop. He nods, then pats the merchant on the shoulder. "I'm just fuckin' with you man." he says. He pulls out a couple coins and hands them to the still red-faced fat man.
More and more people are coming out on the streets. Mike and his new girl have disappeared, presumably having gone into the inn.
Dan eyes the gathering crowds. "I think some new trade ships came in from Elven lands yesterday. The streets will be even more crowded than usual."

>>7469028
It doesn't involve using the word 'horrorshow' as you and your friend maliciously advance on a terrified merchant either.

>>7469021
Oh god I laughed my ass off.

>>7469031
GOOD MAN MIKE! WHEN HE SHOWS UP AGAIN BUY THAT BOY A FUCKING DRINK!

>>7469031
wow, that kid really did it, or is about to heh heh...
lets go check out the ship isn't the captain some hot elf chick? i'd like to investigate her cargo to see if she has any illegal booty

>>7469048
ACTUALLY I SHOULD SAY BUY THAT 'MAN' A DRINK! HE'S A BOY NO LONGER!

>>7469055
"Man, I'm getting too old for this guard shit. How long have we been working in the guard now? Ten years!"

>>7469046

>>7469048
>>7469057
You tell Dan what you made Mike do, which gets the goofy man laughing again. "Think he's stickin' it her right now?" he asks.
>>7469055
The docks aren't where your supposed to be patrolling. Your on pretty good terms with most of the other guards, but you wouldn't put it past some of them (like Brandon) to turn you in for abandoning your post.

Well, then. Go forth and uphold the law. Pic related.

>>7469095
maybe we can trade shifts with some guys later, the night life on the docks is more interesting anyway, lets keep patrollin

>>7469055

What for?

>>7469095
A crime might break out, I guess. We can't really leave the area. Send Dan in after Mike after half an hour or so, continue patrolling for now.

>>7469095

>YOUR
>FUCKING YOU

It's You're man! Please! For the love of Kyle, use it!

>>7469095
"Stuck it in her? That boy's probably wrecked her by now!"

>>7469095
Fucking elves. Leave the docks to their own guards, hopefully they aren't enough an some stuck up Elf Lord gets knifed by some thug. Tell Dan to go get Mike, if its really gonna get crowded we'll need backup

I have a feeling we're going to find Mike dead.

>>7469122
It's friggin market duty, after a ship got in. This is the fucking big times, Brandon is probably RAGEing in his boots because you're going to stop all the thieves while he gets to clean the shit house because he was a dick to the captain.

>>7469113
>>7469121
>>7469122
You and Dan start walking again. You pass the inn where you assume Mike is at right now (hopefully sticking his penor in that girl's pooper). You walk a ways, and sure enough, you see a large argument between two large men. Both are foreigners, from the west. They are shouting in their native language, which you can't understand (you know how to give basic commands in it though, such as 'stop' and 'get down', etc). You can't tell which is the merchant, but whoever it is is selling ivory goods.

>>7469150
no, not mike, at least he died a man
/salute

>>7469122
>>7469146
Let the boy have his fun. We can always rag on him dome more when the shift is over. Also if anyone asks where he is we should cover for him because we may be an ass but we look out for a bro.

>>7469133
Yeah I know, it's a bad habit. Sorry.

>>7469164
West? Foreign? Where the fuck are we at? Don't tell me where are fucking Easterners? FUUUUUUUUUUU-

Also, approach the arguing men and ask them, in our tongue, if we can help them?

>>7469150

>>7469164
YEAH BOI! It's time for the KYLE-DAN COMBO BEATDOWN.

Tell them to stop, and prep ourselves for spear fu.

>>7469164
shout, "STOP CRIMINAL SCUM" in their language.

Tell Dan to fan out and keep a look out for more crimes.

>>7469164
Well shit. Can Dan speak "Dumbass"? If not we may have a bit of difficulty here. If we can we should see if we can locate some random towns person who can speak it to be a neutral translator.

>>7469189
Was funny, now a little scary. My name is Michael.

Better hope to god one of them isn't an Easterling or he will hypnotize us with his pretty Easterling eyes.

>>7469186
The Market is not segregated.
>>7469191
You ask them if they need assistance. The taller one shouts at you "This CREATURE has REFUSED to pay for a statuette that he has broken with his own hand!" The other man looks at you "This fool speaks nothing but lies! He dislikes my clan, you see, so he came out to do harm to my person, and knocked over his damned statue himself, the <you can't understand the next few words>" The two men start shouting at each other again.

>>7469244
ask if anyone else has seen what the merchant claims

if yes, dole out justice in the form of stopping criminal scum

if no, ask how much the statue was worth

>>7469244
Wait, he broke ivory with his hand? Shit.

>>7469244
ok ok, did anyone see who broke the statuette

>>7469240
OH SHIT TOO LATE!!

>>7469244
try to investigate the statue to see how it was actually broken

stop criminal scum accordingly

>>7469276
Fuck. This guy could break us with his bare hands. We should probably try to be diplomatic here.

>>7469204

>>7469244
Whisper to Dan to keep a lookout for urchin pickpockets, they love distractions like this to ply their trade. Hit the ground near the gentlemen with our spear butt a few times to get their attention, and then ask to inspect the mentioned statue for yourself

>>7469240

In the book they are Southern men. They had it correctly with Faramir attacking the Mumakil in Ithilien, It was also those people that marched into the black gate of Morannon when Frodo and Sam come to see it with Smeagol. Fuck yeah!

>>7469276
He dropped it or knocked it off or some shit. It was a small statuette of some...animal. Small and fragile.
>>7469281
>>7469264
There is a crowd gathered around the stand now. You and Dan begin to question the onlookers. The people you talk to don't seem to know anything. Dan talks continuously to the same woman, though knowing him he could be trying to pick her up.

Suddenly, you hear a woman scream, followed by a large crack. You are flung to the ground, and quickly scramble up, cursing. Dan managed to stay up, but is staring.

The shorter man has a long thin piece of wood in his hand, and the other man looks...flattened...as he lies on the ground. The magician turns to you. "Don't come closer!" he shouts, waving his wand.

Arcane magic is illegal in this kingdom. Dan looks at you, fear in his eyes. What do you do?

>>7469345
Aw fuck I was gonna say take em both down to the station and stick em in a cell.

Tell the wizard fuck to leave the city. Or hope that Mike sneaks up on him.

>>7469345
No choice, really. Throw our spear at his arm, then dash in with the club and try to knock him unconcious.

>>7469345
ladies and gentlemen, you didn't see ANYTHING, what just happened here was an unidentified artifact accidentally went off, we will confiscate it and see that this man gets some aid please go about your business, you are comin with us buddy

>>7469345
TIME TO SHINE BOYS! BUST OUT YOUR GURREN SUNGLASSES AND GO GAR ON HIS ASS!

>>7469345
A...a...a crime?
Tell him to accompany you to the Guardhouse or thrown down right here, right now

>>7469384
If you guys are going to attack, roll 1d20 as you explain your attack. Higher is better, obviously.

>>7469345
NOW IS THE TIME

Stand up, look him in the eyes and say "STOP RIGHT THERE, CRIMINAL SCUM!"

>>7469394

>>7469393
>>7469376
As you start to talk to the presumed magician, he cuts you off "I don't have to listen to you! I have practiced under the tutelage of High Sorcerer Alneejundah! Stay back!" Sparks fly from his hands, as if to emphasize his words. He seems very nervous. The Market District has erupted in chaos, with people running and screaming back and forth. Dan glances at you again.

>>7469413
FUCK YEAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

rolled 1 = 1

>>7469429

Throw spear at arm.

rolled 18 = 18

>>7469429
Fly true. Spear to the arm, then charge with the club.

rolled 10 = 10

>>7469429
"Now Mike!!!"
Mike leaps out of the window above the merchant stall, sword held high wearing nothing but a bed sheet bringing down the blade with it's full force upon the wizard

>>7469437
well fuck, brandon is going to be making fun of us again ;_;

MAKE SURE YOU TELL HIM TO STOP AND CALL HIM CRIMINAL SCUM

>>7469437
I hate you. That was my idea, and you took it and rolled a 1 about 10 seconds before me. Bad end.

>>7469446
Please for the love of god take this roll.

>>7469429
Lean on your spear and calmly inform the "magician" that if he used unlawful magic to attack us the royal magicians would sense it and be on his ass in a matter of minutes. Sure, he'd probably bag Dan and I but is being attacked by a horde of angry magicians worth that?

>>7469413
>>7469437
>>7469384
You draw your self up, and exclaim loudly "STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM!" as you hurl your spear at the magician. It doesn't even come close. He stares at you strangely. You can hear Dan trying to stifle a chuckle.

What do you do

rolled 13 = 13

>>7469466
THROW CLUB! AT HIS HEAD!

rolled 2 = 2

>>7469466

Charge him. Wrestle to the ground.

>>7469449
>>7469449
NOW THIS

DO THIS

>>7469466
Good! We made him lower his guard! Now that he thinks we are no longer a threat TACKLE HIS ASS!

rolled 20 = 20

Shout STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM
YOUR SPREE IS AT AN END

While you charge him, spear slightly elevated and pointed towards him

>>7469477

>>7469477
>>7469491
>>7469473
You draw your club and hurl it at the man. It hits him in the shoulder. You then spring forward, attempting to tackle him. Alas, you stumble. Suddenly, you hear a crack and are thrown backwards. You land on your back.

rolled 3 = 3

>>7469492

There goes my fucking 20. We don't have a spear anymore. Charge him with the club, obviously. Aim for his head.

rolled 11 = 11

Now Mike! Leap from the window!

rolled 9 = 9

>>7469517

Get up. Charge him again. Wrestle to the ground.

rolled 15 = 15

SCREAM FOR FUCKING MIKE

MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WE'RE FUCKING DYING OUT HERE

ROLL FOR SHOUT CHECK

>>7469523
The building Mike is presumably in is a few blocks to the south. He is not coming. Sorry.

Jesus /tg/, whats with the shitty rolls?

rolled 8 = 8

>>7469535
remove helmet, THROW IT

>>7469517

>>7469517
he's nervous and obviously a bit too powerful for us at the moment

let's try to diffuse the situation

"Look, buddy, you don't have to do this. Just put down the... stick, and come with me."

or alternatively, summon mike using our guardsman seniority powers

>>7469542
someone must have jizzed on /tg/s dice last night

>>7469535
LOOK! THE SPEAR THING WAS MY IDEA AND I GOT AN 18. IT'S NOT MY FAULT SOME FAGGOT ROLLED A 1 IMMEDIATELY BEFORE ME.

>>7469526
>>7469530
You get up, and see Dan and the magician struggling upright. Dan has a hold of the magician's hand that holds his wand, and is trying to force him against the wall. His spear lies on the ground near his feet - he is wielding his club.

You spring up and tackle the man's legs out from under him. He falls to the ground hard, a solid 'oof' escaping from his lungs. Dan smacks him on the side of the head with his club, and the man goes limp. With your head against his chest, you can feel him breathing, so Dan just knocked him out.

ITT: we're a jerk and a terrible guard

rolled 5 = 5

Right! Get up, punch the wizard in the face. Man meets mage. Flesh meets fantasy. Anger meets arcane. Roll high, Kyle.

>>7469563
tripcodes and namefags do have an advantage vs. anons but let us not let this devolve into a namefags vs. anons thread and keep it on track

Ok buddy, put the stick down, we won't throw anymore warning shots

Why are we so obsessed with Mike all of a sudden? You guys remember that he's a greenhorn that sorta dislikes us, right?

>>7469581
Are you fucking serious? Combat is over, luckily, but whats with these rolls?

rolled 13 = 13

>>7469535

Take Dan's spear and throw it at the "magician"

>>7469572
Gently stroke the man's chin.

>>7469592

Seduce the wizard.

>>7469588
subtlety fondle the unconscious wizard's balls

Recover our spear and club while trying to maintain some of our manliness. Also tell Mike that though you're proud of him for tapping that ass it figures it would happen right before this shit goes down.

>>7469608
>>7469601
>>7469592

>>7469614
mike is still gone you twat

Recover gear and then search magician for evidence of who he is. And take his coins and thunderstick

>>7469592
>>7469601
>>7469608
Ahh so that's why we kept ragging on Mike. Tsundere guard is tsundere.

>>7469588
make sure to announce loud and clear to any bystanders that may still be bystanding that those were warning shots, intended to put the wizard on his guard because resorting directly to violence is never the answer

>>7469639
THEN fondle his balls

>>7469592
>>7469608
You stroke the man's chin and rub his balls. He's out cold, so you don't think he notices.
>>7469614
MIKE IS NOT HERE.
You do retrieve your possessions though. Dan ties the magician's hands behind his back and gags him. He hoists him over his shoulder. "I'm gonna run this guy over to the dungeon. You should go find out where Mike is." He looks at you, then chuckles "Too bad he wasn't a troll, eh?"

rolled 1 = 1

>>7469639
"Kyle the Great is thinking of you citizens, stay lawful."

The dice are here for a bluff, that was a fucking travesty.

>>7469651
Oh lord.

>>7469647

Voting fondle.

>>7469639
>>7469651
You shout this to nearby onlookers, those that haven't fled. You hear a few chuckles, but no one stands to oppose you. You feel yourself blush.

>>7469634
No shit. I meant when we met up with him again. He may be getting some but with all that commotion I'm sure even his newly developing scum senses told him some criminal scum was up to no good.

Also inb4 Mike runs up trying to throw his gear back on shouting "STOP RIGHT THER- aww I missed out...Why the hell did I say that?"

>>7469650
FUCK YOU, DAN

WE TRIED
>>7469651

kyle can't do anything right ;_;

>>7469650
Coldly inform Dan that your missed spear cast and stumble were obviously the work of magic. Before you go get Mike, talk to the merchant and ask who that magician was

>>7469651
ok bro...damn cmon of all the rolls to fuck up you had to fuck up the, lets recover what face we can and maintain the image as a run of the mill guard, now we're a fuck up of a guard...

>>7469667
>>7469650

Find the Wizard's spellbook.
Take his wand.

LEARN MAGIC.

>>7469667
Stop taking cues from morons OP

>>7469679

>>7469681
IT WAS ALL BECAUSE OF THE MAGIC!

FOOKIN MAGES!

>>7469693
It's the only whay.

>>7469687
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT WAS LIKE MAN.

>>7469705
>>7469693

>>7469693
I agree, we're a bad guard

maybe we'll be a good wizard!

>>7469681
Dan nods "Aye, magic is dangerous stuff." He's still grinning.
>>7469681
You check the merchant, who hasn't moved. Checking his pulse, you realize he is dead. You curse. Now the Captain is going to be pissed. Maybe you can blame it on Mike?

What now /tg/? Go look for Mike? Or do something else entirely?

>>7469726
MAGIC, MOTHERFUCKER

LEARN IT

>>7469726
What time is it?

FIND MIKE

BERATE HIM FOR NOT BEING THERE TO HELP YOU

IF HE SUCCESSFULLY MADE IT WITH THE WOMAN, TELL HIM THAT HE HAS PROBABLY CONTRACTED SOME SORT OF DISEASE AND THEN INFORM THE MEN

>>7469740
Concurring. GET THE WAND.

>>7469726
blaming it on mike is low, too low for us, we're his hard ass mentor, not his betrayer, lets find mike, dan's gone to the dungeon and patrolling these streets alone is like taping a shank me sign on your back

>>7469726
Take the fucking magic wand ffs. Then search the merchants store for "evidence" to "confiscate"

rolled 20 = 20

>>7469741
try to determine the time of day based on the position of the sun

>>7469721
>>7469705
>>7469693
You ask Dan for the magicians wand and any other possessions as evidence. Dan shrugs and hands them to you.
Aside from his wand and his money, he has the following things:
A black statue of a cat, found tucked inside his robes
A jeweled necklace
A loose portfolio of notes. You suspect these may be his 'spellbook'. Of course, he wrote them in his native language, so there is no way to tell.

>>7469772

Learn his native language.

Go to library, find book on his language, translate.

Hide the wand on, or inside, you.

>>7469766
It is precisely 10:31. Lunch is at noon, afterwords you begin your second shift. Gate duty.

>>7469772
fuck, and I wanted to learn magic, too

let's search for someone to translate

with all this chaos, nobody will notice a guard poking around a bit outside his set patrol route

>>7469772
Search merchants belongings. The magician obviously wanted something of his. Also, pocket that broken ivory statue

>>7469760
Let Mike get his action for now but make sure to check on him soon. Patrolling alone is really a bad idea.

YOUR DAD IS VERY KNOWLEDGEABLE IN MANY DIFFERENT LANGUAGES, HIM BEING A FUCKING AWESOME BLACKSMITH AND ALL. GOTTA SELL SHIT YOU KNOW. GO ASK HIM FOR HELP WHEN YOU CAN.

>>7469798

>>7469797
You take the merchant's money. He has nothing else on him (except clothes) besides a fancy ring. You also pocket the statue. Technically you should guard the merchant's belongings until the city can take them for their own profit, but no one ever does. His stuff will be looted.

So, find Mike, or find a way to translate possible magic notes?

>>7469832
Let's go see. I really hope he is, because, right: It's become clear we're no fighter.

Now we're trying magic? Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Kyle = Merlin, Mike = Arthur.

>>7469772
FIND TRANSLATOR

LEARN MAGIC

BE A WIZARD

BEAT UP BRANDON

Shouldn't someone come by to clean up the body? Who handled that sort of thing in feudal society?

>>7469841
We go find Mike but keep the notes on us for now.

>>7469832
shut your whore mouth, he IS alive, he's too young to die, MIKE DON'T DIE!!!!!!!!

>>7469841

Translate magic notes.

>>7469847
vultures?

>>7469847

>>7469847
The Temple would take care of it
>>7469841
Give a kid a coin to tell the nearest Temple to come collect a dead body. Go find Mike and tell him what happened

>>7469847
We can't just leave the body here. Does the guard send someone to help clean the scene? If so we may have to just wait and guard this spot until the crime scene dudes show up.

>>7469853

>>7469873
stop trying to be a guard, we're trying to become a wizard!

To MIKE!

>>7469841
Voting note translation. Library is probably best-- don't ask anyone.

rolled 6 = 6

>>7469868
The kid runs off to the Temple. You know the temple will take the former merchant's goods.

We seem to be split on going to find Mike, or going to begin translating the possible spellbook (don't forget arcane magic is illegal). Rolling a d20, on a 10 or higher we translate the spellbook

>>7469885
if we become a wizard how will we train mike, who ever heard of a guard wizard anyway, what are you some kind of rebellious free thinker?

rolled 8 = 8

>>7469901
Go find Mike

>>7469904
ENCHANTED SPEAR THROWING

PERHAPS JOIN SOME SORT OF SUPERGUARD BLACK OPS UNIT

>>7469904
but we're such a terrible guard

rolled 14 = 14

MIKE MIKE MIKE MIKE MIKE MIKE

Books can be read LATER! LATER!

rolled 19 = 19

>>7469901

Translation Blast!

>>7469901
Well off to find Mike it is. Remember if the boy did score remember to pat him on the back and offer to buy him a beer when your shift is over.

>>7469920
Holy fuck yes.

>>7469924
It's clear the dice do whatever they are told not to.

>>7469920
we could form S.W.A.G
Super Weapons And Guards !!!!!!!!!!!

>>7469929

Definitely voting translation now.
Let Mike have fun.

>>7469936
We'd have to save the king's life first somehow to prove to him the value of our awesome magic and not just get thrown into a dungeon like that other guy.

rolled 5 = 5

>>7469901
>>7469915
THE DICE HAVE SPOKEN. MORE THAN ONCE

You head to the inn where Mike was last seen. You walk into a lively room, with a soft guitar being played in the corner. You spot Mike at the bar. He's holding his head in his hands. He has removed his gauntlets, helmet, boots, and belt, and does not seem to be arm. His face is extremely red. He barks at the bartender: "More mead! Hurry, you fat fuck, more mead!" The bartender refuses him, but Mike just says "I'll have you arrested! More mead!" The bartender sighs and obliges.

>>7469949
Well shit the poor boy struck out. Tell him she was a bitch anyway and buy his next beer.

>>7469949
tell him that you only pointed her out because you knew she had diseases, and pat him on the back

>>7469947
The guy who we killed and stole the magic books from?

Yeah, we're going to have to say we found those in an enchanted glade or something.

>>7469949

Guys... I believe we may have been railroadad out of being WIZARD SWAT.

>>7469971
You walk over to Mike. You put a hand on his shoulder. "Hey Mike -" you begin, but he cuts you off by spinning towards you, yelling "Fuck off! I quit, I'm not dealing with you or that buffoon Dan. Get out of my face, asshole!"
Your starting to think that you maybe should have went to the library instead.

>>7469985
CAME DOWN FROM THE HEAVENS IN A BEAM OF LIGHT

>>7469949
Sit on the stool next to Mike. Don't say anything till his mead and your beer arrive, then take a swig. Then tell Mike "bitches and whores, man, bitches and whores"
take another swig, gather up Mikes gear, and help him back to your house (not the Guardhouse, he'd get in trouble from the Captain"

>>7469999
We will read the books later, quadruple 9.

rolled 7 = 7

>>7470002
"Mike... I was only getting on your case because you're the best damn recruit I've ever seen."

Dice rolls because at this point failure is 75% of the quest.

>>7469999

JUST AS PLANNED.

>>7470002
have a touching heart to heart with him

"You know, Mike, to be honest, I don't really want to be a guard either."

Then subtlety fondle his balls.

>>7470022
1. He's got armor on
2. He possible has diseases you do not want

>>7470019
I told you, we'd go to the library later. I'm not railroading.
>>7470018
After saying this, Mike just tells you to fuck off again, before asking for more mead. He's very drunk.

>>7470034
1. for now...
2. diseases we definitely want

>>7470034
He took the armour off, fag. Let the man hitting on commence

>>7470002
kid grew a pair, "Ok, Mike, you wanna be treated like a man, cmon hit me, if you can, sure you screwed up your chance at gettin some fine ass, sure you messed up and are now stuck being a town guard, sure your life sucks because everyone hates you and you can't do shit right, well start fixin shit, get your ass off that stool and hit me!"

>>7470034

>>7470040
GAY HITTING ON IS A GO

tell him that girl was no good for him anyways

tell him you have much better things in mind

>>7470005
ARE YOU GIVING UP THAT EASILY?! TIME TO GO INSPIRING GAR ON HIS ASS!

>>7470066
INSPIRE HIM WITH YOUR DICK

rolled 12 = 12

Punch Mike out cold and drag him back to your house.

I am become bad dice, destroyer of quest successes.

>>7470082
goddammit

>>7470077
>>7470063
>>7470042
>>7470041
>>7470022
Roll for seduction.

rolled 4 = 4

>>7470090
Gay wizardguard.

>>7470051
I'm voting for this. We need to toughen this boy up.

>>7470093
Ahahahaha.

>>7470090

>>7470090

>>7470105

>>7470093

WE WERE AIMING LOW.
TESTICLES ARE A LOW TARGET.

rolled 20 = 20

>>7470093
Mike stares at you drunkenly for a moment. Then, his eyes widen as he figures out what your talking about. "GET THE FUCK OUT!" he roars, causing the room to go silent. He shoves you. Roll is for his attack.

>>7470126
Oh lord

>>7470126
You're going to have to restart this quest. Mike's going to kill us.

SUPER GAY WIZARD DEFENSE

>>7470126
...who the fuck thought gay wizardguard was a good fuckin idea, MIKE SURE DIDN'T!!

Man we suck as a guard.

>>7470113
>>7470105
fuck, how do I rolled dice?

rolled 14 = 14

Actually, fuck it, you know what? I'm not rolling for defense. I'm not rolling to translate. I'm rolling to just flat out cast magic. That's right, sorcery up in this shit. The universe can't hate on Kyle the GREAT this much.

>>7470126
Oh god I lol'd. Hard. I <3 you /tg/. Imma start a new thread soon, think this one may be autosaging now or something.

You fall to the floor with a grunt. The barkeeper and the bouncer move forward quickly, restraining him. They force him quickly out the door, throwing his possessions after him. You get up. Everyone is looking at you.

I think this is a good place to make a new thread.

>>7470152

SO DO IT.

>>7470152
hurry up with new thread, already

.>>7470152
Archived.

NEW THREAD HERE: >>7470201