"WAKE UP YA GIT"

The herda grumbles in his sleep for a moment before shakin' himself awake. "Wot, wot! Wot do you want ya? Tryin' ta da get sum booty sleep!"

"Oy! Quit yer muckin' about! I gotz sum biznizz wid' ya'z!"

"GET ME DA MEANEST SQUIG YA CAN FIND YA MEASLY GROT"

so orks sound a lot like chavs?

>>8854123
They were originally a parody of of English football hooligans, so yes.

The herda gets up and grabs his proddy stick. "Wot sorta bizniss? Itz da middle of da zoggin' night!"

Giv 'im a coupla teef to keep him lookin' da uvver way.

"I wanna foight a squig, runt"

"My squigs ain't for wrestlin', ya git! You haz a killy klaw, you'll just mash 'em up! Dese squigs is my own and I care fer 'em like...a dead good choppa! Besides, with most of my grots havin' run off I can't afford to risk one of my squigs. " the Herda pets his guard squig affectionately, smacking it when it snaps at his fingers. He scowled at it. "Tell ya wot tho, boy, I'll sell ya Teefany 'ere if you find my grots. Or sum uvver git's grots, hurhur. No usin' ya klaw tho, gottit?"

>>8854199

This is why I browse /tg/

Oh boy a fetch quest! Its like I'm really playing an MMO!

"why dunt ya find ya own grotz? whut kinda ork are ya?"

rolled 59 = 59

>>8854199
we have spares, last i checked. give him two of ours. seems a fair trade.

"Da kinda ork wiv 'sponsabilities, datz why! I've gotta train up all deze squigz good and proppa for the Waaagh against the blue gits. And if I don't get my grots back I won't be able to spare wunna my squigs for you to krump on. Do ya wanna squig to wrestle or not, ya git?"

>>8854199
FINE, FINE, I'll get ya yer mangy grotz. I may end up krumpin one or two o' dem first, fer da trouble.

Can we just give him some of the Mekboy's grots?

Alternatively, look for the nearest Runtherd and kill him, then steal da grots.

>>8854293
You could, but the Gutwort wanted them for helping with fixing your karts. He made it pretty clear he needed slaves if he was going to join your mob.

Finding another runtherd would work, but they would have a buncha guard squigs and weapons themselves.

Waiting for consensus.

rolled 12 = 12

>>8854320
bash up a runtherd.

>>8854320

Well, they should be asleep too. Now's our chance to be ded sneeky like dem kommando gits, only we'ze more kunnin', see?

rolled 100 = 100

>>8854333
this

>>8854338

Clearly Gork and Mork support my proposed venture.

>>8854363
>>8854333
>>8854338

consensus

Smash up a runtherd.

You're annoyed at not getting to squig wrestle as soon as you wanted, but sneakin' around and thievin' seems like a good idea too. You simply grunt at the herda that you'll be back with some gretchen soon.

The herda looks pleased with himself and sits back down in his rockin' chair, obviously eager to get his remaining 20 winkz. "Thatza good 'un! Dunno where deyd be tho. When they left they stole a bunch prodda sticks and talked about squeaked 'bout leavin' the camp, but I don't fink they'd have the gutz for it. If deyz anywhere it'll be hidin' around the mek shops, I reckon. Lotsa hidey spots dere, work izzint as 'ard. Lazy grots, ar' da oiler wunz..." he says, quickly falling asleep again mid sentence. Apparently he thinks that you're going to find his particular gretchen, but like he said before, any will do.

You leave the herda and go wandering again, trying to find another squig pit to sneak into. It takes awhile of sloggin' about. Goff herdas seem to keep away from each other, and have a nasty habit of putting their pits in obscure nooks. Soon though, you see what you're looking for. Big fenced up area full of squabbling squigs, and hardly any guard squigs chained up. You can't see if there is a herda around.

How do you approach?

rolled 52 = 52

>>8854384
stealthy like. silent. kunnin.

>>8854384

Wait, I thought we were going to find and krump a runtherda, not a squigherda.

>>8854404
They tend to be one and the same, I think

rolled 80 = 80

WAAAAAAAGH!!!

(Was a typo. Guess I should clarify. Where it says squig it should say gretchen. They're fenced up in a lower area, and there are guard squigs outside. My bad, yeah.)

Kunnin it is. You drop down on the ground and roll around in the muck for a bit to get some good kamo on you, then start sneaking towards the fences. The squigs are snapping at each other somewhat loudly, but don't seem to have noticed you yet.

You look around for a quiet area and then leg it up to the fence, climbing over it and dropping down on the other side. The runts are mostly asleep under tiny shacks made out of scrap. You don't have anything to bundle them up with, but hopefully you will think of something. How do you collect them?

All sneaky like.

rolled 30 = 30

>>8854455
PANTS!!!

rolled 91 = 91

>>8854467
this

"Heh, 'derez no need for that, we woz just fed up wiv gettin' fed to the squigs. If you take uz back we will just get eaten up! How 'bout if we follow you and call you Boss? We're good at growin' stuff, and fixin' gubbinz. How 'bout it?"


You look around. Where's a big bag when you need one? Plenty of gretchen for the taking, but you will need about ten to please the squig herda. Lots more lookin' and thinkin', then you finally have a brainwave - pants! You've got a zoggin great lot of pockets, and you could even stuff em down your front if you needed. You have big stompy boots on so it's not like they could fall out the bottom.

You crouch down and shuffle over to the nearest snack, then get on your knees and look inside. A pile of 'em for the taking! You reach in with your non-klawed hand and grab hold of a pair yanking them out and stuffing them down your pants. The others are woken up by this though, and are scrambling and biting and yelping. Better be quick.

rolled 82 = 82

f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5f5...

rolled 16 = 16

>>8854547
rollan for quickness...

rolled 18 = 18

steal fasta!

rolled 52 = 52

gogogogogogogogogogo

rolled 86 = 86

>>8854547
Stuff dem fasta!

rolled 38 = 38

>>8854581
>>8854574
>>8854585
i think weze not stuffed fast enough

The gretchen in your pants keep squirming and scratching, so you punch him gentle like to keep 'em from moving too much and try to grab for the grots now scurrying through your legs. You manage to grab one and another with your klaw, but your rush has popped its head off.

The squigs outside the fence can tell something is wrong. They're squaking and barking and more grots waking up isn't helping things. If they have anything even remotely weapon like, it's possible that you might end up getting swarmed by them.

You stuff the third down the back of your pants and waddle towards some of the fleeing ones, grabbing a fourth and fifth. You can either try for more or leg it with what you've got.

rolled 73 = 73

>>8854648
Leg it. Hit up another grotherd later.

rolled 46 = 46

>>8854648
I think we've got enough, we can grab some more elsewhere later if need be.

rolled 79 = 79

>>8854648
Time ta leg it!

It's dead 'ard to run with your 'eavy armor and runts down your pants, but you manage to hop up over the fence by climbing on top of a semi-stuff grot shack first. When you land on the other side, you feel a crunch and mashed grot oozing down your leg. Oops.

To make matters worse, one of the guard squigs has spotted you and is intent on biting your head off. You stumble up and check for your slugga. It's there. What do?

rolled 20 = 20

>>8854730
Zog it, reach down your pants and chuck a grot at the guard squig, that might distract it.

rolled 13 = 13

Spray the squig with dakka while we leg it.

rolled 69 = 69

>>8854742
Give the Squiq a taste of da Klaw

rolled 9 = 9

>>8854742
Fuck, why be so coy. we are doing this so we can wrestle a damn squig. LETS WRESTLE, THE DAMN SQUIG. let the grots stay where they are. Extra Armour.

>>8854752
>>8854773
>>8854786
...this could go badly

dice+1d100
RIDE THE SQUIG

rolled 70 = 70

>>8854777
Waaaggh!

It's awful bitey lookin' and dead fast too. You don't fink you're fast enuff for it and reach for one of the semi-mangled grots down your pants and throw it as a distraction. The grot misses the squig and splats on a rock further away.

You reach for your slugga and start legging back where you came from but you're too slow. The squig hops and tackles you, digging it's needle-teeth into your backside.

Yelping in pain, you spin around trying to shake it off. It's not budging.

rolled 90 = 90

>>8854777
this

rolled 45 = 45

>>8854824
>>8854826
Klawin' time!

rolled 59 = 59

>>8854824
krump dat squig!

i gtg to bed...

/tg/ i'm trusting you...

ARCHIVE THIS SHIT
NO MUCKIN ABOUT

Ah, zoggit! It may be a lot nastier than the type of squig you intended to wrestle, but needs must and if you didn't knock it off you'll be missin' a big chunk of what you sit on.

Your klaw hisses and you reach try to bat the squig with it. It's awkward and difficult to get a good thump in with it squirming and gnawing though.

Then you feel your klaw connect the squig's stomach bursts open, filling the air with the mixed stench of sizzled flesh and boiling vomit.

You stomp around for a bit and try to get a look at your wounds. Your backside has a big chunk missing and you're bleedin', but you ain't dead yet. The grots stuffed down your pants, however, are undoubtedly thoroughly squished.

Your mission a failure, you leg it away before another squig can come. Where do you go now?

rolled 36 = 36

>>8854930
BIONIK ARSE

rolled 16 = 16

All this muckin about and sneakin. YOU ARE A GOFF not a Blood axe.

1. Get back in the yard.
2. Krump the herder and anyone who opposes you.
3. Get the zoggin grots and take them to the squigherder.

rolled 36 = 36

>>8854930
Find sum weedy gits an' get sum teef by krumpin' dem gud

rolled 75 = 75

>>8854930
Find a sack or something, go hunt for another git with grots he doesn't need. Remember to get a metal assplate later to protect from future sneaky squig attacks.

>>8854977
Seconded!

>>8854965
Also seconded!

I will summarise things so far to help you decide.

It's almost dawn and the camp is waking up again, so there will be a lot more Orkz about. You've failed in getting the gretchen, but you've technically achieved your goal of wrestling a squig. Your followers are hanging around the mekboy workshop with Gutwort, who is still working on your mega armor.

Your Stuff
-6G of teef
-Chompy iron gob
-Slugga
-Power Klaw
-'eavy armor

Loot
-10 Eviscerators
-Extra fast Killy Kart. Fits 4. Rokkit Launcha.
-2 burny tanks. One is reinforced. Fits 6 each.
-1 shooty tank. Reinforced. Fits 6.
-One girlynaught (being converted to Mega Armor)

Followers
-Grotlikka. Has a power klaw. Ever so slightly cowardly for an Ork, but very loyal.
-Gutwort. Mekboy. Not yet proven loyal, but says he is talented with dakka and karts.
-11 boyz armed with burnas.
-20 grots.

rolled 100 = 100

>>8855004
steal some yoofs teef.

>>8855017
this should be good

>>8855017
seconding

>>8855017
Let's get it on!

[Figure I should point out that by 6G I mean six gobz worth, or about 120-150 teef. Your buggy cost 2 or 3 gobz and a squig pie is like 2 teef.]

Your arse is sorer than your head woz when you landed on that 'umie tank, and if you thort Gork had sumfin to do wiv your bad luck, you'd probably be tempted to krump him one. Not able to do that, you wander back towards the mekshop on the lookout for any wimpy lookin' boys on the way to take your frustration out on.

Not far from the shop you see one muckin' about with a pair of sluggas. You stomp up behind him knock his head in with your meaty fist. He goes down like a light, and you scoop up the few teef that fell out. Seems like he has already lost a lot.

>>8855124
I say we round up some more boyz, and go find more humies to krump, we need more loot.

>>8855124
take his sluggas

rolled 1 = 1

>>8855124
More Boyz, Mekanikal Arse, Krump Humies. That Order.

rolled 99 = 99

>>8855209
seconded

>>8855190
also seconded

Rustle up a few of the ladz and go back to the runtherd place. Kill the guard squigs and the runtherd if he's stupid enough to oppose us. Take ALL the Grotz from the pen.

rolled 21 = 21

We's need moar boyz if we wanna WAAAGH! Let's take da boy we just krumped.

>>8855209
FIRDED!

rolled 59 = 59

>>8855209
Forfed

Giving him another kick in the 'ead just for fun, you knick his pair of sluggas and head to the mekshop.

Gutwort is supervising his gretchen welding up some job for annuvver Ork when you arrive there. You cackle a bit and hold your klaw in the air for 'im to see.

"Lookin' dead killy, that. Now da boyz shouldn't fink anyfing about Grotlikka havin' betta gear. Take it clobberin' the nob was roit?"

You tell him the story of your night, leaving out all the stompin' the nob did and throwing in something about how the squig you wrestled with in the end being as big as a wartrukk. Gutwort doesn't look convinced, and starts cackling when he sees your arse bite.

"Hurhur Boss, looks like he gave you a good 'un. You gunna see a Dok bout dat?"

>>8855317
We already got to wrestle a squig like we wanted. Who cares about the grots now?

rolled 81 = 81

>>8855353
We's gonna go see a Dok and hope to get 'im on our side!

>>8855373

"Betta to get 'im to givya a backside first, hurhur. Doks 'round 'ere is mental anywayz. The only good wunz are up on in the Waaaghzone with da Warboss. Gunna have to go for wunna dem nutters who use zoggin' great hurty syringes, dats wot." Gutwort says

>>8855373
This.

>>8855418
We'll krump em gud if they mess with us.

rolled 33 = 33

>>8855353
Ok Then, Mekanikal Arse, More Boyz, Krump Humies.

>proper spelling
>proper punctuation
>proper capitalization
>only one person is demanding things in capslock

Something doesn't feel right.

rolled 1 = 1

>>8855487
WAAAAAAAGH MEK UP ME ARSE DEN LETS FIND SUM BOYZ TA KRUMP DEM BURNA HUMIES. DEY IS GOOD LOOT DEY IS.

Consensus is what?

>>8855512
KRUMP HUMIES

>>8855418

Eh, we'ze gonna 'ave to settle fer a metal arse fer now. Rustle up da boyz, let's get back ta dat runtherd and klobber 'im a new one.

>>8855510
Oh wow.

rolled 96 = 96

>>8855512
TOO MANY WORD BITZ IZ WHAT CONSENZUS IZ

>>8855516
>>8855515
>>8855510
You can understand my confusion.

Metal arse.
Get boyz.
Krump humiez.
Dis will be a most fu'fillin' day.

>>8855510
this
>>8855530
get your arse covered in metal, recruit the doc, recruit some boyz, then kill some humies

>>8855568

Seconding this, OP-bawse.

[Zoggit. I'm just moving this along a bit. You guys are pulling in three different directions at once]

"Well Boss, I could givya a cybork arse if ya want. Wudunt be comfy, but if ya get chomped on dere again the squig'll break 'is teef."

It only takes a couple hours to fix it up, and with a new pair of pants you can 'ardly tell it's there. By now it's proper mornin' time and most of your boyz are awake, while the semi-nocturnal Gutwort has went to have his nap in the back of the shop. You go find Grotlikka and ask him wot happened while you were gone, and he explains that the boyz have mostly been fightan, eatan and snoozin' like always. A bunch of yoofs that the nobz didn't notice also wandered by your parked up karts and your boyz krumped 'em all told 'em that they're now part of the mob.

[+6 semi-weedy boyz. They have shootas.]

You ask Grotlikka what you can get up to now. He reminds you of your earlier plan of seekin' out a 'umie base, and that with all your vehicles you might just have a chance of doing it now.

Wait when did we get our armor? Wasnt that supposed to take time?

Also where are the jump packs on our armor this injustice will not stand.

>>8855661
Mega armor is dead komplicated to make. It will be like, another two days. Jet packs might be found in the 'umie base, but most dead good equipment is sent straight to the waaaghzone to fight the blue gits.

rolled 87 = 87

>>8855626
WAAAAAAAAGH DA HUMIE BASE!!!!

>>8855626
Well we gotz enuff wheelz to take on da humiez, but I remain to be convinced dat we gotz enuff boyz. Course we could go wiv a subsit..anuvver fing.

I say we go see dat squigherd wot we stole the grotz from, buy some a dose nasty blighters, den puts 'em in cages on da wagons. Den when we getz up near da humies, we letz 'em out. Should be good for a larf.

>>8855703

Don't tink we'ze got da teef fer dat. Dat's why I sez we should krump dat herda and take 'is squigs. And 'is teef, too.

>>8855718
Dat might be good fer a larf too, hurrhurr.

rolled 56 = 56

>>8855689
WAAAAAAAARGGGGHH!

>>8855626
ALL ROIT LETS GET STUCK IN

BOYZ, I WANTS TER HAVE A WORDS WITH YER!

WE'Z THE GOFF CLAN! WE'Z SUPPOZ'D TA SMASH ANYONE IN OUR WAY!

WELL I DON'T T'INK DOZE HUMIES ARE GOOD FIGHTERS! WE'Z DON'T NEED TO EVEN NEED TA SHOW EM HOW GOOD WE CAN USE OUR CHOPPAS! WE'S GONNA SHOOT EM UP FIRST, T'EN ONLY THE ONES WORTH CHOPPIN' ARE GONNA BE LEFT!

SHOOT 'EM WHILE STANDIN'! SHOOT 'EM WHILE CHARGIN'! SHOT EM EVEN IF YER ON THE FLOOR BLEEDIN YA GREEN GUTS OUT!

AND IF THEY EVER GET CLOSE ENOUGH? SHOOT EM WHILE CHOPPIN' EM!

MORE DAKKA, BOYZ! MORE DAKKA! LET'S GO CRUMP SOME 'UMIEZ!

rolled 25 = 25

>>8855718
'Dis, we's needs all da help we can get.

rolled 63 = 63

>>8855718
hurrhurr Dis DEN

rolled 58 = 58

>>8855738
WAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!! (thats ork for yes)

Hm. Would it be a good idea to do a driveby of a mob of boyz of nobs in vehicles, then lure them towards a base as they chase us? It'd be a good three-way fight, that's for sure.

rolled 64 = 64

>>8855816
We should probably find a humie base first. No point in getting nobs chasing us before that.

You discuss the plans to attack the 'umie base with Grotlikka, going over the boyz and karts at your disposal. If the 'umie base is big it'll be all but impossible to take it on, but you might find a small outpost. Even then, you're looking at at least four times as many troops as you have faced before. Either you need to up your brutality or your kunnin, and after your attempt at sneaking into the gretchen pen backfired so badly, it seems that your kunnin is running low at the moment.

Your mind goes back to the squig herda you found originally though. Wiv da boyz you could just go and demand a buncha squigz, afterall. Or if you want to avoid annoying the camp even more, you could pay for some squigz with your bags of teef. Either way, you tell a bunch of your boys to follow you back to the squig herda's dump and find him awake this time, throwing scraps into a pit.

He notices you and turns around. "Oi, what happened to findin' my gretchen den?"

rolled 12 = 12

>>8855855
Bein' orky is annoyin' da camp? Dey ain't being orky at all then! Tell da herda we'll pay him teef anyways for his grots.

rolled 79 = 79

>>8855855
"Dems got squished is wot. Now den, i wanna buy your squigs. Heres two bags of teef, for all of dem. If you dont like it, me an me boyz dont like you, right?

rolled 6 = 6

>>8855879
Zog me my 'ead hurts from all dat squig jouice last noit. Who are you? Ah fergerrabout i', gimme yer best squigs!

(pay in teef)

The herda slaps his knee and wags his finger at you. "Now curmofit, two gobz a' teef for all my squigs? Teefany 'erz worth two gobz on 'er own." his red, impossibly-fanged guard squig hopped squeaked loudly and gnashed menacingly. "Well, maybe not ifya want 'im to sit on ya knee or nuffin'. What sorta squigs ya want anyway? Sure we can sortit out."

rolled 57 = 57

>>8855974
We'z want lotsa young'uns. Fast buggers with some bite.

rolled 77 = 77

>>8855988
'Dis, an mebbe a guard squig fer our own.

Fast buggers with some bite. Fast buggers with some bite.

rolled 67 = 67

>>8855988
dis

>>8856010
Oi boss! diz 'un 'ere is all humie talky like! Maybe it's a 'umie kommando!

>>8856039
iz you kuzin' me o bein' a 'umie?

"Tell ya boyz ta stop squabblin'. I fink I got the idea of wot you want. Derez a bunch of bitey scratchey squigs out back. All of 'um are red and hoppy and scratchy. Eight of 'emI could givya for...50 teef. Or I gotta buncha blue wunz with hornz and spikey bits. Nasty and big. 20 teef each."

all da red and hoppy wif a few blue n' spiky!!

rolled 82 = 82

(How many teef in a gob's worf? I'm thinkin a bunch of' the red ones and one blue git ta keep the others in line)

>>8856083
Ya git! of course I'm 'kuzin you of bein 'umie! You are all umie speakin! You must be a 'umie! Imma krump ya 'umie face!

>>8856122

Zog, 'ow many squigs can we get wit' only 6 gobz o' teef?

Say we spend 'em all on dem blue squigs, 'ow many can we get?

>>8856158
i fink you iz da 'umie kuzin' inocent orkz youz need a right good krumpin youz do

You tell the herda that you've got six gobz of teef to spend and, being better with sums then most Orkz (cost of having so many squigs all the time), he quickly figures fings. "Roit. About twenny-five teef to a gob, you have six gobz so...150 teef you got, more or less. Enuff for sixteen red wunz and 2 bluez."

>>8856208

Zog dat, I'ze not good at countin'! Tell ya wot, how'ze about twenty red unz and one blue un, 'ow's dat sound?

>>8856206
Don't ya try yer backwerds pyhs...pchys...yer cunnin on me ya 'umie! Gork (or wuzzit mork?) 'll help me krump ya!

rolled 5 = 5

>>8856229
20 red and one blue git sounds roit. We need da fast'tak options.

>>8856244
we'll see oo be doin' da krumpin' when i putz my choppa in ya gutz and my fit in ya gob

"Dunno if I have twenny red wunz, might have to give ya a few orange too. They're like the red wunz but wiv quillz down dere baks. Will charga ya the same tho. That'll be..." he pauses for a moment, his talent for sumz challenged. "Dats 145 teef. But hey, coz I like ya letz callit 5 gobz."

rolled 25 = 25

>>8856285
roit. dats sum good shoppin. lets get the meks to make sum kages

>>8856285

Datz a good deal, dat iz. I tink we should buy dis git a squig pie after we'ze done lootin' da 'umie camp.

>>8856280
I'll krump ya with ma choppa 'umie!

rolled 88 = 88

>>8856325
oi, no dice git. "dice+1d100" goes inda email field WIVOUT DA PUNKCHEWASHUN

rolled 93 = 93

All right. We've got squigs (let's just assume we got cages for the sake of it to speed things up. Lets shove the cages on the tanks, then GET ROLLING.

The herda takes your gobz of teef, apparently not too concerned about sparing the squigs afterall. It's possible that he just wanted someone to do sum fetchan for him, but the good deal on the squigz should make up for any sneakiness last night.

The squigs aleady come in cages that you tell your boyz to carry back to the mekshop. The red & orange wunz are stuffed in tiny cages fitting four of 'em at a time, while the blue wun is all by himself but with no more space for moving. Good thing too, really, since it will make them extra nasty when you let them out.

When you get back the squigz are loaded into your reinforced skorcha tank and the boyz gathered up. Is there anything else to sort out before finding a 'umie base?

rolled 3 = 3

>>8856423
We betta round up some more yoofs if we can, otha than that, its WAAAAAAAAGH.

rolled 46 = 46

>>8856456
Give out a shout.

OI, ANY OF YOU LOT WANT IN ON A RAID? WE'Z GONNA SMASH UP A HUMIE BASE!

rolled 17 = 17

>>8856482
secunded

>>8856456
>>8856482
>>8856502

All of dese. More boyz means more choppy, more shooty, and more teef fer us once da fightin's all done.

gettin a squig pie might not be a bad idea

rolled 11 = 11

>>8856556
But we jus' BOUGHT a buncha squigs!

rolled 37 = 37

>>8856526
MOAR BOYZ!!!!

We gon need moar boyz for dis waaagh!

>>8856577
we still got a gob left, ya git!

You ask your boyz if any more yoofs have turned up in the area and they tell you that it's been pretty quiet 'cept for the trukks rolling in for the meks to fix. Annoyed, you yell at some of the Orkz haggling for dakka and tell 'em that you're lookin' to smash some 'umies. They seem unconvinced. Gutwort is still snoozin' somewhere inside the workshop, and none of his gretchen will be able to get away from their jobs in the shop. Looks like it's just your boyz, squigs and karts.

Your boyz have mostly run out of burna fuel since they got the weapons and have taken the eviscerators as their weapons instead. Arguably, this will be more useful since there will probably be a lot of vehicles to deal with.

Your mob consists of:

-Extra fast Killy Kart. Fits 4. Rokkit Launcha.
-2 skorcha tanks. One is reinforced. Fits 6 each.
-1 twin-linked big shoota tank. Reinforced. Fits 6.
-Grotlikka. Has a power klaw.
-5 boyz with burnas
-6 boyz with eviscerators
-6 yoofs with shootas.

Which direction do head out to? South west was where you first encountered the 'umies, but straight south you got ambushed.

south west

rolled 88 = 88

>>8856613
straight souf. dey gots sumfin dey want guarded down dere. lets be double sneaky dis time. ya got dat ya gits?

rolled 16 = 16

>>8856627
South East. I'ze bet dat's were da 'umie base iz!

rolled 9 = 9

>>8856616
Nah, nah. Why get squig pie when WE HAVE SQUIGS AND BURNAZ?

'Ead on south past the canyon. I'd bet the ambush was set becuz they were guardin som'ting. Otha boys ave been going south west, we're gonna head out tha way and surprise any humie force buildin' up with supply bases and stuff. Mebbe.

>>8856627

I sez we goes south, but avoid dat Gorkdamn amboosh place from last time.

rolled 11 = 11

>>8856662
dis

>>8856671
Yeh. Send da killy kar through first, and if it gives da all clear we go past AND BEYOND!

rolled 9 = 9

>>8856685
dis too

>>8856627
dice 1d100
We's goin to dat 'umie base, Dem 'umies dat ambushed us was gardin somefing we go dere

rolled 11 = 11

>>8856716
Fuck I messed up
Here is the roll

"You 'eard da boss, boyz, we're 'eadin souf again. Waaagh!" says one of the meaner looking of your boyz, jumping into the killy kar.

The rest of your boyz spread out mostly randomly into your four vehicles and you join five eviscerator Orkz in the shooty tank.

Several hours pass. You knew that it would take awhile to reach the base. The looted tanks have been following the killy kar from a safe distance, and aside from some of the local critters getting run over, nothing eventful happens.

You eventually tell your gunner boy to yell to the other gunners to slow down. You kick the back hatch open and stomp out, looking around. Mostly empty landscape, though you have apparently been driving parallel to a a stream for awhile.

What now?

rolled 70 = 70

>>8856761
DERES NUFFIN HERE!
lets keep goin, deres gotta be sumfin.

rolled 86 = 86

>>8856761
hit one of the boyz cuz not finding any fightin must be someone's fault. Then we keep looking for the humie base.

>>8856761

Keep goin', we'ze bound to find somting sooner or later.

rolled 53 = 53

>>8856761
Let out a coupla red squigs. Let's see if they'll lead us ta da humies. If all else fails we're gonna head east now.

rolled 67 = 67

>>8856761
We'ze 'ead South east now! Nuffin' 'ere!

You knock one of your boyz over the head, shrug and tell them all to carry on, maybe heading a bit east if that looks more interesting. You climb back into your transport and carry on waiting.

It doesn't take much longer before you start hearing a 'plosions and shootan. Your gunner boy is firan and it's only after yankan him down by his leg that you get to hear what's going on out there.

"More 'umies boss! Tonnes of 'em! Not ambushed or nuffin', but we can see a camp and theyz rushin' out to meet us!"

You let him go and he scrambles back to the gun. The damn killy kart didn't do its job properly, but you aren't actually in the muck yet.

Orders?

rolled 32 = 32

>>8856862
hmm i dont knWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!

>>8856862

Take a looksee at wot'z comin' after us. 'Ow many tanks dey sendin'?

rolled 12 = 12

Tell the driver of the shooty tank to stop mukkin about and start shootin', and get the boyz to cover for more shootin'.

rolled 31 = 31

Everybody starts shootin, when they get closer the burny tanks start burnin.

rolled 61 = 61

>>8856862
Open fire while turning around and running away. When/if they start chasing, RELEASE DA SQUIGS off da back of da tanks.

Then circle round as the squigs get there and shoot em up and burn em and rokkit em while da squigs get em tied up. Oh, but leave da blue one in reserve. We'z gonna THROW him into da battle.

>>8856880
>>8856907
>>8856916

Oh Zog

rolled 39 = 39

>>8856948
seconding, dats roight cunningly brutal dat iz

rolled 81 = 81

>>8856948
yep

>>8856948
Firdin'! Kunnin is wot'll win the day!

rolled 57 = 57

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHH! SMASH! CHOP! SHOOT! STOMP!

rolled 65 = 65

>>8856948
Seconded

rolled 99 = 99

see whats we fightin, then make a decsion

rolled 40 = 40

>>8856948
WE'S A CUNNIN' GIT WE IS

rolled 14 = 14

WE HAS A KUNNNIN PLAN

>>8856948
Datz no good! If wez runnin away when we letz the squigz out, dey'z gonna get shot to zog. And dey can't kill no humies if dat happens.

I say we drives through the humie lines, den we lets the squigz out right as we'z drivin' away. Dat way da humies is all confused when da squigz get at 'em, see?

rolled 46 = 46

>>8857063
>>8856992
Let's see what the zog we're fighting, all roit?

You shuffle to the front of the transport and tell the driver to tell you wotz goin' on. He says that the other karts keep blocking his view, but the 'umie base is all walled up and derez towers shootin' at us, and a buncha 'umie kans and tanks headed towards you.

You tell him to do some klever drivin' and hope the other karts notice your plans.

Another explosion goes off, though it seems to have been far off. Your gunner ducks down and tells you that one of the walkie 'umie fings just got hit by a rokkit.

(OP, just a quick point, generally describing what's going on and what the enemy/situation is in the beginning of a fight will result in at least some better plans being made. As you can see we're floundering here.)

rolled 49 = 49

>>8857097
we could get some git to poke is ead out.

rolled 12 = 12

Lure the humies away from the base, shooting as we go, then circle around and hit them from the side when we're out of range of the shooty towers.

rolled 10 = 10

>>8857123
dis sounds as good as annyfin. lets get on wiv it.

rolled 84 = 84

>>8857081
CHARGE DA 'UMIES! FULL SPEED! RELEASE DA SQUIQS AN' GIT TA FOITIN'

>>8857097
Sorry, I guess I forgot that it's only me that has the battlefield mapped out. When you checked with the driver it was possible to see your other karts driving about pretty wildly avoiding turret and lasfire. You're not headed directly for the base, it seems like the other drivers are trying to veer off but keep at a high speed.

The 'umie walkers you can see have two legs, but are closed up and have no arms. The tanks are flatter than the ones you looted and have lascannons. They are advancing towards you at a moderate speed.

rolled 94 = 94

>>8857081

ALL ROIT LETS GET STUCK IN!

All tanks and EVERYTHING CHARGE the wall. Get right up to it and we'll trap the enemy against the walls, meaning they can't maneuver and the turrets won't be able to hit us since their own fortifications are in the way. Then, we're gonna get Grotlikka to smash a hole in the wall and RELEASE THE SQUIGS.

Meanwhile all the eviscerator boyz are going to swarm the tanks that are trapped.

rolled 6 = 6

>>8857123
good plan

rolled 49 = 49

>>8857157
this sounds good to me, proper orky

rolled 13 = 13

>>8857157
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

so yeah, seconded

rolled 97 = 97

Run away from the fort itself and have the kart and shooting tank aim for the umie tanks, when there gone get ya boys to swarm the lower walkers

rolled 96 = 96

>>8857137
>>8857123
We'z gonna be fucked up if we'z gonna try outshooting lazcannons, mah boyz. We've got less rokkits than they've got lazcannons. But we've got more Eviscerators than they have lazcannons.

RIP OPEN DA TANKS AND SHOVE SQUIGS IN THEM!

THROW SQUIGS AT THE TURRETS!

SQUIGS EVERYWHERE!

>>8857194
I CONCUR! UR AH MEAN WAAAAAAGH!!

>>8857194
>>8857157
Fuck yes I roll well when I have to.

Not many 'umies on foot, dat means no targets fer da squigs. We'ze gonna want ter take dem lascannons out first, den we can mob da 'umie kans with dem big choppas we gotz, eh?

rolled 7 = 7

add another vote to WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHH

rolled 37 = 37

can someone pls archive this, i gotta sleep. waaaagh out.

Despite being unable to directly order them about, your gunner says that the other drivers are doing their best to avoid wrecking your karts up. You move to the back of the transport and kick the hatch open so you can keep looking at the fightan while driving away from it.

Your gunner has been concentrating on the 'umie walkers, but taking an opportunity as a tank passes close enough to aim for, he lays down a hail of bullets, immbolizing it.

The killy kart passes into view again though, and it seems that they are on their last rokkit. They fire it, and a moment you hear a loud explosion. It then disappears out of sight again, speeding up towards where you assume the walkers are.

The turrets can't seem to hit you at this range, but you're out of rockets. There should only be one more tank around. Your driver yells at you and says he's gonna ram one of the the 'umie walkers.

(Sorry for taking ages to reply)

rolled 1 = 1

>>8857535
RAM IT! THEN EVERYONE OUT AND CHARGE DA 'UMIES!

rolled 42 = 42

>>8857535
ram it den release da squigs into da humies!

rolled 76 = 76

Ram there puny walkers then have the boys get out and rip them to shreads, at the same time get the burney tanks to smash into the other umie tanks and release the squigs

rolled 41 = 41

>>8857620
seconding

rolled 21 = 21

>>8857535
Ram it like I'd ram a lamia.

Oh zog, with these rolls we'll propably have a lot of dead boyz

rolled 58 = 58

throw a squig down the umie tank barrel

You risk holding onto a rail and leaning out of the back of the kart to get the attention of the other drivers. You now have a much better view of the battlefield and can see that you're a few seconds from hitting the walker. You take in what you can and then duck back inside (as does the gunner).

You can see the killy kart in the distance running circles around another walker, narrowly avoiding it's autocannon fire. It doesn't seem to want to risk a charge without much armor.

The impact with the walker send your transport spinning out of control, coming to a stop after the driver recovers from the knock to his head. You're not getting fired at, so you must have succeed in knocking it over.

rolled 92 = 92

>>8857777
ALLROIT YA GITZ! EVERYWUN OUT AN' CHARGE DA 'UMIEZ! WAAAAAAAGGGH

>>8857777
Round up da boyz, and leg it out da back and get sum fightin' for yourself dis toime!

rolled 97 = 97

let the boys out to shred it and burn it, then get the tank moving and try to m the next target

rolled 60 = 60

>>8857791

ram* not sure how i messed that up

>>8857787
>>8857791
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

rolled 75 = 75

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

I think you can stop rolling for WAUUUGH now. That's enough highs.

After the tanks are down, see if we can't take a potshot or two at the turrets.

How big is the base? Village-sized? Or is it a small outpost?

>>8857866
Dat's not orky enuf. Kick da nearest kit out da back and get ta fightin'!

>>8857909
Nah, nah. We need to know 'ow big th' base is, so we know how 'ard we need ta ram it to get it open.

Also, how many turrets are there? What are they firing? Autocannons? She'll be right, mate!

We need some way of talking to da boyz. We shoulda picked up a loudaspeaker at da base.

We'z gonna knock REEL hard.

3 sentinels
1 lascannon chimeras


Gripping your 'ead in pain, you make a mental note to tell your mek to figure out a way to make crashes less hurty. You hop out of the cramped transport and let our a warcry, ordering your boyz to follow you.

Once out you an see that the walker is embedded in the ground, the lower half of it's legs a few meters away from it. Your boyz charge and cut open the main compartment, revealing a 'umie that's already been squished up by the crash.

You can see that the far off buggy has somehow outmanouvered the walker it was distracting, the wreckage of which you can't see - probably behind one of the rocky bits.

Closer by your two skorcha tanks have encircld a walker and bathed it in fuel, causing the severely burnt 'umie to jump out of the main compartment and break his neck on the ground.

There aren't any other tanks, but the autocannon turrets seems to have their guns trained on you. You're way too far off to actually get hit, but approaching will be difficult.

The outpost itself has walls about 10-15 meters high, with the turrets in towers much higher than that. The walls are made out of metal, and look too tough to ram but not impeneterable.

rolled 68 = 68

>>8858006
Gather the boys round first and put together a plan.

Autocannons won't do THAT much against tanks. Suggest sending them in and simply torching the turrets - would their burnas reach that high? If not, back our personal vehicle up to the wall next to the gate, pick up Grotlikka and smash him through it with 'iz power claw. After that, we'll send in the squigs, then go in ourselves.

rolled 87 = 87

>>8858006
Alright ya gitz 'eats wat wez gonna doo, get me some of dat burna fuel and load it up in dis tank. Den wes gonna set it on fire and ram da 'umie wall wif it so when it hits da tank will boom and blow dat 'umie away!

>>8858137
'umie wall as it were

>>8858137
I think that's the worst idea I've heard since hiding behind an armed thermonuclear weapon.

Which was yesterday.

Concrete walls don't burn, idiot, we'd just waste a tank and not actually DO anything.

rolled 21 = 21

Get the mekboy to get the chimera working, or at least get the lascannon working, then you can use it as a siege weapon and carve up the fort walls!

>>8858167
But da OP said dat da walls was made of metal. And da intention was not to burn da walls but to 'splode on da walls with da burna fuel to make a bigger boom!

>>8858204
Burna fuel don't go "BOOM", ya git! It goes "Booosh!" as in fireball an' not much force! It'd toast people but bounce off metal!

Nah, we either gotta cut it open wit' power clawz an' eviscerators or use da lazcannon.

looted chimera should take care of that wall

just sayin' boyz

rolled 98 = 98

>>8858253

I like dis plan. It's ded kunning

>>8858253
Wot? Da danks got shot with rokkits, ya git!

>>8858253
>>8858312
Yes!

>>8858362
WE DON'T NEED DA WHOLE TANK YA GIT

WE JUST NEED THA SHOOTY BIT WHAT FLASHES AND MELTS METAL

>>8858385
To be fair, you don't even have Gutwort with you to rig it up.

rolled 40 = 40

Rollan to see if we can salvage the lascannon

>>8858403
true, but now that we know where the 'umie base is we can always leave and come back. It's not like the whole base is gonna pick up it's skirts and toe-tap outta here.


Also, your post does not support lootin' and that . . . well . . . that's just unorky

Zog it, maybe we should gather all the loot we can from the stuff we krumped outside, and come back later with more things that explode to knock down the wall.

rolled 32 = 32

>>8858453
I second this looting

rolled 14 = 14

Or we could be kunnin' and drag the looted gear out of sight and return at night...

Then some boyz can sneak up and throw the squigs and gretchin over the walls. In the chaos that follows it should be easy to break through the walls and rampage through the outpost.

rolled 64 = 64

>>8858453
We'z don't loot while there's humies around! 'Ow exactly are we gonna lug all this crap back ta base when there's a whole load a humies just next door?

'Sides, we took out their heavys already. We's just got ta go in and finish da job.

How heavy are the squigs? Can we throw em in over the walls if we get close enough?

rolled 7 = 7

>>8858498
I second this night attack, but we still need something capable of breaking through the wall, even with the element of surprise.

Retreating now would give them time to reinforce the base and improve their defenses. Attack the wall with klaws and vehicle impacts, enough to open a squig sized entrance.

rolled 18 = 18

>>8858538
Yeah, who cares if a few boyz get shot up getting to da wall, orkz iz da biggest and da strongest, dey can take it.

This is a dead komplicated wun. I'll just say that, especially with the rolls you made, none of the wreckage is worth salvaging. All the good bits have been completely destroyed and the scrap won't be worth the effort.

The humies may still have other heavy weapons to worry about. Afterall, the nuns are going to be in there as well as the guardsmen that came out to try to scare you off.

Thirdly, a night attack could work. Bear in mind that you do have two power-klawed orks that could theoretically rip a small hole in the wall if they tried hard enough.

>>8858576
attack at night with power klaws and squigs over the walls. They won't be able to get reinforcements or shore up their defenses that much in the rest of a day. Besides, dem humies probly dont fink an ork is kunning enough for a plan like dis.

Attacking now would just get us shot up.

rolled 42 = 42

>>8858576
All right. Let's back off and roast a squig fer tha boys to eat fer now.

At night: ALL ORKS RAMMING SPEED INTA THA WALL

WHEN WE GET THERE DA POWA CLAWED BOYZ ARE GONNA RIP A HOLE IN IT WHILE DA OTHER BOYZ FIRE AT THE TURRETS!

The angle should be enough to mess up their aim, and the cover from the tanks should allow our boyz to open up the walls unhindered.

rolled 7 = 7

>>8858576
ZOG DAT KOMMANDO RUBBISH! WE'ZE GUNNA CHARGE ALL PROPER LIKE AN' SMASH DA 'UMIES 'EAD ON!

how can a skorcha fire? op said that the turrets were over 12 meters high.

>>8858661
>>Disre...Dizra...IGNORE DAT, I'Z A WEEDY GIT!

rolled 11 = 11

>>8858651
GO WIFF DIS!

rolled 6 = 6

Runnin away frum da fight wen derez humies to krump JUST AINT ORKY. WE IZ TOOFSUM BAKHAKKA WE IZ DA BOSS ROUND 'ERE! GIT DA BOYZ REDDY, WE IZ GONNA KLAW A 'OLE IN DA WALL AND LET DA SQUIGS GET TA BITIN'!

>>8858957

Or we'z can just muck about... zog it...

rolled 73 = 73

>>8858661
Ah, but we'z and the boyz are right hungry after bashin' that many tonks. Squigs-in, mate.

rolled 85 = 85

>>8858957
WE AIN'T RUNNIN' AWAY, WE'Z JUST MOVING BACK TAH FIGHT DIFFRENTLY!

rolled 41 = 41

We'ze gunna be dead sneaky, like kommando's! unda' da' kova o' Dark!

Your vehicles drive closer together, and the boyz pour out to ask what your next orders are. You tell 'em that you've got a kunnin plan to attack at night, and for now they are get away from the shooty 'umies and roast a squig.

You all drive off a few miles until you feel sneaky enough, then park up and start the feast. The squigs being quite small, you end up having to roast two to feed everyone, but that still leaves eighteen pouring into the enemy camp.

Eventually it seems dark enough for a sneaky approach. Fed up with the lack of opportunity to properly try out their nasty choppas, they eagerly pile into the transports and and the ride back is quick and bumpy.

You, Grotlikka and a pair of chain-choppa boys have piled into one of the skorcha trucks along with the cages of squigs. On the approach, the other skorchas start firing out plumes of flame long before they are in range to get the attention of the gitz manning the turret, while the shooty tank and yoofs on the killy kart do their best to aim for the gunners.

Your approach to the wall goes undetected. Your driver doesn't manage to break elegantly, so the transport bumps into the wall before stopping, but it isn't as bad a crash as last time.

The choppas start up with a vicious whirr and slowly work their way through the wall. You and Grotlikka have more luck just thumpin' holes in it, the energy field around your klaws making it no harder than squashes grots.

Your other vehicles are taking heavy fire, but are surviving. You soon have a hole big enough to fit the squigs in and your boyz start emptying the cages through it. Through the holes you have punched you can clearly see several buildings and mobs of 'umies - regular and nuns - run towards the walls.

The squigs don't take much encouragement to start chomping, and a mob of the 'umies rushing to mount the perimeter defenses are overwhelmed by them. Grotlikka cackles as he tears through yet more wall, finally making a hole big enough to climb through.

What now?

rolled 87 = 87

Wot now? I sez' get through dat 'ole, and WAAAAAAAAAGH!

rolled 25 = 25

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH NOW!

rolled 86 = 86

>>8859092
BUT MAKE SURE DA REST OF DA BOYZ IS BEHIND US!

rolled 83 = 83

Get Grotlikka to break more wall and supports so vehicles can fit through the breach.

Also send some shoota and choppa boys up the walls to take over the turrets so dey can start shooting things inside the walls! That'll also free up the ork vehicles to get through the breach so they can get inside where they'll be UNSTOPPABLE!

WAAAAAAAAAGHHHH!!!

rolled 39 = 39

>>8859036
IZ KILLIN' TIME BOYZ, WAAAAGGH! CHARGE DA 'UMIES AND CHOP 'EM!

Oh, try to get another Penitant Engine. Then you and Grotlikka can have matching MEGA-ARMOUR! Of course, yours'll be a little more flash, but you know how it goes.

>>8859405
new thread

ARCHIVE!