dickcheney.jpg

sup liches

Inb4JohnKer-
>>7893081
-ryfuck

Liches are badasses incarnate

>>7893173
> liches have no asses incarnate

>>7893189
Bite my cold bony ass, meatbag.

>>7893216
You mean your pelvis?

poor, fleshless undead. You'll never get the bitches.

>>7893308

Who needs the bitches when you've got the liches

>>7893336
win

ONE OF YOU BITCHES RANG?!

Pic related. That's the lih of an adventure I'm playing.

>>7893308

Besides, we got polymorph motherfucker.

Fuck yeah liches!

>>7893896

The lich in that picture actually looks pretty benign. What is that, his grandson or something?

>>7893896
Grandpa lich is my next character.

>>7893961
Don't know, but i think that a child raised by a lich would be awesome.

Does Skeletor count as a lich?

Feh! This thread bores me.

>>7894025
It would be a refreshing change for the LOL CHAOTIC EVIL UNDEAD

>>7893308
Svass Tam is suppposed to be fleshy.

>>7894069
I once had an idea about a lich who turned neutral (the requirement to become one is supposed to be evil, but it seems afterwards you're free to do whatever) because he became frustrated with spending centuries plotting something that would get undone by a ragtag team of adventurers in a few well spent rounds.

>>7894028
You cannot tell but I think he is not undead so technically no but for looks VERY YES!

I'm surprised I've acquired so many Liches over this period of time. I haven't acquired nearly as many Beholders, Mind Flayers, or most of the other iconic monsters besides of course Dragons and Kobolds, possibly Gnolls.

Bitches don't know about my seven phylacteries.

>>7894146
Smaarter than the average lich!

>>7894130
Sort of like Drew...

I'm rick james.

>>7894182
that's a necopolitan, not a lich

Sadly no colored version.

>>7894146
Bitches also don't know that 7 phylacteries makes your soul so unstable that it starts shedding like a German Shepherd.

>>7894188

Noted for posterity, but given that he's an undead with a grimoire and a potion vial, my archive will remain with him as a lich.

I'll put Necropolitan in the Comments, perhaps.

>>7894146
Bitches might not, but little boys do.

>>7894028

Skeletor isn't undead, his face was horribly scarred.

>>7894182
Are those purity seals ?

>>7894025

She was raised by a lich, I think.

Lich reads death metal lyrics.

>>7894215
What about Hermione?

>>7894204
Why do you think I'm so damn ugly?

Heh, must have been a WIP of the lich in front of the army.

Hell yes

>>7894130

If we're talking about Grandpa Lich, maybe his backstory could be that he was a somewhat apathetic wizard who became a lich so he could continue his studies eternally. Along the way somewhere he has a daughter, and she grows up and gets married, then her and her husband get killed by some bandits/orcs/whateverthefuck, so he flips out and goes and turns those dudes souls inside out, but then finds that hes got a grandson, so now he has to hire a wetnurse and a nanny and shit. Could be uncomfortable but also total fodder for humor.

>>7894025

I played a very weird game where I was a Lich pirate. We needed a crew fast, and had gotten a hold of 1- a device that could stop time once and 2- a crapload of orphans.

The party nominated me to take the device and the kiddies into a well-stocked castle and raise them up.
Evil lich pirate raises 50 human children? I smell movie!

>>7894253
It's actually a boy too.

Hello.

>>7894297
Sure is Death&Susan in here...

>>7894025
>>7894240
How about necromancers raised by ogres?

That's all for me gentlemen, I'm very pleased so I gave all I had. Until next dump : )

>>7894342

What?

>>7894297
Well, I'd assume you mean that he has the daughter prior to being a lich, since I'm pretty sure even if it doesn't fall off, it just don' work like it used to.

>>7893096
Oh my fucking god, that's Nathan Explosion!
HE HAS RISEN FROM THE DEAD

>>7894386

Yeah, or creative use of polymorph spells I guess.

What about Ninja-Liches or Monk Liches? Non-deathknight Paladin Liches? OgreMagi Liches?

>>7894414

Cleric liches are also pretty damn scary. Someone out there's got to have the 'Bard Lich' motivator with Keith Richards on it, right?

Halfling Swordsage Lich = Evil Yoda

>>7894425
Ravenloft had a half-elf Bard Lich

>>7894367
Go read the Discworld books by Terry Pratchett. What you said in the post I responded to is pretty much what happens in one of them. Only instead of a lich, it's Death.

>>7894297
I just imagined the child almost falling to every trap or running into every creature within the dungeon, with grandpa lich comically getting srewed by them while saving him/her.

>>7894462

Like big black cloak and scythe death? This does sound familiar... you know I think I might have read those somewhere. The pig-something. *checks wikipedia* The Hogfather! that was it. I read that one.

>>7894386
"Rigor mortis ain't what it used to be, huh?"
"SILENCE, WENCH. I MERELY REQUIRE MORE EXCITEMENT."
"That's a load of centaur shit. You wouldn't be able to get any more 'excited' if you cast a damned Lightning Bolt on that jerky-stick of yours!"
"ONE MORE WORD FROM YOU, AND YOU SHALL REGRET HAVING BEEN BORN!"
"...for someone who's all bones, it's kind of ironic that y-"
*SPLAT*

>>7894498
Yep, that's one of the ones with Death as more than a cameo. eh is pretty cool guy, takes in stray cats and doesn't afraid of anything.

>>7894489
That or, the child is immune to the lich's paralysing touch/gaze, that makes him/her some kind of potential champion against evil.

>>7894393
Mild lulz. The resemblance is remarkable.

>>7894546

I presume that liches can turn off their tazer-touch.

>>7894566
Maybe, either way a person raised within a lich's dungeon has potential, or the two could go adventuring, with the lich using the excuse of "not letting the family line die".

>>7894240

I don't know about you, but if I were a lich dad I'd be scandalized by my daughter wearing that sort of outfit. Talking to strange young demons and dressing up in leather...

>>7894630

Yeah, Denny's a whore.

>>7894622

I'd imagine the kid being an arcane trickster, having seriously been raised in Trapland (tm) and receiving arcane training from his grandpa.

Deathtouched template i think might come in handy here

>>7894650

She is looking at such a tongue-lashing when she gets home! Well, I don't have a tongue anymore, but you get the idea.

>>7894297
I just imagined a lich going Mr. Rogers when the kid is around.

Doing it right?

>>7894694
no. WoW = fail.

>>7894676

Heh. A Mr. Rogers lich would be like the friendliest lich ever. That's awesome. I'd imagine him teaching his grandson things with puppets and such.

>>7894713

>>7894722
and the puppets are severed heads on sticks.

>>7894743

I dunno, that seems a little macabre. Just because you're a lich doesn't mean you're all 'black robes and skulls' 24/7.

>>7894339

Dat sum sand wraith from heroes of newerth, not a lich.

So /tg/, we have Sandwich the drow paladin, Zhizz N'it the dwarf raised by drows, battlegranny, pallydude and drow-chan, can we make a character out of granpa lich and/or lich's grandson/granddaughter?

>>7894713
Well then isn't it fortunate that The Lich King is not World of Warcraft exclusive. In fact, nerzhul has been a prominent part of the rich warcraft story and lore ever since Tides of Darkness. While you dislike World of Warcraft I think we can all agree that the warcraft world aside from the mmo is a wonderful story and tapestry of might and magic.

>>7894722
>>7894764
SECONDED

>>7894774
also seconded.

>>7894790

The current story team doesn't like Ner'Zhul, so they retconned that Arthas absorbed his personality when they merged. Fuckers.

not technically a lich, but it IS a spellcasting undead, so...

>>7893173
Silly anon, those are obviously the Gods of Lankhmar.

I like the idea of a lich who has no fucking clue what he's doing when it comes to babies. He's thinking to himself, "I can stop time. I can rend the fabric of reality. I can blow up a mid-sized nation by thinking. NOW HOW THE FUCK DO I CHANGE DIAPERS?" The skeleton just sits there, staring at the baby, sighs, and planar binds an angel, because, dammit, planar binding is easy compared to this shit.

>>7894774

Dunno. The creative juices aren't flowing today for me.

>>7894868

Yup. And then he tries to get the angel to do it, it fails, so he has to go and hire an actual nanny.

>>7894852
And this is why I stick the WC3 canon.

>>7894920

No, he just keeps planar binding shit. He thinks to himself that there's gotta be at least one creature in the multiverse capable of changing a diaper, so he just has to keep trying. And the menagerie of various bound creatures just keeps piling up because he hasn't bothered to unsummon them yet. By the time he gets to the nalfeshnee he gets the bright idea to use prestidigitation.

CRISIS AVERTED

>>7894722

Did we want lich-grandson or lich-granddaughter? Daughter is easier for DAWWW, but it's probably overdone.

>>7894997

LOL. And then he forgets about them and leaves them locked up in summoning circles in his basement.

>>7895019

How about fraternal twins?

>>7895019

I think grandson. That way the kid can be (justifiably) loony and it's not so weird.

What is a lich?

>>7895029

They can be the child's playmates growing up. There was that one time grandpa lich tried to kidnap a village girl to be his son's/daughter's friend, but it didn't work out to well and he ended up accidentally skeletonizing her. So this kid grows up raised by a lich and playing with lantern archons and fire elementals.

>>7894546
>>7894622
>>7894658

>>7894874
Well i'd like to try but i don't want to screw it up, but on general consensus what would /tg/ choose, male or female child?, also a Mr. Rogers lich? or as the child grows the lich turns Red Foreman-ish tutor?

>>7895054

A MISERABLE PILE OF BONES AND SOULMAGIC!

BUT IN SERIOUSNESS, A LICH IS A POWERFUL SPELLCASTER WHO TOOK HIS SOUL AND SHOVED A BIG CHUNK OF IT INTO AN OBJECT CALLED A PHYLACTERY. THIS PHYLACTERY ACTS AS AN ANCHOR, AND ALLOWS HIM TO SURVIVE THE (USUALLY REPEATED) DESTRUCTION OF HIS NOW-UNDEAD BODY.

THE ORIGINS DATE BACK TO A STORY OF A DUDE WHO DID THE SAME THING WITH HIS HEART, IINM, BURYING IT IN A BOX UNDER A TREE OR SOMESUCH.

>>7895056

And there's this one Imp who's a TOTAL ASSHOLE who's always trying to get him killed by tricking him into traps, but it's up to the lantern archon (tragically stupid, like all lantern archons, but well meaning) and the fire elemental (smart, but single-minded) to stop him from getting into trouble.

>>7895054

A lich is an extremely powerful undead spellcaster that stores its soul into a special phylactery so that when its killed it just resurrects. It's impossible to kill a lich without first destroying the phylactery, otherwise it'll just keep coming back.

>>7895056
well that could be better.

>>7895076
is davey jones a lich then?

>>7895084

IN A SENSE, BUT NOT THE WAY WE TRADITIONALLY THINK OF THEM.

>>7895076

Koschei the Deathless.

His soul is hidden separate from his body inside a needle, which is in an egg, which is in a duck, which is in a hare, which is in an iron chest (sometimes the chest is crystal and/or gold), which is buried under a green oak tree, which is on the island of Buyan, in the ocean.

>>7895084
I doubt it, just because he wasn't surrounded by any kind of aura of death. He's a not-a-lich surrounded by not-sea-zombies, because they already used the undead thing in the first of the trilogy

>>7895056
Skeletonized eh? Why not bind her soul back to the skeleton so she can play with his grandson?

>>7895142

I dunno, maybe her parents got pissed and he's crazy enough to kidnap her but not enough of an asshole to raise her as an undead?

>>7895079

Then Grandpa Lich summons Uncle Djinni to watch over them but he's kinda lax and lets them get into all sorts of wacky hijinks. When things really get in trouble he'll swoop in and save them from the traps, and then sends them all along to Grandpa Lich for a stern talking to. Every Saturday they visit one planar location as a holiday, from Nessus to the Seven Mounting Heavens.

>>7895172

I LIKE THIS.

>>7895142

That's kinda what I meant when I said skeletonized, although looking over my post I didn't convey it at all well.

>>7895124
Wait, i tought it was "Far away, so far you could not fathom it, so high you could not climb it, is a mountain, and in the mountain is a lake in the lake is an island and in the island is a church and in the church is a well and in the well is a duck and in the duck is an egg and in the egg...is my heart."

>>7895170
So, he's evil/crazy enough to kidnap her, but not enough to give her another chance at life when we accidentally offs her? I don't mean reanimating the body like a normal undead, but taking her soul and re-attaching it to her now-skeleton body.

See, she's much better now! She doesn't have to eat, and she won't be cold! How could she *not* like it? Or at least, that's what he thinks.

>>7895196

It's a folk-tale, so there are tons of variations.

>>7895207

I dunno. Could you imagine a Mr. Rogers lich doing that? I couldn't.

>>7895221
>By doing that I mean kidnapping her in the first place.

>>7895221

Could you imagine Mr. Rogers lich kidnapping someone in the first place? I imagine the general feel is a well-meaning but somewhat distant and naive ancient wizard who, while he tries to do the best thing for his son, ends up accidentally killing a lot of people.

What about demiliches? They'll whip your ass and contain unfathomable knowledge...and they're just a floating fucking skull (or arm or whatever). Also they eat souls.

>>7895265

they are the truly ancient lich's right? The ones who have actually outlived the integrity of their physical body.

>>7895031

How bout twin sisters, one raised by a lich, both trained to kill the other?

>>7895265
>>7895279

GREAT-GRANDMOTHER-IN-LAW DEMILICH HAS NEVER MOVED OUT OF THE ATTIC, AND TRIES TO SPOIL THE GREAT-GRANDCHILD, LEADING TO COMPETITION?

>>7895279

Yeah. But that's okay because they can just make a new body whenever, it's seriously not a big deal. Not like they need one, though.

>>7895281

Nah. That's not really the feel we're going after.

>>7895265

Demiliches are starting to transcend physical reality or some shit.

I now have more Lich images than any other type in my stock images folder.

Thanks, /tg/!

What happens when a lich completely transcends the need for a physical form whatsoever? Do they just go about as an invisible poltergeist or something?

>>7895323

There was some ungodly template in the Immortals Handbook (you know, the book with the neutronian golem) called the alkalich or something that had fully transcended physicality and existed as a purely magical entity.

>>7895340

Shit, I dunno. Become a god or something, become one with the universe. Maybe some weird version of the Psion Uncarnate class changed up for liches.

>>7895340
I think it's demilich, then if they transcend even more maybe even deity status.

>>7895356

Hold on, I'm digging it out.

>>7894852
I remember a Warcraft Comic depicting Ner'zhul telling Arthas to kill his younger self, then after Arthas does so, he kills Ner'zhul.

>>7895207
Instead, he could be a bit less cliche and bind her soul into something like a mirror so all she can do is talk to his grandchild and can't do something like, I don't know, fucking TRASHING HIS PLACE BECAUSE HE KILLED HER?

>>7895391

Found it, posting relevant info.

Akalich:
Undeath taken beyond the cadaverous, beyond even the bone, when all that remains are the baubles of yesteryear empowered by the spirits of its unfortunate victims. Akaliches, or more commonly shadowliches, are demiliches so ancient, that any remnants of skull and bone have long since eroded to dust. Only their soul gems remain, empowered by malevolent will and captured immortal spirits. These cosmic terrors prey on immortals as it is their spirits that sustain it. The macabre processes of becoming an akalich require the being to have existed as a demilich for at least ten thousand years.

Not posting all the stats, but these bastards can give gods a serious run for their money.

"NOW, HEROES, YOU SEE THE FUTILITY OF DEFYING MY WILL. SOON YOU WILL KNOW THE ICY VENGEANCE OF THE GRA-

"Mhn... Grampa, can I have a cookie? I promise I'll only get one, and not spoil my dinner, honest..."

"OF COURSE, DEAR CHILD. BUT JUST ONE. NOW RUN ALONG, GRAMPA IS BUSY DEALING WITH SOME UNINVITED GUESTS."

"Aww, But I wanna watch them go boom..."

"FINE, FINE, BUT JUST THIS ONCE. AND STAND BACK - THAT'S A NEW TUNIC, AND I DON'T WANT IT TO GET SPOILED SO SOON."

>>7895430

You seriously think that the animated and bound skeleton of an 11-year old girl is gonna give a lich a run for his money?

>>7895439
I'd like to see the art for them

>>7895452
No, but she could totally break some of his valuable apparati or delicate fixtures before he dealt with her.

You know, I'm probably going to have skeleton warriors and liches in my game that have been subjected to Bone to Steel, making them tough as fuck.

>>7895430
Naw dude, Mr Lich-Rogers wouln't hurt no one, he's spent countless generations raising children into the finest adventurers, always reminding them to help others.

>>7895430
>1 small-sized skeleton
>Trash the dungeon/castle of a powerful lich

If his lair is so crappy then one skeleton can do that, then it deserves to be trashed. Besides, would you try to destroy the stuff of a guy who can basically do whatever he wants with your very soul?

>>7895493
Then I guess he wouldn't have to be dealing with a dead child, now would he?

A burst of sickly green right, and a cloud of brimstone heralded the arrival of the demon in the summoning circle. The runes scribed in the floor flared to life as they contained the creature within. Glowing eyes opened, taloned fingers extending through wisps of smoke.

"WHO HAS SUMMONED ME? SPEAK, ELSE I CONSUME YOUR SO-ooooohhh, Thazzy-baby! It's been AGES!"

Thazimmar looked upon the succubus with dispassion, his fleshly needs abandoned long ago. He dimly remembered the hunger she had inspired in him, as a mortal; but now it was nothing but an abstraction, dimly recalled. "Greetings again, Valla."

A hand wandered over her alabaster skin as she stood in the summoning circle. "Mmmmm...it's been far too long. I'd thought you would have no use for the likes of me, with this...new body of yours. Is it someone else, then? Some hapless wretch who needs my particular talents?"

"In a sense. You should have noticed, Valla, that I've placed a binding on your powers for the duration of this summoning."

"I was wondering about that. Surely you don't fear me..."

"No. But I must guarantee your restraint."

>>7895496
If someone's already done the worst to you, there's little to fear.

>>7895511
Of course he would! Accidents happen, and you should always take responsibility for your accidents. So, he would bring her back, only better!

>>7895496
>If his lair is so crappy then one skeleton can do that, then it deserves to be trashed.

I didn't say his lair, I said she could break SOMETHING. Liches aren't stupid enough to grant someone who harbors ill feeling toward them a great a boon as undeath. For fuck's sake, he KIDNAPPED her and KILLED her on accident! If that doesn't spell a contrived fantasy revenge plot, I don't know what the fuck does.

>Besides, would you try to destroy the stuff of a guy who can basically do whatever he wants with your very soul?

Uh, hi. We're talking about an 11-year-old girl?

>>7895459

Pretty stupid looking, but okay. Then again, all the stuff from that book was really goofy looking. It's strong suites were fluff and actually providing a challenge for epic-level adventurers.

The creature resembles an ephemeral humanoid silhouette of utter darkness, pierced only by motes of light where its eyes and teeth might otherwise be. Upon closer inspection these lights are precious stones set like tiny stars against a lonely night sky. What may once have been robes now drape like dark shadowy tendrils. Swiftly and silently it streaks towards you, like some deadly dark missile, seemingly devouring the light in its presence, an ominous sense of foreboding chills you to your very soul...

>>7895533
Are you fucking kidding me? Fine, your body is now a skeleton, but other than that things are normal. Now what he COULD do, is take your soul and send it directly the Plane of Eternal Torment. As in, horrendous pain and agony for all eternity.

I think that's a bit worse than having your body skeletonized.

>>7895529
"You try my patience as well." She sank to her knees, fingers wandering, arching her back langorously. "Shall we get to the business arrangements, then? What is it, some crusading paladin to defile? I do so adore the taste of paladin..."

Thazimmar crooked a finger, and a nearby partition slid aside. Behind it, the infant lay in its blackwood crib, thrashing its limbs about, squalling noiselessly beneath the Glyph of Silence. "I require diaper changing, Valla."

The succubus, for the first time, stopped her habitual writhing and stroking, looking at him blankly. Her voice become an unnatural, resonating bass "YOU MUST BE KIDDING ME."

"Cease your whining. You were female once. Arguably, you still are. Most of the time, anyway."

"THAT WAS SIX THOUSAND YEARS AGO. I DIED OF WHOREPOX AT THE AGE OF 15. YOU BASTARD."

"Be that as it may. You are female, you have been summoned, now you must do a female's work." He gestured toward the crib, impatiently. "I've dropped the inner binding circle, you may approach the child. And do hurry. I cannot smell it, thankfully, but this entire process is quite detrimental to my work."

>>7895555

Also, she's bound. As in, incapable of rebelling.

>>7895582

GLORIOUS

>>7895569
>>7895496
Actually, I'm not quite sure he'd be able to do anything with her soul unless he went looking for it (and angering some gods in the process). The spells that manipulate the souls of people only work when they're alive so since she's dead, all he can really do is cast Create Undead on her and hope hers is the soul that accepts the calling and not a random other one.

no one...?

>>7895569

You're already a skeleton. You got nothing left to torture. If you get sent to the lower planes, you're completely safe, considering none of the beings there can perceive or interact with souls... all the "tormented souls" there are evil petitioners who took that form upon death.

>>7895584
Right. But still enough free will to not be boring and creepy for the kid.

>>7895612

Awaken Undead from Libris Mortis summuns the soul of the deceased and binds it in their undead corpse. They are capable of thought and, should you fail to Control them, free will.

>>7895612
I think here the Rule of Cool comes into play. As in, ignoring the technical difficulty of binding a soul in the D&D system (I thought this was a generic fantasy setting anyway, so the limits to his power are fairly loose) because that would slow the story and really just be extraneous.

>>7895582

"Be that as it may. You are female, you have been summoned, now you must do a female's work. I command it." He gestured toward the crib, impatiently. "I've dropped the inner binding circle, you may approach the child. And do hurry. I cannot smell it, thankfully, but this entire process is quite detrimental to my work."

The succubus' face was wreathed in blue flames, her mouth a gaping, fanged maw, her rage leaving a scorch mark on the floor. "I AM THE DESPOILER OF KINGS, THE EMBODIMENT OF FORBIDDEN HUNGERS. I SINGLEHANDEDLY CONSUMED EVERY SOUL IN THE NUNNERY OF ABELAIS WITH A SINGLE UNHOLY ORGY. I DO NOT DO NAPPIES."

"Must you be so dramatic?"

"SOMEDAY, FOOL, YOU WILL SUFFER FOR THIS INSULT!" And with that, the succubus disappeared, leaving with a thunderous explosion which the room's wards automatically contained within a tiny pink sphere. Thazimmar threw up his skeletal hands, shambling over to the infant's chamber.

"And that seemed such a good idea! Of all the lazy demons..." He scratched his chin, bone grating on bone. "Hrrrm. Maybe Bigby's Hidden Tome has something...barmy fellow made an arse-wiping spell, surely he took time to whip up something for this."

>>7895529
>>7895582
MOAR
also grandpa-lich, sucubus nanny, djinn bodyguard, and imp, lantern archon, fire elemental as playfriends, this is a FUCK AWESOME childhood.

>>7895635
Okay. Still seems like an idiotic idea, though. The lich would be aware that the chances that the child would come to loath him and his grandchild for subjecting it to this "torture" would far outweigh the likelyhood that he and his grandchild would be forgiven and as the child would "grow older" it would continuously skirt the rules of its binding and cause as much calamity and mischief as it possibly can.

>>7895529
I need to start reading Order of the Stick again.

>>7895708
Dude. It's a comedy. Not srs bsns.

>>7895667
Soul binding, sure.
Inflicting pain on something without nerves is entering Rule of Stupid territory though.

>>7895708

Look, I didn't mean to start a whole thing with this. I just pulled that skeletonization line out of nowhere to illustrate how out-of-touch he is from reality. It was intended as a one-off joke, a bit of black humor. Nothing serious.

>>7895751
Fair enough.

The grandson of a lich? Damn, he's going to have access to some powerful spells, he is. But what I want to know is what class he'll take...

>>7895800
Fighter.

Seems silly now, but just wait until he joins his first adventuring party decked out in epic-level items from head to foot.

>>7895706

I kinda like the idea of Grandpa Lich tourist taking his young son around the planes, pointing to various exotic locales.

"That, son, in the Lake of Fire. Unrepentant souls of evil men are cast in and consumed before rising up as Lemures, the lowest form of devils."
"Aw, grandpa, why do you have to make all our trips educational?"

Needless to say, Grandpa Lich is wearing a hawaiian shirt, khaki shorts, and black socks and sandals.

>>7895827
Drawfaggotry needed on this. Now.

>>7895827
The kid would like the elemental plane of air most because infinitely falling would be FUCKING AWESOME AS A KID

>>7895827
They could visit uncle Djinn in his home city for a change!

>>7895817
His name is TORDEK. HE IS IN IT FOR THE BITCHES. Because he already has enough loot....

Grandpa lich makes me wish my grandfather's could live forever.

>>7895862

I bet he brags to all the local kids at school that his dad knows the Grand Caliph of the Palace of Ice and Steel. One saturday morning the kid brings a few friends over, all of whom are obviously scared shitless, and asks if pretty please they could come on our trip today too, I've been good all week, so why not?

>>7895850
Seconded

>>7895706
>>7895827
We need a drawfag NOW.

Bitch please, I'll take a sledgehammer over a finely tuned watch anyday!

can we archive this?

>>7895974

I'm surprised it hasn't been already.

Think about it.

>>7895950
"That's why I'm the butch, and you're the bitch, bitch."

The summoning circle behind Thazimmar made a soft popping sound of displaced air. He whirled about, finger raised to annihilate whichever interloper had appeard unsummoned-

"Oh! Ow! Aww, that hurts every time!" A different succubus, sitting flat on her rounded backside, wincing. She got to her feet a bit unsteadily, brushing off her meager kilt. She pushed her...spectacles?...up on her nose, peered through the hazy smoke at Thazimmar. "Oh! It's the client! I mean, uh, you! I mean, boss!" She gnawed her lip, stammering. "Howzitgo...uh...FOR WHAT FOUL PORPOISE HAVE YOU SUMMONED ME, MOR--wait. Did I say 'porpoise' again? Oh hells, I'm sorry, please don'tsendmebackdon'tsendmeback-"

If Thazimmar were capable of finding anything humorous anymore, this might have done the trick. As it was, he was merely suprised and a bit confused, which both fell under 'annoyed.' "Who are you, demon slut, and how did you come here unbidden?"

The succubus cringed. "Look, there's no need for that sort of...er, sorry. I am Petravazzidurramar. Um, but 'Petra' is fine. If you prefer brevity. Sir."

"...And?"

"Well, uh...so Valla came storming back... bitch....and she kicked up a big fuss about she's too important blah blah blah, but since you're a favored client and all, Sir, Miss Malcanthet decided you should be provided with someone more agreeable. Er, with a 40% discount. So...um...here I am."

>>7895896

Don't archive image dumps, faggot.

>>7895983
sea-lich with ship phylactery ?

>>7896004

Read the thread. It started as an image dump, but we got a new character and some excellent writefaggotry. This deserves to be archived.

>>7896015
alhoon

>>7896004
this has become far more than just an image dump

>>7896035
that's a mind-flayer lich

>>7896053
look at him

Alright, it's up as Grandpa Lich. Don't forget to upvote.

>>7895890

The funny thing is, Grandpa Lich really does know everyone. Used to be quite the traveler back in his day, a big mover-and-shaker, and didn't take charisma as his dump stat. Goes over to Demogorgan for billiards occasionally, hangs out with Bahamut to talk about how they used to have better dragons back in his day.

>>7896004
i'd hardly call 53 images an image dump.

>>7895998

"And why you, demon?"

"Well, um...that's kind of a funny story..." Her tail wrapped around one leg, bashfully. "Well, it was only my second assignment, right? And it was just this twelve-year-old kid, you know, a quick hump-and-devour sort of thing. But anyway, we get to talking, and he's such a sweet kid, and he was so in love with this chambermaid's daughter...so, um, I kind of helped out."

"Helped?"

"Uh huh. So Malcanthet, she wasn't so happy right? So it was either go back to the Slough of Despond for a century, or take this. So..here I am?"

"Can you...change a diaper?"

"Oh is that all?" The succubus glanced around, her flickering yellow eyes finally seizing upon the crib nearby. "Ooooohhh, a baby? I LOVE BABIES....come here, come here you little soul-spurt..." She swept into the next room, plucking up the child, making little smooching noises as she swept the remains of a dissected elf off of a nearby altar. "Who needs a nappy change? You need a nappy change! Ooohh, this is a stinky nappy..."

Confident things were well in hand, Thazimmar went back to his study. That disguised Belt of Gender Change wasn't going to enchant itself.

>>7896138

This just keeps getting better and better.

>>7896138
>succubus sent to target
>twelve-year-old kid

So the people who assign these things are into straight shota?

>>7896182

They're succubi. They're into EVERYTHING.

>>7896182

People married and had sex earlier back in pseudo-medieval times. Alternatively, the people who assign these things are into strait shota.

>>7896138
>swept the remains of a dissected elf off of a nearby altar

Nice touch.

>>7896208
I find the latter to be much funnier.

If you're having kid troubles I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but a lich ain't one.

>>7896138

SHE JUST KILLED THE BABY! SUCCUBUS KISSES CAUSE ENERGY DRAIN!

>>7896138
>disguised Belt of Gender Change
i love making those things to use on new party members as pranks

>>7896138
CONTINUE.

>>7896440
they can control that

>>7896442

are you the guy that dmed that one game i played in where you always shoehorned in your transformation fetish? if so, fuck you

chick lich. I still hit it.

>>7896485

Welcome to the club.

>>7895817

His son should be a Paladin.

>>7896517
That's what my barbarian says before he swings a stick at people

>>7896568
Would be funny if he was utterly unremarkable except for the fact he was raised by a lich and has the best gear at his disposal. Straight 12's warrior is now going to make the world his bitch.

Colored version following.

>>7896620

>>7896602

Yeah, but you can't spend your whole life being raised by a veritable nexus of magical power, constantly absorbing the vilest evils and the grandest goods the multiverse has to offer without turning into some sort of badass.

>>7896602
Straight 12's is still not unremarkable. That'd be straight 10's and 11's, or a 12/13 or two balanced out with a 8/9 or two.

Not SUPER HEROIC STRENGTH/WITS/TOUGHNESS material, but straight 12's is still someone who's naturally a cut above the normal person in everything they do.

>>7896679

like, say, just as a rough approximation, 5% better?

Rule 34. Lets get some lich titties up in here

>>7896679
normal person is 3d6 6 times. An "average person" is rare in the extreme. A person with a stat of 18 isn't anywhere near the best in the world, just the best in a pop of 316.

>>7894325
Is he wearing a lab coat?

There were some badass drawings of liches/wights in the old WHFB undead codex, the one from before they had vampire counts.

>>7896679
OK, so... how 'bout moderately above average man is going to make the world his bitch?

>>7896767
nope that's just a white robe

>>7893173
Here, have a better resolution.

I still say arcane trickster. His grandpa's arcane talents combined with his own knack for getting into trouble.

>>7896728
>>7896679
>>7896656
>>7896602
He would have average stats besides intelligence which should be at least 14-15, you don't get raised by someone of godlike genius without picking things up.

Wisdom might be reasonably high to represent the fact that he would shrug off things that send normal folks screaming in horror, probably some non-sexual/non-vile version of Lich Loved and a big bonus to fear based effects.

In 1st/ ED terms he's have a high comeliness representing very high class clothing and being groomed daily by a succubus however actual charisma would be pretty bad due to lack of normal conversation.

He's a half decent looking nerd in other words.

Also him not being able to cast at the very least cantrips is absurd, you probably pick up spellcraft just by engaging in small talk with a Lich after a few weeks.

>>7896971

That picture's kind of dated by today's standards, but it does make most fantasy vampires look like sparkly faggots. Seriously, you don't fuck with those liches.

>>7896985
Note the plate mail and note the era, its a convention of cleric liches.

Also the Djinn should totally be like a brock samson kind of character, except less over-the-top violent. Sworn to the Lich's service and is devoted to protecting the kid.

>>7896999

Looks like splint mail at most to me. Anyone have a picture of a lich in full plate?

>>7896784

BECAUSE A LEVEL X COMMONER WITH A LEVEL Y FIGHTER'S GEAR IS GOING TO RAPE A LEVEL Y FIGHTER WITH LEVEL X GEAR STUPID.

EXTRAPOLATE THIS TO THE ENTIRETY OF A LEVEL Y CHARACTER'S BUDGET (THE LICH) ON THE NEWBIE (HIS GRANDCHILD).

>>7896784

That's just silly. You know what would happen to a level one character armed with artifacts? Moderately high level adventurers would descend upon him like a horde of locusts.

>>7897013
No but have some delicious Soth.

>>7896999
>>7897013
The problem with the look is that it was for a Lankhmar sourcebook.

They're not liches.

>>7897009

Sure. Gregarious and questionably alcoholic with a soft spot for the kid.

>>7897092
he would start with the best stuff. but every time he lvls up he goes somewhere and comes back with the best stuff for his lvl. just goes to his grandpas armory every time.

>>7897160
Explain?

>>7897171
gah! meant wouldn't.

>>7897172
They're the dreaded true gods of Lankhmar. They're mummified ancestors of the people of Lankhmar. They probably influenced the creation of liches for D&D, but the picture wasn't originally for that purpose.

>>7897013
Mask of Winters ought to suffice.

Between second and third edition I had a lich as a NPC. Chaotic Neutral, but rarely acted overly insane most of the time. Often dragged the PCs into plots to mess with the deities just because he wanted to troll them.

He had no ambitions of his own really, sort of just chilling the time he's not fucking with the gods.

Other times he simply believes he's still alive. Often goes to a bar for a drink, usually as often scaring the rest of the people away and leaving a puddle on the ground. As a lark the PCs tried to get him a girlfriend once. It so did not turn out well.

On the other hand he nearly total party killed the group once and then later subjected one of them to demented stuff found on /d/ for managing to piss him off.

>>7896985
Fuck yeah. These are the fuckin living dead, not some angsty teen

>>7897092
>>7897160
They are Ancient Gods whose remains dwell there. Basically they ignore anything unless serious shit (tm) threatens then they come out and beat the everliving shit out of whatever the problem is.

They may have Undead traits but are basically divine super beings, a half decent comparison would be a God like Mellifleur who LOOKS and acts like a Lich but isn't really.

>>7897243

I like Exalted, but the deathlords.... just don't have that same 'I am EVIL! Witness my dark glory and despair!' kind of feel to them - primarily because they're all nuts.

As far as that picture from the Lankhmar adventure goes, is it responsible for the 'Liches wear crowns and chainmail coifs all the time' trope? Because I could totally imagine having Grampa Lich having such attire that he only wears on formal occasions.

>>7897265
To be honest though, Mellifleur was previously a lich.

>>7897313

Like his daughter's wedding. Jesus, imagine the afterparty.

"So, Mister the Rape of Worlds, what do you do for a living?"
"I PLUMB THE DEPTHS OF MAGIC AND SEE THINGS THAT SHOULD NOT BE SEEN."
"Oh, my Freddie does the same. How'd you get into it?"

>>7897362

And he can't enjoy any of the booze or food at his own daughter's wedding, either... awwww. Though I imagine him as a surprisingly competent dancer, in an old-fashioned sort of way.

>>7897350
No, Mellifleur never was a Lich. He was trying to become one and botched/rolled a natural 20/both the ritual and ACCIDENTALLY became a god instead.

It's why he doesn't have normal followers and has to fight other evil gods, half a dozen of them were using a multi0-sphere celestial conjunction to raise their respective favorite followers into demi gods. Mellifleur inadvertently timed his Lichdom ritual at that exact moment, stealing all their power, ruining their favorite followers and elevating himself to divine status in one absurdly glorious moment of multi-dimensional trolling.


Hmmm....

Shit, /r/ing a drawfag to shoop a Mellifleur "Problem Deities? Trollface JPG.

>>7897445

Wow. Yeah, he trolled them pretty hard.

I dunno why, but I can never think of liches seriously. They've been alive longer than most worlds have, they're slightly crazy, they're hyper-intelligent, and they're bored out of their skulls. At some point, every lich says "Fuck it all," and becomes a massive troll. It's the only way they can keep going after a certain point.

>>7897445
>No, Mellifleur never was a Lich. He was trying to become one and botched/rolled a natural 20/both the ritual and ACCIDENTALLY became a god instead.

Powers & Pantheons describes him discovering a secret method created by Talos for becoming a demigod. Pretty much the ritual was redoing the 'lichification' to become a servant of Talos.

>>7897502

Wikipedia sez:

Mellifleur was once a mortal wizard (or, as some rumors state, a yugoloth wizard) who performed the rites to make himself a lich. Due to an unforeseen conjunction of the spheres, Mellifleur's ritual tapped into divine forces sent by Nerull, who was, at that precise moment, endeavoring to elevate one of his servants to divinity. Somehow, Mellifleur's magic diverted this power into himself; thus Mellifleur became both a lich and a god in the place of Nerull's favored minion.

The illithids, who seem to know much that is hidden from others, tell a somewhat different story. They claim that Mellifleur interrupted not just one such apotheosis, but many, thus usurping the ascension of many gods on many different worlds. They say that, because of this, Mellifleur became not just a demigod but a lesser god in one unexpected surge of power. This forces Mellifleur to oppose the machinations of many outraged gods of evil.

Don't know how accurate it is, though.

>>7897516
I don't know. There easily could have been a retcon. That, and he's listed under an alias in P&P.

>>7897459
Also he maintains his power by ruining their plans, something he does so well each world has at least one Good aligned God helping him.

He does not have followers, he increases his power by helping mortal become Liches, the power used is drained from the Evil Gods who accidentally created him and he keeps a portion. Without normal followers his usual method of action is to just show up and wreak everything out of the blue like a divine undead assassin then disappear.

As he's managed to populate an entire city Gehenna with Liches he's helped create i assume any really serious threat gets dealt with by a Lich Army.

>>7897569

I can't be the only one who thought of the Kool-Aid man. Bursts through walls with an "OH YEAH" then fucks shit up.

>>7897516
i like this god

>>7897516
>>7897564
Mellifleur's fluff (and his clerics abilities) are all over the place, ranging from "Kinda cool" to "fucking awesome" with several glaring contradictions. There's also a version where he fucked up Kyuss.

Given his meta fluff it's possible that every version is true and he individually fucked over all those Gods deliberately on one massive orgy of just as planned.

I use him as well as 2 other GMs i play with, we always go with whatever version seems the most awesome with one hard exception: The version of his clerics that equates them with Velsharoon is strictly off limits as the class is insanely overpowered.

>>7897730

Why are Velsharoon's clerics insanely overpowered? You know, apart from being clerics.

>>7897671
In my campaign He faced down a Avatar of Bane and after a brief fight got his Avatar beat up pretty bad. His Avatar disappeared and Bane made a little speech for a few moments before Mellifleur's avatar popped back in after a quick reversed heal spell and a contingency.

Bane then mocks him pointing out that as a greater God Mellifleur could never beat his Avatar one on one.

Mellifleur then laughed in his face saying "then good for me you are only the god of one world' as A DOZEN of his Avatars plane shifted in, every one of Mellifleur's Avatars across the various worlds he had influence in jumping in.

Our GM described the fight as "remember Agent Smith's big fight scene from the Matrix? Imagine that but he wins and instead of smith it's liches everywhere"

>>7897821
because their god is awesome

>>7897885
Fuck Yeah

>>7897821
Absurd granted abilities. A new spell like granted ability for almost every level, wizard spells, can use wizard items, full standard cleric weapons and armor, command undead bonuses, ect.

Mellifleur's "reasonable" clerics are far more tame: command undead, wizard weapon/armor choices only, cast necromancy wizard spells as cleric spells and dual classes as wizard freely.

>>7897671
Standing up in a side car on Doom Riders bike no less, blasting lightning bolts and spheres of Annihilation left and right while Doom Rider rocks out with a bass guitar shouting HE DID COCAINE!!!